Messy Designed Life
Life is messy - if we do it right. Let's dive in and get dirty as we examine who we are, why we do what we do and how we can learn to better enjoy this 'human thing'. Together, we'll explore the power and magic of intentionally designing your life, your home and your self as Neuro-Linguisitic Programming (NLP) meets Interior Design meets Armchair Philosophy.
Messy Designed Life
Ep. 11 Creating Space for Who You're Becoming, Part 1
What if your space could help you become the person you want to be? In our latest two-part episode of Messy Designed Life, I sit down with my amazing friend and design client, Laura Nelson, to explore how intentional design isn’t just about making a room look great—it’s about shaping your future self. We dive into how creating a home that reflects the emotions and energy you want can help you get clear on your vision and step into the version of yourself you’re meant to become.
Hello, you lovely soul you.
I'm Mandy straight and this is Messy Designed Life. A podcast that explores the power and magic of intentionally designing your life, your home and yourself. Explore all that is this messy designed life.
Hello this is Mandy with Messy Designed Life. The podcast where we talk about interior design some of the time and interior like self interior design a lot of the time and today I am having a discussion with my wonderful, incredibly amazing friend / design client for a long time, Laura Nelson. We met did we decide 10 years ago?
Laura
Yeah, probably. Yep, that sounds right.
Mandy
I mean, no, it's more. No, it's more. It would have been 2012/2011. So that's like 12 years ago, yeah. OK, so we go way back. And it's been a journey, which is what we're going to talk about today, because you've been in your same home that whole 12 years and it's gone through some phases and we've gotten to, I have been so fortunate to be able to support you through those phase changes and and help, I don't know, we'll talk, we'll get into it with clarity. Be with how you want your space to feel and who you want to be inside of it. So tell me, let's go back to the beginning and we don't have to tell the story in depth. But you came in and just wanted a little bit in your home 12 years ago.
Laura
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was fresh out of a really long term breakup and and, you know, buying this house was a really big step at that point of kind of claiming my own space and and kind of releasing the thoughts of you know, I thought I was going to do it with this partner and, and so you're finding you was kind of kismet, you know, because I'd held on to this folder that I'd had from a company that you had stopped working with or were almost stopping working with and and so kind of calling you and then having you show up. And we were similar ages and things and life was so great because, you know, I was really trying to find myself post breakup and you really came in and you just helped me with your decisiveness, your clarity. You were able to hone in on who I was so fast
Mandy
It’s so funny, I don't know that very many people in my life would call me decisive. So thank you very, very much. I’ll take it. I'll take it.
Laura
Absolutely, absolutely. And yeah, and it's like, yeah, you. It was just so meaningful. You know, the way that you helped me during that time. And it was a big moment in my life. I remember when I closed on the house, I went outside and cried for two reasons. One was just all the grief you know of this transition that I had had, but the other part was I was so proud of myself, you know, it was this big deal to buy my own house and whatnot. And so at every phase that I've worked with you, having your support of making the experience fun and easy and inspired has meant the world to me.
Mandy
Laura
Well, so this most recent time. So she helped me with a project with the boyfriend that I had was no longer in the picture. And then this most recent project was a big overhaul and redesign of the house and, and and it could have been very overwhelming because of the scope of it. But again, the ease and the fun that I had with it and what was so great was I felt like you pushed my boundaries of who I even knew I was through design. You know that?
I would say over half the people that have come in this house all they say is, “This is so you.”
Mandy
And here's my question. Is that how you feel when you walk in the house?
Laura
Absolutely.
Mandy
Laura
It's it's like the best part of me, you know? So it it inspires me, you know, I'm looking at my really fun wallpaper and my entryway right now. And, you know, it’s gorgeous.
Mandy
Laura
And then I thought, you know, this pink wall behind me that feels like my inner 6 year old is just. You know, so excited about that, you know, and this is my office. So I bring this to work. You know? I’m at my work and yeah, that's some energy right now, right there like, I mean.
Mandy
Yeah, it is. And you see it, you're seeing. I know it's behind you, but like you're seeing that as you're in your work self.
Laura
Mandy
Tell me more about that. Because that's where we want to go today, right? The, the topic that Laura and I talked about was home and self worth and the interconnected relationship with those two things. So tell me a little bit more about that than on days when you're not feeling maybe that that awesome full version of yourself your home is there.
Laura
Yeah, it's these structures of, you know, I do have a pink wall, you know, that's who I am. Is someone who has a pink wall in their office and and and even I remember when I started moving back in. And I've got these great green cabinets in my kitchen and they're really high.
Mandy
Yeah. They're so pretty.
Laura
They’re so pretty and, and they're really nice cabinets. And so I, I you know, we designed an island and so I'm opening up, you know and that was a big overhaul. The green was a big overhaul. The layout was a big overhaul. It opened everything up, gave it some vibrancy. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of vibrancy.
Yeah, and. And so I'm just, I remember opening up and closing. You know, I've got this cool spice drawer and I'm like, Oh my! You know it's got the soft close drawers. And I said, This is so nice. This is my house!
Mandy
And you know it's, it's interesting because I think there are a lot of little … trigger is maybe not the right word,maybe you can find a better word. There are a lot of little triggers. I think that we come up against in every area of our lives that tell us this is who you are. You're the kind of person who you're the kind of person who has these green cabinets. You're the kind of person who has soft clothes and a spice drawer.
Laura
Exactly.
Mandy
This is not just our homes, but our homes are a pretty big deal in that relationship with understanding who we are.
Laura
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, it really, you know, and it's interesting just thinking of, you know, we kind of touched on two examples of where I was at both these phases of my life and and and being really ready to step into step into my fabulousness of a pink - purple wall and really need to own and. And so it was kind of both these things of
Mandy
Laura
Right. My home was that my remodel was a reflection of where I was, but it also you helped me. Even take it further to stretch myself further, I would say, you know what I mean, where I think sometimes whether it's the clothes that we're wearing or the jobs that we have or the partners that we have Are a reflection of ourselves and when that gets outdated, it's not helpful. But for you to match me and even more. You know, like I'm, I'm still growing into this house.
Mandy
My gosh, that's beautiful. Yeah.
Yeah, you know the word that comes to mind when you're saying that - and I'm curious if it resonates with you. And if so, maybe you can share what it brings up. There's a word that comes to me that's “claim”, like you're claiming this possibility of yourself.
Laura
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. There's a claiming. There's ownership.
Mandy
And that's risky. Like, let's not be light about this, right? Like that's risky to, I mean, just to use this concrete example, it's risky to say I'm going to spend a lot of money. I'm getting green cabinets. I'm going to paint my wall. This amazing like eggplant-y pink, purple. And I'm going to step into the unfamiliar territory of being a different version of me. Or let me rephrase that, because I've been working on some of this, it's not a different version. It's a more true, deeper, more real version.
Laura
That's right. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it's an interesting thing too, because kind of what's been going on and broadly in my life is that, you know, I've been in a new role as an executive. It's a really fast growing kind of challenging, exciting role and. And so to have my home space really reflect this elevation in my career has been really helpful for that all to match and I I had a 16 year old car that I loved that honestly I don't know if I was really ready to get rid of it, but all of these things I was calling this remodel, really my upgrade, you know, it's an upgrade year and, and I actually was debating when to get a new car. It was kind of time, you know, when you just know it's time.
Mandy
I know, yeah.
Laura
And then I I was like, no, I want to close out 2023 with the new car because I just want, I want to round out that year so that it's just, you know, it's a full upgrade and it's not, you know, it's not always about material possessions, but I think especially depending on who you are. And for me, I've always been really clear that my clothing is a very iImportant kind of structure that helps me feel fabulous. Feel like myself own my space. And so to really do that in my home with a kind of a different level of ownership because of the the cost. I know how to dress myself, you know, but there's a deeper cost and then also it's a lot of decisions and it's very you're that's why I think partnering with someone like you so critical because to have someone to help you so that you make decisions that you're you're proud of for years to come is invaluable. And then again, it made the process fun. You know what I mean? They may not have before. Yeah. I'm just really proud of myself for investing.
Mandy
Yeah, yeah.
Laura
Yeah. For for going for it and investing in. And you know, again, it's been 10 years that I own a house or 12 or 11, and so for a long time, there was a part of me that wasn't ready to take that jump of worthiness and self-expression and kind of spend that money. So it was, it was interesting coming back in and then reflecting on, OK, you weren't ready before now, and that's OK. Yep. Did I wait a long time? A long time. I wasn't ready. And and what? What? Yeah, what was going on there? So. So, and that's interesting.
Mandy
What do you know what the impetus was? What was the thing? Or was there one thing or many things that came to you and you were like? Now it's it's got to shift and it's worth the risk, like you said, monetarily, effort-wise to redefine and re question who you are, that's a lot of risk.
Laura
Yeah. So I would say one thing, and you were with me for pieces of this. If you recall, it's interesting thinking about it now. So I had refinanced, kind of when rates were really low during the pandemic, and so I had all this money waiting and we interviewed people. Remember that we interviewed some contractors. It didn't work out.
Mandy
Laura
OK. Yeah. And and so that's another piece of this process, you know. And so one of my mentors was really like this is about … ohh God this is so good to think about. Thank you so much. I'm so glad we're having this conversation. So good was really trusting my gut of who do I want to work with, you know? And I remember saying so many people, you know, especially a lot in Denver, because there's just been so much growth for so long. But during the pandemic, so many people were doing home projects and they weren't going well and prices were skyrocketing and people just had all these really flaky general contractors. And I was like, I'm not doing that.
Mandy
How pivotal is it a part of any growth, right to say, not that. Yeah, not that one. Yes. I'm open to growing. Not like that. And that has to happen and I think it's it's so wonderful to hear you refer to it this way because it's so true that as we try to grow, it can seem like setbacks. It can seem like failures. We could frame it that way. You could be framing it that way. Well, we tried this and wow, it's just too hard. Nobody says contractors are reliable and instead you said, “I will find a contractor that's reliable. That's not it. That's not it. Thank you. No, thank you.” Still open to growth but not like that.
Laura
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think, and I think the process of a remodel, so if you, if you remember when I moved out, I started this new job the week I moved out of my house, and so I was living in three different places with my cat during a remodel.
Mandy
Laura
While I was traveling.
Mandy
Laura
With a new walk with a new job. You know that. And so all of that could have just been. You know, I mean so much new. You know so much new and.
Mandy
What was the thing that you're like? Maybe this isn't the way to say it. Correct me if it there's a better way. What was your focal point through that that helped. Maybe it wasn't perfect all the time, but that helped to cushion that frustration or what was required for all of those discomforts on the way to where you knew you were headed.
Laura
I think, well, I think I was really focused on it all being easy. And I was also and that's where again I was resourced with you.
Mandy
Laura
Yeah. Yeah. Going through another breakup during that time too, yeah. Oh, my gosh, yes, yes.
Yeah, and, and so all of thatWas easy to do all that at once? Well, it's thought it was, and even as I was going through it I was like, you know, and I had mail and bills going to the wrong place. I mean it was ridiculous and chaos.
Mandy
Chaos is so easy. It's simple.
Laura
Yeah, it's not easy, but it was just funny because I, you know, it was also me really stepping into this like newly kind of executive Laura.
Mandy
Laura
OK, what's what's the solution here? You know what I mean? I got a problem. What's the solution? And I and I, it was really the beginning of me, really stepping out of kind of victim mindset. And you know, some negativity. And I remember with some of I had some weird bill stuff going on and I was like OK, this is interesting. And but but between the bill stuff and the amount of decisions that I was making, it was also really calling me to be very… to have a lot of ownership and detail oriented like having the vision and the focus, but then also kind of being like, I need to dig in on this I need to dig in on this contract.
Mandy
It pointed out to you what was required to get to that focal point.
Laura
Mandy
Oh yeah. I like that. That's really good.
Laura
Yeah. And really, you know, sometimes I can stay a little high level on things. And so it was like, no, you need to read the contracts, you know you need to be this and and so yeah, there were just like, I mean I, you know, I basically ate like egg sandwiches multiple times a week for four months because
Mandy
I love egg sandwiches. Honestly. Yeah. Underrated.
Laura
Yeah, exactly. I I always think of them. They're my dad's. Like, bachelor. The only thing he really knows how to cook. It is cute. Yeah. So, yeah, it's interesting. It's really great reflecting on that. Thank you. That was interesting, I mean as the timing again because I had refinanced and then we didn't, we planned the project probably a year and a half and then I didn't know what was going on with my job. I had this crazy boss. So then I was unemployed for seven months and want to know the leap of faith I made was we ordered the cabinets. I was like, OK, now I'm going to get a job. We ordered the cabinets. We started on it, but I had also kind of said with them, let's order the cabinets but I can't really start until I have a job.
Mandy
I remember you starting and being like I don't have a job yet. I'll. I'll get one and I'm starting, just doing it. Yeah, I remember you saying that and I was like, “that girl. It's nothing's going to stop her.”
Laura
Yeah, I'm so proud of myself that whole, the whole experience from the refinance from the general contractor to the yeah, the no job. I was unemployed, longer than I wanted to be longer than I had planned on which was OK. But you know, it was, you know, I adjust to that.
Mandy
Yeah, yeah. I think there are so many people, probably I mean myself maybe slightly compared to you that we're like, yeah, that's fine. You know, like this is fine and and it can be so easy to - complacent seems too strong, honestly, but it can be easy to fall into something of like, “This isn't affecting me”. Maybe that's more, you know, like. Oh, it's fine. This isn't affecting me. Can you, can you speak to this? You said this is affecting how you show up in your work. The fact that it's different than it was. Do you think it was affecting you before you changed it?
Laura
That's a good question. Yeah, I think I definitely had a story around the investment of money and yeah, where you choose to put your money. And, you know, I think there is, for me, there's like, I've always wanted to travel more, but I've never. I I would like, buy a shirt and go out to dinner before I save money to travel or something like that. You know just as an example and so there was a big shift here. And I mean obviously the refinance was a big piece of it, but then there was just, you know. Any remodel you know, you you continue to expand the scope expands?
Mandy
Correct. Yeah.
Laura
Yeah. So, so there was a big investment on it and I, so I do think there are stories of who I was, what I could do on my own, a lot of patterns probably around my finances. Yeah. And again, you just look at all of it right now and it's like you know, my health is great and you know my career is great and it's very challenging, but it's very thriving and it's all reflecting each other and yeah.
Mandy
Right. Reflecting each other, right? Yeah, that's that's so true that it's all pieces that are reflecting back. This is who I am so I can show up as that person. This is me. I'm so I can show up as a person and curious to you said and I'm going to use my my computer right here. You said in the word “invest” in the project. “Invest” in yourself. In so many of my episodes, maybe all of them, I don't know, I bring up etymology and I'm so curious to actually consider the etymology of “invest”, because there's clearly there's “in” right like it's in, we're INvesting, we're in something so I'm curious what the “-vest” part is though. “Vest” is to dress or clothe. Also, “giving one's capital a new form”.
Laura
Absolutely. Hmm.
Mandy
So so when I just read that I mean I'm just skimming the Etymology dictionary online, but I start to think that investment is goes hand in hand with the idea of some sort of transformation, because if it's to clothe and you’re clothing differently, or if it's, what was what was the other one… oh, to give one's capital a new form. So if there's, if investment goes hand in hand with the concept or the understanding or the reality of having a new form because you're putting something in with intention in a different way, that's really interesting to, then to then translate that investment to your home, to self, to life, to health, back to home, to self.
Laura
Yeah, absolutely. OK. So I had, I have some more thoughts that's like really interesting and it's surprising that I would even kind of talk about this on a podcast, but-
Mandy
My 12 people that listen to me right now, not to limit that - the 12,000 people who will hear you talk.
Laura
That's right. That's right. So it's interesting again sort of all of these things kind of reflecting each other in these choices. So my role that I have right now, you know I have equity in the company. I've also invested in the company, which is a really big deal because I probably, that's not something I would probably have done before my remodel at the degree that I -
Mandy
Laura
And, and even buying a new car and the process that I went through with that. So it's very interesting, really looking at the the refinancing, the timing of the remodel and and and it all being this reflection of so much, the work that I've done on myself and then sort of the domino effects of the capital investment in my life that I've made, yeah.
Mandy
Wow, yeah. Wow, that's huge. What do you feel like you found in yourself that allowed that to be possible now? I mean, I know the experiment, if we want to call it that, to do that in your home was part of it. But, but what is that thing in you now that you say, “Oh, yeah. I'll invest more in the company
Laura
Yeah, well, it was, you know, there was an evaluation. It was a bet on myself.
Mandy
MHM, MHM.
Laura
You know, it's it's being really excited about what's going on at the company and that I'm, you know, I've equity. I'm an owner in the company, right?
Mandy
Laura
And so I also want to invest in that and I want to bet on. I'm betting on myself and I'm betting on the team and I'm betting on the opportunity and you don't always get opportunities like this.
Mandy
I hear a lot of trust in there, too. Yeah, to be able to get the trust in yourself, to be able to place those bets yourself on what you think is going to pan out and like, be a good investment, right? And choose to operate differently. You know what I mean?
Laura
Choosing to use my money differently, choosing to you know, create different future opportunities for myself and it is a risk, it's all a risk, but it's it's all it felt. There's a lot of clarity in that and and then it also was like kind of what I was saying with you pushing me to be a little bit more past where I was maybe ready to be, this was a choice that was like, no, this is who future Laura is.
Yeah, and that's what I've been asking myself a lot recently. Especially I've got some kind of old habits that are kind of lingering around and and so I'm. I'm just like, OK, here's what. What does future Laura want? What would she do?
Mandy
Amazing. Yeah. And I don't have it all figured out yet, but that question does resonate with me. You know, there is an amazing - my favorite podcast episode maybe on the planet is a Radio Lab episode called Words, and they talk about the significance of the words we used, which I was obsessed with. The words we use. Anyway, this just kind of gave language to it haha. And part of what they talk about is that in different languages there is a big separation between present and future. English has a very big separation. Present and future are separate. The way that our language is structured, future is over there. It's not here. It's different and ne’er there the two shall meet, right? And other languages such as Japanese, future is something that's also present, right? It's like it's a part of the present. And because that's the languaging, it's how, it's how the understanding comes about. Because the language is what's bringing the understanding. So I think it's very powerful to be doing what you're saying and creating a relationship with future self means that a current relationship. If I have a current relationship with my future self and my future is actually a part of now, which means that I can make decisions for now for the future me. And it's not just this separate thing. I think so often when it is separate, it's easy to say, Oh yeah, I don't know. It's out there. I'll think about it later. It doesn't affect me. but when it's a current relationship, it's so much more clear how that effect happens.
Laura
Yeah. And even you know, so before this week started, I was writing down goals of, you know, what are my goals for this week that are align? And with what I want to be creating and really just starting to prioritize better and better and better of who, where I want to be, who I want to be, you know, and some of my focus areas are like, you know, health and habit focus and then some are, you know, my dreams and you know, work related and yeah. So I'm, you know, yeah, I think it's that's really beautiful about the Japanese that resonates deeply.
Mandy
I mean really even below that it's the words we use, and it's also much more deeply, the way that we have decided to understand something, right? And if it's not serving us or if it like in this this overarching example of this conversation. If you decide that the version that you are, you're starting to notice where it kind of rubs and chafes and isn't, you know…The question is, how can the narrative change? How can the understanding and the relationships that I might be taking for granted or that I think have to be the way that they are? How can I question those and say what else is possible here?
Laura
Yep, Yep. A lot of that going on right now. Yeah, figuring out those pieces and pockets and then kind of digging in big time.