Women of Worth
Welcome to the Women of Worth Podcast with Claire Fealy! I am so excited to have you join me today to kick off this amazing journey and dive into how I got to this place in life. This show covers inspiring stories to help you uncover your worth. You are worthy because you were born. PERIOD.But this isn’t just my podcast. I would never be where I am today without you! So, settle in, grab a nice cup of tea and welcome to the first episode of OUR podcast.
Women of Worth
You'll Never Be Happy With What You Have Until You're Happy With Who You Are
If you're exhausted from constantly worrying about what others think of you - you're not alone.
For high achievers especially, external validation can become an all consuming addiction – the more you receive praise, the more you need.
This relentless pursuit for more leaves you perpetually empty, no matter how much you achieve.
I spent three decades trying to get others to like me, chasing validation through achievements and approval.
Every time I reached a goal, I immediately needed something bigger – from teaching to department head, from my first 10K month to 20K.
But with every achievement, the happiness was only ever fleeting, and I remained trapped in the belief that I simply wasn't enough exactly as I am.
The breakthrough came when I realized a fundamental truth: until you're happy with who you are, you'll never be happy with what you have.
True contentment isn't found in big achievements or others' approval – it's found in the present moment, in what I call "finding bliss in the basics."
This episode explores the powerful shift from proving your worth to prioritizing your well-being.
You'll discover why caring more about being respected than being liked changes everything, and how self-respect must come first.
In this powerful episode, you'll learn:
• The self-worth trap: why constantly proving your worth through achievements and approval only feeds feelings of not being enough
• Why high achievers become addicted to praise and how this addiction is never satisfied
• My three word mantra that helps you stay in your purpose, peace and power
• Why happiness comes from who you are, not what you have or achieve
• How to actually built self-trust and respect, simply and sustainably
• Why self-acceptance beats self-improvement every day of the week
When you stop outsourcing your happiness, confidence, and self-worth and start living from the inside out, you experience freedom, confidence and peace that no achievement or validation could ever even come close to.
Ready to live with less stress, more happiness and success?
Let's dive in!
PS: If you're a high achiever with outer success who wants the inner happiness to match, drop me a DM on IG @clairefealymindsetcoach or email claire.fealy@gmail.com for more information. Ready whenever you are!
Welcome to the Women of Worth podcast. I am your host, clare Feely, teacher turned mindset and confidence coach. Each week, I will be bringing you inspiring people messages and science-backed strategies to help you reconnect with your worth. You are worthy because you were born. This podcast is all about empowering you to stop proving your worth and start being it, because the only person that gets to decide your worth is you. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Women of Worth podcast.
Speaker 1:In today's episode, I want to talk to you about how to stop caring about what other people think of you and how to stop giving so much of your power away. I'm going to talk to you about why you do it and, more importantly, how to stop doing it. Um, I actually have. I was looking over my podcast episodes this morning and I have loads of episodes on this already. So if this is something you struggle with, like, today's episode is kind of the summary of all of those episodes. So if you enjoy today's episode, definitely go back and check out more of those. Um, you'll see in the title, like how to get over the fear of rejection, how to, you know, stop obsessing over what other people think of you. But in today's episode I want to give like a short summary. When I was going over the notes of all of those episodes, I was like, right, this is what it is really about, so let's get stuck in.
Speaker 1:On Saturday, I was talking on my stories on Instagram about when you try to control things that are outside of your control. That that's what creates so much stress and anxiety. So I was talking about a client who had bought a house recently but she was getting really frustrated with the housing market. The if you know anything about buying houses at the minute, the bidding wars are actually ridiculous. Like one of the houses she was looking at went 200,000 euro over the asking price. That's how much people were bidding and outbidding each other and she was getting really frustrated. And a lot of what I do with my clients is getting them to stay in their circle of control, getting them to stay in their power. So I have no control over the current housing market in Ireland. I have no control over how other people are bidding. I have no control over the future and how much this price is going to go for, like how much sorry, how much this house is going to go for, but what I have full and complete control over is my own thoughts, emotions, actions in the present, so I use the acronym T thoughts, emotions, actions.
Speaker 1:When you stay in your circle of control and this is also called an inner locus of control there is so much freedom. There is so much freedom, there is so much peace, there is so much happiness in not trying to control the things that are completely outside of your control, because when we could try to control the things that are outside of our control, it leads to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. So a mantra I use to regulate your nervous system and keep you in your circle of control is this or better. So three words that will absolutely change your life, whether it is in dating and you're, you know, want to get into a relationship like I always use the mantra this or better If, like, even if I'm doing strategy calls with a client and say a client doesn't sign up.
Speaker 1:It rarely happens, but if it does happen I always fall back on because there's another client who's even better. So it's this and that's not to dismiss the person that I was speaking with. It's not about that's not to dismiss the person that I was speaking with. It's not about that at all, but it's this, like it's nearly positive expectation. It's nearly like I didn't get this, not because, like I used to default into I didn't get it because I didn't deserve it. You know, it didn't happen for me because I'm not good enough, whereas now I default to oh, I didn't get this because something better is on the way.
Speaker 1:So, with this client, we finished up working about um, finished up working together about a month ago, and she messaged me last week to say Claire, you're not going to believe this, but I bought a house and it is actually better, because the last house she was looking at before we finished working, she was like no, clare, you don't understand. This ticks all my boxes. It's in the perfect area, it's exactly what I'm looking for. And she was ready to just give up, like she's been looking for this house for a number of years now. And she, like she was like I cannot believe. And in my head I'm like of course it was better, like I didn't doubt that for a second. But those three words will completely change your life when you start using them in every area this, this or better.
Speaker 1:And so I put a question box up on my Instagram story afterwards and I asked what are you always trying to control? That is completely outside of your control. So I used examples of do you try to control outcomes? Are you trying to control the future? Do you try to control opinions? Whatever, all of the responses were some variation of other people Like I tried to get my boss to praise me. This is just one of the responses.
Speaker 1:Looking for validation from your boss and this is so common with high achievers Like, external validation is an addiction for high achievers. It's like the more you get of it, the more you need of it. Right, and it was all around other people's opinions or trying to control other people. And I want to talk because I think that this is so, so, so important. But when you are and this is what it comes down to you are caring more about how you're being perceived than how you actually feel. So take, for example, the woman who cares more about what her boss thinks of her.
Speaker 1:So I've coached loads of clients that are very high up in the corporate world, but it's this constant need for the next person up to tell them that they're doing a great job, and what happens is they will sacrifice their health and happiness for that hit of validation, like they'll work on big, big projects and it's like and it's not a conscious choice, it's defaulting. They're not consciously deciding, like they know that they're exhausted, they know that they can't keep doing this. But it's like this, but I just I don't. This is just always how I've been, this is always how I've worked. So what happens and this comes down as well with perfectionism it's when you only feel valued when you are acknowledged and appreciated. So the only way you know how to feel good about yourself is by other people mirroring that back to you. That means that you are constantly codependent. You're constantly dependent on your boss, your family, your friends to tell you that you're a good person. But the thing about validation is it's a quick fix, right. So, yes, you'll get that hit of relief and you'll feel really good, but then you go back into your head and you go back into doubting yourself and questioning yourself.
Speaker 1:And what happened with me was the more validation I got. Like every time I achieved something, I had to go bigger the next time, like when I was obviously a teacher in Ireland. Then I'd go be a teacher in Abu Dhabi, but being a teacher wasn't enough. I had to be head of the humanities department and then that that wasn't enough. I had to set up a business. And then in the business, I hit my first 10K month. That wasn't enough. I had to hit my 20K month, and so on and so on and so on.
Speaker 1:And that is why, like I call this the self-worth trap, the more you try to prove your worth through achieving, through approval, through attention, all of these things, the more you try to prove it, the more you feed the fear that you're not enough, because every time you achieve the next level and it doesn't feel enough, you take that to be that you're just not like. Honestly, what it was for me was I'm just not good enough, no matter what I achieve, no matter what I have. And it's because happiness does not come from what you have or what you achieve. Happiness comes from who you are and how you feel. It comes from how you feel first thing in the morning when you wake up. It comes from falling asleep at night feeling so fulfilled and your soul is just so at peace. And I wish that I knew this sooner. I wish that I got off the I'll be happy when hamster wheel and just let myself be enough. Let myself be happy and stop trying to prove my worth.
Speaker 1:And if you've ever heard of the book um, it's called the top five regrets of the dying and it's by an australian palliative care nurse and she nursed people who were dying far over a decade and she noticed the same themes coming up of people's biggest regrets before they passed. And I swear to god, I read over these every morning to just remind myself, like, what really matters in life? Um, but one of them is I wish I had let myself be happier. And I just have this deep belief that until you are happy with who you are, you will never be happy with what you have. And so, for me, I've stopped chasing happiness in the approval of others, I've stopped chasing happiness in my next big achievement. Like I even say, bliss is not in the big things, it's in the basics, it's in the little, like the moments of the day, not the big milestones.
Speaker 1:And when you start living this way, like living from the inside out, and you stop outsourcing your confidence, your happiness, your sense of safety, your sense of security because at the root of it, that's what you're doing you're actually putting like you're outsourcing your power. Because, if you like, I'll give you an example. If you like me, then that means I can relax. That means like oh, okay, you know. I'll just give the example. Mary likes me, oh, you know? Phew, but it's, I promise you, like it doesn't last. It really does not last, whereas when you build your self-worth and your happiness and your peace from the inside out, like when you work on the things that nobody can take away from you, you are unshakable, you are unstoppable. You are like you're just not chasing a better tomorrow. You're not. Like it's. It's the most powerful energy you will ever embody. And I'm obviously like.
Speaker 1:That's a very brief summary of what's happening for you. There's a lack of safety in your nervous system, in your body, and you're looking for others to tell you that you're good enough. And all of that like take from someone who spent three decades trying to get other people to like me. I promise you it's only ever temporary. It's like putting a bandage on a shark bite.
Speaker 1:So what are you going to do? Instead, you are going to and this is the big mindset shift you need to care more about being respected than being liked. Okay, claire, that sounds lovely. I'm going to start caring more about being respected than being liked, and what I mean by is I care more about my boss. Now, obviously, I work for myself, I am my boss, but I'm just using I'm my own boss, but I'm using this as an example. And even if you have your own business like I, have a lot of clients and people in my community that have their own business even if you have your own business like I, have a lot of clients and people in my community that have their own business even if you have your own business it's that you care more about being respected by others than being liked. How do you care more about being respected? It has to start with your own self-respect you.
Speaker 1:You can't get other people to respect you while you are running yourself into the ground like if you were going around like a headless chicken, and you're running yourself into the ground and you're living for the validation of others. You're going to sacrifice yourself. You're going to sacrifice your health and happiness, and the message you're sending to yourself and the message you're sending to others is my needs don't matter, I don't matter. So the number one thing you have to do is put and this is when everything changed for me. I decided it was back in 2022 so about three years now and I decided that health was my highest priority. Like no matter what, health was my highest priority and my well-being came before work and it's one of the hardest things I've ever done, because I had to unlearn so much bullshit like that. To be successful, you need to be working constantly and to be liked, you need to bend over backwards for people and to have a successful business, you need to show up on social media every day. I cared more about being respected than being liked, and I did that by respecting myself first, and this is the breakdown in my program pressure to peace and when I'm working with my one-on-one clients. This is the breakdown that I give and this is going to blow your mind right? But love is not this fancy fluffy. Oh, I love myself. It's not.
Speaker 1:Love is two things. Love is trust and respect. I want you to think of somebody that you love like the person you love the most. You love them because you trust them, like you trust them with your life and you respect them. Right, that is what love is. It's trust and respect. Why do you trust and respect them? I want you to think back, like I'll use this as an example when you first met your partner whether that's a partner that you're with now or even a friend, right when you first met them, you did not trust and respect them on day one. Of course you didn't. You trusted and respected them because they built that up over time. So trust and respect comes from these are the two things right. Trust and respect comes from time and attention. So a relationship is not like a relationship does not just happen magically, it happens through time and attention. Think of when you're first getting to know someone, like you're giving them your time, they're giving you their time, and you're giving them attention and you're getting to know them. And you're getting to know them, their likes, likes, their fears. You're getting to know everything about them.
Speaker 1:And when I put health as my highest priority and I decided that I matter, my needs matter and that I don't need all of this outer success to be happy. So when I decided and I started meditate, like I have been meditating before this, but this time was different. It was so intentional because I kept burning out, trying to prove my worth, whereas this time it was like I went from trying to constantly prove my worth to prioritizing my well-being, and that's the shift that I use in pressure to peace is how to get out of proving your worth and how to get into prioritizing your well-being. Because when you're prioritizing your well-being and you do this by having daily non-negotiables right, so you start with one non-negotiable. So in pressure to peace, you start with, like your morning mindset non-negotiable, and it's that keeping small promises to yourself.
Speaker 1:So imagine you had a friend and they kept saying, yeah, I'll go to, I'll go on a walk with you tomorrow. Yeah, and imagine they cancelled every day. What's your relationship like with that person? And this is what I see a lot with high achievers they're constantly making promises to themselves I'm going to get back to the gym, I'm going to get up early tomorrow, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. You're constantly breaking promises to yourself and eventually you just give up and you look outside of yourself. And it's when you stop living from the outside in and you start living from the inside out.
Speaker 1:I swear to god, everything changes when you start giving yourself time and attention, like that's what my daily walks are. If you follow me on Instagram, you see I put my daily walk up nearly every day and I always caption it, you know nature every day. But I get out and I spend time with myself. After a day of work. I always, as soon as I finish work, get out and go for a walk and I I'm just paying attention to myself, I'm giving myself time and attention. And it's over the last three years I've built up so much of my respect and so much of my trust that now I don't get my happiness from outside of myself. I don't get my happiness from my achievements or the approval of others. I get my happiness from who I am, my thoughts and my emotions. I get my happiness from my authenticity, from my own approval. And I swear to god, I can't even like, I'm trying to just think of the words to describe this feeling of freedom and peace and just.
Speaker 1:It is the most powerful work you will ever do and what I will say is stop looking for the quick fix and make one small promise to yourself. Tomorrow I am going to and you have to make it so simple like five minutes. Tomorrow I am going to go for a walk. For five minutes. I am going to like just one thing, that is five minutes. You have to prove to yourself that you can trust yourself, that you, you know like, you're building up your relationship with yourself and I swear to god, it is so, so, so powerful.
Speaker 1:I'm going to wrap up because I wanted to keep this. I wanted to keep this podcast episode short and to the point, but what I want to say and this is what I wish, wish, wish I knew 10 years ago when I first got into personal development until you are happy with who you are, you will never be happy with what you have. Until you are happy, like in the present moment, it does not matter how much money you have in the bank, how many followers you have, how many people like you or don't like you. It is the inner work, it's your thoughts, emotions, actions. That is always what I am focused on with my clients. How can you program your mind, be present in your body and prioritize your actions so that you are staying in your power, and this is what I talk about in pressure to peace, of peace. Is not this perfect, problem-free life like this month? I this my first podcast episode this month, because this month has been a bit all over the place, but I have stayed in my power and it's not about perfection, it's about presence, it's about being in the present moment, being in your power and loving and accepting yourself no matter what.
Speaker 1:So I used to obsess over self-improvement, but now I'm obsessed with self-acceptance. How can I accept myself exactly as I am? How can I love myself more? How can I be more of me today and not who I think the world wants me to be? And it's just like the best way to describe it is. Imagine the person who loves you the most, like whether that's a partner, a pet, I don't care right. Imagine loving yourself the way that they love you. Imagine seeing yourself the way that they see you. It's just, it's honestly the best feeling ever.
Speaker 1:So make one small promise to yourself, starting today. Make it five minutes, set an alarm on your phone, make it fun, make it into like when I'm doing this work with clients, I'm like. Imagine dating yourself, like you're starting to get to know yourself, because we obsess over the outer and we ignore the inner, and this is where so much of our exhaustion comes from and our emptiness right. Make one small promise to yourself. Show up for yourself, and if you want my help to do that, I am doing some free strategy sessions. If you are a high achiever. You have the outer success and you want the inner happiness to match, and you want to do it at lightning speed. This is what I do with my clients. So if you want more information on pressure to peace, if you want to do a strategy session to see if one-on-one coaching is for you, drop me a dm over on instagram. Drop me an email, clairefeely at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:I'll put all of this in the show notes and stop chasing a better tomorrow and start getting your happiness and your peace and your love and your respect and your trust from within. Stop outsourcing your happiness, your worth, your confidence. I swear to God, one small promise at a time, like. I'm three years into this now and the difference is night and day. I have never felt healthier, I've never felt happier, I've never felt more whole, worthy and complete, and you have that exact same power as I do. You already have all of this inside of you.
Speaker 1:Let me know what your biggest takeaways are. I always love hearing feedback from the podcast. Drop me a DM, send me an email, and if you could share this podcast with one friend or family member who needs this reminder today, I would be so grateful and bonus points if you share it on your stories. Help me to help more women and reach more women, because your only goal in life is to flip and enjoy it, and that starts by loving who you are, where you are, what you do and how you do it. Thank you so much for listening and to today's episode, and I will chat to you very soon.
