Ep. 206: Am I Doing Too Much? Is It Time to Stop? How Can I Know?

When it comes to reproductive health, it can feel like there's always "one more thing" that you can do or try. It can feel exhausting. How much is too much? How do you know when it's time to stop? These are valid questions to ask! But as you do, there are some other factors to first consider.

- Are all the things I'm doing actually moving me toward my goal? Is there another way? An alternative approach?

- How can I advocate for myself so I don't have to do a long list of things that don't feel right for me?

- Is God telling me to stop or just inviting me to rest?

In this episode, Caitlin tackles these and more to help you navigate those moments when you are trying to decide whether or not you're DONE. We hope it's helpful!

NOTE: This episode is appropriate for all audiences.

SHOW NOTES:

Ep. 36: Advocating in the Dr.'s Office: Asking Good Questions

Ep. 74: Client Story - Karlyn (Advocating)

Ep. 105: Client Story - Maci (Patient Advocacy)

Ep. 121: Client Story - Sarah (Power of the Right Providers)

Transcript

Caitlin Estes (00:24)
Welcome back to the Woven Well podcast. When it comes to reproductive health, whether it's addressing underlying issues or investing in your improved quality of life, how do you know if you're doing too much? If you're pushing maybe a little bit too hard? Today's topic is inspired by a conversation that I had with a client last week. But while that conversation may be recent, it is certainly not the only kind of conversation that I've had related to this topic.

I have had this conversation so many times and it's because it's such a real concern. And it's a little bit different for everyone. How do you make that decision? I think as women especially, we are eager and willing to do whatever we need to do, especially as it relates to our fertility and reproductive health. So you may be trying to conceive or trying to identify why you haven't yet conceived, or you could be looking to overcome painful periods that stop you in your tracks.

Or you may want to balance hormones that make you feel crazy and cause you to yell at your kids one moment, cry in the bathroom at work the next. These are all good goals and you deserve the support you need in order to feel better. But how do you know what that process looks like? How can you know when it's just too much? When the stress of the treatment is actually greater than the stress of the issue itself? Well, that's what this episode is here to help with a bit. Now, where do we even begin?

I think that we have to begin with dignity. So before you start the process of getting answers and starting any sort of treatment, it's essential that you know that you deserve quality care. You deserve to be treated with dignity. You deserve to be heard and valued and honored. Why? Well, the simple fact is that you are made in the image of God and therefore have inherent dignity. And so you should be treated with dignity because of that fact. You shouldn't have to do a thing to earn this kind of care and respect, but you may have to advocate for it or insist upon it sometimes. Not everyone is going to treat you as you deserve to be treated, and that's a whole topic for a different day, but it's important to know going in that this is the type of care that you're looking for.

Sometimes believing this is an especially important step because without it, you may not actually begin at all. You may convince yourself that you don't deserve it or you wouldn't be able to handle it and then you never feel better or get the answers that you need. Hear me say, your concerns deserve dignified care and it's important that you believe it first.

Now, once you do, it's helpful if you also have a clear goal in mind of what you want from the process. So don't settle for just willy-nilly diagnostics and treatment. You just do what they tell you and you have no idea if you're making progress or where you're gonna end up. If you feel like you're not getting anywhere or maybe they aren't giving you the attention that you deserve, they may not be. In the same way, don't settle for treatment that feels a little insane. And by that I mean,

They seem to be repeating the same treatment over and over and over again and expecting different results when that's not going to happen. So if you know what your goal is and how you deserve to be treated, then it could really help you filter out processes or treatments that don't align with that. Your energy, money, capacity, they're all limited. And that's not specific to you. That's true for all of us. So you don't want to waste any of those things working with a team that doesn't get it or doesn't respect you. So having a plan in place that you feel good about and you feel is worth the effort is key to making sure that you're not doing more than you need to or can handle. Now, where do you actually get that guidance? I'll be honest that for a lot of us, I think our main source of information right now is coming from places like social media and YouTube. So just a quick note about being careful about how much influence you give to those influencers. Okay? I mean, listen, I struggle with this myself. We are looking for resources about things that we know very little about. so social media has become a primary way that we gain information in this day and age. But we have to remember that reels are designed to go viral, whether or not they're accurate. Okay? So them being popular is more important to a lot of influencers than them being correct.

So I've had clients send me a reel before and it's totally false. Like what they're saying is absolutely not true. There's no data to support the claims. And you see lots of these because maybe there will be in my world, the reproductive health world, maybe there will be an OBGYN who gives a reaction video to a really popular reel that is totally out there, not based on any science or data or anything like that.

But the problem is if you've been following an influencer for a long time and they put out a reel, the first response is to believe it and not necessarily to look into it. Now, obviously I'm not just talking about influencers and reels and all that, but I just wanna put that note out there to be aware of that and to take those things with a grain of salt. I know that it's tough. So I would say, especially as you're looking for...

input from someone like an online influencer, make sure to have high standards for their education and qualifications. Anyone can buy camera and a microphone and can start a YouTube channel. Okay, I know I have a camera and a microphone and a YouTube channel. Anybody can do it. But you want to make sure that they can back it up qualification as well.

And then keep in mind too that a lot of those influencers or even just like articles that you read online are giving very mass marketed information. So very generalized things that they're saying that may or may not apply to you specifically. We need personalized care because we are individual persons and so big averages are not going to be super helpful for all of us. And actually sometimes it makes it a little bit more challenging for us because we feel like, well this article says that my fertility is supposed to look like this or my cycles are supposed to act like that and that's not happening So something must be wrong Well a woman with PCOS for instance is not going to ovulate every cycle on cycle day 14 by the way Most women do not ovulate on cycle day 14 But if she reads that number and she thinks it's some special day cycle day 14 Then she's gonna feel even worse about her body her cycles her fertility because it's not meeting that standard that's out there. But if you OBGYN who is knowledgeable and knows your situation, your diagnoses, then they're not going to be telling you that, you're not ovulating on cycle day 14, then something's wrong with you. No, they're going to be celebrating when you do ovulate and helping you to ovulate earlier, but they're not looking at that 14th day as some sort of magical day.

Okay, so individualized care is so much more important than that general stuff you can read online. And even when you're working with your own physician or team, whether it's nutritionist, chiropractor, fertility care practitioner, any kind of side of things, you wanna be an active participant, not a passive patient. You really matter in this process. So you're not trying to make yourself fit into the data or details.

You are the details. It's your data that should actually determine the process. And that also means that you get to plan and discern if something is or is not right for you. Obviously, we're not going to know nearly as much about certain things as those who have had years of training and experience. And we are so grateful for their wisdom and all that they have to share. But ultimately, your care and treatment is about you. So you have an active voice in that process and deciding how you want to move forward. One example of this, and this is a big example, is someone that I know was diagnosed with cancer and they were given this very intense treatment plan to hopefully put it into remission. And now the doctors are experienced, they are knowledgeable, and they know the best approach to try to put that cancer into remission. Praise God. So, so thankful for those resources. But this person that I know actually didn't feel comfortable with that plan. And so they talked with their doctors, they expressed their concerns, they shared what they did want to do, what they didn't want to do, because ultimately it is you who determines whether or not you want to follow that plan.

Now maybe a lot of a little bit of a smaller example that more of us would deal with on a daily basis is deciding which and how many supplements to take, right? Because you know there are so many things and people out there telling you to take supplements that it could be a really big number. I have had clients telling me they take 30 or 40 supplements a day and when I ask how did you get to that point? How did you start taking all these? Usually like well, my physician recommended these few functional medicine doctor recommended these acupuncturists recommended these I saw these other ones advertised online, you know, so it's just this slowly accumulating over time, but ultimately it's too many for them. But they're fearful that if they don't do everything that they're told and they won't be successful with whatever their reproductive goal is.

So knowing that you are an active participant and not a passive patient can really help in determining your next steps in a moment like this. You can ask clarifying questions. Maybe when your doctor recommends that you start taking all these supplements, you could ask, if you could only choose three of these for me to start taking now, which would they be? Maybe they could be certain ones that are the most immediate need or others that are most beneficial or some that have the most research based on them. So you can ask those questions to help you decide Or you could start taking supplements and you feel horrible on them.

Or they're actually way out of your budget, or you buy them but you never take them because you don't like taking a really big pill, or you feel stressed out about taking so many throughout the day. All of that matters too. You have every right to participate in your health as an active participant. So ask for feedback, gain valuable guidance from others, but ultimately remember that you are the one that makes the decisions.

But I realize that that may actually be the hardest part for many of us, trusting yourself to make those decisions, right? sometimes I think that we have to first develop them before we can ever trust them. So many of us have learned to just push those aside, not listen to how we feel or what we think, and so we're not even used to paying attention to those instincts in the first place. Have you ever started some sort of medical protocol of any kind and you felt like it was maybe pushing you to the edge? You felt mentally burnt out, physically exhausted, emotionally weary, spiritually dry? Well, these are things worth paying attention to. They matter. And you can and should weigh those things as you make the decision about whether or not to continue. Now you may decide, yes, it is absolutely worth it. You could be battling a major disease, for instance, that requires intense treatment for several months on end. And it is understandably taking it all out of you. Or it could be that you're following an online program that you thought was gonna be great, but actually,

It's not giving back as much as it's taking from you. It's causing more stress, not less. And you're realizing that paying attention to that is actually giving you permission that you need to kick it to the curb. Okay? So it may take time to learn to pay attention to how you feel physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Most of us, like I said, have learned to kind of stuff it down and just push through. So...

While you're learning to pay attention and while you're developing those instincts, you may also want to invite your husband or best friend or sister to help provide some of that clarity for you too. But it's not even just them. God is also there to provide you with guidance too. I think that it's easy, especially in the midst of a challenging medical season for our relationship with God to become transactional, you know, sort of a requests only line.

God I would really love it if this happened or God please don't let that happen or God please do this or don't do that. And that's certainly understandable but I think that there is so much more to be had in our relationship with God especially in a challenging season. Or we could get so focused on the physical and medical journey that we forget about our spiritual side altogether. We focus on the results our bodies and we forget about the health of our souls. But God can be a powerful, transformative part of this process. Remember, it's God who created you. He created all of us, but He created you. He knows you better than anyone else. Your doctors, your husband, your friends. He knows you better than even yourself, and He knows exactly what you need even when you don't.

I do believe that he will provide guidance and clarity when you ask, but I also think that there's something truly powerful about just inviting him to be a part of the journey itself too. So not just looking to him for answers and next steps, although that is important and I do encourage you to do that, but also relying on him to carry the burdens and tend to your heart along the way.

He wants to meet you and love you as only he can in these really difficult and even vulnerable moments. I've talked with women over the years who felt like God was maybe giving them permission to take a step back, but they had a hard time actually doing it. You know, wasn't it the right call to keep pushing? Wouldn't the effort be worth it if they just kept going? Isn't that what everybody always tells them?

But if God is the one inviting you to rest, friend, do it. It will be far better than anything you could do on your own. And while you may not know why he is inviting you to rest, you can know that it will be good because that invitation comes from him. So as you're determining whether you're doing too much or how to know when to take a step back, don't be afraid to pray about your treatment options, to ask questions of your doctors about your options, the pros and cons, and alternatives, to take some time to determine how you feel and get insight and wisdom from those that you trust, and to rely on the still small voice of God to provide exactly what you need, whether it's during treatments or through another avenue.

Now here's some practical suggestions that I think can help with that process. One is to sit down with a piece of paper and write out what your goals are. What issue do you want to address? How do you want to feel at the end of the process? And think through your questions for your doctor about treatment options, causes of the symptoms you're experiencing and more.

There's an episode called, I think, asking good questions in the doctor's office that I'll link in the show notes. And then once you hear from your doctor and you get to ask those questions, then take stock of your gut instinct. How do you feel about the options given to you? What hesitations weigh most heavily on you? Do you feel excited and hopeful? Were you treated with respect you deserve? Is your doctor aligned with your goal and how you want to get there? Talk about it with your spouse, family member, friends.

Pick someone that you trust and have that conversation. What feedback and counsel do they have to offer? And of course, pray about the process as you go. Now, my favorite way to do this when you're trying to combine that physical and spiritual is to pray in a physical way. So maybe you have your hands open before you. Maybe you stand with your arms out and your head up facing towards God. But as you do that, you can be prayerful and inviting God into the process. think there's something powerful about acknowledging that meaningful connection between the physical and the spiritual aspects of God's good creation of us, and that's a nice way to do it. But also, certainly, share with God how you feel as you drive to appointments. Ask for His guidance and direction as you brush your teeth or fall asleep at night. Welcome Him into every part of the process, absolutely.

And then finally, make your decisions knowing that you can change them at any time if you need to. Let's say with the whole supplements thing we were talking about, you decide on three supplements and then later you decide to add another. That's great. Maybe you start with three and you hate them all and you switch them out. That's okay. Maybe you see amazing results and you wanna celebrate that. Perfect. Same thing goes for if you start working with a doctor that you feel like they've stopped listening to you or they're no longer aligned with your goal or how you wanna get there. You could change doctors. Certainly fine. You are likely going to need more support than just this episode, but I hope that you can walk away with knowing that there may be a point where it's too much, but it doesn't mean that you have to stop completely. It could just be an invitation to rest or to look elsewhere for the support that you need that's truly dignified. I'm going to make sure to have resources in the show notes for you if there are other episodes that could be helpful, especially maybe some stories of ladies who walk through their own advocacy journey. Episodes like Sarah and Karlyn are coming to mind, so be sure to check those out. As always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.