Ep. 180: Preventing Period Shame in Young Girls with Dr. Julia Sadusky

Here at Woven Well, we are all about empowering women — but what about young girls? Absolutely! In today’s episode, host Caitlin Estes chats with Dr. Julia Sadusky about how to talk to young girls about puberty, periods, and sexuality. We talk about how to have early conversations (and how early to start them), what to cover vs not cover, and how conversations with trusted women can build confidence, normalize periods, improve body image, and empower young girls to embrace God’s design for their bodies! We also talk about some parenting resources provided by Dr. Julia. 

NOTE: May not be appropriate for all audiences and includes words like sex, anatomical terms, etc. 

BIO: Dr. Julia Sadusky is a licensed clinical psychologist and the owner of a private practice in Littleton, CO. She is also an author, consultant, speaker, and adjunct professor. Dr. Sadusky has done extensive research and clinical work in sexual and gender development and specializes in trauma-informed care. She earned a bachelor's degree from Ave Maria University and a master's degree and doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Regent University. She has authored several books around human sexuality, with her most recent two-book series entitled, "Start Talking to Your Kids about Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics" (Ave Maria Press, 2023) and "Talking with Your Teen about Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics" (Ave Maria Press, 2024). 

Helpful Links:

Talking with Your Teen about Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics

Ep. 62: Body Talk - Kid Conversations

Transcript

Caitlin (00:26)
Welcome back to the Woven Well podcast. We all remember our first encounters with our own womanhood, learning about periods and the birds and the bees. They can be really defining moments in our lives, impacting what we think and how we feel about womanhood for many years to come. So how we approach these topics with girls and preteens, it's very meaningful. It's important.

it's worth thinking through as mothers but also as aunts, sisters, youth ministry workers, you know? You never know when you can have a positive impact on the next generation. So I've invited Dr. Julia Sadusky to join us today. She's a clinical psychologist who focuses on issues of human sexuality. She's the author of several books, including her most recent Talking with Your Teen About Sex and a lifelong Catholic who prioritizes the love and care of her faith into her work.

Together we're gonna explore the best ways to introduce these topics to the younger girls in our lives. Dr. Julia, welcome to the show.

Julia Sadusky (01:27)
Hi, Caitlin, it's so good to be with you.

Caitlin (01:30)
I really appreciate you joining. know that this matters so much. mean, I certainly remember these early conversations. They are cemented in my mind and I think they have a huge impact, not just on what we know and how to prepare, but really what we think about being a woman. Do you find that to be the case too?

Julia Sadusky (01:51)
Absolutely. I mean, there's so many ways in which we think of these conversations as just a one-off. Like, they don't have a ton of significance. Everybody will figure it out. Puberty is kind of uncomfortable and this kind of grin and bear it mentality. But when we think about the formative moments in sexuality and sexual development, pubertal changes is a really key piece that is so often overlooked or just addressed in a really reductive way.

And we want to be able to attend to that when we're talking with teens about sexuality.

Caitlin (02:25)
That's such a good point on how we talk about it impacts them so much because if we kind of belittle it, make it seem like it's not that important, whereas it is a massive moment in their lives that sometimes they're not prepared for at all, then that can actually, I think, tell them something about their dignity, their worth, and can kind of worm its way into their soul there. So it's so important to have those early conversations. But...

Are you a fan of sitting them down for a conversation about what to expect or what do you feel like is the best way to start these conversations with the young girls in our lives?

Julia Sadusky (03:05)
So I probably lean towards a lot of little conversations that allow the parents to build confidence, allow your teen to build familiarity and wrap their minds around what it feels like to talk with you and whenever possible doing that side by side. So not a stare off, you know, in your bedroom that has a ton of anticipation around it, but perhaps a five minute conversation, you know, sitting next to each other on the couch and saying, hey, I wanted to run something by you.

at around eight or nine, your body's gonna be changing in the next few years. And here's a picture of all the ways it's gonna change. Boys' bodies are also gonna be changing in a bunch of ways. And if you have questions about that, bring them to me. So being able to just give that bit of a commercial is a first step towards actually talking about what happens in the realm of menstruation. And then obviously, yes, there's gonna be a separate conversation where you say, hey, what have you heard of menstruation?

periods, and then you're going to give a crash course in what that is, what's happening, something like, you know, your body's going to be shedding its uterine lining every month, it prepares to hold a baby if you ever carry a baby in your life, and it's actually a really cool detailed process that we can talk about more as you have questions. But for now, just know that you and all the other girls in your class are going to be experiencing this type of change.

There's a way to prepare for that. Here's some tips and tricks for that. And really being able to create space for your team to ask the questions they have. What questions do you have about what I've said? And take their lead in answering in more detail.

Caitlin (04:46)
that is so rich. There's so much there that I want to talk about. But I really especially love that you connected the period to one day having the potential to carry a baby. Because so often we talk about periods, it's just about how to manage the period.

here's what a pad is and here's how you use it or here's how to not have a leak. But we really wanna go ahead and establish that this plays a meaningful role in your life. This is a good thing, this is a gift because we see these young girls carrying around their baby dolls and learning how to care for a baby. And it's like, we can kind of use those examples to talk about biology too.

Julia Sadusky (05:03)
Yes.

Caitlin (05:30)
and begin those little conversations. Now I'm a fertility care practitioner, so I work with women and couples teaching them like natural family planning and how their bodies work, you know, in this realm of fertility and women's health. And so sometimes I'll have moms who say, my kids are coming into the bathroom with me. What do I do if they see me make an observation of cervical mucus? Or if they see me on my period, I'm like, you tell them about

If they ask you, you give them an answer, keep it really simple, really basic, but you begin that conversation. And then it's like you've said, it's built upon something else. It's not just all of a sudden you sit them down, because that's an intimidating experience. And I think sometimes those feelings around those conversations have more of an impact than the actual topic itself. You mentioned like,

having so much anticipation about a conversation and I'm imagining that being like awkwardness and embarrassment and it's just so easy for shame to slip in in girls' lives in this area. I'm interested in what you've found over the years that can be helpful to kind of preemptively combat that shame, especially when it comes to...

girls and periods and body image and all of those things in their budding womanhood.

Julia Sadusky (06:59)
Yeah, there's so many pieces to that, right? There's bodily changes around weight fluctuations that are normal, natural, and necessary in puberty. As hips start to widen, we expect the female form to change, and it's supposed to. There's a problem if it's not. Cervical mucus, you mentioned that. That's another. Bodily secretions are natural, normal, and essential parts of the body working. Menstruation.

Caitlin (07:08)
Hmm.

Julia Sadusky (07:26)
If you're not having a menstrual cycle, that's actually a sign of lack of health in the female body, not a sign of health. So something's not working in that. so helping just frame all of these things around, this is your body working. This is your body doing its job. And we have questions about our body doing its job. And sometimes we feel embarrassed when our body's doing its job, when people pass gas, when people...

know, poop, I mean, all these things can be carrying a shame for girls. Bodily fluctuations in weight carry a lot of shame. And so when girls share with us, like I'm feeling certain things in response to my body, validating that, yes, it is difficult to have change happening inside and around us, and especially when we don't know why it's changing. But I want you to know it's a sign that your body's working for you to prepare you. ⁓

for being an adult woman in the world and it's such a gift and all kinds of gifts that happen around us and in us can be hard to adjust to. And so just being able to help normalize that, your body is working and you're allowed to have feelings about that that aren't all positive and there's nowhere else I'd rather you go to share those feelings than to me as your mom or me as your dad or both.

Caitlin (08:44)
And that relationship being the foundation of those things, you know, I'm thinking about early and frequent conversations and what an impact they have so that as they're walking through those moments, they do know, like you just said, they do know that they can go to their mom or dad or whoever the trusted person is in their life and talk openly about it. I think you make such a good point about being that safe place for them to express even if it's not a great emotion and

You know, I just think about how kids have access to more information now than they ever did before. And that also means access to more misinformation than they ever had before. And even in my space and what I do and what I see online, I'm just constantly trying to when I talk with clients saying,

Julia Sadusky (09:24)
Very relaxed. Yes.

Caitlin (09:38)
you actually that's a myth. Here are some research studies that show how incorrect that is. But when these young girls are online or hearing things that are just totally false, having that safe person that they know they can trust and can go to ⁓ just makes such a big difference. It's so essential for them. That's a good point. I'm also thinking back to...

those early years of having periods and becoming a woman and all the bodily changes you were talking about and I'm thinking about the possibility of having some embarrassing moments. The big one we always think of is having like a period leak and that being just the end of it for a young girl you know. ⁓ But do you have any guidance for parents or aunts or sisters or anyone that's going to be caring for young girls on

when they experience a really embarrassing situation like that, is there a way to help them process that afterwards or help them just live through that experience?

Julia Sadusky (10:43)
Yeah, there's two ways to do this, right? I think one is acknowledging embarrassment is inevitable. Embarrassment is a normal feeling that happens when we feel exposed in some way. And so even in the car driving to soccer practice or music lessons, you could say to your kids, hey guys, just a reminder that embarrassment is a feeling that comes up in us that makes us blush when we feel uncomfortable or exposed.

That happens for all kinds of things in life. So when that happens, mom and dad are people you can talk to about those feelings. So that's big picture, right? You're just kind of predicting the emotion and saying, here's what you do with it. You bring it into the light of a relationship with somebody you trust. But with girls in particular, as we're sharing with them, especially about that first menstruation, just naming, there will be some embarrassing moments that may come up for you. You may leak.

as you're learning what type of pad you need or what type of tampon or how to insert that correctly. And so just know that when those things happen, we can plan for worst case scenario. So what's your worst case scenario? And they may know or they may not know depending on whether their friends have had it happen or they've heard about it somewhere. And so you can just plan for that. Hey, here's what happens.

You know, when that happens at school, you can always go to the nurse and they have extra pairs of underwear, they have extra pads, and they can help call mom and bring a change of clothes if that's needed. So you just predict the thing that's feared, whether you've experienced it or you know some teens well. And that gives a little bit of a map for an unpredictable moment.

Caitlin (12:24)
Gosh, that's such good advice because I think even as adults, we want to feel prepared, we want to feel empowered. And so even as we talk about natural fertility topics, you know, which is what we talk about here in the podcast, we're always trying to give education that is actually empowering that we can do something with that. And a lot of times it's ways that we're actually protecting our dignity, you know.

God created us as women and that is a beautiful gift. It is so intentional. Our design is intentional. And there's so many things in this world that are kind of trying to pick away at that or make us doubt or question. And even something as simple as having a leak in school.

can really start making you wonder, is it good that I'm a woman? Is it good that I have periods? Or is this a bad thing and I'm embarrassed about this? I never wanna have a period again. And so as you're saying, I think it's so important to have those open and frequent conversations about why it's a good thing and how to handle those moments that we all have. That we all have.

Julia Sadusky (13:32)
Yes.

Caitlin (13:35)
⁓ because we all have stories that we could share. I'm not going to share them right now on the podcast, but I definitely have my own fair share. And I think I imagine, you know, putting myself in the shoes of a young girl again and seeing someone that I look up to as a female and hearing, ⁓ they went through this too. It's not just me. I'm not doing it wrong, you know, or all the bad things are happening to me, but

Julia Sadusky (13:39)
⁓ yes.

Caitlin (14:03)
This is kind of what happens to all of us. It's not all the time, but I can handle it. ⁓ That empowerment is so important.

Julia Sadusky (14:10)
That's right, I can handle it with help, right? Being able to help them know that they have people in their corner and they are effective when they resource support and they're effective when they don't need to, when they can figure it out themselves.

Caitlin (14:24)
That's such a good distinction with help and we all need that reminder. We can do it, but always with help. You know, we have that as a resource when we need it. So it's so important. Well, I'm thinking about the listeners who, know, our demographic is not young girls, but mothers, sisters, aunts, those kind of things. ⁓ It's not just going to be conversations around period, but also maybe around sexuality and changes in the body. ⁓

girls do typically go through puberty before boys, so they may begin developing breasts or have other bodily changes and boys do not have those. So it can be a pretty awkward experience. But you've written about that. I mentioned in the intro that one of the books, your most recent book that you published is How to Talk with Your Teen About Sex. And I think that's so important. Would you tell us just a little bit about that book and why it may be a good resource?

Julia Sadusky (15:21)
Yes, so that book expands on the traditional sex talk. So people are already getting the sense that we're going well beyond a conversation about sexual intercourse. The idea behind the book is you're having so many leading conversations like about pubertal changes, like about the changes in the other body. You're forecasting some information teens might get online about masturbation, about...

pornography by simply introducing these terms at some point and asking, have you heard about that? So you're being able to just get a sense and then prescribing to them that when you hear about that, there's nowhere else I'd rather you go than back to me. so incorporating all those leading up conversations, two conversations, yes, about sexual intercourse, conversations about attractions as such.

dating, although dating is much less prevalent in teens today than we've seen in previous years. But we're going to talk about that technology use and how exposure through technology to sexuality can be very confusing for many teens. Conversations about same sex sexuality, conversations about gender questions that may come up. So the book really expands in ways that I think are needed for young people today to really get a robust sexual education.

And it's also for the parents. I'm hearing from a lot of adults that they're reading the book almost as a way to heal what they didn't receive as they then try to communicate to people in their own lives about sexuality. I don't think we're aware until we try to go here how much shame can be laden in these conversations. And so being able to kind of move yourself through it at a pace that feels OK to you and tolerable when you're not.

two weeks away from having to have this conversation with your 10-year-old is part of the idea of the book, being able to let that be gradual for the parents as well.

Caitlin (17:17)
And it just is hitting me what a resource this is to fit what you were talking about earlier. Like I can do it, but with help. And that is the message to these moms and parents out there that you can do this. It is a hard thing to have these conversations, especially with these young kids that they were just five and two. And you you're still seeing them like that and you think, it's too soon, but it's really not. ⁓ You're preparing them and you may not know how to do it.

but there are resources out there to help you do that. Hopefully this podcast is just one of many. Your book is a great resource for them as well, but they can absolutely do it and ⁓ the more frequent the conversation the better, but just you know as it comes up just a little bit here there I think is a really ⁓ important thing. So gosh thank you so much for your willingness to come on the podcast to talk about these things and hopefully give the women out there a little bit of encouragement along the way.

Julia Sadusky (18:17)
Absolutely, it's so good to talk with you.

Caitlin (18:20)
Listeners, we are all about educating women, but I really feel that it is just as vital that we're empowering the next generation as well. We want them to have a really positive relationship with their female bodies and understand that God designed these with purpose, with intention, with beauty. And yeah, it's going to be awkward sometimes. Yeah, there's going to be a little bit of embarrassment, but there's not one human being on the planet that doesn't have those experiences too.

So creating this community, intentionally talking about it and supporting one another, even as we're young girls all the way through life, really makes a lifelong difference. As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.