The Families of Character Show
We serve parents who want more for their family. Our show offers research-based parenting solutions to the most common family problems, real-life parenting stories, and authentic support. The host, Jordan Langdon, is a wife, mother, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who validates what parents go through and offers practical actionable steps parents can implement today to transform their families in joy and unity. Guests are experts in their field of work and provide high-value material for parents and families.
The Families of Character Show
Ep. #179: Parenting with Purpose: Jimmy Graham's Guide to Raising Confident Kids of Character
Send us a Text Message and suggest a topic or guest!
What if the most powerful way to raise courageous kids is hidden in small, repeatable moments at home? Former Navy SEAL and father of four Jimmy Graham joins us to share the lived wisdom behind his new children’s book, How Do You Love a Fish?, a field-tested guide to forming character through short stories, scripture, and simple nightly rituals. We explore how parents can lead with clarity in a chaotic world by pairing modeled behavior with true words that bless and build.
Jimmy walks us through practical tools you can use tonight: the “High Five” confidence cue (posture, eye contact, handshake, strong voice, smile), a family liturgy of affirmation that becomes oxygen for the soul, and the powerful reframe that love means meeting needs, not projecting preferences. We talk about teaching kids to say “May I please” and “Thank you,” why manners are a form of respect and self-mastery, and how choosing silence over venting can be strength, not weakness. From “don’t be distracted,” accountability, to “say true words” & have integrity, this conversation turns faith into action without fluff.
We also take on the so‑called war on decency with a calm, constructive plan: turn devices off, read a short 3 pg chapter of this book with your child, ask three questions, set a small challenge, and close with a promise and a prayer. Jimmy also shares about the tender practice of telling your children, “You are my treasure,” so they carry that truth wherever they may be in life.
"How Do You Love a Fish" is a rich, honest, and highly practical blueprint for parents who want their kids to grow up safe enough to play and strong enough to stand.
If this conversation encourages you, share it with a parent who needs a boost, subscribe for more character‑first parenting, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. Then grab a copy of How Do You Love a Fish? and start one small practice tonight.
To access other episodes with Jimmy Graham, go to #72, #131 & #167.
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
Support the show
Give $20 to keep the mic on. We're a 501 c(3) non-profit and produce this show for parents around the globe.
Discover the secrets to building a connected + thriving family. All you'll need is a few minutes of your week—it's easy!
our website
What happens when a former Navy SEAL and father of four turns his training, his faith, and his family stories into a roadmap for raising kids of real character? Well, in a world that feels increasingly chaotic, Jimmy Graham believes parents are still the most powerful force for good in a child's life. And praise be to God, because I totally agree. And his new book, How Do You Love a Fish? It's it's not a book about theory or or parenting theory. It's really the lived wisdom of a dad who's watched God form his family through discipline, humility, gratitude, and really grit. So today, Jimmy shares the practical heart-shaping lessons every child needs and why now is the moment for parents to truly lead, stand up, and lead with courage and purpose. So welcome back to our show. I'm your host, Jordan Langdon, and today we have a wonderful return guest on our show, Mr. Jimmy Graham. So welcome back, Jimmy. How are you doing, friend?
SPEAKER_00:Thanks for having me back.
SPEAKER_02:So good to be with you again. I was just looking back through the the old episodes. And then we have you on the this will be the fourth time on the families of character show. You have episode number 72, guys, is called Lessons from a Navy SEAL. Uh episode number 131 was where Jimmy interviewed me on the Protector Culture podcast, his podcast. And then episode 167 is called Developing a Family Emergency Readiness Plan. So it's so good to be back and talking about uh the faith and the family and um protection and just building up kids of great character. So I wanted to ask you, Jimmy, you know, you've lived a life marked by service, uh danger, discipline, and also deep faith. But in this new children's book that you wrote, you say your greatest mission has been raising your own children. So good. What was the moment or maybe series of moments that convinced you that these particular lessons needed to be shared with other families in the in the form of this book?
SPEAKER_00:You know, I think the more people you meet and the more families you meet, and it's not necessarily a comparison, but you start noticing, hey, what is what is normal these days? So I guess you just kind of know the family that's in your home, and then you maybe think everybody's similar, and then you start looking. You know, so once you start looking, you're like, wait, it's it's not normal. So I was just telling you before we came on air, as I just left my kids' school, my daughter's a senior, and they had a little uh senior tailgate where they just they're they're hanging out. The parents brought in some food, I brought in some fire pits, it's a little bit of a cooler day today. They're hanging out, they crank some music, and they just start dancing, you know. Um, and it's it's it's beautiful and it's pure and it's it's just fantastic. If they're at a volleyball game, that song Fishing in the Dark will come on, they'll have 50 kids line up and they all have this fishing thing and they lay down and they're clapping. And it's it's beautiful, but it's not normal. It's not normal. It should be normal. It just means, you know, as Peterson's Jordan Peterson would say, they're safe enough to play, they're safe enough to dance. Even though they're 17 and 18, they're just, you know, that that's the way that they should be able to grow up slow but grow up strong, knowing that the world's gonna need them. So that's just an amazing thing. So the more families you see that don't, you know, do some of the things that we do, this isn't by any means is not saying, hey, Jimmy Graham's family's perfect and wish you'd be like us. I'm just saying that we do some things that have just bared that they've shown they've shown some fruit. And it would be great if other people had fruit as well. You know, so if you're doing something better, keep doing it. But a lot of people, when I'm talking about, hey, you know, with my men's groups or with, you know, the the places where I draw strength, those those men that love me enough to tell me the truth, uh, we start talking about this. I'm seeing that it's not normal. So if we're if we're blessed, at least even in a season to get a couple lessons, why wouldn't you share it with people? Why wouldn't you ask if they're affirming their kids? Why wouldn't you teach them to have their children stand straight up? When you do this full time, you learn a lot. This isn't just self-confidence, it's self-defense. You know, we have a class where we talk about don't look like a bunny in the jungle. Sometimes you need to change your posture and you need to look a little more confident or you might be victimized. So that's a uh, you know, lessons that kids need to learn. And we're blessed. We worked hard to raise our kids in Douglas County, Colorado. That's that's a very blessed county. It's not as dangerous as some, but I don't want naive kids either, right? They're gonna go step out into the world and I don't want the world gobbling them up because dad didn't do his job. So this is this is all very, very important stuff. And what better way for you know, tough guy Navy SEAL than to do a cartoon book, you know, and talk to kids and say, guys, I just think you need to know this. And it's uh you'll know this, and you've got yours too. It's more for the parents than it is for the kids, or equally, right? So the parents are going to be reading this to their children, hopefully, chapter per night, like we like we suggest. And they're gonna be like, huh. You know what? I I don't talk like that. Maybe perhaps I should re-examine, you know, so not tell anybody how to live their life, just saying, I'm going, you're invited.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, I love that mantra that you always say, I'm going and you're invited. And this is the discipleship way, is that if we learn something, it's working well, it's our duty as Christians to pass this along to others and to give them a very practical way. Jesus spoke in parables. It's like, give people the practical steps they need to replicate what you're doing with your own spouse and kids that works because this is to be shared. We want everyone to have these lessons, to know how to affirm and bless their children, to pray for their children, aloud for their children, uh, with their children. And so that's what I love about this book is that there's a a lesson, you know, uh, with a beautiful little story, short little snippet story that's the real deal from the Graham family, right? Something that one of your kids said, or an incident that they had that um made you or Rachel respond in a certain way. And then um a Bible verse to back up the principle in that story, which parents are craving these days. It's like, where does that come from? Okay, you say that this thing is good, or to do this certain thing, uh, you know, in it in your parenting, but why? Where does it come from? And it's like when you attach a Bible verse, the truth to what you're telling someone to say or do, man, that just seals it in. It's like, okay, we know where this comes from. It's good, it's true, it's beautiful. We want to do more of it. And then you have these discussion prompts. So with each chapter, a short story, then a Bible verse and a discussion prompt, or what I call it's like conversation starters, right? Three short little questions that just get you and your kid talking about that particular lesson. And this is this is bite-sized bits, your book. It's not, you know, 40 minutes of reading every night or anything. It's just a perfect amount of um reading and discussion time. And then I just love how you end it with a little challenge and then a promise and a prayer together, because it's just like the most beautiful way to bond with your kids over something that is left out so much these days, which is reading aloud to one another, your kids reading to you or you reading to them. So, man, you put it all together in this book. This is just so good. But I want to back up and say, you know, on the back of your book, it says we believe that there is a war on decency in this nation. And this book is a counter to that attack. So say more about that, this war on decency in this nation and what your book does to sort of overcome that or train up kids in a different way.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so I just I just spoke at a TPUSA event on Saturday, and we broached this because these are young adults. So I'm I'm telling this. It needs to be blunt, it needs to be very, very crystal clear that you're being hunted. Like my daughters are being hunted. So that's not, that's, you know, I can't be expected to be calm about that and be like, oh yeah, you know, like it's not a big deal. They're actively being hunted, and and it's not, it's no longer in the shadows. This is in the daylight. This is not hiding. It's like we want your children. That's the deal. Meaning, these spiritual battles and the dark forces and realms and all these things, they're coming for our children. And and and are you gonna allow that? So, how do you counter that is that with the truth? It's always the same thing. It's with the truth. Know the truth that will truly set them and keep them free. But if not, if they're not hearing it. So it even talks about that. How are our the last part of the back of the book is how will our kids know these things if we don't tell them? And more importantly, if we don't show them. So don't just tell them, model it. So you got to model this for your kids. And again, this isn't look at me, look at me, but I do believe you should look people in the in the eye. Like the high five is one of the chapters where I'm walking down the street and I and I my daughter meets somebody and we get back to the garage and I say, We're just taking a walk. And I say, Hey, I should have taught you this a long time ago. And they know this, I just had to be for the book. I say, it's called high five. She goes, Oh, I know how to do a high five. No, high five means this. There's five points when you say hi to somebody for the first time. You know, first would be posture. And I go, push your head straight up. And we just did this, or do you know this? Towering, and then and then go down a couple inches and say cowering. So there's a two-inch difference between towering and cowering. That's not only confidence, it's self-defense, right? So that posture is a big deal. Then look them in the eye, then firm handshake, then strong voice. Hi, my name's Jimmy. They say, hi, my name's so-and-so, and smile. That's it. Five things. And um, you probably wouldn't be surprised actually how many adults don't know that. How many when I shake your hand and you give me that dead fish, or I like to call it the princess handshake, and you're a man, you said something, and it ain't good. You know, it ain't that's right. You just communicated something and it's not strength. So, why wouldn't you just you know love somebody enough to tell them, hey, that that thing we do in the society, when you look people in the eye, you you firmly say your name like you believe in your in your family lineage and you shake that hand and look at them and you smile to try to calm them down a little bit or at least ease them and make it look like you're not trying to skin them or whatever. It it matters, it just matters. That first impression is a thing. So then, and then we kind of laugh about it, we walk in the house. But those are kind of things that if my my kids, if they you know, if they met you right now, you know them. But if they met you, um, I I don't know how many people have done that, like, wow, that was that was interesting because you don't see it much anymore. And I'm like, why not? Why not? It's my job to make sure that you see it with my kids. So that's that's a big deal, you know. If I could talk about just the the first chapter, how do you love a fish? Because people are like, What? And I just this book was so I I wrote a book called Return of Man. It took years to just even get my scattered thoughts on paper. This one was very, very fast, but then it had to be formed up, right? So it just came very quick as a conversation with me and my daughter. And there's a picture. We're camping, and my cot's a little bit lower. We're on a daddy-daughter campout, and and I was awake. I wake up pretty early, but I didn't want to wake them up. So I'm just there, just talking to God, just doing my thing, just you know, not verbally. I'm just praying, you know, within my head. And she wakes up and she goes, What are you doing? And I said, I'm I'm talking to God. She goes, Well, what do you say? What's he saying? It's like he he says I should write a book. She goes, What's it called? And it was just a fun little conversation. I go, it's called How Do You Love a Fish? He's like, What? And she goes, What's it about? I go, Well, it's about a little girl that walks into a uh a pet store. She says, Mom, can I have a fish? She goes, Well, what would you do with the fish? She goes, Well, I'd I take it to school with me and feed it some of my peanut butter sandwich and it could sleep on my pillow. And she's like, Honey, a fish needs, you know, to stay in the water, it needs fish food, special chemicals for the water and all that stuff. So it needs special things or it can't survive, you know. And she's like, Oh, okay. And then you see her and her mom buying the fish and you see her kissing the bowl, you know, on the cover where she ended up getting the fish. And then the challenge would be, how do you love a fish? And the answer that my family would repeat back to you, how do you love a fish? They would say, according to its needs.
SPEAKER_02:You know, so it's like according to its needs.
SPEAKER_00:According to its needs. You know, I can't love my wife. And she and my why and my daughter asked me that. She goes, What does that mean? And I go, I think God's trying to teach me how to love your mom according to her needs, not mine. Not the way that I think she wants to be loved, but what is she really, what are her needs? You know, so at the end of the chapter, you mentioned this. There's a Bible verse, you know, do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility, consider one another as important, uh, as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of others. Philippians 2, 3 and 4. Right? The discussion props. I could look at my daughter at seven years old and say, what do you think it means to love people according to their needs? And just let her talk and sit there and listen and wait for the gold to come out, because it will, right? Um, and then the second one, who could um who could each of us love according to their needs? And then maybe she says something, you know, maybe Christian, maybe my brother, maybe he needs this, and maybe I could do this better, right? And then just look at her and go, what are your needs? You know, and just that's where the magic happens. Because what comes out of we're driving, so this is just a funny story, it's a little bit offline. Um, my son got in trouble for being a boy because he just couldn't be still. And but a couple times during the week, so he got like a little thing that I had to sign. And it's a big deal. So I took away some privileges, said next time it's your allowance, and this is a big deal, and you will be part. I'm raising part of the solution, not part of the problem. That's what I told him, yes, sir. Okay, next time it's your allowance, and whatever. Off we go. Yesterday, I'm driving my kids to school because I uh two days ago. Um, I drive my kids to school on Wednesday that I don't got to. I get to, that's in the book too. I get to drive my kids to school, and I said, Okay, right when we pull in the parking lot, what are you guys gonna do today? He says, ACES, which means I'm gonna try to get A's, right? They might say something like, make Jesus famous, right? And she looks up at me and she goes, I'm gonna be part of the solution, not part of the problem. At seven, she says this that she's gonna be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Like, oh my goodness, you know. So those are things, and then the challenge reply, like I said, how do you love a fish? Answer according to its needs. That's something very sweet, very short that kids can grab. They can grab hold of that later when you know I can't remember the whole chapter or that book he wrote, but I know this, you know, and regularly I'll ask him those kind of things. And then you've heard this before. I've said this last time, I believe. My daughter at five years old could run this. Like usually the parent says this, the child, I would say, I love you. She says, I love you. I say, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you. You're a good girl, you're a good dad. I love I love being your daddy, I love being your daughter. I thank God for you, I thank God for you. And then I say, I'm always here for you. She says, I'm always here for you. I love you always and forever. And she says, no matter what. And I need her to know that no matter what means no matter what. There's nothing you could do ever to get me to stop loving you, right? I can be disappointed, I can be upset, I can be all those things, but I can't. I'm not capable of stopping loving you, right? So she knows all my kids could say this verbatim because they've heard it since they were little bitty. And I just told my my my senior, my 17-year-old, hey, I don't want this to be wrote repetition. You know I mean that. She goes, I know you do. I know. You know, I was like, okay, got it. And that's the deal. Then you pray, Father God, thank you for the gift, thank you for the gift of this child. Thank you for this day. Please bless her sleep, his or her sleep, his or her dreams, and his or her life. Help her to love others according to their needs, not their own. Please help me to be the best daddy in the world because she deserves it. In Jesus' name. Amen. And that's that would be one night. Just that story. And then, and then on then, you know, eating right. You know, I tell my kids, eat right and exercise, because everybody's like, oh, you got to do this and the energy drinks. I'm like, here's the recipe if you want to be more fit. Eat right and exercise. It's always been that. It's never been anything else, right? It's like if I'm your weight, I know it's because I got lazy and I didn't eat right. You can't out, what is it, out exercise a bad diet, you know? And I get like everybody else, and then there's consequences to it, you know, and he needs to know that. So that's that's without uh the Bible verse on that, you know, the prayer, all that. Say true words. This is an epidemic in our country. We need to stop repeating lies. I I was just in a conversation where everybody was getting upset about something they heard. I say, people don't speak what they know, they they yell what they've heard. And this is this is a horrible thing. People are yelling, and then you say some true words, like, you know what? I don't believe that to be true, and watch the whole conversation screech to a halt, and everybody realizes, you know what? Neither do I. What was I just doing? What was I saying? And I was telling one of my guys about that the Indiana Jones Temple of Doom movie where the little kid short round burns him with the torch and he comes out of it, like, what am I doing? You know, it's like that. We need that these days because you're like, I'm just repeating stuff that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Start true words and pull everybody else out of this trance, right? And that's just that's that just that's that's just what the book is. It's our stories, it's our moments. And some of them are, you know, I'm I'm talking about the mistakes that I've made in traffic, you know, and then my daughter's that lovingly, right? So I'm not like, look at me, I'm like, hey, I mess up, but I'm working on it. You know, I I know this about my kids. I know they don't think they know I'm not perfect, and I know definitely my wife knows I'm not perfect, but man, I'm trying. You know, it's like they're like, you know, that in this one, I'll I'll touch on this one because this one, if I can not be an emotional mess, I get when I I wrote, I read this so many times in pre-screening, I'll let you do it so many times a publisher book. I get missed yet on this one. So on the one, this is my you asked me my favorite. Chapter 11, Call Your Treasures Your Treasures, right? Calling Your Treasures Your Treasures. And uh it's only one page. If you don't mind, I'll read it. I'm gonna try not to start falling. Um, this is my my 17-year-old. Um like five minutes ago, she was like four, right? And she was my only kid, and it's just she's just an amazing bold. She's the president of her TPUSA chapter. She's going to summit ministries this summer. I've seen her line out adults and be like, uh-uh. I don't believe that. She's and she's so loving and beautiful and all the things. And it says I see, you know, it's called uh my chapter 11, Call Your Treasures Your Treasures. As she shut off the light at bedtime, Rebecca's dad said, Good night, my treasures, sleep well. Rebecca said, Dad, why do you call us your treasures? Her dad answered, Well, for a couple reasons, my love. First, because that's what you are. Of the many things that your mom and I are blessed with, all these combined don't even come close to how much we value each one of our children, her dad answered. As Rebecca listened, her dad continued, I don't consider us rich financially, but I consider myself rich, a rich man, because of what your mother and I and I consider our treasures, Rebecca's dad said. Second, there may come a day when someone asks, whew, that's the part that gets me. What did your father treasure the most when you were growing up? He looked at Rebecca and said, I hope and pray that you will be able to confidently respond, he treasured me. He actually called me his treasure. Man, like she might be leaving my house soon. I can't, I can't wrap my arms around that, right? But what a gift. And she can't go on knowing that I'm not her treasure, that she's not my treasure, right? Because I mean it. Um if anything ever could ever happen to her, I need her to know. I say this, it's a movie quote, late at night when the demons come, when she's struggling, that there's a person in this world that treasures her. Like for like her mom and I. Bible verse for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6, 21. Discussion prompts will be, you know, what do you value? What do you consider your treasures? Second one, what are some of the things that money can't buy? You know, having that conversation. It doesn't have to be a seven-year-old, it could be a 17-year-old, it could be literally back to your wife. Um, what could what can you say or do to make someone know that you treasure them? And then the challenge, all my kids know this. If all you want is money, it might be all you get. So I would say if all you want is money, and they'll look right back at me and they say, it may be all you get. Like, that's not enough. Money's not enough. There's so much more, right? And then the promise and then the prayer.
SPEAKER_02:I got a lump in my throat over here.
SPEAKER_00:I can barely read that. I thought I've read it so many times, and it just all this comes, you know, that I walked, you know, the Camino with my daughters, 17 and 15, this summer. And um, man, probably one of the best things I've done in my life. Turn the world off. Focus on these girls and and and make sure that they know they don't even fully appreciate it right now, but they will someday, right? I'm not, I'm not in this short term. The long-term thing is, man, we didn't have a ton of money. I'm gonna know my dad was always aspiring to provide, but man, he did hit pause one summer and we put the the devices down and we walked across Spain and he made sure that he knew that that we were his treasures.
SPEAKER_02:The treasures, so important. And we can think this about our kids, but if they don't hear it and they don't feel it from us, it doesn't matter. So I love that you combine both. You're saying we have to model this for our children and truly die to ourselves and serve them and serve our spouse, but we also need to use our words. God gave us true words to use. And, you know, one of the simplest but most powerful ways that we bring love into our homes is through blessing each other with our true words, right? To call out the good in our spouse and in our kids. Affirmations or blessings like you're talking about, yeah, is like oxygen to our soul. Right? A child who hears something like, I love how you helped your brother, or a spouse who hears, I admire how hard you're working for our family, babe. They walk walk away lighter, stronger, and freer because blessing through words creates it creates just this environment where people feel safe, they feel loved and and which is probably the most important, they feel free to grow into who God made them to be. Yes, yes, without love and blessing, like this this freedom, this being free to be who God, no, it it becomes selfish, it becomes chaotic, but with like you're talking about with love as the foundation, freedom is life-giving. It's so good.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know if you you follow Jordan Peterson, and I know that your husband is very familiar, and um he gets emotional talking about this, and he was like, if you had any idea how many people were hanging by a thread, like he just gets bombarded with young men, and all they want is a kind word. They just want to be affirmed, you know. And they just he's like, you know how easy it is and it's free. Why wouldn't you do it? You know, and I would say to anybody watching, hey Christian, why wouldn't you do it? It's like it might be awkward. I don't care about really I scratch that. I I've stopped saying I don't care. I care less about your comfort because I do care. I think any pastor, nobody ever priests, anybody, should stop saying, Hey, I don't care about this, I don't care about that. But I do care less about your comfort than I do about that person that's hanging by a thread. So they're hanging by a thread and you're not. There's another, you know, young man that attempted to take his life this weekend that I personally know about. And it's just unacceptable. It's like at some point people need to love him enough to tell them the truth. And I don't, you know, I know it's uncomfortable. I know it is. But man, you take that chance, and once you do it, you've done it. And you might why not make a lifestyle of affirming people? Why not make a decision like I did in my 20s or 30s when I said, you know what? There's people in this world that are worse off knowing Jimmy Graham, and I don't like that. You know, maybe it was some thing with excess alcohol or a fight on the playground. I don't know what it is, but they would have a bad memory of me. From now on, everybody's better. I don't care if it's an inch or a mile, they're gonna be better off having met this guy, right? And I'm not trying to leave a legacy for my kids, but like I said, you know, families of character. Character builds credibility, builds legacy. But character builds credibility, means that's a credible guy. And I'm not chasing a legacy. But those things, when you do those things, not give to get, but you do because it's the right thing to do, it does leave a legacy.
SPEAKER_02:It does leave a legacy.
SPEAKER_00:And now they're like, hey, you know what? What was your dad's legacy? And I pray to God they say this one day. Not a legacy of Navy SEALs, not CIA, not Abel Shepherd, not CEO, not that. I pray to God they say he left a legacy of faithfulness.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, his love for God.
SPEAKER_00:He was faithful to God and he loved us. Man, he loved us. And he wasn't perfect, but man, he died trying. And that's that's an amazing deal. Um, one of the things that jumped out is in this chapter, it's chapter eight. And this just really got me. And when it did, I changed how I talked. So it's called May I Please Have. And I talk about in this world, you know, we're all sitting around having dinner, and the waitress comes up, and and everybody, this is this is true. We sit there and we'll try, we'll make an attempt to put to put the menu down and we'll look straight at them and say, May I please have. And they say, you know, like this. And then you say thank you. It starts with the ladies and goes around the thing, and then young man Christian says, you know, and then and then it comes to me, May I please have, and thank you. And the waitress comments and says, Wow, you guys are very polite. Thank you for your manners. You can you can't even imagine what I hear all day. I'll have, I'll take, give me. That's what we say. Just go into any coffee shop and just listen for five minutes, and that's what you're gonna hear. I'll have a latte, give me a latte, you know, I'll take of this. It's like you don't talk to human beings that way, right? Especially people that are that choose to serve you and make your day a little easier because you can start with your morning coffee and you're saying, I'll take, I'll give, or yeah, like it's it's just rude, right? So we just it's accepted, but not in my house, right? So it just means that that it is my job to not make them do it. I'm going, you're invited. Let's use better words. And we get we don't do it to get amazing service, but we get amazing service because people are like, Thank you for saying that. I appreciate your manners.
SPEAKER_02:Of course. When they feel blessed, they're free to be blessed you, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:It's just such an awesome domino effect. I love that. I want to go through the 11 points that are listed on the back of this book. This is so good, y'all. You have to get a copy of the book. Okay, here are the 11 points. Love others according to their needs. Take care of your body. Yes. We need our kids and ourselves to understand this and embrace it. Say true words. Oh, just like you said, it's so commonplace for people to lie, not to be accountable for themselves, to think that they can um, you know, they ought to be talking badly about other people when they have no control over that person's behavior. It's like, no. Rewind. You have you know agency over your own personal self first. Okay, then let's start there, right? Let's say true words. You are powerful. I love this about your gift. Stay humble. Humility is it's a beautiful thing. Don't be distracted. This is one of my favorites because the devil says, I love the screw tape letter letters, and the devil, when he's training his his uh nephew to be, you know, the next little demon, he says, if you can't get a Christian to deny their faith, distract them.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02:That is the enemy's way to keep us distracted, to get our kids distracted, and then he has an end. So they're right there in the middle of the book. Don't be distracted.
SPEAKER_00:And now if I could just jump, if I could jump in real quick, is that where I'm teaching? I'm teaching my son and my daughter, and we're going through a thing and saying, Hey, are you in charge of them? No, who are you in charge of? You, what are you gonna do better? That's such a big deal, even personally for me as a man. I'll get so upset. I see people all day, and they're just like, Did you see what this person did? Did you see what the Democrats did? Did you see what the Republicans did? Did you see what the so-and-so did? And and um, I'm like, what are you gonna do about it? They're like, What do you mean? I'm just gonna yell stuff. You know, it's like, well, what are you gonna do? Like, there's an accountability thing where I will tell my son, like, are you in charge of him? No, who are you in charge of? You? What are you gonna do? Better, like that being distracted, um, that's a big, big deal. I'm I'm going back through. I'm just God put this on my heart to read back through the New Testament. So I'm going through and uh, you know, I'm always trying to have a better communication with my wife. I'm always trying to be better with my kids, all that. And I'm going through, you know, the love, first Corinthians, love is patient, love is kind. Oh, and I'm kind of this is horrible to say, but I'm kind of like, I know this one. Just as you read through it, and I read, love is not provoked. Love is not provoked. I'm like, love is not provoked. And I'm like, I've been provoked. Like, I it's like I'm in charge of my words. Literally, anybody can I see in my men's group this morning, guys are like, I saw you post that and it convicted me. Because then it's like, maybe your wife just needs to talk, but here you come with like the fix. And you know, we've talked about this, right? It's like, okay, listen, it's like, yeah, I listened. And we never said this, but I listened for 50 words. Well, maybe she needs 5,000 words for hear her herself talking, but you've never shut up for 5,000 words. But maybe she could be the one to realize, you know, what I'm saying, that's not actually true. But and maybe okay, hey Lord, what about 5,000 words? He's like, Oh, maybe it's 50,000. Maybe you just need to let her talk. And the guys think they're fixers. And I tell the guys, hey, good, things wouldn't get fixed if you weren't a fixer, but not in your house.
unknown:You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00:It's like not in your marriage. In your marriage, and we don't need to do it, right? But that's the thing. It's like I'm getting distracted and trying to blame somebody else. This was on me. So that's the thing where it's like, okay, I'm not going to be distracted by what everybody's doing or what she's saying. It's like God's gonna call me as a man accountable and and he's gonna say, Hey, I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about you. God, did you even see what she said? Did you hear what she did? It's like I'm talking to you.
SPEAKER_01:That's right.
SPEAKER_00:She's let me deal with her, but you're accountable for you. And that's that's where I think guys are getting distracted and say, no, you're you need to be accountable for your words. You need to go that Philippians 4.8. And I think that might be the one in that one. Philippians 4.8, you know, if what's going in, is it true, noble, you know, right, pure? Is it lovely, admirable? Is it excellent or playsworthy? What coming out of your mouth? Is it true, noble, right, and pure? Is it lovely, admirable, is it excellent or praiseworthy? No, they don't say it. Right? That's what you're going to be accountable for. So don't be get distracted and think that you're not.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. I remember our kids were carpooling with one of our friends uh to school, and uh they said, uh, you know, her dad was driving a car and and he said, you know what, guys? Not everything deserves a comment. And that stuck with me because I thought, man, I'm the one who will comment about everything. I have so much to say about just all the words. And so when you say that, is it true? Is it noble? Is it it's like, and if it's not, just bite your tongue. Yeah, just don't say a word. If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all, right? That's what we used to hear growing up from our own parents. It's like there's something too.
SPEAKER_00:Perhaps you were raised, like I was raised to where it was like the the silence was more out of passivity, but but uh, you know, even in scripture it shows this where Jesus didn't answer somebody. Silence is strength. Like you can be quiet and choose not to speak, and it's not weakness, it's strength. So don't feel like you need to fill the room, the air with words to be strong. Sometimes it's actually harder to actually be silent and just look at somebody. Or, you know, it's it's very, very powerful, actually. I remember um you were talking about driving with kids and being that influence. There's a there's a some some friends of ours, these young men that are friends with my son, and we're driving. And their language, they weren't cursing, but they were just saying some stuff, you know, like the the borderline words, you know. And I go, gentlemen, can we choose better words? That's all I said, right? They're like and then all of a sudden the language cleaned up. And then I also started the football games, they would walk by and I would just because we just go out and do fun stuff, and I'll I guess I'm not abusive. I just grab them by the top of their hair, pull them in, and just hug them. And now they love it, they crave it. Of course they do respect it, right? And now, like it's like uh, hey Mr. Gramma, how you doing? They just they nuzzle in like my boy, and I'm like, How you doing, sir? How's your game? They're like, Oh, it's so good. How it stuff, it's it's super cool. But they just they just want a little affirmation, they just want a little tension. Like, who doesn't, by the way? Yeah, and I I may have told you this or not, I don't know. My my jujitsu, I was doing jujitsu down in in um in in Castle Rock, it's a place called Bom Jitsu, big Brazilian dude named Gigi. And and and I'm not good at jujitsu, by the way. It's like easy to black belt, and I'm not. And uh, and he was like, Good Jimmy, good this accent, you know, grab good, good form, good strength, perfect, Jimmy. And I know I'm not good, but I leave there feeling like a million bucks. And and then that I'm like, guys, when I get back here to my job, which is training, I'm like, we need to start affirming more people. Here's my point if Navy SEAL CIA, tough guy, needs it, I need affirmation, then everybody needs affirmation. And some people are hanging by a thread and just assume they are, just assume they are because you won't know.
SPEAKER_02:That's right. You know what my my favorite place to affirm people is, and this might sound really odd the grocery store. I absolutely love it. It's my playground for affirming people. I look for the same checkers that are there every time I go in. Alex, Phil, Don. I call them by name. I check in with them, they light up. I ask them if they saw the sunrise. Did you see the northern lights the other night? Or I'll tell them if something's happening in the community they got to go to. And it it fills me with so much joy to affirm them. It's like if I'm having a bad day, I'm like, man, I gotta get to the grocery store. People like, why? Because I need to love on some people. I am obviously too self-absorbed and thinking of just me that I have to find people to serve because when I do that, I become the best version of myself. And and I'm like, well, this makes sense because true love is dying to self. It's like whatever you planned to do or wanted to do that was just going to serve you, put it aside and just go do something that's a hundred percent for that other person.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And it just lights you up. That's why you talk about people who are depressed, suicidal. One of the things in my practice, when I would have very, very depressed people who are almost non-functioning, if I could engage them to be a volunteer somewhere to give of themselves at a food bank or serving lunch in a park, their depression turned around almost immediately. It's like they felt they had purpose that they were needed. There was a reason for their being, and it just automatically cut down on the those feelings of, you know, worthlessness and just self-deprecating, you know, down depressed. I want to die. You know, so I think just serving, you know, getting our kids, reading things like this and modeling service and affirmation for our kids just builds up that reservoir of confidence and and um generosity in them so that that this is overflowing for them as adults.
SPEAKER_00:On the back it says, show them and tell them often. And that often is a big deal, like not just once, over and over and over, right? So, this I've heard this in the past couple days. I've made a point to do this a while back. It's powerful. I would challenge anybody listening to do this. I said, You are very good at your job. I appreciate you. And just tell people, I appreciate you. It you watch them change just right in their face, they're like, Do you appreciate me? I've done this twice at the VA. I just did it the other day at Freddie's. Like the person was just so polite, and it's unfortunate that that's not the norm, but it's not. And they just made sure everything was right, they were very polite, they were all that. I go, hey, and then and then they uh they they walked away and they did, and another guy came over giving the footage. I go, um, that is a very uh it was the manager, and I said, Um, that they did they do an amazing job. Make sure you keep that one. They go, Well, I'm their manager, so thanks for saying that. I'll make sure they know that, right? It's like they need it's a big deal and it's not normal.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it takes an extra 15 seconds to to call that person out in a beautiful way and to pull their manager over and give them a compliment because they hear every complaint.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. In the readiness realm, I would call that situational awareness, and I'd say study what's ordinary so you can recognize what's ordinary what's so we'll study what's ordinary, and then you uh um normal so you can uh recognize what's abnormal, meaning a threat, but also study what's ordinary so you can notice what's extraordinary and start saying thank you. Right. Because if you start the more you know about normal, you study normal, and you go, this this looks about normal, then all of a sudden something's way better. Go tell them. You know, go tell them, like my staff. I appreciate you guys. You guys, I I love working with you guys. You guys are amazing. This isn't normal. I love it.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Well, probably about two years ago, I think when you were on our show in episode 72, you were talking about just driving in your car and you see, you know, a woman with kids in the car, whatever she's broke down in the middle of traffic or whatever, and everybody's just moving around her to get where they need to go and just seeing a need, filling the need, stopping, modeling that for your kids too. Yeah, I might be 30 minutes or an hour late for whatever I'm going to, but let's just take some time to recognize someone in need, get somebody to safety, and then go about our business. And so that stuck with me too. So when I see people broke down, I'm like, okay, if it looks like a a big dude, maybe I'm gonna pass and let the next guy help them out. But yeah, you know, when people are in need, just stopping to check in on them and find out the small thing that you could do to make their day, so good.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I can't remember if this popped in my head. I don't know if it was on the last interview, but I pulled over one time in the middle of the road when I was leaving church and it was late at night. And when I pulled over to help, somebody had pulled over to help. So I was almost like, they got it. But because I pulled over, I realized it was a young lady trying to help these dudes and they were shady. And I was like, ma'am, I have this. She goes, Are you sure? I'm like, Yeah. So who knows? I'm not saying something would have happened, but I was like, I could have been like, ah, whoever pulled over got it. And then I'm like, ma'am, you know, and she was just kind of like, I just want to help, but I'm not sure what that is. Like, I got a jump kit and all that stuff. I can handle this. And she's like, Thank you. Because she just wanted to help, but I was like, This is this is sketchy for me.
unknown:You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00:Right. She's this young lady, but she was just raised with a good heart and she wanted to help. And I'm like, all right, that's right, I got it. And she, if she'd have stayed, that'd have been great too. But sure, we want to be alone because my daughter, I wouldn't want to be alone there. Yes, yes, totally. So I'm like, all right, well, let's see what we can see.
SPEAKER_02:So good. Okay, a couple of these other lessons in the book. Have good manners, absolutely. Be grateful, totally, be confident, and finally, you are treasured. Such a great message, Jimmy Graham. This book is gonna bless so many people. And I'm just gonna go out on the list. I have a signed copy. I have my copy here. I'm gonna have to buy more copies because I have nieces and nephews. Um, and I would say if you're a grandparent listening to this, you need like 10 copies because you're gonna have birthday parties, you're gonna have Christmas, you're gonna have Easter baskets, and you need to have them on hand. I mean, if you want to develop character in your kids or your grandkids and you want to journey along with them informing their their character, this book, you're not just throwing it to your kid and say, hey, read this. No, this is meant to be shared. This is a shared way to grow in character and grow in virtue. Um, just 11 short chapters that you can read one per night or every other night, however you want to do that, is a great bonding way for you to just engage your kids and really embrace these principles and these lessons in the book. So, Jamie, where did they get a copy of this? What's the quickest way to get it in their hands?
SPEAKER_00:It's cool to see your stuff on Amazon, right? So it came out, it's by uh it's uh How Do You Love a Fish, Christian Faith Publishing. They're gonna put some trailers together. I don't know that that will be before the holidays, but it's right, it's up there now. I just got mine. Titled the press.
SPEAKER_02:Amazon link is in the show notes, folks. If you get our Tuesday uh email newsletter, you have the link to purchase a copy in that Tuesday email that you got from us. Um, Jimmy, this has been a blessing. Thank you for following the nudging of the Holy Spirit in that you know tent that night where you were it just was on your heart to write this book and to share your family stories. Um, so many people are going to be blessed by it. Also, if you if you read the book with your kids, get a copy of it, start looking through it, and you have some thoughts about the book or it's blessed you in some certain way, Jimmy. What's the best way for them to engage with you to let you know, you know, how they enjoy your book or um, you know, just give you a shout out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this. Social media, it is the future. I know a lot of people are like, I'm not on social media, but like you better get on social media because like it will only be a voice of negativity if we don't get on there and start pouring some light into that, those platforms. So Jimmy Graham on X, Jimmy Graham on Facebook, uh just pop up there. I would love to hear your thoughts. So thank you. What a blessing. People have already told me. Parents are like, my daughter's like, go get the book, you know, that kind of thing. Yes. And that just blessed my heart. So so praise God. And thank you for all you're doing, Jordan. I appreciate you. Do you see what I did right there? Do you see that?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yes, a little blessing for me at the end. You guys also, if you're in the Denver area and you're looking for a family emergency readiness course, Abelshepherd.com is where to go. Jimmy had just trained two of our couples that are in our coaching program, and they're we little children. And man, they walked away with a plan. What do we do if we are in the middle of a restaurant or at a park or at a concert and someone is threatening violence on our family? How do we um, you know, link up together, get ourselves away safely, and have dad protecting the family, and mom volunteer, you know, as as a good helper, right in line and and getting everybody to a safe place. Check it out. It's a really fun course. And uh, and I would say that you need it. Everyone does. So ableshepherd.com is uh Jimmy's awesome emergency preparedness uh organization and can't say enough good things about you.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much. Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02:You're welcome. Guys, keep tuning in to the Families of Character show. And if this blessed you, please share it with people in your network, share it on social media, um email it out to folks, text it to your spouse for sure, and uh make sure to grab a copy of How Do You Love a Fish by Jimmy Graham. We'll catch you on another episode real soon. Thanks so much, guys.
