Unsexy Church
The Unsexy Church podcast is dedicated to defining what makes a Biblical church truly healthy. Pastors Bob Block and Darren Selvidge bring a unique blend of humor, experience, and information as they discuss preaching, leading, and serving the local church. The Unsexy Church podcast is a ministry resource of FBC Tampa in Tampa, Florida.
Unsexy Church
Season 2 Episode 43: On Weddings pt. 2
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Pastor Trent is joined in this week's episode by media assistant Kara and they discuss all things wedding. Kara interviews Trent on the process of officiating a marriage and they have fun discussions along the way. Tune in this week for a lighthearted episode of Unsexy Church!
Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. I'm in the studio with Kara today, so Pastor Bob is gone Technically not gone. Well, he just left, so I guess he is gone. He went to head to a soccer game in Sefner Valrico, as he's a assistant soccer coach with Cambridge Christian School. Go Lancers and they're hoping for a win tonight. But it's Thursday afternoon, bob is gone, and so I am recording an episode with just Kara today.
Speaker 2It's me.
Speaker 3Not just Kara, but just just Kara in the room. It's just Kara.
Speaker 1Well, it's just Kara. No one's super exciting. No, no, it's just Kara, but it's not just Kara. Yeah, you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3I feel like it's just Kara and it's just Kara. It's just Trent here, but it's not just Trent.
Speaker 1I think the inflection changes the intention. Well, hey, how are you? I'm doing. Well, how are you? Trent? Big event coming in three days, you will be a married woman. Yeah, you will no longer be a fiance, but a wife. How wild is that.
Speaker 3That's crazy, it's three days.
Speaker 1Let's go, jaden.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1You'll be Kara Smith.
Speaker 3I will be Only the most exciting last name. Your phone world. Your phone ring. Yes, is it a wedding thing? Do you need to take it? No, you're good, you're sure.
Speaker 1Yeah, it was only Jordan wait so well, hey, yes, three days from now you will be married.
Speaker 3I will be, and the reception is also in Valrico that's right, not too far from our house.
Speaker 1I don't think I don't know the exact address, I have to look it up, but but we're in Slephner, valerico area just outside of Tampa, so are you nervous?
Speaker 3I am excited, I'm thrilled, I'm giddy.
Speaker 1Are you, I am all the things Like anxious, like in a good way, like I wished it was today.
Speaker 3I wish I don't wish it was today, because there's things that need to happen, but I'm like so excited for it, yeah.
Speaker 1So it'll be Jaden Smith and Kara Smith.
Speaker 3Jaden Smith, like Will Smith's son Same name, different personality there yeah.
Speaker 1But, hey. I hey, I have a fact.
Speaker 3What's your fact?
Speaker 1Chad. Did you know that the length of an animal's yawn is actually directly correlated to how big their brain is? How large their brain is, so the longer they yawn, supposedly the bigger the brain?
Speaker 3I got a big brain.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah. So how long does it take you to yawn? So scientists hypothesize that yawning acts as a mechanism to cool the brain by increasing blood flow, and larger brains of course require longer yawns to achieve the cooling effect of their brain. So studies analyzing a wide range of mammals and birds have found this correlation to be consistent across different species.
Speaker 3That's so cool. I'm going to measure next time you yawn Wait.
Speaker 1How long can I make a yawn gif?
Speaker 3I'm going to measure your yawn, darren's yawn, pastor Bob's yawn and Ben's yawn and Olivia's yawn and compare all your yawns to one another and see who's the most biggest brained intellectual ministerial person on our staff. I don't understand yawns totally biggest brained intellectual ministerial person on our staff.
Speaker 1So honestly, I don't understand yawns totally like, okay, it's a cooling mechanism, sure, sure, sure. But the weird, like something weird about yawning to me is, if you see someone yawn, it's really hard not to yawn.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1But you never think. You would have never thought about yawning before seeing them.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's an odd thing. You might not even be tired, I think. Maybe you just see themselves like relaxing their body and just enjoying a yawn.
Speaker 1Yawns are so nice, it's like a sneeze, it's just like you know, but stopping a yawn, that's so upsetting, like stepping on Legos yeah, it's awful, it's kind of. Have you ever had someone like do the thing like?
Speaker 3as a joke, where you stick their finger in your mouth when you. I do that to other people. Oh, my favorite thing to do. Awful, so irritating to people. Awful, I love to be irritating.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's not cool. Yeah, I would like to know how that thing happens, where it's like you yawn, someone else yawns, someone else yawns. It's like a yawning effect in the room.
Speaker 3Yeah, Like dominoes.
Speaker 1Something. Another interesting, strange, trent. Now, there is a difference there. So if I sneeze because I'm walking outside and the sun is bright which is a typical thing that I do, and it's a typical thing or is a thing you know, people have that hypersensitivity to the sun where, if it's too bright, they sneeze. I do that every time I walk outside if I've been inside for a while, but if I'm just like sneezing because I don't know something in the room, I can't stop sneezing for a while.
Speaker 1So you're just like Not that fast, oh, for about four minutes though.
Speaker 3Okay, and.
Speaker 1I'm in between sneezing, blowing my nose, sneezing again, blowing my nose, sneezing again. I have a sneezing fit.
Speaker 3Okay, it's awful. I hate it so much. Thanks for sharing with the class.
Speaker 2Yeah, my wife doesn't understand it.
Speaker 1Not on either. I wish I could just stop sneezing when I start sneezing, but I can't.
Speaker 3So you know we all have our problems in this world, and just the one that's been allotted to you, trent, not a fan of that one, you're a burden to bear.
Speaker 1What's like a pet peeve to you. What's some pet peeve? I'm thinking of noses and mouths.
Speaker 3I hate it when people sneeze nonstop like back to back to back to back.
Speaker 1I am always like super self-conscious about my breath and my breath, thinking so I have mints almost everywhere I go, anytime I travel, and I'm speaking, when you speak your mouth gets dry and so like immediately have bad breath and you have people come back and ask you questions and you're like I'm just, I'm sorry, please stand six feet away from me from when you're asking questions. So, I have mints in my pocket.
Speaker 3Yeah, the bot like I feel like body odor and bad breath. Those are just it's, it's hard, it's rough. Those are just the things about life that are. You know, they just stick out. But other like pet peeves, like in general that people do, I can't really think of one at the moment.
Speaker 1I feel like it takes a lot to irritate me, people that click their pens or click their fingers.
Speaker 3That doesn't even bother me that much. That bother you no.
Speaker 1People burping out loud.
Speaker 3I feel like that only bothers me Really.
Speaker 1Ben burps out loud all the time.
Speaker 3I think it's so funny if it's just like out in the world in a setting, but like if one of my siblings is next to me and does that, I'm like you're the most disgusting individual to ever exist. Or like farts or anything, If any of my siblings ever like toots sorry, it's okay, we can.
Speaker 3We can bleep that out if needed. But if, if any of my um siblings ever expresses any bodily anything, I always look at them like they're the most disgusting person ever. It's just more irritating when it's I don't know, for some reason, about you.
Speaker 2I know you have a lot of opinions. It's the breath thing. It's the breath thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, you know there's few people that have just like body odor that you smell around them, right. That's not like I know. Like I'd be very surprised if I have body odor than the amount of deodorant and like spray stuff I use because I don't want to stink, but like breath, like it doesn't last a long time, right, like you eat something or you drink something and your breath could smell again, and so I like always have meds. It's just a thing. So okay, okay.
Speaker 1We are going to I don't have a question today, but it's kind of a question we are going to rank cakes ranking rank.
Speaker 2R I N K cakes C.
Speaker 1A K E S ranking cakes. I already cakes Rank R-I-N-K. Cakes C-A-K-E-S.
Speaker 3Ranking cakes. I already know what I'm doing here.
Speaker 1Well, hold on, let's let the listeners hear what kind of cakes we're going to rank. So there are a number of different flavors of cake. There are also a number of different types of cake. We're primarily going to look at types of cake here, although a couple of them might be considered flavor changes. So here we go a bunt cake, b-u-n-d-t-s bunts or b-u-n-d-t bunt cakes, fruit cake, and they're like, uh, fruit cake and like fruit cake a thing for like christmas, people will get that fruit cakes, fruit cakes
Speaker 3but no one ever eats them.
Speaker 1Yeah, cheese, cheesecake, cheesecake funnel cake yeah birthday cake which is like the typical cake cookie cake, carrot cake, german chocolate cake, pineapple dump cake, angel food cake and coffee cake that's a lot of cakes, that's a lot.
Speaker 3You put a lot on this.
Wedding Cake and Ceremony Discussion
Speaker 1It is so let's start with ranking some of the worst. So what would be the worst one on this list to you?
Speaker 3So I put like no for immediately, very many of these. Okay, I'm going to say no.
Speaker 1What's the worst. So how many are there? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. 11. What's number? 11?
Speaker 311?
Speaker 1Probably fruitcake, fruitcake's definitely 11 yeah, if you pick anything else, I don't know like, because some of these can be good, but in general, are bad for example pineapple dump cake that's 10 in general, it's bad.
Speaker 3Have I had a good one before?
Speaker 1sure, yeah, maybe but still on this list but yeah, yeah okay, so that's 10. What's nine? It's got to be carrot cake, right.
Speaker 3I was also going to say that I like carrot cake.
Speaker 1Yeah, but on this list it's nine. Yeah, yeah, it's got to be nine, okay.
Speaker 3I feel so bad saying that, because some carrot cakes are so good, but in general they're just so sweet and I don't enjoy them very much.
Speaker 1So birthday cake is probably next for me.
Speaker 3I would agree with that. I'm not a birthday cake fan.
Speaker 1So that's eight.
Speaker 3That's crazy, okay, so here's the thing with.
Speaker 1Trent, I think you're going to start disagreeing with me here.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 1I don't know that. I know what angel food cake is. Oh is that the?
Speaker 3so I actually like that.
Speaker 1What's angel food cake.
Speaker 3It's like a fluffier kind of cake. It's very light. It's I wouldn't say it's like a vanilla cake, but it's just very light. People usually will get little pieces of it and dip it in chocolate or there will be strawberries or something else on it.
Speaker 1Okay, my next few are going to be German, not in this order, but I know it's going to be German. Chocolate, angel food and Bundt cakes are all going to be my next few.
Speaker 3Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2I've got to narrow them down. That's messed up.
Speaker 1So I think I'm going to go. I'm not a Bundt cake fan. Are you a Bundt cake fan?
Speaker 3What even is that again?
Speaker 1That's the one that's like round it's round and it's also round.
Speaker 3Are they usually dry?
Speaker 1They're, no, they're like usually wet. They taste wet.
Speaker 3Okay, yeah, we can do that one next. Okay, we'll go Bundt cakes next.
Speaker 1So not eight, nine, seven I'm gonna go angel food six.
Speaker 3That's crazy I'm gonna go angel food six I'm gonna go german chocolate no five.
Speaker 1No, I will come back to you. I'm gonna go coffee four. I'm gonna do cookie three. I'm gonna do funnel cake two and cheesecake one. I'm'm a big cheesecake fan.
Speaker 3Yeah, cheesecake is a good time All right.
Speaker 1So what are you going? We started disagree there, so you went bunt cake. Seven what are you going?
Speaker 3Six Bunt cake seven, six. So I cookie. Cake is just a cookie, so I don't feel like that even belongs. I like cookies too, but cookie is not even cake, so I don't feel like that even belongs. I like cookies too, but cookie is not even cake, so to me it doesn't even belong on this list.
Speaker 1I hated birthday cakes growing up, never liked them, thought the icing was always like way too like sweet or something, and so I would do cookie cakes up until like eighth grade and then I discovered cheesecake was a thing, and then I was like, oh, this beats cookie cake. So that's, I mean a cookie cake fan, but I just think funnel cakes are just awesome.
Speaker 3So, okay, yeah, funnel cakes are great, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do cheesecake as number one no, it's number one number one I'm going backwards now because I don't know how to, because I know the ones that I really like, and so the other ones are just gonna fall in line have you had a cheesecake from the sea house? I can't say I have, but I have been to the Seahouse. Yeah, I gotta try it.
Speaker 1Best cheesecake is at the Seahouse. Salted caramel is the best cheesecake I've ever had.
Speaker 3Let me see, because I would rather have coffee cake than cookie cake.
Speaker 1Coffee cake was four for me.
Speaker 3I like coffee cake One two, it'll be three for me.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 3I could maybe switch, switch the cookie cake there and then, and then four is gonna be funnel cake, five is cookie cake and then six will be.
Speaker 1Yeah, I guess what was?
Speaker 3two angel food cake two is german chocolate cake oh, no, no are we thinking of the same thing?
Speaker 1it's just like, like chocolate, chocolate on chocolate.
Speaker 3Oh my gosh, I love chocolate. Maybe because I'm a woman, Trent.
Speaker 1Jessie would pick that.
Speaker 3Yeah, she would pick that Sorry.
Speaker 1So we're going to do a countdown Least favorite to favorite. I'll go first, you go second. Okay, all right. So first is theapple dump cake. Carrot cake.
Speaker 2It's okay.
Speaker 1Birthday cake, bunt cake Okay, we're getting somewhere. Angel food cake, that's soft German chocolate cake. Chocolate's fine Coffee cake. Love me, some coffee and the cinnamon.
Speaker 3Are you thinking coffee cake isn't flavored like coffee?
Speaker 1no, it just goes with coffee cinnamon yeah, it's pretty cool, uh, cookie cake. I like me some cookies, um, you know what I've never had. So white chocolate macadamia nut cookies are my favorite but, most cookie cakes are chocolate chip. I'd like to have a white chocolate macadamia cookie cake I bet public's would do it for you. Probably. And then we get to funnel cake. Silver Dollar City reminds me of that. And then cheesecake, chocolate chip cheesecake or salted caramel cheesecake from the Seahouse. All right, come on, all right.
Speaker 3So, you're up. I got to say fruit cake, pineapple dump. I gotta say fruitcake, pineapple dump. Cake. Mid carrot cake, birthday cake. I can't count Bundt cake.
Speaker 2You didn't put numbers on it, I did, but it's hard for me to count backwards, maybe I'm just silly.
Speaker 3Okay, bundt cake, then angel food cake, then cookie cake, then funnel cake. Yeah, then coffee cake, then German check cake, and then cheesecake Cheesecake does win. Cheesecake does win Because there's no other, it's so good, yeah, yeah, and then cheesecake Cheesecake does win Because there's no other.
Speaker 1It's so good. Yeah, it is. So. Make sure Jaden takes you to the Seahouse and make sure you get a salted caramel piece of cheesecake. Oh, we will. It's the best. It's the best, okay. Topic of the day.
Speaker 3So speaking of cake, Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
Speaker 1Okay, so let's jump right into the topic. You're going to lead this part of the conversation. I shall.
Speaker 1You came up with questions about wedding ceremonies Because you're getting married, you've been through the premarital counseling process, you and your husband future husband, I should say have been through the counseling process with me and my wife, and so you got to hear a little bit of some thoughts about marriage, but we also worked on the wedding ceremony. So I thought you know what, why don't you ask some questions about wedding ceremonies to a pastor who's done a number of them? I've certainly not done as many as Bob, because of course more years Because of you know how old he is More years, more years as a pastor, more time to do weddings.
Speaker 1You're religious, but I've done a number of weddings. Years as a pastor, more time to do weddings, but I've done a number of weddings and so I thought, yeah, let's talk about it.
Speaker 3Yeah, all right. So we're going to start in this episode about wedding ceremonies. I think we've done a podcast about weddings, you and Bob have About weddings. Yeah, about weddings in general and what it looks like for you to prepare for a wedding and whatnot, and so I guess this can be a part two in some sense to that.
Wedding Ceremony Reflections and Preparation
Speaker 1Did you know? I did a wedding one time, um, where all the guys were wearing uh, camo and all the camo, like tuxes, and the ladies were wearing it was either like the orange right. Pink or a bright red. It was a very bright color.
Speaker 3You went to a wedding like that.
Speaker 1I offic to a wedding like that. I officiated a wedding like that.
Speaker 3You're about to go to another one. Are you guys wearing camo, jaden and all his? I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Speaker 1You know, like you know, he was a hunter, and that's just kind of what they like.
Speaker 3What if I was so offended?
Speaker 1Offended by what?
Speaker 3Because you were judging the camo.
Speaker 1No, and in Missouri a lot of people hunt. You see those online that people do that, but you don't see that very often.
Speaker 3You don't see camo suits very often. You saw it, I did. I was a part of a wedding, irl. Yeah, it was a marriage that you blessed, amen, yeah. Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 1All right, what questions do you have?
Speaker 3Okay, sorry. So for the first question, just as an officiant, what?
Speaker 1does a wedding day typically look like for you? Okay, so you're probably gonna ask some of these questions in the future, but there's not one wedding experience fits all, so it depends on when the wedding starting. The wedding is starting at three, like yours is, yeah, and we'll say it's on a Saturday, even though this is unique that it's on like yours is, and we'll say it's on a Saturday, even though this is unique, that it's on a Sunday.
Speaker 1We'll just act like it's on a Saturday Most weddings are, but I say that because I would already be here at the church in this occasion and so I'll stay at the church.
Speaker 1But if a wedding happens at three o'clock in the afternoon or two o'clock in the afternoon, I'll come a couple hours early just to make sure everything is set and ready to go. Here at our church we have a number of other people that are turning on screens and opening the doors and hosting the ladies who are potentially getting ready for the occasion at the venue. Different weddings call for different ways in which people get ready for them, so the ladies are usually getting ready at 7 am for a 3 o'clock wedding. The guys are still sleeping. They might start getting ready at 11 or noon, maybe after they eat, even Hannah's got a hen.
Speaker 1Okay, have you heard that?
Speaker 3No, Like fluff, their feathers and stuff.
Speaker 1No, I didn't know that. No, so guys don't have to do the makeup and the hair typically right.
Speaker 1Their hair is what their hair always is, which probably takes them five minutes if that. And getting dressed is just about pulling up your britches and putting on your shirt, right, so there's just a few more shirts you wear. So I get there a couple hours early. I'll go over my notes, I'll check in with the groom and the groom's men, anything you guys need, and yeah, that's pretty much. It Pretty easy. If there's a wedding coordinator, I'll check in with them. Hey, what am I missing? What do you guys need from me? I usually ask the question where's the marriage certificate? Just to make sure we have it. I've got some funny stories with that. But yeah.
Speaker 1For me, nothing starts really until about 30 minutes before the wedding, where I'm with the grooms. Groom, um, praying with the groomsmen typically, yeah, uh, and I'm just making sure that they know. Hey, about 30 minutes to show time. Uh, groom is probably going to walk out with me. Grooms men go over there and get with the bridesmaids or be where the bridesmaids are in 20 minutes.
Speaker 3Is that something that you typically do is go to the groom and the groom's and pray with them?
Speaker 1Yeah, almost everybody I've done. Yeah, that's very nice. I let them have their space because, like, it depends on if I know the groom or the groom's been well, if I know them well, I might hang out with them a little bit. I don't know them so much. I'll let them have some space. I usually know the groom, um, but sometimes they'll have family members that they don't get to regularly see. So I don't want to interfere with that. Just relationship dynamic, like if they have to entertain me for some reason. So I'll come in at some point in time and pray with them.
Speaker 3Okay, so then the ceremony starts. And then what are you? What are you thinking? Uh as you were in the center of the stage.
Speaker 1I'm thinking. No one's probably staring at me and so I'm usually not too nervous at all. Right, I've thought through diligently many times what I'm going to say during a wedding to try to keep it brief but keep it biblical and gospel-centered, and so I've kind of got a rhythm of what I say when I say it. So I'm not thinking too much about that. I'm looking at the groom a lot, making sure he's bending his knees about that. I'm looking at the groom a lot, making sure he's bending his knees genuinely. I'm looking at the groom so he doesn't faint.
Speaker 1I'm looking at the groom, look at the bride you get like an up close view. You're like right there it's the back of the head side of the face. But yeah, I do watch that I get to look at the bride is as quickly.
Speaker 1I get to look at the bride as quickly as he gets to look at the bride. So I'm seeing the bride, I'm seeing the groom, I'm seeing the bride, I'm scanning my eyes. How are they reacting? How are they looking at each other? Because I can see that she's looking at him. Yeah, sometimes, before the bride comes out, I'll whisper. So I whisper a couple of times on stage. People can hear that I'll say she's about to come, you can do this, or I'll say something like that.
Speaker 1I don't know, if you hear that she's about to come out, you can do this, or make sure you bend your knees Right, or it's almost time. I'll say some things like that so they can hear into the grooms. Yeah, so. So I don't whisper into the ear, but we're both in the stage, distanced from people, and so if, if, I know the groom.
Speaker 1I'll say some playful things like that that's like just to try to calm them down a little bit. You know, um, the truth is I'm going to be doing most of the the work of the order and so if I can kind of calm his nerves, he gets just to see his beautiful wife come out and gets to stand by his beautiful wife, and if I can try to calm his nerves, I'll try to calm his nerves. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3So, during the wedding ceremony, what are some scriptures that you typically gravitate towards to explain the marriage to the audience and what's going on Like while you're giving the message I know a lot of people talk about? You know Genesis 2, 124.
Speaker 1Well, don't take it, we'll talk about you know.
Speaker 3Genesis 2, 1-24, ecclesiastes, just some scriptures like 1 Corinthians and whatnot about love, I don't know. There's a bunch that I've heard in weddings. Which ones do you usually use to?
Speaker 1explain the message and everything.
Speaker 1Yeah. So two passages primarily. I don't have it in front of me, but two primary passages are Genesis 2, where God creates the man and for the first time he says not good. He creates the woman and he says very good, looking at all of his creation. And so there was something that the man lacked, he was deficient. He created a counterpart, a part of the man who was his counterpart, so that he might properly enjoy the life that God had given him and glorify the Lord. And so you can say, okay, man needs woman for marriage, and that is true if you're going to get married, a man and a woman. But also in the world that God has created us to cultivate, there are gifts that women have that are unique and different to men, and so a man does not have to be married to honor the Lord.
Speaker 1Paul never married, jesus never married. But in the world that God's created, a woman is needed. So in a marriage, if someone's going to commit their lives to one another, a wife is suited, built, created for the man, and vice versa. So I talk about Genesis, chapter 2. I talk about how Adam gets poetic all of a sudden. He's been naming elephant, giraffe and then he goes finally, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. She should be called woman, right? Which is this beautiful woman? Or beautiful moment where and?
Speaker 3a beautiful woman.
Speaker 1Well, he obviously thought so. Or he basically just says finally. And so I comment on the fact that Jaden, or the man is saying, finally, she's here, right, I've waited for this. And the father, like God, the father brings the woman to the man. Beautiful thing. Then I go to Ephesians five, which is commentary on that passage, which talks about marriage, how it was intended from the beginning of time to be a picture of Christ's love for his church, that the man would sacrifice himself for his wife and that the wife would submit herself to her husband. Kind of this beautiful relationship of selfless sacrifice and selfless service.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1So those are the two primary passages. And selfless service. So those are the two primary passages.
Speaker 1I also talk about a passage in Luke where Jesus hints at the fact that there is not going to be marriage in the new heavens and new earth. Like there is marriage on earth now and people would say, okay, why are you gonna bring that up in a wedding ceremony? It's just to say that the new heavens and new earth is a great picture there with Christ after he returns. It's like a big wedding feast, a big celebration, and we are the bride of Christ, the church. We're all waiting our groom to return to us on that great marriage supper of the Lamb, um, on that great marriage supper of the lamb. And so I say, okay, if there's not marriage in heaven, um, but there's this great marriage of the bride of Christ, the lamb.
Speaker 1This is intended to be just a like, a like, an appetizer for that supper. Like marriage is awesome. Like my wife and I have been married for almost 10 years and it's great, uh, like it doesn't come without difficulty, but it's great. Like it doesn't come without difficulty, but it's really good. And if it's that good, imagine how great then the marriage supper of the lamb is going to be, so it's like cheese curds before steak.
Speaker 2And cheese curds are really good yeah.
Speaker 3That's funny. I've heard you say that a number of times. It's very funny yeah.
Speaker 1Well, I bet it's at your wedding Cheese curds before steak.
Wedding Ceremony Gospel Message Influence
Speaker 3So, yeah, I think also, a wedding is very unique because, um, the bride and the groom have asked you know, all their relatives, their friends and and everyone to be there for them, and so it's. It's a bunch of people throughout different um phases of their life and so, um, that being said, how do you typically go about? I know it's very important to share the gospel in moments like that, because you have a lot of relatives and folks who might not usually even step foot in a church. So how would you typically, how do you typically go about sharing the gospel during a wedding ceremony?
Speaker 1It's a good question. So most people, whether or not they believe in Christ, can understand good love. Now, it might be limited, they may not be able to understand great love, like Christ's love, but good love. They know that it's a beautiful thing when a husband and wife are 80 years old still holding hands walking in the park, right. Beautiful thing when a husband and wife are 80 years old still holding hands walking in the park, right? Uh. They know it's a beautiful thing when, um, when, uh, uh, you know a husband or a wife has made a dumb mistake but asks for forgiveness and that relationship is reconciled and genuine and true and pure. They know, uh, it's a beautiful thing that, um, a man would step in front of a car for his wife or that a woman would want to rear children and want them to follow the good example of the father. They know these things are true and right and good, and so I will talk a lot about the man needs to sacrifice for his wife. The woman should serve and let her husband lead. That you should commit this day to forever be committed, that this is a day you'll look back on when you have bifocals right and a diner, and you'll remember all the hard times, but you'll also think about the grandkids that you guys get to see grow up.
Speaker 1That said, I'm actually pulling from different passages of scripture and then I go like Christ and then I talk about the gospel. Christ is not going to give up on you and so, because Christ has not given up on you, you don't give up on one another. Your marriage relationship is supposed to be influenced by Christ and also to show people what Christ is like. Just as Christ has forgiven you, you also forgive one another. Just as Christ was willing to lay down his own life so that you might have life, husband, you lay down your life every day, not just jumping in front of a car, but laying down your priorities, your aim, your ambition, so that she might thrive, so that she might grow, and so I relate that as much as I can. I pull from Bible passages, I go to the relationship with those Bible passages and how those relationships are actually the fruit of Christ's work and how they should point back to it. So, yeah, I think people can see good love. So I talk about good love to point to great love.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, that's so amazing. Yeah, yeah, have you ever? Have you ever this might be a strange question have you ever had someone come to Christ through a message or or whatnot that you've given at a wedding?
Speaker 1So I don't know um is the quick answer there? That's not to say no.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1It's to say that I don't have any sort of immediate altar call or response in a wedding right. The central part of a wedding is, of course, the commitment the two are making, but, by the grace of God, maybe what I've shared in the wedding has led to conversations with that married couple.
Speaker 1So maybe a cousin grew up in the church, left the church when they were in high school because their parents didn't really encourage it strongly. And now they're going to come back to the wedding, having left the church as a whole the capital C church and they're sitting there in the pew and they hear the gospel again. Maybe it's afresh, maybe the Lord opens their eyes to the truthfulness of the gospel for the very first time, and maybe a month later they ask the bride hey, I have questions about your relationship with the Lord and you and your husband's relationship with the Lord, and maybe, just maybe, the wedding sparked some of that.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah. I would be curious to even ask you that question like 20 years from now, if you've ever you know what I mean heard something back, because I know you're pretty young. I'd be interested to ask pastor Bob that question, if he's ever, you know, had someone talk to him, maybe even like years later, after a certain message that he's given at a wedding, and say that impacted me, to reconsider my faith or to trust the Lord.
Speaker 1Yeah, you know, and so I've said this before and I've added ushers in that list. Three of those groomsmen no longer follow Jesus, one of which was a youth pastor at the time. That individual is very vocal about not following. One of those individuals is very vocal about not following Jesus anymore the one that was a youth pastor. And yet one of those guys is probably going to get married in the next few years. Another one of the guys who is a believer one of my groomsmen and that other groomsman who has left the faith will be at that wedding, no doubt, and that will probably be the first time he's heard the gospel in a while. And so you know, I would just say to the person leading the wedding ceremony you know, you don't have to have an altar call at a wedding.
Speaker 2The point is the wedding.
Speaker 1But I mean there could be an opportunity that someone, the Lord in his kindness, opens their eyes.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's so cool, so cool. Another question I don't know how long we're running on time.
Speaker 2I have no idea.
Speaker 3Okay, I wasn't keeping track of that either, but I do have a few more questions for you.
Speaker 1If that's all right, I'll try to answer them more briefly.
Speaker 3Yeah, no worries, no, I like, I like the discussion. So far it's been good. Um, so, in your opinion, what is a component that you feel all weddings should have? It can be like purely your opinion, Cause you know there's a general structure, but then like are you ever like, wow, I think that every wedding they should watch each wash each other's feet. I think that every wedding they need to do the little sand thing you know what I mean, or like what, what components of a wedding?
Wedding Ceremony Components and Receptions
Speaker 3or do you think they should have worship at every single wedding? I mean like it is worship, but the songs, and that brings people together. So, of all the different things that you've seen because you've been to way more weddings than I have what do you feel like all weddings should have?
Speaker 1Yeah, this might end up being like a ranking by opinion, and this is merely opinion, I think I could argue, not an opinion to have the gospel shared. And so if we were putting that aside and just looking, at the elements.
Speaker 3All Christian weddings, I guess.
Speaker 1Yeah, so. So, two things, that two things we're going to assume. So the two things we're going to assume is that the gospel is shared and there are promises made, yeah, so vows and ring promises, that I do, right. So, putting those aside, which are, and I think, in every wedding, well, the gospel is not in every wedding, but the I do is in every wedding and the gospel, clearly presented, yeah, does worship. So maybe say what do you think about this? You know, and go down the line, I don't know. So how to say this worship and song great, not necessary, okay, but great, great. We had two songs in our wedding. Encouraged the congregation to sing one of them, okay, but great, great. We had two songs in our wedding. Um, uh, encourage the congregation to sing one of them.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Um, it was, uh, how deep the father's love for us. That was a congregational one. My favorite song, um, lyrically, Uh, and then um, an old song by Charlie Hall names called center, oh Christ, be the center of my life or our lives. Um, it's called center, oh Christ, be the center of my life or our lives. Great, not necessary Sand, eh, it's okay. So in every wedding there's sometimes like a symbolic portion of a wedding where someone might tie a rope or build a cross or put sand together or wash each other's feet or participate in Lord's Supper together. You know I could rank those. None of them are necessary by any means. My favorite of those the feet.
Speaker 1I'm not a feet guy, so I think that's probably the best picture. Let's be fair, I think that's the best picture. Is I'm here to serve you? So I think that's the best picture. Is I'm here to serve you, um? So I think that's the best picture. Uh, the Lord's supper. So I I share this with couples who I marry.
Speaker 1I'm not comfortable officiating the Lord's supper, um, in a wedding ceremony. Uh, I think the Lord's supper is um is given to a local church body at a wedding ceremony. Uh, you know, there might be people of that local church there who are not able to be invited because of numbers or because that couple doesn't know them. There are also people that I don't know who might be partaking in the Lord's Supper. If it's a communal Lord's Supper, if the bride and groom are just taking the Lord's Supper, I struggle with that because the Lord's Supper is a meal that's supposed to be a community meal. That's supposed to be a community meal. So I usually say from the get-go hey, I know some weddings do this. I'm just not personally comfortable with it. My conscience prohibits me from doing it. Yeah, I think did I answer that question well?
Speaker 3Well, I said what's in your opinion, what's a component that you feel a wedding should have. So, all the ones that you don't like aside, what are? Things that you're like every wedding should have this, because I mean, after Danielle and Lane's wedding, I was like I got to add another worship song. I had one. I was like that was so beautiful, so I should add another song.
Speaker 2Yeah so the wedding is a celebration.
Speaker 1I like worship. Yeah, I don't know that it has to have it. I'm struggling to say like it has to have it, but gospel promises worships. Third, that'd be third, but third is starting to be not necessary.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1No, I mean like well, this is your opinion, yeah, so so all weddings should have that. I wouldn't even say should. I would say that's the best of what of what?
Speaker 3Okay, yeah, Got it Got it, no worries at all. Um, all right.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2One more thing.
Speaker 1Okay, I like I got. I got another thing that I'll say Okay, cause I think this is maybe the category you want me to say so worship, beautiful, not essential. Giving away of the bride another beautiful, not essential thing. So there might be some circumstances where the families are not comfortable doing that, and I get that, but I think that's a beautiful thing where the father gives away the bride to say, okay, I've been given spiritual oversight as this young woman's father. I'm now giving that spiritual oversight over to her husband that he would be the steward of her faith as she pursues the Lord personally.
Speaker 1So, yeah, that's a beautiful thing. I bring it from Genesis 2 that the father actually presents the bride to the husband.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's good Okay.
Speaker 1Do you, as an officiant, typically go to wedding receptions? Yeah, depends, depends on a lot of factors, right, a whole lot of factors. So I would say my wife and I have been to about generally about 50 to 60% of receptions of weddings that I performed or officiated. Um depends on our kids. We've got two kids, um, who barely make it through a wedding ceremony, but can, uh, depends on, okay, are we gonna have to find out sitters? Are we gonna have to travel? Are we going to? Um, what's going on the day before and the day after? Um, you know it depends on, okay. Uh, you know, can we swing this with other things that we've already said we're going to do. Um, what's the reception going to be like?
Speaker 3right. Are we going to fit?
Speaker 1in well with the reception, like, for example, like, is it going to be a lot of family members and then us, um, is it going to be a lot of people from our church? Uh, that you know it might be a good thing to go and and and try to make an effort to to do that. If I can, um, can we go to a part of it and then make sure we get home early enough to relieve our sitter or bring the kids home because they staying out late and things like that? Um, you know atmosphere, so atmosphere, distance, uh, um, expectation of the couple, uh and um, and you know just, our family and circumstances, our family circumstances, yeah, yeah, they all play into that.
Speaker 3Yeah, do you ever feel uncomfy as a pastor, going to the wedding Like everyone's looking? At you knowing that you just married the couple and they're like watching to see if you drink anything or or what you ever feel strange about that um or just kind of like, I mean, I'm here just just trying to have a good time you know, most, most receptions like, uh, that of weddings that I've officiated.
Speaker 1If they have me do anything at the reception, they have me pray After that. I feel like I'm a participant. I try to give off the vibe though I hate that phrase. I try to give off the vibe that I am just, even though I'm a pastor and I've officiated a wedding, I am a member of a church. I am a Christian struggling with sin as any other person would. I'm a normal person, right with sin as any other person would.
Speaker 1Um, I'm a normal person, right? Like, like, I'm not, I'm not stuffy. Uh, that doesn't mean that I can, you know, in my own conscience, do everything that everybody else is going to do. But, um, I'm, I'm happy to be a participant, to dance with my wife to. Uh, I'm a Baptist who will dance with my wife, right? So I'll watch. I'll watch everybody else. I'll cringe at some toasts that are made, you know, like everybody else, yeah, you know or laugh at toasts that are made, or smile at toasts that are made, or cry I am known to be an emotional person, so potentially cry Cool.
Speaker 3I was just curious about that.
Speaker 1I'm thinking more into like Some pastors are uncomfortable with drinking alcohol. Yeah, some are uncomfortable or not uncomfortable. Um, it depends on the conscience of the pastor and his leadership. Um, I'm not uncomfortable in the room unless you know people are, are are getting drunk, um, uh, in such a way that it would um, it would um, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm thinking more towards like the, the whole, I mean out of the ceremony and whatnot, like the whole wedding day. A lot of people say that you don't really remember your wedding day. Um, and I hear that and like, as I'm planning for my wedding, you won't remember what I say.
Speaker 1You'll remember. You might because I've talked to you about it so much in premarital counseling, but I don't remember anything. Corey said and I love Corey who married us yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, a lot of people say like the entire day like just flies by, like you don't even you know, and and like, as I'm planning for the wedding, I know people mean it to be encouraging. Like you know, this doesn't matter that much. Like it's fine. But also, as I'm planning for the wedding, I'm like well, I want it to be special, I want this to happen, I want that to happen. And maybe that's silly, I don't know, but I do want to ask is there a component?
Speaker 1of your wedding that you remember being like, so special or something like that.
Speaker 2We've been going 41 minutes.
Speaker 1It's not as bad as I thought. I just looked down, I forgot it does count here. Um so, uh. So maybe a few more questions. So is there a component I remember?
Speaker 1So here's the thing there are pieces, there are multiple pieces in that day. There is the standing piece on the stage. There is the reception piece, there is the transition pieces where you might be getting pictures taken of you guys. There's the piece of getting ready, there's the piece of driving with your now husband away from the crowd. There's the piece of running out through the crowd or walking out through the crowd. So there's all these pieces and you'll remember the pieces. You just might not remember things inside those pieces. The things that you will probably remember is how you felt and how people made you feel, and maybe a few conversations that you had. So when I was getting ready, I remember that with my guys, when I was staring at my bride, I remember that feeling. I remember what I said to her that the officiant could hear but no one else could. I remember looking at her and crying. I remember dancing with my mom for the mother son dance.
Speaker 1Uh, I remember, uh, some of the driving away. I remember of having to clean off all of the things that was written all over my car you know as the grooms would do and I remember like I'm going to pop all the balloons so that we could actually sit in there, and I remember all of those things. Um, I remember our drive from, uh uh, columbia, missouri, to Kansas City, missouri, two hours from, like I don't know, 1130 PM to like 1, 32 AM, and it was storming and we couldn't see well, and we were both falling asleep at the wheel and having to, like, go run into a gas station and get a, a red bull, just to stay awake to get to our hotel. So like, there were things like that. I remember I was sick, which didn't help. Um, I had uh, bronchitis and uh and a sinus infection and so, um, I was dealing with that. But yeah, yeah, I remember a lot of those things okay, yeah, that's cool, yeah's cool.
Speaker 1Yeah, I don't remember, like, here's the thing. I remember the dancing portion, but I don't remember much of the reception, like we ate. I don't remember much of the eating, or the cake, the cake sharing thing. Um, I remember talking to different people at their tables, like we walked around and talked to people but I don't remember like really even setting up their meeting, because I think we did for five, 20, five to 10 to 15 minutes, maybe 20.
Speaker 3Okay cool.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's very nice. Remember segments and some things inside.
Speaker 3That's good.
Speaker 1Relating usually to people.
Speaker 3That's good. I like that Cause a lot of I feel like a lot of people are just like the whole day went past.
Speaker 1You won't remember much of what I say, which is okay. You won't remember much of what happens on stage. You'll remember how they look.
Speaker 2You'll remember how that moment feels.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, cool, all right.
Speaker 3Any other questions?
Speaker 1Do you want me to ask another question? No, you can ask one more. I can ask one more. Do you have one?
Speaker 3more.
Speaker 1I do have one more Is it one you are you scared to ask it?
Speaker 3No, I'm not scared to ask it, but it has less to do with, I guess, the wedding ceremony and more to do with just marriage in general.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3So my last question for you is after Sunday, Jade and I are going to wake up and we are going to be married.
Speaker 1It's weird, yeah, real weird.
Speaker 3Ceremony will be over.
Speaker 1I mean awesome.
Sanctifying and Joyful Blessing of Marriage
Speaker 3Nothing to plan for. Yeah, weird, yeah, it'll be weird, and we will have made this commitment the day before to one another and to the Lord. Um, and there is, there's aspects of that that seem very scary. You know it's like whoa seem very scary, you know it's like Whoa. I have to be here for this person, I have to be vulnerable with this person. That's a that's a lot of you know. I've been after the wedding and after the ceremony, like it's just all of those things you know, and so I have reasons that that I know I'm like I want to get married, I want to marry Jaden, you know.
Speaker 1That's a good. I'm glad you do. It's your bachelor.
Speaker 3But to a lot of people and to a lot of my friends. Some people tell me they'll be like I don't want to get married because it's a lot, it's too much, and so why should people? Like I said, I have answers to this.
Speaker 1This would be a long list of reasons, I know I know.
Speaker 3But what would you say just off the cuff, like why should someone desire marriage? Why should someone desire to be married, Because you and Jesse have been married almost 10 years. You said and it's you know. So why is it a good thing to desire like no ceremony, no nothing, but like to be married to?
Speaker 1someone to have that commitment. Well, not everyone has to get married. No one should feel constrained to get married as if it's necessary at a biblical level or at a human flourishing level. The Bible gives space for that in 1 Corinthians 7. But if your reasoning is so that I can enjoy my life and don't have to be tied down, I would push back on that, and I'll push back on it just to say, okay, there is joy in marriage, even though it can be difficult.
Speaker 1I'll say this marriage is a very sanctifying thing. Um, so you're living with someone who is also a center, just a really pretty one, right? Uh? And so you learn each other's strengths and weaknesses, uh, you know how to get on each other's nerves and sometimes, and sometimes you use that which is awful, and so the Lord sanctifies your heart through the giving of your heart. So I would say, like, if you, in serving the Lord, find someone who is also serving the Lord and you are physically and spiritually attracted to them, there's nothing wrong in getting married. The Lord will use that in profound ways to shape you in his likeness, and it's going to be a lot of fun, right? I'm not saying you can't have fun outside of a marriage.
Speaker 1I am saying God created it for your joy. But if the Lord calls you to the mission field and you feel like you know I'm concerned from a wife's safety for that reason, I think that's fewer and far between that someone might feel that particular calling and not burn with passion, then that person can go and serve in the mission field. But if you burn with, if you're pursuing the Lord, you find someone beside you is pursuing the Lord and you just can't keep your mind off of them. Marry him.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's a beautiful good thing. It's very nice.
Speaker 3I think it's funny how you called called Jesse pretty sinner.
Speaker 1Well, whether she would call, whether she would call me a pretty, I don't know hope handsome. Definitely a sinner so.
Speaker 3I hope she listens to this she does listen to the podcast, that's actually really romantic. I feel like she's such a pretty cause it's. It's. I mean, yeah, you're getting married to another center. It's. Yeah, that's real. That's why it's so funny though.
Speaker 1Yeah, you said something, I'll just comment on it real fast. So, um, jesse and I have two kids, especially with the first one. When you're in the hospital after your wife has delivered a baby, you're checking on your wife, but the doctors will come in. Nurses will come in and check on your wife for things you wouldn't know. If she's okay, has she had enough fluids? I don't know right, she drank some water. They'll check on the baby.
Speaker 1Was the baby doing this or this, I don't know. She drank some water. They'll check on the baby. Was the baby doing this or this? I don't know. I've never done this before. And then you get home and you're like with your baby and you're like what do we do Tonight? We're going to go to sleep and there's no one waking us up and waking the baby up every three hours. Now you'll learn that the baby does wake up every three hours and will cry and tell you what it needs or that it needs something. He or she needs something.
Speaker 1But it's like this precious gift God has given you that you don't know yet how to steward. That's the same thing in marriage For like a year. It's going to be weird saying you're a husband or you're a wife, or I have a wife, or I have a husband. But God is not only going to sanctify you through the marriage, he's going to sanctify you in learning how to be married. Like that's a weird thing, right? And so they depend on you, you depend on them.
Speaker 1One more quick thing. I'm rambling here. I'm rambling here. But if you practice marriage before you're married meaning you live with someone or you're intimate with someone, whatever there's much to be said about that and much to be said about that being sin and also there being grace and repenting of that. I'm just saying this there is a beautiful blessing inside the covenant of marriage with the vulnerability that's in it. It's like you are being incredibly vulnerable. This person knows you more than any other person, but it's covered by the covenant you made with them, and so you have this like a blessed vulnerability that is covered by a covenant where, like, I know you more than anybody else, but I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, right, and I mean, what does Christ say? I know you more than anybody else but I'm not going anywhere.
Wedding Ceremony Question and Answer
Speaker 1Yeah Right, yeah, yeah yeah. That's just something to think about.
Speaker 3Well, thanks, hey, thanks for thanks for joining me on this episode and letting me ask you very many questions about, about wedding ceremonies. What are you looking for? Yay? Thanks so much, Trent, for answering all of the questions so grateful.
Speaker 1Yeah, thanks for asking them. Thanks for joining me in the podcast. Absolutely Thanks for leading the questions and stuff like that.
Speaker 3Absolutely hey. Next, when you guys hear this, this episode will be released and I will be in the middle of getting married. Oh, they're like yeah, oh the music. That's all beautiful, great job, phenomenal. Bye.
Speaker 1Have a great time.
