The William Arthur Show
The William Arthur Show
EP 34: Coaches Round Table | Men’s Mental Health
Wild Bill, Robster Lobster (Rob Heilgendorf), Zach Barney and Ryan Witherspoon~ four cosmic brothers sit down to share conversation and space within the subject matter of men's psychological health. We share our personal experiences, and tools that have helped us on our path. Always reach out for support if you need it, we are here.
Connect with us:
Rob Heilgendorf:
https://www.instagram.com/theconsciouswelder/
Zach Barney:
https://www.instagram.com/zachbarney.lm/
Ryan Witherspoon:
https://www.instagram.com/soul.mountain_coaching/
Wild Bill's plugs:
http://instagram.com/thewilliamarthurshow
https://www.instagram.com/wildbillwellness/
http://instagram.com/williamarthurjewelry
Y'all, welcome back to the show, which I'm still in the middle of a rebrand, and haven't renamed. There are some potential prospects. What was the William Arthur Show will be re identifying as something else when the time is right. Not the most important aspect to be communicating here. What is important is that I'm here with three amazing brothers, which I've gotten to know throughout the years, uh, at various phases, and... I respect you all very much and very grateful for this moment in time for us to come together, create and share, um, our journeys and, and what we've been through and our unique wisdom that we've cultivated throughout our lives. Today, we are going to be discussing men's mental health, which I find an incredibly relevant topic considering the staggering. statistics that are currently present within our society. I'm not sure the exact numbers, I just know that, um, male suicide rates are profoundly higher than that of females, and men are much more likely to be addicted to Substances and display antisocial behaviors and really just as a society as a whole, you know, even if you're a female listening to this, of course, this will be relevant as well as we all go through things and we're all, um, you know, facing internal battles in various seasons of our life. So I wanted to bring these powerful men together to have a discussion about, you know, what's occurring in our personal experiences. With mental health and, you know, the things we've been through, the things we've witnessed others go through and just illuminate the conversation, uh, around it because right now, more than ever, we need leaders stepping up to share their voice, our powers in our voice, our perspectives, um, and our wisdom and our direct experience with these particular things. And your story, our story could save another human's life. And that's definitely one of the main intentions for, uh, the direction of today's show to share our individual stories with. Yeah, what's occurred and, and what we've witnessed as I stated, and one thing that comes to mind for me right now is two people from Rob and I's hometown, one which we were very close with growing up, and another which we are indirectly connected to, Cedarbury being a very small, uh, suburban town of about 12, 000 people, have both taken their lives, one very recently, and then one earlier this year, so, um, that has lit a fire under my ass, and also me being someone who has Ben in the darkness, Ben in the depths, and I know we all have to, to a certain degree, and with that, we all have our own unique medicine to share. So first and foremost, I'm your boy, Wild Bill. Introduce yourselves, Robster Lobster, say what's up? Ha
Zach:Robster
Bill:ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha Robster. to share
Zach:Yeah, Zach here. And, uh, I'm first is really grateful to have this conversation to be here. It feels like a little men's circle, a little, it's, uh, we're no gathering around the fire and just sharing from our heart what's coming up. So first want to express that gratitude to be in this space and to have this opportunity to share and share this moment with you all also. And, uh, yeah, for, for me, it's. It's very important it, this awareness around men's healing, um, really started with myself, uh, having a ayahuasca journey where in that night I had so much revelation around the importance of this. I remember just crying the whole night, like, and I also realized that as a man, I didn't have the opportunity. To just express that, like, sadness and cry. And it was the first time I really let it go. And since then, I've known that this is something that is a part of my life mission. Something that's really important. Me being embodied as a man to heal myself. And also support other men in their path of healing. So, yeah, I'm really grateful to share and men's circle right now.
Bill:be Richmond with
Ryan:What up, Um, Ryan, super excited to be here in, uh, Richmond with these guys. And, uh, I've been looking forward to this. And, uh, yeah, this is, is real important. This is one of the ways that we connected all three of us or all four of us was to was through men's work. And, uh, Yeah, having this conversation is just important because you're saying we've all been in some depth, you know, in darkness and moving through it. And, and, uh, experience when I've been able to move through it and just be seen by other men is what helps me Not, fixing me or anything, but to just be seen process of
Robster Lobster:Let's
Ryan:human. We're all full spectrum and we get it. You know, we get it all. So I'm excited.
Bill:Let's fucking go. So, we're getting it. Uh, unfortunately, Robster Lobsters, I hope his introduction got picked up on one of your mics. Somehow the lavalier, you know, technical difficulties. This is my first four way. I don't know about you guys, but we got a lot of, uh, technology.
Zach:way, man, I love
Bill:First four way with men I love and I respect. Like, what a, what a...
Robster Lobster:I've had plenty of four and respect,
Zach:yeah, just to paint
Robster Lobster:the first.
Bill:How lucky are we?
Zach:we
Bill:So yeah, just to paint the picture of where we are, we're in Richmond, Virginia. Um, we are so fortunate to be here right and to be preparing ourselves for the Enlifted Experience. And I feel a great place to start would be to express some of the trials and tribulations, some of the firewalks we've walked ourselves, some of the darkness we've been through, what showed up for us in terms of... Inner battles and and what we've had to face our inner demons because that shows up for everyone and especially for men
Robster Lobster:um,
Bill:Most men are they don't have safe spaces to go to they don't have other men or to to show up in a circle with to show up around a fire with To truly express where they're at, be seen and accepted and loved for, you know, where they are. Obviously being inherently lovable, worthy individuals. And that's fuel on the fire for worsening things, of course. And many men don't have... The, the wherewithal, the understanding of how to express themselves. So that's another intention for me today is to recognize that these things are completely normal and inherent in the human experience. Um, whether it's a specific, you know, mental health ailment, whether it's insecurity, whether it's addiction, all these different things, so many of us bump up against these challenges and a lot of us hide it because we don't feel like it's okay to, to, to be that we deem ourselves unworthy on an unconscious level. Um, because we're experiencing these things and because they're showing up when that's absolutely not the case. Um, so for me throughout my life, uh, I got involved in drugs and alcohol quite young, around age 13, started smoking cannabis, started drinking alcohol, alcohol being very deeply ingrained in Wisconsin culture and U S culture as a whole, and of repression and suppression of my, uh, emotions.
Robster Lobster:began.
Bill:Uh, at first, it being something I sought after for fun, and then something I used as a crutch to avoid what was coming up within me. So ultimately... That led to a massive internal pressure within myself and led to many other issues, depression, anxiety, um, lack of emotional evolution and my ability to express and feel my emotions because I constantly push things away through these mind altering substances and that impacted my relationships and then there was loneliness. And then there's so much disconnection that comes with all that. And then ultimately just a feeling of being super lost. And grew up without a father, so I didn't have any sort of, I had some role models around me, uh, but none of any depth and, and, and no men to really show me how to walk in a way where I could feel free as a man and, and learn how to like share these things with others. And I remember. I went to therapy once, court ordered, and it was this lady named Joy, and it just like, it did not work at all. The only specific memory I have of this, a mental health professional, um, which is important we say for the current state of affairs of where maybe many mental health professionals are at, but I told her what I wanted to do. I wanted to be an artist, I wanted to be a jewelry maker, and what she told me, she was a straight dream crusher, she told me that, you know how hard that would be, that was the seed she planted in my mind, so just to paint the picture of, Like how I was misguided what I didn't have and ultimately I'm very grateful for this path which has led me to where I am and to to being right here right now with you guys and and into and lifted and and into personal development work and men's work and emotional work because right now we need this shit Um, as I had stated earlier in the show, the staggering mental health statistics and really, you know, what's happening in our society as a whole with mental and emotional well being, when really, Uh, it's interesting because it's all about coming back to the basics. Um, so obviously there's so much more there to unpack. Um, I'll just leave it at that for now. I'm going to pass it to Robster Lobster again. If there's anything there for you, you want to share about your journey in terms of challenges you've bumped up against, and things that have been hard for you and challenging that you feel would be important for someone to hear. And, and because, you know, we all can relate over these,
Robster Lobster:sorts of things. Hmm. Yeah. I mean, not really a specific moment comes up. It's just over the years of realizing That as a kid, with like the adult men I've had in my own life just like be a man, like that was always just, you know, why, crying? Like, there's no reason for you to be crying. And it's, you know, I didn't know why I was crying at the time while I was going through these, um, like
Ryan:with, with somebody.
Robster Lobster:And it's, uh, that's just my emotion trying to come out and being
Ryan:told
Robster Lobster:It wasn't valid, because reason to be feeling
Ryan:way, to be feeling sad. It definitely
Robster Lobster:weaned into my relationships.
Bill:Oh! It happened. It happened, you guys. The IKEA furniture broke. You probably heard the action unfold. If you're watching the video, you saw it, so lucky you.
Robster Lobster:so lucky you. Uh, that's
Bill:We'll just keep going. What's broken is broken. We'll try and fix it after. You know, this is what happens when you buy shitty furniture.
Zach:that's
Robster Lobster:in. We're just settling
Bill:settling in. This is,
Robster Lobster:is a
Bill:good sign. This is
Zach:it's a
Bill:it as a,
Robster Lobster:as a, yeah. Um,
Bill:a
Robster Lobster:yeah, Um, I'm sleeping on the floor That's great. Uh, Yeah, I, you know, I don't know if I forgot where I left off, but men,
Bill:yeah,
Robster Lobster:feeling, feeling them, talking to them about it. It's, it's, it's becoming clearer and clearer to me, the deeper we go into this work together with you three you know, as a team, as I go into it myself, that, um, it's taboo to talk about this. It's taboo to have this conversation. And Let's make it not that way, because we are humans, we are to feel this, and we to talk about these, uh, emotions, because if, if we don't, it's gonna lead to that statistic, which I believe is, uh, 80 percent of suicides are men, and that's insane. Like, like, what, what's happening? Where are we being pushed? To get to this point, like why are men starting to feel so alone and I think with having a community having the your life that you feel secure enough like you three to come to like hey, I'm feeling this way I'm having these things going on. It's not oh, I'm really sad or Things aren't going well for having a conversation around something whether it's something so minuscule Uh, to have the, like, have men in your own, men in your corner that can talk to you about that. So yeah, ultimately like finding that community and finding people you can trust in, um, to listen to you and if you want, like guidance or help through it. That's been my biggest thing is doing that. So that's why having. The Ice and Ironman's immersion was really huge for me and our own like the impact that that has and from what I've heard from people who are like, you know, they're not involved in it, but they, they see it and they would like, I've been told like, I'm really proud of you for doing this because it's happening and, um, group of guys like you to be around has been super helpful, especially with seeing, um, Um, having two um, you know, whatever, you know, drew them to be there, uh, hurts question it, but to understand like,
Bill:with others, that can
Zach:without... Growing up, being at home or even outside of home and, uh, yeah, just situations where emotions in myself would come up as a child and just reflecting on, uh, on it, not knowing how to express my emotions and then being punished for when I was expressing my emotions and then usually. After that, I would like, you know, go by my, by myself to my room to cry. And then, that's like the, the memory that's coming up for me. It's like, you know, wanting to express something, not knowing how to express it. Being punished when I didn't express it. And then it's like, then it's like the punishment. It's like, now you're going to be alone to, to sit with that. And I think that's, that's the programming. I remember and that I'm actively releasing in my process. It's like, instead of going to my room or like putting myself in that situation of like, okay, now I'm going to be alone to express my emotions. It's now being able to be in a circle, like be with other men and be like, okay, this is what is happening or this is what happened. Or, uh, just being able to express. Sadness or express anger, express frustration, and really be honest about what's coming up in a space where it's like, uh, we all understand each other because, uh, we've been in that situation in the past or something similar. And that's so powerful to just be witnessed in your story and to see the past. And then also what I see now, especially within lifted work is, uh, see the past and also see that we can change in the present moment and then moving forward and become, uh, better man, more connected with our emotions so that we can, you know, if we, for us, like we're young, but one day if we have children, it's like, we can show our children and be an example for them so that when they grow up, it's like, so we have, you know, say we have boys, right? We can show them like, Oh, this is how you can be a man. And like, um, in a new way, it's like, take them with us, like, show them, like, this is what we're doing with our work. This is what we're creating. Um, and be able to express like, this is something I want to share with you, like just having conversations and connecting. Um, and then that's like, what's coming up for me is just being changed. an example and embodying that example versus, uh, having to be like, Oh, I need to teach my children. It's more like, no, I can, I'm going to be the best version of myself and do that. I can share, uh, do my example also. so yeah, that's really something that's coming up for in this moment.
Robster Lobster:be the change.
Bill:Versus, uh, having to be It's so courageous, and it's so hard to go there when nobody that's in the elder position is showing you how that's done, right? And I assume most of us were in that position, it sounds like you were, right? Like, you were in a position where... You were facing some internal challenge emotionally and you needed to cry about it, but you were reprimanded for that behavior. So that instantly, your mind's like, well, this isn't good. I shouldn't be doing this. So you had to go do it alone. So that's just so beautiful that you're here right now and you've, you've, you've healed that. Um, and, and you've healed, uh, yeah, just you're, you've been able to make that change. And now moving forward, you've ended that cycle. You've ended that pattern. So
Ryan:beautiful.
Bill:Thank you, brother.
Ryan:Um, yeah. What's coming through for me is really. The topic around something I've discovered is like with the masculine and men, it's like, we want to fix things and we want to fix problems. So it's a common tendency like, when you do to a brother or, you know, another man for like, it may seem like help in the way, but you're, you're really just looking to be seen or just to express and stuff. And it's an immediate reaction for another man to project to fix the problem for you. that space creates this, like, Hierarchy of like, I'm, you know, this person wants to fix me and I'm, you know, not being seen to what I'm going through. And then that creates like a think that, for me, it's like, it comes from a big western culture of like, The missing of initiations into manhood, which is like, we do these things alone and we go through the struggle, but then there's, there's the support of like knowing what that person went through in the struggle and stuff. And just to be like acknowledged in it. And, and for me, when I look back at my childhood and stuff, thinking of like emotional experiences, I was often. Comforted by my mom rather than my dad. So, like, it was the nurturing mother that was, like, very good and warm feeling at the time. Except when I, I for that in, like, men. And I think it's powerful because they, to be in that state by a man is, like, being comforted and just Being seen and like, and then encouraged to like, lean into it so that you can learn it stronger in whatever it is that you're going And, and so like that, that's a big disconnect that I, I see and feel in my life and like with others is that like, lack of guidance from, from having like mentors from like the masculine side is, is like a big disconnect of, Just like the level of what, like when we were talking about stuff, like things that you share with guys, like and like evolution, like you just can't, it's, it's a big challenge for us to understand what women go through because we, you know, biologically can't understand what they're thinking, the hormones in the body, like same thing with men. It's like we can only share. And it's not like the situations necessarily that we, you know, We all with the same for this long
Robster Lobster:you know, whether it was a falling
Ryan:or like a cheating,
Robster Lobster:break of loyalty or like whatever, but it's the feelings that we all get that we can relate to. Um, and that's like having that You, you touched on something and it brought something up for me. So like you mentioned that as children and I agree like when I was sad, like mom, mom, safe place, go, go, go. Like she's, she's gonna like, she's going to hold you. She's going to huddle you and everything. Uh, do you find like, okay. With like You know, you know, all three of you, like, in your own life, do you find it that, like, you know, maybe you or even men themselves, not that this is the problem and we're not here to fix it, this is something that's just coming up, is that, uh, men are looking for women to quote unquote fix them because, you know, growing up, that is, you know, like, is that, like, is that what's going on? Is that what, it could be a possibility of why, like, this is happening
Ryan:Because, um,
Robster Lobster:I mean, I don't know why, like, most women do it, like, obviously, you can't ask
Ryan:somebody after it happened, but it's like, is they're
Zach:loved by
Ryan:Yeah, I mean, I think that makes a lot of sense because like, as a child and absorbing and like, those are when the pattern set in, it's like. That's what we're going to go to. And often even like in relations, like romantic relationships, like what your, your parents are like a lot of what brings you to your attraction of your future partner and stuff, you know, whether it was like, I forget was like levels of If the, when you're a young initial disciplines
Robster Lobster:has
Ryan:like,
Robster Lobster:big, like, relationship to who, like how you see partners in the future and like, you know. So like, that, that level of, yeah, I do. Yeah, cause, yeah, just the reflection of that, and like, I have seen myself looking for validation in, like, women, and like, you know, in old past relationships, like, you know, like, for me, a love language is words of affirmation, like, that's, I know that is something for me, so, yeah, you bringing that up, I feel, cause I've talked to a lot of, single, and. Um, had these conversations of being like, Oh, if I just had a girlfriend, someone to talk to, I'm like, dude, you've got someone to talk to. Like, I'm right here. I can't talk I could a girl. going through, towards there. Like, we have, to come from.
Bill:like, we have, like you said, that In terms of how relations to parents and the paradigm of, you know, how it is we orient ourselves to our parents and, and how that relationship unfolds and how our parents treat us, I can reflect on, My relationships, and, and how I've attracted certain levels of codependence in my relationships based off of my relationship with my mother. My mother being someone that, um, incredible mother, in so many ways. Single mother, and doing the best she could, dealing with fuckin three rambunctious crazy children. I was a troublemaker. I was, I wasn't like crazy off the walls, like, you know, doing terrible crimes or anything like that. But, you know, I, I definitely pushed the boundaries as kids do, right. You're in that warrior archetype and you're seeing like what's possible in this reality, in this body. And so on. But, uh, I didn't really receive much discipline and I wasn't told, like, how I needed to be or, or, you know, if I were to have, you know, gone out and partied or smoked some cannabis or, you know, done something that wasn't right. I wasn't really ever reprimanded that, reprimanded that much, uh, for that. And my mom, she, uh, Would show up and basically try to resolve the issue by coddling me and I've noticed in my relationship with Beth That that showed up and interestingly enough, we've been able to like address it, you know thanks to this work and reading, you know and exploring certain information like the journey to co commitment by Gay Hendricks and I forgot his wife's name, but just on the tip of reflecting on how our relationship to our parents can how we relate to our romantic partners and what kind of partners we call in, which is so interesting that it happens on an unconscious level that we magnetize the type of individual we need to do the, we, to, uh, to magnetize the type of opportunity we need to, to become more empowered, more free and more sovereign as men. Um, that was a very interesting tangent. Thank you, Rob. And one thing that comes up for me on the topic of mental health and men is insecurity. And, like, that shows up so much for me as a man, or has rather, and there's like ebbs and flows with it. And especially someone that's exploring their edges, right? Like, we're putting ourselves out there. We're trying new things in, uh, with the intention of growing and evolving and expanding and pushing our limits and really seeing what we can get out of this life. So it's like... Just for me, reflecting on my, and I would love to do a discussion on insecurity and what showed up for you guys around that, how that showed up, and how you felt about it, and how you felt about yourself through the insecurity, and it's, they're very interesting waters to navigate, and there's so many different flavors that it shows up in, and so many different reasons why it shows up, but um, Yeah, just reflecting on my trip, how much insecurity has showed up because I've, and this is such a common thing for men, attaching your worth and, and, uh, your ability to be lovable to what you produce and what you create in the world and what you're doing professionally. And I don't know, maybe attaching it to how much income you bring that's not been a specific issue for me, but being on my three month road venture that I've been on the past few months. I've noticed as I've slowed down on creating and really just gotten still how much insecurity has shown up and because You know, on a new endeavor into coaching, into personal development and serving people in health and wellness. I had some momentum and then I went on the trip. I was like, you know what, I'm going to step away from creating. I'm going to slow down. That was my intention. Get clear. So much insecurity came up cause I lost the momentum. And then you have the unlifted experience on the horizon. Like, Oh my God, I'm about to show up around a bunch of fucking killers that are just like slaying it. And this whole comparison thing comes up. So insecurity was coming up. Through that and like I just noticed how I wanted to to cope and like avoid it and escape it and Like ultimately I know as an aware man that it's there to to illuminate something for me and to show me something however, still it's like these old tendencies and patterns of dealing with uncomfortability would show up and It's just interesting a lot of the times like all I really needed to do Was express it put it out all on the table and be seen in it and like also You know, come back to my inherent self, self worthiness, which is really hard because everything about not everything, most things about our society, uh, program us in a way to.
Robster Lobster:you know,
Bill:Where we place our, our worthiness on something outside of ourselves. So we outsource our power. Um, so I feel many men, you know, obviously including myself, as I just went through a little bit about my experience with it, go through this experience and it's so hard to deal with. I think many men feel alone in that. Um, obviously we know we're aware of this paradigm. But a man could be listening to this and be like, Oh, like something's clicking there. And I, and whoa, this is something I've experienced a lot. So I would be curious to hear what experiences you guys have had revolving around insecurity, how that showed up, how you've navigated it, what's helped you in moving through it. And, you know, remembering that like, you're always lovable. You have nothing to prove, you know, that's. always the ego. It's always wanting to strive for more material and more outside of yourself. Um, so yeah, if anyone wants to take the reins and if anyone has some, something they're present with, with all that being said, would love to hear, uh, some reflections.
Zach:yeah, I'd like to reflect on what you're sharing, Bill, and, uh, specifically on the first step of like, what you're saying, the insecurity, I'm learning more and more, it's like, uh, when that comes up, being able to. be like honest about it, like, okay, first this is coming into my awareness. And what Ryan was saying too, is like, instead of looking to fits it right away, it's being with it really fully being with, okay, I'm feeling this emotion, I'm feeling where's this coming from and then diving deeper into, okay. This is coming from. Uh, you know, looking at the unlifted work, like this is coming from a specific memory, a story, uh, being able to identify it and go into it versus just instantly looking for, like, I need to fix this right now because that's like, that's a programming of like, uh, from our past of same for me, it's like, uh, I had this emotion and I need to fix this emotion because if I don't fix this emotion then I'm going to be lonely by myself and that's the worst case scenario. And it's like, what if in that the worst case scenario, like, uh, I'm insecure, I'm going to not have a partner or I'm going to be alone, no community, die by myself. Like,
Bill:Right. Like worst case scenario, catastrophe. It's a complete catastrophe. The world's ending. It's over. You're nervous system's like signaling all that to you. Yeah.
Zach:Yeah.
Bill:Laughing right? It's like worst ever.
Zach:Yeah. So, but I mean, it's like allowing that first to just be there and then honoring that by giving, I see as giving myself the space to be like, this is coming up. I'm going to allow it and accept it and embrace it first to see where this is coming from. And As men, I see as giving ourselves permission to access deep levels of emotion, emotional being, um, and the way I see it, uh, moving or shifting is looking at from a place of values versus, okay. Insecurity around like money or insecurity around, uh, profession. And it's like, go back to what are the personal values that I want to embody. And then. I realized like that's invaluable. It's priceless to embody something like embody love. Or to be an embodiment of, uh, peace or freedom, these things, integrity, it's, it's understanding that I can come back to myself and be like, even if I had nothing, like, like literally nothing, I'm in the jungle of them. Like I've been in the jungle of them, but, but yeah, like, you know, having nothing like literally and feeling pure freedom. Because I know within myself, like, these are the values that I'm cultivating and this, even if I didn't have anything, I have myself, I have my values, and I can love myself, I can cultivate, uh, practices that, uh, you know, will allow me to, let's say, have the things, build things, though really it's not about the things that I build, Or the things I create that define me, it's those values that I build within
Bill:So good,
Zach:And I can take those values across the world, anywhere. And you can land, let's say, the next, like, tomorrow you're like, I'm gonna go to Australia. I just had this, like, insight, like, I'm gonna go to Australia. Well, you, you land in Australia, and with those values, you can just... Start again and, you know, meet people, connect, serve, all these things, and it's independent of what you have. It's, it's all within.
Bill:it's It's, all within.
Zach:in
Bill:Yeah, of course. Rob's taking a piss. You might hear some, some, uh, interference. Some, some golden flow
Zach:different for everyone.
Bill:Lucky y'all!
Zach:remember in
Bill:Awesome. Um, dude, so beautiful. And, yeah, remembering that. I love how you talk about embracing the emotion and being fully with it. And ultimately that looks different for everyone. And also remembering that everything is transitory and everything, well, emotions are transitory and everything is impermanent, especially emotions and things that show up within us. And then something that's as rock solid as a value system and like coming back to that remembrance of who I am. And this isn't me, this is something that's just coming through me and it's showing up and. And ultimately it's, um, illuminating something for me to, to look at whether it's, you know, something from that, you know, an old story, an old narrative that's showing up an old impact. Like for me, um, the worthiness thing is hard and I love bringing it up because almost everyone struggles with this to a certain degree, struggling with their inherent self worth. And when I was in high school, I had, you know, severe cystic acne all over my place. All over my face and all over my place, all over my body, for sure. All over the place and all over my face. But, uh, I had the narrative running that essentially I was like a useless piece of shit and that like, I was ugly and I was gross and, and females won't like me. And to further perpetuate that narrative, I felt so much pressure on me to be attractive by the opposite sex and to lose my virgin and all these things. So these were things that were going through my mind and like Drew drove me fucking crazy. But, um. Shit, I'm totally losing where, you know, what, what I'm trying to get at or where, like, I was going with all that, but that was something I was experiencing and an insecurity that, or an old narrative that propagated my ability to recognize my inherent self worth and things would trigger it in the present, in the now, throughout my life after that, so, um, Yeah. And yeah, I just loved everything you shared about grounding into your value systems and using that as a method of transmutation and alchemy outside. And, to help you see that it is transitory and it's going to pass. And, um, yeah, so I appreciate you sharing. Got anything Ryan?
Ryan:yeah, I was really thinking about like, when it comes to insecurities and the judgment and the shame that we and we us as, Where it's like those things come up inside us and whatever gets triggered is like, I feel lands on the spectrum of masculine is like the ownership of whatever it is that you're doing. Like once you, when you feel insecure and like how, how you own that insecurity of like, that's what allows you to be like. For me, it's like, then you can take action. Like, that's where the awareness is. Like, once, once you're, you're aware, it's like, Oh, I feel really small right now thinking about this thing. And I don't want anybody to see me in this light. And as soon as you're aware of that, and then you're like, Wait, this is me. And going back to those of like, Okay, this is who I am right now. Fuck it. You know, like, I'm going to move through this, this is what it is, and there's opportunity there. Then, like, once you have ownership of it, of that insecurity, then you're empowered to be able to, to have the choice of is this the story that I'm going to continue to have and let roll around in me, or, and then that's where, like, having men where you just express these insecurities. Without process that's like, okay, if I say this, they're gonna be like, no, dude, they're gonna deny my validation of it and be like, no, dude, you're, you're, you're worth love. And it's like, okay, like, I know that in a way, but that's not the way I'm feeling, you know, and it's like having the ownership and then sharing that it's like, you're resisting around and thinking that you're going to get judgment. Um, Sharing the ownership to somebody and specifically other men because they share these similar values as you is like, that's where, um, like the next level of accountability can come in, you know, like owning whatever you're, you're most vulnerable with and then having brothers and other dudes to be like, Just, you know, help keep you accountable. It's like, well, what are you going to do about it? When is it going to, you know, how let it keep happening? If you're going to continue to feel small, like, know that that's your choice. And, like, around insecurities, like, and that's for me with, like, went years without smoking tobacco. And then I slowly started to, like, use it again in different ways. And for a long time I was, like, insecure. using it around people because I felt that like I had failed at like something along the way and then once I decided that like It's just another part of my Like what else is coming up? Like why am I smoking tobacco this time? What is it? You know, what is where am I numbing out with this? And like owning that and be like, okay like Tobacco is in It released the pressure to like feel like I had to do something about it, rather than like making the choice of like knowing what I want to do with what, what is it, you know, how can I choose to let this be a lesson and, vulnerability and what else is going to come through about it, but I think ownership is that goes in with acceptance. Like you can, um, accept it, you know, and then it's not that big of a deal anymore like you're like
Robster Lobster:right Use what direction
Bill:Yeah, dude. Yeah. And just to, you know, take a look at how enlifted can serve us in a challenging emotional experience, something that was coming through while you're sharing about ownership and, and how that can be of service to an individual when navigating some murky waters is how we. How so many people, and I did this until I got into the language stuff, unconsciously identify themselves as something they're experiencing, which is transitory and impermanent. Like I mentioned, emotions come and go. They always will. You are not angry. You are not depressed. You are not, um, anxious, you are not, you know, all the various things one human being could experience. You are currently experiencing that thing. You are not that thing. Write this down. My friends write this shit down. If you're say something comes up, um, sad. You say you're sad, write that down. I am sad. Um, and then you can, you can make the translation to, I am experiencing sadness. And then you could add, I am currently experiencing sadness, which places it in the temporal realm, because it is a thing that will move on, that will move through you, and that will resolve itself, whether you do something about it or not. But that simple trick alone will signal to your subconscious mind that it is a thing that is impermanent versus a thing that you are. Are and recognizing the importance of the language when it, when it comes to how you are articulating whatever the current experience around the emotion is, however, it's coming through, however, it's showing up just like a very simple to grounded in practicality for if you're, you know, going through something, tough emotionally, and if it doesn't help, that's fine, but, um, it is helping because that's, it's, it's signaling the truth to your body, and, and then from there, you could use positively affirming statements, whatever you want to do, I am this, I am that, I am love, I am freedom, I am sovereign, I am capable of doing this thing, I am my success plan, whatever it may be, So, just in the spirit of Unlifted, cause we're out here for the Unlifted experience. Um, Rob, was there anything there for you in terms of insecurity?
Robster Lobster:Uh, the thing that came up for me really just accepting it, like accepting that you have this feeling of insecurity and,
Ryan:um,
Robster Lobster:It's okay to have it. That's really all that has come up for me. Like any, like personal experience isn't coming through that, um, I've had with it. But you know, like you're not defined, like you're not defined by your insecurities or like, it's natural to have'em and to feel that way. It's how, how are you gonna move through it? Are you gonna allow it to push you down and let you, um. You know, sit at home and not do anything because you're so insecure of, you know, like, we'll go back to yours, you know, the way you look, like, are you, like, is that going to stop you from, you know, pursuing the love of your life because you're that insecure or is it something that you can sit with okay, this
Ryan:currently
Zach:something that came up for me, I was reflecting and, uh, the first thing was, uh, M& M and 8 Mile like that final scene where he like literally, uh, tells the, you know, he's just Letting it all out like this is what happened like this is my past like all the the things that are his wounds and The darkness the shadows all the things that happened in the past He's like he just like lets it all out and he's like I accept it like I'm going to actually make a whole rap about this because I accept this and There's nothing that anyone else can use against me now because I fully accepted all these things. So what, what are you going to do? Like, what's the other, what's the world going to do now? Like, I've accepted this. So like through the acceptance is a lot of freedom to just be like, okay, yeah, this all happened. And in this moment, like, um, you know, I would say like, additionally, I like to include forgiveness. It's like, I've already, I forgive myself. Like I let go of the past. It's no longer having hold on and after forgiving myself, then comes like, well, I have a lot more freedom to see like where I'm going to go in the future, independent of what happened in the past. I still have all this space and time to now create my future to change things. And through that, it's like that natural process of like, yeah, this is happening. I accept it. I let it go through forgiveness. And now I'm going to start to flow into new pathways. So that's something that's coming up for
Bill:Absolutely. The acceptance of forgiveness is huge, and it reminds me of the ano pono prayer. I believe it is. It's a Hawaiian prayer. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry I forgive you. Thank you. I'm sorry. you. I forgive
Zach:yeah, I'm sorry.
Bill:I don't think the the arrangement matters or does
Zach:Well, I like. I'm sorry because it's, I'm sorry first is like, okay, saying that to yourself or to a person like, I'm sorry, uh, I forgive you or I forgive myself and then thank you, I love you, or I love you, thank you, but really those first two components really feel for myself, it feels like the natural order is like to feel it, like, It's like to be in the sorriness, like, I'm sorry, um, at a men's immersion in the past, we did an exercise like that. It was really powerful just to say those words first, just with, I'm sorry. And like repeating it to feel it all the way, like to feel the sadness of, I'm sorry. And then, you know, I forgive you. And then it was really powerful to like, look other men in the face, like looking eye to eye and just say that, like, I'm sorry. And then naturally what came up was like, you know, my dad or, uh, my older brother and being able to just look that person in the eye and just be like, imagine like that's my dad or that's my older brother. And I'm saying, I'm sorry to them. And, uh, I forgive you. Um, having, you know, having that space is really important. So, so healing.
Bill:Absolutely. Yeah. Codes and spells for freedom and liberation on, on so many levels. And yeah, that's just. A short, simple amalgamation of words we all know. So I definitely encourage anyone listening to try that out and feel into that. And with that being said, um, I'll put a bow on this one with saying this, if you're listening to this sister or brother, you have some brothers right here that would absolutely be interested in having a conversation and holding space for you. If there's something you're going through, if things are really fucking hard, if you feel alone, you're definitely not alone. We are here, and we are here to accept
Ryan:and see you fully
Robster Lobster:and support
Bill:you fully in terms of where you at. Definitely shoot any of us a message, I'll speak for myself, I'm sure I can speak for all of you guys as well, that we, we mean that, um, that's our work, and, and we'll continue to, to do that work. So, I'm incredibly grateful to have had this conversation with some Awakened Kings, my first four way, their first four way, let's fuckin go! We're about to go into the Unlifted experience tonight. This was such a pleasure and honor to do this with you all. Um, I'm just gonna pass it around after I, you know, close out with these last few words. You can find me on Instagram at wildbillwellness. Like I said, feel free to message me at any time, would love to talk to you, would love to hold space and be of support in the ways that I can. Um, if you guys wanna, share anything, any last things
Robster Lobster:are present, um,
Bill:plug anything that you're working on and share where people can find you, we'll finish it out there,
Robster Lobster:Keep passing it off to me right away. Uh, yeah, I mean, one thing too, like, you know, you can do this as a what's one simple thing that anybody listening can do to, like, if they are in, you know, you are a man and you are starting to slipping away from, uh, yourself and you are starting to, uh, to get these thoughts of, you know, potentially taking your own life because that, I mean, to what's really big on this conversation. And for me, I would say that the easiest thing to do is, uh, Um, you know, it's, it's probably, it's said a lot in his reach out, like reach out to me, reach out to Bill, reach out to Zach, reach out to Ryan because you do have brothers. And I would say the easiest one thing you can do is, um, get a group of dudes that are going to support you and not belittle you for, for feeling that way. Uh, but yeah, I, I mean, if you want to contact me, it's at the conscious welder. Uh, currently working on, the mental game. Uh, journey with me.
Bill:Yeah. I'll say one thing on that tip. Then we'll pass to Zach. If you think that... You know, and I don't know about you guys personally, but say you're in a place of experiencing suicidal ideation. If you think that, you know, these guys couldn't relate, like they've never been there. I have been there. I've, I've been in my body so uncomfortable with being in my body. I've wanted to take my own life. I have the support system I need. I have the tools I need to navigate out of that. And that's not something that occurs for me or has occurred for me in a while. There's one episode this year, which I was fine. I got the help I needed. I'm all good. Intrusive thoughts. It's not me. It was something I was currently experiencing. I worked through it. I can relate. So just to throw that out there for anyone that may be having that narrative in their head. off to
Zach:I can relate. So, just to throw that out there for anyone that may be having that narrative in head. When, when everything's out of order, when you feel everything's in chaos, breathe. And, uh, the next step will reveal itself to like, that can be so grounding. It's just to remember, like, I can breathe like allowing that, allowing yourself to feel also. Um, and then from there, I would say, I see also values. So write down, uh, say you're uncomfortable with how you're feeling in this moment. Emotions are coming up. Things are coming up in your life. Write down, just get a piece of paper, write down values that you want to embody that you want to, um, you know, you see yourself becoming in the future. Because that can be just like an easy guide for yourself to see the next step. Like, uh, well, yeah, I'm, I'm super grateful for this space and, uh, to be here to have this conversation to flow with you brothers and, uh, yeah, it's, it's beautiful. We're, we're doing something that we'll, we'll look back and say like, wow, we did something amazing over the last year. I mean, last year or, you know, Five years, like if we just keep going and, uh, really just grateful for this space, this opportunity and, uh, anyone that wants to find me and connect with me, Zach Barney, Z A C H B A R N E Y like the dinosaur dot L M. So, uh, yeah, reach out, connect. I would, I'd love to dive into some conversation and.
Ryan:flow.
Zach:I hope,
Ryan:Oh, yeah. Super. Grateful to be here and share the space and have this conversation just and and honestly and Keep it a little shorter to like we Yeah, we're all we're all here. You know, whatever it is. We're all we're all open to be reflections and I know that Yeah, you're worthwhile whoever you are worth it big time and And one thing that I heard this year that really hit me is like the opposite of addiction is connection, so whatever you're going through, connection in some way, shape or form. That's what I believe is, is the, the root to, to many things is the seeking for a different, different of, of connection. So, um, you can reach out to me at Soul Mountain,
Robster Lobster:Coach, on Instagram. my,
Bill:podcasts.
Zach:now. that he's
Bill:We're going to, there's going to be more too. We got more coming. That's for sure. We just got started.
Zach:guys. Thank
Bill:Awesome. This is so much fun guys. Thank you so much. We covered a lot of ground and, um, if you're listening found value, please share with a friend, please leave a rating on Spotify. Please subscribe on YouTube. And yeah, we're here, like we said, and we will see you next time. Smooches.