Overcoming Fear And Rediscovering My Worth

Welcome to the Women of Worth Podcast with Claire Fealy! I am so excited to have you join me today to kick off this amazing journey and dive into how I got to this place in life. 

This episode covers how I got out of my own way, stopped self sabotaging and finally gave myself permission to be happy and enjoy life. I also answer a few questions from my incredible listeners and clients, as well as share how my journey helped me to embrace that I am truly a woman of worth.

But this isn’t just my podcast. I would never be where I am today without you! So, settle in, grab a nice cup of tea and welcome to the first episode of OUR podcast.

Claire’s Story [02:20]

• “You are not your current circumstances. You are not your current beliefs. You are not your current thoughts about yourself.”
• “I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed. I thought to myself, ‘I can’t keep doing this.’” [02:35]
• “My gut and my intuition encouraged me to reach out to a life coach.” [04:15]
• “I started realizing that the outside wasn’t the problem- it was actually my thoughts. It was what I was saying to myself about work, being on the hamster wheel, feeling stressed, feeling exhausted.” [04:45]
• “What we focus on, we feel. I was focusing on all the things that weren’t going well and I was feeling like crap.” [05:05]
• “I had to stop relying on the approval of others to be happy.” [07:45]
• “Your low points are where you get the greatest lessons.” [08:30]
• “A lot of my courage and faith comes from knowing that my brother is always with me and always supporting me.” [10:00]
• “Be the girl that decided to go for it.” [12:20]
• “We can’t change our past, but we can change the meaning of our past.” [13:10]
• “If you don’t know your core values and priorities, you’re living by other’s values and priorities.” [14:50]
• “We see people going after their dreams and goals, and we think it’s because they don’t have fear and are so confident, but we all have fear-it’s primal. The difference is that they control their fear, their fear doesn’t control them.” [17:00]
• “Whatever your circumstances are today, they are just a reflection of the choices you’ve made.” [22:15]
• “Life is not up and down because you’re weak or not doing life right, it’s because that’s the journey we’re meant to go on. We’re meant to have the low points so we can learn the lessons, get clear on what matters to us, and so we can appreciate the high points.” [24:25]
• “When you reconnect with your self-worth and get rid of limiting beliefs, it is the most rewarding feeling ever.” [26:00]
• “Outcomes and others won’t make you happy in the long run.” [28:50]
• “My greatest achievement in life is my relationship with myself. Genuinely loving myself, genuinely feeling content and happy in myself. I get to help others do that.” [29:50]

Get in touch with Claire!

• Instagram: @clairefealymindsetcoach
• Website: https://www.clairefealy.com
• Weekly Newsletter: https://adept-trailblazer-5441.ck.page/cfa79a741d

Transcript

Welcome to the women of worth podcast. I am your host care fee teacher turned mindset. Unconfidence coach each week. I will be bringing you inspiring people, messages and science backed strategies.
To help you reconnect with your work. You are worthy because you will, for this podcast is all about empowering you to stop groove and your work and start being it because the only person that gets to decide your work.
Hello. Hello, hello, and welcome to the very first women of worth with care feely podcast. In today's episode, I want to talk to you about my own journey.
How I got here. It's definitely a question I get asked a lot on. I suppose it's a really good place to start.
The podcast is how I rediscovered my own worth and how I overcame limiting beliefs. You know, a very critical, negative, inner voice, and all of those things to now be on the path of just freedom living my dream life, as cheesy as that sounds it's, it's the truth that radiates Bush, what I really want to go into in this story.
And what I really want you to take away from is that where you are right now is not who you are, as you listened to my own journey and the ups and downs.
I want that to really click with you that you are not your current circumstances. You are not your current beliefs.
You are not your current Paltz about yourself. If I can go on this journey and overcome very negative mindset and low self-worth, all of those things, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from going on a similar journey or a similar path back to self worth.
So I first reached out to a life coach in October, 2018. So we're going back by three years ago, I had been living in Abu Dhabi for about three months at this stage.
And a big thing for me, reaching out to a life coach was I was exhausted and I felt so overwhelmed and just, it paused, I kept having was I can't keep doing this.
And it was coming up to go on home for the Christmas holidays. It was the end of October, 2018. And I just didn't want to go home for Christmas, like, and feel so crap about the first term B and I there I'm working out there.
And for me getting a job in Abu Dhabi, living in my dream apartment, all of that, I thought that was my dream life.
And it was really frustrating because it didn't feel like it, it felt like on the outside. Yeah, this all looks amazing.
So why do I feel so crap about myself at the time I was working most evenings and I was working weekends.
I was also trying to squeeze as much socializing into my weekends as possible. If you have ever been to Abu Dhabi or Dubai, or, you know, you have lived there, you know, by the infamous brunches and bottomless brunches, all of that.
And just trying to squeeze it all in. I felt like I was on a hamster wheel that I just couldn't get off of.
I felt like I couldn't do one more week. Like this. I felt like something has to change. This is not H this is not your dream life.
I just like, I'm so glad that I was conscious and aware enough of my thoughts to be like, yeah, no, that was my gosh.
And my intuition speaking to me that made me reach out to that life coach. And I had never even, I don't, I don't even know if I'd heard of life coaches before.
Obviously I knew about Tony Robbins. I'd always been interpersonal development, but I asked in the very first message. I don't even know if this is what you deal with.
I don't even know if you're the right person to be messaging like Pete he's like, and, and I suppose, you know what I got from that first experience, but coaching was realizing how much the outside wasn't the problem.
It was actually my thoughts. It was what I was saying to myself about work. It was what I was saying to myself about, you know, being on the hamster wheel and feeling so stressed and feeling so exhausted because what we focus on, we feel, and I was focusing on all the things that were going well in my life.
And I was feeling like crap. And when I started to take back power and control over my thoughts and even my emotions, I definitely began to see a difference.
I found work wasn't as stressful. I found that I was a lot clearer. I didn't have as much, like, I suppose I didn't have as much overwhelm.
I was like, no, I can handle this. You know, this is when I really got into affirmations. And, you know, I even started to try meditation and all of those things, I started taking my exercise seriously and just, it was definitely start of me prioritizing my health and happiness.
And as I started to go inward and do the inner work of why I always put myself bottom of the list and why I always like cared so much about what other people thought of me.
I was really starting to have these realizations and it all came to a head, the following October. So we're now October, 2019.
I had been dating a guy for six weeks and he decided he didn't want to get into relationship if you've ever lived abroad.
You know, that kind of like, oh, I'm not staying here long term, whatever his reasons were, those were his reasons.
And, and I respected them, but I took it really badly. I made it to mean something about me. I made it to mean that I wasn't good enough.
And I just hit such a wall. I remember sitting on my sofa in my apartment and just cry and on the sofa that like, how could, you know, dating somebody for six weeks and it not working out.
Like I agreed with them. I didn't think we were going anywhere, but why was it hit me so hard? And I had one of those, I don't know if you've ever had one of those experiences where it's like, you're looking at yourself from the outside.
It was like, I was looking nine and this might sound crazy. But it was like, I was looking at myself on the sofa crying and being like, no, there's so much more to this.
And that was such a massive realization for me that I had to stop relying on the approval of others. I had to stop relying on others to make me feel good about myself.
And it was like the biggest light bulb moment I've definitely had in recent years of again, like this is an edge, this isn't the way I saw my life go.
And this isn't what I want from my life. I want so much more like, you know, I know that Dayton is fun and meeting people and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't, but it shouldn't, this is what I was saying to myself anyways, that it shouldn't have crushed me as much as it did, but like all grades, low points, your low points is always where you get the greatest lessons, because this was when I really started to take myself worth seriously.
And now, you know, I don't know how long you've been following me far, but you know, that I'm always talking about self worth.
And this was when I decided to do the really deep inner work. I went to a therapist who was trained in trauma because I knew that I had been avoiding some very painful emotions and traumas from my past.
I like among many other things like everyone, you know, we all have our, we all have painful parts of our past and traumas that have affected us more than we, I suppose, want to believe that they affected us.
And I suppose one of my, my biggest ones was losing my brother Ash 14. So he was 15. I was 14 and he passed away after a house fire.
And I suppose I just want to pause here because it was his 35th birthday yesterday. So my business manager didn't know that it was my brother's birthday week.
And I'm dedicating this first episode to my brother, Christopher. And I think a lot of the courage I've had to go after what I want in life.
And a lot of the faith I've been able to have over my, my fears of things, not working out or looking stupid or any of those fears.
I think a lot of my courage comes from knowing how much Christopher is always with me. Always support me like the signs I've gotten along the way that he is with me and support me are just like, you couldn't make it all up.
If you've never lost somebody, this might not resonate with you, but a huge comfort for people who have lost loved ones is asking for a sign.
And even times when I haven't asked for a sign, like I remember when we were going to Australia and we stopped off at Hong Kong and we stayed in the most random, hostile, like we were checking out at four in the morning and it was just so bizarre.
One of Christopher's funeral songs came on and this is not a common song. And it was playing at four in the morning in a hostel in Hong Kong, as I was going to Australia, anytime, anytime I've taken big trips, I've always been like, Christopher, like come with me, like, you know, just protect me and keep me safe and, and all of those things.
And when I moved to Portugal this August, I didn't know anybody. I had nowhere to live. I didn't know what I was doing here.
And I really was like, Christopher, please. You know, I really need help with this one because anytime I've traveled before I've had people, you know, and this is the first big trip I've taken on my own.
And I asked for white feathers, I was like, just show me white feathers, show me I'm on the right path.
And the amount of white feathers I have seen is unbelievable. It really is. It actually like, I just like, okay, that just gave me such comfort that I am on the right path.
I am protected. I am okay. And the first week was definitely the hardest I really was struggling with. Why did I move here?
You know, other people do these big trips, you know, and move to another country on their own. Not me. I'm not strong enough.
All of that. And I remember in that first week I was walking down to the beach and a woman came walking towards me with a red and white top that I could not miss.
And that top said, be the girl who decided to go for it. And I literally just burst out laughing Isaac, oh my God.
That's like, just be the girl who decided to go for it. And a lot of what I've went for, you know, people would say, oh my God, you're so brave on your soul.
You know, like, oh, how do you do that? And I tank when you lose somebody that young and I didn't get this for a very long time, it's only as I get older, you know, the way you get older and wiser.
I don't know. I don't know him. I got known to her miser Bush. You realize how short life is and how precious life is.
And I believe that we can change our past. We can only change the meaning that we give our past. And for a long time, after surviving the fire and losing Christopher, I gave it the meaning that I was just that I was so messed up and I was never going to be quote on quote normal.
And in my twenties, I changed. That mean to be that like, I survived that fire for a reason. I I'm here for a reason.
I don't know what it is. I don't know why I'm here, but I'm here and I'm going to make the most of it.
And that was definitely like, you know, ran the time I was doing vision boards. And, you know, I wanted to go to Abu Dhabi and live my dream life and, and all of those things, I went way off track there, but I wanted to dedicate this first episode and the podcast to my brother, Christopher, who like honestly the signs and the support definitely is a lot of the reason why I'm able to do things, even though I I'm full of fear.
I'm just like, this is going to be okay, this, this is going to be fine. So I decided to do the inner work, to heal and repair my low self worth.
So I started working with a therapist. I started to get clear on my core values. If you don't know your core values and your priorities, you're living your life by other people's core values and other people's priorities, identify in my core values.
And what mattered the most to me definitely changed the trajectory of my life. Because when I asked myself, who are you, and you're not trying to impress others, who are you at your core?
What makes you happiest? And when I got clear on those five core values, one of the biggest ones was contribution.
So I was already a teacher. I got so much joy from the classroom. I loved, I love connecting with other people.
I loved all of that. I just had this real negligence, not fear. I just had this gut feeling that I was meant to teach other subjects.
So at the time I was teaching and history, obviously not. I was an Irish teacher back in Ireland, but at the time I was teaching history in Abu Dhabi.
And it was just like, no, I want to be teaching more. Like now that I had gotten to the root of my negative thoughts, my negative beliefs, and I started to really work on my low self worth.
I've been doing personal development for years. I just wanted everyone to know this. I was like, people need to know this.
And so I set up my Instagram page, absolutely Breckenridge. Like I remember doing my, my first post and I literally posted it on Instagram.
And I turned my phone off. I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I put that out there. My very first post actually was me doing a skydive in Dubai.
And I said that starting this page was actually scarier than jumping ahead of a pain, had 14 days and feet.
So that would tell you guys scared. I was on, I'm going to put in here at this point, we see people going after their dreams and going after their goals.
And we think it's because they don't have fear. We think it's because, you know, they're so confident or whatever. We all have fear because it is primal.
Everyone has fear the difference between people going after their goals and people who aren't is they control their fear, their fear doesn't control them.
So I know I have a fear of being judged. I know I have a fear of failing. I know I've all of those fears of looking stupid, sounding stupid, all of those.
Well, my goal is my desires and what I want out of life is just so much more important than those fears.
So I got over my Saturday basically, and I got out of my own way and I posted, and then I did my first talk.
So now we're in February, 2020. So I did my first talk in Abu Dhabi in a small cafe. I think it was about twenty-five who came to the talk.
I might talk was on connection on the importance of connection, the importance of listening. It's actually one of my modules now on my group, coaching course, master your mindset.
And I just loved it. I just loved bringing people together. I loved their aha moments. I just loved it, even though I was terrified.
And most of the people there were friends, colleagues, friends, and friends. So it wasn't like the audience where were strangers there might've been four or five faces in the audience that I didn't know.
I actually think it's harder to speak to people that you do know and just, yeah, showing the real role you, I started off what my own story, you know, of low self worth and oh my God boss, it was so, so worth it.
And the feedback was amazing. Everyone was so lovely and so kind. And I was just like, yeah, they, they, these, these are my subjects.
This is what I want to be teaching. And so I was planning on doing my next talk in March of 2020.
And then we all know what happened in March of 2020. So when our school closed, I don't know why I got this again, just got feeling.
And at this stage I was getting very good at listening to my gosh to go home. So I booked a trip far five days home.
And on the day I was flying back, the borders closed. So I was at the board engaged and we were told we were into board and we literally had to go down and get our bags.
I had to ring my per mom to come up from Monahan and collect me at the airport. Cause I'd rented a car.
Cause I was surprising them that I was coming home. And so my mom came up to collect me and it's so funny.
I was so worried, like my job, you know, my apartment, I'd not been home with me, you know, what was going to happen?
How long were the borders going to be closed for? And my mom only told me after that, that on the way home, down the motorway, she was agreeing with me yak.
Oh, it's awful. I know Carrie yet terrible. And she said on the inside, she was like, she's obviously like, you know, in the middle of the pandemic.
And she was just delighted that I was home and you know, always. So I couldn't see it at the time, but life is always happening far.
You, I wasn't meant to come home for five days. I was meant to come home for five months because in those five months I did some serious healing work and just self discovery.
And I probably did more work on the business than I did on myself. Deck number one, no, it was good because I did get the foundations of the business bed.
And when I went back in September, so obviously I went back to Abu Dhabi to do my third year of teaching.
And when I went back in September of last year, I just couldn't sat there. I just, there was a few things that happened in particular, in that September that really, really triggered childhood stuff and the fire.
And it was September was a really, really tough month. And I went into a downward spiral to the point that when I came home in December, I just could not go back.
Like I physically could not go back. I was on very strong antidepressants. I couldn't get out of bed. And I spent six weeks in my pajamas on my mom's sofa being like, how did I get here?
What happened? Like wash? And it was just probably if not definitely the lowest point of my adult life. And when I look back, that was only 12 months ago.
I actually a memory popped up on my phone over the weekend from the apartment, the weekend that I left. And I was just like, whoa, this is why, where you are today is not who you are this time.
12 months ago, I was crippled with anxiety, depression, and complex PTSD. Like friends have even said to me, you were not yourself this time last year.
And I'm like, yeah, I know I really wasn't myself. So whatever your circumstances are today, they're just a reflection of the choices that you've made.
And a lot of times our choices, aren't conscious, our choices come from our childhood condition. And a lot of our childhood conditioning is around people pleasing and minimizing our own needs and our own desires by it lesson to my gosh over the summer, I knew deep down that going back to Abu Dhabi, wasn't right for me, but I ignored it.
And I figured no, like, you know, we're in a pandemic, just go back. I listened to my head instead of my heart, I listened to, you know, logic and reason.
I listened to all the wrong things rather than doing what I knew deep down was right for me and anybody who's a teacher knows you do not leave.
Mid-year I had been a teacher 11 years at this point and leaving mid-year and Latin down. So many people, I can't even describe the guilt, the shame, the fear.
It was just awful. And I remember even in January feeling like I'm never going to come out of this, I'm never going to get over this.
And after doing a lot of the deep inner work, a lot of therapy coming out of it, I started to get back into the business kind of mid end of February.
And then we launched our group coaching course in March. And it has just been a journey even since March launched group coaching.
It went really, really well. The first group were absolutely fabulous launched the second round in may, I was coaching one-on-one clients launched the third Ryan.
Then when I moved to Portugal in September launch, the third round we are nearly finished. We've two more sessions left.
And like, I feel like that's the long short story. The reason I'm sharing all of the ups and downs is because I want you to know that life is up and down.
It's not open down because you're weak or because you're not doing life, right, or it's because that's the journey we're meant to go on.
We're meant to have the low points so we can learn the lessons we're meant to have the low points so we can get clear on what really matters to us.
We're meant to have the low points so we can appreciate the high points. This December in particular is just in contrast to last December is night and day.
And I just get waves of gratitude that I have never felt healthier. I've never felt happier. I've never felt more love in my life more.
Laughter. I'm just, I wouldn't appreciate this as much. If I hadn't had that low last December, please know that wherever you are right now, you're not going to be there forever.
And whatever it is that you really, really want to do in life, just go for it because going for it this year, after coming out of that fog and haze of, of complex PTSD, after coming out of that, I just swore that I was going to put my health and happiness first, no matter what, because it had cost me everything to not put my health and happiness first.
And that's what I love helping clients with the most. Now when they reconnect with their self worth and start to put their health and happiness first and they get rid of the limit and beliefs that doing that is selfish that, you know, putting yourself first means that you're putting others last when they get over the black and white pink and, and you know, the limit and beliefs that keep us stuck and they start to see the benefits and their energy changes.
It is honestly the most rewarding job ever. And the best feeling. I get messages a lot on Instagram. Like how did you do it?
What courses did you do? All of that? And I'm always like, go for it. Do is we need more coaches.
I'm fully booked. I have a waitlist, like go for it, bloody do it. I'm excited far this new platform. I'm excited.
You know, my personality is if, if you know me, I'm very chatty and I always get frustrated like say with stories on Instagram or even tech talk like, you know, it has to be under 30 seconds and I'm always like, no, I've so much more to say on my social media manager, big shout out to Dara.
She has played a massive part in my journey this year or 2:00 AM. And she has been behind the success of our launches and the success of air, social media and Everton.
So big shout out to era. But the amount of times she has had to message me to say, Claire, the captions too long, can you, can you cut it out?
I'm like, oh Jesus per D era. But no. So I feel like I really feel like this is going to be my platform.
I feel like this is me and my comfort zone. You know, even with coaching clients, if they email me something, I have to voice no back.
So, you know, if they need support with something during the week and they're like, Claire, this happened, you know, how can I ground myself?
How can I, you know, come back to what we were talking about this week. I have to voice notice because that's, I think my strong point, I'm really excited for this podcast and obviously it is brand new.
So if you got any value out of this first episode, please, please, please share it with a friend, share it on your social media, leave a review, subscribe, whatever it is because I am so excited to get this off the ground.
I'm so excited to have amazing guests on. I can't wait to see where the podcast goes in 2022, but I'm going to come back to my intention of starting.
This podcast is to get you to reconnect what your self worth to get you to stop relying on the outside for confidence, inner peace contentment comes and others make you happy in the long run.
You can do what I did and spend 20 years trying to run your emotions at Ron, a painful past force.
Now that I have done the inner work, I am a peace in the present. Most of the time, obviously I still come up against challenges and triggers, but just know that like inner peace, contentment, confidence, self-worth they are so, so possible.
And there is no better feeling than feeling good in yourself. Honestly like of all the things that I have achieved in my Hershey three years here, you know, the amazing job in Abu Dhabi is setting up my own business.
Like I said, he can't believe that I'm setting up my own podcast. Everything. My greatest achievement in life is my relationship with myself, genuinely love and myself, genuinely feeling content and happy in myself and I get to help others do that.
That's my job. Oh, it just pinch me. I'm so glad that you're here. I can't wait for you to come on this journey with me and remember your worth.
I'm sending you so much love. See you in the next step. Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of the women of worth podcast.
I hope you enjoy listening to it. As much as I didn't create niche, don't forget to hit the subscribe button.
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And please share this episode because we are so much stronger together. Other women are not your competition. They are Amy Spiration, but they show us what is possible.
The only person that gets to decide your worth ease. You have a great week and I'll see you back here next week.