The Families of Character Show
We serve parents who want more for their family. Our show offers research-based parenting solutions to the most common family problems, real-life parenting stories, and authentic support. The host, Jordan Langdon, is a wife, mother, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who validates what parents go through and offers practical actionable steps parents can implement today to transform their families in joy and unity. Guests are experts in their field of work and provide high-value material for parents and families.
The Families of Character Show
Ep. #173: How to Save for Retirement While Raising Kids with Josh Langdon
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Money stress usually feels like a numbers problem, but what we’re really missing is a shared picture of the future. We dig into the tug-of-war between kid expenses now and retirement later, and we show how a simple, faith‑grounded vision transforms everyday choices.
With Josh, a Certified Financial Planner (with many other certifications!), and our own marriage as the test lab, we get practical about defining your ideal day when you retire, naming the deeper why behind “big” desires like a vacation home or a classic car, and reframing them as tools for family unity, service, and dignity rather than just indulgence.
Josh and I discuss:
• casting a shared retirement vision rooted in values
• replacing guilt with a deeper why for desires
• small, consistent steps over perfect plans
• monthly or quarterly money check‑ins together
• common mistakes when trying to implement
• teamwork, repair, and forgiveness as financial skills
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Hey families of character, welcome back to the show. We're so glad that you're here for our third episode in our Money and Marriage series. If you haven't already, check out the two episodes before this for some real gold nuggets about what couples who have been married for decades say they wish they had known and the top five money struggles couples face. Now, listen, if you've ever felt torn between the needs of your kids right now, like school supplies, sports fruit fees, braces, family trips, and the future needs of you and your spouse in retirement, you are not alone. It's a real tension that so many families feel. On the one hand, you want to be generous and give your kids opportunities while they're growing up. And on the other hand, you know the years are going to fly by. And then someday you and your spouse will need that solid nest egg to support yourselves in the golden years. Balancing today's family expenses with tomorrow's retirement savings can feel super overwhelming, especially in a world where the cost of living just keeps going up. But as people of faith, we know that everything we have is a gift from God and that He calls us to be good stewards, not just of what we've been given today, but also of what we will need for tomorrow. So preparing wisely for the future, it's it's not about storing up treasures for ourselves. It's about being intentional so that we can live with dignity, we can serve others, and frankly, not become a burden to our children in the years ahead. So the good news is that with just a little faith and some practical strategies, you can save for retirement, even in the thick of raising kids. To help us unpack this important topic, I am excited to welcome back my favorite guest, my husband Josh Langdon. Welcome back to the show, babe.
SPEAKER_01:Well, thank you. It's good to be back for a third time, I think.
SPEAKER_00:Third time. Third time's a charm, guys. Stay tuned. Josh is a seasoned financial advisor with over 12 years of experience helping families plan for their future, including our own family. He holds the designations of CFP, Certified Financial Planner, AAMS, Accredited Asset Management Specialist, and the CRPC, Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor. Whew, that's a mouthful. So he knows his stuff when it comes to retirement planning. So, Josh, I know that you have worked with countless couples who feel really stretched between kind of meeting the needs of their families today and then saving for tomorrow. So, from your experience, why is this balancing act so challenging for families right now?
SPEAKER_01:Well, I think one of the first things we have to recognize is that there always seems to be a uh a larger demand on the number of dollars that you have than there has dollars coming in. And this happens uh all the way up the income spectrum. Um and it's just because there's so many opportunities out there uh to entertain yourselves or or try to you know use money in different ways. And so I think that's there that feeling of, oh, we don't have enough can be ever present, it seems. And then also I think uh balancing, that's uh you have to have something to balance against. So the right now we have bills due, or um, you know, we're paying off student loans or anything, you know, we have a lot of car auto debt, stuff like that. It just becomes the the instantaneous has to be addressed before we can really start looking into um what does retirement look like in 35 years, 20 years, yeah, even 10 years. So I think that's that demand on your money is a big one. And then also just it can be hard to juxtapose the two of now and and in the future.
SPEAKER_00:So true. That really struck me when you said there's so many opportunities these days to spend our money, right? There's traveling sports, which costs a fortune, right? Thousands of dollars going out of the bank account to travel to different states and put your kids in these fancy sports leagues. And there's concerts if you live in the big city, and there's all kinds of um takeout, you know, you can get um DoorDash, you know, double DoorDash. You can pay for Ubers, right? Like there's a lot of things that can uh we can spend our money on right now, and then be going like, well, we don't even have time or or money to left over to think about um 30 years from now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I and just the idea of, hey, what are we going to do in retirement? That sometimes I'll just ask people, you know, so you're 65, 67, whenever they tell me they want to retire. And I say, just kind of describe your day. And uh people can have just a blank stare and be like, well, I don't, I don't know. I don't know what my day looks like. And that's so far in the future, you know, well, what about health issues and all those other things? But a lot of times it's just because we're not putting ourselves in in a thought process of the future that far uh ahead of us. And, you know, it I don't think we need to get down to, you know, like, well, at 7.05, I'm gonna have a cup of coffee and and stuff like that. But I do think it's one of those things where as a couple, um, specific specifically talking to families here, it's as a couple, the husband and the wife, um, I think that it does take a little bit of time to step away from the now and have a conversation about what that looks like going into 20 years from now. What do you actually want?
SPEAKER_00:It's such an important thing for us to pods life, the crazy day-to-day, and cast a vision together and to afford ourselves the gift of just really sitting down, carving out an hour or two of time. I know that sounds crazy, but it's so worth it to just dream, to say, what do we want our lives to look like when we are um finished working in our golden years, when our kids are out of the house and off the payroll? Like, how would we like to live as a couple? And what might it take to get to that lifestyle? And so you make a great point that, like, if you don't take the time to dream and cast the vision, then there's very little movement that you're probably going to make to start saving towards that thing that you've never even uh clarified for yourselves.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah, there's no emotion behind I'm not sure. Right. So if someone were to say, hey, well, you know, what does retirement look like for you? And you say, I'm not sure, it doesn't make you want to peel some money off and save it. Um, if you have kind of a more defined idea of what your future looks like, uh, then it's like, oh, well, I really want that X, Y, and Z. Whatever it is for the listeners, whatever, you know, that thing that they kind of, yeah, I mean, if if I were in retirement and I thought about a little further, maybe I would, and then dot, dot, dot. You start putting those things uh, you know, on a piece of paper, or you start really contemplating them and making them into a part of your planning, then it's like, well, I mean, yeah, I I can forego that, you know, double door dash. I can forego that that Starbucks coffee always gets a bad rap, but it is expensive coffee. So um, yeah, you can forego that because now it's like I do see what's out there in the future.
SPEAKER_00:And I think when you're talking about this, uh I know this has happened to me in the in the past when we've done some sort of financial uh vision work, is there's a sense um of like guilt. Like, well, what if I do want to be able to take our adult children on a vacation every five years? Um, does that sound or does that seem you know indulgent or are we worthy of doing that? And how dare I even put it on paper? Um and so I think there are a lot of sort of uh limiting factors that can come into play when people are trying to cast a vision for their future, frankly, based on how they were raised and um the idea or the mindset they had coming out of the the family they were raised in. What are your thoughts on that?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, uh there the family background has a lot to do with how uh the money experience within a couple. It really does. And what I mean by that is um someone's raised in a way where money is not saved at all. They usually have that feel that I don't need to save or I don't want to save. And then there's their super savers where they're, I mean, they're all in on the saving. Um, but to spend some of it might be a little bit of a challenge for them. So it's and it's all across the board, usually in a family or usually in a couple. There's one that's a little bit more towards the saver and one more towards the the spender and stuff like that. My head was not nodding in any one direction. Uh um, but and though I I like the way you said limiting beliefs because I've asked people before, okay, what happens if you could do this now? Because sometimes I think when we cast in the future, we're also saying what we want a little bit about ourselves right now. And so uh retirement spending isn't that it doesn't necessarily or retirement planning doesn't necessarily have to be, I can only do this in retirement. You can start building the life that you want to live today. And by by just making small changes, you can start executing on that life to that you want to live. And maybe you start doing some of those things in retirement well before you hit the quote unquote retirement day. And if you're living the life that you want to live in or before retirement, and money is just a tool to get you there, then you have that opportunity to really enjoy more, uh enjoy your life more. I think it goes back to that intentionality you said at the beginning.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, just setting the time to cast the vision and then being open-minded and um really even praying about, you know, your vision for the future and asking God to enter into this vision for your retirement years, I think is so important because we do want to be good stewards of the gifts that God gives us. But even when you just said, you know, a lot of times when couples set retirement goals and they verbalize those, maybe even put them on a plan for their retirement plan up on the screen, like you do when we have our um quarterly financial meetings in your office, um, that they end up reaching those retirement goals even before they planned to, because they have a a mission and a vision that is shared between the two of them. They are making contact with that retirement plan on either a six-month or yearly basis, or maybe even quarterly or monthly. They're uh looking at the plans, uh, making adjustments or getting excited or going, wow, we're a little behind. We need to get some, you know, get some momentum in the way of getting back on track with our retirement plan. But um, setting that vision and then making contact with the vision sounds like it it helps people move forward.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and it's rare, is it, that it's uh one huge, massive decision that's like, okay, we're gonna do everything different starting today. It's usually just it starts with um a small idea. I want to live in the country on a on an acreage and me and my dogs and and my wife, you know, do something out there. Or, you know, I really do want to have a cool sports car and drive it around. And that's one of those things where it, okay, great. Now that we have something that we can work with, it really starts to become, all right, now let's where are we in relationship to that goal? And what's the the cool thing about money is every now and then uh people want to sport, they'll want something, right? And then uh as they get closer to the goal, it's not the something that they want, it's the feeling they get for that something, that sense of freedom, that sense of connectedness, that sense of um just I've accomplished something and it's really cool. So yeah, it never the big thing, always the small thing. And you just have to, you have to kind of keep keep tabs on where you're going because the plan might change. The plan could completely change for a lot of good reasons and uh maybe a couple bad reasons.
SPEAKER_00:So I hear you saying, like, don't wait for the perfect plan, or don't wait for the perfect time. Like, oh, we have to wait until we get this certain debt paid off to even have a conversation about this, or uh, we have to wait until uh our kids are out of the house and we can think straight for 30 minutes. You're saying, like, if you're listening right now, now is a good time to start casting a vision and and at least writing down some of your dreams in retirement.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, if you're listening right now, hit pause and write down the most important thing that you think that you want when you retire or over the next five years, two years, whatever it is. Um, and just write one thing down and then join back up with us, and you'll probably find some uh some advice or some guidance that'll probably help you or go back to previous episodes because it's yeah, it you have to start. That's the hard part. I think so many people, it's just I can't think about that. And that just take it, just take a minute and what do I really want? What do I really, really want?
SPEAKER_00:And I also want to just um echo this is something that I've just you know come to realize over the last few months, quite frankly, is that the desires that we have for our lives are beautiful desires that God wants to meet us in. And so it's not about us being selfish, it's not us about us being um self-indulgent. But if you really get down to the brass tacks of what you want for your life in the future, God is waiting for you in your passions because he has gifted you to do things with those passions that perhaps you didn't even imagine doing with them. For example, we have a friend who loves expensive sports cars and he's able to afford them. Well, it's one of his most awesome evangelization ministry tools, is to um use these beautiful cars to um have conversations with people who otherwise would not encounter him outside of that material thing. And so um, again, going back to setting a vision for your future, if you're thinking, oh, we can't think about cars or we can't think about having a second home or the the beach vacation every year or whatever. I want you to to reconsider the why behind your desire for that. What do you plan to do with those things? Should you save for them and be able to get those in the future?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, there's a stewardship aspect of this, obviously. Um, we're all given talents, we're all given gifts, and God has graced us with those. And so what do we do with those? Um money's just a tool. I think I said that once already. Money is just a tool, it is uh not the end all be all. It's not a measuring stick, it's a tool that we each get to use. And I'm a true believer of storing your your treasure in heaven, and you do that by uh, you know, by following God's will for you. And so they can be separated to an extent, but if there's something that's on your heart, like uh, you know, the cars or I mean, how for for me, one of the drivers for me in our retirement is how do we have something that kind of brings the kids and any potential grandkids um back together? Is there uh like a magnet to bring us closer together as a family? Now, um, that might look like a you know a vacation home or something. It might look like a a convertible that we, or two convertibles, depending on the size of the family, three, um, that we have to have to go driving, you know, in the mountains and and really enjoy each other. But those material things do manifest themselves into how do I grow in my relationship with you and how do I grow in my relationship with my kids, and how do I really become that part, um, that light, that light that people see and say, Oh, that's kind of cool that they're doing that. Maybe I can do that too.
SPEAKER_00:Guys, I have to make a confession. Josh has been in this financial world for years, and he is always 10 steps ahead of me because this is his lane, right? Um, and so for a long time I felt very guilty about the type of dreams that Josh had that he would share with me. He talked about having a house in the mountains or on the beach someday. And I kept telling myself, like, I am married to some prideful, materialistic jerk of a guy that all he can think about is saving for this thing on the beach or in the mountains that's an exorbitant amount of money. What is going on here? This isn't the man I married. I think the reason I thought that was because I didn't take the time to ask the deeper why questions. When you have that house in the mountains, or when we can afford that, you know, car or three convertibles or whatever, so everybody can drive around and make a little train going through the mountains or Rocky Mountains or whatever. What is it that you really desire in that? And then to understand years later, that Josh's biggest desire is for the unity of our family because we've worked so hard to get this team culture built in our family. And we just love the togetherness of our kids and each other, that you really want to see that continue in a healthy way when our kids are out on their own. They're married to their own spouses, if that's what they're called to, and they have their own children, that we have a place to offer them some respite away from the craziness of their lives at that time and also just some togetherness, like something to gather around. So once I realize that I could get on board with the vision. And it even, you know, helps on a on a regular weekly basis when we review our finances and kind of go through our spending for the week. That to have those, the end in mind helps me to say no to some of those things today that prior to having this vision, I might have just gone, you know what? We deserve this. We really need to go out to eat. Or, you know, some of the rationalizations that I would make before really. That's right. That's right. It is okay to do that, folks. You're listening, order the pizza every now and then. You get everything.
SPEAKER_01:Every now and then not every day.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Well, um, what are some of the the biggest, I guess, mistakes you would say that couples make um in terms of preparing for their financial future when they do have kids at home?
SPEAKER_01:Uh the biggest one is not starting. You don't have to have a, like you said earlier, you don't have to have a perfect plan. Uh, you don't have to have uh all the details worked out. You can start. There's a lot of different vehicles to start for saving and for retirement, or saving for anything, for that matter. If it's a if it's if it's a bigger expense, then um you can start saving for it. Uh so starting is number one. I think communication is number two. Uh it's just one of those things where having those conversations on a more consistent basis can allow for an understanding of small shifts in thought process or ideas. Maybe instead of that travel to Europe, uh, maybe that travel becomes something like, yeah, let's start traveling to see the grandkids because the kids move to different parts of the country. And so I think communication. So not starting, communication. And there is an overwhelm that happens when you start. And if you have big goals, uh, that first initial step in the right direction can feel a little bit insignificant. And that's where I think um, well, we can always do it later. This first step is such a small step that we can definitely do it next month or the next month or the next month. But without taking that first step, whatever it looks like, just saving a little bit or making a commitment to get the debt paid down sooner or whatever it is that is your your first step, then um, then all the rest of the steps after that get easier.
SPEAKER_00:As you're talking about that, I just think of all the things that we sort of put on the back burner as parents. I think getting in the in the day-to-day grind of raising kids, we can deprioritize our health, right? Going to the dentist, um, having regular health checkups and uh finances seems to be way down on the list. I mean, I know you've talked about in the past just, you know, people chronically canceling appointments. And so um, that is a sort of a sign that, well, something else is more important than this. Um, but when I think about it, I'm like, wow, yes, money is a tool. And we need it to survive in the future. We do want to be responsible and and not leave that burden to our children when we are no longer in condition to work and earn money.
SPEAKER_01:Right. 100%. Um, it is funny because the only profession that is more feared than financial advisors is the dentist. Oh, so that I think I'm not sure that was a that was a few years ago that that study was done. So it might be that we're still number two. Um, we're not trying to be number one in the most feared, but I think what that what that shows though is um that communication component. And money's hard. Money is hard to talk about. I mean, we haven't always Jordan and I haven't always been on the same page with money perfectly, and it can be tough. And so I think when we look at the those conversations that we need to have to do whatever it is we we want to do in retirement or any other time, that's kind of the that's the part that's probably the toughest is just having the conversation, coming in, you know, working with someone or coming in together on a plan and saying this is this is what we're gonna try to accomplish and this is what we're gonna do. And then what's going back to that balance? What do we have to give up? Because there's a cost to everything. There's a cost to everything.
SPEAKER_00:Guys, these conversations, while they are tough, are so worth it. And Josh and I wouldn't be on here talking about it if it wasn't because we have a uh about as much time as you do for this kind of stuff, you know, to record podcast episodes. But we feel passionate about this, that this is something if you are willing and courageous to have the conversation with your spouse about, it is going to pay off big time in the future. And that's pun intended there, folks. Yes, your investment today will pay off big time tomorrow if you just start the conversation. Um, I think, you know, one of the myths that is out there that I have encountered plenty of times because you're a financial advisor, and I will bring that up in conversation with people. And um they'll say, to be honest, I don't even think we can afford an appointment, like an initial appointment, because we have dentist bills and doctor's bills and like whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So tell people a little bit about the process of what it's like to find a financial advisor, what the process is in kind of onboarding with a financial advisor or just getting a simple consultation.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, I don't it's having a financial advisor is not required for everybody. Right. And so what I would say is that's the first part of that process would be to have a very candid conversation. I know I keep coming back to this, but it's the most important part. Have a candid conversation with each other. What is it that we need to do? And then um, and and what I mean by what is it that we need to do? What where are we weak? Not everybody is really good in different things. Like, I have no idea how to run a nuclear facility or you know, shoot a rocket into space or anything like that. So I would have to outsource that. So if you are happen to be someone that's really good with money and you have a good planning background for this type of stuff, then just have those conversations, start working towards it. If you find out that you're probably not in a strong position to do that, um, I think the the first thing that you have to do do as a couple is just say, we probably need to find someone to help us. Admit your need for help. Admit your need for help. And that can be, once again, that can be a very tough spot because especially as I know a lot of guys that'll say, Oh, I got this, I got this, you know. And so um to say, yeah, the the one one of the few things that we all do, which is interact with money and to say, I'm not good with it, that can be tough. So just a little self-reflection to really, yeah, this is what we need to do, and then just reach out to some people, reach out to some friends and say, Hey, who do you interact with uh when it comes to money? And you know, it's funny because um that conversation with friends, that's always a hard one too, because you're bringing up money, you know, and so but just say, Yeah, we're looking for some for someone to work with, and we need to find someone to truly trust and and that can help us along the journey and have conversations with whoever that you know you feel um has your best interest in mind, and then listen to what they say. Maybe they have a good person that they're working with, and then really just engage, start engaging a couple people to to have a conversation about your future.
SPEAKER_00:I love it. It's just one step at a time. You don't have to have it all figured out. You have to first acknowledge where you're weak. Second, admit you need help, right? And then tell someone, right? It may be your spouse first, it may be a friend. And then I love the advice of asking the most trusted people in your in your family or friend network who they use. Um, that's what we do with dentists, realtors, you know, all of those important people in our lives, not just pick someone off the the uh old internet, but to ask for referrals. I think that's great advice. And don't be afraid to call an office and and make an appointment and um ask them do you charge a fee for a consultation for a first visit? Or could we have a phone visit or a Zoom and uh see if we, you know, like this person and hit it off. So I think um your advice is really good to just take the next step. Do something in action is definitely not going to get you the outcome you want.
SPEAKER_01:No, and the one thing that's nice if you get to the point where you, okay, we need help, and then you've you've engaged some people is just start writing down questions. And I I think I speak for most financial advisors out there. Um, some people are like, oh, this is the dumbest question ever. And there's a lot of questions where no, it's not a dumb question. It may seem like a dumb question just because you don't know the answer, but that's why you're asking the question. So have just stack your questions up and maybe, you know, uh maybe that one question that you have and you ask uh a you know, a professional will be the the question that tips here his or her mind um to say, oh, this is the next question I need to ask. And that really helps to refine what you're going for. It might be the way to get to the end in mind.
SPEAKER_00:I love that. And one of the things that you said recently was just, you know, as a guy feeling like, you know, hey, I'm the provider of the family, or I'm I may feel responsible for managing the finances. That some guys would just say, and I'm sure some women would say, if they were responsible for the finances, uh, I've got this. I've got this. And if you don't have it, that's a real problem because what happens, just psychologically speaking, is you're saying something that's not true. So you're out of personal integrity with yourself and with your spouse. And that's sort of like the equivalent of a double life. I'm just being frank with you folks. I've been a therapist for 21 years, and I feel like the time is now that we get real about this stuff. So no need to be prideful with your spouse and say you've got it if you don't. That wrecks marriages. It just really does. Um, there's a term, a coin, uh, a phrase that I coined years ago. I should have written a book about it, called financial infidelity. And it's a real thing. And so to avoid financial infidelity, keeping secrets, having a secret account on the side, or um, you know, convincing your spouse that everything is taken care of. And yes, you're saving for retirement. No, you're not. Yes, you are paying the mortgage. Oops, I missed a couple. And that's not being done. This is what breaks down marriages. So better to just come with your tail between your legs, humble yourself before your spouse and say, listen, I know you've entrusted me with our finances. And the truth is, I'm lost. I haven't done a real good job. I've gotten us into trouble, but I'm ready to clear the slate and talk about this. And I need your help. I can't do this alone.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. When it comes to um uh misunderstanding, let's call it a misunderstanding amongst two people in a relationship and finance. My experience is if both come to the table ready to make change, it's it's quite amazing how quickly things can get resolved. It truly is. Um, and so that I know this is like the fourth time I've said it, but having that communication of, yeah, I didn't do things the way I wanted to, does allow you to then clear the air and move forward. And uh the you know, compound interest is uh it's amazing what can what can happen if you if you just take advantage of it.
SPEAKER_00:Teamwork makes the dream work, is what what Mr. Langdon is saying here. When you both get on board, it is amazing how you can conquer debt together, how you can make progress in your savings for retirement, how you can get to those retirement dreams because you're doing it as a united team. So we know we're going to emphasize a million times like intentional conversations, having a safe place for your spouse to land during these conversations, taking time outs if you need to, repairing things as they come up, saying, I'm really sorry, you know, and forgiving, lots of forgiveness, if that's in a place where you are in these conversations about money and marriage, is just being willing to forgive and to start from scratch and and make this dream a reality for you.
SPEAKER_01:As a licensed person, I got to be very careful about giving advice to the broader audience. But I will say there is a uh an investment that I truly believe is a guarantee to help you in life, and that's investing in each other and investing in yourself. So if you take the time to really look at yourself and say, hey, what is it that I need to level up? Uh, and what is it that I need to be a better husband or a better wife or a better father or better mother? Um, that's an investment where that uh return on investment, that ROI, uh it's incalcul. Yeah, I think it's almost a guarantee. Invest in yourself, invest in your marriage, invest in being a good uh a good father or a good mother, and that will help you practice to invest in the markets and stuff like that. Because you're you're taking that and you're understanding, yeah, my time, investing my time, investing my talent, investing my treasure, they're all really the same thing. Where am I investing to become better? And sometimes it's for retirement, and sometimes it's just to uh make sure that we're we're forgiving each other for our our past wrongs and we're also moving forward in the right direction.
SPEAKER_00:Boom, folks. That wraps up this episode. I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks for being here, honey. You bet. Guys, I want you to share this episode with your spouse. This is a way for you to get the conversation started. It's just to say, hey, ran across this episode, would love for you to listen. Let's have a conversation about this uh tomorrow and really make a commitment to be intentional about talking about the future of your financial relationship and the future of your marriage beyond when those kids have flown from the nest. Folks, we're gonna have more amazing episodes for you in the future. So be sure to stay tuned. If you aren't subscribed already, hit the little plus button up in the corner of your podcast player and follow our show so you get notified when a new episode comes up. We will catch you on another episode of the Families of Character show real soon. Take care.
