S1 E12: The Mysterious Box

Our adventurers discover a box protected by ancient enchantments. It is marked with the name of the enemy: EEK.

Written and Produced by Jennifer Lott

Voice Actors:
Shannon Rea as Nazzy
Jennifer Lott as Yemilina
JP Lott as Sir JP
Owen Lott as Wenoburt
Nicole Stoner as Enelcia
Jennifer Lott as King David
Craig Bowlsby as the Wizard

Transcript

SOUND: opening theme music

EXT ELVES GROVE

SOUND: night forest ambiance

SOUND: vivicords chatting

SIR JP

Off you go! Shoo!

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: sword swoosh

SOUND: vivicord yelp

SOUND: vivicord retreating footsteps

YEMILINA

Good evening, cave people of the future. We are back in the elves’ grove, dropping off the two vivicords who were bothering my mother. The stars are out and the moon is full.

SOUND: vivicord approaching footsteps

SIR JP

You too! Get!

SOUND: sword whoosh

SOUND: vivicord yelp

YEMILINA

Oh, let one of them stay! They’re finished chattering now. We need one to keep recording this instalment.

SIR JP

Goodbye, cave people!

SOUND: armor clanking

SOUND: sword whoosh

SOUND: vivicord yelp

YEMILINA

No, this is much too short. Stop it!

SOUND: sword whoosh

SOUND: armor clanking

SIR JP

I don’t want cave people eavesdropping on me when I die. I have my dignity.

YEMILINA

You won’t die!

SIR JP

We’re getting wiped out. Remember?

YEMILINA

What if we don’t get wiped out? Don’t you want future humans to cheer for you when you prevail?

SIR JP

No one cheers when I slay dragons. It only attracts more dragons to the noise.

YEMILINA

Oh, we are ungrateful, aren’t we? I will cheer for you next time.

SIR JP

You completely ignored the second thing I said.

YEMILINA

I’ll cheer quietly.

SIR JP

Humpf! You don’t know how to do anything quietly. You flaunt your songs, your laughs, your gorgeous…

YEMILINA

What? My gorgeous what?

SIR JP

I’m not finishing that sentence with cave people listening in.

YEMILINA

Do you have feelings for me? Even shallow, irritating ones? Please, it’s a full moon and the werewolves are sleeping. It doesn’t get more romantic than this.

SIR JP

Moonlight won’t drag anything out of me. The future is spying on us.

YEMILINA

You’re only teasing because you want me to let you chase off the vivicord.

SIR JP

You care more about getting a gush of sappy words from me for your documentary than you care about anything real.

YEMILINA

Are you truly capable of such words?

SIR JP

You’ll never know!

SOUND: ghost appears

KING DAVID

How fare you, sweet daughter?

YEMILINA

Father! How wonderful to see you again! You’re looking well for a ghost. There’s a sort of glimmer in your transparent cheeks.

KING DAVID

The moonlight does wonders for my complexion. Why do you look so unhappy in this beautiful grove?

YEMILINA

It’s Sir JP, father. He won’t let the vivicord stay to record our every private conversation for future cave people. Why should it matter how intimately they know us if we’ll never meet them? I think only Nazzy has the right to feel embarrassed, don’t you?

KING DAVID

Sir JP, be gracious enough to allow my daughter her documentary pursuits.

SIR JP

(sigh)

Very well, Your Majesty.

SOUND: sheathed sword

YEMILINA

Oh, thank you, father. It feels so good to have your leverage again. Let’s go to the mermaid lake and try it on Teloopa.

KING DAVID

Do you really need that young sorcerous, my dear? I fear her destructive tendencies.

YEMILINA                                          

Really, father, she only destroyed a castle one time.

KING DAVID

It was a very large castle.

YEMILINA

Well, we must let it go. The royal sorcerer is on strike, and I don’t know where he is. Teloopa is right over there.

KING DAVID

Lead the way.

SOUND: footsteps

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: gliding ghost

SOUND: lake ambiance

SOUND: splashing tails

SOUND: mermaid murmurs

YEMILINA

Teloopa! My dearly departed father is here, and he forgives you for destroying his castle – on condition that you come out of that lake right this minute and talk to us!

SOUND: mermaid rising above water

TELOOPA

Really? You’re getting the king involved? I’m just having some down time.

YEMILINA

That’s not true! You waited until my mother got mad. You are hiding from consequences.

KING DAVID

Wilzerlott is now a Queendom, young sorcerous. It is not a Kingdom, because I am mere wisps of a king. Still, I hope my wailing disappointment will inspire remorse in your reckless soul.

SOUND: ghost wail

TELOOPA

I really am sorry about your castle, Your Majesty. I’m sure it’s much more comfortable for a ghost king to haunt his own castle. Now you’re…adrift?

KING DAVID

I am tied to significant people from my life. Places are immaterial.

TELOOPA

Oh, so you’re making me feel bad for no reason?

SOUND: time travel

KING DAVID

You have great talent and with that comes great responsibility.

NAZZY

That doesn’t sound quite right. Are you sure it’s not ‘great power’?

KING DAVID

Time meddler! Why do you question your king’s words?

NAZZY

Ah, no, it’s me, never mind. I watched too many movies in 2022.

YEMILINA

Cave people time? How can you be thinking about that now?

NAZZY

Why not? I just came from there.

YEMILINA

You did not. You snatched child me from the timeline and went galivanting off with her — uh, I mean with me.

NAZZY

(confused)

No, I didn’t.

YEMILINA

We have a vivicord recording that proves it.

NAZZY

I haven’t been anywhere near child you since we found out about your mom and the sap bugs.

YEMILINA

You wouldn’t lie to me. Are you an earlier version of yourself? Don’t do that, Nazzy! The cave people will get confused.

NAZZY

I just don’t know what you’re talking about. I rested in 2022 for a few months and I came back now so we could start recording our next installment. You know, for September 3rd, their time?

YEMILINA

We already recorded that one. You’ve been missing.

NAZZY

What?

TELOOPA

Oh no. Where’s my staff?

SOUND: magic staff

SOUND: puff of gas

YEMILINA and NAZZY

(coughing)

NAZZY

(coughing)

What did you do to us?

TELOOPA

I’m just looking inside your brains.

YEMILINA

(coughing)

Couldn’t you have used an X-ray tiara?

TELOOPA

This stuff shows your gaps better.

YEMILINA

Gaps?

TELOOPA

Missing memories. Yours, princess, are from about fifty years ago, when you were very young. Nazzy’s gap was just a few minutes ago.

NAZZY

Someone erased our memories?

TELOOPA

Someone. Something. Who can tell?

NAZZY

You, I would hope. Someone needs to figure out what happened.

YEMILINA

The recording says you took child me into the thirty-one years of my adult absence, so that I could kiss all the babies I missed.

NAZZY

But was that good or bad? How did it impact our present?

KING DAVID

In my last living years, I recall glimpsing my four-year-old daughter by babies’ cradles. She would appear only briefly and disappear once more. My Queen became distressed when I mentioned these sightings. She begged me not to fantasize that our daughter was back – whether child or adult. It was too painful.

TELOOPA

Want a mermaid transformation potion, Nazzy? He’s about to wail guilty feelings into you. They really prickle.

NAZZY

I…I must have made another mistake, but…I don’t remember it. I can’t tell you how child Yemilina in the wrong years might have messed up the timeline. So far…so good?

KING DAVID

I must go now. Tragic memories will turn me into a weeping specter that haunts the happy hearts here. I refuse to be a burden. Farewell.

YEMILINA

Goodbye, father.

SOUND: ghost disappearing

TELOOPA

Hmmm...better get a closer look.

SOUND: magic staff

SOUND: puff of gas

SOUND: gasping mermaids

SIR JP

(coughing)

Stop stinking up the air with foul spells!

TELOOPA

I needed a deeper x-ray. There’s something silver hidden under the ground there. Look! I noticed when I x-rayed brains right in front of it.

YEMILINA

Oh, yes, I see it. A big silver box. It looks very mysterious.

(gasp)

Do you see that word? I’m not just imagining that, am I?

NAZZY

I see it. The box is labelled ‘EEK.’

YEMILINA

It must belong to our invaders.

TELOOPA

I’ll dig it out.

SIR JP

Please just conjure the shovel and give it to me.

TELOOPA

Don’t trouble yourself, Sir JP.

SIR JP

No trouble at all.

TELOOPA

Stand back.

SOUND: magic staff

SOUND: exploding dirt

SOUND: screaming mermaids              

SIR JP

Everyone alive?

YEMILINA and NAZZY

(confirmations of being okay/alive/etc)

SOUND: mermaids’ assenting voices

TELOOPA

No faith.

SOUND: big metal box lifted out of dirt

YEMIILINA

There’s no opening on the box. Do another puff of that X-ray stuff so we can see inside it.

TELOOPA

X-ray spells aren’t going to show us anything. There are ancient protective enchantments on this thing.

YEMILINA

Ancient? So the EEK have been here a long time. Come back, father! You could pass through their vault for us and tell us what you see.

TELOOPA

Don’t bother. Ghosts never appear when you really need them.

YEMILINA

He evacuated the castle before it blew up.

TELOOPA

That was just him being paranoid.

SOUND: dragons flying

SOUND: dragons roaring

SOUND: mermaid screams

SOUND: mermaids diving underwater

SOUND: Pegasus flying

ENELCIA

(distant)

Help! Somebody heeeelp!

WENOBURT

(scream)

YEMILINA

(calling out)

Enelcia! Wenoburt!

SOUND: dragons flying

SOUND: dragons roaring

SOUND: Pegasus flying

SOUND: Pegasus distressed whinny

NAZZY

(calling out)

Land your Pegasus!

YEMILINA

(calling out)

Yes, please land quickly! Those dragons will knock you out of the sky.

WENOBURT

I will save us!

ENELCIA

Stop moving, kid! Sit down! Nooooooo!

SOUND: falling body

WENOBURT

(scream)

SOUND: body slam against armor

YEMILINA

Oh, good catch, Sir JP! Are you alright, Wenoburt?

SIR JP

I don’t have time for you.

SOUND: body slam against grass

WENOBURT

Ooooof!

SOUND: Pegasus landing

SOUND: dismount

SOUND: running footsteps

ENELCIA

(scream)

SOUND: frog croak

SOUND: sword swipes

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: dragons landing

WENOBURT

For saving my life, I will help you fight the dragons!

SOUND: footsteps

SOUND: stick swipes

WENOBURT

(battle cry)

TELOOPA

Oh, boy.

SOUND: dragons breathing fire

SOUND: stick swipes

WENOBURT

Take this, dragon!

SOUND: stick taps

WENOBURT

Hey, dragon, can you please die?

SOUND: clanking armor

SIR JP

Whatever!

SOUND: sword swipes

SOUND: dragon roars

SOUND: dragon breathing fire

SOUND: magic staff

YEMILINA

Teloopa? What are you doing?

SOUND: fire movement

SOUND: heat gathering into a ball

YEMILINA

Are you taking away their fire? How masterful of you! Sir JP should bring you along when he goes slaying.

TELOOPA

Oh, the slaying is all up to him. I’m only collecting some dragon heat for afterwards. It won’t affect the fight, I promise.

YEMILINA

He’s badly outnumbered! You should be helping him with spells.

TELOOPA

Why? He’s unnaturally lucky. If I had his toothbrush, I could prove it.

SOUND: dragon roars

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: dragons breathing fire

SOUND: sword swipes

YEMILINA

You’ve done quite enough toothbrush work.

TELOOPA

I knew it! I knew it was you. 

YEMILINA

You knew we found your experiment? How?

TELOOPA

All my important stuff has alarms on it. They go off in my brain no matter what shape I am.

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: sword slashes

SOUND: dragons roaring

SOUND: sword stabs

SOUND: dragons falling

YEMILINA

What was the point of littering your brain with alarms like that, when you didn’t even heed them? You didn’t leap out of the lake and storm over to your cottage to scold us.

TELOOPA

I was too relaxed. Honestly, if you guys could just solve this end of existence problem without me, I’ll put my tail back on and wait for you. I’m much more comfortable going to my cauldron when the time is right to focus on inventing dragon condiments.

SOUND: sword slash

SOUND: dragon fall

SOUND: dragon sounds die out completely

SOUND: sword sheathed

YEMILINA

(quiet cheer)

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: footsteps

WENOBURT

I helped! I stabbed a dragon! Did you see me, grumpy knight? Did you see?

SIR JP

I am impressed by your survival.

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: footsteps

SIR JP

Witch, if you ever want to mess around with frog guts again, you will keep your legs and help us!

TELOOPA

That’s what I’m doing, obviously. Do you not see this ball of fire I collected from the dragons?

SOUND: heat gathering into a ball

SOUND: blazing ball of fire

SIR JP

Put it down slowly.

TELOOPA

I can use it to break into the EEK vault. See?

SOUND: blazing heat against metal

SOUND: weakening enchantments

NAZZY

Um…I know dragon breath is pretty good at breaking through ancient enchantments, but…

TELOOPA

It’s working. It’s just a slow burn, pushing past them one by one.

SOUND: blazing heat against metal

SOUND: weakening enchantments

NAZZY

How long do you think it will take?

TELOOPA

About an hour.

ENELCIA

We might as well get comfortable, then.

SOUND: body flopping onto grass

YEMILINA

Yes, let’s sit down.

SOUND: bodies flopping onto grass

SOUND: clanking armor

SOUND: time travel

SIR JP

Cheater! Have you ever waited for anything in your life?

YEMILINA

Oh, Nazzy! She really hasn’t; not while I’ve known her. When something’s on her mind, she likes to go straight to the moment of news.

SOUND: blazing heat against metal

SOUND: weakening enchantments

SOUND: time travel

NAZZY

(panting)

Stop! Don’t do it!

SOUND: magic staff

SOUND: blazing stops

TELOOPA

Why?

NAZZY

Leave the vault alone! It’s toxic. It’s not even about the EEK – not the invaders, anyway. It’s the letters E – E – K: they stand for Eventual Everything Killer. A sorcerer set it up ages ago for magic waste collection. It’s where all bad spells go to stew, and if they get out now, they’re lethal. It’s how we go extinct. We destroy ourselves!

YEMILINA, TELOOPA, ENELCIA and WENOBURT

(gasps of shock and horror)

SIR JP

Makes perfect sense.

ENELCIA

How did that wizard survive? There’s a lone survivor at the end of our existence. Didn’t he tell you how he escaped our terrible fate?

NAZZY

He was never clear about that. The only person who could have survived was…

SOUND: forest ambiance

NAZZY

Oh my God, he—she lied to me. I’ve gotta go.

SIR JP

No, no! Stop and explain.

NAZZY

I’ll come straight back and explain. It won’t make any difference to you.

SIR JP

You have ten seconds!

YEMILINA

Take the vivicord, Nazzy. In case you lose your memory again.

NAZZY

Good idea.

SOUND: time travel
 EXT BARREN LAND

SOUND: vanishing spells

SOUND: wall crumbling

SOUND: magic bugs buzzing

SOUND: footsteps

SOUND: cape whipping back

WIZARD

Not you again! I told you everything about our extinction.

NAZZY

You really didn’t…Your Majesty.

SOUND: feet shifting

WIZARD

I called you ‘Nazzy’! I didn’t say ‘Time Klutz.’ I changed everything about the way I talk to you. How did you know?

NAZZY                                                                             

You did try to zap me at one point.

WIZARD

Is that what gave me away? I justified that. I had my whole story worked out.

NAZZY

Those protection spells around your head aren’t real, are they, Your Majesty? You don’t need protection. You’re the only invincible person in Wilzerlott, and that’s why you’re the only one here.

WIZARD

I didn’t know what to tell you! I don’t know how to fix what happened.

NAZZY

I think I’m piecing it together. But it’s not fixed yet. The toxin obviously still gets out somehow.

WIZARD

I told you the truth when I said the sap bugs destroy us. The dragons and the EEK wipe out all the sappy people with comical ease. Except for the giants. The toxin that fills the air later kills them and the dragons.

NAZZY

But it doesn’t wipe out the EEK or the sap bugs?

WIZARD

No. Those sneaky devils dive through a portal and wait it out. They’re back in our dimension a week later, breathing freely.

NAZZY

So we could escape that way, too? The toxin doesn’t linger forever in the air? It clears up?

WIZARD

Oh, you’re a portal expert now, are you? Ready to whip one out like a ladder to escape a burning tower? I made a royal mess of portals with far superior resources at my disposal.

NAZZY

I have an endless timeline of resources.

WIZARD

You wear out. You make mistakes.

NAZZY

Aren’t mistakes a worthwhile risk at this point? We’re all going to die anyway.

WIZARD
Finding me here means you’ve failed.

NAZZY

No! It…

SOUND: vanishing spells

SOUND: wall crumbling

NAZZY

What I don’t understand is how you’re using magic right now. Did you…steal a wizard’s body somehow? His powers?

WIZARD

How dare you!

NAZZY

I just—

WIZARD

He gave me his powers with his dying breath! It was the happiest moment of his life to be of such great service to his Queen. He was giggling with joy.

NAZZY

Yes, well, with the sap bugs doing what they did…um…

WIZARD

It was genuine joy! I changed my appearance to honor his memory.

NAZZY

Or to trick me? You were expecting me?

WIZARD

I never expect you, but I always dread it.

SOUND: vanishing spells

SOUND: wall crumbling

NAZZY

So why are you really erasing all evidence of Wilzerlott? You don’t really believe it prevents the EEK from ever finding us, do you?

WIZARD

 No. I’m trying to restore my kingdom and resurrect dead citizens as ghosts.

NAZZY

That’s ambitious. 

WIZARD

It’s not working! Everything just keeps vanishing. I was only trying to erase the dragon bones, but all they do is change shape.

NAZZY

How about you stop trying to wield magic? It’s obviously stressful for you.

WIZARD

The wisdom to wield these powers should have come to me along with them.

NAZZY

I don’t think that wizard knew what he was doing. You shouldn’t have magic in an untrained body with no genetic support for it.

WIZARD

Don’t you dare talk about my body that way!

NAZZY

Just be Queen Augusta again, okay? I’ll fix the past.

WIZARD

Insolent laundry girl! You will fetch my royal sorcerer and bring him to me this instant!

NAZZY

Sorry, no.

WIZARD

(frustrated noise)

SOUND: wand zap

SOUND: body jumping aside

NAZZY

Bye.

SOUND: time travel begins

NAZZY

Oh, and goodbye, fair listeners. If we’re not gulped by dragons, you’ll soon—

SOUND: wand zap

NAZZY

I’d talk more, but I’m time-jumping for my life.

SOUND: time travel concludes

SOUND: closing theme music