Ep. #162: Back-to-School Doesn’t Have to Break You: Let Routines Set You Free!

Routines aren't restrictive shackles but freedom frameworks that help children thrive during the back-to-school transition and beyond. Science confirms that consistent routines improve children's sleep quality, school performance, emotional regulation, and ultimately prepare them for independent adulthood.

• Research shows kids with consistent bedtime routines sleep better and perform better academically
• Routines reduce decision fatigue, giving both parents and kids more mental energy for important matters
• Flexibility within structure creates safety and stability for children
• Make routines visual with charts or checklists that give kids independence
• Practice new routines before school starts with a three-day reset challenge

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Back-to-School Challenges
• 3:09 Routines as Freedom Frameworks
• 7:49 Busting Myths About Family Routines
• 11:19 Building Effective Family Routines
• 16:51 The Three-Day Reset Challenge
• 20:41 Creating Your Family's Launch Pad

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

Hey friends, welcome to another episode of the Families of Characters show. I'm your host, jordan Langdon, and today we're tackling a hot topic that creeps up on us every year, like that mystery stain on your kid's brand new white school shirt. That's right back to school Now. Before you hit end on your podcast player, just hang with me. Okay, if you're honest and you've had popsicles for breakfast every morning this summer and bedtime has become more of a suggestion than a requirement, I'm here to tell you you are not alone. Okay, I too have looked at the clock and thought oh look, it's 1147 PM. I guess they're nocturnal now. But here's the deal. Just because summer may have gotten a little loose doesn't mean back to school has to be chaotic. In fact, today I'm going to talk to you about how routines yes, routines can actually set you free, and please remember that everything I'm recommending to you I have implemented myself.

Speaker 1: 1:53

This is what this podcast is all about is me vulnerably sharing about Team Langdon and then doing the work and the heavy lifting for you, so that you don't have to think about how could we do this, how could we get into a routine as well? I've been there. I've done that. I'm here to offer you some solutions. So I know when you hear the word routine, you might be thinking like Jordan. Routines sound like a trap. I want myself and my kids to be spontaneous and creative Totally okay. But what if I told you that routines are actually the foundation that allows creativity and freedom to flourish? Ok, hear me out. Routines are not shackles. They are actually freedom frameworks. Ok, I'm going to throw a few research nuggets your way. Okay, kids with consistent bedtime routines sleep better and perform better in school. That's straight from the sleep foundation.

Speaker 1: 3:06

We also had Dr Leonard Sachs on our show a few times here in the past and he corroborates this research. He says parents children are often diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety disorders, maybe even oppositional defiant disorder, simply because they're not getting proper sleep. So there's lots of research and evidence that shows that kids with consistent bedtime routines sleep better and perform better in school. And the American Academy of Pediatrics found also that regular routines help with emotional regulation and lowers the stress of both parents and kids. Now, being able to regulate your emotions means that instead of going from perfectly fine right to I'm so upset I'm throwing a massive tantrum that zero to 100, you know, launching off like a rocket in two seconds. Emotional regulation gives you the ability to recognize when you start cranking up to the five, the 10 mark, the 15 mark, and to be able to regulate, to turn that dial back down and say what do I need to do to call my body and get my mind back online so that I'm in emotional control. So sleep is imperative for your kids to be able to have emotional regulation.

Speaker 1: 4:46

And then the National Education Association says that a solid morning routine reduces family conflict. Hey, we want to reduce family conflict, right, and it boosts school readiness Again. Another thing that we desire is for our kids to be ready for their day. So we're not just making this up, y'all. Science backs it right. Your sanity actually begs for it, and your kids will thank you later. Well, you know what I mean. Maybe not today, but someday, probably. I know for us, our oldest son has recently flown the nest and he's living on his own and he's going to flight school and he has a job working in an emergency room and he thanks us for helping him establish a daily routine. This kid is meal prepping on Sundays, eating lunch that he prepared for the whole week. When other people are going out to dinner. He's staying up on, you know, a good sleep, hygiene, right, routine, and it's awesome, you know. And we want to do our best with our kids in setting them up to succeed when they leave our home. Because the truth is, we're not raising kids home. Because the truth is, we're not raising kids, we are raising adults, adults who need to be prepared to live on their own and be healthy out there in the world. So routines set us free.

Speaker 1: 6:25

All right, let's talk some real talk here. Okay, summer has just come and gone and let me just tell you how some of our mornings looked. Okay, I've had mornings where I've gotten up and the kids are in the cage with the chinchilla playing, there's cold pizza on the counter from last night and they've decided they're going to munch on it today. But then they get distracted and decide they want to go play with the rodent instead and their shoes laying out. They've got their Christmas pajamas on in July, like, okay, it's crazy. Right, it's nuts. It's been wild around our house this summer, but here's the kicker. I'm not even mad about it. Okay, summer is meant to be just a little more loose and a little bit more messy, and what we want is to make the transition to school smoother, not more stressful. So let's just bust some myths right now, okay.

Speaker 1: 7:30

Myth number one is that routines are boring. Okay, how many times do your kids say routines are boring? Can't we do something fun out of the box? Well, the truth is, routines reduce decision fatigue. And just imagine that, right, when you wake up in the morning, you're not ready to make 10 decisions right off the bat. I'm sure, not, definitely not before I've had my coffee. Well, routines reduce that decision fatigue. The fewer choices your brain has to make before 8 am, the more energy you actually have to enjoy your day. So that is a fact. When we set ourselves up the night before to know exactly what we're going to do when we wake up, what time we're going to get up, what we're going to do first and next, and third, it reduces that fatigue, that mental weight that is there in the mornings and we're just allowed to get up and do what we planned to do the next day. So routines reduce decision fatigue. This is huge. We need all the energy we can get, right, folks, okay.

Speaker 1: 8:45

Myth number two strict schedules cause stress. Here's the truth of that. Yes, here's the truth of that. Flexibility inside of structure creates safety. I think that's worth repeating because we want our kids to feel safe, connected, part of the family, have a low baseline of anxiety around our house and to be feeling like they are part of a team and that they have some predictability around the house, right? Well, flexibility inside of a structured daily routine is what creates safety. So routines don't have to be military style. You can build in margin and you can adapt your routines right, but the predictability, again, is what gives kids the stability that they crave.

Speaker 1: 9:41

Myth number three my kids hate routines. Okay, here's the truth. Kids say they hate routines, but they actually thrive in them. Okay, they act out less, they sleep better, they even make better food choices. Check that out. Plus, when they know what's expected, they argue less. That means more peace back in your day, okay. So if your kids are whining about routines, you have to be the parent that stands strong in the face of knowing what's best for them. Right, it's okay if they say they hate them. What we know is that they thrive when they have a routine, and oftentimes I'll challenge you to set some routines for your kids or with your kids and then see how they function when they're in these routines daily and even notice if they say, well, this is so much better now that I know what I'm supposed to do before I go to school every morning. I like this. Don't be surprised if your kids say that this is what we're hearing about all the time when parents and families implement a structured morning routine.

Speaker 1: 11:02

So let's get practical. I want to give you a simple formula for building a routine that actually works. Okay, a really simple way to get started at this is just to anchor your day. Okay, so what you're going to do is you're going to pick two anchors, like wake up time, and, let's say, an anchor at the end of the day, like dinner time. Okay, just pick two anchors and then schedule around those. So look at your calendar and decide what time is our family going to wake up every morning and then mark that on your calendar. Wake up and then look at the calendar and decide what time you want to have dinner a reasonable time to have family dinner every night and that might be different on the weekends than it is Monday through Friday, but put that on your calendar. I always think it's best to use a paper calendar and handwrite these things in with pencil so that you can adjust them, you know, as you're adding things in and structuring things around your two anchors, okay, and everything doesn't have to be nailed down perfectly, but those two anchors give your day a structure so you can decide okay, if we're waking up at 630 every day, then what would be a reasonable bedtime, you know, so that our kids are getting eight, nine, 10 hours of sleep, which is what their little bodies require to function optimally, okay. So just start with those first two anchors wake up time and dinner time and fill in your calendar from there.

Speaker 1: 12:44

And the second piece of advice is just to build in time buffers. Okay, my mom used to do this with us all the time. She used to actually set our clocks ahead of the true time by 10 minutes so that we would be sure that we were ready when we actually needed to go out the door. So if your kids need to be out the door at 730, at the door at 7.30, pretend it's 7.15. Seriously, that 15 minute cushion is a game changer, okay. And then make sure that you have a clock visible that your kids can read. That is on the main level of your house where you're going to, you know, leave in the morning and jump in the car, right, but create those time buffers for you and your kids.

Speaker 1: 13:35

And then the third piece of advice is just make routines visual. Okay, kids love charts. Right, draw it out. Use pictures for younger kids, make it colorful. Post it on the fridge. Kids absolutely love a visual representation of what is expected of them. Actually, in our shop we have already created a morning and after school routine. It's on one sheet, single sheet, and you can purchase it as a download. Print it off today, put it in one of those plastic sleeve protectors and use a dry erase marker for it. Okay, kids need a visual representation of what you want them to do every morning.

Speaker 1: 14:27

Actually, janet, one of the gals on our team here at Families of Character, she implemented this with her kids and one of the kids that they were having the most difficulty with, you know, dad was nagging her to come on, do what you need to do. Let's go, let's get out the door on time. This kid, once she was given this you know structured routine checklist, this colorful kids checklist, she started crushing her routine and was ready for school with time to spare and actually asking Janet and Reed how she could help the family. Guys, this has been tested and proven. Kids, when they know what they're expected to do and they themselves can independently look at the picture and understand what to do and then cross it off or read the prompt that says brush teeth, get dressed, tidy room, they succeed. Try it, I'm serious, you will be blown away at how much more independent your kids are and how it brings peace back into your days. You can check that out at familiesofcharactercom and hit the shop tab.

Speaker 1: 15:45

The fourth little tip is practice routines together. Okay, we cannot expect routines to stick immediately. Think about yourself and changing a new routine. Maybe you decide you want to exercise in the morning. It takes time for that to stick, right, that's why they call, you know, p90x 90 days of something whole, 30, eating whole foods for 30 days straight. Right, because it takes that long for us to habitualize something. So we can't expect it to be perfect at the beginning. But we can practice the morning routine and I suggest practicing this on a Saturday. Okay, make it fun, right, use a timer, race the clock, offer pancakes at the finish line, like, just make it fun. We're going to do a school practice on the Saturday before school starts, maybe even have their school clothes ready. They pick out what they're going to wear and boom, you got it. Here's another challenge for you. If you don't want to do the Saturday morning practice, I've got a better, awesome plan for you. That's called the reset plan. Okay, it's a three day practice challenge. So three days before school it could be the week before school starts you do a full practice run.

Speaker 1: 17:11

Okay, day one, you're going to practice the wake up time and the morning routine. Okay, there's no school that you're going to, but you just go through the motion. So you set the alarms, you wake people up at the same, at the regular time that they're supposed to wake up. Um, and then you know, show them their morning routine, what they're expected, and then have each one of them do it independently. Okay, that's day one, and then day two you're going to do the same thing. Okay, guys, we're going to get up at the same time. Or maybe you adjust the time because you go. Oh, it takes us way longer to eat breakfast than I budgeted for. So you roll back the clock a little bit further. You get up and you do the morning routine, but this time you add in lunches. Right, you pack lunch or, better yet, teach your kids how to pack their lunches, where the lunch boxes go when they're done using them and then put them in the fridge and eat them later that day. Have a little picnic that day and celebrate that you had day two of a successful morning routine, okay. And then day three is like the full dress rehearsal right. Wake up, do the routine, get in the car and drive around the block Like it's your first day. Get kids pumped up about this Okay. And then go get donuts right Because you earned it Okay.

Speaker 1: 18:37

Practicing this in steps builds confidence for your kids. It lowers your stress and theirs, and it helps everyone know what to expect. This, again, is huge. Imagine if, when you were growing up, you would have had this kind of on-ramp to your school year, with your parents guiding you through practicing your morning routine and then having reasonable expectations of you to be independent. This again is such a game changer for kids. You will be so glad that you invested the intentional time to prepare them for the school year that it will pay dividends throughout the year.

Speaker 1: 19:24

Okay, let me just leave you with this, because I know this school year is going to be a good one. Do not worry, right now you are not behind in anything, you're not failing. Okay, if you're trying, you are not failing. What you're doing right now is you're building a launch pad. I told you, our oldest is in flight school. I've mentioned that many times and so many of these analogies come to me because he's flying a plane and he's on the runway. But you're truly building a launch pad with your kids and routines. Routines are the runway to peace. Okay, you are the pilot, you set the tone, you write up the plans and you need to give yourself credit because you're doing better than you think you are Okay.

Speaker 1: 20:22

So, this back to school season, let's trade chaos for clarity and let's get ahead of the stress. And let's remember that freedom does not come from doing whatever we want when we want, right, we had a little taste of that in the summer and it gets chaotic, right? Freedom comes from knowing what matters truly, distilling down the critical few that matter the most and then building rhythms and routines around that. Listen, you and your family have got this okay. If this episode encouraged you, inspired you in any way, would you do us a favor and send it to another parent, send it to your spouse. Have a conversation with your spouse about trying this out right, doing a little practice, a little liftoff for back to school together.

Speaker 1: 21:20

Right here at Families of Character, we really are wanting to build a community of families whose parents are just so motivated to lead with love and to live with intention. Guys, we only have about 18 summers with these precious little kids and chances are, if you're listening to this, you're well into the halfway point. So we want to be sure that we're doing what matters. And again, we want to be sure that we're doing what matters and, again, setting our kids up for the success that we want them to have when they leave the home and are out there flying from the nest on their own. Thanks for tuning in to the Families of Character show. I'm going to catch you on another episode of our show real soon. I'm going to catch you on another episode of our show real soon. Stay tuned for more content about how to have a successful back to school season with your family. Take care and God bless.