The William Arthur Show
The William Arthur Show
The Relation Station Vol. 7 | What Is Conscious Relationship?
Eric and Jenny Patton of Inspire Change Co. sit down with Beth and Bill on the topic of conscious love and relationship. Eric and Jenny are Wordsmiths, long time lovers, business partners, and world class coaches who support couples in their journey to co-creating their most powerful and fulfilling relationships possible. In this conversation you will learn about bits and pieces of the what and how of conscious relationship through the direct experience and knowledge base of our guests. How relationships help us discover our undiscovered selves, relationship as ceremony, parental influences (how they shape our dynamic with romantic partners), co-commitment vs co-dependence, and more.
Enjoy!
Connect with us:
Inspire Change Co:
https://www.instagram.com/inspirechangeco/
Eric Patton
https://www.instagram.com/evolvewitheric/
Jenny Patton:
https://www.instagram.com/joyfulljenny_/
Beth's Plugs:
http://instagram.com/_earthborne_
http://instagram.com/ebbnflow_integrations
Wild Bill's plugs:
http://instagram.com/thewilliamarthurshow
https://www.instagram.com/wildbillwellness/
http://instagram.com/williamarthurjewelry
What up y'all? Welcome back to the show. Today I'm here with some very special human beings and individuals. Um, My lady Beth, Beth Ann, and Jenny Patton and Eric Patton. We are at Dogwood Dell Park and today we are going to be dropping in about conscious relationship, conscious loving, uh, have a little round table discussion with the primary focus on your guys experience with that because you guys have been on a journey together. Uh, a beautiful, expansive journey up to this point. Um, interacting and working and growing with each other in a very dynamic way. Um, so, first and foremost, we'd love for you guys to say what's up real quick and say your name and what you do professionally. And we'll go from there.
Couples Podcast:cool. Yeah, I'll start. Um, I'm Eric Patton. One and only. Um, and I am a relationship coach. I help people, um, with three relationships. Uh, first and foremost is the relationship with yourself. How you speak to yourself. How you treat yourself. How you interact with yourself internally. And then, um, the next one you would guess is with other people. Um, primarily in your close personal relationships. Um, which I would call intimate. relationships. Um, learning how to communicate with other people, how to express your wants and needs. And uh, then from there, how you have your relationships with the world, with everybody else that are outside of your intimate circle. And I'm fortunate enough to get to coach with my partner in love and life and everything in between Patton. Well, hello.
Beth and Bill:My partner in love
Couples Podcast:I am the other half of Inspire Change Collective. And, uh, yeah, we've been on this amazing journey together. Um, What's been really cool is the fruition of the company started four years ago, and it actually really started back when we met. Um, we flirted with all these ideas of things that we wanted to do, and it's really cool to see on this other side, ten plus years later, how much of what we talked about at, you know, just outside of, uh, high school has actually... become a reality, um, in its own way, uh, sometimes with that conscious awareness and sometimes on the other side of it, we're like, wait, we talked about this, however long ago and here we are. So happy to be here.
Beth and Bill:Absolutely. Thank you guys for being here with us and taking the time. Um, so a quote that comes to mind that I would love to get your guys opinion on and your direct experience and how it showed up in your relationship is that, and I was trying to find yesterday who the quote was JP Sears podcast, but essentially When we get into intimate relationship, we trigger each other inevitably so that we can discover our undiscovered selves if you choose that perspective consciously. And I thought that was very illuminating because we're going to push each other's buttons when we're close. You know, when we get to, when we get past the honeymoon phase and we really see what's beneath the hood thing, the truth of what's occurring inside is going to come forward. So I would love to hear. Your perspective on that quote, how it showed up in your relationship and, and what parts of yourselves have you discovered that, you know, perhaps maybe you wouldn't have discovered without the relationship what's come through or what, what are some of the main aspects of self that have emerged through your love? Hmm.
Couples Podcast:the
Beth and Bill:of the
Couples Podcast:of self
Beth and Bill:where we
Couples Podcast:that have emerged through your love?
Beth and Bill:each other to, to be on the other side of it.
Couples Podcast:When we first started dating, we were in high school. I was a senior, he was a junior, and we were unaware of the way that our early experiences were impacting us in that moment. The amount of challenges and hurts and pains that we went through and, you know, cause for ourselves and each other to, to be on the other side of it now and be able to reflect on those experiences from a place of like love and understanding is
Beth and Bill:know, you can sit and
Couples Podcast:is an example of the growth that we've gotten to share because having gone through some of those hurts now There's so many times where, you know, you can sit and say, like, I wish I wouldn't have done that. And going through that opened up a lot for us to be able to learn about our own experiences and how they impacted us. And being able to... Go through these experiences together. I remember, especially early on, the dynamic that we had, there were so many things about, you know, his invitations to express and my, you know,
Beth and Bill:my, so I thought to
Couples Podcast:My natural way of being or so I thought to shut down and it felt very much conflicting because I wanted to open up and I wanted to share more about myself with him. But there was like something that I physically felt like my throat close up internally. I was screaming. I wanted him to know more about me, but it felt so unsafe to do so. And it wasn't until we. I learned about what was causing that lack of safety that things started to shed and and slowly we started to open up and through that process, I learned more about myself and Because I learned more about myself, I was able to share that with him.
Beth and Bill:hmm.
Couples Podcast:Yeah, absolutely. And, uh, we often tell people that there is no plant medicine, no therapy. There is nothing else that will compare. Two relationships when it comes to growth as an individual. Um, you said it pushing buttons. It'll happen whether it's subconsciously or consciously sometimes. And I think for us, because we started our relationship journey in high school, like we were just kids. Um, We, the level of awareness as to how our behavior was being impacted or implicated by our childhoods that we, that we grew up by, it wasn't there. It was non existent. And so for us, um, we, we have been numerous. Versions of ourselves and some of those versions we had a lot of fun together some of those versions We didn't some of those versions It was not so fun and there was a lot of pain and a lot of suffering and you're right I love that you said that right now like there's there were times that were like well dang I wish I wouldn't have done that and now I have this deep level of reverence for the things that we went through and Because it got us here and, um, we obviously needed to go through those things and, um, had we not have gone through them, we may have continued to self sabotage later on in life or sabotage each other, um, manipulate the circumstances in a negative way. So I don't believe inherently that manipulation is negative. I think it can be positive or negative. So what we do coaching wise is we manipulate words so that people can shift their perspective on something. So manipulation doesn't have to be negative, but oftentimes in life, that's what we experienced it as is negative, right? Someone wanting us to do something that we don't want to do. Right. And, um, we definitely went through plenty of phases. In our lives, where we were triggering the hell out of each other. And um, more importantly, not knowing what to do with that. You know, and taking things really personally, being defensive about everything. And uh, it took a lot of work. And I, I would say more than anything, choosing to do this together.
Beth and Bill:Making
Couples Podcast:Making a conscious decision to um, say you know what, this matters. This matters, so we're gonna do this together. However hard this gets, whatever road this goes down, we're going to do it. We're going to do it together. And as soon as we made that choice, that's when everything opened up. And um, yeah. And since then it's been one beautiful moment after the other, including some of the ones that at one point we might've been like, this sucks. And now we're like, This is exactly what we needed. What is this trying to teach me?
Beth and Bill:what we needed. What is this trying to teach me? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'll start.
Couples Podcast:Okay, so I'll start. Um, so
Beth and Bill:so I... Um, I didn't have,
Couples Podcast:My parents were never together at any point. I shouldn't say at any point. It was a short period of time. And then I came into existence. Um, and they were not able to take care of me. So, my father was a drug addict. went to jail for attempted murder when I was two. Um, I was forcibly removed from my mom's care when I was two by the department of children and family services just outside of LA. And, um, at that time period, it was hard to get removed from your parents house in LA. They want to keep the families together. They don't want to remove anybody. So it takes a lot. to get removed over there. Um, and so I grew up with my grandmother. I had a really one relationship that I saw, which was my uncle and I wasn't around them often, but I, it was enough. And they were in a, what? I mean, we weren't calling toxic relationships toxic back in the nineties, but if we did, it would have been a toxic relationship. And so everything that, you know, I learned about relationships came from movies.
Beth and Bill:movies.
Couples Podcast:coms, Disney, which, you know, we don't got to go too far into that rabbit hole, but like, let's just say that's not an accurate portrait of relationships, especially at that time period. And so I don't really have models to go after. And so for me, it was, uh, well, this is what I think I'm supposed to do. I think I'm supposed to show up like this. And as you can imagine, didn't exactly work out so well. And, uh, um, so in terms of family, my grandma was a single. My single mom, my grandfather died, uh, when I was really young as well. And so it was just me and her. And so I think in, in many ways, my ability to, uh, connect with that feminine side of me was really easy because I was around women most of my life and older women too. So the level of respect was, was usually there, um, because I had to be. And so, uh, but I still didn't know how to translate that into relationships. Because obviously talking to an old lady isn't the same thing as talking to someone in your age range, you know, a little bit different, you know, and so, uh, I had to learn through experience, which is, uh, really goes back to your previous question, which is like triggering each other and like learning how to do stuff. That's how we did it and, uh, learned how to do it well. By learning how to do it really bad,
Beth and Bill:What an opportunity. That's really good. That's what
Couples Podcast:that's really it. That's
Beth and Bill:me. I'm waiting for
Couples Podcast:what it That's not it.
Beth and Bill:That's not it. So, um, they
Couples Podcast:So, well, for me, I also grew up in a single parent household and, um, my mom. My mom and dad, um, they split up while I was in my mom's belly and, um, so growing up, I, you know, what's interesting is I remember our family unit was my mom, my older brother, and myself. We had a lot of interactions with my aunt and uncle, um, her siblings and their, uh, their partners. And so, as much time as my aunt and uncle could, they would take my brother and I so that they, we could, um, you know, experience life in different ways, help my mom out. And, um, you know, I didn't know growing up that my life was different than other people. I didn't, I just, you know, this was, this was my life. I didn't, um, know that other people, I guess there was this aspect of like, what you don't know what you don't know and what I had was a lot of love in the way that I had it, you know, um, my mom did her best and I sit back now and think like, holy moly, you're 30 something raising two little us, you know, and I'm just like, how did you do it? You know, I have so much respect and love for her at this point to know, you know, the things that she went through on her own. And, you know, I remember specifically, like, she didn't bring guys around us. There was one time that her, she had a gay best friend and he was like, Jenny, um, what would you, what would you say if my, if your mom and I got married? And I started crying. I was like, no, like, that's not, you know, I don't want that, you know?
Beth and Bill:that's not, I
Couples Podcast:and I definitely, I had certain interactions with my dad where he would come and You know, he, he would come and all I remember were the promises that he made. I'm gonna be around, I know how much I missed out on, and I want to be here for you now. Like what, and it was the promises of what do you need, what can I give you? And as soon as there was some level of, you know, okay, I suppose you're saying. that this is going to be true. And so, um, I would, I remember this one time in particular, um, I was like, fine, I'll, I'll, I'll give, I need a computer for school. And, uh, we were supposed to meet at, uh, it's like a, like a, like the best buy for the Latino community. It's called the Curaçao. And, um, my mom and I were going to go meet him there. And. We get there, and then she gets a message. Sorry, I can't come. And I remember the feeling of like, Okay, that's the last time you're gonna get me like that. You know, like that, that, I thought that this was the moment, and here we are. It's fine. And I remember that, that
Beth and Bill:I specifically remember
Couples Podcast:like hardening up. Don't show mom that you're disappointed.
Beth and Bill:And so
Couples Podcast:And so that, that was one of those things of like, okay, well, I can't trust what you say. People are going to make promises to you. And no matter what, even if they say that they care about you, they're going to, they're not going to show up. They're going to leave. And there was that background of like, what, well, what's wrong with me that this can't be, you know, that you can't follow through with what you say that you are going to do. And on the other side of that, I've got my older brother who he had, you know, his own challenges growing up without a dad. as well, right? And I remember my mom, like I said, she did her best. And there were moments of I'm going to have a teaching moment for him. And also this is for you. So listen,
Beth and Bill:listen to.
Couples Podcast:make sure that you're listening, right? Make sure that you're listening. And any kind of like sex talk that she gave to him, it was like you listen to. And so there were these just different dynamics that, um,
Beth and Bill:dynamics that, um,
Couples Podcast:I've. I look back on now that I see how they influenced the way that I showed
Beth and Bill:one
Couples Podcast:Um, so yeah, it was definitely one of those things that I can see it all happened in the way that it was meant to now, but in the moment it was definitely confusing at times.
Beth and Bill:Mm-Hmm, So it seems like you both had different, like relationships with the masculine in that way as being absent or not being able to show up or you know, in some cases being abusive. Um, how did that like, show up for you coming together? I
Couples Podcast:Yeah, I would say, um, for me personally, I had a very, uh, disjointed view of the masculine. And, um, so I, um, went hard the other direction, which is like, uh, the people that I were seeing that were in my view, masculine, were all, uh, we also remember we grew up in LA, gangsta rap time. So I, It was, you know, what side for everything, you know, and so I tried to be like really hard, really hard up front and I also knew that my, my mom was involved with with gang members. My dad was a gang member and so like it felt like that was what I was supposed to act like and it was never really me. I'm actually a really like soft person and very sensitive and you know, I have my moments obviously that I can, you know, um, when I need to be strong in my masculine and leave the feminine, then yeah, I obviously can, but I prefer to be in a balanced state, but I didn't understand that at that time. So I went hard the other direction and um, nothing's going to bother me. I don't cry. This doesn't, you know, whatever happens, I don't care. I'll beat your ass if I have to, like, it doesn't matter. And, uh, it's other, yeah, you know, and it was, yeah, exactly. Yeah. And it's so different. Right. And it's so funny for me cause people see me now and they're like, wow, you just have such a balanced energy. And it's just, it's, it's still funny to me to hear it because, um, I had to work to understand and develop the masculine. It didn't make sense to me at all. Um, as far as I was concerned, the masculine was about running, because that was the only thing I had seen from masculine. Um, or it was, in my case, from my uncle, that was really the only, um, man as a young child that I was involved with. He was a police officer, and very drill sergeant esque. And so, you know... He was throwing fastballs at me in the backyard, like 70 mile fastballs when I was like eight years old, you know, and like you shouldn't be doing that to an eight year old, you know, and, uh, he was, he was a very, very hard man. So that was the only kind I saw. And then I was lucky enough to, uh, my grandma put me in, uh, Catholic big brothers, big sisters. I don't know if you guys are familiar with the program. Um, it still exists now. It's called big brothers, big sisters, not Catholic, but back then it was right. And so, uh, Uh, I was matched with, uh, I would call him a friend of ours now, a friend of mine. Uh, but at the time he was a mentor and he is a very soft spoken computer engineer, dude. Uh, very soft spoken. So it was like kind of confusing for me, like, wait, what is happening right now? Cause I'm catching one on this side and one on this side. And I'm like, I don't even know where the middle ground is. I don't even know what being a man is.
Beth and Bill:right?
Couples Podcast:Yeah. And so, um, I definitely struggled. For a long time, for a long time with that notion of, um, I'm also a cancer. Yeah, so that's my, my, so I have, I have a cancer, cancer is my sunshine and then Pisces is my moon. So like, I'm incredibly sensitive and emotional and I You know, didn't like that at all. So when you don't like feeling emotional, you get rageful and anger. So anger was the only thing that I was expressing most of the time because I didn't feel comfortable expressing anything else. And, uh, in terms of our relationship, um, I think with her, she was one of the only people that I felt comfortable.
Beth and Bill:myself
Couples Podcast:Uh, being myself and like, and showing her and, and I think for her, there were times, you know, again, back in this, we were really young and, uh, she didn't necessarily know what to do with that herself because I wanted to talk about things and I wanted to like, you know, you don't feel good, like, or we're upset, like we're in an argument right now, like, let's find a middle ground. And, you know, she struggled to communicate that herself, but then that triggered the abandonment in me. Why don't you want to talk to me right now? What, what's wrong with me? Well, obviously there's something wrong with me. Everybody doesn't like me. All the women in my life have left me for the most part, except for my grandma. So it was triggering. We talked, this is right back to the beginning. What are the things that are triggering accidentally? That we didn't mean to do, but were happening. And, uh, um, so in terms of how that component showed up in the, in the relationship for us, it was varied. It depended on the moment. Um, we also really enjoyed going to music festivals all the time. Since we were 18. They were raves back then though. They weren't called music festivals.
Beth and Bill:They were they called?
Couples Podcast:were called raves
Beth and Bill:yup. I remember. Oh my lord.
Couples Podcast:Right, and so yep rave life, right? Exactly. Yeah, and so we loved going to them and it was that was a so that was a fun time for me too Because I think that was the first time I experienced Being, being able to like be masculine, protect my friends, but also be soft because everybody's like really loving and like, come here, give me a hug. You know, random strangers are like, Hey, I love you. Give me a hug. I'm like, Hey, I love you too. Got 15 numbers in your phone afterwards. I don't like, I don't know who this person is the next morning, you know? And so, um, that was fun for me. And that was the first place where I was able to experience that balance, but I didn't realize it obviously in the moment, it was just like fun times. Um, and then the more we. Did more work on ourselves the more I started noticing it and the more I had to choose How do I want to show up, you know, and if I want to break break the line that Has happened with my family the ancestral
Beth and Bill:uh,
Couples Podcast:Drama, I would say that's just been unfolding It was a choice for it to end with me And I chose to do that. And that's hard. Really hard to do to even see it and let alone choose to, to shift it. And so there's a lot of ways it showed up as well. Yeah. But I would say that's the best way for me to describe it. Yeah.
Beth and Bill:The Rainbow Sheep.
Couples Podcast:Yeah. Rainbow sheep. I love it. Now for me, I would say it was more so in the sense of receiving love. You know, being, being okay with that, feeling safe with it. Um, I had, you know, as far as like, uh, male figures in my life, it was my mom's brother, and then, uh, my Uncle Joe, and then my, her sister's husband, so my, uh, Uncle Gilbert. They were the two men in my life that were the steady, the constant, as well as my grandpa. Now, so the three of them. They, were, I saw them as strong male figures and they were all very different. And while they definitely, you know, showed up for me and they were there for me to, to, to support as much as they can. I also noticed that, you know, with my brother. You have that sense that sense of like, well, he's the one that doesn't have his dad and he's the guy and I was able to recognize that sense of like, it felt like for for me growing up was like, Oh, Jenny's doing good in school. Jenny's, you know, she's she's keeping up with her grades and Eric needs more help. My brother's name is Eric also, uh, and so there was this sense of like, you can go and have, you know, have someone that is there for you, but you're like, there is almost this sense of like, but I don't want to be a burden. to say that I need anything. And so that was something that felt the, again, the ability to express for me was where the challenge was. Um, and then on the other side, if I was given the opportunity to express, then it was like, Wait, is this like an authentic ask? Like, how do I know if I'm okay to share what I need? Like, so then there was the masking of like, oh no, I'm good. I'm okay all is well. And so there's where that's where like the happy, you know, like, let's, I, I don't want to add on to anyone's, uh, challenges. So I'm just gonna like sit with what I need, what I like, what, what I think everyone else needs.
Beth and Bill:I feel like that's a common like feminine, uh, wound is to be like almost like sacrificial in how you show up. And like, um, I resonate with what you're saying in regards to knowing what is okay or necessary to communicate.
Couples Podcast:Yeah. It's intriguing
Beth and Bill:Um, yeah, I, this is very. Intriguing and synchronistic that we all had absent fathers. Um, her father was there, uh, but in a way he wasn't. And I can let you elaborate on that if you feel called to going into it. But... My father, personally, he was a police officer that was killed in the line of duty two months before I was born. So, I'm in the womb with my womb mate, my twin sister, Kayla. And that male mentor, that masculine role model, out of the picture before I'm even out the womb. And, uh, just reflecting on familial dynamics and how it's impacted our relationships, which I feel is definitely very... important to explore and express about and, and reflect upon, uh, for everyone. Um, so if you're listening, yeah, get out notebook, you know, if anything sticks out and you see some, uh, some, some intersections or some things you can relate to, relations station, you know, take notes and, and, and take a look at your dynamic with your families and, in terms of, and, and recognize. Uh, our stories and how, uh, they could potentially serve you, but I grew up without a father and, you know, my mother did an amazing job, incredible nurturer, uh, uh, nurturing to her own demise. And, and there was a complete absence of discipline in the household. And, um, through that. I became a rascal and I got into some trouble and, and it wasn't anything where I was causing harm to people or things along those lines, but I did damage to my body by partying and getting into drugs and since there was no reprimanding, I wasn't able to course correct until, you know, I hit a few rock bottoms, but, uh, reflecting on our relationship and how that dynamic of me growing up in a single parent household impacted me was that my mother's, uh, what she knew was to, to soothe instantly and not to really like, let me sort through my own shit. It was, uh, tending to me emotionally and coddling me. So that, that dynamic has showed up in our relationship where. I was programmed to be a kid that got what he wanted when he wanted. So, you know, I can reflect on so many instances where that has played out where like even the other day, uh, here in Richmond, I was, we were going back to the Airbnb and they were doing a podcast and, and she wasn't answering. I was like, Oh my God, we're not going to be able to get in. And like, it really wasn't a big deal at all because Um, there wasn't really a rush to be anywhere, but just because, like, I couldn't have it exactly the way I wanted, my inner child was pissed. And, and that programming was showing up, and it definitely shows up in a lot more nuanced ways now, though, and our relationship illuminates that codependent dynamic for me, and illuminates that wound, and there's the choice point and the opportunity for me to rewire that and be like, oh, like, I'm responsible for this, this is occurring within me. And, um, I get to claim that and look at it and, and bring it to the light and transform it into something that helps me grow into a better man, regulate myself, and just become a better individual for it. Um, So, I would love to hear from you guys, how would you define, you know, conscious loving or, or co commitment or, um, Yeah, those two terms and then, and then codependency and if you could provide some examples of how it showed up in your life and how you've, you've navigated it. So, um, do what you will with that. Is there anything there that you'd like to add or anything you want to throw in in terms of things that have been illuminated for you? for you through our relationship. Yeah. Um, I'm excited to hear your answer to that question. Um, my, my dad, my mom and dad got divorced when I was in like fifth grade. He was very mentally ill and he traveled a lot. So like my beginning perception of the masculine was that he's going to leave. So I feel like that's, it's interesting. We all kind of have this like little core abandonment wound. Um, and yeah. My mom was a people pleaser in every way, like, sacrificial, like, giving beyond her own, like, capacity to give, so when it shows up that, you know, there's needs that may be a little, like, louder than my own, I tend, I tended, I'm working on it, um, to, uh, surrender more to what You know, the masculine sneaks were or people pleasing on my front. I like to tell people I'm a recovering people pleaser. But yeah. Um, I would also love to know what you guys define as co commitment and, um, I have a conscious loving and codependence as well. And if you could provide some examples of how that showed up, if any come to mind.
Couples Podcast:you know, the Similar to what you just mentioned right now. Um, which is that sense of taking things personally when it doesn't go your way.
Beth and Bill:When it
Couples Podcast:Um, that was a big deal for me personally, and that was a, that would, that would trigger the abandonment wound. You know, you're not answering the call, you don't want to hang out with me. We actually just recently talked about this, like you want to go out to hang out with your girlfriends at the club or you want to go do this and it's like, wait, what? You know, you want to go do what? Fine. And I, you know, for me, it was one of those things where, um, you know, I wasn't really like, okay with, but I also didn't want to lose her. So I didn't want to turn it into a, no, I'm not okay with you doing this. Um, it was a fine, like do whatever you want to go do. And like, I'll see you later type of thing. And I would mask it by saying, well, you know, she's coming back to me type of thing, which I think a lot of men do.
Beth and Bill:men do.
Couples Podcast:Um, and, uh, I would say the biggest thing when we were in, uh, that, that codep, that codependency one is not necessarily telling the truth about how you feel. Um, and even if you do, it's not the whole truth. It's partial truth. Exactly. Absolutely. And I think that's a core component for people that are in codependent, which is a lack of the complete truth. and it's, uh, many truths in there, and then even the way that I would portray it, it was a, you know, you know, I don't want to mess with you, but like, you know, I'm kind of sort of maybe feeling like this, you know, soft talk acknowledge that we know now back there we didn't, you know, and, um, I would say now, I would say the biggest thing for us now, um, is that we have a very clear, um, vision for where we want to go. And it involves... Her being her own individual person outside of me, me being my own individual person outside of her. And we choose to walk the path together to get to this place. That's what conscious relationships are. In my opinion, we don't need to overcomplicate them. I think that people really like to overcomplicate things and we're human. That's what we do. We like overcomplicating things and it doesn't need to be particularly complicated. So I think that, um, being clear about wants and needs, uh, being courageous enough to ask for it and not feel bad about it. Um, and then I think. Letting people in, letting people in, that's a big deal, especially for us, right? Like you have that wound and it's like, what's going to happen if I let them in? I don't really want to be like brace for impact, you know, and the best thing you could possibly do. Is let them in and let them see. I do think a big fear for me was if, if I let her see all this, she's going to run for the hills.
Beth and Bill:Yep.
Couples Podcast:She's going to run for the hills. And I know you felt like that too. If, if I get all the way in there, you're not going to want to be with me. So I have to like withhold pieces of who I am or I have to portray myself in a particular way so that you like me and that is a false relationship. You're not in a relationship when you do that. You're create, you're basically, you're with a version,
Beth and Bill:with a version,
Couples Podcast:right? And it really sucks for both people because like one, you can't actually be who you are because now you're having to project this version of yourself that they know. And that takes a lot of work. A lot of work to do that all the time. It's really lying. That's really what it is. And, um, it's really difficult to do that over the long period of time. And quite frankly, eventually it'll all come out. And so I, for me, you know, we're at this point now that it's like, okay, this is how I'm feeling. This is where I'm at right now. This is what's going on. It's not all about you. Most of it's about me. But I need to let you know this so that way we can move forward.
Beth and Bill:Yep. Yep. I
Couples Podcast:That felt better. You know, and in the past it was, um, I don't want to hurt your feet. I don't want to hurt your feelings. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. go from there. That was a big thing for me. It was like the, I heard recently in like the past few years, the aspect of like people pleasing it is manipulation in the bad way because they, you want to uphold a version of. You, that you want them to see you as the nice person, right? And like being nice means that you don't tell the full truth because you might hurt their feelings. And, but that's actually not being kind. It's not being true. And so I know that I definitely withheld certain aspects because I did, I thought that if I told the truth around fill in the blank, then he would then, you know, I would hurt his feelings and then it would cause this big old blow up and then You know, whatever, you know, you what if the bad things, right? It's gonna, it's gonna turn bad, so might as well holdin in. Um, another aspect too, when you're asking about like the whole, uh, codependency, um, I remember, uh, I took this social psychology class, um, when I went back to finish my bachelor's, and she asked about the difference between being independent, codependent, and interdependent. Right? And she asked, what do, uh, which one is, like, better? Raise your hand if you think it's better to be independent. Raise your hand if you think it's better to be codependent versus interdependent. I remember the thing that she... really emphasize in that class is that here in the US, we think that it's best to be independent, right? But the truth is it's best to be interdependent. It's two individual people coming together for that shared meaning and when you're coming from two independent places, it's like I'm a strong independent woman. I don't need you and the here's the thing is like when you're coming from that place of you have a way out you have there's Like, there's this sense of, of, well, if this doesn't work out, then I can go do something else. There's an eject button. Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah. And, and there, and I think having that idea keeps that door open for like, well, I can run away. And that was one of the things that I did often. It was like, oh, I don't want to be, I don't want to be arguing. So I, so shut down. And then I'd run away, I'd go to another room, I need some space. What I didn't realize was that that was creating that abandon, or triggering that abandonment wound. And...
Beth and Bill:also,
Couples Podcast:I was repeating a pattern, right? What I was seeing was, usually with my mom and my brother, them getting into a fight, it being a blow up, and then me just sitting there watching it, and being like, ugh, like, quiet, not knowing what to do, seeing them go away from each other, and then coming back as if nothing happened. I didn't realize I was repeating the thing, and then, you know, coming back to be able to create our own dynamic, then, that was... That was where we became more intentional about the way that we interacted with each other. Being able to express, I'm actually really angry right now, or I'm feeling this way, and, and how can we work through this together? The co commitment part, that, I would say, shh, that,
Beth and Bill:commitment part,
Couples Podcast:Even through marriage, when we got, when we got married, I thought it was the next thing to do, right? Like, we had been together for so long, he asked, I was like, of course I was excited. And there was definitely that part of me that was like, The common thing that I heard was, I don't want to be a bad wife. I don't even know how to be a wife. What does this even mean? I was freaking out internally, but then there was also the part of me that was like, yes, we're getting married, right? It even through that initial part of marriage I didn't know what it meant to be married.
Beth and Bill:of these
Couples Podcast:Going through and actually talking about some of these challenges that were coming up in our dynamic initially That's when we created the actual, most intentional relationship. It wasn't just when we got married. That was definitely a beautiful ceremony that we got to share together. And it was after coming together and saying, Whoa, these are the things that are still coming up. That's when the commit, the true commitment came to say, This is how we're We're choosing to love each other. This is how I want to be loved. This is how you want to be loved Here's how I can show up for you for us and this is what I need for myself You know finally being able to actually get to Have him witness the like What I felt, oh my gosh, the ugliest cries, you know, and being like wanting to hide, you know, and then him seeing me
Beth and Bill:seeing me, and I
Couples Podcast:he didn't run. I was the one that was running from me, you know, and this came years into, we're about to come on, come up on our six year wedding anniversary, but he's seen like the, the, darkest and hardest parts of me in the most recent years, you know, and, and that's because The wedding is it's the beginning it opens up so much, right? One of the things that we've talked about is like are people getting married for the wedding? Or for the marriage, what comes after the wedding, that's when things are really, that's, yeah, that's when it's really there for, you know, and, and again, divorce is a way out and recognize, yes, there are absolutely reasons for some people that The separation is, is a, a necessary component and what is up to us to create this conscious loving relationship?
Beth and Bill:hmm.
Couples Podcast:So we actually, uh, we were actually just talking about this, this like, uh, concept like for, for divorce, right? And we were watching, uh, what the bleep, what the bleep is going on. The like original thing that Joe Dispenza got famous for. Right, right, right. Like the OG one back in the day, right? And um, we were watching it and they had a scene in there talking about uh, when Columbus first landed here that the Native Americans couldn't see the ships because they had no perception of a ship. So they couldn't see them on the horizon. They'd never seen a ship before so they couldn't see it, literally, right? And so it took a shaman.
Beth and Bill:They'd never seen a ship before so they
Couples Podcast:Right to who would go to the water every day and then saw it and thought he saw something He noticed the change in the water not the actual ship He just noticed that there were waves in this one spot. I was like, what is this? And after time eventually saw the ship Right then tells everybody else, then they can see the shit. Because now they have a concept of, look at this spot. Look, there's something there. Right? And so we were talking about as it relates to, uh, relationships is what if we, what if we chose to come together in this very healthy way? You know your needs. I know my needs. We're gonna communicate them to each other. What if we didn't have a concept of separation at all.
Beth and Bill:all.
Couples Podcast:If it didn't exist at all, then how would we treat our relationship? How would we show up? You know, it's getting a little cold, huh? Um, how would we, how would we show up in our relationship and how would we, um, how would we act if there was no eject button? Like we were getting on this plane and this plane is going period and where it's not coming down at any point. So then how would you show up? Right. And I think if, if more people started thinking about it like that, like, I'm not going to get in the plane until I'm ready to get into the plane. And the plane would be the relationship, right? Together, your interdependent relationship where we're clear about where we're going, what's, what's going to happen up there, what we're going to do to handle things, how we want to handle it, and what if there was no eject button, how would we act? And that for me is a big deal, because I think so many people go into relationships like, well, if it doesn't work out, we'll just break up.
Beth and Bill:is a big
Couples Podcast:Like, I'll just get back on a dating app, or I'll just get back on this thing. And, and I think today we're living in a world where the problem is options. You have a million options. And the reality is, is you really don't have that many options, y'all. Like, it might, you might think you have options, but like, um, It's not as, it's not as abundant as you might think. Or as, like, some of these app builders want you to think, you know. And, um, So once we had that conversation, it was really illuminating to me because I was already thinking that but I didn't realize that like conceptually, like what if I didn't, I couldn't conceive of, of this at all, then how would I act? And, uh, for me, that's a big deal because, you know, our, our talks that we've had have been, well, like, I want to be with you forever, forever, forever, like, you know, and, and what do we need to do to make that happen? Instead of, I don't like this, what do I need to do to get out of this?
Beth and Bill:this? Right?
Couples Podcast:Right? Because that's how so many people are looking at when they don't like things. Well, how do I, how, and oftentimes I think for me personally, I was thinking, well, how do I change you?
Beth and Bill:I change you?
Couples Podcast:How do I change you to show up in the way that I want instead of how do I change me to show up in the way that we want? that that suits both of us, and I think that takes a lot of awareness, takes a lot of courage. Man, it takes a lot of courage. And courage requires vulnerability. You can't be courageous without vulnerability, you know? And so, uh, I think through that lens, that allowed us to, to step into a whole other level of relationships, which has now led to us being like, Okay, this is what we do. I can get, I can talk to a couple. I can get you on the same page. I can get you, not only on the same page, in the same book. So many people want to be on the same page, but if you're in one book and she's in another book, does it really matter if you're on the same page? Doesn't matter at all, you know? You got to be in the same book, going in the same place, you know? And I think for us, that was a difference maker for us. Choice, right? Like choosing to do this together. And so we went off on a tangent. Did we answer your question? I don't even remember the question. We just kept going.
Beth and Bill:of relationship. Yeah, reflecting on many things. I mean, co commitment and, and what that's been like for you guys. Stepping into that, which is so fascinating because, um, there's obviously been a massive awakening. with where you started in terms of what's been mirrored back to you as what relationship is. So first and foremost, I just want to acknowledge that and say how beautiful it is and, and how important it is to share your guy's experience. Cause there's so many people that are. I mean, we all want relationship, whether you admit it to yourself or not. It's just how do we go about that and how do we commit to each other and go in the direction we want and have the freedom we want and how do we liberate ourselves and how do we, uh, meet those undiscovered aspects of ourselves in a way that is practical and, and makes sense and that, and that, works and that isn't overcomplicated, um, because like you said, it can be simple. And I love, I just, I feel the embodiment. It feels so good to connect with a couple that's doing the work and has faced the demons, gone in there into the, into the arena and gotten bloody sweaty and, and cried and, you know, been through the darkness and the depths and actually, you know, done the firewalks and, and that's so cool. And I know there's been resources to help you, but it's purely been like an evolution also through just direct experience and commitment to each other and, and really, uh, taking radical responsibility, facing your own shit, um, and meeting each other in it. So, just reflecting on co commitment and what that's looked like for me and how healing it's been. One of the most beautiful things for me, being in a co committed relationship, which this is the most conscious relationship I've been in, where I felt the most free and where I felt I could bring the darkest corners of what's within me to you. And share it and we can look at it together and I, I don't face judgment. You don't project your own, you know, whatever it may be attachments or on me. And if it does happen, that's fine too. We work through that and it can be a little messy, but, uh, being able to consciously reveal things within me that I thought I wasn't acceptable for. And, and, and, and really exploring the edges of what that can be, like, um, you know, fringe sexual experiences, or for example, I acted in a way that I knew was out of alignment. I had masturbated to an ex girlfriend and I was like, this needs to be brought up. And, and this is a reflection of my. Uh, distorted relationship with sex, which we've had a lot of conversations about or what it's came to be just based off of my experience and learning along the way, never got the birds and bees talk, you know, lots of stumbling, falling and like, how does this work? And, you know, figuring out my own way and developing tendencies that were toxic, uh, with my relationship to sex. So I was able to bring that to you and there was no judgment. I felt completely safe and we were able to address it and it's something I'm. You know, Actively working on coming into better alignment with just due to, you know, watching so much porn in my youth and, you know, all these things and like having shame around my relationship to sex and what I've explored sexually and, and all these different things. And as I've been able to illuminate that in this relationship and be seen in it and she's like, I'm here, babe, you know, I love you and you're perfect. And it's, it's totally fine. It's like, oh my God, I can now. Uh, liberate some of my energy and I, I can have more creativity because of it. Cause I'm not, there's not a part of me that's rejecting an aspect of me. So it's. That's what's so beautiful about relationship, is it just, it shows us so much about ourself and it can lead us to so much more freedom and more creative expression and, um, really just the most potentiated version of ourselves, right? Like you said, plant medicines, fucking whatever. It ain't gonna touch intimate relationship. And, and what... can come forward with true closeness. And I reflect on where we're at as a society in terms of what the status quo is. And there's grown ass men with their women that are hiding things from their women. And it's like, dude, isn't it like, Isn't what you want to be as close as possible to the person you're, um, basically signing up, uh, to be with for life? Don't you want to, don't you want to be fully known? Is, I, that's what I want, and I, everybody wants that, I would say, because of how... Much more love shows up within when that occurs. So, yeah, that was just a bit of reflection on my experience with, you know, and, and how for, and I feel so fortunate to have been able to connect it with different individuals along the path, uh, including, you know, of course, Beth and, um, Just have these different elements of myself be awakened and therefore love myself more and therefore be able to Charge ahead in the direction that I want. It's just the ultimate fuel. So I just yeah, it's so important that and
Couples Podcast:Perfect.
Beth and Bill:This will lead me into a great question for you guys. And, you know, you displayed so much beautiful wisdom in what you just shared before, but y'all are moving into relationship coaching.
Couples Podcast:shared
Beth and Bill:are open to it, we'd love to hear, uh, you know, what your process is going to look like in terms of working with people, if you feel called to sharing about that. And it could be a good time to plug what it is that's, you know, You're going to be offering and how it is that you can help people that are in relationship to, to come to a place of conscious loving and really experience all the benefits of what that brings into one's life.
Couples Podcast:um, what you for sharing. Because I think a lot of men really struggle with shame. And they don't want to share things because they are judging themselves so harshly that there's no possible way my partner isn't going to judge me at the same level. But the truth is, is we're always our harshest critic. Always. And, uh, I think, I think that, uh, a lot of men out there, um, can learn from people like me and you who are being honest And, uh, in a very heart centered but also grounded way of like, this happened, this happened, and I'm expressing something that I'm feeling internally, and I'm feeling shame, guilt, whatever, whatever comes up from it, whatever emotions, and I'm comfortable expressing that, I'm not just comfortable expressing, because most men, I think, for me personally, are very comfortable expressing, um, anger, frustration, and
Beth and Bill:Uh,
Couples Podcast:I watched football for the first time this season the other day, 10 minutes in my body was like, so like, Oh my God, so tense from it. And I used to love football. And so I love using sports as an example for men, because like, if you think men aren't emotional, go to a sports bar on a Sunday afternoon, go to a sports bar and just watch and just watch all these dudes whose week is ruined by other grown men doing what they do. Okay. Thank Men are incredibly emotional. And a lot of times they just don't want to admit it. So thank you for sharing something very vulnerable and intimate for yourself. And then also for you being able to like sit there and, and let him be in his, in his energy of like, he's working through this. This has less to do with you and more to do with him. And that's hard for women as well. hmm.
Beth and Bill:I'd love to like, also share on that note, like, you know, it comes up and of course I'm open to receive. And then there's like the part of me that has emotions around it and it's like, what is for me to process? On my own time and in my own way, what, you know, what's come up from maybe my inner child or the parts of me that are like, fearful of abandonment and then what is on the other side of that, how can I now open even more to communicating further and continuing to open that space of safe communication as things arise? Yeah.
Couples Podcast:Yeah. Yeah. It's a big deal for sure. Um, yeah, I really want to touch on that cause I felt like that was a really good point. That you're bringing up and now that, that's a coaching moment too. So someone that's listening like, like this is really important for you to express things. I would say especially those things that are deep, deep, dark corners that like you don't want to go look at. That's where shame lives. That's where it lives and it will grow in the dark,
Beth and Bill:That's where the golden opportunity is
Couples Podcast:Exactly. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. And it, well, recognizing that it feeds on certain things. Right? And I, I, there's, I know there's a quote somewhere that it's like, shame feel feeds on guilt, secrecy and like one of silence, I think in silence. Silence, right? Yeah. And so, like, as long as you keep it hidden Mm-Hmm, it's gonna keep growing. And so to be able to feel so comfortable to even in the discomfort to share, Hey, there's this. thing that happened and to be received openly. There's a sense of like, Oh, right. Um, and on the other side of that, and you touched on it earlier is like the desire to fix and to like, you know, to change, but to be able to. Uh, sit back, witness and accept, right, acceptance of the person that's in front of you, um, going through their, as they go through their own changes, it's like, that's part of what it is that we're bringing within our coaching, um, our new coaching model is like, how can you, How can you be with the person? You know, our, our, our company is called Inspire Change Collective. Change is the constant, right? But how someone changes is up to them. So to be able to witness someone else's change, accept their growth as it happens on their own, while also knowing that you are, you too are changing. There's that, that saying, like, you've changed, and the little butterfly is like, yeah, we're supposed to, right? Like, now. The, the, the, there's like that, um, what's the double edged sword, if you will, in the change process is sometimes thinking that the person that you fell in love with Is is no longer the per like as they go through their change like what if I don't like and this is something that someone Has has recently told me is like well What if I don't like the person that they've changed into what if we're no longer in that alignment? Well, all that tells me is that you've not gotten to meet the person through the change. You're still talking to the person in the version that you met them. Are you the same person? I've been, you know, when we're working with people, they're going through their constant change. Are you introducing yourself? To in all these changes that you meet, are you introducing that new self to the person that you care about? That's really what this is about is like meeting yourself The one the core component of this is that us starts with you So are you able the more that you're able to meet yourself the more you can share that with the person that you care about right and so um, that's really like a core component of what we want to bring to this program and and you know as We connect with people is like sharing these aspects that like your love is your journey, you know, and how you get there is going to be so different from the movies and from your best friend or the, you know, the person that you see on social media, you know, um, but that there are these different aspects that we get to learn about how to be able to, you know, Love each other more intentionally to turn towards each other instead of what the and recognize when you have the desire to run away and say, and instead choose to turn toward because running away sometimes is the easy thing, right? Turning towards each other can be the hard thing. And even if that means I'm very upset right now, but I'm here with you. I'm gonna I'm I'm I'm here right and and to breathe together right to be able to see each other in those deep dark moments. Like that's really what we're what we've learned with each other and and that has Helped us to get to where we are and to be in a van in this teeny tiny space for the for a year and have People turn to us and say wow, you must really like each other. It's like yeah, that's that's that's the point yeah, and on that same note to that was one of the things that we both believe as a foundational components of relationships is that love blooms from like I have to like who you are Right and and a lot of times people will hide behind love and they'll say well, I love you. I love you I love you, but I don't like who you're being and they may not even say I don't like how you're being and the reality Is is that like she's my best friend like we're friends first, right? And if she's my friend before she's my wife Before she's my business partner before all those things then I have to treat her as such and then if I'm if I'm looking at Her like that then most of the time if you're in good relationships with with your friends you support their growth You want to learn about their growth you want to get to know the new version of them not just like hang on to this past version of them and oftentimes what I notice in relationships is that People feel very attached to old versions and then they are threatened by the other person's growth. And I would say you don't need to be so afraid of that. Actually, here's the fun part. Most people think the honeymoon phase only happens once, right? But if you're getting to grow all the time, you get numerous honeymoon phases all the time because you're constantly getting to know each other again. It's like, I'm growing, Hey, here's this thing that I'm doing. And then she can be like, Oh, that's really cool. Where'd you come up with that? Awesome. Well, this is what I was doing. I was doing this meditation. I had this thing. It was awesome. You know, it's really cool. And she's like, wow, that's amazing. And then she goes through and I'm like, cool. Well, what was that like for you? Okay, now we can help each other integrate it. And now we're a new person now. So then as we're new people, we're getting to know each other at a deeper level. So the further she can grow and peel back layers on her own, and I can support her, then the more Yeah. I get to know her and I get to know different versions of her. So then we get another honeymoon phase instead of just one, you know, and that's my whole thing. It's like, how can we make, how can you make this whole thing one massive honeymoon phase instead of it being one six month period, you know? And I think we do that by accepting that you're going to change, right? Like. It's going to happen. Don't run from it, like lean into it and, and enjoy the process. And I think so many couples too, especially when you're together for a long time, we make the mistake of thinking, well, I already know everything about them. I know their favorite band because like seven years ago they liked this band. Like what? You never listened to new music in seven years. What are you talking about? I have a new favorite song like every other month. You know, and, um, it's, it's fun to like learn, like, Oh, I found this new thing. I didn't think I would really like this style of music, but I really like it. And it says something about me that I like this, you know, I'm trying this new thing over here and I don't know if I'm going to like it, but I want to try it. And I'm finding out new stuff about me through that. And as I do that, she gets to know me better. And then we get to go in this round rinse and repeat process. So there's a practical component that we teach, which is, um, in line with Unlifted, which is language. You know, what's the story you're telling yourself about relationships and you know the story for me was I'm too much I'm too much for people
Beth and Bill:Um,
Couples Podcast:I have too much muchness, you know And I had to really deal with that. I had to really deal with that. Like no, I'm not too much for anybody
Beth and Bill:Um, certainly
Couples Podcast:not the people that care about me and as soon as I could do that then
Beth and Bill:um,
Couples Podcast:I could allow myself To do more stuff. So what's the story you're telling? What's the language you're using to describe both your relationship with self, but also your relationship with your intimate, intimate partners. And, um, that's the practical component. And then I think there's the, the more metaphysical component as well, which is when you have one person, right, manifesting one thing, right, it happens. Right. We don't got to go too detailed into manifestation, but like, okay, cool. So like for me personally, right? Here's where I think everyone gets caught up in is the how when you don't need to get up and caught up in the journey. Don't worry about how you're gonna get there. Just focus on being clear about the end. Where are we going at the end of all this? And I think when if I can do that on my own, that's incredibly powerful when I'm in alignment. Right when my body and I think another component of this too is people get caught up in the mind They think the mind is working against them when actually it's your body that's working against you Your body doesn't want you to forget anything that's happened to you. It holds memories inside of it all over So you don't need to convince your mind your minds on your side It wants you to move forward. It looks at things logically, rationally. It's like, okay, cool. We don't want to do that. Let's not do the thing that brings us pain. Let's do the thing that brings us joy. Your body's like, no, no, no. Remember that one time in band camp in fifth grade when this thing happened and you're like, holy shit, that did happen. And so it's the body that needs to be convinced to be safe. Um, and then the mind will follow suit and then the soul will just come forward from there. Right. And so what I think is really beautiful about relationships, and this is why you guys heard us in our workshop saying your relationship is your superpower, right? Because now if she has one on her own, I have one on my own and ours is interconnected with each other. Now we, Are doubling down on that and now the universe is sending everything it can to make it happen here and now and I think you're like amplifying it. Yeah, and it's, it's literally like, cool, let's connect it to this big ass speaker and let's just boom and let's make this happen, you know, and I think it's one of those things that this is another important part of letting people in, like, let them in to see your vision, let them in to see your dream and so that way you can make it happen. You know, together and it's so much better. Like, listen, life is so much better with other people, right? We live in this, in this culture where everyone's like, no, I want to be disconnected. I'm introverted. Like I would ask anybody that's introverted. When you get around people you like, are you introverted? Nope. You start talking up a storm because that's not how we work. We're not introverted or extroverted. It depends on who you're around. And then you speak when you find people that are at your same frequency and resonate with each other, you know? And so. If you can take that same concept as with us, so now if we are on the same frequency and we're rolling together, the universe is like, cool, I got you. I got you. Let's just put you on this little chariot right here and let's just go, boom, go, you know? Yeah, exactly. And, and it's fun. It's fun to have relationships like that,
Beth and Bill:relationships like that. I was curious if you guys have any like, like significant synchronicities to share as you manifest your individual and collective.
Couples Podcast:Haha, it's right there. It's right there. Wait, did we tell you? I don't know if we told you guys. Did we tell them the story? About how we got the van?
Beth and Bill:listeners hear
Couples Podcast:Okay, Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. So we were in, uh, okay. So the first L1 have been lifted, right? They make you do goals, right? For two years out. So I put on my L1 in 2020 van life for a year, right? And, uh, we got up, we got a picture of a van and we put it in, uh, the bathroom. We put it in our office and then on my vision board and then on your vision board. Right. And so, um, And then we moved to Austin. So it didn't happen that first year. And we moved to Austin. I got a job opportunity to move to Austin. We moved to Austin. Job opportunity only was there for three weeks. I got fired. Only time in my life I've ever been fired from a job. And it was because I was like crushing too much, basically. Like, ridiculous. The most absurd thing you've ever heard. That's a whole other story. We could spend an hour on that. Okay, um, so that happens. And at that same time, we're finishing up level three. Right. And one of the things on there is, uh, when we were talking, it was again, another more advanced goal setting session. And one of the things we wrote on there was inspire change headquarters. Right. So at the time we were like, I don't know, like, I just feel like we're going to have an HQ, like, uh, and we were thinking like a storefront, like whether it's like a style of gym or like something that's that people can go to like a brick and mortar style thing, right? So it's October 4th, um, 2021, 2021. And so we're like, okay, we're just gonna put it down for a year. We're just gonna pick a day. So we pick October 4th, 2022. Right? And we put it in our calendar and we go about our year. We do a bunch of stuff in Austin. Austin was great. And then at the end of the year, um, or at the end of our time in Austin, which was about like August, is when we realized, like, we don't really want to stay here that much longer. Rent was increasing to an absurd number. And we also, like, Austin is a, was a fun town. Like, we love Austin, but it didn't really feel like home. It didn't seem like somewhere we wanted to, like, put down roots. It just felt like a really fun place to be. Right. Um, and so then we're like, so what do we do? It's August or our lease is up in September. And so we're like, okay, I think we can figure out a van. I think so. I'm not positive, but like, let's figure it out. So we go. Um, A bunch of stuff happens. Uh, we think we weren't gonna get it because, uh, the first van we looked at was overpriced, had some physical damage on the outside, and then it didn't even really have the layout we wanted. It was cute, but it didn't have the layout we wanted. And so I'm like, okay, we only got a week left. On our before, we gotta be outta the apartment, before we gotta be out. So like it's hitting the fan right now. Hitting the fan and then magically, of course, abracadabra,
Beth and Bill:boom.
Couples Podcast:the van we had put together that I had only seen two.
Beth and Bill:two
Couples Podcast:With this layout that we wanted, um, magically appears on a website, a much better price within our price range. Um, we already had the cash, we had the funds to do it. And so I called the lady and the lady had two people that she had seen prior that had tried to like lowball her even more of her very well priced offer. It had 25, 000 miles or 20, 000 miles on it. I'm sorry. And um, So she was like, listen, like, if you want to do this, like I had two people bail on me. You have to send me a 2, 000 non refundable deposit right now. And I was like, cool, send me some, send me some like videos, right? And I want to see you turn the engine to make sure the engine works. And then show me all the stuff and then cool, we'll go. So the previous two people had already done the Carfax and they had already sent it into Independent. Uh, mechanics to take a look at it. So she sends me those two that I would have paid for anyways. Right. So it's already done. We do it. And I'm like, cool, I got it. Here's the 2000, send it to her right away. And she was like, wait, what? And I was like, yeah, I got it. Let's do it right now. Like I'm going to fly out in two days and she's like a little like what just happened right now too. So I fly out to Columbus, I get it. And she's like, I think she's a little nervous too, cause we're young and you know, it's not, it's not cheap to get one and we're paying in cash. I'm like, cool. Let's go to the bank. Let's do this. We go to the bank, cut her a cashier's check. Do it. I drive it back home. I get back home two days later. I was super excited that first day. So I drove like 18 hours. I had like three nitro cold brews, like bad idea. Don't ever do that. But I did it. And I listened to so much music. Right. And so I was bumping the whole way over there. Right. And so we get back, packed everything up in the van. We get moving. The day we leave is October 4th, 2022.
Beth and Bill:22,
Couples Podcast:we're bouncing out from Austin, we get the notification on our phone, Google calendars, InspireChange HQ has opened up and we look around and we're like, holy shit, this is InspireChange HQ right now. This is crazy that it would happen like that because we totally forgot about it. We totally forgot about it. We put it in there and just forgot literally and it popped up and we were like this was meant to be like this is one of those like it was always going to happen like this and this is the like letting go process of things like you don't have to know how you're going to get to the thing you want to get to. You just need to know that's where I'm going and believe that that's where we're going.
Beth and Bill:Plant the flag, write it down.
Couples Podcast:Yep, exactly. And that is, that was a, that was definitely a spooky, spooky one. We called Mark right away. We were like, dude, you have to hear this story. Right? So we tell him and he's like, yeah, of course it would happen like that. You know, like, yeah, and so we've had many moments like that throughout being in the van as well. Lots of things are like, can't make it up. Like, that's the beauty of the universe is like, when you like, look too hard, you can't see stuff. And when you let go, you see everything,
Beth and Bill:know?
Couples Podcast:you know, and there's been plenty of moments for us like that. But I would say that was the like, that was the wild one for sure. Where we both got the notification at the same time on our phones as we're driving away. And it was like, wow, that just happened right now.
Beth and Bill:Did you scream?
Couples Podcast:Oh, we had a moment. Yeah, we definitely did. Yeah, definitely did. Definitely cried and, and uh, you know, it was a beautiful thing. Cried like a man.
Beth and Bill:That's such a great shift. Not to go into that, but to land this plane anything else about what y'all are moving into with relational coaching that you want to share and then any last words that you want to share with the people whatever is on top of heart and then let's plug social medias and we will Finish up. I actually, can I ask one more question? So, this is something that came up for us, uh, upon beginning our relationship, but um, polarity and like, um, being able to keep passion alive when you're like, double, tripling as a like, business partner, best friend, roommates, all of the things. How do you keep like, romance and passion a priority and alive in your relationship?
Couples Podcast:and passion a priority in your life? Well, you know, what's interesting is, um, growing up. I, in the, when we were talking about the aspect of like being able to receive love and how that plays out now, I definitely was not a very like touchy feely person growing up. I was like, ugh, you know? And he wanted to cuddle. At first I was like, I'm a cuddler, ah, what is this? You know? Um, but as I, Got safer in my body and recognize the safety within us. Um, I realized that was actually something that I craved. You know, something that I wanted. And, um, She's also a cutter. Yeah, right. And, um, yeah, now being able to, to, uh, express my wants and needs, my desires. And, uh, and prioritize that. That's really the big thing is like being able to prioritize our, our connection. Um, it's. It's something that, at first, I couldn't wrap my head around, like, do I have to, like, you know, some people like put it on a calendar, like, uh, what? Uh, but being able to actually, um, let things flow and show up from a place of knowing my, my needs, my, my cycle, um, and Letting him in to, to, to witness and be a part of that. And so now we've actually got a pretty solid, uh, base of like, understanding how that monthly cycle does influence my desires, my wants, my needs. Um, and then also tending to like, what are his wants and needs and being able to communicate, express those things and, um. Again, from a place of, like, curiosity, of compassion, and knowing that, like, we may not always be on the same level, um, but, like, can we accommodate for some of those things? Can we, um, you know, little, like, hand holding, touch, physical touch, like, sitting there, cuddles, and whatever it is that, you know, feels good in the moment.
Beth and Bill:masculine is
Couples Podcast:And then I think for me to, uh, leaning more into my, into my masculine is initiating things and like, I know what she likes. So it's my responsibility to go make those things happen, you know, and, uh, go try to find ways to, to be romantic. You know, I don't believe that, that people aren't romantic. I don't believe that men aren't romantic. I think we all are. They just struggle with like, well, what are my guy friends going to say if I like
Beth and Bill:they're like
Couples Podcast:and. Doing cute stuff like they're gonna look at you like you're awesome cuz they struggle with that and maybe they'll be inspired by you I don't know Right, and so I definitely lean into that a lot more now and just figure out ways to do stuff You know, I know the stuff she likes so like we stopped at museums When we were over here, we did a dance class At a Cuban restaurant together. So we went to dinner and then did a dance class. We also like, uh, because we're in the van, like, picnics are like a regular occurrence for us. And while at a previous time that would have been a date, this is a regular way that we eat food. So so much of those things are just part of our regular life to now where I don't have to think about it. It's just part of it, you know? Um, Lots of hugs. Lots of, lots of, I would say, uh, I would say intimacy without the need to go into sex. That's the big thing. A lot, which I think a lot of people could use that with. And so, to, to, you know, wrap it up, um, uh, we really help, I would say, I would say two, two kinds of people, which is one, couples who want to create closeness. And, uh, who wants to share things with each other that maybe they don't have the language or the know how to feel comfortable doing it. And they need someone else to be the catalyst for them to just show them how to do it. So that's one group. But I would also say we also are really good at helping people who want to be in relationships and want to work on themselves to in order to show up better for whenever the time is for relationships. And, uh, you know, we don't discriminate against anybody. So like, you know, we're open to helping. Anybody at any time. Um, and that's, that's why, that's why we called our company inspired changes. We want to be an inspiration so that people can be inspired to go change their own lives. And I'm not going to do it for you, but I will show you how we did it. And I will teach you the ways in which we created this very beautiful, loving relationship. And some of those things will work. Some of them might not work, but I can show you that how it, how it worked for us. And I teach people things based on what. What I've done so I don't teach anybody anything that I don't personally do all of the time and I think that works a lot for people and
Beth and Bill:um,
Couples Podcast:Yeah, it's been, uh, it's been a wonderful conversation. So, super glad we got to meet you guys, too, at the Lake House. A year ago? A year ago, about right now, actually, a year ago, you know? And so, you know, it was wonderful. I had heard about you, obviously, because I had seen the chain, you know, and I was like, damn, that would be cool to have a jeweler that I know. That would be awesome. And so now I do, you know, and so it's been a pleasure to get to know you guys and connect and meet other conscious couples too that are working through things just like we're working through things. So, you know, thank you guys for having us on. Thank you for sharing your love and light with us and allowing us to do the same with you guys.
Beth and Bill:to do the same with you guys. couple's Reiki session and last couple's Reiki
Couples Podcast:Oh, that's cool.
Beth and Bill:And I remember being able to feel, like, the energy flow from your hearts, because you were laying next to each other, like, flowing, like, almost, like, circular in between your bodies. Yeah.
Couples Podcast:That was our first experience. Yeah. Yeah. And last couple months. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Beth and Bill:That was our first time too. Very magical.
Couples Podcast:So thank you so much. Yeah.
Beth and Bill:Thank you so much. How can people reach you?
Couples Podcast:Yes. So, uh, my, uh, personal Instagram tag is evolved with Eric. Uh, our company one is inspired change co and mine's joyful. Jenny. Thank you.
Beth and Bill:so, uh, my, uh, personal Instagram tag is evolvedwitherick. Our company one is inspiredchange.
Couples Podcast:station. If you want to support the show, leave a review. Please
Beth and Bill:That would be helpful, and please share with anyone that you also think would find value in this. So... Even your mom and dad. That could be edgy. Yeah. And aside from working a professional relationship, we're here as human beings that want to support other human beings. So if you're going through a hard time, if you're in some serious darkness and you don't know what to do and you feel lost, we're all here. We'd love to, you know, lend an ear, um, and, and do what we can for you. So we appreciate you tuning in. This is The Relation Station and we'll see y'all next time. Smooches. Thank you. Love you. Bye!
Couples Podcast:Adios!