The Families of Character Show
We serve parents who want more for their family. Our show offers research-based parenting solutions to the most common family problems, real-life parenting stories, and authentic support. The host, Jordan Langdon, is a wife, mother, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who validates what parents go through and offers practical actionable steps parents can implement today to transform their families in joy and unity. Guests are experts in their field of work and provide high-value material for parents and families.
The Families of Character Show
Ep. #158: Breaking Free from Digital Chains
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Technology and screens have infiltrated every corner of our lives, raising the crucial question of whether we're managing our tech or it's managing us. We explore practical strategies to help families develop healthy tech habits without losing their sanity.
• Dr. Leonard Sax identifies loss of parental authority around technology as a major factor in declining child well-being -- see Episode #100, #118, and #124 for more from Dr. Sax and check out his book, The Collapse of Parenting.
• Joey Odom, co-founder of Aro, advocates creating sacred spaces and times where phones are put away
• Five practical strategies for healthier tech habits
• Weekly family huddles provide natural opportunities to discuss tech habits and make adjustments
Visit our shop for the Tame the Tech digital bundle and printables including a Cell Phone Contract and helpful screen time checklists!
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Looking for things to combat boredom and bolster growth in your kids? Check out our Tame the Tech Bundle and the Best Me I Can Be Journal!
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Hey friends, welcome back to the Families of Character show. I'm your host, jordan Langdon, and today we're talking about something that every single parent I know is struggling with Screens, tech devices, whatever you wanna call them. They've worked their way into just about every single corner of our lives. But here's the big question Are we managing our tech or is it managing us? Listen, if you've ever found yourself wondering how much screen time is too much, how to set boundaries without a daily battle, or how to model better habits in your own home, this episode is for you. So grab your cup of coffee or put on your walk and shoes and let's just dig into how you can build healthy tech habits at home without losing your mind. That's important. We all need this mind, right? Why does this matter? Well, let's start with the big why. Why is tech such a big deal in family life right now? Well, the average teen spends upwards of seven to nine hours every day on screens. And get this every day on screens. And get this parents of teens. Yeah, we're logging close to the same amount. A study by Common Sense Media found that parents average nine hours of screen time daily, and only about one and a half hours of that is for work. The rest is social media texting, gaming, streaming, you name it. So this isn't just about kids being glued to their devices. It's about all of us. And here's the kicker Our kids learn how to use tech by watching us. I know, friends, this is bad news, right, for most of us. There's a 10% of the population that's probably doing a really, really great job at this, but most of us are struggling. So let's just talk about the real dangers of overuse. So, according to research cited by the Institute for Family Studies, teens who spend more than five hours per day on social media are 60% more likely to have suicidal thoughts or engage in self-harm, 2.8 times more likely to struggle with negative body image and 30% more likely to feel sad or depressed. That is not a small impact. These stats are not meant to scare you. They're here to wake us up.
Speaker 1:Dr Leonard Sachs, the author of the Collapse of Parenting and several other great books, has spent years studying the decline in child well-being, and we've had him on our show three different times and they've been our most popular episodes. So if you want to listen to those, those are episodes 100, 118, and 124. And they're linked below in our show notes. But Dr Leonard Sachs argues that one of the biggest culprits is the loss of parental authority around technology. So he recommends delaying smartphones, taking tech out of bedrooms and reestablishing clear, confident leadership in the home.
Speaker 1:Now let's just check out another guy that talks about technology, joey Odom, a co-founder of Aro, which is a company that helps families take back their time from technology. He has an incredible story. He realized he was missing precious moments with his kids because his phone was always in his hand or his pocket. Does this sound familiar? This thing is like a Velcro to us at all times, right? Well, that wake up call led Joey to create Aro, which is a system that tracks phone free time and helps families stay more present. And one of Joey's core principles is to create sacred spaces and sacred times where phones are out of sight. So think dinner table, bedtime routines, family outings. When the phone disappears, connection reappears. So let's get super practical. I'm going to give you five practical strategies to help your family develop some healthy tech habits. Okay, if you're ready to make some changes at home. These, these strategies are are five solid strategies that are inspired by Dr Leonard Sachs and Joey Odom and research-backed advice, okay. So, number one this is a hard one to hear, but it's true.
Speaker 1:Model what you want to see, right. Why does this matter? Well, kids don't learn healthy screen habits because we tell them. They learn by watching what we do. Modeling is the most powerful form of teaching, especially when it comes to behavior. So if we want them to be present, respectable and less attached to their devices, it starts with us.
Speaker 1:What do most parents think? Most parents think I have to have my phone though I'm on call for work or you know what? I'm just checking one thing. Well, sure, it might be important, but when our kids see us constantly checking our phones, even during meals or family time, it normalizes disconnection. So try this instead Make small swaps right. Put your phone in a basket when you walk in the door. Tell your kids I'm working on not being glued to this device. Help me be accountable. It shows humility, it builds trust and it gives them permission to own their habits too. Do you see how this creates great family unity to all be working on one goal together. Plus, it gives your kids an empowering role. They become part of the solution, to know they are your accountability buddy. So model what you want to see Number two create tech-free zones and times.
Speaker 1:This is huge in the home setting. Okay, why does this matter? Well, the brain needs quiet. This matter. Well, the brain needs quiet. Our relationships need presence and our kids need clear boundaries around when and where tech is okay, it's permitted. And when you eliminate screens in certain areas or times, what you're doing is you're creating space for real connection and get this rest. A disconnection from screens can create a space for rest which we are all starving for.
Speaker 1:Most parents think listen, the kids need their tablet to fall asleep or they're just going to sneak it anyway. It's understandable to think that way, but tech has become a real default solution for quiet time or bedtime routines. But the truth is, long-term effects of late night screen use produce disrupted sleep, exposure to harmful content, right and isolation. Those far outweigh the short-term convenience. So let's not go for the hack or the easy button and just throw them in front of the screen. Let's go for what matters and makes a long-term difference.
Speaker 1:So try this instead. Make it a family standard, a family rule, that you dock all devices in your bedroom at night not theirs, but you, the parent's bedroom. We've been doing this in our home for the past four years and it is a game changer. Okay, having any portable devices tablets, laptops, phones, anything that could easily be taken from room to room docked in our rooms really helps kids avoid the temptation to sneak them to access inappropriate content or to just break any of the general rules right, or to just break any of the general rules right. We're called as parents to avoid leading our kids into temptation. So docking all devices in your bedroom at night will solve so many issues for you and then also make dinnertime and bedrooms sacred spaces. When kids know it's not just about them, but that everyone is following the rules you too they're more likely to buy in and plus, it removes the temptation to check one more thing before bed, for both you and them. So those sacred spaces and places are just so important to just set as a rule in your family.
Speaker 1:Number three practical tip write it down right If you're going to make new rules in your family. Verbal agreements are super easy to forget for you, the parent, and for your child. So a written agreement builds clarity, accountability and a shared vision and, when expectations are visible and agreed upon, it removes any confusion and those pesky little power struggles we all deal with right, and I know you might be thinking like a contract. That feels like way too intense. Actually, kids love structure. They thrive when they know the rules, and a tech contract helps them understand the why behind their choices and your choices and they feel more ownership over their habits.
Speaker 1:So try this instead. Make it a conversation with your kids, not a lecture. Don't start this conversation when you're so upset about the fact that they've just binged four YouTube episodes in a row. Right, sit down, have a conversation, talk about your family values, why you're choosing to limit tech and what you want more of. You want more creativity, you want more rest, you want more connection. Kids are capable of understanding why we set a rule and what we're going for instead. So be sure you're letting them know why you're choosing to limit tech, that you're really actually wanting more connection, creativity and rest as a family. And guess what, if you don't have a contract or are going like what would I put in there?
Speaker 1:Use our Tame, the Tech printable. It's a done-for-you contract for cell phones and then it also in that printable packet we have screen time checklists that help kids manage their responsibilities before they earn tech time, and this teaches self-regulation and responsibility, which are two traits every parent wants their kid to have. So check out our shop and search for the Tame the Tech printable. It's all done for you right there. Here's tip number four prioritize work before play. Well, why does this matter? Listen, this principle do what you need to do before you do what you want to do teaches life skills like delayed gratification, time management and self-discipline or self-mastery. And if you'll listen to that episode 100 with Dr Leonard Sachs, he talks about the number one trait that helps kids to be happy, healthy and successful in life, and that is the skill of self-control, self-discipline, self-mastery, being able to delay gratification, right. So if you teach kids to do what they need to do before they do what they want to do, it keeps tech from becoming this default activity, because now they're properly ordered in doing what needs to be done before they do what they want to do.
Speaker 1:And I know when you're busy, you're worn out at night, guys, I get it. You're thinking you know what my kids are just relaxing after a long day. It's fair point. But if the relaxing comes before homework, chores, personal care it turns into procrastination, right? Let's admit that, let's acknowledge that, before you know it, it's like bedtime and nothing else got done but binging the screens. So I want you to try this.
Speaker 1:Instead, use one simple phrase Needs before wants. That can be your little family phrase. Hey guys, needs before wants. Print that baby out, post it, have your kids make signs and put it around the house as reminders. Right? Help your kids start their day with purpose. Kids start their day with purpose, instead of waking up on a Saturday morning and, you know, shuffling to your bedroom to grab their tablet and then just going into screen zombie mode, you know, on multiple episodes of their favorite show. How about starting their day by making their bed, eating breakfast, getting dressed for the day, getting out of those pajamas right, brushing their teeth, taking care of the pet right. Then comes tech. It sets again this rhythm that prioritizes real life responsibilities and builds confidence as they get things done on their own. So be sure you are really prioritizing that work becomes first priority over play right.
Speaker 1:Needs before wants, and then, number five, you got to provide offline alternatives. Why does this matter? Well, just simply telling kids to get off screens without offering something else leads to boredom, frustration and rebellion. Right? Dr Sachs wants to remind us that if we want kids off tech, we have to show them what to do instead. That means cultivating your kids' interests and hobbies that feed their brain, their body and their soul. I know you might be going like Jordan they're not interested in anything else. Well, that's usually a sign that screens have really hijacked their dopamine system. Give them time, space and tools and their curiosity will start to come back.
Speaker 1:So I want you to try this. Instead, invest in real world interests, right, interests, right. Those offline activities puzzles, art kits, Legos, musical instruments, engineering boxes we love Mark Rober and those boxes that show up on your doorstep once a month that take two or three days to build for kids, right? Really activates that engineering part of their mind. What about a camera? A camera, they can go outside and take pictures of nature. Try unplugged challenges like board game, night, baking, building something together.
Speaker 1:You might need to initiate or model these things first, but once your child gets a taste of creative freedom, their motivation builds. So, remember. And screens, they're easy. Right, it's the go-to easy button, but what's easy rarely leads to growth and proper childhood development. So I'm not telling you this is going to be easy and you got to expect pushback, right? Here's the honest truth. Your kids won't love this at first. They just won't right? There's going to be whining, there's going to be meltdowns, but you're not doing this to punish them. That's a really important message, right? You're doing it to protect and prepare them for the future.
Speaker 1:Remember, you're raising adults. You're raising adults who need to be able to function, be good spouses when they get married and to be able to be productive members of society who are able to give of themselves in service to others, to really know how to love and give of themselves. If they are zombied out with screens and addicted to these different games and shows, it's very hard for them to have that balance that they need as adults. When your kids push back, that's your chance to explain the why behind your rules. Just tell them listen, we love you too much to let screens take over your creativity, your motivation and your relationships. That's why we're making an adjustment in our home. We value connection and creativity and we want to offer you a better way. So all of us are going to really work to develop healthier tech habits and to give ourselves some freedom and disconnection from screens.
Speaker 1:And here's a final tip like adapt as you go, right, rules aren't just set in stone. As you get new information and you see how the family is adjusting, you're going to have to tweak the rules right, but do this as a united front. If you're married, most definitely your partner needs to be on board with this. So if you're hearing this and thinking, man, I think we could really benefit from some of these practical tips. Send this episode to your spouse right now. Just pause the episode, hit on that little send button up in the right hand corner and text it to your spouse Okay, and then make a point of circling back to talk about this episode once they've listened to it. So be willing to tweak things as you need to, but don't be afraid to say no to screens. This is really, really important. You have full permission to do things different than the way parents in the majority of our culture are doing things, and it's really going to benefit your family. I would not jump on the mic and give you this advice if it wasn't advice I had already taken myself and implemented in my home.
Speaker 1:Josh and I are huge fans of regulating screen time and not allowing our kids to just have a computer in their pocket or in their bedrooms. This is so, so important. So if you have further questions, please feel free to reach out to me and ask me your personal questions about screen time issues. You can always email at hello at families of charactercom. Another really cool thing you can do, guys, is just having a weekly family huddle where you check in. Right? We've been huddling up for, you know, six years had over 300 family huddles.
Speaker 1:Each Sunday we huddle up and we talk about our calendar and what's coming next. So our kids are prepared and know and we're not the only ones that keep the calendar information. Then we talk about things like this right, how are we doing with limiting screen time? What activities have we engaged in that we love that. We want to do more of Board games puzzles. Love that. We want to do more of Board games puzzles. Right, flying the RC airplane, like? Let's do that more often.
Speaker 1:So if you huddle up once a week and you make a habit of having a family huddle, that's a great place to talk about this issue. It's a natural meeting point where your kids can look forward to a conversation about something. So just know that in all of this tech stuff and healthy habits, your kids they're probably going to try to find some loopholes, right, and if they do listen, it's not a failure. It's an opportunity for you to kind of outsmart your kids together as a team, right. And hey, they're developing critical thinking skills right, so don't get so mad at them if they find a loophole. Your kids are developing skills to find out how to get what they want when they want it. Our job as parents is just to regulate that for the good Guys. None of us are going to get this perfect. I want to say that right now it's not about getting this tech thing perfect, but we can and want to be intentional, right. We can lead by example and we can really be build a home environment where people matter more than pixels.
Speaker 1:So if you want more information about tech and healthy tech habits and the effects on kids and adults, please visit our number one most downloaded episode of all times, episode number 100 with Dr Leonard Sachs. All times Episode number 100 with Dr Leonard Sachs. He offers even more research behind why these healthy tech habits make all the difference. And check out the show notes for links to our Tame the Tech digital bundle that's on sale and our Tame the Tech printable, which includes that cell phone contract and other helpful screen time checklists for your kids. You can find that in our shop at familiesofcharactercom.
Speaker 1:You got this friend. We are here to help you every step of the way. When I say I'm always in your corner, check out my email signature. I mean that I am always in your corner. I'm here to help you any way that I can. So stay strong, commit to some healthier tech habits in your home and do it with confidence and courage, knowing this is the best gift you can give your kids. Until next time, stay strong, stay united and keep raising those kids of character. I'll catch you on another episode of our show real soon. Don't forget to check us out on YouTube and subscribe there as well. Take care.
