Step Mom Life, let's talk about it W/Jamie Scrimgeour

Being a step-parent is hard and there aren't a lot of resources out there. Jamie Scrimgeour has been in your shoes and wanted to change that. Jamie wanted to redefine stepmotherhood. If you are asking yourself "how do I manage being a stepmom?" or "how can I be a good stepmom?" this episode is for you.

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Did you love this episode? BUY ME A COFFEE for support!

Find me on Instagram
@balkanina
@mamaknowspodcast

Find me on TikTok
Balkanina

Subscribe to my Newsletter

Private Facebook Motherhood-Podcast Community
Mama Knows FB

Disclaimer: This podcast does not provide any medical advice, it is for informational purposes only!

Transcript

Step parenting and co-parenting are such important topics. And I feel like whenever you hear about those topics, you hear the negative things. I'm really excited to talk to Jamie today about step parenting. Setting a healthy foundation in your home to have a good relationship with not only your stepkids, but also the biological parent. So let's dove in. Jamie, thank you so much for being here. I'm seriously so excited to talk to you. I feel like this is such an important topic. Talking about step moms and co-parenting so important. And you're like the expert in this area, at least for me. So tell me a little bit about yourself and how you got into the social aspect of sharing step mom life. Yeah. So how did this all start? Well, I think it all starts the way that most of us start a business and start a platform. We just end up realizing there's a gap. Right. So, you know, I'll give you the, like, short and long story. So I was 27 years old, 26, 27 years old, accidentally fell in love with a single dad with three kids. And I say accidentally because I was a child of divorce and worked at in Children's Aid. So I dealt with this in my personal and professional life. And it was this is not in my five year plan. Right? Like, yeah, thanks, but no thanks. It's just a little too complicated. But we just kind of I was all in like on our third date. I was like, I'm going to marry this man. And I'm so became a stepmom, went all in. We have a 13 year age difference which added this extra element of me almost like feeling like I needed to try to prove that I could do this because everyone was like, Does she know what you're signing up for? And I was like, Yeah, like, this is no big deal. I can do this. Like, I do it at work. Like, by the way, I had no fricking clue. 27 is young. I can't even imagine having to like parent three kids right off the go. I know I look back and I'm like, What the heck was I thinking? Because I lived in a city, I was single doing my thing, and then I moved to a hamlet. We have a wheat field, a fair backyard, like, totally just like uprooted my life. And so we kind of, like, had a good thing going. The kids were great, but I was just really struggling. And I, you know, you go in from 0 to 3 kids and at that point they were like five, eight and ten. It's like moving to China. And all of a sudden is this huge culture shock. So things were good trying to be the perfect mom and perfect stepmom and just have all the answers. But inside I was fricking screaming, but I didn't want to tell anyone I was screaming because then they would have been right. Right. Like the age difference, all the things. So I went to the Internet for support and there was just, oh, well, there wasn't a lot of support. And anything that was on there was, you know, bashing me ex or like venting about your stepkids and like being super negative and like getting into like the ex-wife, you know, mom. So the ex-wife, stepmom battles and turf war and I was just like, this is not healthy. This is not productive. So I just basically started to kind of dove in and do the work on my own, started a blog, didn't think anyone would read it. The power of SEO is like pretty crazy because I would start to get stepmom's from all over the world messaging meeting. Like Thank you for saying what we're thinking and it's really just snowballed from there. So and others, the podcast, the membership coaching, all the things it's great. Love it. So crazy. I love it. It's just blows my mind that you were 27 injured and all this kind of thing. So it was such a baby. Like, it's so impressive, right? Yeah. Your husband's a lucky guy. You found a good time on that time that. So let's dove in. Let's talk about boundaries. I love talking about boundaries as a step mom. What are and how do you identify the roles and boundaries as a stepmom? So like how do you know what your role is and where do you set the boundary? Mm hmm. Yeah, well, I guess it's like you don't know, right? And that's the think. So I'm really about know there's no one size fits all to step family life. Right? So so many different dynamics like the role that the ex is playing, like the relationship with the ex, how the step kids are, you know, adjusting to life with you. If you've come in with kids like you know, what works for one stepfamily does not work for another, right? Like, so you really have to find out what works for you. But when it comes to like setting those boundaries, I think it's really important to just be like, is this working? Like, is what I'm doing working? Is it like, how is my mental health like? Is my involvement here impacting my ability to show up? Is it helping the situation? You know, I think a lot of step moments will come in and be like, I'm just going to fix everything, right? Like they insert themselves into all of these issues and, you know, that backfires more times than not, right? Like dealing with the acts and that kind of stuff. If you don't have a positive relationship, you really shouldn't be having a relationship at all, in my opinion. And so I think it's really about kind of this like trial and error and always like checking in with yourself and your family and being like, okay, how is this going right now? Right? Because you could have a stepmom who talks to the kid's mom all the time and does a lot of like co-parenting with them. Or you could have one who has like nothing to do with them. And both of those are healthy relationships in those situations. Right? So it's really about just get going slow getting your feet wet, seeing, seeing what's working, what's not. And so so you have a relationship where you really love this guy and he's got these kids and the bio mom is involved, very involved. But you don't know what your role is, but you're the partner or the boyfriend doesn't know how to involve you and is not good at the confrontation of it all. So you as the step, I mean, at this point, I guess your dad, the girlfriend, right. You're not the stepmom yet. What how do you identify your role? I do talk to them. And what if they're not open to giving you roles and giving you kind of the idea of what they're expecting out of you? So how do you approach that? Do you say, hey, let's say I am like, I want to be part of this. What do I do? And then they say, I don't know. Yeah, like the grunts, right? The grunt response, you know, first of all, I think if your partner and you're dating someone and they're not open to having conversations about the role that you're going to play in this family, that's a sign. You know, you may want to just be like, oh, okay, we can't talk about the hard stuff because that could trickle into so many other areas. But I think it is really important to have these conversations and be like, okay, how is our family going to work? Like how do you see this playing out? And then talking about like, what's what you're scared of? Right. And I think a lot of stepmom go in and they feel like they can't talk to their partner about how they may be struggling or issues that are coming up. And here's the thing. Struggles that Stepmom have, it's not normalized in our society. So for someone to be dating, someone with kids and they're like, oh, my gosh, I cannot wait for their kids to go back. Like This is super overwhelming. I just really want some alone time, right? You say that out loud and you're judged, right? But then you have like a mom. If she's like, Oh, I'm just looking for some alone time and feeling overwhelmed with the kids, they'd be like, Oh, you deserve it. You know, you self care. Like you got to make sure you're taking care of yourself, right? So there's this huge double standard and I think it's really important in your relationship to start talking about what this is going to look like early on. Did I do that now? Did it cause issues? Absolutely. It's probably why I ended up starting this platform in the first place. Right. So, you know, you you just really need to be able to have those conversations. And it takes a bit because often when you're struggling or they're feeling like they have to keep the ex happy and they have to keep you happy, and they're like really kind of like trying to keep the peace step. Mums will feel like they're not being heard and they don't matter and that's not necessarily the truth. So I think like communication is such a key component and a successful step family life and it's trial and error like Darren and I've had a lot of blowouts over like, yeah, what's working, what's not but you really have to keep coming back because it's something you have to talk about and it will change too. Your involvement will change. Yeah, exactly. Your role will evolve. So you touched on self-care a little bit. So as a step mom or I kind of want to talk to I want to talk to the audience. It's not necessarily the step mom yet. Like they're the girlfriend of someone. What is the label for that? I mean, I put a label on things, but like the stuff, there's no label really. You're the girlfriend. The girlfriend? Yeah. So the girlfriend of the person with kids. So how do you cope with the pressure of being that step mom and what are some things that you can do for self care to take care of yourself? Because like you said, people judge you, right? If you need a break, people judge you for it. Whereas me, the other day I was like, I can't wait to get my kids to daycare. I'm so sick of the. Yeah, well, like, I talk about this all the time. So say you're March break with your kids, right? And say you went to Facebook like in the days of like updating your Facebook status every day you're you update your Facebook status and you're like, I can't wait for the kids to go back to school like this. Mama is tired and done right post status. Yeah. If I was to go do that and right like oh my gosh, I cannot wait for my step kids to go back to school on Monday. Like I'm freaking done with March break. Then the response would be well she knew what she was signing up for. Yeah, right, right, right. Like, I don't know about you. Did you know what you're signing up for when you, like, went into motherhood like this? You know how this would feel. No, you don't know what you're signing up for until you're already signed up, right? Like, yeah, I have an idea. But so, you know, I think to answer your question about self-care, it's like if you're not taking care of yourself as a mom, as like anyone in any stressful situation, you just don't have the bandwidth to deal with the stressful stuff in life, right? So it's like, you know, you know the analogy when like everything's happening, like there's all these like little things as a mom and then like all of a sudden the mom loses her crap about there's like a sock on the floor, and then the mom looks like she's crazy because she's freaking out over a sock, but she's not freaking out over a sock. She's freaking out over the hundred other things, right? Like you build up. It's like that in step parenting, right? Like if you're not taking care of yourself, working out journaling, like I started journaling when I first started to become a stepmom and it has saved my marriage. It has been like the best self-care thing for me and like that kind of stuff, meditating, seeing your friends, going to yoga, like make sure you keep doing you when you walk in the house and you're not used to kids like leaving messes everywhere, you are less likely to lose your mind over like all the dishes in the sink when you're taking care of yourself, like you have the ability to deal with that, you're less stressed out over lawyers letters, you're less stressed out over or over like all of the extra stress. So, you know, self-care is so huge for me. Like, it is just just part ingrained in me now. Like it's not even something I have to label, but our stressors are the very same as they were when Darren and I first got together in some way, shape or form, like they evolved. But my ability to deal with them now after doing all of this work on myself is just completely different. So it feels completely different. Yeah, I love that that's so important. I mean, step mom or not, self-care is is king, right? Like you can't do much without taking care of yourself. First, I want to talk about bio moms and the mom of the kids. You know, how do you build a relationship with the bio mom and have it be respectful? And I know you said that sometimes you can be close and other relationships you don't talk at all. So how do you how do you decide and where do you begin? Yeah, you know, this is super complicated. Right. And you'll see you'll see these viral posts go on Facebook. Right. Like the stepmom and mom at the hockey game with like the matching jerseys and like all these things. And it's so amazing when that happens, but it takes two people to be in a very secure place in order to have that happen. Right. And it can take a bit. And so as a step mom, I think it's really important to respect that bio mom may not be in the place to accept you yet. Right. There is a grieving process that happens when you get divorced. And so she may not want to be with your your partner or maybe she does like, but you represent what she wanted for her life. Right. Even if you don't want to be with your partner, you you wish you weren't getting divorced. You know, it can be very hard to have that reminder. So I think it's really important to accept where they're at and their journey and their process. And if they're in a place where you guys can have a healthy relationship or if you're in the place where you can have a healthy relationship and aren't feeling like this competition and insecurity and like all of these things, then that's amazing. But I think it's really important to be checking in with yourself and being like, okay, is this working? Like, is this affecting my ability to show up as my best? Right? Like, if you're constantly being triggered, then it might be healthier for everyone to take some space and have your partner take the lead. Mm Yeah. So open communication with your partner and knowing where you stand as far as that, how do you handle conflict between bio parents as a stepmom? Do you step in, do you not? At what point do you like speak up about what your beliefs are? Yeah, well, so it's interesting. I was just going through our office the other day and we had had like all these things we documented and emails printed out and like all these things that we thought we would need someday, which we don't, because they're not even actually that important. And just like arguments over expenses and, you know, all of that stuff, because when you're in a blended family, nothing is simple, right? Like even buying a winter coat, you have to agree on everything and I saw these emails that I had written back in the day, and I had one day inserted myself into their conflict and just shared my opinion because I thought, you know, this is my partner. I need to share how I'm feeling. I need to stick out for him. I have the ability to, like, make this better. Like I need to do all these things. Holy shit. Was I ever out of line? Like, so out of line, right? Like, I think it's really important to understand that you can be a support behind the scenes, right? And if there is conflict and you sometimes inserting yourself, you can come in as a mediator. Sometimes that works. That's worked for us at times. But if you're just like ganging up on them or it's like sharing your opinion or want to say your piece like got a journal, right? Like rip in your journal and get it out there. Because putting yourself into their conflict, it is not helping. Like when stepmom comes in and is like telling her everything that she thinks about how she's parenting and dealing with all these issues. Do you think she's be like, Oh yeah, you're right. Like, I should totally change my tune, right? You know, the goal is to have like a cordial relationship if you have conflict. Yeah, it kind of reminds me of even like mother in law and daughter in law, like my husband and his mom when they're having their own, whatever conflict I used to, you know, we all grow, right? I used to always feel like I needed to insert myself. And now I'm just like, you know what you do? You like, I'll be right here if you need me. You do. You take care of it. Yeah. Like there's been times when I've let my partner handle it and there's been times when I've inserted myself and it's worked. There's been times when I've been started myself and it made things 100 times worse. And I had to check myself because all of those scenarios, what that was doing was depleting me. I was feeling so overwhelmed because I don't know about you, but if there's conflict, if I'm struggling with something, it is all I could think about all day. For some reason, my my partner can just shut it off. He can, like, compartmentalize things, but I will just ruminate on it. And so me ruminating it, it was on it was like basically what we were talking about was self-care. I'm just I don't have the bandwidth to deal with extra stress and I'm not showing up as the mom. I want to be the stepmom. I want to be the partner. I want to be like I'm I'm consumed. So I really just had to take myself out of everything. And it's interesting. I'm a control freak, so I thought that would really bother me. But it's blissful, right? Like I said, I'm good. I'm here. I'm a support behind the scenes. Yeah. So how do you check yourself when you're in the place of like you're so annoyed with what's going on and you know, it could be different. You have this opinion and you feel like both of them are acting crazy. How do you check yourself and decide like, I'm not going to say anything even if it's eating at you? Yeah, well, I'll say something to my partner. I'll say something to my partner and be like, okay, this is the strategy here, right? Like, let's, let's just take a step back, right? So I think it's about kind of checking in with what's going on in your home, but telling her what she's doing wrong and like how she can, you know, make things better. It's not going to be received that well. Like I'm doing a mastermind right now with a bunch of diamonds. And we were saying she's like, Well, I just can't stand how I know it could be done a better way. So I'm trying to, like, get the ax to see that this can be done in a better way. And I said, Well, how's that going? She's a terrible she's not she doesn't see my point, like, okay, how many times have you tried to get her to see your point? She's like so many, like four years. Well, like, at some point, we need to be like, okay, she's never going to see your point. She sees things differently, like, kind of back up sometimes. No relationship is the healthiest relationship. Mm Yeah. And then what about when you're in that negative like mindset of, oh, I can't stay and her, she drives me nuts, blah blah blah. How do you remove yourself from that negativity? Because let's be honest, like we all get there, right? We all sometimes just need to vent. Do you vent to your partner? Do vent to a friend. How do you get out of that negative mindset? Yeah. So going to my partner and I will have conversations for sure, but it's really easy to get into that spot where you guys are just like constantly talking about it and that's not healthy, right? And that's actually why I ended up creating my community, the exclusive STEM community. So there's a forum in there where you can connect off social media because no one wants their post to be seen on Facebook, right? Like, no, that just makes things worse. Just like a place where you can get positive solution focused support that's really, really helpful. But finding people who got it right. So there's going to be people who just don't understand what it's like to be a stepmom. You can't understand unless you're a stepmom. So it's like a new mom going to their friend who is still in partying mode and been talking about how overwhelmed they are with the baby. Like they're not going to get it right. So finding people in your life who understand what it's like and who can support you in that way. But the big thing I found that's really helpful is to be like, okay, what is this? Actually about? And when you're triggered by the acts or anything, really, it's often because you're scared of something, some old insecurities are creeping up, like really diving into what is happening underneath, right? So if you're triggered about how she's parenting, it's like, okay, well, why does it matter to you? Why do you care? Right? Like what? Like what is the fear here? Like, is it true? Right. Well, we'll find ourselves and we're like ruminating and telling ourselves these stories that are not even true. You know, like five years from now, will it matter that, you know, at your house they can they eat all organic. And at her house, like sometimes they have mac and cheese, like everyone has to gets to parents the way that they want to parent. And I find a lot of stepmothers really get caught up in things like don't actually matter because you feel like you have a loss of control. And that's what it's really about. Right. The funniest thing, though, is that I find a lot of control freaks. People who struggle with control and perfectionism becomes that moms, it's like the universe is like a there's a lesson here. Let's put you in a situation where you just you learn that you control everything, right? Yeah. I feel like I would have a really hard time being a step mom or sharing my kids because I have that control issue. But this is how I want my kids spoken to, you know. And what are things that are non-negotiable or is that is that like up to each family dynamic or what are like things that you believe are non-negotiable where you all have to be on the same page? Well, there's nothing like we don't you don't ever have to be on the same page. If you really think about it. Yeah, ideally you're on the same page. Ideally, you're raising kids with similar values and manners, rules, expectations, all those things. But you don't have to like there's no legal obligation because like, let's think about this. This is actually a legal obligation. Now you are co-parenting together where you are raising kids together. So that's the hardest pill to swallow to write. Like you get to decide how things are done in your home with your partner and focus on the vibe in your house. And you know, at the end of the day, they get to decide how things go over there. If you can communicate and do that in a way that's aligned, that's amazing and that's ideal. But there's nothing that has to be because that's where you like, have this. I, there's this code I always share. I don't even know who it's by, but it's, you know, the secret to happiness is accepting things as they are, not how you think they should be. And that's where a lot of statements get caught up, right? Like the moms should be dressing the kids this way or the mom should be putting this in there. Like it's all about how they think kids should be raised. But realistically, it's like if their kids right, like they it to the side and every parent has different values and different ways of doing things. So it's this this like journey of letting go of control and focusing on what really matters and how you want to show up as a support in this dynamic, whatever that looks like for you. Yeah. Yeah. But as far as like the bio mom, bio dad who are no longer together, there should. Do you think there should be some non-negotiables? Like I'm thinking like physical punishment, use of car seat, like safety things, things like that. Like and I know the stuff like you're speaking from a step perspective, whereas like you really, you know, you really are just kind of there to support your partner and you can tell them your opinion. But as far as like I don't know if you have any examples of this, but you know, you have these groups. But how do you what's your role in that when, say, my my partner, who has their stepkids and the mom or the dad or whatever is using physical punishment. And I don't agree with that. I you know, what do you do there? Well, always you want to have a conversation, right? Like as an instance, you want to be aligned. You want to find a way to have those similar values. But there are a lot of situations where that's just not the case. Right. It goes on deaf ears, like obviously that's a great thing. But, you know, when it comes to physical punishments, like, okay, well, is there a child protection concern here? Right? Like a car seat? Is there a child protection concern here? Like when I'm thinking like extreme examples. Right. But, you know, you want to be on the same page, but you're not always going to be. And, you know, some maybe you don't feel like it's appropriate for your kid to be staying home alone at 14. Okay. But Mom does. Well, what's the law like? That's where the girls will go down to, like, what is the law? And that's kind of where your non-negotiables actually lie. Obviously, you want to have a co-parenting relationship. It's nice to have a co-parenting agreement that outlines how things are going to be done. But, you know, even with, you know, we have Christmas coming up, there's a lot of families who do things very, very differently. You have one family that like spoils the kids and the other one maybe they're not in a financial position or they don't agree with that. You know, you can have all the conversations you want, but you can't control that. Right. And that's what makes us really frickin tough, right? Yeah, it does not sound fun to me at all. So I'm glad the step moms have you okay. You have say you have your own kids and you have your step kids. How do you blend the rules and expectations if they're different in each home. Mhm. So this is interesting because I get this question a lot. So our daughter Reece, she is eight and there are things that I've just always been like, no reasons I'm going to be able to do that. And there's things that like they were allowed to do when they were younger that Reece is just not, you know, something that's like super simple but really common is pop, right? Like they you still just kind of have pop. Whenever when I first came in, I was like, what? Like, why is there so much freaking pop? Right? It would drive me crazy. We go to my in-laws. It was like a pop free for frickin all drove me. Nice grief. Like she sometimes gets pop, like, as a treat, but very rarely we'll all go to McDonald's and, you know, they're older now. So my step kids are 15, 18 and 20. But even when they were younger, they'd get they'd get a pop because it was just turned out to be this battle. I was not going to fight because they could do that at their moms and it was just whatever. Right. My husband really didn't care as much as he wanted to pretend he did. He didn't. He was just trying to appease me. So whatever. But Reece doesn't have the pop, right? So there's and she knows and it's just, you know, this open and honest conversation with her, I'll say, like we have you have different parents, right? So I'm your mommy. So I get to say about this and they have a mommy and they have a daddy, and that's what they've decided is best for them. And, you know, I'm sure when she gets older, she's like, well, that's not fair. And here's a big lesson for all of the kids to learn real quickly is life is not fair.  That's just the way it is. Just like little Johnny down the street can ride his bike without a helmet. Like you have rules here, right? Yeah. So that's kind of how I've explained it to her. But it can be hard, right? Especially when they have different rules at their mom's, where maybe rooms are allowed to be a little messier or, you know, they're allowed more freedom. And I'm just kind of like rhyming things off. We're pretty aligned right now, especially now that the kids are older. Things aren't popping into my head, but it's about picking your battles, too, right? And what is worth the turmoil and what is worth the stress. So you have you just all had breakfast together and your rules in your house are that everybody cleans up after themselves. Take the plate to the sink. And your daughter, who's eight, knows that that's the rule. She's going to do it. But your step kids are like, No, I don't want to. Or they walk away and go to their room. What is your rule there? What is your role as a step mom? What do you do? What do you say? That's tough. So my big thing about your involvement in parenting and discipline is like, is it working or is it making matters worse? So in that situation, you know, I'd probably have my partner take the lead on that and say like, no, like that's the expectation. But in the moment I might just be like, whatever, and just like, do it right. Like it's this is me. Now, after I have evolved, there was times where I'd be like, No, you need to do it. And like, I would like cause like this big thing, right? So now I'm just like, I would be like whatever and have my partner deal with it later. Because I realize just as the kids get older, there are a lot more forgiving of their parent than they are their step parent. So if I get into a blowout with one of my step kids, we could have tension in our home for a week and a half. Right? Whereas they can kind of you can give your kid crap and then like move on, right? It's just like the bounce back period is different. So that's really hard, right? But just kind of picking and choosing. But I have some strategies around the kids and roles, so I like to just kind of bring in more sarcasm and like lightheartedness about it. So my, my stepsons both and I was just downstairs and there's dishes, pop cans and like, whatever, right? It has been like, I have been asking them to tackle that since I moved in ten years ago. So that's never going to change. That's the big thing. Like if you are saying, I think parenting really is saying the same thing over and over again until they end up moving out. But when they come upstairs, sometimes if I see them use the dishwasher, like as a joke about like, oh, I didn't even know you knew where that was, you know, make it really light hearted. Yeah. And kind of laugh about it. Or my one stepson the one day like dropped his bag right by the stairs and then walked away as like, oh, so are you just putting that there for me to put away? Or like, what's your plan with that? You know, as a joke, yeah. So he's he's like, oh yeah, you're right. Because kids don't do things intentionally for the most part. They're not like, I'm going to put this bag here that she has to put it away. Right. They just say, yeah. And a lot of the parenting experts or psychologists, psychiatrists I've talked to say humor works like wonder with kids. So in your your sub kids are older. So sarcasm is their form of humor, right? So total humor is magic. I love it. I got to show you this pineapple thing. So they're all sitting around the island and we're in the middle of COVID. And so there's stress that a lot of people in this house. Right. And so they were just kind of leaving garbage, just as kids do, like just empty wrappers. So they're sitting on the island. And I had some empty strawberry containers and pineapple, and so I was done with it and I just, like tossed it on the floor, the pineapple thing. And they're just staring at me as a but I'm done with it. And so they're just looking at me. And then so I was like, cut up the strawberries into that and I just like chucked it and then like shoved something somewhere and they're just staring at me. I said What? I said. I thought, that's what we do when we're done with things, right? Like you guys are just like chucking stuff everywhere. I'm like, Is that what we're supposed to do? And they're just laughing at me, right? I might try that with my four year old. Like, Is that 900, that's lazy. Okay, so maybe we should all just like, oh, it goes in the recycling got it. Okay. Right. And they're just like, Jamie, whatever. Right. But they heard that better. They heard that better than. Oh, yeah, yeah. And humor connects you like humor and sarcasm and in certain doses, right? Depending on the age and relationship, it really connects you to people. So I love that. I love that little tidbit. Jamie, I would love for you to tell us where we can find you on socials and your community. If I have step moms here that want to connect. Yeah. For so you can find everything Jamie squeamish about com and jamie screamed on Facebook and Instagram cyber. My last name used to be darling. I don't know why I changed it. That would have been so cute. That would have been such a nice baby darling Jamie darling but yeah jar. So obviously you will link that so you can check it out. Yes. Then I have an exclusive stepmom community. So that's for stepmom's looking for not to pop in, ask me anything through office hours and I have exclusive content that I share in there and then I have my podcast. So the kick ass Stepmom podcast, so we release episodes every Monday. I love that. Thank you for everything that you do for the mamas out there and thank you for seeing the need to have this conversation. I really appreciate that. Yes, of course. I'm so grateful to Jamie for having a platform and a community for women and men that are stepparents and co-parenting. I think that is so important to build a positive light around those situations, not only for the parents but also for the kids, and then just a healthier family dynamic overall. I hope you took something great out of this episode and if you did enjoy it, leave me a review, follow me on socials and make sure you check out all of the links down below to looks down.