S1 E9: Mermaids and Dermavig

Searching the forest for their tiny enemies, the heroes of Wilzerlott are confronted with their sap-addled Queen and a risky experiment to undo her mistake.

Written and produced by Jennifer Lott

Voice Actors:
Shannon Rea as Nazzy
JP Lott as Sir JP
Jennifer Lott as Yemilina
Tegan Lott as Teloopa
Owen Lott as Wenoburt
Lynda Williams as Queen Augusta
Nicole Stoner as Enelcia
Kenzie Stoner as Rose

Transcript

EXT ELVIN GROVE

SOUND: forest ambience

SOUND: group footsteps

SOUND: horse trotting

YEMILINA

(singing)

Dragons are sleeping; their bellies are full,

Yes, people got eaten, but no one we know.

In a faraway corner of my sappy brain

I think of children with no time to grow

In the front of my mind I can't fathom our doom

Nazzy caught the sap bug whose bite made me dense

SOUND: cage swinging 

SOUND: bug buzzing

YEMILINA

(singing)

It swings from her hand in a little cage,

We're out in the elves' grove; it sort of makes sense,

Here deep in the woods, the EEK might reside

We know that they're EEK and they want Wilzerlott

We don't know much else,

It's all that we've got.

SOUND: X-ray tiara

YEMILINA

(singing)

Except X-ray tiaras from three instalments ago

They stayed on our heads when the castle blew up

We're x-raying to find secret lairs of the EEK

We have no plan, but step one is a half full cup

We're Nazzy, Sir JP and his trusty horse

SOUND: horse whinny

YEMILINA

I'm princess Yemilina and...

(throat clearing)

(speaking:)

...the sap just wore off.

NAZZY

That's about how long I predicted you would be unable to stop singing. Hopefully we can get a reliable magic user to get more information out of this bug here.

SOUND: swinging cage

SOUND: bug buzzing

 YEMILINA

Let me carry it.

SOUND: passing a cage between hands

SOUND: bug buzzing

YEMILINA

I remember how much I hate you now, you nasty bug. You won't hold me in your honeyed clutches. We're going to find your evil masters and destroy them.

NAZZY

Then maybe we can finally get back to our dragon problems.

YEMILINA

The EEK make me angrier. Dragons are an everyday nuisance.

SIR JP

Says the princess with endless body guards.

NAZZY

Whoa...look.

SOUND: ripples on a lake

SOUND: giggles

SOUND: splashing mermaid tails

NAZZY

Since when did this lake have mermaids in it? That's unusual.

YEMILINA

Yes, it is.

SOUND: splashing mermaid tails

NAZZY

They must be visiting the elves who live here. Elves are very hospitable.

SIR JP

Wouldn't this just go a lot faster if you jump ahead and ask our future selves exactly where to find the EEK headquarters?

NAZZY

I'm taking a mental health break. Saving my strength. I'll only be going on one time trip today.

SIR JP

It's selfish to focus on your health when the whole kingdom is at stake.

YEMILINA

Haven't you anything to be selfish about? What are you looking forward to in life?

SIR JP

Why does it matter?

YEMILINA

Because it's motivating. One has to have something personal to keep going.

SIR JP

I want fewer disasters. A simpler life.

YEMILINA

What about children?

SIR JP

As a dragon slayer, I help preserve the current population and have no obligation to make babies for the future. Not that there's any future anymore.

YEMILINA

Yes, but that doesn't mean you can't have children if you want to. Have you ever thought about it?

SIR JP

I sometimes think...it might be nice...someday...

YEMILINA

Awww...

SOUND: tree rustling

SOUND: footsteps

TELOOPA

Ha, I found you! You can't stick me with a kid forever. I have finding people powers. Okay, Wenoburt, we're done with cabin fever. Run! Climb! Get muddy! Look at all the other grownups. Go get 'em!

SOUND: running child 

WENOBURT

Hi, silly princess! Hi, grumpy knight! The witch lady has jars and bags of so much cool stuff in her house and it all smells funny. Some of it might turn me into a snail. She forgot which things would do that, so I couldn't touch anything, just in case. I don't want to be a snail. They're so slow and slimy.

SIR JP

As I was saying, it might be nice to someday watch other people's children way off in the distance where they're a lot quieter and someone else has to put up with them.

YEMILINA

(sigh)

I sometimes wish just a fraction of the sap venom could penetrate your steely veins. I'd love to hear you say just one sappy thing.

TELOOPA

Am I like this kid's permanent aunt now? When is he getting sent back to his real family in the past?

NAZZY

He's good for our documentary. Cute little kid appeal.

SIR JP

You'd better not be saving your one trip for those cave people in the future.

SOUND: sword drawn

SIR JP

I insist you take Wenoburt home.

WENOBURT

I don't want to go home.

YEMILINA

And don't posture with your sword like that. When we bully Nazzy to time travel for us, we use words.

SIR JP

It's for emphasis.

SOUND: sword swish

WENOBURT

Can I hold your sword?

SIR JP

No.

WENOBURT

I want to practice slaying dragons.

SIR JP

You are destined to be a bug expert.

WENOBURT

I want to be a dragon slayer now, so I can slay the dragon that eats me when I'm twenty-three.

SIR JP

That is a practical ambition, but you'll have to discuss it with your parents.

WENOBURT

I don't want to. I want to learn from you. Can you be my pretend daddy?

SIR JP

No! Arrggh, you chatterbox!

SOUND: sword sheathed

SIR JP

You have distracted me from staring down the time meddler and now she doesn't even look nervous. Don't children ever stop talking?

SOUND: tree rustling

SOUND: light footsteps

ENELCIA

Lighten up. They're not so much trouble.

YEMILINA

Hello, Enelcia. It's good to see you alive. The dragon attacks have been awful this week, haven't they?

ENELCIA

Devastating. So much for the tree sauce, Teloopa. It seems to make the dragons even hungrier for meat.

TELOOPA

I'll come up with something better.

YEMILINA

I'm afraid we've made no progress preventing the extinction of our entire kingdom in the near future. Still, there's something to be said for escaping present day roasting, isn't there?

ENELCIA

One day at a time, right?

SOUND: mermaid tails splashing

SOUND: giggles

YEMILINA

What lovely mermaids. How long have they been in this lake? I thought they preferred salt water.

ENELCIA

These three are acclimatizing to the fresh water for an exchange program. Three elves have gone down to their ocean home in air bubbles.

YEMILINA

Three mermaids? I see at least a dozen.

ENELCIA

Only three real mermaids. We've enchanted the lake to reflect multiple mirror images of them to confuse dragons. The lake's not very deep, you see. The dragons really rake their claws in when they see the mermaid dive down.

WENOBURT

Can I touch a mirror mermaid? What's it like? Is it like touching a ghost?

NAZZY

We're not here for mermaids, Wenoburt. We're here to―no, don't jump in!

 SOUND: child jumping in the lake

SOUND: mermaid gasps

SOUND: mermaid tail splashes

YEMILINA 

Oh, no. Ah, not to worry! He's a very young boy. He's only curious.

SOUND: child treading water

SOUND: mermaid tail splashes

SOUND: horse trots and stops

SOUND: horse snort

YEMILINA

What is it, Sir JP?

SIR JP

My saddle bag must have spilled. My horse has found a carrot on the ground.

SOUND: horse sniffing

ENELCIA

My baby!

SIR JP

What?

ENELCIA

That carrot is my baby!

TELOOPA

Well, let's end that early. Where's my staff?

SOUND:horse picking up carrot in mouth

ENELCIA

Hurry!

SOUND: magic staff

SOUND: crying baby

SOUND: startled horse whinny

ENELCIA

Oh, thank God!

TELOOPA

Thank me. I just saved your baby's life. Why did you pick a carrot as her unattended form?

ENELCIA

Dragons hate carrots.

TELOOPA

But why not a vivicord or a porcupine? Dragons don't eat those either.

ENELCIA

Werewolves do.

TELOOPA

So you'd rather let your daughter get eaten by a rabbit?

ENELCIA

Or a horse! Curse the herbivores! I should have made her into a rock.

TELOOPA

It's difficult to transform anything organic into an inorganic object. I believe only the royal sorcerer's transformation potions can even accomplish it.

SOUND: crying baby

ENELCIA

What does your horse hate to eat, Sir JP?Turnips? Broccoli?

SIR JP

Beets.

ENELCIA

Teloopa, can you change my baby into a beet?

TELOOPA

There's no need. There won't be any more dragon attacks today. They filled up on squires and imps.

SOUND: crying baby

YEMILINA

You're safe, sweet baby, yes, you are. No dragons or horses will eat cute little you, no.

ENELCIA

She stinks. I don't want to change her diaper.

TELOOPA

Well, that makes sense. Here, I have a couple spare potions. She can drink this one.

SOUND:clinking bottles

SOUND:baby gulping potion

SOUND: transformation

SOUND: frog croaking

ENELCIA

A frog...I don't know...

TELOOPA

Frogs are hard to catch.

ENELCIA

For me, too. How will I catch her?

TELOOPA

Tether charm.

SOUND: staff magic spell - tether

SOUND: frog hopping

SOUND: frog pulled back

ENELCIA

Ooo, a nice long invisible leash on my wrist. I love it!

SOUND: dripping child coming out of the lake

WENOBURT 

I need a towel.

TELOOPA

I'll try conjuring one.

SOUND: staff magic spell – conjuring

SOUND: wet towel flopping onto arms

WENOBURT 

This is a terrible towel. It's already wet.

TELOOPA

Well, it is 90% cloud. I conjure most things with cloud filler. It expends less energy.

NAZZY

Is that really conjuring? You're the most experimental magic user I've ever met.

TELOOPA

Brilliance cannot be chained to rule books.

SOUND: Pegasus flying overhead

YEMILINA

Oh, look, it's mother's royal Pegasus. She must be searching for us.

SOUND: Pegasus flying closer

TELOOPA

No. Oh, no, no. Not the Queen. I'm not ready. I haven't perfected my disguise.

ENELCIA

What disguise?

TELOOPA

A disguise that'll hide me forever, or at least until she forgets she liked living in a castle.

ENELCIA

Just tell her what you were trying to do when you blew up her castle. Spells go wrong all the time. She'll understand.

TELOOPA

(incredulous)

Have you met the Queen?

ENELCIA

Sure. She yelled out the window at me to water her garden. Seems nice for a monarch.

SOUND: Pegasus flying closer

YEMILINA

Why don't you ever ride a Pegasus, Sir JP? They're faster than horses.

SIR JP

My horse is loyal and unflappable.

YEMILINA

Exactly, it would be more fun if it flapped.

SIR JP

I meant steady and hard to upset.

SOUND: Pegasus lands

SIR JP

(muttering)

A Pegasus is an emotional, feather-brained ninny.

SOUND: Pegasus snorts in anger

YEMILINA

There, there, you beautiful ninny. Have a carrot that's not an elf.

SOUND: Pegasus crunches a carrot

QUEEN AUGUSTA

What are you doing here? I flew over every other corner of the kingdom, searching for you. I didn't expect to find my daughter and my best dragon slayer here by a mermaid lake.

SIR JP

The mermaids have nothing to do with it, Your Majesty. We are searching for the EEK Headquarters.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

EEK? What is that?

NAZZY

That's right, you weren't around. I gathered future information on a new enemy, Your Majesty. The tiny and resilient EEK are almost certainly the cause of our utter annihilation a few months from now. 

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Stop! No. It was sap. Sap in our veins. Sap making us feed ourselves to dragons. I refuse to hear of any other problems. You will solve that one first!

SIR JP

They are connected problems, Your Majesty. The sap bugs are the loyal minions of the EEK.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I said no! You will not speak to me of EEK.

YEMILINA

Whether we speak of them or not, mother, they will destroy us!

WENOBURT
 Hey, Queen, you forgot to give me a transformation potion. I want to turn the elf frog into a warm, fluffy towel.

QUEEN

Elves? Frogs? What on Earth?

WENOBURT 

Can the royal sorcerer make a potion that can turn elves into towels? Is he making that for me?

QUEEN

Potion? Oh...Wenoburt, the child from...yes. I'll get you that potion once my royal sorcerer calms down.

ENELCIA

Still on strike, is he?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

None of your business, gardener. But if you must know, it's difficult for him to come crawling back to me just now, because my castle is in ruins.

ENELCIA

Oh, I already knew that, Your Majesty.

YEMILINA

Everyone knows except you, Mother! Where have you been all this time?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Tending to urgent bus--

 

YEMILINA

Oh, save it! You were doing something monstrously inadvisable, like opening portals and sucking unworldly creatures into Wilzerlott.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Nazzy...were you spying on me?

NAZZY

Um...

YEMILINA

It's my repressed childhood memory. I was four years old, so it's only just come back to me, hasn't it, Nazzy?

NAZZY

(nervous)

She was four.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

You were spying on me, weren't you, Nazzy!

NAZZY

I...I...Teloopa blew up your castle!

QUEEN AUGUSTA

(gasp)

TELOOPA

I'm not Teloopa. I'm a mermaid!

SOUND: gulping potion

SOUND: transformation

SOUND: mermaid splashing into the lake

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Just because you look the same as those other mermaids doesn't mean I won't find you. When I get my sorcerer back, I'll--

WENOBURT

(whining)

I wanna be a mermaid.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Not now, Wenoburt. I'm threatening a powerful sorceress. It must be done delicately, so you must be silent.

WENOBURT

If I blow up a castle, can I be a mermaid, too?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

You can rot in my dungeon.

YEMILINA

You don't have a dungeon, mother, and it's my fault. I made Teloopa blow up the castle. At least I admit it! Is there anything you'd like to take responsibility for?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Like what?

YEMILINA

Oh, I don't know, maybe this!

SOUND: cage opening

SOUND: sap bug buzzing

QUEEN AUGUSTA

What are you—no! Get that bug away from me! Off my face! No!

SOUND: Sap bug bite

QUEEN AUGUSTA

 (giggly)

Oh, oh no...that won't do. Send them back. Dismiss these pus injectors. They're not giving dragons more than a sneeze or two, if that!

YEMILINA

They're not the pus bugs you wanted. You haven't forgotten you summoned sap bugs by mistake?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Ooo, I think I'm in denial. It's quite interesting. I haven't a qualm telling you, because I feel so silly all of a sudden. I suppose I counted on the sap bugs to wither and vanish behind my throne before they could embarrass me.

SIR JP

I'm surprised the sap venom has managed to enter your invincible blood vessels.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

(giggly)

I am immune to injury, Sir JP, not insanity.

 YEMILINA

What else do you know about the sap bugs, mother? You might as well tell us.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

They're prone to accidents. Accidentally created in their dimension – not my fault. Accidentally brought here – my fault. Their very body chemistry is a mad wizard's mistake.

ENELCIA

A potion accident? Those can be countered. Maybe we can re-design the sap bugs with Dermavig.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

With what?

ENELCIA

Our most life-saving skin care. It makes elves vigilant. It might fill the sap stingers with new venom that keeps people tense and suspicious, which would make the bites a good thing.

SIR JP

That's ridiculous.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

It's the best idea I've heard.

SIR JP

That's because we've only just started talking about this, Your Majesty. Surely, since you've known of these bugs so much longer than us, you have more logical ideas of how we should proceed.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Oh, not at all, Sir JP. All these long years, I've made every effort to cover up my mistake and made no effort whatsoever to address the threats it introduced to my Kingdom. 

SIR JP

I appreciate your honesty.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

No more dawdling! Where is this Sap Bug Hive? We shall try the elf's idea at once.

SIR JP

(sigh)

It's close to Teloopa's cottage.

NAZZY

Should we tell her? She might have ingredients.

YEMILINA

Teloopa, we'll be going near your cottage. Your supplies may be needed at a moment's notice. Care to put your legs back on and join us?

SOUND: mermaid tail splashing

YEMILINA

Honestly, mother's not that terrifying. She's even a bit vulnerable just now – sap venom made her truthful. Oh...fine, be a mermaid. We've got Enelcia.

ENELCIA

I have just what we need right here.

SOUND: thick liquid sloshing in bottle

ENELCIA

We shouldn't need to raid Teloopa's store cupboards.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

To the hive! Pile onto my royal Pegasus, everyone. It can support tremendous weight even in flight.

SIR JP

I'll follow on the ground, Your Majesty.

SOUND: knight mounting horse

SOUND: multiple people mounting Pegasus

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Away!

SOUND: pegasus rising into the air

SOUND: horse galloping

SOUND: pegasus flying

SOUND: horse galloping getting quieter

SOUND: pegasus flying

SOUND: pegasus landing

 SOUND: horse galloping getting steadily louder

EXT SAP BUG HIVE

SOUND: multiple feet hitting grass

 ENELCIA

This is Dermavig.

SOUND: cork pulling out of bottle

SOUND: thick liquid sloshing in bottle

WENOBURT

How did you make it?

ENELCIA

With dandelions, some sand, poppy seeds, goose-grass, and some mermaid scales – our exchange program has been so useful for that. And of course there's the main ingredient – hex-freeze lava.

NAZZY

What's that?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Volcanic lava fluxing in a constant hex of freezing – always liquid yet magically cool to the touch. The giants have been playing with lava. They keep me informed.

 ENELCIA

Yeah, their sorceress makes hex-freeze lava. She's a good friend to the elves. Keeps us well supplied.

SIR JP

The giants are novices at magic. If the main ingredient is their invention--

ENELCIA

Dermavig is perfectly safe. I've used it dozens of times. So has every elf I know.

SIR JP

How exactly does it work?

ENELCIA

When it gets direct contact with our skin, it keeps us vigilant. Under its influence, we don't trust a shadow overhead to be a bird or a Pegasus, but suspect it to be a dragon. For a while.

SIR JP

What does that mean?

ENELCIA

Well, it seems to work best on the first use. Elvin skin builds up a tolerance, the more we use it. I only get a little vigilant now.

SIR JP

This substance has only been tested on elves?

ENELCIA

That's right.

SIR JP

We have no way of knowing how it will affect sap bugs from other dimensions. Or humans for that matter?

YEMILINA

Of course we have a way of knowing -- by doing it!

SIR JP

I am becoming all too aware of your process.

SOUND: thick liquid sloshing in bottle

ENELCIA

I think this will soak right through the exoskeletons of those pesky bugs and transform all their sap stingers into vigilance boosters, don't you?

SIR JP

That would be convenient.

YEMILINA

And what is magic if not convenient!

ENELCIA

I even have a giant's funnel. They left us some tools with their last lava delivery. We can stick this huge funnel in the top of the hive and pour the Dermavig straight in.

NAZZY

Here, I'll get that funnel up there. You're too short.

YEMILINA

Get up on my shoulders, Enelcia. You can do the pouring. Have you got that funnel in the right spot, Nazzy?

NAZZY

It's ready.

YEMILINA

Pour!

SOUND: thick liquid pouring into funnel

ENELCIA

Done.

SOUND: muffled sap bugs buzzing

YEMILINA

Do they sound...angrier?

NAZZY

I don't think they absorbed the Dermavig. Maybe they have the wrong type of skin?

SOUND: louder swarm of sap bugs buzzing

SOUND: sap bugs flying

SOUND: sap bugs spitting

WENOBURT

They're spitting it back at us!

SOUND: thick liquid drops falling rapidly

YEMILINA, SIR JP, QUEEN AUGUSTA, NAZZY, ENELCIA and WENOBURT

(overlapping sounds of disgust)

ENELCIA

Uggh! Gross. This was way more than I ever use. I'm still just a little tense, though. Are you okay, sweetie?

WENOBURT

Yuck! Can I go swimming again?

ENELCIA

Do you feel more alert and cautious?

WENOBURT

I wanna go swimming.

ENELCIA

You're just the same. Princess, how about you? Nazzy? Your Majesty? Any changes?

NAZZY

I don't feel any different.

YEMILINA

Me neither. 

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I feel just the same.

SIR JP

Liar!

SOUND: sword unsheathed

QUEEN AUGUSTA

(shocked)

What did you say to me?

SIR JP

You are a fraud and no Queen of mine!

SOUND: sword whooshing

YEMILINA

Ah, I think Sir JP may be experiencing an affect.

ENELCIA

But his armour got most of it.

NAZZY

There's some on his eyebrows.

ENELCIA

His eyebrows? I'm drenched and I'm barely feeling uneasy about the Queen using dark magic.

SOUND: sword whooshing

SOUND: armour clanking

YEMILINA

(yelp)

I think he's extra sensitive to vigilance.

SOUND: sword whooshing

SOUND: armour clanking

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Your mind has been poisoned, Sir JP. Don't speak.

SIR JP

I will speak to you however I like!

QUEEN AUGUSTA

How dare you!

SIR JP

You have much to answer for!

YEMILINA

Of course, we all have questions for mother. Stern, important questions.

SIR JP

Dragons, too, have their roots in dark magic. It is a force I have conquered before. What are you but another monster to conquer?

YEMILINA

Now, now, that's bordering on hostile, treasonous questions.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I am no monster. I am your Queen.

SIR JP

You hid the truth for decades! We can't trust you!

YEMILINA

That's much better. Good point.

 QUEEN AUGUSTA

Don't confuse him.

 SOUND: slashing sword

SOUND: sword bouncing back

QUEEN AUGUSTA

You never question me, Sir JP. You slay dragons. Dragons only.

SOUND: slashing sword

 SOUND: sword bouncing back

QUEEN AUGUSTA

(angry)

Stop attacking me!

YEMILINA

Oh, just let him slash at you, mother. You're invincible. I can see that sharp blade bouncing off your flesh like a rubber ball against a tower!

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I won't tolerate the emotional pain.

SOUND: slashing sword

SOUND: sword bouncing back

SOUND: shifting feet

SOUND: clanking armour

SIR JP

Elf! You are plotting revenge against my horse! He didn't know about your carrot! That was your fault!

SOUND: whooshing sword

SOUND: clanking armour

ENELCIA

Ahhh! I'm not invincible and I love your horse, I swear! I love all horses!

SOUND: whooshing sword

SOUND: clanking armour

SOUND: dodging footsteps

SOUND: queen mounting Pegasus

YEMILINA

Don't you dare take that Pegasus, Mother! We need it more.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

You need Teloopa. I'm going to drag Teloopa out of the mermaid lake for you.

YEMILINA

She'll never come out of that lake if you're the one asking! Come back!

SOUND: Pegasus flying away

YEMILINA

(frustrated)

Arrggh!

SOUND: clanking armour

SIR JP

(battle cry)

SOUND: whooshing sword

ENELCIA

(scream)

SOUND: dodging footsteps

SOUND: sword hitting tree

SOUND: clanking armour

SOUND: fairy wings approaching

YEMILINA

Rose! Thank goodness! We could use a fairy right now. Hurry, fly into Teloopa's cottage right over there and find some sleep dust!

ROSE

Why?

YEMILINA

Sir JP has lost his ability to trust.

SOUND: whooshing sword

SOUND: clanking armour

SIR JP

You are an EEK in disguise! Those wings are fake!

SOUND: whooshing sword

SOUND: fairy wings

ROSE

My wings are real!

YEMILINA

Fly, Rose, fly!

ROSE

What does sleep dust look like?

YEMILINA

Pouch! Labelled! Hurry!

SOUND: retreating fairy wings

SOUND: clanking armour

SIR JP

Time meddler...

NAZZY

What? No! I love your horse, too.

SIR JP

You should be slain like a dragon!

NAZZY

For what?

SIR JP

For bringing pointless panic to Wilzerlott!

NAZZY

It's not pointless.

SIR JP

For snatching a child from the timeline and using him to entertain cave people! Kidnapper!

SOUND: sword whooshing

NAZZY

(scream)

SOUND: time travel interrupted

SOUND: sword slash on flesh

NAZZY

Oww! Damn, I wish I could time jump faster.

SOUND: sword whooshing

SOUND: dodging footsteps

YEMILINA

Leave her alone!

SOUND: sword slashing

SOUND: dodging feet

SIR JP

You want me sappy! You said so! You want my veins flooded with poisonous bug sap until I sing against my will!

SOUND: sword whooshing

 SOUND: dodging feet

YEMILINA

I do not!

SIR JP

You want me to sing for your documentary!

YEMILINA

You'll never have to sing for me!

SIR JP

I don't believe you!

SOUND: sword whooshing

SOUND: shifting feet

SOUND: fairy wings approaching

ROSE

This one says 'sleep dust' at the top. I didn't read the whole label. It's long.

YEMILINA

Just throw it at his nose!

ROSE

You're too close to him.

YEMILINA

I'll hold my breath. Do it! 

(gasp)

SOUND: sword whooshing

SOUND: fairy wings rushing

SOUND: sleep dust thrown

SOUND: body fall

SOUND: armour clanking on grass

YEMILINA

(exhale)

There. Now that you're in an enchanted sleep, I have time to read this label. 'If fully inhaled, sleep dust will hold a human or human-sized creature in a deep, unbreakable sleep for approximately ten hours. Half that time for trolls and troll-sized creatures. Double that time for for imps and' – well, that's not relevant. Uh... 'Side affects may include floral breath, muscle soreness, nasal congestion, headaches and death.' Oh!

ENELCIA

(gasp)

No!

ROSE

What have I done?

YEMILINA

I-it's probably a small risk, Rose. Don't worry. I-I'm not worried. Not even a little bit.

SOUND: forest ambience for a few beats

NAZZY

I think I'd better wrap up this instalment. I'm bleeding and Wenoburt hasn't said anything cute for a while.

WENOBURT

Is it the grumpy knight's bedtime?

NAZZY

Shh, save it for next time. I'm trying to keep these short.

SOUND: sleeping knight shifted by princess

YEMILINA

It would be too unfair for you to die like this in your slumber. You deserve to die an old, old man fighting your last dragon.

SOUND: sap bug bite

YEMILINA

May life bring you joy and go by in years

I once sang this song and now you are here,

Your luck's running out

I'll kiss you again

(kiss)

This can't be goodbye

It can't be the end...

NAZZY

Princess?

YEMILINA

Hmmm?

NAZZY

Umm...

YEMILINA

(comfortable sigh)

NAZZY

Um, she forgot about you, dear cave people. I think she's a bit...well...distracted by Sir JP's peaceful, slumbering face. I guess that last sap bite is making him seem a lot cuddlier to her. If we are not eaten by dragons while our dangerously vigilant dragon slayer is unconscious, you shall soon hear more. Wish us luck!