Ep. 10 Beauty is a Verb

If you’ve ever felt the pressure to “be beautiful,” this episode might just change the way you think about it—and about yourself.
 
In the latest Messy Designed Life episode, we’re diving into the idea of beauty—not just as something we see, but as something we experience. What if we redefine beauty as a verb?

We talk about how beauty impacts us deeply, not just in how we look but in how we feel and interact with the world. I share about:

• Beauty as an Experience Exploring the idea of beauty as a verb, something we actively experience rather than a static quality.
• Impact on Daily Life How this vocab shift can change everything from our self-talk to our spending habits.
• Design with Intention The importance of creating spaces that spark beauty and support our well-being.
• Redefining Standards Moving away from societal pressures to be beautiful and embracing the inner experience of beauty we can create and feel every day.

Transcript

 Hello again everyone. This is Mandy Straight and you are listening to messy designed life. The podcast that is occasionally about interior design and always about. Interior design. Interior it can mean so many things. Sometimes it's about the design inside ourselves, sometimes about the design inside our homes. Sometimes we're talking about the design inside this universe that we are living in every day. So today in our messy designed situation and experience. We are going to talk about beauty. And the concept of it, what it is, what we do with. It is it important. At least the initial conversation about beauty centers around the statement form over function or form follows function. I think. So often it is treated in a way where the form is insignificant and on. Important and the function is really the utility at the heart of the matter, and that's what we need to focus on is the function. And then you know the form kind of whatever, right. And it's seen as like this fluffy surface thing. If we are focusing on the. Form. Interestingly. I disagree. I disagree. I disagree with that and there are not that many things I I feel pretty flexible. I feel like I can see both sides of a lot of fences. I'm like, what do you think about that? I can see where you're coming. From. I just disagree with. This to pretend that we as humans do not are, are not affected by. The beauty of something, or lack of beauty of something is. Inaccurate scientifically. And also experientially, for me, for those I have discussed it with, for my clients, for science. For doctors, for anything, Beauty is a part of our experience of anything. And if we don't have beauty? We start to lose something else and and I'm curious what that is. We're going to talk about it a little more in depth. We're going to, we're going to consider it. We're going to consider it together and I have not written this all out today. I am leaning into the messy because I'm curious what happens when there's. A conversation? Maybe I'm curious what happens when there's a conversation with myself and when it happens real time and it is not planned ahead. I'm curious what will come out of the chaos of that today and if it doesn't work, I will erase it. And if you're listening to this clearly I did not. So I looked up as I do as you know, I do. By this point I looked up. The etymology of beauty. And the etymology, the root of this word is the state of being pleasing to the senses. OK. That that right there is clearly we say this clearly I was looking at the noun. Beauty is a noun because it is the state of being. Pleasing to the senses. And what's interesting about that? Is that? We all. No beauty when we see it, at least in some forms, we can look at something. There is something you can think. Have. That you can feel with your senses. Maybe it's not looking at, maybe it's hearing. Some beautiful music. Maybe it's smelling a beautiful smell. Maybe it's feeling a beautiful piece of cloth on your skin. Silk. What have you? We all know what? That interaction is like with beauty and we have experienced it all of us. The trigger of it is different for each of us. I do believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In most cases. And. What's what's amazing about that? Is that that means beauty is not the thing. That's holding what we would traditionally say beauty. OK, it's not the thing that we would call beautiful. That's actually beautiful. If that's true, beauty is the reaction in me to whatever The thing is that I'm reacting to, which means that beauty is not. Things can't be beautiful, right? Things can't actually be beautiful, because that's a noun. Things can feel OK and I. Said that wrong. Beings can feel beauty. So what? Does it change? What does it change if there is no such thing as beauty as a noun? You know, I've spent so much of my life and I know I have referenced this in previous episodes. It's it's really been a thing for me. When I was a kid, I was a 90s Disney kid. I was talking about this in a conversation with a group of amazing women. And. Just this weekend, and I grew up on the 90s Disney, which is that the most beautiful girl in the room is the only one who gets to feel love is the only one that gets to have a happy life. The only one that gets the happily ever after. It's only the beautiful one. So how important was that told? To me that it is. How important did I absorb? That it is. If that's the only happy girl woman female. In any story. Is the one who is beautiful. It's a big deal. I cannot tell you how much time in my life I have spent. I just. What it what even is the right word in agony about? How I didn't think I was living up to some beauty thing, and I know I'm not the only one. I'm not saying this like nobody understands. I'm saying it like I see you. This is frustrating that this is what has been told to us, that this is the root. Of our value, but I I I see you all, of all of you who are like me. I see you. That beauty was the thing you had to have so. What does it change from that experience? That amount of time I spent agonizing over being beautiful? How does that shift if beauty is no longer a noun? I it's not even possible for me to be beautiful. As a noun, as a state of being, of existence. What if? The only possibility is for me to steal beauty. To seek out and experience beauty. That that's completely different. Seeking beauty means I'm finding things that that trigger or ignite that reaction within myself. That feels like beauty inside of my body. So then not only do I stop worrying about being beautiful because it's a non issue cause it's not real. Not only do I stop worrying about that, also I go seek out opportunities to experience Beauty, so I'm curious and interacting in a different way with the world around me and the goal of all of that is that I am identifying and practicing. Feeling that feeling inside of me? That is beauty. That verb, that motion, that is beauty. How much does it change? If in me seeking beauty. I am working the muscle of experiencing it. Because that's how I'm defining and experiencing. Beauty in my life and in the world around me. I I told you guys, I did not think about that beforehand. I thought about it being a verb. That's what I had thought about and that just went deeper. Than I thought it was going to. Go. That's not true. I always know it's going to go deep because that's. Where I live. Let's be honest, me and you can find a way to make it all like that, and maybe that's a lot for some people. So wow. So we're experiencing beauty. And that changes the game. That changes the entire game, because now all of the normal. Venues where we would seek beauty or seek to be beautiful both. Are shifted. I mean, the beauty industry was going to look this up because I was thinking beauty and I, you know, so it's so often tied to spending money so that we can look a certain way often like we are 20 or 25. Please reference my past podcast episode about being old and how maybe it's. Actually better. And the freedom that can come as we begin to learn. That there are very valuable traits and ways of being as we age older than 25 and lean into it, lean into the old instead of chasing and scrabbling back after the 25. So as we know so often the beauty industry is. This this machine, if you will, that is trying to get us to spend money so that we can look a certain way that is considered quote UN quote beautiful and it turns that all on its head, doesn't it if we. If there's no way to be beautiful, if instead I mean, I'm just thinking of how I spend my money if instead of trying to be beautiful, I'm working on nourishing my skin, I'm working on allowing or encouraging or in empowering my body. To feel healthy. To feel strong, to feel clean. All of those change the entire dialogue. If I'm no longer worried about being beautiful, it changes how I will choose to spend my money. It changes you know, those those things that we get in our feed that are like spend this money and you won't have that spend this money and make yourself more beautiful and it's everywhere. And if I can change my programming so that I see those messages that tell me by this, and you'll be more beautiful than. I I can learn to spend less and less money on things that are chasing something that is not actually a real thing. Being beautiful as an. That's that's huge. Also, it sounds like I could see listening to this podcast while I'm working through this in my own mind and saying it out loud. I could see the thought process that I am talking myself out of job as far as my interior design work goes, because isn't that about making our house? In our home, beautiful as a noun. And I am here to tell you that's exactly not what I'm doing. Because the way that I approach design for myself in my home with my clients in their homes, the way that I am approaching that. Is all about the experience of beauty. And what is possible when we experience beauty as a verb when we are able to walk into our home and of a long day and our home experience is, yeah, girl, that was tough. You're amazing. I got you. Now come sit down. I got this. Nook for you, you can have your wine here. This is the perfect place. And you are an amazing human. What? I mean that to me is the benefit of design and not just not just the end of a long day. It's also me waking up in the morning and saying. Oh, this feels good. This feels. This feels beautiful. I feel beautiful when I wake up. Maybe me right? Like. I don't know if you can. Hear that fire engine cool. Maybe it's that I feel beautiful. Me myself. And I like. I, Mandy feel beautiful, but maybe it's I, Nandy, and feeling the beautiful that is around me. I am feeling that reaction that happens inside of me when I get to interact with beauty. And I wake up, and how much different is my day going to be if I wake up and my bedroom, the first thing I see when I open my eyes is. Allowing me to feel that reaction of beauty in my body. If I come downstairs and I am making myself my coffee drink y'all, I am obsessed with everyday dose. I drink it. Multiple cups a day, but I I feel like it's a valid, reasonable obsession. Really. Do you and I and I assess it regularly. Is this healthy? Not healthy. Anyway, I'm obsessed. I literally have one right now. It's like 2:30 in the afternoon and. I just need myself another cup. Because I like it and it's everyday. To us and it's wonderful. They are not sponsoring this, but if they would like to, I will sing their praises even more. So what would it be like if I go down in the morning to? Make. My everyday dose. And I get to experience beauty as I do that. I mean, I I'm kind of obsessive about my coffee mugs. I have very strict standards about them, and if you're watching the video, you can see this is one of my three favorite coffee mugs. All of them are similar. They just have different letters. On them they are these suckers. Are I just here. Look, let me tell you my criteria, my personal criteria. I like a big mug because I want to drink a lot of coffee or I don't drink coffee. I want to drink a lot of my everyday dose. I want to drink a lot of tea. I don't want to have to go get another cup. I don't feel dainty. So as much as I would love to be that person who has antique little teacups and they're so beautiful and vintage, I would love that. In theory. I would love that. That would be a great beauty factor for me and the utility. The form would be there and the function would fall short of my criteria. So even if I start with form. There is a minimum of function that must be reached for me to be able to enjoy the form and my favorite coffee bugs. They've got the beauty because they follow also the beauty of the experience that I want, which is not refilling my cup. All of the time. So large I want a large mug. I want a mug that is not super wide. I want it to be more narrow because it gets cold fast and I like mine hot like surface of the sun. On Equinox just getting equinox is on Earth whatever I want it the surface of the sun hot it better be toasty and stay that way as long as possible. And if it's like a really wide mouth, kind of like a bowl, kind of a coffee mug, then it. Just cools off. Too fast. It makes me angry. The other thing is that I want it to be pretty. I I want a good color I want but I also like simplicity. So these mugs that I love of love are black and white. They have letters on them which you know, I'm just such a word nerd. And I opted for the weird letters. I got X&Q&J because I think they're interest. Thing and and mysterious somehow. And all of those things are beautiful to me. They they spark beauty. I like that. You know how we say spark joy? Yeah. What if we? What if we're sparking beauty and we stop? Man this. Is good, you guys. If we stop using beauty as a verb. As a noun. If we stop using beauty as a noun and we start using it like we're going to spark beauty in myself in others. Right, so you spark it in people, you spark beauty just like we spark joy. That is so much better. Yeah. Then I can have my coffee mugs. This spark beauty in the morning and doesn't my day just it's better. I mean, I there are so many scientific references to how our environments impact us that is out there to tell us how much our surroundings affect us. You know, if you've seen my Ted talk, I say. That there was a study that was done. They studied how long people were in the hospital and these people had had similar surgeries. I think it was appendectomies don't quote me on that, but it was all like similar medical situation. It's not like one person was in for a cut and the other person was in for open heart surgery, right? It's similar things done and the people who had a view out their hospital window that had trees and nature, those people, and it was the same hospital. So it was all the same staff. Through the wing of the hospital that looked out onto nature. Those people stayed in the hospital an average of a day shorter, less time than the people whose who were on the other hospital wing, and their room looked out to a brick wall. And just that right. The interior of the hospital room was the same. The staff is the same. It's the same hospital. It's the same surgery that they've had, and you even that out over all the patients where some are going to stay longer just because they may be older, they may have health conditions. All of those factors were evened out by the size of the study, and even still, it stuck out as a massive difference. Between the people who had nature outside the window and the people who did not, the people with the nature, with the trees, got to experience the spark of that beauty. What else do we need to know? I bet that if we find. Anything this is? Anything that we find out there that's talking to us about? How going out into nature can prolong our life? How laughing more can prolong our life? Dancing more can prolong our life, I argue right now. Today, from this moment of thinking about it. Right this very second, I argue that. That is because all of those things are us experiencing beauty all of. Those. The result of dancing, the result of being in nature, those are all the result of laughing. Laughing is experiencing that spark of beauty. That changes our entire existence. Now this purges into something that's really interesting. I think it's all really interesting when I work with couples and we are trying to figure out how to combine design styles. That are not exactly the same. There's something that you know she likes this style. He likes that style. Let's just say. She wants it to be a little more cozy and classic, and he likes modern and minimalist. OK, the what I have found as the most effective way to find good common ground is to figure out why each of those people are drawn to what they're drawn to. So. If the wife likes classic, which can mean a lot of things. So she likes classic a little bit more detail, a little bit more historical references, definitely more chotchkie's to whatever degree that is, than minimalism and. If she likes that, what is it that she likes? If you like classic, do you like that? It feels grounded? It feels rooted in something true and real. It doesn't feel too froo froo it doesn't feel too chaotic or trendy. It doesn't feel trendy. So you like that it's timeless. You like that? It's. A level of simplicity because. Is I'm not picturing maximalism when I'm talking about classic, so there's a level of simplicity to that, maybe less simple than minimalism. It's not stark like minimalism can be, so there's a coziness and inviting this factor to it. OK, so these are all the pieces that maybe she likes when she comes home. That's what she's going for. She's actually not going for classic design style. She is going for those feelings. She's going for those experiences of beauty in her home. If he likes minimalism. What is it that he likes about that? What is he drawn to? If I tap into the part of myself that appreciates minimalism, and certainly people who, this is their major style, would have more to say about it. But if I tap into the part of myself that understands that I'm going to say that minimalism serves the function. Of being clean, simple, completely, not chaotic, organized. It's orderly and it's simple. It's not distracting. So I'm sure that a minimalist could give us even more reasons. Those to me are the ones that stand out and they want to come home. In this scenario, this guy wants to come home and he wants to experience that form of beauty. Simple, uncluttered doesn't say basic, but it's not the way we use basic now. The basic and the simplicity and the ease and the the orderliness of it. So what's amazing is that we can start to map that and say I really want to get these five things or these six things out of my environment and the other person can say cool, I want to get these four things out of my environment. This is what's really important to me when we are designing for these things, we can find some classic things that fit. These six criteria, and she can find some minimalist things that fit her 4 criteria. And we can also. Together as a team, figure out how to make that balance be intentional and cohesive throughout the home, so maybe the shell of the House is very minimal and fits his vision and his version of beauty that he wants to experience. And maybe then. We start to add in classic pieces in the shape of the sofa. Or a piece of artwork. Or maybe she has, like, a fluffy Mongolian cheap hair pillow. If we start adding in enough detail and enough of the experience that she wants to have, they both will feel fulfilled by that space and they both will experience. See, when they walk into it, when they spend time in it, and both of them can be happy with the outcome of that. So what an amazing way to understand how we can have these conversations about interior design. In the South and in the home with this context of the theory that beauty is an experience. That happens inside of us and if we are asking the question, what sparks beauty in me, I think we. Can get a. Lot further I think we can get a lot more clarity. About our homes. How to interact with other people? What we spend our money. And. Self talk, we can have much better conversations with ourselves. If we drop beauty as a noun. And start using the verb that it is and stop telling ourselves I'm not beautiful enough. OK, maybe I'm speaking for myself. I know I'm not the only one. If we can drop the narrative. I'm not beautiful enough. I need to be more beautiful. And we shift that into. I can experience beauty. I can spark beauty. I can feel the spark of beauty. Making that shift is is massive. That's that's a game changer right there. And and I'm excited about it. I just thought of it right now that's going to change a whole lot for me. Because I you know what I mean as an interior designer, I think I hold it as something that I am supposed to have. Beautiful outfits, beautiful fashion. My home is supposed to be beautiful in some. Objective way that seems not obtainable, unobtainable is that a word. It seems unobtainable because. As I talk about it, more in wider and wider circles, there are more and more diverse people that are hearing it and they may or may not think my outfit is beautiful or my personal home is beautiful and how much freedom is there. If I'm shifting that dialogue from myself to myself, if I'm shifting that to say I experience beauty and I empower and and support others in experiencing. That's a game changer because I experienced beauty with all of the things I'm wearing right now, and that means it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it because I'm wearing them and I'm experiencing them as beautiful. I'm sitting in my office and I'm experiencing my surroundings as beautiful. I I'm curious. As I as I think about the ramifications of that, I'm curious what all of you think what what are the spheres of your life that it shifts to to make that shift in? How? You're. Experiencing beauty and how you're using the word beauty because I I would guess. I mean, tell me if you relate to the examples I've given. I'm curious to which examples I haven't even thought of yet, so please tell me how this comes across to you and what you notice in yourself. When? You consider dropping beauty as a noun. Just we're just going to get rid of it. What if we delete it out of the dictionary? There is no beauty as a noun. It just says beauty noun. See beauty verb. Reference reference the entry for beauty verb because beauty is an experience that we get to feel inside ourselves inside our body. Well, that's what I have for you today. I feel like I have a lot more to say about this because this was an unreserved. Experience. So I may just do another episode on it and actually I would love to do an episode that includes your comments and your thoughts so that I could I could include those in the conversation because I I just. Think. You guys probably have. A lot to say about this. This is huge. I'm really excited about it. Thank you for joining me today for messy designs life and discussing design in all its forms, especially within our own selves. And I look forward to next time. See you again. And in the meantime, enjoy your messy designed life.