S1 E11: Froggy Ideas and Timely Impulses

Sir JP and Princess Yemilina face a crowd of fearful citizens, a swarm of sap bugs and evidence their time-traveling friend is taking drastic measures to fix the present.

Written and produced by Jennifer Lott

Voice Actors:
Shannon Rea as Nazzy
JP Lott as Sir JP
Jennifer Lott as Yemilina
Owen Lott as Wenoburt
Ivy Lott as Child Yemilina
Lynda Williams as Queen Augusta
Nicole Stoner as Enelcia and Peasant 1
Kenzie Stoner as Rose
Bill Rea as Peasant 2

Transcript

EXT. MARKETPLACE

SOUND: opening theme music

SOUND: marketplace ambiance

SOUND: footsteps

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: restless crowd

SOUND: vivicord appears

SOUND: “Go away!”

SOUND: vivicord yelp

NAZZY

Come on, it wasn’t recording you until you got in its face. Leave it alone.

SOUND: “No, no, no!”

YEMILINA

Don’t mind the vivicord, everyone. Our documentary is strictly for ears in the distant future. Not even your direct descendants, as a matter of fact. No relations of yours shall hear anything you’re saying.

SOUND: rude voices

NAZZY

Just as well since you’re being so rude.

SOUND: angry crowd

NAZZY

Welcome back, dear cave people. Sorry about this. Our extinction is looming ever closer. It’s become common knowledge. Makes people edgy.

PEASANT 1

How can you wander about talking to yourselves, huh? Shouldn’t you be fixing our future? Before every creature turns to ashes in a crater?

YEMILINA

We won’t be ash. Our bodies are tastefully vanished by the last living wizard. And there’s no crater, right, Nazzy?

NAZZY

Even ground when our civilization ends. Very smooth.

SOUND: panicked voices

YEMILINA

We’re changing the future in stages. One step at a time. Now…were any babies born today? It is imperative I kiss their foreheads before sundown.

SOUND: panicked voices

PEASANT 2

Let dragons eat the babies! They won’t live to be toddlers anyway!

YEMILINA

That is a rotten, attitude, Sir, and I pity you.

SOUND: panicked voices

SOUND: shoulder grab

WENOBURT

Princess?

YEMILINA

What, Wenoburt?

WENOBURT

Can’t Nazzy take you back to all the babies you missed?

SIR JP

(snort)

The time meddler moving the princess through time is what caused the problem.

WENOBURT

But she moved me and that wasn’t a problem.

SIR JP

You’re a huge problem.

WENOBURT

Why?

SIR JP

She tampered with your destiny.

WENOBURT

I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to be here, so I can meet you and you can teach me to be a dragon slayer.

SIR JP

You are to be a bug expert.

WENOBURT

I don’t want to be a bug expert. That’s how I get eaten.

SOUND: restless voices

PEASANT 1

Where is the Queen?

YEMILINA

We lost track of her. I have a friend searching. No hurry. She’s quite useless, I’m afraid.

SOUND: panicked voices

YEMILINA

I am better suited than my mother to answer your questions! I’m in the thick of things, while she hides from her mistakes—oh! Why won’t they listen?

SIR JP

They barely know you, Princess.

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: sword unsheathed

SIR JP

Shut up!

SOUND: crowd noises end

PEASANT 2

Sir JP, please, tell us what’s really going to happen.

SIR JP

We will most likely die meaningless deaths in embarrassing and horrible ways. I wake up every day with this truth in my heart.

YEMILINA

(gasp)

You do? How do you get out of bed?

SIR JP

(quiet grumble):

By putting my feet on the floor.

(raising voice):

You can fight the future, or you can whine about it. Either way, you will move aside and let the proactive people muddle through it. You’re slowing us down. 

SOUND: stick swishing

SOUND: stick hitting ground

WENOBURT

What does proactive mean?

SOUND: stick swishing

SIR JP

Not you. You’re just active. Put the stick down.

SOUND: stick swishing

SOUND: stick hitting ground

WENOBURT

It’s my sword.

PEASANT 2

Will your young page play a pivotal role in saving Wilzerlott, Sir JP?

SIR JP

He’s not my page or squire.

WENOBURT

I’m a knight.

SIR JP

Hush!

WENOBURT

(whisper)

I’m a secret knight.

SOUND: Pegasus flying

SOUND: Pegasus lands

SOUND: croaking frog

ENELCIA

I found the Queen. She’s at the castle ruins.

SOUND: dismounting

YEMILINA

Was she moping? Humph! It’s been weeks since the castle blew up. She just can’t let things go, can she? So clingy.

ENELCIA

I don’t think she was moping. She looked mad.

YEMILINA

What did she say?

ENELCIA

I didn’t try to talk to her.

SOUND: croaking frog

NAZZY

I can’t help noticing your daughter is still a frog. Is that healthy?

ENELCIA

She gets her cuddles. All the flies she needs.

NAZZY

You don’t miss cuddling your elf baby?

ENELCIA

A little.

SOUND: swarm of sap bugs

SOUND: panicked voices

SIR JP

Avoid getting bitten at all costs! Hide! Hurry! I don’t want to be the only one…

(heavy sigh)

SOUND: multiple bug bites

SOUND: laughing voices

SIR JP

(frustrated noise)

WENOBURT

(giggle attack / silly noises)

YEMILINA

(giggle attack / singing sounds)

NAZZY

(giddy)

I have a brilliant idea!

SOUND: time travel

SOUND: clanking armor

SIR JP

Don’t trust it! You’ve been bitten! Get back here!

SOUND: sword whoosh

SOUND: time travel concludes

YEMILINA

(through giggles)

Nazzy? Where did you go?

SIR JP

Somewhere impulsive with her brain full of sap. We’re doomed.

SOUND: frog croaks

SOUND: frog eating bugs

ENELCIA

You’re not the only one unaffected, Sir JP. I haven’t been bitten. Look! My daughter is using her new tongue to gobble up bugs before they even touch me.

SOUND: frog croaks

SOUND: frog eating bugs

ENELCIA

Oh, my angel! What a good girl. Do you like being a frog? Do you want to rid the kingdom of—

(gasp of realization)

SIR JP

What?

ENELCIA

We turn every citizen into a frog! That’s how we defeat the sap bugs.

SOUND: happy frog croaks

SIR JP

Your daughter seems sappy happy to me. Frogs may be just as affected by eating the bugs as people are by being bitten.

ENELCIA

So the frogs get sappy. So what? The sap bugs would still be digested and gone. We might want to get Teloopa back. Her transformation potion is lasting longer than any other potion I’ve tried. How many do you think she could whip up if we give her a giant’s cauldron? I know a giant who’d lend us one.

SIR JP

The sap bugs are too numerous. There won’t be enough potions, or enough people willing to be frogs.

ENELCIA

I can vouch for the elves. And we can ask all these lovely people. You’ll be frogs for a good cause, won’t you, folks?

SOUND: laughing and cheering voices

ENELCIA

If you’ve never transformed before, you’re missing out. It’s the best defense we’ve ever had against dragon attacks. My daughter’s living proof.

(singing:)

Reptile, bird or vivicord,

Mix them so you won’t get bored,

SIR JP

You have no sap in your veins. Have some decency and speak.

ENELCIA

Boring!

(singing:)

Frogs too slimy, fish too fin,

Lizards: dragons see as kin,

Get tummies that growl for bugs,

We’ll make save the kingdom mugs!

YEMILINA

(singing:)

Reptile, bird or vivicord,

SIR JP

Arrh, now you’ve set her off!

ENELCIA & YEMILINA

(singing)

Mix them so you won’t get bored,

Frogs too slimy, fish too fin,

Lizards: dragons see as kin,

SOUND: fairy arrives

SOUND: fairy wings

ROSE

(singing)

Get tummies that growl for bugs,

ENELCIA, YEMILINA & ROSE

(singing)

We’ll make save the kingdom mugs!

SIR JP

You, fairy! Get away from those bugs!

ROSE

I thought we were singing.

SIR JP

How do you all know the words when the elf just made it up now? I hate that!

WENOBURT

(giggly)

‘Fish too fin’? Really?

ENELCIA

I made it up on the spot. Give me a break.

SIR JP

(battle cry)

SOUND: sword whooshing

SOUND: armor clanking

YEMILINA

(singing)

Oh, he swings that sword,

Kicking up the dust,

Not hitting a single bug…

I think he’s just avoiding us.

SOUND: bug swarm

SOUND: fairy flying

ROSE

Ahhh!

YEMILINA

(singing)

Buggy stingers missed our fairy friend.

Thank goodness!

They’d probably impale her!

SOUND: fairy flying away

ENELCIA

Bye, Rose!

SOUND: sword sheathed

SIR JP

Elf, you bring the princess. Wenoburt and I will meet you at the castle ruins.

SOUND: mounting horse

SOUND: clanking armor                         

SOUND: galloping horse

EXT. CASTLE RUINS

SOUND: horse whinny

SOUND: dismount

SOUND: vivicord

WENOBURT

Why is there a vivicord here?

SIR JP

I don’t know.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

It was here when I arrived. Nosy beast! Take it back to the forest.

SIR JP

Are you certain you don’t require my presence here, Your Majesty? You seem…

QUEEN AUGUSTA

(battle cry)

SOUND: footsteps on dirt

SOUND: rocks crashing against magical wall

SIR JP

Agitated.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I do not require your assistance. Throwing these rocks is good therapy.

(battle cry)

SOUND: rocks crashing against magical wall

SOUND: EEK laughter

WENOBURT

Awww, the tiny people built you a new castle.

SIR JP

It is a castle for themselves, Wenoburt. They are enemies, building over our ruins.

WENOBURT

Their castle looks better.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I will crush you, you insolent fleas!

SOUND: stomping boots

SOUND: rocks crashing against magical wall

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Get your puny castle off my memories before I get the giants to throw bigger rocks at you. The bigger the rocks, the faster weak magic like yours will erode!

WENOBURT

What’s wrong, Queen?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I wanted to stomp the EEK into gooey puddles under my boots, Wenoburt. Do you know what they’ve gone and done? They’ve put magic shields up over their invasion camp. Cowardly brutes!

SIR JP

(snort)

So much for the frog theory.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

What frogs?

SIR JP

The elf thinks we should all be frogs so we can eat the sap bugs. But if sap bugs aren’t the only defense the EEK--

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I love it! My loyal subjects can erase my mistakes with their long, greedy tongues. Summon my royal sorcerer.

SIR JP

Didn’t he quit?

QUEEN AUGUSTA

He is hiding somewhere while he plans out how he shall grovel and beg my forgiveness. You will determine his location and speed him along.

SIR JP

(sigh)

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I think we should be more concerned with locating the Time Meddler. Perhaps with a more available magic user? Someone who has some capacity to see changes in the timeline. 

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Why? What has that Klutz done to the timeline?

SIR JP

She did not enlighten us.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

If she was secretive, she must be taking treasonous action.

SIR JP

I fear it is not well thought out.

SOUND: Pegasus flying

YEMILINA

(laughter)

SOUND: Pegasus landing

SOUND: dismounting

SIR JP

What took you so long? Your horse flies.

ENELCIA

The princess wouldn’t leave without vivicord.

SOUND: vivicord arrives

SIR JP

There’s no need to drag that one along. There’s already a vivicord here.

WENOBURT

Two vivicords! They can be friends.

SOUND: vivicord chatter

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I can’t stand vivicord chatter. Take them both to the forest.

SIR JP

Might as well.

SOUND: clanking armor

ENELCIA

Wait! Listen.

SOUND: vivicord static

NAZZY

(staticky)

Hello, fair listeners.

SOUND: vivicord static

YEMILINA

Nazzy’s voice!

SOUND: vivicord static

NAZZY

(giddy)

Hello, fair listeners. I snagged a vivicord on my way here, because I didn’t want you to miss my brilliant new plan. After that swarm came down on the marketplace, I realized—

SOUND: vivicord chatter

YEMILINA

(song words in italics)

That’s what just happened. She must have recorded this right after she left us.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

The Time Klutz left evidence of her treachery? How foolish!

SIR JP

She won’t be thinking of herself as treacherous, Your Majesty. She’s been sap-poisoned.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

Play the whole thing.

SOUND: vivicord chattering

YEMILINA

(song words in italics)

Stop chattering, please! Let us hear that recording as clearly as if Nazzy was right here with us.

SOUND: vivicord chatter ends

EXT. CASTLE

SOUND: footsteps

NAZZY

(giddy)

Nice to see the castle in one piece. Maybe I’ll grab some souvenirs.

SOUND: child footsteps

CHILD YEMILINA

Are you my time-travelling friend or my imaginary friend?

NAZZY

Hi, little girl Yemilina! Time traveller. Sorry I confused you last time. I had some silly notion I should let you think I was a dream. Protecting the timeline or some nonsense like that.

CHILD YEMILINA

Are you looking for mommy again?

NAZZY

Just you and some of these fancy dancy tapestries.

SOUND: pulling cloth

NAZZY

I used to live in the castle, you know. Wanna come see how it looks when it’s all blown up by experimental magic? It’s so cool.

CHILD YEMILINA

It sounds sad.

SOUND: pulling cloth

NAZZY

I just miss the tapestries. Maybe that painting…

SOUND: picture frame lifting off wall

CHILD YEMILINA

Are you here to save art?

NAZZY

That’s just a bonus. I’m here to save unkissed babies. Do you like babies?

CHILD YEMILINA

I like babies.

NAZZY

Do you like kissing babies?

CHILD YEMILINA

Mommy and daddy take me to kiss every baby born in the kingdom.

NAZZY

That’s right, you’re already at it. Off we go, then!

SOUND: footsteps

SOUND: shoulder grab

CHILD YEMILINA

Where are we going?

NAZZY

To the future.

CHILD YEMILINA

Am I really old there?

NAZZY

Oh, you’re completely gone. Thirty-one years Yemilina-less! It’s a princess void where I need to stick you. Come on now. Hold my hand.

CHILD YEMILINA

Can I ask mommy first?

NAZZY

Nope.

CHILD YEMILINA

I don’t think it’s a good idea.

NAZZY

Of course it is! It’s brilliant. There’s not a shred of doubt in my mind about that. I’m guaranteed to succeed.

CHILD YEMILINA

Maybe you took too much confidence potion.

NAZZY

No, no, no, I was bitten by sap bugs. You know, those creatures your mother summoned from the portal? Remember them? Weren’t they funny?

CHILD YEMILINA

Are they good bugs?

NAZZY

Good, bad – doesn’t matter. I’m brilliant and you’re going to save the kingdom. Off we go!

CHILD YEMILINA

Can I ask daddy?

NAZZY

Stop being so considerate. Mommy and daddy do things all the time without asking you first.

CHILD YEMILINA

That’s true.

NAZZY

So….ready for an adventure?

SOUND: time travel begins

CHILD YEMILINA

Time ride! Weeeeeeeeee! This is so fun!

SOUND: time travel ends

EXT. CASTLE RUINS

SOUND: vivicord chatter

SIR JP

Do you remember that? When you were a child, did you bounce around with that time meddler in those lost decades?

YEMILINA

(song words in italics)

I don’t remember. It’s shocking. I feel certain I’d have clear memories of something like that. It’s not such an everyday thing, is it? It’s memorable.

SIR JP

Very memorable. If it’s not your sap brain in your way, it must be a powerful memory spell.

ENELCIA

Or it was undone. Something Nazzy did might not have been the final result for the timeline.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

That capricious dragon welp!

SOUND: rock crashing against rocks

QUEEN AUGUSTA

She kidnapped my daughter! The nerve! The villainy!

WENOBURT

But, Queen, you wanted her to kidnap me.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

You were supposed to be older.

YEMILINA

(song words in italics)

Oh, mother. Nazzy is my friend. It’s okay to be kidnapped by friends.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

You were too young to have friends! If that lunatic can’t stick to adult kidnapping, she’ll be rotting in my dungeon before she--

YEMILINA

You don’t have a dungeon.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

She’ll have her powers destroyed by my royal sorcerer.

ENELCIA

You don’t have a royal sorcerer.

QUEEN AUGUSTA

I’m living forever! I can punish her longer than she’ll be alive!

SOUND: rocks crashing against magical wall

SOUND: EEK laughter

SOUND: vivicords moving

SOUND: vivicords chattering

SIR JP

(sigh)

I’m taking the vivicords to the forest.

YEMILINA

Oh, but don’t forget to save the recording we just made.

SIR JP

I’ve already forgotten.

YEMILINA

Then I’d better come with you. Look after Wenoburt, won’t you, Enelcia?

ENELCIA

Sure thing, Princess.

WENOBURT

I don’t want to be a frog.

SOUND: croaking frog

ENELCIA

Aw, come on. My daughter loves it, don’t you, darling?

YEMILINA

Goodbye, fair cave people. Thank you for listening! If we are not chomped by dragons, you shall soon hear more. Wish us luck!

SOUND: closing theme music