From Reality TV Identity To Faith, Sobriety, And Self with Romi Marie

What if the bravest move isn’t to get louder, but to get softer? In this live interview at Heart Conscious Creators, we sit with Romi Marie—known from The Real L Word—who lays down the old script and tells the truth about healing, identity, and the cost of performing for approval. She opens up about how fame solidified a persona that no longer fit, the backlash of questioning labels, and the relief of redefining herself as a mother, wife, coach, and woman of faith.

We dig into the mechanics of change: therapy that surfaces the inner child and unresolved grief, sobriety as a non-negotiable foundation, and prayer as spiritual technology to shift out of fear and rumination. Romi shares the practical tools that keep her steady—safe friendships, movement, quiet mornings, and boundaries that protect peace. For listeners wary of religious language, we translate the practice into nervous-system terms: speak words that reconnect you to love and repeat them until your body believes you. The conversation stays grounded, honest, and tender, aimed at anyone who suspects they’ve been performing a version of themselves to be loved.

Romi is mid-reinvention and refuses to rush. There’s a book forming, a voice clarifying, and a life that prioritizes depth over exposure. We talk about choosing softness without losing strength, measuring success by inner alignment rather than metrics, and the radical permission to change your mind in public. If you’ve ever felt trapped by an old story or pressured to keep playing a role that no longer fits, this talk offers a clear path back to yourself—one prayer, one boundary, one honest conversation at a time.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Host Sets The Stage
• 1:50 Live Interview Context And Intro
• 4:15 Meeting Romy And The First Recorded Call
• 7:50 Identity Shaped By Reality TV
• 12:10 Sexuality, Labels, And Backlash
• 16:30 Therapy, Grief, And The Inner Child
• 20:35 Choosing Softness Over Survival Mode
• 24:10 Faith, Prayer, And Sobriety Practices
• 28:05 Prayer As Spiritual Technology

Transcript

SPEAKER_04: 0:00

Welcome back, everybody, to the truth about addiction. I quite recently released a podcast episode with this woman. However, she then decided to fly out to my most recent Heart Conscious Creators event and do a public interview live. And that is what you're about to experience. Her name is Romy Marie. She was on three seasons of the real L word and has had a tumultuous relationship with fame. And is in her healing and in a massive rebirth. So not only was the podcast episode one of her first interviews in years that she told the truth about where she was at, even though she was so afraid to do so. This interview was her first live in-person experience in over two years, where she really told the truth and got vulnerable. And it was just a gorgeous thing to be a part of. And I'm really excited for you guys to experience it. So enjoy the interview. If you want more content like this, let me know. Please like, subscribe, leave a comment, share with a friend who you think this will help. And as always, there will be a link in the show notes to book a free discovery call with me if you would like to connect more off of social media.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36

I'll see you guys soon.

SPEAKER_04: 1:50

At Heart Conscious Creators, I have often done many, many interviews on the stage. But then it becomes this passive experience where everyone's sitting and listening and learning and watching, but they're not participating. So I only have two, but two amazing guests tonight. And you're about to meet the first of them. They both happen to be reality TV stars. No big deal. This next woman recently came into my life. We share the same management company. Because in my pursuit of deciding to be a speaker and creating my own stage until the world recognizes my ability, well, it turns out we have the same representation, and they were like, you two should meet. And boy, did we ever the first I've never done this before. The first time we were getting on a call, we had been texting leading up to it. And I was like, Do you want to just record this call? I have a podcast. Because I feel like we're gonna talk about things that really matter, and I don't want to miss it. If we don't like it, we don't have to do anything with it. Delete. So that's what we did. First time we ever talked was on my podcast, recorded, and there was a breakthrough moment. I could feel the weight of what she had lived through being on a very popular reality show for several seasons, the exhaustion of the identity she was carrying because it wasn't true for her anymore. And so I just waited through the interview and I let it soften and I let it break open. And she shared stuff with me that she hadn't shared publicly ever. And now she is here from Austin, Texas, to share her story with me on stage in front of all of you for the first time in a very long time. And she's not just a reality TV star, she's a speaker, she's a mother, she's a makeup artist, she's a coach, she's a healer, and she's a truth teller. Romy Marie, get up here. I am so excited to have this conversation. We got our chairs. We need Yeah, girl, I got you. I love you. Sweetest. We're gonna mic you up. Yep. And we can take that one off the stand. She's just gonna hold it. Thank you. I'll switch. Okay. Yeah, perfect. By the way, how gorgeous is this woman? Can I just girl crush? Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 5:00

First of all, the introduction was so sweet. I love you. I wanted to cry. And she invites me on a podcast, and we do have that amazing interaction. And then she goes, and fly in and join me at my event too. And I'm like, this is our friendship. This is our friend. Or you're like, you're just gonna come in, you're gonna share, and I love you for it.

SPEAKER_04: 5:16

I love you too. I do. I know I sent her one of those gifts. What do you call them? Means gifts, you know? I was like, this is kind of what I want to do when I see you, you know, and the running up to someone and like that.

SPEAKER_03: 5:28

This is the first time I met you.

SPEAKER_04: 5:30

The first time we met the first time we met live in the atlet, right? Happening as a first, okay. Okay. Romy, if you're willing, I'm willing. Will you take everybody through that breakthrough moment in our conversation?

SPEAKER_03: 5:50

Were I cried? Um, yeah, it kind of helped me go back there a little bit, but what you were saying, click my mind to say. Oh, it did. No guys okay. Sorry. When she had me on, like she had said, we have the same management team, and they were like, you two need to connect, and we did. I was so grateful because I had not done any interviews. I had been mom liping in Austin, just not doing any of this, but coaching and with loud and wanting to speak and wanting to share my story and being a storyteller like you. I I had that desire and passion, but I also was struggling with removing myself from being in the public guy. The how do you share a story? How do you tell a story? How do you help others where you're also trying to kind of go backwards? Right. So it was a weird place, but it was meant to be. We were meant to have that conversation, right? And so we got on it, and I did not know what to expect. You didn't know what you expect. And I think that's what was so beautiful because it was a raw space, just like now. It was just a raw space where you said, okay, we're just gonna start recording and we're gonna see what comes out of this. And I didn't know where it was gonna go. And like she said, because you are a healer and you brought so much out of me, like I'll cry. So much out of me, because we were having this conversation, and as we're having it, because that's what happens when you tell your story, and that's what happens when you hold space for somebody, you start to learn about yourself. So, in our conversation through the podcast, I'm starting to learn all these things about myself because I'm saying them out loud to someone I don't know, we're felt safe, and we're in the conversation, and I'm starting to realize, you know, I hadn't, I was on the real outward, like you said. I was on Show Times the Real Outward, and I was very much my identity had been created around that in my early 30s. And I'm I'm being 44 in January, so obviously this is a while ago. Got wrapped up in becoming what that person needed to be, what the show had created, what a character had created, and what was that character? Based around my sexuality, it was all based around my sexuality and being a lesbian in Los Angeles, and that was who I had been known for, that was who people wanted, that was that was who I needed to show up as. When in reality, yes, that had happened, and yes, that was an identity that I took on, and we had this conversation. Was I was so much more than that. I was so much more than who I was with, who I was dating, who that just was like that was actually a part of the unhealing work that I had not done. The alcohol abuse at that time where I was numbing out, so much of it was such a hard time. So to be identified as that for so long when that was not a fun part for me. It wasn't a fun journey, it wasn't a fun identity for me. In fact, it was, and I I said this, I'll say it here, but I said this a few times during the show, and I got so much hate through it because I ended up exploring it with my sexuality and eventually ending up with men. And I'm current like recently married and with a man, and at the time had shared that a lot of this had to do with father issues, growing up with two women, um, not having my father around. He died of cancer when I was young, he wasn't around when I was younger, not having a father figure, not having positive men in my life, right? Um, tons of strong women like my aunt who's here and my family and all these women, and I found safety and security there. And I was so afraid to say, I'm not gay. I'm not gay. And I knew that the hate and the it was just gonna be awful, right? And and got myself into therapy, been raising my daughter in Austin, only to find out that there is this little girl in me that just stuck. She's just stuck and she hasn't said goodbye to her dad, right? And she's hanging on to all this pain and she's avoiding all of this stuff. And once I just threw myself into some therapy and removed myself from allowing everybody to tell me who I was or who I was not supposed to be, or what I was supposed to say, or what I was not supposed to say, or if I was gay enough or not gay enough, or like I don't care. This is my journey. It's my journey, it's not for you to create my journey. And just because I've publicly been in television or been out there doesn't give you the right either to decide my journey. So in our conversation, I have this free space to like finally say that to someone out loud, and I just started crying because I felt like I couldn't say that. But the reality is, and this isn't for everybody, it's that we're all on our own journey. And my journey, that was part of it, right? But there is this feminine part of me that we've talked about. And so her and I have had many conversations since that podcast. I've called her on the side of the road. You know, she became a friend immediately where I said, I'm struggling because I'm tapping into this feminine, softer side of myself. I've deleted my social media, I don't want to be an influencer, I don't care. I don't want to be known for that. I just want to find these parts in me that I have never visited in my 40s. These parts of this girl and this woman that I don't know. And I haven't known her because I felt like I couldn't. Right? I'm a survivor, I'm strong, I'm a badass, I'm part of this community, I'm from this. Like, it takes a lot and it did to remove all of that and get still and get soft. And you held such a beautiful space for me, and we've become friends. And I've called you and I've been like, I want to be this softer. You know, I've married and I want to be this wife, and I want to be this mom, and I want to be this daughter, and I want to be this woman of God, and I am of faith, and I am Christian. I want to be this softness without being afraid of what everyone is going to say about me. You know, and I had no problem being wild and crazy and not caring what anyone thought about me, but all of a sudden I want to just be in this peaceful space and I'm nervous. No, I don't care. Right? I don't care. So I've come to you and I've said, I'm struggling because there's still the survivor innately in me. She's in there and she wants to fight and she wants to be aggressive and she wants to be in her masculine, right? And this is who this is who I know. And she's amazing and she's beautiful and she's wonderful, but like she is soft and she can be sweet and she doesn't have to make all the noise. She can sit back, she can be quiet. And I have found more strength ever in the stillness than I did when I was loud and out there and in your face and trying to prove myself. And honestly, I was trying to, and we we talked about this on there, and I think this was the biggest takeaway is that I had been playing crazy since I was a little girl so that I could get attention from my family. That was chaos and a whole nother story. And as I got older, I started to realize that you're playing a role so that people will love you or pay attention to you. When do you stop? When do you stop putting on this act? Right? Whether I'm crazy or I'm gay or I'm an addict or for me, right? And I'm not saying that I wasn't all of those things, but like I heightened it because I just wanted someone to love me so bad or pay attention to me or notice me in the room. And then I realized I'm like, Roman, you're not even half these things. Who are you? And I'm I don't know. Like right now, I could be a whole nother person next year. You guys, I do not know. But like right now, in this moment, I in this season of my life, I'm just slowing down and I'm soft and I'm learning how to be that little girl before she had to be a survivor.

SPEAKER_04: 14:28

Can I ask how that part of you shows up? So when you drop back into, you know, we're talking about old patterns, conditioned beliefs, survival skills, and pain being a circuit breaker. And then we have the free will, once we are awake and aware, to choose something different. So when you see yourself sliding back into your masculine and you've seen your patterns, I've seen it, I've been on the other end of the call. First of all, what do you do to regulate? Okay, because this is a wellness event. And when the softer side of you shows up, what does she say? What does she sound like? Because in case anyone in here isn't sure how to tap into that, maybe something you say will help them.

SPEAKER_03: 15:27

I hope so. That really is the only reason I want to keep sharing my story, right? And I think you and I relate on that. Like I have the story in me, God put me through it, right? How can I share it and maybe help somebody else without me having to sell myself in any way for that opportunity? So what I do is one, I call you. I find people that are safe. I find people that I trust their opinion. I think so often in the past when I struggled with things, I went to all the wrong people. I went to people that I'm asking advice from that I don't even want their lives. Like, I'm like, why am I asking these people for I don't even want what you have. Yet I'm coming to you, or putting my life so out there on social media, in the public, letting people help me, needing people, and and I don't do that anymore. So honestly, what I do right now, and you you and I have talked about this, is I am strong in my faith. I pray. I pray and I pray and I'm quiet and I'm still and I'm talking to God. So as soon as I start to catch myself right now going to survivor and like want to act out, wanna fight everyone, want to prove to everyone I'm fucking so strong. I'm stronger than you. I'm all when I catch myself going into that part of me, I just pray. I pray, and then I know that he's fighting this fight for me. Like I'm not, I don't have to fight it. I don't have to be so strong all the time. Whatever's supposed to happen, he's got me, right? And I have few people that I can call like yourself, right? Who understand spirituality, who understand healthy things, that understand the demons and say, okay, I'm struggling. I want to fight, I wanna, I wanna come back, I want to be hard, and I talk it out, I work out, I am sober as well. Um, sobriety is not even an option anymore. Like, I can't be who I am with the mother that I am. I can't do anything, me personally, with any of that in my life. So staying sober, working out, praying, all the things that you hear and see that seem so cliche in everybody's about, they help.

SPEAKER_04: 17:48

I mean, I think they help. This is so important, right? Because I I shared in my talk, right, that I grew up in a raging atheist household. So the the word God just made my insides recoil. The word God felt inherently unsafe to me as a girl. And then doubled down on that once I entered the 12-step rooms, right? I hung on to the things I learned that did keep me safe, which was not God, my own willpower until that stopped working. And I love that I can say that word now. I can have conversations with people of any kind of faith and denomination. We have lost our ability to speak to each other intelligently, to have intellectual discourse, to disagree with love. I can sit here, this is not a religious event, right, and talk about prayer as a form of spiritual technology, you know, and and yes to all of that, right? And so I don't know if if people have feelings around these words, right? But I would just challenge you to stay curious and open, right? Because I'll give you an example, right? Prayer is a thing that has become so curated for me now. It used to be sort of rote prayers. I certainly have done the thing where you pray for the things you want, you know, for all the outside things. You're even praying for people to be well. And now it's like, where am I spiritually sick and stuck? Right? So I'm on this track to be this big public speaker, and I've got all these things waving in the wings. It's a hurry up and wait time in my life. And God damn it, when I forget about God, all I want to know is when did I book the gig? How much am I gonna make? Is everything gonna be okay? Should I follow up with them again? The booker wrote to me like three weeks ago. Do I seem desperate if I wrote to her again? Habada, habada, habada, habada, habada, right? Fear, obsession, rumination. This goes for anything, personal relationships, waiting to hear back from the text, waiting to hear from the job offer. So then what am I doing with prayer as a form of spiritual technology to shift me energetically out of that space? They say in recovery that you're you're either closer to a drink or you're further away. What that really means is you're either closer to the dark or closer to the light. You're either disconnected from whatever you believe is God, whatever force of love and good and kindness, or you're not. Okay. So if I'm in fear and obsession and rumination, I am disconnected from God. Okay. So then if I'm gonna pray, I should make this prayer very intentional, and I should say it out loud, and I should say it until my body believes the words, until I come into compliance energetically, so there is alignment within me, so I can go out into the world and do God's bidding. So I say, Dear God, help me want everything and need nothing. And I say it over and over and over again. And then I remember who the fuck I am. And that none of these gigs, none of these TV shows make us worthy of love and connection and belonging. Because those things are our birthright. Yeah. So now you're in reinvention mode. Massively. And I'm so excited to be beside you on this part of your journey. You're a huge part of your journey. There is a beautiful that has not been written yet. And there are talks that are being formulated and orchestrated between you and God that have not yet come out of you. Right? So take me and everybody here through this very tender moment of as you're finding yourself tossing between who you used to be, who the world thinks that you are, and who you're becoming. What is the truest thing on your heart right now? What are the projects that you're spinning up that set your soul on fire?

SPEAKER_03: 22:33

Yeah, I think it's so much of what you said when the prayer, the prayer is like, I have to slow down, right? I have to remember like why am I what why do I want to do this? What what are my reasons for this, right? And and in the past, like you, when's this? Am I gonna get this? How many of this? Do I have the followers? Is this gonna like you're so consumed with it that you lose track of your life and what you're supposed to be doing? So I am in a reinvention and I do talk and speak, and I think that is my message and my power in terms of God has given me the strength to reinvent myself many times. Many times, unapologetically decide who I want to be and then step into it. And I've done it many times, and I'm doing it right now, right? But right now, it is a very vulnerable space for me because there is a fine line of I want to share my story. I have a book in me, right? I've written it, I've erased it, I don't know the I don't know the direction I really want to go in. I don't want to be that girl from this, I don't want to be that girl from that. I don't want to be any of that. I want to share the journey of faith of God, of what it's done for my life, of what it feels like to step into an identity that might be scary, but might be one you want to step into. I think we stopped doing that. And most of us live a life where we look back and we're like, I wish I would have been this, I wish I would have done that, I wish I would have this is even who I wanted to be. And it's like, then why didn't you do it? Right? If I want to be a woman of God and I want to pray every day right now, and I want to sit at home and bake cookies and hang out with my husband and my daughter, like I'm gonna be that. And that also doesn't make me less able to share a story or help others. And you have really been a huge part of like cheerleading me, and you're not done. Like you're not done with your story, you're not done being able to help people, Romy. It's just figure out, right, like where that goes. And so in the past, it was like I was performing. I don't want to perform, I'm done, I'm tired. I just want to have real authentic conversations. I want to talk to my clients, I want to speak to people, and I want to say, like, figure out who you want to be, and let's figure out how you walk into that. And just like you asked me, what are the steps that you do to help you get through that? And again, it's I stay sober, I work out, I pray a lot. I'm okay saying no, I'm okay not taking that invite, I'm okay not being invited, like truly okay. Like I'm I'm okay just not being that person anymore. But the person I want to be, the person that matters is how does God see me? And when I tell you all the father issues that I had, and I know it's so cliche, but when I come home and it is God into me, and like you said, we can have open conversations, different religions, different paths, and not here to like preach to everybody. But for me, it was I need that unconditional love of a father. I need it. I'm seeking it, and I found that in faith, and I found that in the God that I pray to. I found that I can come home. You forgive me, you love me. Rather than seeking it from everyone around me who's not really loving me in that way, my relationship there allows me to wake up with gratitude, right? It allows me to feel forgiven. It allows me to forgive myself. I think that's a huge thing, and it's a huge reason why those of us who have come through recovery, like we don't forgive ourselves. Right? So when you do and you do it every day, and you wake up every day and you meditate or you pray, you're you're living in a state of gratitude. You're living in a state of like forgiveness. You're grateful. And as I'm in this season and you're here and I'm here and I'm able to share with you guys, like you know, our team is here trying to figure out like the branding of me as well, because I put them through a whole lot of people, you guys. They don't know how to put me out there. Um, but it is that I'm just wanting to be as authentic and slow and soft as I can be with sharing my story and having my story not be told for me anymore. That's what I'm trying to do right now. So I don't know where God is gonna guide me. I don't know where I'm gonna end up, I don't know who I'm gonna share with, but I hope it does help someone. Oh, it will. I hope so.

SPEAKER_04: 27:00

We have it up for Romeo Marie dies. Oh my god, I love you so much. Oh who's he labeled?

SPEAKER_00: 27:18

Waking up, I hear the desperation call. I turn my back and hit my head against the wall. Take me to my east. I'll whip in my state, I jump over the breed. Break it, the dark dad. Baker, it's good. I get tired of the force that's the head.