Little Bracket of Horrors
A horror movie review podcast that puts the fight in fright. We review a film every other week and at the end of the season we'll have a tournament to see who is the champion in the Little Bracket of Horrors Death-match.
Little Bracket of Horrors
Thirst
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Welcome to Little Bracket of Horrors. The pod that puts the fight in fright!
In this episode to head to land of fire and ice for Thirst. This 2020 comedy/horror flick follows the unlikely team of Hulda (a drug addicted women being accused of murdering her brother) and Hjortur (a thousand year old gay vampire) who are being chased down by the cops and some Jesus freaks.
So join the LBOH crew as they duck and dive their way around all the decapitated penises and try to make sense of all the randomness of this film.
How dare my knuckles hit the darn table. Absolutely. It was very extra. Sorry. That's fine. This episode is going to be extra. So welcome to Little Bracket of Horrors. I'm Derek.
SPEAKER_05I'm Shelly.
SPEAKER_01We're drinking.
SPEAKER_02And I'm Matt.
SPEAKER_05It's not going to be like the physical.
SPEAKER_02No, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, no, no. We are not already drunk.
SPEAKER_05We have to be productive humans on this uh beautiful day.
SPEAKER_02So especially about this beautiful movie. Yes.
SPEAKER_01But uh let's start it off how we start them all off. Did you guys watch anything scary or anything scary happen? Jelly's. I have both.
SPEAKER_05I mean I watched the black phone in preparation for Horror Nights. Uh I agree. I think you mentioned it a few weeks ago. The trailer basically is the whole movie. So that was a little disheartening. But it was good. It was good. It could have been a little kicked up a notch for me, but and then I went to Horror Nights for a couple hours on Friday. Oh, that's awesome. You're gonna hear a lot about that from Sis M. We're all really big fans, so the haunt season is upon us.
SPEAKER_01It is upon us. It officially starts in September. September, yeah. You know what's up.
SPEAKER_05I mean, I've been decorated for Halloween since like July.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we got this fun little kid around. We're at we're we're at Shelly's uh house here, and yeah, there's already uh some Halloween decorations up. It looks great.
SPEAKER_03It's pretty spooky.
SPEAKER_02It is spooky. It is spooky.
SPEAKER_01I feel like we're having a seance because the rest of the room is dark, but we have lights on the table.
SPEAKER_05I live very much like a vampire my whole life. My rooms have just been like dark. I don't like lights.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. It's perfect for watching scary movies.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. I mean, if uh I if I could black the windows out, I would just to make it even more dark in here. I love in the night.
SPEAKER_01Awesome. How about you, Matt? Anything?
SPEAKER_02Um, I watched a scary movie. I believe it was called The Final. The Final? I'm pretty sure that's what it was called. But it's uh long story short, it's about these kids that get picked on in in high school. The the ones that are getting picked on kind of row all the bullies and shit together saying there's gonna be a party in this like abandoned warehouse or whatever. Because you're always good for revenge. And they end up basically taking, yeah, taking revenge on these kids and uh mutilating them and so was it gory then? Um there was I mean it was a little bit of gore, but it wasn't like you know, it wasn't like crazy, you know, crazy gory or anything. Do you remember where you watched it?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, is it this one?
SPEAKER_02Yep, that's it. Yeah, the final is that Tubi? I because it um this is just IMDb. Yeah, I think it might have been on Tubi. Um what year? Oh my gosh, you're asking me. Right here. I'm filled it up. Thank you, please do. 2010 notes on the movie? No, why? Because it's not the movie I'm reviewing. No, he watched it for five years. Yeah, Derek Derek, everything's fucking worked. I'm taking notes for everything. So yeah, that's Shelly. That's the one there. I mean, it was, you know, it's it was pretty good. Um it was good. Uh did you give it stabs? I would. I'd give it, I'd give it a three. I'd give it a three stabs. So it was like a revenge flick then? Yeah, it was. It was. Um, and uh I won't give you the the uh ending away or anything, but yeah, if you want, check it out. I thought it was pretty cool.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it looks like it's on uh Tubi, which is a I mean, gosh. Sponsor us Tubi.
SPEAKER_02We've already got it. That's our jam, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah seriously. I know there's there are podcasts specifically for Shudder. We could do a podcast specifically for Tubi. Right. Just with how much content they have.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, lots of good free movies. I mean, not always. Sometimes you get on there and there's a bunch of duds, but there is speaking of leads us to, unless you've seen anything scary the past couple days.
SPEAKER_01I didn't I didn't watch anything particularly scary, but Friday night we try to have my wife and my son and I, we we try to have like a movie night on Friday, and we haven't watched the new Doctor Strange movie yet, Multiverse. Oh, okay. I loved it. I loved it. So, but regardless, Ian watched it with us. My son is nine years old, and uh it was it was totally his first scary movie with his reaction to it. He was not prepared, and I needed Well Zombie Doctor Strange is a little scary. Zombie Doctor Strange is a little scary, and all the you know, ghouls that are in it. So I had to uh I had to lay in bed with him until he fell asleep Friday night. So Ian watched his first scary movie.
SPEAKER_05I'll never forget when Ian watched his first scary trailer when we all went to see Jurassic World. Oh, yeah. And that uh trailer for Beast came on. When it was over, all you could hear, is it over now?
SPEAKER_01I was I was in the front of the theater and I had to run to the back to sit with him. But yeah, that that was his first scary trailer. So scary. We will all remember that.
SPEAKER_05Too funny.
SPEAKER_01You guys ready to get into thirst? Let's get it. Let's do this shit. All right. First segment is called Dig Up the Bones. And this Matt just introduces a movie we watched and gives a brief synopsis. Uh, Matt, take it away. You look so excited.
SPEAKER_05I'm just so curious how you wrote this or if you just copy and pasted it from somewhere, because I wouldn't even know.
SPEAKER_02I'm not gonna tell you whether they did or not. So, first, uh, this is a uh 2019 movie. Uh, it's an hour 30 minutes. Thank god. Yeah. It's uh oh yeah, it could have been less too. So it's labeled as, and we'll get into that, it's labeled as comedy horror. Rotten tomatoes, I couldn't find anything. There's no there was no rating on on Rotten Tomatoes. That's a terrible thing.
SPEAKER_05So I think part of the problem is you probably have to search it as it's Dutch or Swedish, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you could probably find more if you can't actual name, but I couldn't find its actual name anywhere.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's I it's Icelandic, so who is and again, maybe I maybe I just can didn't really give that much of a fuck to research it that much, but uh I did I think.
SPEAKER_01You are all showing your hand right now.
SPEAKER_02Right. But um, but I did try to find I actually like went under Rotten Tomatoes and I'm trying to look up the movie and everything, I couldn't find it. So so, anyways, going back, so the initial release was uh October 25th, uh 2019. And um, we discussed I think there's only one name that I can pronounce in in any of this uh directors and and the actors and everything. Shoot, go for it. Sure. So it's starring Horthor Saviar Stun Stansen Son. Perfect, right? Got it. All right, so then it's uh Hulda Lind Tris Triskin Dog Critic. Yeah, that sounds good. And Jens Jensen.
SPEAKER_00Which is funny because this is all this is all their names in the movie, too.
SPEAKER_05Exactly. Which I've seen Icelandic movies do that before. That's anything from that European area.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna do they really have problems uh being called by different names, it sounds like then, if that's the case in Icelandic films. There's like a lot of movie that they're like, I'm Derek. No, no, no. Today you're playing Richard. No, no, no, no, you're not doing that to me.
SPEAKER_02I know who I am. My born name was Derek. Yeah. There's no sequel, thank the Lord. Uh and the music is by Brendan Sen Brendenson. Brendanson? I don't know. I didn't look that up. You you corrected me with Jen's. No, whatever. So production companies, I couldn't find. Uh produced by Level IK, distributed by Uncorked Entertainment. Box Office Gross could not find anything, obviously, for many reasons. And I guess I should have looked more into this, but their budget was uh I think their budget was a million dollars. It says ISK. I think that's probably Ice Icelandic currency.
SPEAKER_01That's the first one. What's that the ruble? Is that the ruble? Whatever I think I think yeah, whatever antler, you know, dear antler particles, and whatever their currency is.
SPEAKER_02Right. And their gross was a whopping $36,389.
SPEAKER_01So they made $89.
SPEAKER_02So they made yeah. So they made. So, anyways, okay. Go ahead. The film follows Hulda, a woman who is suspected of being responsible for the death of her brother, Steindinden.
SPEAKER_01Oh, he had a name?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I guess. Okay, cool. And is being investigated by police. After being released from custody due to insufficient evidence, she has nowhere to turn to. Lingering around in the cold, she befriends an elderly man who turns out to be a thousand-year-old gay vampire who brings her brother to life, realizing this was a boner of a mistake. What? Which leads to a terrible consequence. I disagree. I disagree with that choice. A boner mistake. Yeah, you know, like that.
SPEAKER_01Was that you? That was me. Oh, you're terrible. Yeah, look at this guy. All right. Let's get under this stupid. Well, well, before we jump in, how did you guys feel initially? Because we did watch the trailer uh when we picked the movie last week. How did you guys feel?
SPEAKER_05I was already kind of like womp womp.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Also, I was just looking at the reviews on Shutter, which I know is how you did. And I don't know how you didn't know there would be a lot of dick in this movie because every review is like five dongs up.
SPEAKER_01And so wow. I'm gonna show my cards. So when I when I made the list, there was obviously a bunch of movies I never heard of that I put on the list to end up in the hat, to end up on the wheel, and all that. So I resorted so when I was when I was like 14, 15, I would go to the CD store and I was just getting into like punk music. A lot of times I would just look at the CD case and be like, oh, that looks cool, I'll get that. So this film, I was like, Oh, that looks cool, I'll put this on the wheel. I was like, that vampire. It looked like it was like you know, a headache. Yeah, like the lettering was very like heavy metal and it looked bloody, and I was like, Oh, that's cool. And if it would have looked closer in that poster, I would have seen that the guy was holding a dick in his hand. But I didn't. So that's how we got this film. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So initial reaction, I I honestly I can't remember watching the trailer with some reason.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So when we're watching the trailer, I did, I was like, okay, this is I'm pretty sure this is a horror comedy. So I was like, Matt's finally getting a horror comedy, but it looks like you have some reservations about that. Super reservations. We'll we'll get into all that. So let's just cut the fat. But I didn't get a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02No, it's okay. Like you said though, initially looking at looking at the uh poster, I'm like, oh, this looks pretty cool. You know, dark you know, black and white with you know some red, and it just looks like he's this, you know, pretty badass vampire. Um so duly mistaken. But anyways, go ahead.
SPEAKER_05And maybe it was their their tagline new and most badass gay vampire zombie splatter movie you'll ever see. Ever.
SPEAKER_01Ever. Right. Next up is Feasting Fiends. And this we just discuss the topics of overall pros, overall cons of the movie, favorite lines, most enjoyable characters, and then most annoying characters, and then we finish it off with our favorite kills slash scares. So pros.
unknownOh my god.
SPEAKER_01Shelly, give us her pros.
SPEAKER_02Please start. Don't do me last. I'm gonna think about something here.
SPEAKER_05I don't have many. I don't have any, I don't think. I just put the blood sparts question mark, maybe.
SPEAKER_01There was a lot of blood in it, so gore-ish. Um I will allow it. You got nothing.
SPEAKER_05I watch this movie several times and I fell asleep every time.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, Derek? Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and go because I do have a couple things. So, much like Shelly, I said the gore. I said so much blood. I did enjoy the practical effects, though it wasn't the best we've ever seen. It was pretty low grade. I thought it was endearing and looked like you know, some of it looked like props you would pick up a spirit Halloween. So like if I would have made like try to make a gory film, I it would have looked like this. So I th I th that was kind of fun to me. And then uh visually, some of the shots, like it was all shot at night, and the way that they used the lights and uh, you know, I don't know if it was a camera lens as well, but I thought it looked pretty visually stunning as well as for like a low budget movie. Uh so I like that, and I did like how in the story itself, you know, we had hold on Hortar or whatever the vampire guy's name was how do you pronounce it, but uh it started off like we thought they were gonna be the bad ones and the cops and and the religious cult were like the good ones trying to save the day, and it won't ruin it, but things switch around and it it there's a little bit of a curveball, so I appreciated that. So those were my pros. Matt, what do you got?
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh. I'm like Shelly. I I got nothing. I couldn't think of one thing in this movie. You didn't enjoy all the blood spurt? No, everything just overshadowed anything of badness, overshadowed the totally did. I um yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna stop there. And when we get to the cons, we'll we'll go from there. Well, that's what we're getting into next.
SPEAKER_01This is gonna be fun.
SPEAKER_02So, do you want me to jump into the cons right now?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but we just impressed Matt. Take away the cons.
SPEAKER_02Go ahead. So horrible movie. I I thought this was the dumbest. Overall, this was probably in line pretty close to the demented movie that we watched. There was where was the comedy in this movie? There was no comedy in this movie. There was some lines.
SPEAKER_05This dicks off was pretty funny. Yeah. I did giggle a little.
SPEAKER_01There were some funny lines. There were some funny lines. And those situations, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Did you got none? Did you not? I think I was so angry by this movie that I just maybe I missed anything funny.
SPEAKER_05Well, you had to read.
SPEAKER_02Well, well, there's your problem. I can't I have a hard time. No, I I read it and everything. Yeah, I just I couldn't get it.
SPEAKER_01So the one scene where Holda's mom is murdered because her brother is like reanimated as a vampire after like she's laying on the floor with her guts exposed and she's holding her guns.
SPEAKER_05Which was again, like you said, pro she like tries to put them back in. Like, that's gonna help anything.
SPEAKER_02Like just laying on top of like there was no like you could tell there was really they just threw him on top of her and terrible problems. Okay, okay. So one thing that I'll say was funny that I did laugh at the time.
SPEAKER_01Is this back to the pros then?
SPEAKER_02So, no, sure, whatever the fuck. This movie, I hated this movie, okay. Going back to when he's in the field getting all emotional spinning around, and I was like, okay, yeah, that I mean, I don't know if they were going for an actual like you know, sympathy sort of scene, like he's so he's struggling so much, or if they maybe were going for the comedic value and I think that's what it was. They're just silly. That scene, I was like, okay, that's a little, that's a little much. But I took it as they were being serious. Oh, okay. I yeah. I got I don't really have that much to say about this movie. I hated it. So this is gonna be a quick episode.
SPEAKER_01Stupid fucking movie. Shelly, what about you, Cons?
SPEAKER_05Okay, so like you uh Matt was just saying everything pranced around in the field.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05When he was running and like and they played this music.
SPEAKER_02It was like some 80s, like weird, like I don't even know what it was.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it was like a mon not a montage, but it was just a I mean, I guess as a thousand-year-old vampire, you have a lot of pent-up something going on, but it was like out of nowhere. Right, right, I agree. I could do without all the penises, hot dog penis. Oh, the hot dog?
SPEAKER_02Sorry.
SPEAKER_05Dicks in the mouth. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02It was just so what's with the sound effect of them eating dicks? Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Just look no, and that and then like I mean, have you ever eaten a dick to know what it sounds like?
SPEAKER_02Well, no, I have not.
SPEAKER_05So Okay, so I mean, I don't think it did.
SPEAKER_01Derek, I not yet. I don't want to rule it out. Who knows where life takes me?
SPEAKER_02It was so it was so gross.
SPEAKER_01Like that so that opening scene uh where the business guy ever eaten a dick. But the business guy, and he like he goes in the car with with the gay vampire guy and he's like going down on him. That is like extremely loud, like mouth on his penis, and then eventually biting.
SPEAKER_05You just don't know.
SPEAKER_01I clearly don't know what that sound is. Oh my god. I'm sorry, but it was a jump. But it was aggressive. I thought it was like, geez, that's very noisy.
SPEAKER_02Do you did you have any more cons? I'm sorry, go ahead. I'll shut up. I did have another one. I'll shut up. I'll shut up.
SPEAKER_05Um what? I'm gonna sound like Seinfeld. What is the deal?
SPEAKER_01What's the deal with these vampires, guys?
SPEAKER_05Um the daughter of the cop guy and the evangelistic woman uh gets into town, gets into a car, a cab, presumably. This guy proceeds to tell a whole story which the creators of this film decided to animate for whatever reason about how they found a replica sex doll of their dead mother in an attic that they then dressed up every Christmas and brought her down. Why?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's important to the story.
SPEAKER_05Why important and I and I I thought about it. I didn't want to just be like that was stupid, but I I thought about the story, and I thought of once I finished the movie, which took me like three or four times to even do, I was like, how is this animated? Like, is it relevant? No, no, no, it's not. So you wasted five minutes of the movie because she goes, I'm going to this part of town.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. She's going to the street where the house was that they found.
SPEAKER_05And he goes, I have a story about that street.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05That was the only relevancy to it. I was and what happens to Dead Rain Tier Mom? Where's Dead Rain Tier Mom now?
SPEAKER_01She's in the closet waiting for the next Christmas to come around to decorate her. Clearly. To decorate her, yeah. Yeah, that that was out of left field. And I was like, I thought it was cool, like the little animated movie. I enjoyed that for a second, but I was like, what does this have to do with fucking anything? Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And why why is animation even the choice?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. Well, so the director guy, I'm not gonna try to pronounce his name, but when I tried to look him up, uh his YouTube page, he seemed to have like a lot of like visually like artistic movies out, so it's like he's probably just trying to do something different, but it didn't fucking tie in the movie at all for anything, and it was just odd. No, so yeah, I get if you're trying to tell like a story, like to like make it different, but to not tie it into the movie with fucking anything is just pointless. Yeah, so I I totally get that. And the whole movie. Well, the whole movie, the whole movie was pointless, the whole movie was terrible. Alright, I'm gonna go with my cons. So, much like Shelly, I was like, you know, too much penis action. I'm not opposed to it. So, like in Terrifier, there was some female genitalia mutilation, which was fine. So it was nice to see the boys finally get theirs, but by the fourth one, I was like, it lost its luster and I was fucking over it. Yeah. So I was just like, you guys have jumped the shark, and I'm over the penis action. And then my last con was I don't mind movies with subtitles, but some of these subtitles went by like too quickly. Yeah, and I was like, hold on, what's going on? And then when there were conversations between people, it was even harder to follow because it didn't differentiate who was to who. So the subtitles could have been done better. So I felt, you know, it was easier to follow. Guys, let's move on to favorite lines. Matt, I know you got so much just skip me.
SPEAKER_02I hate it. You didn't do your fucking homework. I watched it and I'm like, I've got I don't you're lucky you got out of me what you got. Because this was this was I was this is one of those movies where I get angry watching. You sound angry. I I do get angry watching some of these movies. I'm like, that was a huge waste of my time.
SPEAKER_01I think Visitor was the first one where you got pissed.
SPEAKER_02Was it?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you got pissed. You texted us, you're like, hey, maybe we have a conversation.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, that's right. And then the Demented, too. That was another one. I was like, I want to, I wanna I end up kicking my dog or something. Oh my god. I I take it out on somebody. It's either they have that or the kids.
SPEAKER_01You need to get one of those uh like uh boxing buddies, yeah. Those guys that are just like an upper torso that you can punch after watching the movie run over. Yeah, boom. All right, Shelly, what about you? Favorite lines?
SPEAKER_05It's really hard to pick out a favorite line in a movie that's not even in your language. Um, but there is one point where they're in the police station and the brother had just been dugged up, and you kind of find out, or well, you know at that point that Jens is Jens's wife, is the evangelistic person they keep showing on TV, and a couple of the cops that had the dicks in their mouths at one point uh are like bullshitting around about Coco Puff sores in their mouth, which was really awkward and weird. But then they're like, Jens, why why uh is your your wife should know about what why this is all happening? Yeah, and then the guy goes spiritual world in English, and I was just like, haha. So that's my favorite line. Just because I understand she spoke English.
SPEAKER_01I like it.
SPEAKER_05That's really naive of me, but to say the least, it was a really I didn't I didn't like the movie, so all the rest of it was just like gobbledygook to me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, gobbledygook. I like it.
SPEAKER_05But that one made me laugh, so that's why I wrote it down. Because he goes, spiritual world.
SPEAKER_01So also in the police station, I think the first time they go in, there's I don't so cop lady, main cop lady, right? Uh she's on the phone and she's having a conversation, and she says, Yes, he said I should put some tape over my asshole and keep it there overnight. Then remove it in the morning and take a look, and if there's a creature stuck in a tape, then I've clearly got it. But I mean, he's no doctor, he's just my uncle. Oh my god. I died laughing at that. You guys did not think that was funny? I didn't think anything in this movie was funny. Oh my god. I thought you would at least enjoy some of the humor, but clearly not. This Icelandic humor is terrible. Terrible. And uh let's move on to most enjoyable character. I got one.
SPEAKER_05You you did have one, Matt?
SPEAKER_02Well, I just came up with it. Oh, you just like it. You remember the the the vampires and the or uh yeah, the the not the vampires, but the uh religious cult people in the background that didn't say anything that just kind of stood there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they're like uh the television crew.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, right? Yeah, those are my favorite because I didn't say anything. They just stood there wearing sunglasses.
SPEAKER_01And they provided us a lot of fun gore at the end. There you go.
SPEAKER_02That was it. That was my fun.
SPEAKER_05Good, Shelly. Um, the um voice of the kid on the phone in the beginning. I don't know. Um I guess if I had to pick one, maybe the daughter, she was kind of like a bitch. Yeah, and I like how she constantly was just like, shut up, fuck off. Oh yeah, yeah. Let me do my work. I actually wrote down nobody. Yeah, because I didn't like anyone. But if I had to pick somebody, uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Derek, I I struggled too. I struggled. I struggled. Uh, because you know, in a film like this, I think the premise of the film takes more of a center stage than the characters telling it. So it's really hard to pick out a good or bad character. So, you know, just because there's a gun pointed at my head, I I said enjoyable character was Horthar, the vampire guy, uh, just because he gave us the gore. And that was it.
SPEAKER_05No one put a gun to your head. You don't have to pick someone.
SPEAKER_01I do. It I created these uh these talking points, so I I have to give someone so I'm going with the gay vampire guy because he he gave us all the gore.
SPEAKER_02The gay vampire guy what to me had to probably been the worst. I was I was hoping like I was hoping for more of like a cooler vampire, like the pitcher. I was I was just kind of looking for more badass vampire. It's definitely badass. This guy was just badass. Yeah, he liked biting dicks, and that's and that's it. Like there wasn't anything badass about him.
SPEAKER_05And the things he said, he was he was just like, I can't eat that. Yeah, he said it was like and he was ugly. He was very sorry, sorry, he wasn't a soft-spoken vampire in that country.
SPEAKER_02Maybe I I just I couldn't, yeah. I couldn't I couldn't get into him at all. He did not do anything for me. It was not scary, he was not funny. There was n uh garbage, garbage. All right, let's go. Most annoying character. Well, I told you mine. Okay, sure. The vampire guys I wrote all of them.
SPEAKER_01All of them, yeah, cool.
SPEAKER_05I just didn't like anybody. Honestly, in it, in it the vampire was insufferable. He was an awful vampire. Yes, Hulda?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Hulda, sure.
SPEAKER_05Insufferable again. She just constantly just like go somewhere and stop going places.
SPEAKER_01Right. Stop walking around, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh the evangelistic lady, stupid. The family they kept shooting to, which had no relevancy to the rest of the film, watching the evangelistic lady. Oh, yeah, yeah. Stupid. Wow, yeah, what's that all about, though? See, there's so many like offset things happening in this movie that aren't related to the hot dog vendor, to every last cop, to the brother as a vampire, to the mom who's in suffering. They're all bad. I could give you a reason. I can sit here. I you want me to tell you why they're bad? I can go through it.
SPEAKER_01I do. I think you summarized it pretty good right there. I liked it. I just think this I want to hear it.
SPEAKER_05Like you have a core of a movie and then you have spokes, but then you the spokes always connect in some way and a wheel. Yes. You got a wheel. Yeah. Okay. This wheel is shattered.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it is. It's fragmented. It's all over the place.
SPEAKER_05Anyways.
SPEAKER_02Again, it's another movie, like The Demented. Great premise, great, great idea for a movie.
SPEAKER_05Is it though?
SPEAKER_02I think it is.
SPEAKER_05A dick eating vampire?
SPEAKER_02Well, maybe not necessarily the dick eating part, but like a homosexual vampire.
SPEAKER_05Like that's kind of gay vampires. Almost every vampire is gay. Sure.
SPEAKER_02So like let's make it what the let's make let's make the movie what the title says it is. This badass, you know, gay vampire.
SPEAKER_01He didn't even ride a motorcycle.
SPEAKER_02There was not. I don't even know if he had a tattoo. Okay. I doubt he had a tattoo. Make him badass. There was nothing badass about him. I'm into watching a gay vampire movie, but this was just dumb. It was dumb. Everything about it was dumb.
SPEAKER_05Have you seen the show? Does anybody watch What We Do in the Shadows? The TV show? Yes. You know how they have the vampire bureau cancel and they bring in some like cool vampires from other movies like Blade and Pee-Wee Herman, who is a vampire in the original Buffy vampire slayer movie, and other cool vampires from they would not even invite this vampire to the council on what we do in the shadows.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that was that's a great point. Maybe we leave Hoda. Is it Holda? Whatever the Hortar Hortar Hortar leave Hortar outside uh for a little bit. Well, we got these other guys in here.
SPEAKER_05He can vote via mail and ballot. Mail and ballot, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Stop the steal. Uh stop the steal.
SPEAKER_01All right. So I'm Hodar 2024. I think I have to give my annoying character. So I went with Holda just because like I think she was supposed to be set up as like this accidental hero that stumbled into this role, but she just there was no strength in her. I just thought it it was a missed idea. So I I have her as annoying. And then uh let's move on to favorite kill slash scare. What do you think?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, just that. I just have her as annoying. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's it. So I'm gonna I'll kick it off with uh favorite kill uh scare. So my favorite kill was in the when Horthar was being attacked by the two guys in the alleyway and Holda and they first met up. And when the uh guy was going to attack Holda and he grabs his head and just pulls it apart, splits it, yeah. Like that was the part I was like, this uh practical effects are very low grade, but this is fun and ridiculous looking. So I enjoyed that. That was my favorite kill. So do you guys have any? Speak up when you're ready. I'm just gonna sit back and drink my water.
SPEAKER_02I had such a hard time with this movie. I gotta be honest with you. I can't think of anything.
SPEAKER_01I don't think you told us that yet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I I I'm sorry. All right, Shelly.
SPEAKER_05I just put the mom because, like I mentioned earlier, well, I mean, the brother was funny when he ate anyone, he was just like sloppy about it as the new vampire. Like, even when he first killed the guy, like the guy outside, he was sitting there like, didn't even have his mouth on him and the blood spurting out, and he's going, huh? Like trying to catch the blood. And I thought that was like a water fountain, yeah. Okay. But then when he got a fork and a knife out and was like eating on the mom's intestines, and she was like sitting there, it was funny. But then when the the daughter, Hoda, comes shows up and takes like the mom in her arms, the mom proceeds to take her intestines and like flop them back on, like she's gonna put them back in, like she's not already dead.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Next up, final cut. And this I reveal the shocking ending of the film, and we discuss and give her ratings of one to five stabs. One stab, atrocious, no redeeming value, waste of time. Two stabs, bad, forgettable, poorly done, three stabs, mixed feelings, mediocre, o te ote.
SPEAKER_05Otey.
SPEAKER_01Otay. I'm saying it that way from now on. Ote.
SPEAKER_05I gotta dada. I got a dada.
SPEAKER_01I gotta dada. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Four stabs, good, interesting, enjoyable, and then five stabs, masterpiece, excellent, perfect.
SPEAKER_05I was about to say you can stop it. Yeah, you can just explain all of them.
SPEAKER_02You probably could have stopped at two.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_05And just for anyone who really ever wants to watch this.
SPEAKER_01It is available.
SPEAKER_05We're clearly selling it. Fast forward so you don't know the shocking ending that we're about to reveal. And I would say on this one, maybe like one or two minutes. It's not gonna take long. Okay, anyways. Oh, you do have a long time. I do.
SPEAKER_01Oh. I do. I go, I go into the third act and I type it out. And this one, I could not copy and paste from anywhere because there's nothing about this fucking movie anywhere.
SPEAKER_05Oh, so these are straight from a from the babe's mouth.
SPEAKER_01Straight from straight from You got a fucking book over there. I get through it in like two minutes. Okay. Don't you? We're ready to see how you uh don't fret, children. So, Hortar, trying to be a good vampire friend, brings Holda's brother back from the dead. Problem is, he's a fucking vampire now. So Hortar tries to show him the way by bringing him the sexy gas pumping man for him to feast upon. Yum E. While this is going on, Holdar and Hortar decide to have a heart-to-heart about their comparable loneliness. Holdar's brother, triggered by the mentioning of his mother, storms off in search of her. Meanwhile, Officer Guy is visiting Holda's mother and trying to persuade her to join him and his wife's congregation to save her from her daughter and the Prince of Darkness. She rejects his proposal and tells him to leave. Her son soon shows up on her doorstep, and Officer Guy, forgetting his nicotine gum in her house, comes back to find the son really chowing down in her guts with a fork and knife. Vampire's son attacks the officer's guy and bites his arm, but soon is defeated with a sweet cross to the head, which causes him to burst in flames and explode. Holda and Hortar enter the house just as the mother dies, but not before asking her daughter, What have you done, you stupid girl? The officer guy with his injured arm returns to his cultist wife and daughter, and his wife is distraught at his at his injury and that he is dying, but his daughter sees this as an opportunity to fight darkness with darkness, and explains to her mother that this is the only way. His wife finds a parking ticket clutched in the officer's hand and vows to find those responsible shortly before he turns into a vampire himself. Holda and Hortar back at his car, get into a fight, and the two odd couple friends part ways in a weird musical montage. I'm sorry. Vampire officer guy and his daughter with the evil tracksuit crew show up and abduct Holda and take her to the TV studio where the wife broadcasts her crazy sermons to perform an on-air sacrifice. Hortar, who is currently drowning his sorrows at a gay bar, sees a broadcast on TV and rushes to help his friend, but not before getting in one last dick rip. Back at the public access sacrifice show, the wife shows resistance and that she feels this is wrong, which causes the newly possessed daughter to reward her with a power drill to the eye. Without a moment to spare, Hortar enters the studio and takes out all the shitty tracksuit cultists by decapitating, face ripping, heart gouging, and beating them with her own limbs. With only the turned officer vampire left, he gives him the swift belly slice and disembowels him by way of long, dirty vampire fingernails. The evil possessed daughter now attacks Hortar and stabs him repeatedly with a makeshift crossed. Holda, who is now free of her restraints, grabs a knife and slits the evil daughter's throat. Holda holds Hortar in her arms, sobbing as he dies. They cut to the police station in the morning, and the policewoman tells Horda they will let her know of any developments in the case and that she can always come to us. Shaking her hand, it is revealed she bears the same tattoo as a crazy tracksuit cultist. The end. After some of the credits, we find Hortar sitting in his car and looking at the camera, laughing maniacally. What?
SPEAKER_05Which, if that's a prelude to like a s a sequel, I'm not here for it.
SPEAKER_01I'm not convinced.
SPEAKER_05Also, that whole ending scene where he kills everyone very slowly and awkwardly.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_05Like they stood there, like not even trying to attack him, and he'd be like, now I'm gonna pull out a heart. Yeah. Now I'm ripping off a limb. And then she didn't even have those restraints started. And then suddenly she was like, Oh, look, my hands are free. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01She McGovered her way out of it.
SPEAKER_05Okay, those are my problems with it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I'm not even gonna fucking talk about it now. So, guys, let's go into our stabs.
SPEAKER_02I agree with Shelly though. Okay, go ahead. I will say the murder scenes at the end were just utterly ridiculous. There was no fight.
SPEAKER_05The vampires or the film crew weren't like fighting. No, they were slowly walking up.
SPEAKER_02I think they were actually presenting themselves, like go ahead, do it, do what you're and we had another Mali call.
SPEAKER_01We've had a couple of those, that's true. Alright, you guys want to do the stabs? Please. Alright, Matt, let's just do it.
SPEAKER_02Well, guys, um one.
SPEAKER_01Tell me why. Explain. Because you haven't you haven't explained how you're gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_02I haven't really expressed what I really feel about this movie. I haven't had an opportunity. No, it's terrible. One stab garbage. Yeah, Shelly.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's a one. It this makes me more and more interested on how these matchups are gonna present themselves at the end of the year on the bracket. Because we'll have like a movie like last week, Sinister. That was so good. Yeah. I five starred that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you did.
SPEAKER_05And then we have a movie this week, which I'm gonna give a one. I'd give it less than a one if I could.
SPEAKER_02Same. Yeah, um I was I was specifically instructed to give it at least something. Yeah. A zero is not an option.
SPEAKER_05I'm okay if I never see this movie.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. Uh I just like I agree.
SPEAKER_05Other ones. Yeah. So I'll be interested because gosh, what if two bad movies get pitted together?
SPEAKER_01I know. Just like we could, you know, you could end up with two great movies pitted against each other. So how how will how will it work out? How will we determine which one's getting closer and closer?
SPEAKER_05We're only weeks away from the bracket show.
SPEAKER_01So I mean, I think we only have four more movies together. Can I ask you a question?
SPEAKER_02How do you pit the movies up against each other? Like what do you think?
SPEAKER_05We're gonna have to random drawers.
SPEAKER_02Oh, like our mini battles? Yeah, mini battles, right? Right.
SPEAKER_05So we just randomly pick movies for mini. Is that it? Yeah, okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I was just I was just curious. I know how you did that. It's really cool. I don't know if you guys do it out there, but but Derek, you know, set up this awesome little thing where you can go in and vote on uh which movie you would choose and everything. So it's kind of cool. And it gives you the percent of you know what people had voted it at. So yeah, it's pretty neat.
SPEAKER_01When we get closer to the end, we'll figure out how we'll do that to involve you guys and yeah, I'm thinking and we might have to do like a where we build the bracket show. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05Take a day, take a episode, build the bracket, and then we'll have uh the showdown. Yeah, and that will give people a couple weeks to print out their brackets and fill it out.
SPEAKER_01Yep, exactly. Yeah, I know there's there's there's some websites and stuff that you can get like brackets and and yeah, we'll make we'll make a little bracket of horror.
SPEAKER_05Awesome.
SPEAKER_02So I gave it a one, Shelly gave it a one. He's oh what he did write a novel about it, so we'll see.
SPEAKER_05Uh I if it's any more than a one, uh Derek, I'm coming for you in your sleep. So tell Carrie, she'll she'll unlock the door for me.
SPEAKER_01So I had mixed feelings about this movie. Oh I see it, I see it as a fun flick and nothing to dive too deeply into, and there's a lot of missed things in it. But if I'm looking to hang out with some people and watch a bonkers movie that doesn't make any sense and just be like, what the fuck did we just watch? I would watch this movie. I give it two stabs.
SPEAKER_05I don't know. I feel like there's other options, especially if you're not really gonna watch it because you're hanging out with cool people.
SPEAKER_01But if you're like, oh, you gotta watch this fucking insane movie I watched. Like this is this is just an insane movie. I'd put on other movies. Yeah, yeah. There's other movies, but this is I would I would watch this again.
SPEAKER_02I would not you would watch this again.
SPEAKER_01I would watch it again. Like, oh, you gotta watch this fucking crazy stupid video.
SPEAKER_02I don't know who you are. I don't know who you are.
SPEAKER_01I like I fucking loved New York Ripper, and you guys shit on that. I have weird tastes. We're seeing, we're seeing a trend. Yeah. We're seeing a trend with you. I gave it a two. Uh clearly it's not gonna go far in the fucking bracket, but regardless, I I give it a two.
SPEAKER_05Not if it's majority rule, and that's why there's only three of us. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Boom. Next up is voices from beyond. And then Shelly goes for our social media and shares any ideas or thoughts you guys had. Shelly, did we have any?
SPEAKER_05Well, as always, you can find us on Instagram and Facebook under our name, little bracket of horrors. We had one.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_05So excited. Um Jeremy W.
SPEAKER_01Who the hell is that?
SPEAKER_05Uh wow. Really messed up how they made the vampire literally a penis hungry monster. Thought it was okay, just not really something I would want to watch again. So on that note, I'd give it one stab. A waste of time, not really scary at all, just morbid and disgusting. My favorite line was when she called him a cock muncher after he resurrected her brother. I like the scene where he was getting attacked by the two guys and she tries to help him out and stabs the one in his junk. Then the vampire guy ends up shoving the two guys' junks in the other two cops' mouths and runs off. I don't know why the wheel picked that, but okay. Hopefully it picks something a little better next time.
SPEAKER_01We're getting there. Agreed. We're getting there, Jeremy.
SPEAKER_05Agreed.
SPEAKER_01So congratulations, we got through it.
SPEAKER_02Uh yay.
SPEAKER_01Actually, wait, wait. Did you get any interesting facts?
SPEAKER_02No. No. I actually tried to look a little bit, but I couldn't I couldn't find anything. There was like one little dumb thing, but it wasn't worth talking about. Yeah. Yeah. I gotcha.
SPEAKER_01So the the only thing I could find, and I'm I'm not gonna try to pronounce his name, was the one co-writer guy. So when Iceland was in the 2018 World Cup, he was in promo videos for in Iceland for people to watch the team. And uh he also played Holda's brother. Um so that was all I fucking could find. And that was nowhere, that was just through watching YouTube videos and be like, oh, he looks like that guy, and oh, he's in this part of the movie, so that's him. So that's all I could fucking find. That's pretty neat, Derek. Yep. I mean I may cut that out. Who fucking knows? That's neat. Cool. Alright, so let's move on to Wheel of Death. And this Matt spins a wheel for our next movie that we'll be watching. But before we do that, we need to replace Thirst on the wheel, and then we will read off the current wheel. So, Shelly, get your hands in there and find us a proper movie to replace Thirst. Please do. So loud. Okay, get it, get it. It's in there.
SPEAKER_02And we are replacing Thirst with The Dead Pit. The Dead Pit. Dead Pit. Interesting.
SPEAKER_05Slasher Horror from 1989.
SPEAKER_02The Dead Pit. Cool. And then Matt. Alright. So on the uh Wheel of Death, we still have left The Cabin in the Woods, Itchy the Killer, High Tension, Knight of the Living Dead, City of the Dead, Wolf Cop, Goodnight Mom, Mommy. I'm sorry. Goodnight Mommy, yeah. Yeah. Tucker and Dale.
SPEAKER_04Nasferatu.
SPEAKER_02And the newly entered the Dead Pit. Alright. Alright. So now we are going to take this wheel and we are going to turn the volume up so you all can hear it, because I have the volume down.
SPEAKER_00Wheel of death. Wheel of death. Wheel of death. Wheel of death.
SPEAKER_02Alrighty. And the great and almighty wheel has chosen high tension.
SPEAKER_01Oh shit!
SPEAKER_05Yes!
SPEAKER_01Finally. Lisa C, this one's for you. Yes.
SPEAKER_02So I uh I'm I'm uh very interested in seeing this because I know you guys have been yelling for it. The wheel is just I've never seen it. I have no idea what it's got.
SPEAKER_01It's fine. I just know Lisa C wasn't it. So Lisa C is another American. It is another foreign film, so it's a French horror film, so you gotta deal with subtitles again.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna trust Lisa. I'm gonna trust Lisa because she's she's been wanting to watch this. So I won't show my cards, but uh yeah. Have you seen this before? No, I I have the DVD. I I Okay, I'm sorry. I won't ask questions.
SPEAKER_01She's back off, man. I told you, I told you I did because I said you could borrow it.
SPEAKER_02Do you know do you know how much I listened to you? Zero. There you go. Zero. Point zero. Zero.
SPEAKER_00Brothers. We are brothers.
SPEAKER_01Alright, guys. So next episode drops September 21st. And then make sure you stay with us and tune in to the end of the season where all these movies we watch will be thrown into a March Madness style tournament to determine which movies get cut and which film will be crowned champion of Little Bracket of Horrors. If you listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, please hit the follow button and give us a rating and review if you like what we do. You can find us on Facebook by searching Little Bracket of Horrors and on Instagram by typing at LittleBracket of Horrors. Thank you everyone for tuning in. I'm Derek. That's Shelly.
SPEAKER_05Oh, am I I thought it I thought Matt was going to go?
SPEAKER_02That was normal order, but I done bad at all.
SPEAKER_05I guess it was, but for some reason I thought Matt was.
SPEAKER_01And we will catch you on the other side.
SPEAKER_02And I'll do better next time, I promise. You get one strike, one demand strike.
SPEAKER_0550 points from Hufflepuff or whatever house you're in.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think I am a Hufflepuff.
SPEAKER_05You have a puff? I don't know. Nailed it.
SPEAKER_02I know it's I know it's a little bit more.
SPEAKER_05I was about to I was about to said Lord of the Rings.
SPEAKER_02Did I say Lord of the Rings?
SPEAKER_05Oh my god, I'm sorry. Where am I? Who are these people? I can't.
SPEAKER_02I I know it comes from Harry Potter. Yeah, you're right. I just don't I I forget the uh classes or or the styles of Hufflepuff and then Slytherin and Ridical. Yeah. So okay. I'm a Hufflepuff.
SPEAKER_05No wonder you're apologizing for not doing your work. Yes. Total Hufflepuff tendencies.
SPEAKER_02There you go.