SOUND: Opening theme music

 

EXT. BALLOON FOREST

 

SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes

SOUND: Balloon forest ambiance

SOUND: Mind ambiance

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on rubber

 

YEMILINA

Hello? Caveman? We understand we’re walking through a physical manifestation of your thoughts, but is your actual body in here somewhere? Can you see us? Are you invisible? Caveman? Pisanna, you never told us his name.

 

PISANNA

Arnold.

 

YEMILINA

Arnold, can you hear us? Can you speak?

 

PISANNA

I did tend to call him ‘Caveman,’ as a nickname. He called me ‘Bam-Bam.’

 

WENOBURT

Come out, Caveman! Your friend Bam-Bam is here.

 

YEMILINA

Don’t you say it, Wenoburt. It might have a nasty story behind it.

 

PISANNA

Arnold thought of it from an entertainment series he used to watch. It was a perfectly innocent nickname.

 

YEMILINA

I can’t assume anything attached to a violent vandal is innocent. I’d sooner keep every name you’ve ever had out of the mouths of children.

 

PISANNA

(huffy noise)

Are you taking hormone balancing potions? You seem to be having a fit of hysterics.

 

YEMILINA

I was just as hysterical before I was pregnant!

 

TELOOPA

I’ll vouch for that. So this mindscape…

 

SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes

SOUND: Balloon forest ambiance

SOUND: Mind ambiance

 

TELOOPA

…kind of hard to navigate.

 

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on rubber

 

ENELCIA

Just like on the outside. Everything keeps changing.

 

SOUND: Mind ambiance – checkout scanner beeps

 

YEMILINA

Is that some kind of machine from Arnold’s life? I wonder what it’s for.

 

PISANNA

No idea. He didn’t describe anything like that to me.

 

SOUND: Mind ambiance – dice rolling

 

YEMILINA

Dice. I know those.

 

SOUND: Mind ambiance – marshmallows roasting

 

YEMILINA

Gooey, white food heating up over a campfire…

 

PISANNA

Those must be marshmallows. He likes those.

 

SOUND: Mind ambiance – truck revving engine

 

YEMILINA

(startled noise)

And one of those car things – a big, red one with tall wheels.

 

SOUND: Mind ambiance – truck driving

SOUND: Mind ambiance – remote control truck

 

ENELCIA

There’s a smaller one. Looks just the same.

 

PISANNA

Oh, oh, his truck! He loves his truck. He has a real one he drives and a toy of the same thing. 

 

WENOBURT

A toy for a grownup?

 

PISANNA

I’m not supposed to call it that. It’s a model.

 

SOUND: Mind ambiance – all sounds

 

WENOBURT

Arnold has a noisy brain.

 

SOUND: Dragon roars and flames

 

WENOBURT

Whoa!

 

ALL:

(startled noises)

 

SOUND: Dragon bite

SOUND: Man screaming

SOUND: Dragon chomping flesh and crunching bones

 

PISANNA

Oh, that’s a bad memory. We watched that dragon attack. It’s the first time Arnold saw a dragon eat someone.

 

TELOOPA

That must be traumatic if you’ve never seen it before.

 

PISANNA

Yes, it was. He begged me for magic to erase his memory of it, but I didn’t think I should seek that out. It would be erasing the next best thing to our native instinct to avoid dragons.

 

ENELCIA

You really think he’d walk right up to a dragon if he hadn’t watched an attack?

 

PISANNA

In his time, their dragon legends are all over the place. Dragons can be anything from monsters to cuddly pets.

 

WENOBURT

That’s so silly!

 

SOUND: Mind ambiance – lightsaber

 

PISANNA

That must be a lightsaber.

 

WENOBURT

Is that a weapon? Are we under attack?

 

PISANNA

I don’t think it’s a practical weapon. It’s symbolic…or, well, it’s cool. It might be a toy.

 

SOUND: Monkeys vocalizing

SOUND: Pattering footsteps

 

ENELCIA

Watch where you’re going, you fuzzy monkeys! We’re not beds. Don’t jump on us.

 

WENOBURT

They’re so hairy. Pffff! You’re tickling my nose, monkey. Stop hugging me!

 

TELOOPA

No hugs for me either. Off.

 

SOUND: Body shove

SOUND: Monkey shriek

 

YEMILINA

Oh, they must be mind-monkeys, coming to hug away the trauma of the dragon memory. There, there, you goofy furball. Yes, I’ll hug you, mmmm.

 

SOUND: Monkeys vocalizing

SOUND: Pattering footsteps

 

YEMILINA

Oh, one at a time! You’re squishing my baby.

 

TELOOPA

Shoo!

 

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Banishing spell

SOUND: Monkeys vocalizing fades out quickly

SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes – one tune getting louder than the others

 

PISANNA

There’s another tune he sang. Listen!

 

SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes – other tunes fading out – loud ‘itsy bitsy’

 

PISANNA

I remember. It goes…

(singing:)

The itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout,

Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

 

WENOBURT

Poor spider! Don’t cave kids like happy songs?

 

YEMILINA

Between the injured monkeys and the drowning spider, it does seem like they’re not so fond of animals.

 

TELOOPA

I don’t know. We have a lot of songs about humans getting eaten by dragons. We don’t hate humans.

 

YEMILINA

Good point. I suppose beds that tempt you to jump on them could be a common problem in their culture.

 

SOUND: Skittering spider

 

WENOBURT

There’s a spider, look! It’s tiny.

 

ENELCIA

I see it. Can I squish it? It would look really good on my foot.

 

TELOOPA

Let’s follow the spider. If it’s on its way to a waterspout, that might be an exit.

 

ENELCIA

Yeah, I bet Arnold needs that. He could be hiding behind the children’s song to protect his sanity.

 

SOUND: Skittering spider

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on rubber

 

PISANNA

(humming ‘itsy bitsy spider’)

It’s a catchy tune, isn’t it?

(singing:)

The incy wincy spider—

 

YEMILINA

Wait a minute – ‘incy wincy’? I thought you said the song was about an ‘itsy bitsy’ spider?

 

PISANNA

No, ‘incy wincy’ sounds right.

 

YEMILINA

Oh, really, then why did you call it an ‘itsy bitsy’ spider before? You thought that sounded right, or you wouldn’t have said it.

 

PISANNA

Itsy bitsy. I think I said that both times.

 

YEMILINA

You did not! We’re counting on you to know these lyrics and you’ve already failed. If we’re following the wrong spider—

 

ENELCIA

B-but don’t both things mean…‘small’? Does it really matter whether this spider we’re following is ‘incy’ or ‘bitsy’?

 

YEMILINA

Of course it matters! Incy wincy would obviously be a smaller spider than one that is itsy bisty. Pisanna is spewing random size guesses, because she has no real memory of this song. It could be about a muddy, tubby warthog for all we know.

 

PISANNA

It’s stupid to pick a fight with me. I invited you. I don’t have a problem with you, if you’ll just be civil.

 

YEMILINA

You know what’s really stupid? If you’d let Nazzy come instead of me, she would have been nicer to you.

 

PISANNA

She just knows she screwed up.

 

YEMILINA

If she really wanted to hurt you, you wouldn’t be here to complain about anything.

 

PISANNA

So you believe only an evil time traveler should be held accountable for her actions? Your capacity to overlook her mistakes is unhealthy – like you’re under a spell. You lost thirty-one years of your life to that freak, and you still treat her like a sister.

 

YEMILINA

I gained a new life and by the sounds of it, you did, too! You don’t really wish she’d never brought Arnold to Wilzerlott, because you fell in love with him.

 

PISANNA

It wasn’t my fault. He fell in love with me first!

 

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on eggshells

 

YEMILINA

I have a hard time believing that wasn’t your fault. Only a love potion could make anyone fall for you!

 

PISANNA

(offended noise)

 

TELOOPA

Hey, hey, you’re walking on eggshells.

 

YEMILINA

I am not. I’m being blunt and harsh.

 

TELOOPA

Literal eggshells! Looks like dragon eggs. Just hatched. Mind-dragons could be coming to protect their young.

 

WENOBURT

There’s a waterspout! Look! It’s way bigger than the spider. The caveman could be hiding inside that.

 

ENELCIA

Does it lead to another song?

 

TELOOPA

What if we climb up and rain washes us out?

 

WENOBURT

We’ll have to climb up the spout again. Laaaa!

 

TELOOPA

That seems counter-productive. The rain and spout are probably linked in a vicious cycle. Remember: not even one of the little monkeys chose to stop jumping after they saw a monkey’s head get bumped.

 

SOUND: Mind-dragons roaring

 

ENELCIA

Uh, if those mind-dragons do catch us…they’re not real, right? They can’t really hurt us? Right?

 

TELOOPA

The mind-monkeys felt real.

 

ENELCIA

And this is where you give me a brilliant reason why mind-dragons will be different, right? Please? Please…

 

TELOOPA

Sorry.

 

ENELCIA

(nervous noise)

 

WENOBURT

Don’t be scared! I can fight mind-dragons with my dagger.

 

SOUND: Dagger unsheathed from boot

 

WENOBURT

Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

 

SOUND: Dagger whooshes

SOUND: Dagger flat hit

 

WENOBURT

Ow, I hit myself with it.

 

ENELCIA

You used to have a sword.

 

WENOBURT

I can’t hide that in my boot. I’m a sneaky slayer now.

 

PISANNA

Speaking of sneaks, princess – you’re a cradle robber!

 

YEMILINA

That was a terrible segway.

 

PISANNA

Well, getting back to love potions…what did you do to Sir JP?

 

YEMILINA

Natural charm, I’m afraid. You have no dirt to throw at me.

 

PISANNA

Except that your first kiss was your adult lips on his newborn forehead.

 

YEMILINA

You are the most time-travel phobic person I have ever met. You have a problem.

 

PISANNA

Normalizing is the problem! Anything goes, doesn’t it? Whatever pops into Nazzy’s head in the moment – and it’s never a service to society.

 

YEMILINA

Never? She took the Box of Doom far away from Wilzerlott and disarmed—

 

PISANNA

She watched the queen summon Sap Bugs from another dimension and she didn’t even try to stop it.

 

YEMILINA

(gasp)

How do you know about that? Have you been torturing Nazzy for information?

 

PISANNA

Torture? Seriously?

 

YEMILINA

You did throw a transformation potion on her.

 

PISANNA

That’s self defense.

 

YEMILINA

From what?

 

PISANNA

Her ticking time bomb genes. We’re all safer if she’s never in her own body again.

 

YEMILINA

Is that your ultimate goal? You want to frog her?

 

PISANNA

She can be any creature she wants.

 

TELOOPA

Mermaids are fun.

 

YEMILINA

Don’t you dare help her!

 

TELOOPA

Not helping. Just talking. I’m feeling left out.

 

YEMILINA

I think you’re looking for a scapegoat, Pisanna. Arnold broke up with you and you know it’s your fault. You’d rather blame anyone else.

 

PISANNA

He didn’t break up with me!

 

YEMILINA

Then why was he out in the forest all by himself? Why did you think he’d been eaten when he hadn’t? He must have been out of contact with you.

 

PISANNA

Shut up!

 

YEMILINA

Oooo, is that a sensitive topic? You know what it’s time to do when a man gets you this worked up, don’t you? It’s time to work on yourself.

 

PISANNA

You need to work on your snobbery. You want us to think you’re enlightened royalty, but it’s all an act. You believe you’re better than us.

 

YEMILINA

You’re confusing me with my mother.

 

PISANNA

You’re just as bad. You only befriended Nazzy for her power. If she were an ordinary person, you would have ignored her.

 

YEMILINA

That’s not true!

 

PISANNA

Let’s test that. Let’s see how long you keep visiting her once she’s a frog.

 

YEMILINA

No! No froging! Sh-she’s not the only friend I ever made outside nobility.

 

PISANNA

She’s the only one you still have.

 

YEMILINA

The love of my life comes from a long line of peasants.

 

PISANNA

Yes, and he became a famous dragon slayer. My point exactly.

 

YEMILINA

So what do you even mean by ‘ordinary peasant’ then – a person with no talent or skill of any kind? Are you implying all ordinary peasants I should have befriended are boring? That’s on you! Look what you just called yourself! Oh, that’s right, you paint glass. You’re special, too. Watch out before I get shallow and start faking love for you!

 

PISANNA

(angry noise)

You have some nerve.

 

SOUND: Mind-dragon wings

 

YEMILINA

You mean I’m right.

 

PISANNA

Nazzy had the nerve to pretend she’d find the queen’s original research, so those Pus Bugs the queen wanted to summon can finally save us from dragons. You’re both aggravating.

 

YEMILINA

What? You already asked Nazzy to find—?

 

WENOBURT

(gasp)

The mind-dragons! They’re flying this way!

 

SOUND: Mind-dragons roaring

 

ENELCIA

Up the waterspout! Let’s go!

 

YEMILINA

So Nazzy knows what you want.

 

PISANNA

It doesn’t matter. She won’t help.

 

YEMILINA

If she said she will, then she will. It’s you we can’t trust!

 

ENELCIA

Guys, guys, trauma dragons!

 

SOUND: Mind-dragons roaring

 

PISANNA

You braggart!

 

YEMILINA

You maggot!

 

ENELCIA

You don’t have time to kill each other! Stop it!

 

PISANNA

Nazzy won’t look for that research!

 

YEMILINA

She’s doing it right now, because she cares about bigger things than you ever will!

 

ENELCIA and WENOBURT

(improv: ‘Stop it! Pay attention!’)

 

TELOOPA

Don’t bother. They can go first.

 

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Telekinesis spell

SOUND: Two body slams on metal

SOUND: Two bodies falling with water

 

PISANNA and YEMILINA

(startled scream)

 

WENOBURT

(singing:)

Bam-bam and the princess went down the waterspout.

(speaking:)

Follow me, vivicord!

 

SOUND: Climbing on metal

SOUND: One body slam on metal

SOUND: One body falling with water

 

WENOBURT

Wheeeeeee!

 

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Telekinesis spell

SOUND: Vivicord yelp

 

ENELCIA

This will be a slight interruption, fair listeners. The vivicord will have to dry out before it can keep recording.

 

SOUND: One body slam on metal

SOUND: One body falling with water

SOUND: Vivicord cut out

 



INT. CASTLE

 

SOUND: Vivicord

SOUND: Distant footsteps on hard floor

SOUND: Distant doors opening and closing

SOUND: Rustling linen

 

NAZZY

Hello, fair listeners. I’m inside the castle, about forty-four years ago. This is after the queen accidentally unleashed Sap Bugs on Wilzerlott, but I have a hunch her research for summoning the correct bugs might have improved in the years following that mistake. She was desperate to cover it up. Getting credit for wiping out dragons would have fixed it, in her mind. Anyway, I’m doing some random checks. I felt drawn to this moment in time. Maybe there will be good notes here.

 

SOUND: Child skipping on hard floor

 

CHILD YEMILINA 

(improv: singing to herself)

 

NAZZY

Looks like little Yemmy is exploring. She’s not on her usual floor of the castle. This is where the servants are bustling around, rearranging guest rooms and airing out linen. Little Yemmy is skipping by a room they used to store all the queen’s extra ballgowns. The door’s ajar and she’s having a peek inside.

 

SOUND: Creaking door

 

CHILD YEMILINA

(improv: singing to herself)

 

NAZZY

Ohhh…I’ve come right when…that explains it. I was drawn here because it’s the first time I ever talked to the princess. I was afraid she would get me in trouble. Then she was just…not like the princess I thought she’d be. Not like the queen.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

(gasp)

 

SOUND: Time Travel – arriving

 

SOUND: Dress rustling

 

CHILD NAZZY

Princess! I didn’t mean to be here. I can explain.

 

NAZZY

(whispering)

Oh, wow, we were really little. I really don’t want to mess with this. I better hide.

                                                                                          

SOUND: Retreating footsteps on hard floor

SOUND: Tapestry movement

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Did you just teleport? You weren’t there a second ago.

 

CHILD NAZZY

Yes, I was. I was hiding.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

No, you weren’t. What are you doing with that? That’s my mommy’s dress.

 

SOUND: Dress rustling

 

CHILD NAZZY

I’m not stealing! Please don’t be mad.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

It’s too big for you. Why do you want it?

 

CHILD NAZZY

I just need to move it. Your mommy won’t notice. I promise.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Who are you?

 

CHILD NAZZY

My name is Nazzy.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Is your daddy the royal sorcerer?

 

CHILD NAZZY

My dad works in the laundry room.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

What about your mommy?

 

CHILD NAZZY

She works with him.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

I didn’t know our servants had magic kids.

 

CHILD NAZZY

I’m not magic.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Why are you pretending you’re not magic?

 

CHILD NAZZY

Well, I might have a gene.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

What’s that?

 

CHILD NAZZY

There’s a rare gene in my family – time travel.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

(gasp)

You’re from another time!

 

CHILD NAZZY

I guess so. It’s my first jump.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

What time are you from? Am I old like a hag? Am I a baby?

 

CHILD NAZZY

You look the same.

 

SOUND: Dress rustling

 

CHILD NAZZY

Your mommy spills wine on this soon. Tomorrow, I think.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

You’re from tomorrow?

 

CHILD NAZZY

Please don’t tell the queen I time-jump. I didn’t mean to. I was just wishing the dress would be clean. My mommy couldn’t get the stain out. She needs this one.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

You look upset. Does time travel hurt? My mommy has lots of gold. She can buy a new dress.

 

CHILD NAZZY

She doesn’t want to. She was so mad. She thinks we have magic soap. I’m scared the queen will put my mommy in the dungeon.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

I’m sorry my mommy was mean to your mommy. Can I help?

 

CHILD NAZZY

Really?

 

CHILD YEMILINA

I can’t help you time travel, but I could help you find the dresses. When they’re brand new and they look the cleanest, Mommy doesn’t let servants touch them. If you need to move those ones, I could show you where she keeps them.

 

CHILD NAZZY

You’d do that for me? I shouldn’t even be talking to you.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Why not? Is your mommy scared of me, too? If I live in the laundry room, can I be your friend?

 

CHILD NAZZY

You can be my friend no matter where you live.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Yay! Can I show you my Pegasus and all my toys and my kitty?

 

CHILD NAZZY

I should ask my mommy.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Do you have to go back to tomorrow already? Can’t you stay a while? Isn’t there another Nazzy with your mommy right now? She won’t worry where you are.

 

CHILD NAZZY

Okay, I’ll stay.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Come on! Skip with me.

 

SOUND: Children skipping on hard floor

 

CHILD YEMILINA

I have a special power, too. I kiss newborn babies to make them lucky their whole lives.

 

CHILD NAZZY

I heard about that.

 

SOUND: Skipping stops

 

CHILD NAZZY

Why weren’t you at the baker’s cottage? They had a new baby.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

They did? Nobody told me.

 

CHILD NAZZY

Maybe you’re not supposed to kiss peasant babies.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

My lucky kiss is for all babies. Will you make sure I don’t miss any more?

 

CHILD NAZZY

Sure, I can do that.

 

CHILD YEMILINA

Thanks, Nazzy.

 

SOUND: Children skipping on hard floor – fading out

SOUND: Tapestry movement

SOUND: Footsteps on hard floor

 

NAZZY

That gives me an idea about where to look for those research notes.

 

SOUND: Time Travel – departing



INT. TAILOR’S SHOP

 

SOUND: Time Travel – arriving

SOUND: Footsteps on creaky floor

 

NAZZY

Moving the queen’s dresses through the timeline made copies. When I got a little older, I realized I would have to get rid of the stained versions, so the queen would never find out what I’d done. My family was good friends with this tailor, so I donated all the stained dresses to his shop and asked him to cut them into tiny scraps for his projects. I handed it all over just a few minutes ago, before he closed. He's gone home now. He can’t have cut much yet. I could still check the pockets.

 

SOUND: Footsteps on creaky floor

 

NAZZY

I need some light. Ah, here’s a lantern.

 

SOUND: Lantern creaking

SOUND: Knob turning

SOUND: Flame rising in lantern

SOUND: Drawer opening

SOUND: Dress rustling 

SOUND: Paper unfolding

 

NAZZY

Yes. She does have notes in her pockets. Incantations for opening portals. A long list. She can’t have found the right one. Why didn’t she ever get Mijar involved, while he was still in her employ? I wonder if deep down she was a little afraid of him all along. She didn’t want to share her secrets, even with her presumably loyal servant. Come to think of it…how did Pisanna find out about the Pus Bugs? There was a bishop involved in the failed summoning, but he probably kept quiet. I suppose Yemilina might have told everyone. Or…was Pisanna’s caveman listening to our documentary back in 2022? Hm.

 

SOUND: Vivicord

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

 

NAZZY

Too much thinking aloud. You’re right. I’ll stop.

 

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

 

NAZZY

We can get back to recording dragon history eventually. I can’t just drop the chance to end the threat, can I? Dragons might really be history if I find the right information.

 

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

 

NAZZY

You think my future self wouldn’t have tried to undo dragons if I succeed in doing that now? Ah, but the future is always changing, vivicord. You’ll have to bear with me. Farewell, cave people of 2025. If I am not consumed by dragons, you shall soon hear more. Wish me luck.

 

SOUND: Closing theme music