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INTRO

Today I share my story of energy healing,

It’s a personal tale but don’t take it too seriously because it’s only as true as my clarity at the time.

What more important is that you discover your own truth concerning energy healing 

amidst my experience.

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Before I tell you all the ways I failed as an energy healer, let me explain why I ever decided to let someone else try to energetically heal me. 

It wasn’t because I believed in energy healing, I didn’t.

 It wasn’t because I thought it would work, I was sure it wouldn’t. 

It wasn’t because it resonated with me, the idea felt terrible. 

It wasn’t because I trusted someone’s opinion or had a spiritual epiphany. 

I actually detested the whole woo-woo, energy healing sphere. 

I was a logical, rational, atheist, who wasn’t going to submit to someone else’s crazy notions that had no tangible truth. This may partly have been because my mother was one of these people, and I didn’t care much for her at the time.

But I was desperate. 

I was falling apart.

I couldn’t hold up the world I had created for myself, the one I thought would bring me joy. 

I had a degree in mathematics, I owned a successful business, I had the big house on the hill, and friends, and family, what else is there to want?

Nothing. So why couldn’t I live this dream life?

Why did I crumble just a little more each day?

Why did I want to quit, everything?

I couldn’t pretend I was ok any longer, 

So, I went to an energy healer.

They touched some energy centers on my body and said a few things, and I left. 

The rest of the day my mind was calm, and my body was relaxed. 

Within a few days, I was back to my wretched self.

So I went back. And back. And back.

My initial approach was scientific. 

I studied neuroplasticity in the brain, epigenetics in the body, trauma as a mind-body connection, 

and meditation as a method to rewire the brain.

Then I studied ancient texts about healing, and indigenous cultures and rituals. 

I found the principles of energy and healing were the same, regardless of the continent or culture they came from: Asia, South America, Africa, North America.

I studied with Native American shamans, traveled to the jungles of Peru and Costa Rica and learned about plant medicine, ceremony, ritual. 

But wait, I’ve gone too far, too fast.

Let’s back up. 

I’m lying on tables, experiencing this thing called energy healing. 

It was both fascinating and confusing.

I’m also lying on mmmmmmmmmmmmm, experience this things called energy healers, 

specifically THOSE people who choose to practice energy healing.

They too were fascinating and confusing.

Let me tell you a thing or two about them.

They are often know-it-all & arrogant, 

they only see what’s-wrong-with-you, and never see you as healthy and well.

They are blind to their own shortcomings, and often unload them onto their clients. 

They are deeply insecure about their worth and need to prove it by healing other people. 

When they heal you, they are divine, when they don’t, there’s something wrong with you!

It’s a great gig really, energy healers get to be the best while seeing you at your worst.

And that’s why I decided to become one!

Not really. I never wanted to be one.

But after four years of lying on tables, being both healed and harmed at others, 

I felt a tsunami wave inside me, heaving me toward becoming the very people I didn’t really care for.

I never wanted this, never considered doing it, and after four years, I still had no idea what exactly was happening. 

All I knew is that something did indeed happen. Even with all the messiness that people brought into the space. 

So, I opened a little energy healing business and began.

And what did I begin? 

I began to see all my shortcomings.

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I saw my desperate need to heal other people, and when I didn’t, I felt terrible about myself. 

I saw my insane need to be right, to have all the answers, and when I didn’t, I felt ashamed and stupid.

I saw my absurd notion that we can somehow heal ourselves into a state of perfection.

I saw my tendency to suffocate through codependency – I carry the responsibility for healing you, and you watch me drown in your trauma, and then blame me when you don’t get better.

I saw my immature beliefs about love, loss, relationship, and this exquisite journey of living toward death.

I saw a deep, impenetrable loathing of myself.

And, I was faced with the infernal torment of being a failure, no matter what I did.

I learned all this with my hands on other people, lying on my table, 

telling me they wanted me to heal them, 

and me saying “yes, of course, yes, yes, please allow me to heal you!”

About two years into this disaster I stopped. 

My failures as an energy healer were no longer passable as random mistakes, 

they were piling up.

So I took a break, decided what energy healing meant to me, and made commitments with the Universe.

The word Universe for me is synonymous with higher power, god, creator, allah, etc.

My commitments were simple, straight as arrows.

I will no longer heal anyone. My clients will heal themselves. 

I empower my clients to discover their personal truths, and live those truths.

I support the journey they choose for themselves, as long as it resonates with my personal truths. 

After a ceremonial commitment to myself, energy healing, and the Unicerse, I opened my doors again, and waited in terror,

 because no one would possibly come. 

Who would go to an energy healer that commits to NOT healing you?

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When a new client arrived, I sat before them and shook. My body shook, my voice shook, the core of my being shook. 

I was doing something that didn’t make sense, but it was the only thing that felt integrous to my journey. 

So I spoke my commitments:.

I do not consider myself an energy healer, shaman, or guru. 

I am a support and guide on your journey of healing you. 

My goal is to empower you to heal yourself, to discover your truths, and to live your truths.

When you are in the space of stillness and harmony, you know what is best for you, not me. 

So if I say anything that doesn’t resonate with you, tell me. 

Trust yourself.

I waited for my new client to walk out. But they only nodded. 

Almost a decade later, I say the same words to every client, and no one has walked out.

In fact, the normal response is relief.

“Oh good, that’s what I want.”

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People want to heal themselves, they want to know they can trust themselves, 

they want to learn how to communicate with themselves, 

how to discover their wisdom, their truth, their joy, the inner knowing.

They want to be empowered to be their best self, 

which means the energy healer needs to NOT be the healer. 

A healthy form of energy healing is a humble support system. 

But wait! 

Why would I do this if I don’t get to be right? If I don’t get to heal people? 

If I don’t get to be AWESOME!

When I made my commitment to the universe, I realized that I would have to heal myself in order to support others in supporting themselves.

I healed myself. They healed themselves.

The first few years after speaking these commitments were filled with insecurity, 

I wasn’t special, I wasn’t important.

I wasn’t needed!

I couldn’t set up relationships where my client needed me, 

that one was hard hard hard!

I couldn’t set up relationships where my client trusted me, 

they put their own truth first.

Damn! That one stung!

I couldn’t created relationships where love was dependent, 

where loss was the final blow, where death was to be feared, and where living was misery.

How odd?

Isn’t it?

And how powerful.

As I matured and healed myself, I committed to allowing others to do the same, for themselves.

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Today, after a particularly amazing and powerful session, when a client asks how I did it. 

I say, “I didn’t. You did. I’m your support.”

And I am. 

That’s the power of true healing. 

It’s healing ourselves, not others.

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The great thing about being selfish and committed to healing yourself, 

is that it ripples out naturally,

 to everyone around you, 

everyone you smile at, 

greet, or even walk by.

Healing myself is the most powerful thing I’ve ever done, and continue to do. 

I now share what I’ve learned healing myself to others, I support them healing themselves.

And I get to be a witness to their amazing process, a process which still mystifies my mind.

I’m still learning, I learn from every person, every session, every situation.

And I’m at peace with my mistakes because I learned from them, 

they’ve helped me craft the beautiful art of energy healing I now practice.

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Our greatest potentials are discovered when we make mistakes, 

when we fail so miserably that we can’t move forward. 

It’s then that we try something different. 

It may not work, but it’s another valiant attempt to create what we long to live,

in this mysterious realm.

As I wind down, please note that we energy healers are no more healed than the rest of the lot, so be discerning when you choose the table, the hands, the heart, the intent of your energy healer.

Learn to heal yourself, with their support. Discover yourself so deeply that your joyous nature inspires others to heal themselves. 

Through this individual healing, and collective inspiration, we create a new world, a world of self-aware, self-responsible, mature, curious, courageous, and supportive beings. 

OUTRO

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