S3 E7: Questionable Eggs

Wenoburt leaves the Mind Anomaly with an urgent warning for Sir JP. Meanwhile, Yemilina's child self has taken her nurturing instincts one species too far.

Written and produced by Jennifer Lott

Voice Actors:

Shannon Rea as Nazzy

Tegan Lott as Teloopa

Lisa Van Gool as Pisanna

Jennifer Lott as Yemilina

Owen Lott as Wenoburt

Ivy Lott as Child Yemilina

Transcript

SOUND: Opening Theme Music

INT. MIND ANOMALY

SOUND: Stained Glass Forest Ambiance

SOUND: Monkey shrieks

SOUND: Spider scuttling

SOUND: Teapot rattling

SOUND: Truck engine starting

WENOBURT

Oh no! Now he’s trying to drive away?

SOUND: Truck driving

PISANNA

Arnold!

SOUND: Running footsteps on glass

PISANNA

Your mind doesn’t have a road that goes out. We have to wait for the portal that opens the roof.

WENOBURT

I think this place is shrinking. He’s driving in circles.

TELOOPA

The repetitive panic is starting to get to me. How about we try this?

SOUND: Log hitting glass

SOUND: Breaking glass

PISANNA

(gasp)

SOUND: Truck slamming on brakes

SOUND: Truck doors locking

SOUND: Log hitting glass

SOUND: Breaking glass

PISANNA

You can’t just break the floor like that. It represents something.

TELOOPA

When puzzles get boring, I smash them. Grab one of those logs. Help me out.

PISANNA

I can’t!

TELOOPA

You’ll get into it. Just pretend we’re trashing Nazzy’s cottage.

SOUND: Log hitting glass

SOUND: Breaking glass

WENOBURT

Ow! You got glass in my socks.

TELOOPA

Why don’t you have armor to go with that sword?

WENOBURT

It’s too uncomfortable.

TELOOPA

Speaking of your sword…you ready?

SOUND: Log hitting glass

SOUND: Breaking glass

WENOBURT

For what?

TELOOPA

Whatever jumps out of the glassy depths of this clown’s subconscious.

SOUND: Log hitting glass

SOUND: Breaking glass

PISANNA

(uncomfortable noise)

SOUND: Falling glass

SOUND: Flying dragon

SOUND: Dragon roar

WENOBURT

(yelp of surprise)

SOUND: Sword unsheathed

SOUND: Sword swipes

PISANNA

Oh, oh, let’s slay all his mind-dragons! He’s bound to feel safer without those. Slay them!

TELOOPA

She means you, kid.

WENOBURT

(grunts of exertion)

Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

SOUND: Sword swipes

SOUND: Roaring dragon

SOUND: Sword stab

SOUND: Dragon dying roar

SOUND: Dragon body fall

SOUND: Magic dust explosion

PISANNA

It looks like the mind-dragons don’t even turn into corpses. They just poof away. Arnold will like that.

TELOOPA

Ready for more, Wenoburt? Another good smash should get you a sky full.

WENOBURT

How about one at a time, please?

SOUND: Muffled dragon roars

SOUND: Heads bumping glass

TELOOPA

You know, they don’t look like they’re forming a patient line under there. I think we just—

SOUND: Smashing glass

SOUND: Overlapping dragon wings

SOUND: Overlapping dragon roars

WENOBURT

(improv: reacting to dragons)

SOUND: Sword swipes

SOUND: Moving feet

SOUND: Sword slash

SOUND: Double sword stab

WENOBURT

(improv: reacting to dragons)

SOUND: Dragon dying roar

SOUND: Dragon body fall

SOUND: Magic dust explosion

PISANNA

Well done, Wenoburt.

TELOOPA

You’re like a Sir JP in miniature.

SOUND: Sword swipes

WENOBURT

I can’t get them all! You slay some!

TELOOPA

My powers got song-tangled, remember?

SOUND: Overlapping dragon roars

WENOBURT

(screaming)

SOUND: Sword swipes

TELOOPA

Pisanna, think of another song from your caveman’s time.

PISANNA

About dragons?

TELOOPA

Duh. I need lyrics to channel.

PISANNA

(singing)

Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea…

TELOOPA

And drowned in it? Am I channelling tsunami power? Whirlpools?

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Wave spell fizzles out

TELOOPA

I’m not watching towering waves blast out of my staff. You sang it wrong.

PISANNA

It’s not a violent song. I think it’s about the childhood joy of make believe.

TELOOPA

Holy dragon dung, these cavepeople are messed up.

SOUND: Overlapping dragon roars

WENOBURT

(improv screams)

SOUND: Sword swipes

TELOOPA

You got this, Wee Warrior.

WENOBURT

I don’t got this!

(improv)

SOUND: Overlapping dragon roars

SOUND: Sword swipes

TELOOPA

I recommend more stabbing.

SOUND: Dragon snapping jaws

WENOBURT

(screaming)

TELOOPA

That’s screaming. Try stabbing.

PISANNA

Beheading would work, too.

SOUND: Sword whoosh

SOUND: Dragon snapping jaws

SOUND: Stumbling body

WENOBURT

You have to help me! I’m gonna get eaten again!

PISANNA

(gasp)

Again? When did you get eaten?

WENOBURT

Nazzy said I did.

PISANNA

You can’t believe anything she says. She’s just fishing for compliments.

SOUND: Portal opening

SOUND: Monkey shrieks fading out

SOUND: Spider scuttling fading out

SOUND: Teapot rattle fading out

WENOBURT

Teloopa’s ex-boyfriends are escaping the anomaly.

PISANNA

Shhh, don’t give them away.

WENOBURT

It’s okay. She’s busy admiring her staff. And I’m busy screaming!

SOUND: Dragon roar

WENOBURT

(screaming improv)

SOUND: Sword swipes

SOUND: Magic staff fluxing

TELOOPA

Mmmm-hmmm…the portal that keeps opening this roof is giving me another avenue for power. How about I help with that lethal dragon disease the queen totally failed to deliver.

PISANNA

The pus bugs?

TELOOPA

They’re in that dimension, right? The way to wipe out dragons. Let’s test it on these sort-of-dragons. They could be real enough—

SOUND: Dragon bite

WENOBURT

(scream of pain)

TELOOPA

Was that a real bite?

WENOBURT

(scream of pain)

TELOOPA

Use your words, jeez, I don’t speak your scream language.

WENOBURT

I’m bleeding!

TELOOPA

So real bite. Maybe the pus disease will work on these things.

WENOBURT

(groaning in pain)

But it’s super complicated. Nazzy is still—

PISANNA

Nazzy will research it to death, and we will be dead long before she finishes.

TELOOPA

Besides, Chabelle is doing half the work, opening the portal up like this. I bet I can get the goods.

SOUND: Magic Staff

SOUND: Overlapping summoning spells, growing louder

SOUND: Pus bugs buzzing

SOUND: Pus bug bites

SOUND: Multiple dying dragon roars

PISANNA

It’s working!

SOUND: Multiple dragon body falls

SOUND: Multiple magic dust explosions

PISANNA

Whoa, it’s working fast.

SOUND: Pus bugs buzzing

SOUND: Portal closing

WENOBURT

(gasp)

Some of the bugs left the anomaly. They’re loose in the forest!

TELOOPA

You’re welcome, kingdom.

WENOBURT

But Sir JP! He’s out there as a dragon! It’s not his human day yet.

TELOOPA

Oh…whoops.

WENOBURT

You have to go save him!

TELOOPA

(heavy sigh)

SOUND: Footsteps on broken glass

SOUND: Knock on truck door

PISANNA

Come on out, Arnold. No more dragons. Come and give me a hug.

TELOOPA

(gagging noises)

I wish you’d paint glass again. All that man-coddling is grossing me out.

PISANNA

I feel responsible for him.

TELOOPA

We have a child right there. Move that mothering energy over to him.

WENOBURT

I’m not a child. I’m a dragonslayer!

TELOOPA

And you haven’t even bandaged his bite, you lazy mother.

PISANNA

Stop mislabeling my romance. Arnold is the same age as me.

TELOOPA

Oh, automatic soul mates.

PISANNA

Just because you’ve never loved a man—

TELOOPA

I love them exactly as long as they deserve.

PISANNA

It’s not love when you turn them into frogs.

TELOOPA

That’s a stupid rule.

SOUND: Truck creaking

SOUND: Metal shifting

SOUND: Eggshells shifting

PISANNA

Arnold…? Why is your truck becoming a giant egg? That looks like a much more breakable hideout.

SOUND: Wall rising

SOUND: Egg wobbling

PISANNA

Oh, you shouldn’t put that wall underneath! An egg balanced on a wall? What is he thinking!

TELOOPA

Aw, it’s got little hands and feet sticking out. He’s feeling like a fragile egg-man.

PISANNA

Come down, Arnold! At least make a nest or something.

SOUND: Egg wobbling

TELOOPA

If that egg falls…

SOUND: Galloping horses

SOUND: Men shouting

TELOOPA

…oh, look, there’s horses and men waiting with glue. Are they going to put him together again?

SOUND: Portal opening

WENOBURT

The roof is open! Quick, Teloopa! Fly out of here and save—

TELOOPA

I’ll stay. That wobbling egg is gonna smash and it might have a yolk-covered caveman inside. I really want to see that.

SOUND: Egg wobbling

WENOBURT

You have to make Sir JP human early and keep him human until the pus bugs are gone.

TELOOPA

It took two of me to push a transformation spell through dragon hide last time.

WENOBURT

But you’re a goddess now. You said so!

TELOOPA

Yeah, I just meant that in the ‘I can do whatever I want’ way.

WENOBURT

You’ve always done that!

TELOOPA

You’d be surprised how often I let all the whining you people do break into my cold, shriveled heart.

WENOBURT

So feel bad about Sir JP! He doesn’t deserve to die.

TELOOPA

I’m sure Nazzy will fix it.

WENOBURT

We have to at least warn him!

TELOOPA

Well, run, mini mighty man. Be a hero.

SOUND: Running footsteps on glass

TELOOPA

Need a ladder?

SOUND: Magic Staff

SOUND: Conjuring spell

SOUND: Climbing ladder

WENOBURT

I’m sorry, Arnold! I’m leaving the scary women with you. I think one of them likes you. Just don’t get boring for the other one. You’ll be okay, I promise!

SOUND: Running footsteps on dirt

SOUND: Forest ambiance fading in

SOUND: Portal closing

EXT. MARKETPLACE

SOUND: Vivicord

SOUND: Marketplace ambiance

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on dirt

SOUND: Bird-baby fussing

YEMILINA

Now, darling, don’t fuss so much in public. I want everyone to love you as easily as I do. You can make that easier, yes, you can.

(singing:)

Just be calm…

SOUND: Bird-baby calming down

SOUND: Wagon rolling to a stop

SOUND: Muttering merchants

PRESENT NAZZY

I think those merchants are hoping we’ll stop and look at their dragon-screen lotion…hmm, it doesn’t seem any different from the last batch. I wish they’d do more test runs before they sell.

SOUND: Bottles sliding on counter

SOUND: Muttering merchants

YEMILINA

Oh, no thank you. We’re not here for dragon-screen lotion, not because it’s a failing invention or anything, it’s just that I need diapers and burp cloths.

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on dirt

PRESENT NAZZY

Mm, lots of fresh fruit today. I’ll load up a basket.

SOUND: Basket placed on counter

SOUND: Fruit placed in basket

SOUND: Muttering merchant

SOUND: Coins dropping onto counter

SOUND: Coins sliding off counter

SOUND: Basket lifting

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on dirt

SOUND: Pegasus wings

SOUND: Pegasus whinny

YEMILINA

You can tell fewer people have their own Pegasus these days. They’re getting away with rentals over there.

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps

PRESENT NAZZY

Here we are. This stall should have all the baby stuff.

SOUND: Sifting through cloths

YEMILINA

Yes, plenty to help us avoid laundry for a while.

SOUND: Cloths folding into basket

YEMILINA

Oh, look! 

SOUND: Handling helmet

YEMILINA

An infant helmet for horseback riding. We must get you that.

SOUND: Bird-baby fussing

SOUND: Cloths folding into basket

YEMILINA

All these. How much?

SOUND: Muttering Merchant

SOUND: Coins dropping onto counter

SOUND: Coins sliding off counter

SOUND: Basket lifting

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps

SOUND: Handling helmet

YEMILINA

Isn’t this adorable? Sturdy, too.

SOUND: Tapping on helmet

PRESENT NAZZY

Looks like a good helmet.

SOUND: Handling helmet

YEMILINA

It feels good to hold. It reminds me of when I was little, and I cradled a dragon egg in my arms and rocked it to sleep. It made muffled grunting noises, as if it enjoyed my lullabies…and…it…

PRESENT NAZZY

Huh?

YEMILINA

Uh…an unhatched dragon. A baby dragon. I wanted it to be my special new friend.

PRESENT NAZZY

That can’t be true.

YEMILINA

Oh course, it can’t! It’s just that I loved that baby dragon, even though everyone told me—

PRESENT NAZZY

You loved a baby dragon? A real one?

YEMILINA

This is starting to strike me as something I haven’t always known, a memory that has abruptly appeared in my past in an unnatural way, though I’ll never understand why changes in my past are not all originally with me all at once.

PRESENT NAZZY

Oh, no…

YEMILINA

Nazzy, what have you done?

PRESENT NAZZY

I don’t know.

YEMILINA

It’s obviously you!

PRESENT NAZZY

I agree, but I don’t know what my future self has done.

YEMILINA

You ought to have full access to all versions of yourself across all timelines, so you can always take responsibility for your actions.

PRESENT NAZZY

My future self will show up eventually and explain.

SOUND: Time Travel – arriving

PRESENT NAZZY

Impeccable timing. Hello, Future Self.

FUTURE NAZZY

Hi.

CHILD YEMILINA

Hi.

SOUND: Rustling dress

YEMILINA

I had a feeling you’d have my child self in tow. Come here, Little Me, you’re not really holding a – (gasp) – you are!

(fearful wail)

SOUND: Patting Egg

CHILD YEMILINA

It’s going to be my good baby dragon. You’ll see.

FUTURE NAZZY

They may not be ready for this, Little Yemmy.

PRESENT NAZZY

How could you let that child hold a dragon egg? It’ll bite her nose off when it hatches.

YEMILINA

(gasp)

That hasn’t suddenly…oh, thank goodness, I still have my nose.

FUTURE NAZZY

Exactly. We’re just here to get some dragon-screen lotion for Little Yemmy. The most effective mixture they ever make is right there in that apothecary wagon.

YEMILINA

Really? Good for them. I feel bad for being so dismissive now.

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on dirt

YEMILINA

Oh, what am I saying?

SOUND: Stomping feet on dirt

SOUND: Muttering merchants

FUTURE NAZZY

Your biggest bottle, please.

SOUND: Coins dropping onto counter

SOUND: Bottle sliding over counter

SOUND: Muttering merchants

FUTURE NAZZY

No, just keep all that gold. Trust me, you’re underpricing it.

YEMILINA

Putting the best dragon-screen lotion in the world on my past self is still like putting a tiny bandage on a gushing wound. You can’t let her hatch a live dragon! Give me that egg!

SOUND: Scuffle

CHILD YEMILINA

Don’t hurt my baby!

YEMILINA

That egg is no baby! This is a baby.

SOUND: bird-baby fussing

YEMILINA

What you have is a monster in progress.

CHILD YEMILINA

Why is Old Me so mean?

FUTURE NAZZY

Now, now, Yemmy, you have the advantage of your sheltered life. Old You has seen more of the world, and she’s allowed to fear what generations before her have feared. You’ll think just like her in another ten—

PRESENT NAZZY

It doesn’t take cynicism to see we all have good reason to fear—

FUTURE NAZZY

I can’t destroy this egg, Past Self. It would break Little Yemmy’s heart.

YEMILINA

Better to risk her hurt feelings than my whole future by getting her killed! Little Me, listen carefully. Dragons are always dangerous. Always! They’re not pets.

CHILD YEMILINA

He is innocent until proven guilty.

YEMILINA

That’s nonsense! He’s guilty by being a dragon. Whatever you feed him, he will smell your fingers behind that, and he’ll want to eat your fingers!

CHILD YEMILINA

Nazzy is going to fix my yummy smell. It’s not his fault he smells things the way he does. And I’m going to give him lots of chew toys for his sharp teeth and lots of—

YEMILINA

—houses to burn down?

CHILD YEMILINA

I’ll train him to make campfires.

YEMILINA

Future Nazzy, have you been exposing my past self to propaganda from the cavepeople’s time? Didn’t Pisanna say their concept of dragons—

FUTURE NAZZY

All over the place, yes. Honestly, this wasn’t my fault. Child You is just very nurturing. Her love for baby creatures could only stay confined to kittens for so long.

SOUND: Muffled grunts

YEMILINA

I can’t believe—

CHILD YEMILINA

Shhh. My baby dragon is talking to me.

SOUND: Patting Egg

CHILD YEMILINA

It’s okay, baby. These are nice people. They’re just a bit cranky.

YEMILINA

Cranky?

SOUND: Patting egg

CHILD YEMILINA

I can’t wait to meet you, my sweet, scaly baby!

YEMILINA

Nazzy – both of you! Get that egg away from my ear – my little ear. I feel like mine are getting chomped off even as I watch. That dragon is going to pop out teeth-first and—

FUTURE NAZZY

It should still be a few days before it hatches. Don’t worry. We have a plan.

YEMILINA

A lotion plan?

FUTURE NAZZY

That’s only step one. By the way, Rose should be here soon. She’s found something that—

YEMILINA

—will help us dissolve the Balloon Brain Anomaly and force Arnold to face reality.

(gasp)

I hate suddenly knowing things like I’ve heard it all said before! I’ve changed my mind. Stop expanding my childhood.

FUTURE NAZZY

I really can’t leave it hanging just yet.

SOUND: Running footsteps

WENOBURT

(panting)

PRESENT NAZZY

Wenoburt? What’s wrong?

WENOBURT

Sir JP!

(panting)

YEMILINA

Oh, no, don’t say his name like that while you’re too out of breath to go on. Please, I can’t take it! What’s happened?

WENOBURT

The pus bugs are coming! They’ll spread a disease that kills dragons. We need to wrap Sir JP in bug netting or else he’ll die!

YEMILINA

(big gasp)

CHILD YEMILINA

My poor baby dragon! You have to save—

YEMILINA

Don’t! Don’t you dare. It’s Sir JP who—

CHILD YEMILINA

Sir JP is a dragon? Then you don’t hate dragons.

YEMILINA

He’s not a dragon. He’s a man in a dragon’s body.

CHILD YEMILINA

My egg is an angel in a dragon’s body. I know he loves me. I sing to him, and he makes happy sounds.

SOUND: Egg touching skin

CHILD YEMILINA

(improv: singing)

SOUND: Muffled grunts

YEMILINA

(frustrated noise)

FUTURE NAZZY

Come along, Little Yemmy. We’ll find a safer spot to wait this out.

SOUND: Time Travel – departing

PRESENT NAZZY

Where would Sir JP be about now?

YEMILINA

Up in the mountains, picking fights with true dragons.

PRESENT NAZZY

We’d better get him into a cave or something. Seal it to block out the bugs.

YEMILINA

Did you say anything else about Rose?

PRESENT NAZZY

You mean did my future self say anything else?

YEMILINA

Well, that’s you. Can’t I just say ‘you’?

PRESENT NAZZY

(sigh)

Sometimes, I don’t want to be associated with me. I still can’t figure out how I get from where I am now to a bitter old crone who wants to upend the whole timeline to stop dragons from ever existing.

YEMILINA

The future’s always changing. The kingdom was headed for early extinction once, and that was knocked off course.

PRESENT NAZZY

I wish I knew how to knock that version of me off course.

YEMILINA

Just don’t be bitter. Whenever dragons get you down, take a deep breath, put a smile on your face and say, ‘If that person is being eaten, it is meant to be. I choose destiny over chaos.’ Besides, if we wipe dragons out now, in the present, where it can’t mess up timelines—

PRESENT NAZZY

I can’t help feeling that must go wrong.

YEMILINA

(sob)

It better go wrong until Sir JP is safely human!

SOUND: Bird-baby fussing

YEMILINA

Shhh, shhh…it’s alright, darling, we’ll find him. Bugs are slow. We’ll get a Pegasus. You don’t mind, do you, Nazzy? I’d much rather we didn’t risk time travel with my bird-baby. You don’t have a perfect record.

PRESENT NAZZY

If we’re too late to stop the disease, I’ll jump back on my own.

YEMILINA

Yes, excellent idea.

WENOBURT

I can see Rose. She’s flying this way.

SOUND: Distant fairy wings

YEMILINA

We’ll meet her in the air. Come on.

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on dirt

WENOBURT

I’m coming, too!

SOUND: Child running on dirt

SOUND: Pegasus whinny

YEMILINA

This big one, please, for three…and a bit…riders.

SOUND: Bird-baby giggle

SOUND: Merchant muttering

YEMILINA

Is it five gold for the day?

SOUND: Merchant muttering

SOUND: Coins dropping onto counter

SOUND: Coins sliding off counter

YEMILINA

Thank you. Don’t forget your helmet, darling.

SOUND: Helmet fastening

SOUND: Bird-baby fussing

SOUND: Pegasus whinny

WENOBURT

I want to be in the front.

SOUND: Saddle movement

PRESENT NAZZY

We’ll need to switch vivicords. Let’s say goodbye to the cave people.

SOUND: Saddle movement

YEMILINA

Farewell, cave people of the future. Thank you for listening. If my favourite dragon is not — is not – (breaks off crying)

SOUND: Saddle movement

PRESENT NAZZY

If all participants in this documentary are not terminated in some way, you’ll soon hear more. Wish us luck.

SOUND: Closing theme music