Welcome to episode 14 of Thanks For Thinking, the music business podcast focusing on self-reflection and proactivity for thoughtful music production professionals.
I’m your host, Carl Bahner.
Today’s topic: Conflicting Goals
We’re two months into 2022, and I thought it would be a great time to revisit the goals we set at the beginning of the year. If you haven’t listened to episode 2 yet, pause this episode and go back and listen to that one first, because otherwise this episode won’t be as useful as it could be.
Alright, so let’s jump right into it.
Back at the beginning of the year, we talked about setting SMART goals (goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound) rather than just creating a “wish list” of things that we hope to get accomplished this year.
Maybe you’re on track to hit your goals, and maybe you’ve fallen behind on some of them. And maybe some of the goals became less important (or completely irrelevant) as time went on and context changed.
Regardless of what the goals are and how they’re panning out, I feel very strongly that understanding WHY they’re “on track” or “off-track” can help you to make smarter adjustments.
I’ll use one of my own resolutions as an example.
One of the goals I set was to write three episodes per week for this podcast.
Was it specific? Yes.
Measurable? Yep.
Achievable? Well, we’ll get back to that in a moment. (This is what we in the biz call “foreshadowing”).
Relevant? Definitely.
Time-bound? Very much so.
Alright. So… about that “achievable” part. When it comes to writing, recording, editing, and publishing three podcast episodes per week, the letter A in SMART goal may have unintentionally meant “ambitious.”
I did great in January, putting out full episodes on Mondays and Wednesdays, and then the shorter discussion prompt episodes on Fridays. Was it helpful? I’d like to think so. Was it cathartic for me? Definitely. But could I keep that going at a sustained pace? Apparently not.
So should I blame the goal? No way! I mean, at the time, I did think it was sustainable. Ok, so then should I blame myself? My lack of willpower or persistence? Well, I wouldn’t blame myself either because I was still pushing as hard as I could to grow my business while maintaining a healthy work/life balance (or at least attempting to do so, anyway).
So what or who do I blame?
Well, nothing. Nobody. Because that doesn’t help me to learn or adapt.
I would rather figure out WHY I slowed down, what that teaches me about the bigger picture of my career and my life, and how I can create a better, more sustainable game plan.
Thankfully, I don’t have to dig too deep to figure out what slowed me down. It was actually one of my OTHER New Years' resolutions - to think less about work during my off hours, ESPECIALLY during those hours between when my daughter gets home from school and when she goes to bed. Before becoming a parent, it was easier to just work work work work work work work. It’s something I’ve always struggled with because I’m a very driven person and I genuinely love my job. But, my priorities have shifted over the years and I want to make sure that my actions reflect those priorities.
So my achiev- um, I mean, ambitious, goal of publishing three episodes a week was unintentionally at odds with my other goal of spending more quality time with my family. I subconsciously made the incorrect assumption that these two goals were mutually exclusive (a little throwback to episodes 5 and 6 right there). But I’m only one person with a finite amount of time each day, not to mention a finite amount of mental energy, so no matter how unrelated my goals seem to be on the surface, there’s only so much I can physically and mentally do.
Family time is incredibly important to me because, well, DUH. I’ve got an amazing wife who is an inspiring role model for our endlessly-loving goofball daughter - both of whom love time spending time in nature or snuggled up watching Encanto for the 700th time.
On the other hand, this podcast has become unexpectedly important to me. It started out as a crazy idea while I was in COVID isolation, but has turned into a very cathartic experience for me - functioning as a bit of an audio journal, a challenge to continue overcoming my fear of public speaking, and not to mention it being a really good way for potential brand strategy & coaching clients to get to know me.
I could prioritize my goal of writing, recording, editing, and publishing three podcast episodes each week, but that would take away from either my quality family time goals, or cut into my normal mixing work or brand strategy time.
I could prioritize the quality family time, but I would have to either significantly cut into my working studio hours to make time for the podcast, reduce the number and frequency of episodes, or reduce the quality and thoughtfulness of each episode.
Or, I could just ignore the problem altogether and have EVERYTHING suffer. Low-quality family time, low-quality podcast episodes, and low-quality mixing work. Well, obviously that last option is not gonna fly. If I’m not going to do something at the highest level I possibly can, I’m not going to do it at all. MAYBE I could “have it all” so to speak, if I just stayed up super late every night after the rest of my family is asleep, and compromise my sleep habits, to the detriment of my physical and mental health.
So I was left with a choice - I had to choose which of these two goals were more important to me.
Once I considered the pros and cons of each, it didn’t take me long to realize the obvious choice: prioritize quality family time, and carve a small amount of time during my normal workday to work on one podcast episode per week. I’m also going to continue doing the Discussion Prompts in the Thanks For Thinking Podcast Community, but not releasing them as standalone podcast episodes. In hindsight, I don’t think those super short prompt episodes provided as much value as the discord discussions themselves. The link to the discord server is in the show notes if you’d like to join us.
I wanted to add one more very important stipulation: to forgive myself if I have to skip a week every now and then.
I appreciate every single one of you who are listening to this episode and I’d bet that if this podcast resonates with you, you’d probably forgive me too. You value mental health, family time, and high quality, thoughtful creative output much more than you value THE GRIND. If not, you probably would’ve changed to a different podcast a long time ago. So the only real pressure to do so many episodes was purely self-imposed pressure. And besides - if I didn’t stop to look objectively at how my career choices were affecting my personal life and relationships, I’d be missing the entire f***cking point of this podcast.
Find a comfortable spot without distractions. I’d like you to spend the next few minutes thinking about times in your life when you’ve had to choose between two opposing goals.
Today’s reflection question is: How do I handle situations when I realize I do not have enough time or mental energy to pursue all of my goals?
Don’t worry about setting a timer: when the music stops, we’ll move on to today’s action item.
Once again, today’s reflection question is: How do I handle situations when I realize I do not have enough time or mental energy to pursue all of my goals?
I’ll be back in a few minutes.
If you need more time, hit pause and come back when you’re ready.
If you’re like me, you’re cursed with big ambitions and have gone to great lengths to avoid having to prioritize them. It’s not because we don’t know that it’s important or necessary, but we just hate having to abandon a goal - even if we know objectively that it’s the right move. Personally, when I decide to stop pursuing a goal, my natural instinct is to feel guilty or ashamed. Not because I’m letting anyone else down, which sometimes is the case, but mostly because I feel like I’m letting myself down.
However, one thing that I’ve learned over the years while trying to balance a marriage, a career, fatherhood, and friendships - is that I had a tendency to interpret “I can do anything I put my mind to” as “I can do EVERYTHING I put my mind to” and that’s just not feasible. It took me a long time to come to terms with that.
That’s why I put such a high priority on working with clients that I really get along with, on projects that I really enjoy. Even though I could do anything, I can’t do everything, so I want to focus my time, energy, and care into the people and goals that bring me the most happiness and fulfillment.
To complete today’s action item, all you’ll need is a word processor or a pen & paper.
Today’s action item is: write down the pros and cons of two opposing goals you have, and think of some ways you can set a more achievable game-plan for the “second place” goal.
Alright, time to get started. I’ll be back in a few minutes.
If you need more time, hit pause and come back when you’re ready.
Saying no to your own goals is hard. Just like saying no to potential clients who aren’t a good fit, it’s terrifying at first - but the more comfortable you become with it, the freedom, clarity, and happiness that it brings is an amazing feeling. And each time you make these kinds of difficult decisions, you’ll get more and more comfortable and confident in your own ability to prioritize happiness over hustle.