S4 E1: Yummy Explosions

While Arnold gets to know Cameron the baker, Nazzy is having less luck with Teloopa, who would rather blow up anything bothering her than face her problems.

Written and produced by Jennifer Lott

Voice Actors:

Shannon Rea as Nazzy

Devon Flynn as Cameron

Tegan Lott as Teloopa

Kyle Doering as Arnold

Owen Lott as Wenoburt

Lisa Van Gool as Pisanna

Ivy Lott as Child Yemilina

Nicole Stoner as Enelcia

Jennifer Lott as Yemilina

Transcript

SOUND: Opening theme music

INT. BAKERY

SOUND: Bakery ambiance

SOUND: Loaves wrapped

CAMERON

I have your bread, Enelcia.

SOUND: Loaves set down

CAMERON

And one without the currents for your daughter.

SOUND: Baby babble

ENELCIA

Thanks, Cameron.

SOUND: Loaves lifted

SOUND: Vivicord

ENELCIA

And thanks for taking the vivicord. I’m sure the cavepeople of the future will appreciate hearing your perspective.

CAMERON

Sure. No problem. If I’m not interesting, you can delete the recording.

ENELCIA

(inhale and satisfied sigh)

Mm, I wish our listeners could smell your bread. Have a great day!

SOUND: Footsteps on wooden floor – fading out

CAMERON

You, too. Take care now. Don’t get eaten.

SOUND: Door opening with shop bell

SOUND: Door closing

SOUND: Footsteps on wooden floor – fading in

CAMERON

What can I get you, Sir?

ARNOLD

Hi. I was wondering if you might want some of these back?

SOUND: Objects placed on counter

ARNOLD

You see, I’ve recently started living in your old cottage, where you used to run this bakery, and I—

CAMERON

Wait a minute. Hold still.

ARNOLD

What? Why?

SOUND: Drawer opening

CAMERON

Ah-hah!

SOUND: Scroll unrolling

ARNOLD

I-is that a painting of…me?

CAMERON

You’re Arnold the caveman. Madman from the future. Rayoon warned me you were still among us.

ARNOLD

Rayoon…the druid? Did she draw this?

CAMERON

Yes, good likeness, isn’t it?

ARNOLD

(sigh)

I should have known she didn’t sink quietly into a new tree. Whatever she told you—

CAMERON

Nothing you found in my cottage is subject to sue. Here in Wilzerlott, we have a broken monarchy. No version of your sue-archy is going to replace that.

ARNOLD

I’m not trying to replace anything.

CAMERON

That’s not what I hear from customers who visited the same taverns as you.

ARNOLD

I swear suing is not a system I’m pushing for. It’s just something I used to think about in my old life. When I drink ale, I think with my mouth. That’s all.

SOUND: Objects shifting on counter

CAMERON

So what’s wrong with my old equipment? Too rusty for your free house?

ARNOLD

No, no, no, I appreciate the, uh…the opportunity to use these things if you really don’t need them. I just thought—

CAMERON

If I wanted them, I would have brought them with me when I moved.

ARNOLD

Right, well, to tell you the truth, I’m a little nervous about touching them the wrong way. They obviously have magical properties.

CAMERON

Ah, yes, magic scares you, doesn’t it? You’re only used to fire and paint.

ARNOLD

I had more than that. I didn’t actually live in a cave.

CAMERON

But you didn’t have magic, did you?

ARNOLD

No. Can you tell me how to use these? Or if they’re dangerous, uh, how to safely dispose of them?

CAMERON

I sell baked goods, not magic lessons. I suggest you visit the giant village.

ARNOLD

Oh, I’d rather not meet the giants.

CAMERON

Why not? 

ARNOLD

Well, I know I got the wrong impression of them once. I understand it’s in my head. It’s just that they’re so…so…

CAMERON

Patient? Kind? Remarkably tolerant of ignorant ninnies from distant eras?

ARNOLD

I was going to say ‘big.’ They’re uncomfortably huge.

CAMERON

Good grief. I wish you’d been around when we had tiny EEK plaguing the kingdom. They’d be a great comeuppance for a size-est fool like you.

ARNOLD

Look, I ran across unshielded land to come speak to you. Since I wasn’t snatched off the ground by a hungry dragon, I think I should get some direct answers without all this judgment.

SOUND: Door opening with shop bell

SOUND: Door closing

SOUND: Croaking frogs

SOUND: Hopping frogs

CAMERON

You can’t have meetings in here. Shoo!

ARNOLD

Meetings?

SOUND: Croaking frogs

SOUND: Hopping frogs

ARNOLD

(gasp)

Are those Teloopa’s ex-boyfriends?

CAMERON

Yes, and I’ve told them before I can’t host support groups that conflict with my business.

ARNOLD

Your customers don’t seem to mind. I don’t see anyone leaving their table.

CAMERON

It’s not my customers. It’s the dragon-proof walls.

ARNOLD

What?

CAMERON

You better not host their group either. Your new house has the same problem.

ARNOLD

The same…oh! You mean because Teloopa is the sorceress who dragon-proofed the place? And this place. You owe her your safety. I can see how that...well...

SOUND: Croaking frogs

SOUND: Hopping frogs

ARNOLD

Now that you mention it, I should feel guilty that I’m benefiting from her magic. Isn’t one of her exes still a teapot?

CAMERON

Yes, lucky bloke. No dragon will ever so much as nibble off his toes now.

ARNOLD

How is that good when it’s because he doesn’t have toes? Or limbs! Or eyes! Or—

CAMERON

Adopting a sad teapot sounds like a good project for you. Off you go.

SOUND: Rapidly croaking frogs

SOUND: Paper rustling

CAMERON

What’s this?

ARNOLD

What are they trying to give you?

CAMERON

Alright, I’ll take it.

SOUND: Paper snatch

ARNOLD

What does it say?

SOUND: Rapidly croaking frogs

CAMERON

Shut up. This is outdated. It means nothing.

SOUND: Paper slid across counter

ARNOLD

What are they trying to tell you?

CAMERON

Never mind.

ARNOLD

Um, frog-man? Do you mind if I read it?

SOUND: Frog croak

CAMERON

He says leave it alone.

ARNOLD

Nuh-uh. I don’t believe you speak frog.

CAMERON

Says the caveman from a time when people couldn’t be frogs.

SOUND: Frog croak

ARNOLD

Mm, still think he said, ‘go ahead.’

SOUND: Paper rustling

ARNOLD

‘Subjects to be frogged’…Pisanna is on this list!

CAMERON

Who’s Pisanna?

ARNOLD

You should know. If you go anywhere, you walk by her stained-glass windows all the time.

CAMERON

I don’t bother memorizing artist names. They get eaten sooner than people who don’t daydream so much.

ARNOLD

Oh, it’s that ‘transform to protect’ excuse, is it? Why isn’t everyone teapots and frogs, so the meat of their true forms won’t attract dragons?

CAMERON

Don’t be ridiculous. That’s a list of criminals. Frogging was our criminal system for a brief time.

ARNOLD

Pisanna is not a criminal.

CAMERON

A vandal, apparently. And I stocked up on phoenix eggs, which aren’t technically allowed.

ARNOLD

You’re on this list? Where?

CAMERON

You’d know if you bothered to ask my name.

SOUND: Door opening with shop bell

SOUND: Door closing

SOUND: Footsteps on wooden floor

PISANNA

Good morning, Cameron.

ARNOLD

Cameron.

CAMERON

That’s cheating.

PISANNA

Arnold! I wasn’t following you, I promise. You don’t usually—

ARNOLD

Don’t worry about that. Your name is on the frog-sentencing list. Look!

PISANNA

What?

SOUND: Paper rustling

PISANNA

(gasp)

CAMERON

We were both on a list of criminals Teloopa was ordered to turn into frogs. The queen either pardoned us at the last minute, or Teloopa disobeyed her.

SOUND: Paper rustling

PISANNA

How did you get this?

ARNOLD

Teloopa’s frog-men brought it to him. They must think you’re still in danger.

CAMERON

They always think I’m in danger. Just ignore them.

PISANNA

What about me? Am I being targeted?

CAMERON

I don’t think Teloopa cares one way or the other if you’re a frog, and the queen’s no threat anymore.

ARNOLD

Why do they always think you’re in danger, Cameron? What does that mean?

SOUND: Rapidly croaking frogs

CAMERON

Shut up!

SOUND: Fist banging on counter

CAMERON

She only likes my cakes. It’s nothing!

SOUND: Explosion rising

PISANNA

(gasp)

They think Teloopa likes—

SOUND: Cakes exploding

SOUND: Bakery ambiance ends

SOUND: Crowd shock

CAMERON

My cakes!

SOUND: Cakes splattering walls

SOUND: Crowd ambiance – disgusted, anxious

ARNOLD

Holy dragon dung! Was that me? I think my elbow knocked that old equipment of yours. No wonder you didn’t want it! I’m so sorry—

CAMERON

You didn’t do a thing. That pan is for storage. The sifter is an air filter. The rest are utensils for extra help. None of them make cakes explode.

ARNOLD

Storage? Air filter? Extra…you make them sound ordinary. I can see glowy magic all over—

CAMERON

Yes, bottomless storage. Filters poison air into breathable. Extra hands materialize and work independently. I didn’t think I had to spell out that there were spells involved.

ARNOLD

Breathe poison? With a sifter? Why would you leave a superpower like that behind?

CAMERON

I can’t sift with it anymore.

SOUND: Footsteps on wooden floor

ARNOLD

Pisanna, maybe you shouldn’t open—

PISANNA

There’s something fading in the sky. Come see.

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps on wooden floor

SOUND: Muffled magic sizzling

SOUND: Window opening

SOUND: Louder magic sizzling – fading out

SOUND: Marketplace ambiance

PISANNA

That sizzling light looks exactly like what Teloopa’s staff does when she casts big spells. Do you think she’s close?

ARNOLD

Nazzy told me she found her.

SOUND: Window closing

SOUND: Marketplace ambiance ends

CAMERON

Where?

ARNOLD

Just at home. I guess she was away for a while, but she’s staying close to her store cupboards now, because she’s consumed with potion inventing.

CAMERON

Nazzy may be the only one who can talk to her. Wish I knew how it was going.

PISANNA

We’ll get the blow by blow soon enough. Nazzy is bound to bring a vivicord.

ARNOLD

Oh, yes, we’ll put that account right here, dear listeners from my former kingdom.

CAMERON

You had a king?

ARNOLD

Hopefully not anymore.

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

CAMERON

Stop recording my messy bakery. We’re switching vivicords.

SOUND: Vivicord cuts out

EXT. TELOOPA’S COTTAGE

SOUND: Vivicord start up

SOUND: Forest ambiance with frogs – continuous

SOUND: Forest ambiance with birds – continuous

SOUND: Bubbling potion – continuous

SOUND: Vivicord walking

TELOOPA

Who sent you? I’m not part of—

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

TELOOPA

Whatever. Just stay out of my way.

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Short sizzling blast

SOUND: Cake explosions

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt

SOUND: Door opening

SOUND: Footsteps on wooden floor

SOUND: Cupboard door opening

SOUND: Cake scraps falling

TELOOPA

What the hell is this?

SOUND: Cupboard door slamming

SOUND: Footsteps on wooden floor

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt

TELOOPA

Rocks! Turn my cake into rocks! Was I too subtle? Rocks like these!

SOUND: Throwing rocks

TELOOPA

(grunts of exertion)

SOUND: Rocks hitting cauldron

SOUND: Cauldron tipping

TELOOPA

Okay, okay, don’t spill.

(calming breath)

I’ll just do it bigger.

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Long sizzling blast – fading out

SOUND: Cakes exploding – distant

TELOOPA

Well, that one went at least halfway across the marketplace.

SOUND: Follow-Spell vision – spell building

TELOOPA

Follow that spell. Show me.

SOUND: Follow-Spell vision – spell building

TELOOPA

Come on, show me!

SOUND: Follow-Spell vision – spell completed

SOUND: Forest ambiance and bubbling potion ends

SOUND: Follow-Spell vision ambiance

SOUND: Door opening with shop bell

SOUND: Door closing

SOUND: Light footsteps on wooden floor

CHILD YEMILINA

Aww, why are all the cakes exploded? I wanted to get Norbert a birthday cake and teach him how to light the candles.

CAMERON                                                                     

I don’t condone dragon raising, Little Yemmy.

CHILD YEMILINA

Is that why you blew up the cakes right when I was coming to get one?

CAMERON

No, that wasn’t me. Teloopa seems to be experimenting. Why don’t you come back tomorrow – maybe just to get some cakes for yourself?

CHILD YEMILINA

My baby dragon wants a cake. You’re making him sad.

CAMERON

Could you at least come as your adult self? I find her easier to argue with.

CHILD YEMILINA

Grownup me has a bird-baby. You should get seed cakes ready for her.

CAMERON

Tell her to come tomorrow.

SOUND: Light footsteps on wooden floor

CAMERON

Hey, don’t touch that. That’s just a fluffy scrap of cake. Don’t eat—

SOUND: Chewing

CHILD YEMILINA

Mmm, your exploded cake actually tastes good. It’s so sweet. You should explode them more often.

TELOOPA

(frustrated noise)

SOUND: Follow-Spell vision ambiance ends

SOUND: Forest ambiance and bubbling potion resume

TELOOPA

Sweet? Sweet! NO! Rocks! Useless, dirty rocks – that’s what cakes are. Why won’t this work?

SOUND: Footstep on dirt

TELOOPA

(grunt of exertion)

SOUND: Kicking cauldron

SOUND: Cauldron crashing

SOUND: Cauldron spilling

SOUND: Bubbling potion ends

TELOOPA

(frustrated noise)

I’m starting over.

SOUND: Setting cauldron upright

SOUND: Water spell

SOUND: Bubbling potion

SOUND: Rummaging on tray

TELOOPA

(mumbling improv)

SOUND: Clinking glasses

SOUND: Unscrewing lids

SOUND: Pouring powders

SOUND: Mortar and pestle

SOUND: Pouring liquid

SOUND: Stirring potion

TELOOPA

And now a sap-poisoned blood sample.

SOUND: Summoning spell

SOUND: Sap bug buzzing

SOUND: Sap bug bite

TELOOPA

Before that venom hits me, I better—

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Vivicord body slam

SOUND: Vivicord yelp

SOUND: Long overlapping banishing spell

SOUND: Birds flying away

SOUND: Vivicord rolling on grass

SOUND: Vivicord walking

SOUND: Birds – fading out

SOUND: Forest ambiance – wind only

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt – fading in

NAZZY

There you are. You got ahead of me. What…hey…what happened to all the birdsong? I can’t hear any animals.

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

NAZZY

She banished every animal in the area? Why?

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

NAZZY

You’re right. I should talk to her myself.

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt

SOUND: Vivicord walking

SOUND: Bubbling potion – fading in

NAZZY

Hi, Teloopa. It’s good to see you.

TELOOPA

No, it’s not. You’ve been watching me in crystals that show the rise of villainous forces. You think I’m going to the dark side ’cause I wrecked some mermaid party in my new Poet’s Breath Grove.

NAZZY

It’s not your grove. And you have to admit—

TELOOPA

No, I don’t. I have to banish you. Pull up a chair by my cauldron. I’ll get you some tea. Would you like some tea?

NAZZY

What’s wrong with your sarcasm? You sound…

TELOOPA

Ignore me. I’m sap-poisoned. Get out of my yard! Cream or sugar in your tea? How was your day?

(frustrated noise)

NAZZY

Ah. Just the one sap bite, was it? You seem to be doing okay with fighting the hospitable side effects.

TELOOPA

Thank you. Come in for a drink. I’ll throw a fresh salad together for you, vivicord.

SOUND: Vivicord walking

TELOOPA

Stay away from my home, Bark Breath! I banished you for a reason.

SOUND: Vivicord yelp

NAZZY

Before all the creatures you banished start crawling, hopping and flying back over here, how about we talk? What have you been up to? What are you planning?

TELOOPA

I’m going to destroy the world, of course. Stand back and watch it burn.

NAZZY

But—

TELOOPA

I’m sorry. I won’t make you stand. Let me get you a comfy armchair.

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt

TELOOPA

I’m actually moving to get you a chair! Ugh, this wasn’t worth it!

SOUND: Kicking cauldron

SOUND: Potion splashing

NAZZY

That cut on your arm…are you using your own sap-poisoned blood in a potion? Why?

TELOOPA

You’re here to learn about antidotes? I can teach you. More tea? Where’s that chair I was going to…?

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt

TELOOPA

Stop it, feet! No chair for the enemy!

NAZZY

I’m not your enemy.

TELOOPA

You’ve threatened my existence. I give you enough time to wrestle with your conscience, you’ll justify carrying out that threat. You’ve got me all figured out, right?

NAZZY

Not at all. That’s why I’m here. I want to understand. Ever since you hurt Wenoburt—

TELOOPA

You’re still whining about that? Would you like cheese with your wine? I have wine. No, I don’t! Not for you!

NAZZY

I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt—

TELOOPA

Sure, I did. I’m evil.

NAZZY

Sometimes. But Wenoburt isn’t an ex-boyfriend. You’re generally not so terrible to every—

TELOOPA

Everyone, actually, yes, I am. Don’t complicate my perfect life. I will obliterate you. Is your tea cold? Should I heat it up?

NAZZY

You didn’t get me tea.

TELOOPA

Of course I didn’t! I don’t care if you’re thirsty! And I don’t care that some kid hit my spell with his spilled guts.

NAZZY

I don’t believe you.                                   

TELOOPA

Okay, then, let me fix my tone. Just a second…ooo, Wenoburt got gutted and had to change his body. Oh, he’s an indestructible goofball that won’t shut up about it? Boo-hoo, poor little powerhouse. He misses his breakable bones so much.

NAZZY

You didn’t know when you attacked him that it would turn out well. He could have died.

TELOOPA

In case you’ve forgotten, he’s died before. You’re the one who keeps messing up that destiny.

NAZZY

He’s not destined to get killed by a friend. You can do better.

TELOOPA

Excuse me? What did you just call me?

NAZZY

I didn’t call you anything.

TELOOPA

Yes, you did – “friend.” Wash your mouth! I am no one’s friend!

SOUND: Cleaning spell

SOUND: Soap bubbling – continuous

NAZZY

(sputtering)

“Friend” is not a dirty word.

(sputtering)

Stop it!

TELOOPA

Aww, you don’t like soap bubbles in your mouth? Should have thought of that before you started calling me names.

NAZZY

(sputtering)

I’ll be back.

SOUND: Time travel – departing

TELOOPA

(dismissive noise)

Coward. Bet she’s gone running to Chabelle for a counter-curse. Oh, well, back to letting my genius simmer.

SOUND: Stirring potion

SOUND: Time travel – arriving

TELOOPA

Oh, Nazzy, you forgot your tea. Damn it!

NAZZY

Okay, Teloopa, I will ignore every nice thing you say under the influence of that sap bug bite. But I reserve the right to remind you of times you were wholly yourself and you still did good things.

TELOOPA

You’re awfully small for an intervention. Shouldn’t there be multiple versions of you to give me those stink eyes?

NAZZY

If you’d tell me a little bit more about what you’re doing, maybe this wouldn’t have to feel like I’m talking at you. I want to hear what you’ve got to say.

TELOOPA

Okay, I’ll say it…boom!

NAZZY

What?

TELOOPA

Am I not saying it clearly? How about—

SOUND: Explosive spell

NAZZY

(scream)

SOUND: Shuffling footsteps

TELOOPA

You like that? Huh? Only so many trees to hide behind…then you go up in atoms next!

SOUND: Explosive spell

SOUND: Tree breaking

NAZZY

(yelp)

SOUND: Shuffling footsteps

NAZZY

You’re that scared to have a real conversation with me?

TELOOPA

Scared people don’t vaporize time travellers. I am taking on a worthy opponent and wooping her over-thinking butt.

NAZZY

Under-thinking won’t get you out of this talk. I’ll catch you later.

TELOOPA

Don’t you dare time-jump! We’re not done!

SOUND: Explosive spell

SOUND: Shuffling footsteps

SOUND: Tree breaking

NAZZY

Well, if you’re just making repeated attempts to vaporize me, the documentary will get a bit stale. Farewell, cavepeople of the—

TELOOPA

Nope. Hello, cavepeople! Hello, hello, hell-boom!

SOUND: Explosive spell

SOUND: Shuffling footsteps

SOUND: Tree breaking

NAZZY

Really? You’re even mad I’m saying goodbye to the cavepeople?

TELOOPA

Yep. Show’s still going. Listen to me destroy the forest, losers! You have nothing better to do and you know it!

SOUND: Explosive spell

SOUND: Shuffling footsteps

SOUND: Trees breaking

SOUND: Vivicord chatter

NAZZY

No, don’t worry about it. Yemilina has a vivicord, too. She’ll give them a pleasant wrap up speech.

SOUND: Vivicord cut out

EXT. BAKERY

SOUND: Vivicord start up

SOUND: Marketplace ambiance

SOUND: Bird-baby cries

YEMILINA

Oh, there, there, I’ll get you a treat. He can’t be closing this early. Why is there hardly anyone—

SOUND: Door opening with shop bell

SOUND: Door closing

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt

YEMILINA

Oh, child me! Oh no. Little me, I really think we’re encountering each other too often. Arnold says we ought to be exploding by now – paradox rules. What if he’s right and we’ve just been very lucky? What if our luck runs out?

CHILD YEMILINA

It’s the bakery that’s exploding. Not us.

YEMILINA

What? The bakery hasn’t – what are you talking about?

CHILD YEMILINA

All the cakes exploded. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.

SOUND: Footsteps on dirt – fading out

SOUND: Bird-baby cries

SOUND: Cartoon flying

WENOBURT

Did I hear something about explosions? Wanna see me explode? Yeah, you do!

(improv)

SOUND: Cartoon exploding

WENOBURT

(improv)

YEMILINA

Shoo, Wenoburt. This has nothing to do with you.

WENOBURT

I can reach anything that has nothing to do with me! I am a cartoon that has stretchy arms and can move his neck to the moon!

SOUND: Cartoon stretching

WENOBURT

(improv)

YEMILINA

Yes, I know you love your new life, but I didn’t get my seed cakes, and I’m tired and I just—

WENOBURT

That baby grew in your magic dove tummy. He must have superpowers!

SOUND: Bird-baby babble

YEMILINA

(laugh)

What a ridiculous assumption! That fluke in my pregnancy only gave him some feathers. He’s mostly human.

WENOBURT

Or mostly superhuman! Let’s find out by—

SOUND: Cartoon throwing

YEMILINA

What are you doing?

WENOBURT

I’m going to shock out that superpower with my wild moves. My gusto. My pazazz!

SOUND: Cartoon bonk

WENOBURT

Whimsical, wacky things!

SOUND: Bird-baby cries

YEMILINA

But he’s just a few months old. You’re putting too much pressure on him.

WENOBURT

Come on, bird-baby, show me what you’ve got! Am I scary?

(improv)

SOUND: Scary cartoon cymbal

SOUND: Evil cartoon laugh

SOUND: Bird-baby cries

WENOBURT

Fight me! Fly! Shoot feather-darts through my elastical body!

(improv)

SOUND: Cartoon rubber wobble

WENOBURT

(improv)

SOUND: Bird-baby cries

WENOBURT

Am I pretty? Am I fun? Catch me, catch me!

(improv)

SOUND: Cartoon rolling and slipping

YEMILINA

Stop it! You’ll just upset him. He’s not—

(gasp)

SOUND: Blowing feathers

SOUND: Wind whip

SOUND: Baby giggle

YEMILINA

Uh…goodbye, cavepeople of the future. Thank you for listening. If—

WENOBURT

How can you say goodbye now? Tell them about your superbaby!

YEMILINA

No, no, no, not when I’m about to have a fit of hysterics. I don’t want them to hear that. They’re so used to my perfectly calm and steady voice.

(throat clearing)

If we are not burned by dragons—

WENOBURT

Or wind-whipped by superbabies!

SOUND: Cartoon whip

YEMILINA

You shall soon hear more. Wish us luck.

SOUND: Closing theme music