In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara talked about moving forward after loss and trauma.
The 3 C’s
Christy and Ciara talked about how moving forward can be so hard, but having healthy relationships with significant others and friends and family can be achieved after loss and trauma.
They talked about how, even while using healthy tools, a relationship can still struggle in unspoken ways.
The 3 C’s are perfect examples of how to continue building and growing within your relationships effectively. How we use these can vary from relationship to relationship, but it is essential to recognize them.
Choose - How can this help you heal? How can you move forward? What can you choose to do to make healthy steps forward?
Connect - How can you connect to yourself on a deeper level? Have you avoided a deeper connection with loved ones? What can you do to help connect and understand relationships?
Communicate - This is something we all can struggle with. We shut down because it is easier to not talk about our feelings and thoughts. How about instead, we communicate those feelings? It doesn’t always have to be spoken words. Even writing them down is communicating them. You should even be communicating within yourself. It is ok to talk to yourself. It is healthy to let feelings out.
So, how can you incorporate the three Cs into your life? What can you change to grow in your relationships?
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Getting Blue Grit
In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy had a profound discussion with Eric Tung, a highly respected police commander, department wellness coordinator, and peer support leader. They delved into the crucial topic of open conversations and the need to normalize processing the events that occur at work and home, a subject Eric is particularly well-versed.
Blue Grit Wellness
Eric, has been straightforward with the need to have conversations about the effects of the job, both at work and home. Leading by example, he shares the grit of the blue on the mindset with anyone who will listen. Change has to start somewhere. Moving up the ladder from Seargent to Commander, Tung still remains in the same mindset of work-out for your body, and process for your mind. This is a hard task for any first responder, but as a leader, it needs to continue regardless of what stripe you wear.
Family
Raising children in a family that is exposed to traumatic events is a feat in itself. Teaching resilience, self-awareness, and how to make it normal to have feelings, is even more difficult in today’s world. Eric and his wife are taking the tools they have learned and giving them to their child every day. Healthy minds, make healthy children.
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In today’s Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara talked with Greg Podolak, a blended clinician for first responders at Halfwild Counseling.
The Calling to Help
Greg’s story is inspiring and humbling at the same time. Greg came from a family of first responders and had his sights set on being a police officer. His dad was a New York City officer who served on 9/11. His brother is also an officer. However, during his schooling, his mindset changed. He already knew the other side of the badge, but his eyes were opened more, and that is when he decided to go into the mental health side of helping our first responders. Greg is also a director at VALE Virginia Law Enforcement Foundation. He is also an instructor at REBOOT Recovery, a program for first responders and veterans to help heal PTSD and trauma so they can live healthier lives.
While in school, he worked in conjunction with the EMS office to study cumulative trauma within the EMS field. This really opened his eyes to the traumas that occurred daily for first responders. He even noticed himself holding on to the traumas and unable to cope with them at times. This helped pave the way for him to help officers in the field.
A blended clinician is one that practices in the office, but also in the field. Greg does many ride-alongs with officers to assist with traumatic calls, bridge that gap from a “therapist,” and gain the officers' trust to help them process their traumas on the job.
Greg found his passion in helping first responders, understanding their traumas, and wanting to change how they perceive a clinician. He talks about the “out of the normal” ways he works with the men and women of the community and how he believes this helps the trust he is earning from them.
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Reboot Recovery VALE Foundation
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara talked with Elizabeth Fiorenza, Anaheim Firefighters Association.
Is This The End?
In this episode, Christy and Ciara continue the conversation with Elizabeth about her and Matty’s relationship, her personal struggles, and what may have been the end.
Elizabeth recalls the day Matty had tried to take his life, and she had decisions to make. Death or divorce. Elizabeth knew Matty needed help but was also learning she needed help herself. She needed to get healthy, and that day, she decided to leave. She moved out of their home and started the path of her own program and healing from her traumas. She talks in depth about how she struggled so much with the next phase of her and Matty, she didn’t want to be a victim but also didn’t want to end her marriage because she knew Matty was good he was just sick.
Chicago Reset
We hear about Elizabeth’s experience going to Chicago and having the treatment Stellate Ganglion Block at Stella Center to have the Stellate Ganglion Block treatment with Matty. The good, bad, and ugly of the trip and how successful it was. She found herself alone in a dangerous city because of anger with Matty. Elizabeth talks about the shot and her “tough neck” with the treatment. She tells us how amazing it was; she was able to stop people pleasing and really stop to smell the roses. Elizabeth tells us about how a walk around Lake Michigan changed her, and she was able to heal from a deep-rooted pain within her and the adoption of her first daughter.
We learn about personal health problems Elizabeth had faced and how a little gift happened in Chicago, Ultimately, it changed her path and her desire to be healthier and healthier within their marriage.
She knew that they both had a lot of work to do bringing a child into the world, and they both needed to really work their programs to move forward healing.
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Stellate Ganglion Block Treatment
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara talked with Elizabeth Fiorenza, Anaheim Firefighters Association.
The Past Comes Forward
In this episode, Christy and Ciara had hard and raw talks with Elizabeth about how her past trauma came forward to a head with her relationship with Matty and how she worked through her traumas, both the past and present, to be part of the change in their marriage.
Elizabeth shared some emotional and painful memories of her childhood and how those “molded and shaped” who she was and what she thought love and life were. The life experiences she went through, even as a child, unfortunately, taught her unhealthy coping skills, addictions, and codependency. While so many of us can resonate with it, we each have our journeys. Elizabeth talks about how her relationship with Matty started and how unhealthy they both were from the beginning, but how she truly felt she was helping him. Elizabeth talks about how she lost family members and didn’t even want to hear what anyone had to say about Matty and her relationship and all the red flags.
Elizabeth shared the absolute and ugly truths about her and Matty’s dysfunction and how she coped with the relationship, even as she was starting to see how unhealthy it was. They stuck through the mud and began the process of healing separately and together.
***Note that this is a two-part episode. With so much to talk with Elizabeth about, we decided to split it up. So please join us next week to hear the rest of our conversation about Elizabeth, her journey, and her next steps.
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara talked with Matthew Fiorenza retired City of Anaheim Firefighter.
Struggles, Resilience, and Purpose
During his years at the Anaheim Fighter Department, Matty Fiorenza has learned to overcome and find strength in resiliency. He opened up about the traumas and battles he fought within himself. Matty shared the failures in his personal life because of addiction and PTSD and the consequences of it, along with not being able to face his traumas. Fiorenza has an angel on his side, his wife has helped him so tremendously through the darkest times, and how she even saved his life. Matty has since retired and now dedicates his time to helping others. Matty attended Recovery First, a First Responder Treatment Center, to combat the addiction and start working through the traumas.
PTSD911
While listening, you may recognize Matty or his story, as he is the firefighter featured in PTSD911. If you haven’t seen the movie, you should not just watch it for first responders but for all. We spoke about how important it is for people to understand the traumas they go through daily and that seeking help is so important. Matty talked about the different events documented in the film, along with the passing of his good friend, dispatcher Nicole Ford, EOW 8-2-23.
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara spoke to Craig Lewis, former police officer and co-founder of Guardian Garage
A Wake Up
We had the pleasure of meeting Craig, former police officer for Maricopa County Sheriff Office where he served for 24 years. He spoke on how he used unhealthy tools after a shift, while knowing what he was doing but not knowing really how to change it. Craig had his own lingering issues from incidents on the job that were affecting his everyday life. Craig’s wife had “that” talk with him.
Guardian Garage
Craig and his brother Rob were together one day looking over Craig’s “hobby space” and came up with the idea of Guardian Garage. Rob served 12 years in the Army which included deployments. He too knew the effects of PTSD and how it affected lives. So the idea was to build a place where first responders and veterans can go and start a healing journey using the brain and hands in a healthy and creative way.
As Craig tells us about the mission to serve first responders and veterans their idea came to fruition, and then grew. He talks about how they are planning to expand past just working on cars, and metal work. But to start in the wood working, and ceramics. Any creative ways to bring the ones who need it in and give them a hobby.
They both had the passion and knowledge of just how hard it can be to work through the stresses and traumas from their callings to serve. Craig explains to us the garage and how it has helped others heal. Some come with never picking up a tool ever, and some bring experience. But all collaboratively they start a new journey. As Guardian Garage’s page says “Where Cars are more than metal - they’re a means to restore lives and ignite hope”.
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara spoke to Kelly Klaber, a First HELP family member.
A Mother’s Pain
To say we had the honor of speaking to Kelly is an understatement. This was the first time since Brittany took her life that she has told their story.
February 12th 2017 a mother’s worst nightmare unfolded. Kelly was notified that Brittany had died by suicide. Kelly shared with us how her days and weeks unfolded after. What she learned about Brittany’s mental state and how Brittany didn't want her to know how much she was struggling.
Kelly found out after receiving Brittany’s phone that Brittany had reached out to the crisis line but was put on hold so she never was able to talk to anyone. She was trying so hard to help herself and seek help. She was having trouble with her medication, she was reaching out and talking about how she was feeling. So what happened? We may never know, but we all agreed the lack of training for a mental health crisis within the department(s) was apparent. She said “keywords”, and had that been a civilian on a call there was a protocol in place. But, for a dispatcher in mental crisis, there was nothing.
The Department’s Grief
Kelly shared with us the supervisor and how she tried to help Brittany with the tools she had. How they spoke about Brittany’s mindset and the supervisor cared about Brittany. She shared the EAP information with Brittany and respected what was asked of her not to do. We talked about how Brittany’s suicide could have affected her, and we hope she carries no guilt.
We commend Brittany’s department, Georgetown Scott County, for all they did for the family. They honored her just the way she deserved, and helped the family with true compassion. They continue to honor and remember Brittany to this day.
This is something all departments should be doing after they lose a first responder to suicide. Their death should never be treated differently than another first responder’s death. PTSD (I) are real and these are the conversations we need to be having on how to prevent more suicide. How we can be helping those who are struggling and helping them see that they are not alone. We need to see more training established in departments on how to recognize mental struggles amongst their co-workers, listen for those keywords, and give the space for people to say “I am not ok, I need help.”
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara enjoyed talking to Chaplain Chaz Blackburn, a Nevada chaplain who advocates for First Responders and their family's mental wellness.
Being a Chaplain
According to Chaz, being a Chaplain has done more for him personally than it has done for our community. He states this because, as he is raising his daughter, he has been able to take some of the tools he has learned and use them not only to decompress but also to teach her how to express her emotions healthily. Grief is something that everyone experiences, even children. Navigating what causes grief and what tools to use has helped. When his daughter lost her hedge to cancer, she had the tools that gave her the ability to work through the loss.
Chaz speaks openly about being a chaplain and what trials and tribulations come, including sadness and trauma. He talked about how they serve their first responders in their community, along with how they serve each other after traumatic experiences and calls, so they, too, can decompress and not compound their emotions.
Great Basin Chaplain Corp
Great Basin Chaplain Corp is where Chaz found his calling, serving as a Chaplain and wanting to help make a difference in his community through compassion, speaking out, and serving, with his undeniable calling to help others during difficult times. Unfortunately, there is a need for more chaplains. Whether a civilian or first responder, chaplains are as needed as first responders, and the shortages are real.
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara had a conversation about a quote from a police chief that they read and how that mindset does damage to first responders.
Words Can Sting
“Our focus is to get our officers back to work where they can put it behind them the best they can” was a direct quote from a police chief after 3 officers were involved in a shooting and the suspect died. Of course, the focus is for officers to get back to work, but that shouldn’t be the focus, and that is part of the stigma.
Allowing first responders to have the space to heal and go through their emotions is a gift that any chief could give them. Helping the first responder go through the trauma and providing healthy tools is an essential part of ending the stigma. Not only does it help the first responder, but it helps the family behind the badge. They, too, can learn the valuable tools to support their first responder. It also helps the coworkers, and they will see it is ok not to be ok; it is ok to ask for help.
These are the stigmas we are talking about. Change doesn’t always have to happen from the top; you can be the change. A group of you can be the change. Words are a powerful tool, and using them to stand up for your mental health is ok.
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara thought they would change it up to give listeners great ways to get involved in their community and beyond.
Giving Back
Giving back to your community or something you hold near and dear to your heart can be a healthy and rewarding life experience. Simple gestures for your local first responders up to volunteering at your local TIPS organization are all great things. Support your local AFSP walks to help end suicide; create a team and walk in solidarity.
Find what brings you happiness without overstepping your personal health boundaries! Whether in person or monetary, all aspects of volunteering matter, and what helps organizations continue on!
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First HELP NAMI American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Gary Sinise Foundation Trauma Intervention Program Volunteer Match
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First H.E.L.P.
In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara had the pleasure to speak to Amy Row. The wife of former police officer Vance Row whom we had on the show previously.
The Hard Talks
We got to meet Vance and hear his story last week, and today we got to meet his wife Amy. As we always say “we are here to have a conversation” and that is just what Amy did with Vance to help save him.
Amy shared what it was like when Vance was going through his hard mental and physical times. How their lives had changed and the peaks and valleys. Amy shared all their vulnerable times and realizes now just how grateful she is for having that open communication with her husband. We had the hard conversations about her feelings and emotions, and even trust through the hard times.
Amy talks about how she has supported Vance while still maintaining her healthy boundaries, even not being as into Yoga as him. Having the conversation with Amy, she talks about the tools that she used to get through the hard times and how they helped both of them overcome the negative and start creating a healthier life.
Turn Your Mess into Your Message~ Robin Robbins
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara had the pleasure to speak to Vance Row, a retired police officer who is now a dispatcher and yoga instructor.
Physical & Mental Injuries
Vance told us his story of his years in policing, injuries on the job, and how he used alcohol to cope. He went through his lowest points and how he contemplated taking his life. His wife was the one to speak up and show him what he was doing. Vanc told us how when remembers in his academy
they briefly spoke about police suicide and then it became real to him as a close friend and co-worker took their life. Vance is now retired from policing, but he still serves his community as a dispatcher.
The Positives from the Negative
It was then that Vance turned to yoga and sobriety. Vance started on a Yoga journey to help his mental health and body ailments and then realized how impactful it can be. He then got his certification for being a yoga instructor and now teaches classes all around the Ocean City Area, you can find some of his short videos on YouTube! He talks about the challenges he faced when he was first starting and the challenges when introducing yoga to first responders, but how often someone tells him that the yoga classes helped.
Vance also serves his first responder community by being a part of First responder Recovery meetings. These meetings are for all first responders and are completely confidential. He knew the need for help in recovery and seized that opportunity to continue helping his fellow responders. He also volunteers for COPLINE and spoke about the amazing program for our police officers needing help.
COPLINE 1-800-267-5463
The two most important days are the day you are born and the day that you find out why. - Mark Twain
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Yoga Rescue
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak about how your finances can affect your overall mental health.
Finances and Mental Health
The stressors of debt and the “control” over finances can burden and weigh you down, while also affecting your relationships. While debts can be avoided, some can not, learning how to manage and budget your finances can help ease the stressors, and positively help your overall mental health. There is even a stigma of debt that keeps people from asking for help. People who have debt or trouble managing finances are more likely to have mental health issues, add that into the job trauma, and it can be a hard hole to climb out of. Even if asking for help is just asking your spouse or partner to take over part of the finances. Or sitting down together and creating a budget. It is okay to let go of that and trust in the help.
A study from the Royal College of Psychiatrists on Debt and mental health found that half of all adults with a debt problem also live with mental ill-health. This ranged from a consistent feeling of anxiety and low mood to a diagnosed mental health condition.
You are not alone, according to a survey done by CNBC as of 10/31/23, found that 62% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. That is an incredibly high number, and just shows that a lot of us are struggling too.
Setting Healthy Financial Goals
There are ways to alleviate the stress and get yourself into a healthy “debt mind-space.” Setting a goal can be as simple as writing down your monthly expenses, or as intricate as making a binder with your monthly statements, costs, and a well-planned out budget. Whatever that case may be, use that goal to feel better overall. Split some financial tasks with your spouse or significant other. Have the conversation that you, or them, may be avoiding. Set yourself up for success, even with just small changes, you can move forward with a healthier financial lifestyle.
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Debt & Money Issues Affect Mental Health
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First H.E.L.P.
In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak about how setting your “bar high” can help you be mentally and physically healthier.
Are you stepping over your bar?
Christy and Ciara talked openly about how changing the “height” of your bar can positively affect your life. So many times in life we find ourselves settling out of our comfort and maybe even fear. But how does that negatively affect your professional and personal life? More often than not, we set our professional standards and goals higher than we do our personal goals when we should be keeping them at the same level.
Lowering the bar we set in our lives allows others the space to use us as a doormat and disrupt the healthy paths we want to take.
Guide on Setting Your Goals Higher
When it comes to setting goals, it will vary from person to person, job to job, etc. But learning a few tips that you can take and use personally and professionally will help you raise your bar. Often, it feels like we excel at one place in our life but seldom does it feel like it is balanced on both ends.
Play to your strengths, if time management is a skill that you rock, use it, to your advantage. Finding time to take deep breaths and breaks during the time management skill, will help deescalate the stress of feeling that you are failing. Stop going down the what-if hole of the small stuff. Small stuff only becomes big when we don’t take to time to look at the big picture and process. If you are good at doing this at work but not at home, evaluate what you are doing differently at work than at home. One of the best tools, to have with you at all times, learn from peers, friends, and family. Yes, everyone is different. But you can tune that skill, to your situation, and find the balance and success, on both sides of the job.
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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk about the negative mindset and how to overcome Misanthropy.
Misanthrope
According to the Webster's Dictionary, Misanthrope is a person who hates people. We may have a lot of hostility going around in a world that just doesn’t let us catch up and take a breath. Are you a recovering Karen, or are you still stuck in the world of I hate people?
Point of View
How we perceive events in our environment and lives starts with mindset and processing to let go of the stress, the event, and the chaos that life and the job pack into your duty bag. You are most influenced by the five people you spend the most time with. Are you surrounded by those that are positive or the haters? Saying this doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad day; you can recognize, evaluate, and adjust to what the workplace, home place, or society is throwing out of you. Change can happen, even in the worst of environments. Find something that makes you laugh, look people in the eyes, and smile; you never know who needs that positive in this moment. When we start doing this, the dark times become less opaque, and we realize you are not alone!
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak about the challenges of the Holidays in First Responder families
Healthy Family Dynamic
In a healthy family dynamic it is understood that the first responder will not be able to be home on the day, especially as rookies, or if you are in an on-call position. We say healthy family dynamic, because a healthy supportive family understands the new normal without pressure or anger for your job serving the community.
How may this look for you, your family? It may not look much different, but it may be just making a new tradition, or setting your healthy boundaries for the day. Communicate, take your breaks, find the time for you! But also find the good in those times, enjoy the moment, be grateful for what you have and are able to give!
There is Always a First
If this is your first holiday season without your loved one, or even as a first responder, please remember that it is ok to say no when you’re overwhelmed. To know that your feelings are valid and you don’t have to spend the time with family. That maybe it is your friends and time with them that you may need to get through. That it is ok to not be ok. This time of year can come with a lot of heavy feelings and pressure. Boundaries and the word NO are perfectly acceptable, and we encourage you to use them for you to find your happiness and good spaces!
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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy talks with Nancy Vallee, a retired 911 dispatcher of 21 years. Nancy speaks frankly about transitioning from first responder life to retired, new career, and finding the new you!
Retirement
Nancy started a career as a realtor before retirement, getting her license, selling homes, and preparing for the future. What she didn’t plan on was the barrage of emotional deflation. Newly married, new home, new career, all great things happening, you can’t help but think, this is going to be a fantastic new chapter in life. She prepared, being 55 at retirement, still young with a whole life ahead of her. She never expected the darkness she had seen before to come back. Nancy was preparing to leave the job; she didn’t know the job wasn’t ready to let go of her.
Family
Nancy was a single mother, taking care of her children and then her mom. Working 60-hour work weeks, her kids were used to her not being around for school events, etc. The village of friends that helped her with the kids when she couldn’t be there was powerful. But what happens to the family when they are unprepared for your retirement? Sometimes, they become the silent partners of your demise without even knowing it. Nancy’s husband recognized first that she wasn’t herself. How do you tell someone you love that they have changed when the person you love doesn’t see it in themselves? You just have to speak up! Be there for them, and let them work to find themselves again. We can only do so much for our loved ones, but if they don’t do the job, then they can’t get out of the dark place. Thankfully, Nancy started realizing that she didn’t like how life was making her feel and that it didn’t have to do with the new chapter but had everything to do with the old branch. Family is there for you and more robust than you think. Give them a try and start having conversations.
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak with Captain Dave Betz of the Chelsea Police Department and coping with the loss of his son to suicide.
Police Family
Dave has served as a police officer for over 36 years. 35 of them with Chelsea Police Department. Dave speaks about his years of service, and the traumas on the job. How not just him but the department handled them. Like many others with years of service, he would compartmentalize and not deal with the things that happened and what he saw on the job.
All that changed on February 22nd 2017. Dave speaks openly about the day his son, David Betz III, died by suicide after serving as a police officer for 4 years. Dave speaks about finding his son and the traumas that caused him, along with bringing so many up to the forefront of his memory. Along with the department and how eye opening it was for them when David died. As he talks about it is ok to “have a check up from the neck up” and that mental health needs to be checked everyday. Ask the hard questions.
David’s Ribbon
Dave talks about how his loss has sparked him to make changes. That is how he crossed paths with Karen from 1st HELP (at that time Blue HELP). They were at a state legislature meeting with another family of police suicide to make the change within their state together.
Since then his voice and reach has grown larger, and he as he stated since David couldn’t continue to be a cop so he will and bring change to the policing world.
He first created a blue suicide awareness ribbon to recognize that cop suicides do happen and it needs to be talked about. Then with his city, they created stickers and street signs that have the 988 number along with the police badge resting in hands. So it is out there to the public, that everyone is in this together and it is ok to reach out for help.
Lastly, the mental health miranda. Which applies to everyone, not just police officers or first responders. We all need to stop and remember we all have the right to go on living.
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara discuss Sgt Alonzo Montanya's dedication to the Dutchess County Sheriff’s Office to break the mental health stigma in his department and countrywide.
Mental Health Advocate
Alonzo has had his struggles. His second change has given him a tool that many don't understand. Alonzo has been at rock bottom like those he helps on the street and in the department. they have helped him help others and speak about mental health within departments. Alonzo speaks about how he saved Chris Jolicoeur from taking his own life and the repercussions of his heroic act. But really, that one heroic act started years before at Alonzo’s bottom. His life was at its lowest when he checked all those boxes. Alonzo's path is not just about saving Chris’s life but how he speaks, actively and openly, about his story to save others and have that healthy impact.
Youth and Police
Alonzo also dedicates time to Youth & Police Initiative, commenting on how it has opened his eyes to how much our youth and the police “circles” are so much alike and why they both have the highest rates of suicide. The parallel between an officer's struggle and our youths' struggle, recognizing it and learning from it to help our communities on both sides of the badge, is admirable. How can we all be proactive like Alonzo by changing our first responders' worlds and our children? Challenge yourself by sitting and thinking deeper on this and, even more so, see how you can bring this to your community with your children.
SoPo Pottery
Continuing to raise awareness Alonzo and his wife, Donna, started…SoPo Pottery. In the light of the darkness of shutdowns, they started making pottery supporting the police. Like how cool!! Check them out!
Chicago Marathon
Please help Alonzo reach his goal and raise awareness for first responders' mental health! A $26.02 donation for the 26.02 miles he will be running makes a difference! 2023 Chicago Marathon
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Dutchess County Sheriff's Office
The Wolf Hudson Valley’s New Country
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Sara Clow: My Story Is My Voice
In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara chat with Sara Clow about how her life changed five years ago and what she’s doing now for change. She is a remarkable human who shows such resilience!
Her Story
We talked with Sara about her story and courage to speak up. She lost her law enforcement husband just over five years ago to suicide, and that has helped drive her to change how mental health is viewed and handled within our departments and community.
Sara now works for NAMI as the CIT Program Director in Northern Nevada. She talked about how all states have the CIT (Crisis Intervention Training), but some do not have it mandated, like Nevada does. All law enforcement agencies must undergo the 40-hour training to help recognize mental illness during calls and how to de-escalate these calls so that people don’t have to be handcuffed because of mental illness. The other side of that is having the talks and telling her story to our first responders, so hopefully, they can recognize their mental health struggles and that it is okay not to be okay.
Sara also sits on the board of the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention - Nevada chapter! She chats with us about what that entails and how her two crucial roles with each organization “work” together to help raise awareness for suicide prevention within our community.
Sara is a fantastic friend and advocate within our community and beyond. She works hard to make the change and get things done. Ciara is fortunate to call her a friend and proudly stand next to her in breaking the stigma!
Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara discuss First Responder Suicide Awareness Week and the First Responder children. Grab the meatball and start rolling. #Honorthem
The Children
We talk about First Responder Awareness often, not only to help break the stigma of mental health in the first responder world but also to teach tools that can help the survivors of suicide. Suicide is uncomfortable; anyway, you put it. Some people will talk about it, and some will react like it is a dirty little secret. What about these kids? This group of first responders, yes, I said first responders, as they serve with you and continue serving after suicide. It may sound uncomfortable when we say they serve with you on the invisible line at the home front, at school, when they walk down the street. They are either always looking over their shoulder or playing with fire, with reckless behavior. This behavior may sound familiar. You may know a first responder who will take the risk of entering the building without their vest or not caring if they have the oxygen mask secured. Our first responder kids are doing the same thing; we don’t recognize it as a struggle. We spend so much time not feeling or seeing what is in our four walls that we miss their cry for help.
Excuses
We understand that it’s time to stop making excuses and start changing the conversation on mental health among our first responders. So when will we stop making excuses that the children are just teenagers acting out, or they will grow out of it? That time is now before they make a decision that will forever change their life. Have that conversation with them, letting them know it’s okay to struggle with feelings because we made feelings uncomfortable for their entire life. Learn to be uncomfortable in your feelings; they learn from the best, their parent. Kids are brilliant at feeling the energy in the room, but we are brilliant at ignoring it. Teach accountability through actions and support, not through it. It’s easier not to pretend like it isn’t happening. Suck up the emotions, feel them, taste them, hear them, and learn from them. Feelings are like meatballs: they get messy, they roll away, they want to run, or when you eat them, they stick to your ribs. Life with children can get saucy, and it rolls away from you quickly, so you can either get up and get the meatball or miss it as it rolls by.
Mental Health Resources for Kids
Start planning for your child's mental health needs before you need the resources. Learn from them and practice with them. Teach them that vulnerability is a strength. Some schools offer a program that helps you find a counselor. Care Solace works with the school systems to help take the stress of what counselor works best off your shoulders. Take your kids for an internet surf and check out mental health tools like Project Semi-Colon. Find your local NAMI organization.
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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk with Leslie Maginn, daughter of J. Daniel Maginn EOW 7/9/93.
We had the hard talks with Leslie about how being a child of a police officer who died by suicide has affected her life and the trickle of effects of not dealing with the trauma. Much like how our first responders deal with trauma, Leslie did so too. We had deep talks of her dark places and how she too avoided dealing with the grief, even as a young child.
As a young child she refused to grieve and learned many avoidance behaviors so she didn’t have to face her grief. She dove head first into things that satisfied her and when it didn’t anymore she picked up something else. Or moved. Or just plain quit.
These behaviors followed her into adulthood where then it became things that were not just only unhealthy mentally but physically too. Until she too thought it wasn’t really worth it anymore, and who cares about the future.
The Hardwork
Just as she had thought she was done with everything, a corner turned and she tried counseling. That partnered with facing her grief, owning it, and getting some closure; Leslie came out of her 20+ year long pain and became part of something amazing. She continues to do the hard work at getting healthy and finding herself again.
She along with her co-founder started Foundation 1010. They are striving to help first responders and their families. The ideas Leslie shared with us are quite amazing and definitely can have such a positive impact on the families within their community!
Keep pushing forward Leslie, we are here for you, to listen and watch you and the foundation grow!
Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:
Foundation1010 Fighting For First Responders
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Leslie Maginn Facebook Instagram
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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk about the family weekend in Dallas Texas.
First H.E.L.P. Family
Every year family members who have lost a first responder to suicide are able to attend a weekend of honoring their loved ones. While seeing the people who have become their family.
We talk about how this year the sessions were mixed among family members, and how awesome the sessions were. We got to learn how other family members dealt with their grief, which is not how it has been in the past: widows all together, parents all together, etc.
This year was a first for both of our daughters and it was truly another part of our families healing journeys, and so awesome to see them be with other children who have lost a parent to suicide.
The family weekend is sometimes the only vacation many of these families get all year, so it is undeniably special in many ways. We are so thankful for First H.E.L.P. and all the amazing sponsors who help put this even together each year. It would never be possible without them!
Already counting down the days to see our family next year!
Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk with Firefighter Pat Shea about his rock bottom and how he has dedicated himself to getting healthy, and how to help others.
Pat, a former Firefighter for Little Rock Arkansas fire department, was injured on the job; from there his life tumbled out of control, to the point of no longer being a fireman and losing everything to addiction. Pat met the demons of addiction, and fought his way back to sobriety, and is now a Firefighter with the Las Vegas Fire Department. While actively speaking about his addiction and struggle in hopes to help others. Not just with his fellow firefighters but on active calls in his community, in his hometown, and proudly on the podcast.
Like many others Pat has seen how crucial it is to be speaking out so our first responders see that it is ok to not be ok. It is ok to ask for help. His life changed the day that one person picked up the phone and he asked for help. It is hard work, but he won’t ever give up; and wants people to know that regardless of being a cop, a firefighter, an EMT, or a dispatcher that you should be supported when asking for help. No matter what your struggle is, there should always be support and someone to help and listen.
Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:
IAFF Center of Excellence - It’s Okay to Ask For Help
1-844-525-3473 Firefighter Suicide Hotline
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EP 77: The Three C's
1:10:24
EP 76: Blue Grit Wellness- Eric Tung
1:04:12
EP 75: The Calling- Greg Podolak
1:00:04
EP 74: Is This The End? Elizabeth Fiorenza Part 2
44:36
EP 73: Face to Face with the Past - Elizabeth Fiorenza
48:14
EP 72: In the Dark You Can Find Your Purpose - Matt Fiorenza
1:04:47
EP 71: Guardian Garage Not Just For Cars
52:36
EP 70: In Honor of Brittany
48:12
EP 69: The Calling of the Chaplain
49:51
EP 68: Stigma This
25:37
EP 67: So You Want to Volunteer and Give Back
25:14
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EP 66: Amy's Story - Amy Row
50:44
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EP: 65 Namaste Your Why- Vance Row
58:09
EP 64: What is Your Financial Mindset?
50:18
EP 63: Are you stepping on your bar?
34:20
EP 62: I am a Recovering Karen
32:05
EP 61: Where the Thankfulness is!
30:23
EP 60: 911, I am Ready to Talk - Nancy Vallee
37:43
You Have The Right To Go On Living - Dave Betz
49:24
EP 58: The Running Change - Sgt. Alonzo Montanya
44:33
EP 57: My Story Is My Voice- Sara Clow
53:55
EP 56: It's Not Just The Meatballs
36:18
EP 55: From The Mouth Of A Child - Leslie Maginn
51:45
EP 54: We are Family
32:39
EP 53: Fighting the Fire for Sobriety - Pat Shea
54:55