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Words For Change Podcast
Jump into the transformative world of "Words For Change Podcast," a thought-provoking podcast hosted by Rev. Lionel Bailey. Designed for those seeking inspiration and direction, this show delves into the power of change, transformation, and progress in our lives.
With every episode, Lionel Bailey, gives his unique blend of spiritual insight and contemporary relevance, sharing stories, and interviews that motivate listeners to embrace positive changes in their personal and communal lives. Rooted in Lionel's deep spiritual foundation, the show also touches upon various religious and moral perspectives, offering listeners a chance to reflect and connect on a deeper level.
Whether you're looking to evolve personally, spiritually, or within your community, Lionel provides practical advice and steps to help guide your journey.
Tune in to "Words For Change Podcast" and begin your learning and transformation journey with Rev. Lionel Bailey. Discover not just the power of words past and present, but the actions and impact they can inspire.
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Words For Change Podcast
Ep. 70 Diddy and Domestic Abuse
I challenge entrenched beliefs and the notion that suffering in silence is an act of piety, advocating instead for informed compassion and a New Testament-rooted approach to men and women relationships. We discuss the critical role of professional therapy within spiritual practices and the imperative for church leaders to become educated allies.
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Hey guys, I didn't want to do it, but here we go.
Speaker 2:It's so difficult to reflect on the darkest times in your life. Sometimes you got to do that. I was f***ed up. I mean I hit rock bottom, but I made no excuses. My behavior on that video is inexcusable. I take full responsibility for my actions in that video. Disgusted, I was disgusted then when I did it. I'm disgusted now. I went in and I sought out professional help, had to go into therapy, had to go into rehab, had to ask God for his mercy and grace. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1:We're going to dive into a topic that is both deeply troubling and many people don't want to talk about it. Right, it's a system, something that happens in our communities all the time, and it's important for us to talk about it to get rid of the silence. It's about domestic violence. That's what this episode is about. Did you know that just doing research and Pew Research did a poll around this area of domestic violence? And Pew Research said that one in four Christian women in the United States have experienced domestic violence One in four. Barner Group, another famous research institution survey, found that many church leaders feel inept or ill-equipped to address the issue of domestic violence, domestic violence, with nearly 26% of women saying that they have experienced abusive relationships, trusting that God would intervene, and that pastors were using this way of teaching as a way to keep people in relationships because of their antiquated ways about divorce. And these statistics underscore a deep need that we become more informed and compassionate action within our church and within our faith communities. All right, so welcome to the Words for Change podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm Lionel and today we're going to tackle a complex subject. And remember, hey, my goal is to help people who have disconnected from the message of Jesus Christ or become disconnected from church, to reconnect with Christ, leading to social change. And we're going to tackle this topic today. It is complex. It deals with the intersections between really domestic violence, uh, mental health which is what, uh, you, you heard in the clip from P Diddy and Christianity. And what does the church, what is this church having to say about this? So the problem is this the problem is is that domestic violence is not just physical assault, it's emotional assault, it encompasses emotional and psychological issues, it encompasses financial abuse as well, and within Christian communities, this is often compounded by misinterpretation of scripture and a culture of silence, okay, where many victims, many victims, suffer in isolation, believing that their faith requires that they stay in abusive relationships, believing that their faith is going to help deliver them from these situations. That's the problem that we're dealing with and that's the complication that we hope to address in this episode. So if we, if we looked at a Christian response because, again, my, my job as a, as a person of responsibility who has an audience that listens my audience Right, whether you have been, is there some of you who are listening that you may have experienced abuse before, you may have experienced relationship abuse in your life and some people who are listening to this, or you know someone who has experienced a tremendous amount of abuse in church or in life and we're going to talk about the church piece in a minute but you may have experienced a tremendous amount of abuse in life and because of it you left the church and because of it you left the church.
Speaker 1:And so I want to set the record straight that what we're dealing with here is a complicated situation that has tremendous impact on how we view relationships in mental health, how we relate. What we're seeing here is that there's a misconception and there's a problem with the way of how we relate with men and women, our understanding of how men and women should relate to each other in the church and in the world, and I've seen this happen more and more and increasing over time, as men and women have different, more complications with relating to each other in respectable ways. And let me just say this sleeping with somebody is not the only way you relate to the opposite sex. In other words, body is not the only way you relate to the opposite sex, in other words, that's a sexual contact is not the only reason for relating to the opposite sex. You understand what I'm saying, okay, so I want to tackle this subject today because it's important, it's in the news everywhere and I want you to hear my perspective. And I want you to hear, because you know my, my point of view on this and, as I'll be honest with you, as I thought about who a part of this podcast audience listens to, uh, is it has experienced or is experiencing abuse, or has experienced abuse before, and how are you dealing with it? How have you dealt with it?
Speaker 1:Okay, so once again, I want to present the problem to you, that the problem is that domestic violence is not just something that happens with physical abuse, but it's financial, it's emotional, it's psychological, and that within, within the church, within Christian communities, because abuse happens often in Christian communities and pastors will cover it up or force people to stay in relationships that are detrimental to their health and well-being, simply because of their view of scripture and interpretation of scripture that fosters a culture of silence. Think about this an interpretation of scripture that fosters and holds on to a culture of violence and, as a result, result, people suffer in silence, believing that all they have to do is pray or all they have to do is talk to the pastor. All they have to do is seek god, or all they have to do is be quiet and go to the altar on sunday morning, and that, even though it's important, is the requisite requirement for deliverance from God, which is not true. That you don't have to have faith, you don't have to experience abuse to demonstrate faith in God. Okay, now here's. Here's what what the new Testament says.
Speaker 1:The new Testament provides a foundation for how we can address these issues right there. There are many scripture verses in the bible that talks about that, demonstrates how men and women relate to each other. Now, even though abuse may not uh, uh, domestic abuse may not be clearly stated in scripture, but there are scripture verses that hint at how men and women ought to relate to each other. And I and that's one of the reasons why I'm talking about this today, because this is a biblical perspective that many people find themselves in relationships. Think about, think about how many people find themselves in relationship, that they are experiencing this kind of violence. So how, how can we deal with this from a biblical perspective? How, how can justice and compassion be demonstrated in relationships, or how should justice and compassion be demonstrated in relationship? Or how should justice and compassion be demonstrated in relationship so that we can begin understanding how men and women should relate to each other in relationship and that when you experience any form of abuse in a church environment or when you see abuse happening with church members or with family members, you don't just have to tell a person that it's God's will for you to stay in that situation and continue to experience abuse.
Speaker 1:Ephesians look at Ephesians 521 calls us to submit to one another with reverence for Christ. So so when a person submits to to one another is talking about as highlighting mutual respect, mutual love, not domination. Jesus teaches, emphasizes love, right, respect and inherent dignity for every individual, right, countering any justifications for abuse. So if we, if if we just take a moment to understand that some scripture verses are not meant to be taken literally, meaning that there are stories and instances in the Bible that are sometimes metaphoric, right when, when, for instance, when the scripture talks about divorce, scripture talks about divorce, jesus says that Moses did not allow divorce because men were simply men, women were considered property during their time, and so, because women were considered property, men would oftentimes divorce them at will and whim. So when Jesus talks about the bill of divorcement in the gospels and saying that this from the beginning it was not so, but Moses allowed for divorce. This is in the Gospels. In Matthew he's not talking about there's never an occasion for divorce. What he's talking about in that text is that men can't just put women away whenever they're good and ready to do such a thing. See, that's understanding the context of the of the scripture verse, and some of you who listen to me, you may feel trapped because you believe that there are no circumstances by which a person can become divorced, and this is the reason why a lot of people will stay in abusive relationships.
Speaker 1:Now we're going to talk about this more in another topic, so I want you, if you're watching this on youtube, I want you to check out. The next video should be put up right here, and we'll continue to delve into this topic and relationship even more. So, the key point that we are addressing here is that domestic violence within Christian community is a lie and it is a problem because scripture is being interpreted and it's false and misinterpreted. That is, and because of it. It is false in an environment where victims feel that to seek safety and to seek help could be problematic, and it's crucial to replace this harmful patriarchal normative with a mutual respect, as it relates to how men and women relate to each other. That's critically important as well.
Speaker 1:Now I want to show you something else, because there is more, y'all, there's more. I remember years ago, I um actually, let me, let me just say this, let me show you a video, and this video If you're watching it, you can see it. If you're listening, you can hear the audio as well. But it talks about the problem that we're dealing with in my, with abuse in church and what we're seeing from P Diddy, listen. It's not just happening in the secular culture, diddy, listen it. It's not just happening in the secular culture. This is this what I'm saying. It is initially a problem of understanding how important many people in the church will rely on their spirituality to solve all problems, or going to church or participating in a small group that will solve all your problems. Now, all of these things are great and all of these things have that value.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying is that there are instances where people are going and participating in religious communities and there's not an honest conversation about the complicated relational issues that people are going through or experiencing in these churches when people are abusing women or men are abusing their children and the church never talks about it and the church leaves it out there. It's a problematic. So education and awareness is a critical component that church leadership must be trained to recognize the signs of abuse and report it appropriately. I remember years ago, when I was executive pastor of a church, that we had a guy who was who had, who had been convicted of predatory behavior upon minors, and we we allowed that individual to come to church, but we had to implement certain measures in order to keep that individual away from other children. So it was a complicated situation but at the end of the day, we were, we were in a place where we were, we appropriately dealt with the situation and then we let the church know what the issue was and why we were doing what we were doing, right, so that people could seek support and feel safe in that they didn't have to worry about their children. Right, you know, even even if this individual didn't want to harm anyone in the community, right, but what we were trying to communicate through our leadership was that we as a community were were supporting and spiritual support to those who had experienced these kinds of abusive experiences.
Speaker 1:Now I'm going to show you watch this. This is another video that's going to help bring more clarity to the situation. Just listen here. Now let me position this right, because I'm going to try to get through this as soon as possible, because it's actually long. We're not going to watch the whole thing, but this is the church I remember years ago, when I was a pastor in the Dallas Fort Worth area. I remember this being a topic that we kept seeing churches popping up in the newspaper, in the local newspaper, about pastors spanking women. You heard that right, okay, so so check, so check this out.
Speaker 3:This was a report that was done as well and that's where, in that room, um he rapes me. You know, um it wasn't sex, because I was a kid. What?
Speaker 4:did Rush do to you as a family?
Speaker 3:It blew us all apart what he caused changed me permanently.
Speaker 4:The sisters were in high school when they first met Rush.
Speaker 3:So Mr Rush was my teacher. He was starting a church and he was looking for members. He was always looking for the misfit If you didn't fit in. He was trying to look for you to pull you in.
Speaker 4:They say they initially saw him as a father figure who lavished them with attention they weren't getting at home. When Fields became pregnant by a classmate her junior year of high school, Rush supported her.
Speaker 3:He was like you're going to be right here with me, I'm going to take care of you. He's like you need to come to my church. He told me that he would, you know, take me under his wing. So I just held on to him for dear life.
Speaker 4:The sisters now describe Rush's behavior as grooming, that he gained their trust to manipulate and abuse them.
Speaker 3:He was telling me that, you know, I needed to wear clothes that were appropriate for someone that's pregnant. So he was like how to dress? I remember him pulling my shirt up and saying you're not going to be able to wear that bra. You're going to get some maternity bras. While he's asking me questions about them being tender, he would be touching me around my nipples and then, you know, pulling my pants open. You're not going to be able to wear those kind of panties. You're going to have to get maternity panties. And I'm like, ok, and then he bought them. He bought the things that I needed and so I would wear them. And then he would check on me to see, you know, are you comfortable, are you?
Speaker 4:OK, and do you feel at this point like he's still in this position of power over you? Yeah, well, well.
Speaker 3:I just thought we were friends, and no man should be a friend to a young girl like that.
Speaker 1:Now let me just say that this is the problem that we have. This is the issue that we're dealing with, that we are dealing with churches and congregations. We're dealing with a cycle of abuse that happens in the world. What we saw, what we saw happen in with this whole PDD thing, it's a part of the hip hop community and, like I said when the Me Too movement hit the hip-hop community, the hip-hop community is in trouble and also it happens in churches and there's some people who are listening, who have been victims of abuse in churches. That's real talk, and so I want you to know that what you are experiencing and we're going to talk about this in another video in the future. I'll get into this more, so just continue to connect with us. But this is important and just just to summarize what we talked about, because I know that there are some people who are listening to this and you may have left church because you were abused, right, and my goal is to provide, not a solution, but to say that there are people who are aware and are listening, and these kinds of issues will, these kind of truths will continue to come out and people will, voices will be heard. So we we address several things that in this, in this text right, we've addressed that domestic violence within christian community uh, lies in an incorrect interpretation of scripture and it fosters an environment where victims feel unsafe to seek help. But we want people to feel safe to seek help and it's crucial and critical for us to replace harmful ways of relating, of how men relate to women, how love is represented, that it needs to be something of mutuality and uh, that that the you relating to the opposite sex, the opposite gender, is not for sex, only for sexual purposes right. That there are other ways of relating to people that are outside of that. And that part of our Christian commitment is to be that of having mutual respect and love for each other. That exemplifies what Christ would want us to be. As a matter of fact, even in marriage relationships, the Bible says treat your spouse as a fellow heir of the kingdom of God that's in the epistles, meaning that that person has dreams, goals and desires just like you do, and your job is not to dominate, and this is what Jesus talked about in the gospels, is not to relate simply through domination but through humility, and uh, humility and with a sense of respect for the other person Right. So so our job is to create an environment where people can relate to one another in very, very healthy ways ways.
Speaker 1:Our job is to support people who are seeking safety, encourage people to seek professional help. That you got people who are frustrated because they've been abused as a child and then, when they get it, they get called by God when they become an adult and they've never dealt with that abuse and then they begin acting out on other people in private because they haven't dealt with their own demons. And I'm saying that sometimes what we need to do is that we need to experience therapy ourselves. That that's as just as much spiritual practice as reading the Bible. That getting professional help is as much as a spiritual obligation as reading scripture, rather than advising people to remain in harmful situations. Get the authorities involved. See that as a gospel participatory project of helping women who've been abused and men who have been abused to get networks of help.
Speaker 1:The church can provide the necessary emotional and spiritual support for survivors, people who've been through these things. Okay, so you know I remember years ago, just once again. You know I remember years ago, just once again, that there was reports coming out about men who were spanking women in the church. Think about that. You heard me right Spanking women. I'm not laughing because it's not funny, because it is true it is something that happened, but if this is what the gospel is moving us to, then we're in trouble. So just to summarize here one I want us to understand what we're talking about that domestic violence is a pervasive issue in Christian communities and is often misunderstood and it is often mishandled.
Speaker 1:Number two the correct interpretation of scripture advocates for mutual respect, love and love, not submission and the endurance of abuse for some spiritual purpose, for some spiritual purpose. The education and training of leaders is crucial to providing the appropriate support for victims of abuse and that creating safe and supportive church communities and environments can significantly aid in the healing process for survivors. So, once again, if you know someone who's experiencing domestic violence, if you know someone who is in this kind of situation and they don't know a way out, they don't know what to do. They don't have to stay in that circumstance, they don't have to surf in silence. Stay in that circumstance, they don't have to surf in silence, but help them to get the help that they need, to reach out, to get the counseling and support factors around them and encourage your people to go to therapy.
Speaker 1:Promote church well-being by providing a step-by-step approaches and support for victims and the perpetrators right, providing accurate biblical interpretation of texts that can help create mutual relationships between men and females, men and women in the church, males and females, and foster an environment where everyone feels safe and valued. Females and foster an environment where everyone feels safe and valued, giving people leadership roles and then not requiring, but holding this standard that, no matter what your gender is in the church, each person should be treated with respect and love. And so, once again, thinking about you, a listener, I want you to know that, if you have experienced abuse and you have disconnected from the church, you are exploring your faith, and some of it has to do because you have experienced abuse in your past in church. I want to encourage you that there are churches and there are communities out there that will surround you and provide the proper support you need to help you regain faith in your religious organization. Yes, there are many churches that are not doing it right, but there are some that are. Yes, there are many churches that are not doing it right, but there are some that are, and I don't want you to give up, right, because wherever you have a human institution, you're going to have complications. It doesn't excuse it at all, okay, it just says that this is what we're trying to do is reconnect and understand that Jesus is different from the church, but you still need a community that you can be a part of, and there are some healthy ones out there, okay, so, guys, listen, I appreciate your patience.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to do this, but the more I thought about it, it felt right, because there are people who are experiencing abuse in churches and they're listening to me. It is my God-given responsibility to talk about this subject matter, because it is an important subject matter from a biblical perspective, and so down in the description, you're watching this video. Down in the description, I'll put a link to some resources that, if you're experiencing abuse that you can get help with, you can watch the next video right here. Actually, you can watch the next video here. If you're get help with, you can watch the next video right here. Actually, you can watch the next video here. If you're listening to this, obviously, you can watch, you can listen, but there'll be links in the description for you as well.
Speaker 1:Okay, so thank you, guys for joining this episode of Words to Change podcast. Hey, our goal is to continue to bring the truth and to help people heal, to help people reconnect with the gospel of Jesus Christ, and you as the audience, uh, you are helping us to do that and we really thank you so much for your support. Okay, so I want to encourage you to stay strong. Remember that nothing changes until you change first. That change begins with awareness and action. Okay, so, until next time I'm signing off again, nothing changes until you change. First. That change begins with awareness and action. Okay, so, until next time I'm signing off Again, make sure you watch the next video right here on YouTube, and I look forward to seeing you guys in the next video. Salute and I'm out. Thank you, you, thank you, thank you.
