SOUND: Opening theme music
EXT. BALLOON FOREST
SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes
SOUND: Balloon forest ambiance
SOUND: Mind ambiance
SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on rubber
YEMILINA
Hello? Caveman? We understand we’re walking through a physical manifestation of your thoughts, but is your actual body in here somewhere? Can you see us? Are you invisible? Caveman? Pisanna, you never told us his name.
PISANNA
Arnold.
YEMILINA
Arnold, can you hear us? Can you speak?
PISANNA
I did tend to call him ‘Caveman,’ as a nickname. He called me ‘Bam-Bam.’
WENOBURT
Come out, Caveman! Your friend Bam-Bam is here.
YEMILINA
Don’t you say it, Wenoburt. It might have a nasty story behind it.
PISANNA
Arnold thought of it from an entertainment series he used to watch. It was a perfectly innocent nickname.
YEMILINA
I can’t assume anything attached to a violent vandal is innocent. I’d sooner keep every name you’ve ever had out of the mouths of children.
PISANNA
(huffy noise)
Are you taking hormone balancing potions? You seem to be having a fit of hysterics.
YEMILINA
I was just as hysterical before I was pregnant!
TELOOPA
I’ll vouch for that. So this mindscape…
SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes
SOUND: Balloon forest ambiance
SOUND: Mind ambiance
TELOOPA
…kind of hard to navigate.
SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on rubber
ENELCIA
Just like on the outside. Everything keeps changing.
SOUND: Mind ambiance – checkout scanner beeps
YEMILINA
Is that some kind of machine from Arnold’s life? I wonder what it’s for.
PISANNA
No idea. He didn’t describe anything like that to me.
SOUND: Mind ambiance – dice rolling
YEMILINA
Dice. I know those.
SOUND: Mind ambiance – marshmallows roasting
YEMILINA
Gooey, white food heating up over a campfire…
PISANNA
Those must be marshmallows. He likes those.
SOUND: Mind ambiance – truck revving engine
YEMILINA
(startled noise)
And one of those car things – a big, red one with tall wheels.
SOUND: Mind ambiance – truck driving
SOUND: Mind ambiance – remote control truck
ENELCIA
There’s a smaller one. Looks just the same.
PISANNA
Oh, oh, his truck! He loves his truck. He has a real one he drives and a toy of the same thing.
WENOBURT
A toy for a grownup?
PISANNA
I’m not supposed to call it that. It’s a model.
SOUND: Mind ambiance – all sounds
WENOBURT
Arnold has a noisy brain.
SOUND: Dragon roars and flames
WENOBURT
Whoa!
ALL:
(startled noises)
SOUND: Dragon bite
SOUND: Man screaming
SOUND: Dragon chomping flesh and crunching bones
PISANNA
Oh, that’s a bad memory. We watched that dragon attack. It’s the first time Arnold saw a dragon eat someone.
TELOOPA
That must be traumatic if you’ve never seen it before.
PISANNA
Yes, it was. He begged me for magic to erase his memory of it, but I didn’t think I should seek that out. It would be erasing the next best thing to our native instinct to avoid dragons.
ENELCIA
You really think he’d walk right up to a dragon if he hadn’t watched an attack?
PISANNA
In his time, their dragon legends are all over the place. Dragons can be anything from monsters to cuddly pets.
WENOBURT
That’s so silly!
SOUND: Mind ambiance – lightsaber
PISANNA
That must be a lightsaber.
WENOBURT
Is that a weapon? Are we under attack?
PISANNA
I don’t think it’s a practical weapon. It’s symbolic…or, well, it’s cool. It might be a toy.
SOUND: Monkeys vocalizing
SOUND: Pattering footsteps
ENELCIA
Watch where you’re going, you fuzzy monkeys! We’re not beds. Don’t jump on us.
WENOBURT
They’re so hairy. Pffff! You’re tickling my nose, monkey. Stop hugging me!
TELOOPA
No hugs for me either. Off.
SOUND: Body shove
SOUND: Monkey shriek
YEMILINA
Oh, they must be mind-monkeys, coming to hug away the trauma of the dragon memory. There, there, you goofy furball. Yes, I’ll hug you, mmmm.
SOUND: Monkeys vocalizing
SOUND: Pattering footsteps
YEMILINA
Oh, one at a time! You’re squishing my baby.
TELOOPA
Shoo!
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Banishing spell
SOUND: Monkeys vocalizing fades out quickly
SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes – one tune getting louder than the others
PISANNA
There’s another tune he sang. Listen!
SOUND: Overlapping flute tunes – other tunes fading out – loud ‘itsy bitsy’
PISANNA
I remember. It goes…
(singing:)
The itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout,
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
WENOBURT
Poor spider! Don’t cave kids like happy songs?
YEMILINA
Between the injured monkeys and the drowning spider, it does seem like they’re not so fond of animals.
TELOOPA
I don’t know. We have a lot of songs about humans getting eaten by dragons. We don’t hate humans.
YEMILINA
Good point. I suppose beds that tempt you to jump on them could be a common problem in their culture.
SOUND: Skittering spider
WENOBURT
There’s a spider, look! It’s tiny.
ENELCIA
I see it. Can I squish it? It would look really good on my foot.
TELOOPA
Let’s follow the spider. If it’s on its way to a waterspout, that might be an exit.
ENELCIA
Yeah, I bet Arnold needs that. He could be hiding behind the children’s song to protect his sanity.
SOUND: Skittering spider
SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on rubber
PISANNA
(humming ‘itsy bitsy spider’)
It’s a catchy tune, isn’t it?
(singing:)
The incy wincy spider—
YEMILINA
Wait a minute – ‘incy wincy’? I thought you said the song was about an ‘itsy bitsy’ spider?
PISANNA
No, ‘incy wincy’ sounds right.
YEMILINA
Oh, really, then why did you call it an ‘itsy bitsy’ spider before? You thought that sounded right, or you wouldn’t have said it.
PISANNA
Itsy bitsy. I think I said that both times.
YEMILINA
You did not! We’re counting on you to know these lyrics and you’ve already failed. If we’re following the wrong spider—
ENELCIA
B-but don’t both things mean…‘small’? Does it really matter whether this spider we’re following is ‘incy’ or ‘bitsy’?
YEMILINA
Of course it matters! Incy wincy would obviously be a smaller spider than one that is itsy bisty. Pisanna is spewing random size guesses, because she has no real memory of this song. It could be about a muddy, tubby warthog for all we know.
PISANNA
It’s stupid to pick a fight with me. I invited you. I don’t have a problem with you, if you’ll just be civil.
YEMILINA
You know what’s really stupid? If you’d let Nazzy come instead of me, she would have been nicer to you.
PISANNA
She just knows she screwed up.
YEMILINA
If she really wanted to hurt you, you wouldn’t be here to complain about anything.
PISANNA
So you believe only an evil time traveler should be held accountable for her actions? Your capacity to overlook her mistakes is unhealthy – like you’re under a spell. You lost thirty-one years of your life to that freak, and you still treat her like a sister.
YEMILINA
I gained a new life and by the sounds of it, you did, too! You don’t really wish she’d never brought Arnold to Wilzerlott, because you fell in love with him.
PISANNA
It wasn’t my fault. He fell in love with me first!
SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on eggshells
YEMILINA
I have a hard time believing that wasn’t your fault. Only a love potion could make anyone fall for you!
PISANNA
(offended noise)
TELOOPA
Hey, hey, you’re walking on eggshells.
YEMILINA
I am not. I’m being blunt and harsh.
TELOOPA
Literal eggshells! Looks like dragon eggs. Just hatched. Mind-dragons could be coming to protect their young.
WENOBURT
There’s a waterspout! Look! It’s way bigger than the spider. The caveman could be hiding inside that.
ENELCIA
Does it lead to another song?
TELOOPA
What if we climb up and rain washes us out?
WENOBURT
We’ll have to climb up the spout again. Laaaa!
TELOOPA
That seems counter-productive. The rain and spout are probably linked in a vicious cycle. Remember: not even one of the little monkeys chose to stop jumping after they saw a monkey’s head get bumped.
SOUND: Mind-dragons roaring
ENELCIA
Uh, if those mind-dragons do catch us…they’re not real, right? They can’t really hurt us? Right?
TELOOPA
The mind-monkeys felt real.
ENELCIA
And this is where you give me a brilliant reason why mind-dragons will be different, right? Please? Please…
TELOOPA
Sorry.
ENELCIA
(nervous noise)
WENOBURT
Don’t be scared! I can fight mind-dragons with my dagger.
SOUND: Dagger unsheathed from boot
WENOBURT
Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
SOUND: Dagger whooshes
SOUND: Dagger flat hit
WENOBURT
Ow, I hit myself with it.
ENELCIA
You used to have a sword.
WENOBURT
I can’t hide that in my boot. I’m a sneaky slayer now.
PISANNA
Speaking of sneaks, princess – you’re a cradle robber!
YEMILINA
That was a terrible segway.
PISANNA
Well, getting back to love potions…what did you do to Sir JP?
YEMILINA
Natural charm, I’m afraid. You have no dirt to throw at me.
PISANNA
Except that your first kiss was your adult lips on his newborn forehead.
YEMILINA
You are the most time-travel phobic person I have ever met. You have a problem.
PISANNA
Normalizing is the problem! Anything goes, doesn’t it? Whatever pops into Nazzy’s head in the moment – and it’s never a service to society.
YEMILINA
Never? She took the Box of Doom far away from Wilzerlott and disarmed—
PISANNA
She watched the queen summon Sap Bugs from another dimension and she didn’t even try to stop it.
YEMILINA
(gasp)
How do you know about that? Have you been torturing Nazzy for information?
PISANNA
Torture? Seriously?
YEMILINA
You did throw a transformation potion on her.
PISANNA
That’s self defense.
YEMILINA
From what?
PISANNA
Her ticking time bomb genes. We’re all safer if she’s never in her own body again.
YEMILINA
Is that your ultimate goal? You want to frog her?
PISANNA
She can be any creature she wants.
TELOOPA
Mermaids are fun.
YEMILINA
Don’t you dare help her!
TELOOPA
Not helping. Just talking. I’m feeling left out.
YEMILINA
I think you’re looking for a scapegoat, Pisanna. Arnold broke up with you and you know it’s your fault. You’d rather blame anyone else.
PISANNA
He didn’t break up with me!
YEMILINA
Then why was he out in the forest all by himself? Why did you think he’d been eaten when he hadn’t? He must have been out of contact with you.
PISANNA
Shut up!
YEMILINA
Oooo, is that a sensitive topic? You know what it’s time to do when a man gets you this worked up, don’t you? It’s time to work on yourself.
PISANNA
You need to work on your snobbery. You want us to think you’re enlightened royalty, but it’s all an act. You believe you’re better than us.
YEMILINA
You’re confusing me with my mother.
PISANNA
You’re just as bad. You only befriended Nazzy for her power. If she were an ordinary person, you would have ignored her.
YEMILINA
That’s not true!
PISANNA
Let’s test that. Let’s see how long you keep visiting her once she’s a frog.
YEMILINA
No! No froging! Sh-she’s not the only friend I ever made outside nobility.
PISANNA
She’s the only one you still have.
YEMILINA
The love of my life comes from a long line of peasants.
PISANNA
Yes, and he became a famous dragon slayer. My point exactly.
YEMILINA
So what do you even mean by ‘ordinary peasant’ then – a person with no talent or skill of any kind? Are you implying all ordinary peasants I should have befriended are boring? That’s on you! Look what you just called yourself! Oh, that’s right, you paint glass. You’re special, too. Watch out before I get shallow and start faking love for you!
PISANNA
(angry noise)
You have some nerve.
SOUND: Mind-dragon wings
YEMILINA
You mean I’m right.
PISANNA
Nazzy had the nerve to pretend she’d find the queen’s original research, so those Pus Bugs the queen wanted to summon can finally save us from dragons. You’re both aggravating.
YEMILINA
What? You already asked Nazzy to find—?
WENOBURT
(gasp)
The mind-dragons! They’re flying this way!
SOUND: Mind-dragons roaring
ENELCIA
Up the waterspout! Let’s go!
YEMILINA
So Nazzy knows what you want.
PISANNA
It doesn’t matter. She won’t help.
YEMILINA
If she said she will, then she will. It’s you we can’t trust!
ENELCIA
Guys, guys, trauma dragons!
SOUND: Mind-dragons roaring
PISANNA
You braggart!
YEMILINA
You maggot!
ENELCIA
You don’t have time to kill each other! Stop it!
PISANNA
Nazzy won’t look for that research!
YEMILINA
She’s doing it right now, because she cares about bigger things than you ever will!
ENELCIA and WENOBURT
(improv: ‘Stop it! Pay attention!’)
TELOOPA
Don’t bother. They can go first.
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Telekinesis spell
SOUND: Two body slams on metal
SOUND: Two bodies falling with water
PISANNA and YEMILINA
(startled scream)
WENOBURT
(singing:)
Bam-bam and the princess went down the waterspout.
(speaking:)
Follow me, vivicord!
SOUND: Climbing on metal
SOUND: One body slam on metal
SOUND: One body falling with water
WENOBURT
Wheeeeeee!
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Telekinesis spell
SOUND: Vivicord yelp
ENELCIA
This will be a slight interruption, fair listeners. The vivicord will have to dry out before it can keep recording.
SOUND: One body slam on metal
SOUND: One body falling with water
SOUND: Vivicord cut out
INT. CASTLE
SOUND: Vivicord
SOUND: Distant footsteps on hard floor
SOUND: Distant doors opening and closing
SOUND: Rustling linen
NAZZY
Hello, fair listeners. I’m inside the castle, about forty-four years ago. This is after the queen accidentally unleashed Sap Bugs on Wilzerlott, but I have a hunch her research for summoning the correct bugs might have improved in the years following that mistake. She was desperate to cover it up. Getting credit for wiping out dragons would have fixed it, in her mind. Anyway, I’m doing some random checks. I felt drawn to this moment in time. Maybe there will be good notes here.
SOUND: Child skipping on hard floor
CHILD YEMILINA
(improv: singing to herself)
NAZZY
Looks like little Yemmy is exploring. She’s not on her usual floor of the castle. This is where the servants are bustling around, rearranging guest rooms and airing out linen. Little Yemmy is skipping by a room they used to store all the queen’s extra ballgowns. The door’s ajar and she’s having a peek inside.
SOUND: Creaking door
CHILD YEMILINA
(improv: singing to herself)
NAZZY
Ohhh…I’ve come right when…that explains it. I was drawn here because it’s the first time I ever talked to the princess. I was afraid she would get me in trouble. Then she was just…not like the princess I thought she’d be. Not like the queen.
CHILD YEMILINA
(gasp)
SOUND: Time Travel – arriving
SOUND: Dress rustling
CHILD NAZZY
Princess! I didn’t mean to be here. I can explain.
NAZZY
(whispering)
Oh, wow, we were really little. I really don’t want to mess with this. I better hide.
SOUND: Retreating footsteps on hard floor
SOUND: Tapestry movement
CHILD YEMILINA
Did you just teleport? You weren’t there a second ago.
CHILD NAZZY
Yes, I was. I was hiding.
CHILD YEMILINA
No, you weren’t. What are you doing with that? That’s my mommy’s dress.
SOUND: Dress rustling
CHILD NAZZY
I’m not stealing! Please don’t be mad.
CHILD YEMILINA
It’s too big for you. Why do you want it?
CHILD NAZZY
I just need to move it. Your mommy won’t notice. I promise.
CHILD YEMILINA
Who are you?
CHILD NAZZY
My name is Nazzy.
CHILD YEMILINA
Is your daddy the royal sorcerer?
CHILD NAZZY
My dad works in the laundry room.
CHILD YEMILINA
What about your mommy?
CHILD NAZZY
She works with him.
CHILD YEMILINA
I didn’t know our servants had magic kids.
CHILD NAZZY
I’m not magic.
CHILD YEMILINA
Why are you pretending you’re not magic?
CHILD NAZZY
Well, I might have a gene.
CHILD YEMILINA
What’s that?
CHILD NAZZY
There’s a rare gene in my family – time travel.
CHILD YEMILINA
(gasp)
You’re from another time!
CHILD NAZZY
I guess so. It’s my first jump.
CHILD YEMILINA
What time are you from? Am I old like a hag? Am I a baby?
CHILD NAZZY
You look the same.
SOUND: Dress rustling
CHILD NAZZY
Your mommy spills wine on this soon. Tomorrow, I think.
CHILD YEMILINA
You’re from tomorrow?
CHILD NAZZY
Please don’t tell the queen I time-jump. I didn’t mean to. I was just wishing the dress would be clean. My mommy couldn’t get the stain out. She needs this one.
CHILD YEMILINA
You look upset. Does time travel hurt? My mommy has lots of gold. She can buy a new dress.
CHILD NAZZY
She doesn’t want to. She was so mad. She thinks we have magic soap. I’m scared the queen will put my mommy in the dungeon.
CHILD YEMILINA
I’m sorry my mommy was mean to your mommy. Can I help?
CHILD NAZZY
Really?
CHILD YEMILINA
I can’t help you time travel, but I could help you find the dresses. When they’re brand new and they look the cleanest, Mommy doesn’t let servants touch them. If you need to move those ones, I could show you where she keeps them.
CHILD NAZZY
You’d do that for me? I shouldn’t even be talking to you.
CHILD YEMILINA
Why not? Is your mommy scared of me, too? If I live in the laundry room, can I be your friend?
CHILD NAZZY
You can be my friend no matter where you live.
CHILD YEMILINA
Yay! Can I show you my Pegasus and all my toys and my kitty?
CHILD NAZZY
I should ask my mommy.
CHILD YEMILINA
Do you have to go back to tomorrow already? Can’t you stay a while? Isn’t there another Nazzy with your mommy right now? She won’t worry where you are.
CHILD NAZZY
Okay, I’ll stay.
CHILD YEMILINA
Come on! Skip with me.
SOUND: Children skipping on hard floor
CHILD YEMILINA
I have a special power, too. I kiss newborn babies to make them lucky their whole lives.
CHILD NAZZY
I heard about that.
SOUND: Skipping stops
CHILD NAZZY
Why weren’t you at the baker’s cottage? They had a new baby.
CHILD YEMILINA
They did? Nobody told me.
CHILD NAZZY
Maybe you’re not supposed to kiss peasant babies.
CHILD YEMILINA
My lucky kiss is for all babies. Will you make sure I don’t miss any more?
CHILD NAZZY
Sure, I can do that.
CHILD YEMILINA
Thanks, Nazzy.
SOUND: Children skipping on hard floor – fading out
SOUND: Tapestry movement
SOUND: Footsteps on hard floor
NAZZY
That gives me an idea about where to look for those research notes.
SOUND: Time Travel – departing
INT. TAILOR’S SHOP
SOUND: Time Travel – arriving
SOUND: Footsteps on creaky floor
NAZZY
Moving the queen’s dresses through the timeline made copies. When I got a little older, I realized I would have to get rid of the stained versions, so the queen would never find out what I’d done. My family was good friends with this tailor, so I donated all the stained dresses to his shop and asked him to cut them into tiny scraps for his projects. I handed it all over just a few minutes ago, before he closed. He's gone home now. He can’t have cut much yet. I could still check the pockets.
SOUND: Footsteps on creaky floor
NAZZY
I need some light. Ah, here’s a lantern.
SOUND: Lantern creaking
SOUND: Knob turning
SOUND: Flame rising in lantern
SOUND: Drawer opening
SOUND: Dress rustling
SOUND: Paper unfolding
NAZZY
Yes. She does have notes in her pockets. Incantations for opening portals. A long list. She can’t have found the right one. Why didn’t she ever get Mijar involved, while he was still in her employ? I wonder if deep down she was a little afraid of him all along. She didn’t want to share her secrets, even with her presumably loyal servant. Come to think of it…how did Pisanna find out about the Pus Bugs? There was a bishop involved in the failed summoning, but he probably kept quiet. I suppose Yemilina might have told everyone. Or…was Pisanna’s caveman listening to our documentary back in 2022? Hm.
SOUND: Vivicord
SOUND: Vivicord chatter
NAZZY
Too much thinking aloud. You’re right. I’ll stop.
SOUND: Vivicord chatter
NAZZY
We can get back to recording dragon history eventually. I can’t just drop the chance to end the threat, can I? Dragons might really be history if I find the right information.
SOUND: Vivicord chatter
NAZZY
You think my future self wouldn’t have tried to undo dragons if I succeed in doing that now? Ah, but the future is always changing, vivicord. You’ll have to bear with me. Farewell, cave people of 2025. If I am not consumed by dragons, you shall soon hear more. Wish me luck.
SOUND: Closing theme music