Preventing Sexual Violence and Creating Support for Survivors and Families

Approximately 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 boys or men experience attempted or sexual assault in the USA. In this episode of The Paid Leave Podcast, we are talking about sexual violence and assault because April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I have two women who work in this space joining me to talk about this. Beth Hamilton, the Executive Director of the Connecticut Alliance to End Sexual Violence, the statewide coalition of community-based sexual assault crisis services programs. And Sharon Walker Epps the Chief Executive Officer of The Rowan Center in Stamford and covers lower Fairfield County. The Rowan Center is part of the Alliance and exists to prevent sexual violence and other trauma, respond to crisis when harm occurs, and support adult and youth survivors on their path to healing. Beth explains the work of the Connecticut Alliance, including policy advocacy, training, and direct service to survivors. She describes the unique services provided by the Alliance, such as legal representation and post-conviction advocacy. Sharon provides an overview of the Rowan Center's services, including crisis response, counseling, and education. She highlights the efforts of the Rowan Center to educate parents and provide resources through the Kids Safe HQ initiative. They both talk about their own personal stories of sexual violence and abuse and are passionate about the hard work they do. They both support CT Paid Leave as an important tool they can use for their own workers and clients who use safe leave.

For more information visit The Alliance to End Sexual Violence, https://endsexualviolencect.org (endsexualviolencect.org) Phone: 860-282-9881
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For information visit the Rowan Center, https://therowancenter.org (therowancenter.org) Phone: 203-348-9346

For information or to apply for benefits like safe leave, please visit ctpaidleave.org

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Transcript

Nancy Barrow: 0:01

Hello Connecticut, and welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. The title basically says it all. I'm Nancy Barrow, and I will be delving into this new state program and how it can help you and your family. This podcast will give you information you should know about Connecticut Paid Leave and maybe just a little bit more. Connecticut Paid Leave brings peace of mind to your home, family and workplace. Welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. Sexual Assault remains a significant issue, with approximately one in three women experience attempted or sexual assault, and one in six boys or men as well. UNICEF reports that over 370 million girls and women experience rape or sexual assault before the age of 18, and the majority of sexual violence victims are between the ages of 18 and 34. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and it's a time to raise public awareness about sexual violence and sexual assault prevention. I have two women who work in this space joining me today. Beth Hamilton is the Executive Director of the Connecticut Alliance to End Sexual Violence, the statewide coalition of community based sexual assault crisis service programs. And Beth has nearly two decades of experience working to end violence throughout the state of Connecticut, including sexual violence, domestic violence, and violence against LGBTQ people and people with disabilities, and she's been a leader in developing and implementing statewide policies addressing and preventing sexual violence in Connecticut's K through 12 schools on college campuses and within Connecticut's correctional system. And Sharon Walker Epps has been the Chief Executive Officer of the Rowan center in Stamford since 2025 she served as board chair of the Rowan center from 2019 until 2024 when she joined the staff as Chief Operating Officer. And she's been an active volunteer in her kids schools in her community, and served on the Board of Trustees for Hamilton College. And during her career in finance, she worked in investment banking at Bankers Trust and in fixed income sales and trading at Goldman Sachs. And Sharon got her BA in economics from Hamilton and her MBA from the Wharton School. My dad went there. So we've got that in common. The Rowan Center is part of The Alliance and exists to prevent sexual violence and other trauma, respond to crisis when harm occurs, and support adult and youth survivors on their path to healing. So Beth and Sharon, welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast.

Sharon Epps: 2:25

Thank you for having us.

Beth Hamilton: 2:26

Thanks for having us.

Nancy Barrow: 2:26

So happy you could come in. So Beth and Sharon, this question is for both of you, what inspired you to work in the field of sexual violence prevention and survivor support? It's a tough it's a tough one.

Beth Hamilton: 2:40

I don't know exactly how I got here. I think probably, you know, after college, I was an English literature major, and very much saw myself as wanting to be a writer and go and be a professor. And I think some of the activities I got involved in, some of the activism I got involved with in college, kind of changed that for better or for worse. And I think I wanted to go into a helping profession, sort of thereafter, I started my career actually working at CCADV, the domestic violence coalition, which has certainly impacted my life also, and found my way doing prevention work at The Alliance. And really, that was just something that I both enjoyed very much, but I really saw a really needed future in and so this was before having kids, before having kids, before kind of doing anything. It was something that I was so invested in and really enjoyed being in a space with other people who were thinking about how we address and create a world with no violence, and particularly no sexual violence. I also come to it as a survivor, so somebody who spent my entire childhood experiencing sexual violence, have experienced it in other forms throughout the course of my life, and then as I became a parent, this work just became my life work, right? Like trying to think about having two little girls that I very much wanted to have different lives and different childhoods than I had, and really thinking about that no child should be in a space where, you know, an inevitable consequence of being a child in our society sometimes is seen as as experiencing sexual violence, and I think that that's a place that I continue to really, we need people doing the work, and I continue to be really, I feel it as a privilege to do the work. So I am always interested, always want to stay engaged. But kind of came here by accident in some ways.

Nancy Barrow: 4:14

Yeah, and I'm sorry that you had to experience that as a child. That must have been really tough.

Beth Hamilton: 4:20

I think it's something that most of us carry with us honestly. I think if you were to ask most people and they answered honestly, you would find that most of us have some experiences, particularly in childhood, and those folks who are born female, I think, particularly also have those experiences. And I think that there's a place that that that trauma you know has in our lives, in terms of being able to propel us, you know, into doing certain things or having certain passions and things like that, that can be important. It's also really hard sometimes doing the work right, as a survivor who is consistently kind of triggered by, all right, the work that we do.

Nancy Barrow: 4:52

Yeah, and what about you?

Sharon Epps: 4:54

I would have to say my path is a little bit different from Beth's. I did as you read I went into finance after college, I will say, as a young person, I always felt the inequity for specifically girls and women. I felt that very deeply that women and girls were not treated the same as men. I carried that through college and through my career, and it was just, I will say, that's innate to who I am. And then, you know, I stayed home with my kids for a little while. I have three children, and as they grew older, I started looking for something else to do. That coincided with my daughter being a survivor, also sexually assaulted in Darien, Connecticut. I like to say where it happened, because people sometimes think it doesn't happen in towns like Darien, and it does. It coincided with me looking for something else to do, where else I could, you know, put some of my focus and energy, and frankly, a little bit of anger into. And I found my way to the Rowan Center. And so I initially became an advocate. And I always say I really do this work because of my daughter and because of people like my daughter who have experienced things and like I tell people we had resources, I had time, I was educated, I had we had money frankly, we could get our daughter to a place where she was okay. This isn't something that a lot of people have access to, right? So this happens you've talked about the statistics. This happens to a lot of a lot of people, and most people do not have the access to help. So the Rowan Center was just a really natural fit to me. I started as an advocate. I went on the board within a couple of weeks, became Board President, and just, you know, really feel that this work like you say, this is the hard stuff, and people want to look away, and I get it. But some people have to look directly at it and deal with it every single day. And that's, you know, what Beth's doing. That's what we're doing at the Rowan Center. And, yeah, that's how it happened.

Nancy Barrow: 6:56

It must have been very tough as a mom to watch your daughter go through that, or to have experienced that at all.

Sharon Epps: 7:03

I'll say, as a mom and as a family, right? I tell people, it was traumatic for all of us. It is an awful thing to experience as a family, to have one of your children or anybody that you love experience such a thing. And you know, Beth and I can talk forever about what happens to victims and survivors, the trauma, what that looks like experiencing it is, you know, it is not something I would wish on anybody, and it is a journey. And when somebody decides to be a perpetrator, I guess another person, they have changed that person's path. And that's, you know, and boy do I get mad about that. Because I don't think anybody has the right to change somebody else's life path.

Nancy Barrow: 7:41

Right and and did the person get to court at all?

Sharon Epps: 7:48

Well, we could talk about this forever, because here's the thing, when you are the mom of a victim survivor, you are a victim survivor yourself, you have to make a decision. We decided to save our daughter's life. And to make sure that she was going to be okay and she was not at a point where she was ready to do anything about it. Do I dream about that? Do I think about it? Would I love to see the boys that hurt my daughter suffer consequences? Yep, yes, I would. But that's got to be up to her, and she does have time. There is a statute of limitations that's longer when something happens when you're young, and she, you know, she has other avenues she could take over time. But she's got to come to it, and she's got to be okay with this, not my decision.

Nancy Barrow: 8:29

Right. And you work closely with police officers and courts and things like that. Tell me that process and how that works, and what you do for victims in that arena.

Sharon Epps: 8:41

Well, so at the Rowan Center, I'm Beth's going to answer this probably a little bit differently than I will. At the Rowan Center, you know, we're a crisis response, so we've got a 24/7 hotline, so we're interacting with law enforcement frequently. Our law enforcement partners are some of our most important partners. They're, you know, part of our team. And so, you know, it we come to interact with them in different ways. Sometimes it's at the hospital, right when we have victims going into the hospital, law enforcement meets us there. Sometimes it's going to the police station with a victim a survivors to for an interview. Sometimes it's the police officers come to the Rowan Center, because some victims, believe it or not, they don't want to go to the police station, so they come to us, a lot of times. We interact, we train, we help train police officers. And, you know, we really try to have a lot of events where, you know, PD are there, where we're together and really developing a team mentality, like we're all trying to get to the same place.

Nancy Barrow: 9:40

Right. All trying to get to the same space, and many people misunderstand what sexual violence or assault encompasses. Can maybe either one of you explain that?

Beth Hamilton: 9:50

I would think of it as a larger umbrella term. I think the way that we kind of changed, you know, a decade or more ago, to talking about domestic violence as kind of this umbrella term that a lot of things fit under it. I would think of sexual violence as the same kind of continuum where you could have something like a, you know, sexism, misogyny, sexist jokes, things like that, all the way to like a forcible rape, all kind of everything that fits along that continuum. I think that as a movement, the reason we pivoted towards more inclusive language is one to honor the fact that those are all acts of violence that, you know, that I think we kind of created hierarchies at times of perhaps the belief system around the impacts of certain types of crimes or certain actions, and that's just not how people experience them in the brain and the body. And I so I think that sort of moving to using the language of sexual violence not only encompasses a lot more actions or acts, but it also kind of honors the fact that survivors are really going through and surviving an act of violence when those things happen. So it's sort of a larger continuum of actions that could fit along in time.

Nancy Barrow: 10:51

And was that thoughtful process because you were trying to change laws, or maybe getting legislation changed?

Beth Hamilton: 10:58

I think it's largely around culture change. I mean, in Connecticut, if you want to talk about laws, you'd have to talk about laws, you'd have to talk about sexual assault. Like, you know what, what is defined in our penal codes and in statute is sexual assault, and there's other things like risk of injury, or, you know, assault or kidnapping, or things like that that sometimes you'll see associated with sexual assault crimes. But I think it's more about that culture change of one, just making it so that it can be a conversation that we're all having. And you know, when I started doing this work 20 years ago in domestic violence, it was really hard for folks to have those conversations around domestic violence. And I think that those conversations, over time, with a whole lot of work, have gotten easier. I think we're trying to do something similar, whereby you can really bring conversations about sexual violence into quote, unquote mainstream conversations and the impacts of sexual violence, I think that was more about, you know, wanting to shift that culture and really honor the impact that it has on survivors and their families and things like that, more than it was about changing law per se.

Nancy Barrow: 11:52

Ok. And what about this legislative session? What are you working on?

Beth Hamilton: 11:56

So we have a number of things we're working on. There is one piece of legislation we had talked, you know, briefly before, around folks who are incarcerated, who experienced sexual violence. We have federal laws called the PREA, PREA Prison Rape Elimination Act. This was started by George W Bush in 2003 it was updated by the Obama administration in 2012 to add LGBTQ incarcerated survivors. The challenge with the federal law is that it's really difficult for it to be enforceable in Connecticut, and so we continue to work with survivors. And there was a great report done by Disability Rights Connecticut that was put out in this past December that really just shows there's a widespread amount of sexual violence happening in carceral settings in the state, there is very little support that those survivors receive. Sometimes they're not investigated. We are not always holding the folks who are causing harm accountable, and we just see kind of a system that is leaving a lot of folks hurt, and doubly hurt, right because a lot of folks are going in with experiences of sexual violence, particularly as children, previous to being incarcerated. And so that legislation we're looking at, there's two bills right now, SB 89 which would codify PREA into Connecticut state law, and then SB, 5477, that's trying to do something similar. The really important thing about doing that this session is that the Trump administration has started to strip PREA standards out federally. And so what we've seen is through a memo that went out through the Department of Justice, is a signal that the Trump administration would really like to dismantle not just parts of but perhaps all of PREA. So it's really incumbent on the state to step up to codify those rights for survivors, to codify the investigations, the services, the reporting and the dissemination of information about how often that's happening in our carceral settings, all of that into state law to make it so that we really could not only support survivors, but you really see the scope and the depth of those those issues that are happening.

Nancy Barrow: 13:39

I can't imagine you getting much pushback from anybody?

Beth Hamilton: 13:42

You know, it's interesting. I think right now, it's a tricky time for Department of Corrections in our state. Quite honestly, I think there's a number of things going on around medical issues and housing all sorts of things. And so I think it's a place where we're spending a lot of time looking at DOC, and my fear, a little bit, is that this gets lost in some of those larger conversations, because it is easy to not talk about sexual violence, and so we don't get necessarily a lot of pushback. It's it's more that we really want to make sure it's prioritized amongst all those other issues that have been brought up.

Nancy Barrow: 14:10

What are your thoughts? What's your gut

Beth Hamilton: 14:12

that it will include everything that 5477, telling you? included, because that's a bit more expansive. I do think we'll get that one. The other bill that we're working on is Senate Bill 355, which is looking at ending the use of NDAs to force survivors into silence. And so what we continue to see, and we've worked with a really high profile survivor who has been very brave and has participated really readily in this legislative session, is that we see large corporations. We see employers, you know, even who are smaller employers, who are really using NDA's to cover up things like sexual assault, harassment, discrimination, other illegal behavior, and that very often, survivors really feel stuck between being able to address the harm that they experienced, and then what might happen in terms of. Litigation or other things, you know, repercussions from breaking those NDA's, one of the survivors you know that we worked with, she was forced under duress, to sign an NDA, and that really prevented her then, you know, she had so much fear about how she could go forward in addressing the harm. And the other thing that we see with NDA's used over and over again, and this is true of the same survivor that I'm speaking of, is that they tend to be patterned. So you tend to see the same employer, the same corporation, consistently using NDA's is as a way to cover up discriminatory or harmful, you know, practices like sexual violence. And what that means is that then every new employer coming into that build, every new employee, excuse me, coming into that building is then coming in under the assumption, right, that this could happen to them also. So it really is a way to make Connecticut's workplaces safer. It's a way to make sure that we're not silencing survivors, and we're really addressing those, those illegal behaviors that should not be part of any employment setting whatsoever.

Nancy Barrow: 15:52

That's Incredible, you know that they can do that to silence and then someone comes in unknowingly, into a into a dangerous situation. What ages are most vulnerable for sexual assault or violence? Is it younger people, or is it really runs the gamut, pretty much.

Beth Hamilton: 16:11

I think it depends on what population you're talking about. I think vulnerable populations are more vulnerable to sexual, you know, sexual violence, if you think about incarcerated people, LGBTQ people are more vulnerable when they are incarcerated and in society. I think if you think about poverty, you know, folks that don't have access to resources, folks who are homeless, you know, those folks are more likely to experience violence, including sexual violence. I think if you look across, you know, sort of lifetimes, you do see childhood sexual abuse being a really, really high, really high occurrence of that. And that and that also tends to lead to so many other things, right? It's a precursor to trafficking, to domestic violence, to mental health issues, to suicidal ideation, that could go on and on. And so that becomes something that's critically important, I know, to all of the work that we do is preventing in childhood, but really it's across the lifespan, like we do work with folks who are in their 80s, who are experiencing sexual violence. It's about vulnerability. And really, oftentimes, when you're talking about folks who want to perpetrate sexual violence, are going to look for vulnerabilities because it's easier, it's easier for them to do it, it's easier for them to get away with people don't believe folks with, you know, the elderly don't believe folks with disabilities. Don't believe all sorts of people. And so I think we see disproportionate harm done to certain vulnerable populations. But really, sexual violence happens everywhere to everyone unfortunately.

Nancy Barrow: 17:23

And you're saying that you know people don't believe people. That seems to re victimize people and not want them to come forward and say anything.

Sharon Epps: 17:33

Most people don't come forward, right? Like we know that statistically, most people don't report sexual violence, and there's a reason for that, because they're not believed so often. Or they don't think they're going to be believed, or they tell the wrong person initially, right? The person who says, Well, why did you go to that party? Why did you drink that much?

Nancy Barrow: 17:50

Yeah, there's always judgment.

Sharon Epps: 17:52

Yeah, there's always a judgment, right? And you hear that, you hear it. And even though you think you might not say that, you'd be surprised at how many you know, parents will say, Oh my gosh, I said the wrong thing when my child disclosed to me. Why did you go there? Why were you alone? Why didn't you bring a friend? You know, all these things that people say they're natural, yeah, and they're also, you know, it's not the way to respond to somebody when they disclose.

Nancy Barrow: 18:14

But yeah, that's, yeah, that's a tough one, right? That's, that's a tough one.

Beth Hamilton: 18:18

And i think the other challenge is that that disbelief is built into our systems that are intended to respond to survivors also. So like law enforcement, very often starts with disbelief. I think a lot of you know the places institutions like campuses, when folks go to report title nine, you know things to campuses, they often are disbelieved there. So not just how important that is, as Sharon's saying, in the interpersonal setting, but like, disbelief is built into so many of the places that survivors need to go to to address the harm that they experienced, and that's some of the work that we try to do with our coalition and with legislation also. But I would say unilaterally, almost every survivor we have ever worked with has been disbelieved by somebody or disbelieved by a system as they try to address that harm.

Nancy Barrow: 18:56

And then there is that guilt. Right? Do they feel guilty that they did something wrong, they went to a party, they they dressed differently.

Sharon Epps: 19:02

You know, of course, that's the first thing we try to displace when we talk to victims and survivors, right? Is this is never a victim's fault or a survivor's fault. This is always the perpetrator's fault. This is always the rapist's fault. This is always their predator's fault. This is always their fault, never the fault of the victim. And it's the first thing you know we will address in any of these situations, because that is absolutely a destructive belief.

Nancy Barrow: 19:27

Right It's a destructive belief, right, that you had something to do with it, that you had some kind of inactive participation.

Sharon Epps: 19:35

Yeah, I love Chanel Miller's quote where she says, You know what, she drank too much and she was sexually assaulted, and she said, You know what? I deserved a really bad hangover, but I did not deserve to be raped, right? Right? So.

Nancy Barrow: 19:48

Yeah that doesit does put it in perspective, right, exactly.

Sharon Epps: 19:51

And we all have to have that shift in mindset. And even the I'm going to forget her for her first name, the woman, Giselle in France, who's husband was sexually assaulting her, drugging her and sexually assaulting her. One of the things that you know she she said was that she was afraid she wasn't going to be believed by anybody, right by anybody. And the guilt that she felt initially over what had happened to her. But eventually, she went through a healing process and said, we have to shift the shame. The shame cannot be on the victim, right? We have to shift it to the perpetrator. Yeah, right.

Nancy Barrow: 20:35

Yeah, I think that is so powerful. And, you know, there's got to be an intersection, too, with domestic violence and sexual assault, of course, yeah. So how do you deal with that? Especially since you were in that, you were at CCADV for a while, so you have a lot of knowledge of that as well.

Beth Hamilton: 20:52

Right. I mean I think that there's definitely sexual violence can be a tactic of domestic violence, right? So abusers can use that in their quote, unquote toolbox, right to to victimize, to harm, to belittle, to coerce folks. I think that that's common. I think the other interesting thing is that sometimes there's a belief that it always, they're always co-occurring, and we tend to see at our coalition much more stuff that does not involve domestic violence, not that it sometimes does not, sometimes does not. And so I think that there's a place where there absolutely can be that overlap, but there's also oftentimes sexual violence that is happening absolutely in the absence. I think that the bigger thing, often, however, is just addressing that underlying trauma, that there can be really similar experiences of survivors. And which is why one of the reasons we wanted to change the sick days, you know, act years ago is because it only included victims of family violence. And we said, But wait, all these things are impact. You know, are impacted similarly for victims of sexual violence, they need some of those same pieces. And so I think that that's where there's more overlap. Is kind of in some of those experiences. I think the services can be really different that survivors might need after that victimization. And I think that the other thing that we, you know, we tend to see again, is there's not always the same level of victim blaming and the same level of disbelief when it comes to domestic violence as there is for sexual there is for sexual assault, and that's something that it feels like we really have to work against very hard.

Sharon Epps: 22:07

Yeah I used to think about that. Like, why is that?

Nancy Barrow: 22:08

Yeah, why is that? I was just gonna say, like, what is the reason for that?

Beth Hamilton: 22:12

Because we always believe that we have some we are always, we're always complicit in the harm that we experience when it comes to sexual violence, whether that is a child, whether that is a man, or whoever you might think of is not a typical victim. There is always some, some portion of that where folks experience victim blaming. It's much easier. I mean, there's some research that suggests, particularly for women, the reason, you know, and I started this work as, I don't know that I would call myself a feminist, necessarily, but like, certainly had a lot of that, those ideologies and was like, women are going to be like, I'm going to go work in a field where women are just going to inherently understand and be great to work with, and really not, you know, I wouldn't experience all those things. And one of the things that I've come to understand is it's everywhere, like, women blame women, we blame children, we blame everybody. And there's some research out there that suggests that it's easier for us to go about our days believing that survivors have something to do with their victimization versus thinking about how unsafe we are.

Nancy Barrow: 23:02

I think that I feel as a woman, I'm always I walk through the world differently than a man does. I mean, I think we all do right?

Sharon Epps: 23:09

I absolutely, and I don't think men really understand how women feel that we're, you know, we're in a dark place, or we're alone, or we're in our car, wherever we're always looking out for, you know, who might hurt us, which is a completely different way than most men walk through the world.

Nancy Barrow: 23:23

I mean, I walk through, you know, I walk through this world very differently than my brother does, you know? So it's, yeah, I think it's just having that awareness too, is is really important about how people are walking through the world differently.

Beth Hamilton: 23:39

That awareness combined with the fact that, like as women, you're also more likely to experience violence if you try to say stop, or if you try to walk away, or if you somehow hurt someone else's ego, or things like that. I mean, that's the other thing that that's so challenging. I think about my daughter all the time. I have a 13 year old who suddenly is walking through the world, and I'm watching people respond to her, men respond to her very differently. And I'm also having conversations with here's how you keep yourself safe. So yes, you might experience these things at the very same time. Think about your safety, right? So you might want to turn around and say to this person, like, what is wrong with you? But are you safe in doing that? And I think that's the really troubling thing about walking around as a girl or a woman in our society, is you have this kind of you both have to experience it, and you can do almost nothing about it at times to keep yourself safe.

Nancy Barrow: 24:24

Yeah, it's really tough. For listeners who are not really familiar. What does The Alliance do on a day to day basis across Connecticut?

Beth Hamilton: 24:32

So we have ya know, Sharon is a great example. We have nine community based sexual assault crisis programs that we are there to do things like provide training and technical assistance. We pass through funding, you know, for state and federal grants to those member centers, we do a lot of the policy work up at the Capitol, and really sort of bring folks into changing not just, you know, legislation, but other types of policies that impact survivors. We also, at The Coalition, have two direct service teams. We're a little bit unique in that. So we have a team of attorneys that represent survivors of sexual violence for free and fully represent them in both civil and criminal court. And then we also have a team of post conviction advocates, which are specialized victim advocates that are in every single sex offender supervision unit and parole and probation. So we really work with survivors from the point of disclosure through, you know, sort of post conviction, you know, if that's the route that they take. And really see ourselves as wanting to, you know, both create culture change. You know, some of the stuff we were talking about earlier, but really support the membership like Sharon to make sure that they have the resources and all the things that they need to be able to be successful in doing that, direct support of survivors in their local communities.

Sharon Epps: 25:39

The Rowan Center. So our catchment area is lower Fairfield County. So that's from Weston, Wilton, and Westport all the way down through Grenwich. It's about 400,000 people. And I always say we have three different pillars. What we do, right? So we are, we are crisis response. That's the 24/7 hotline I was telling you about earlier, that is staffed by volunteers, who we train a 40 hour training program a couple times a year, three or four times a year. Actually, we also, you know, we go to the hospital, so we are there with victims and survivors when they're in the hospital. We have, you know, our trained, either our staff or a volunteer there every single time. And then, you know, we're going to the hospital in the courthouse. We don't go the courthouse enough, although I will say we are starting to go more, so that's good, but you know, enough cases don't get there, as we were, you know, talking about previously. So that's our crisis response. Our

Nancy Barrow: 26:27

Yeah and Sharon tell me a little bit about the second pillar is, you know, we heal. So we have crisis counseling, which is free, confidential and anonymous. If somebody wants it to be anonymous, we certainly have a lot of undocumented population in our area. So we always stress the fact that it can be anonymous that's meant to get Rowan Center. What people out of like, a short term crisis. It's not meant to last for years, although it can last for up to a year, but it's Like, how young do you go and teach?

Sharon Epps: 26:50

Kindergarten Really? Yeah, we're not in a ton of kindergartens, but we will go as low as kindergarten. It used really meant to get people out of out of a situation where they're feeling triggered, where they're having anxiety, depression, panic attacks, things like this. And our to be we did a lot of middle trying to get into elementary counselors have very specific tools to help people do that. It is a it is a core tenet of what we do, and it's actually the demand has been increasing tremendously in that area. And I will say the 24/7 hotline has also absolutely exploded this year. So, you know, I'm not sure what's going on. But and then the other thing we do, and on my healing pillar, is we open the Trauma Recovery Practice that's been open for almost two years. And what's a little unique about that is that we don't just deal with sexual violence, so we're also dealing with domestic violence, car accidents, people who have been involved in combat, anybody who's, you know, suffered anything that has been traumatic. Right now, we only take Husky, although we were recently given the ability by the State of Connecticut. And I schools more, because what kids are exposed to and what they're mean, when recently, I mean, as of Friday, we can take all insurance, and so that's going to be a great thing for us, and that's for 18 and older. And then the third thing we do is prevent and education. So we're in our school districts, we seeing, especially online, and any parent out there listening educate 22,000 community members and children every year with age appropriate curriculum, trying to keep our kids safe and this year. is going to understand what I'm talking about right now. You know, we're trying to get to kids younger. We just launched last month something called Kids Safe HQ. We received funding for this from Impact Fairfield County recently, and it is a web based resource for parents, believe it or not, nothing like this exists. It's got all the national information. We have national partnerships with NCMEC, Thorne, Department of Homeland Security. It's got all the research that anybody could possibly want access to. It's all been vetted. It's got different ways for people to talk to their kids, when to talk to your kids, how to talk to your kids about sensitive things. And we have an AI component where you can go in and actually ask any question as a parent. So you can say, what is sextortion? How do I talk to my kids about sextortion? And you'll get an answer that's been vetted back so it's been an amazing resource, and we're hoping something that parents can use to help kids. Because the online piece has really exploded in a way, and kids are way, they know more than we do, and they're being exposed to a lot more than most parents have any concept.

Nancy Barrow: 29:23

That's that's really important so that social media aspect, and, like, you know, predators are on there, they're looking for young kids to like target. And are there laws against that? Yeah. I mean, like, how it's because it's still going on, like, I think that there needs to be more security in our social media.

Sharon Epps: 29:42

The United States is behind when it comes to this in terms of tech and social media platforms. And yeah, there are bills, one of which is being sponsored by one of our very own senators here in Connecticut, Senator Blumenthal, called KOSA, Kids Online Safety Act. It would hold tech platforms more accountable so they would have a duty of care. Which they don't have right now, right? So if you're a toy company and you manufacture a toy and a piece breaks off and a child chokes to death, you are responsible. Right now, tech companies don't have any duty of care to protect children, and so you know that is currently being heard. I you know parts of it that are very important have been taken out so far, but we do have a lot of politicians and elected officials working on that, and at a state level, certainly, Governor Lamont is working as well, especially on, you know, things related to AI safety, you know, and keeping kids safer. So people are on it. It's just hard, because, guess what? Tech companies have a lot of money, and we don't, yeah, so they're down to, hate to say it, so they got a lot of money, so there's that.

Nancy Barrow: 30:42

So the Trauma Recovery Practice. Tell me what you do there.

Sharon Epps: 30:46

So we have everybody, all of our therapists are, you know, they're either LSMW's or LCSWs. They are all trauma trained, and we practice EMDR, which is a therapy modality that's been really effective with trauma victims. And, you know, we'll see people for as long as they need to us, but I would say that's a longer term care, right? It's long term therapy. So it's, you know, usually around a year, and some people come see us more than once a week. You know, you can come to see us twice a week, three times a week, whatever people need. But I'm amazed at the number of people walking through the doors. And the demand for for those services is, really has, and it has grown exponentially. Everybody knows this. Everybody knows mental health crisis is exploding, and it has been, continues to be a scarce resource, as something like EMDR is not easily available, and we're offering it, you know, at, you know, for Husky clients, which is and now, even just for people who have insurance like it is very hard to access it. And as you probably realize that you normally go to a therapist, it costs you, what, $300 out of pocket. And then you get to go, they give you a super bill, whatever that means, they give you your super bill that you get to go then fight your insurance company to see how much money you can get back. Right? A lot of people can't afford that.

Nancy Barrow: 32:00

That's why Connecticut Paid Leave is great. I will just say that, because we really do help with the mental health aspect. Yes, you know, and if you know you need to take time away from your job, like, because you can't really handle your daily, you know, work duties like, you need to take time away. And if you're paying into this program, like you have the right to take the time absolutely, yeah, and I think a lot of people don't realize that we cover mental health, and that's so really important. And for caregivers, you know, like for parents who are dealing with a child who, like, you were, yeah, you know, how do you go to work when you know your child is has gone through this? Like you could have taken time away from work, if it was, you know, while Connecticut Paid Leave started in 2022 but you could have taken time away from work as a caregiver, you know. And those are so important. I think the programs that we have in Connecticut are really great, but let me ask you this, what are some of the biggest challenges facing Connecticut when it comes to preventing sexual violence and assault.

Sharon Epps: 33:04

Money. Funding.

Beth Hamilton: 33:07

Prioritization, part of it is absolutely the resources, right? Like it's difficult for schools to I think, and again, we put it on schools. We put it on parents to put on grown ups where it should be to prevent, to educate folks. And I don't think one is we have enough shared social responsibility, right? So we don't all consider sexual violence a community based social issue that we all should be responsible for preventing, and I think that's one of the biggest challenges. But I think even the places where, you know, I've seen over the course of my career, we did a lot of really great work around prevention, and then we're doing great work around social, emotional learning, but that's taken a step back to when it comes to sexual violence and things like that, we're sort of, we're talking about things without naming things, as much in some of the curriculum that I see, that I've seen the schools use in particular, and so I think that we sort of lack the ability to say, listen, if you want to actually think about a an issue that would impact a large amount of our population, you'd go in and you'd talk all about sexual abuse prevention for children, right? I think that there is a discomfort around that. So folks don't want to have those conversations. I think folks are not always prepared for what happens when you get disclosures, which prevents people from talking about prevention. And I just think that we don't create enough of the space to do it in, whether that is because we want to create dedicated time again, with coaches or with, you know, school nurses or whatever it is, right? We're not, we're not making it a priority. And then I think a lot of it is also just, you know, as Sharon said, around resources like, it's some of the most difficult money to get as prevention money. So even our federal grants, most of them, prohibit us from doing any prevention work. It's all just about response, which is critically important. But it would be nice if we could also, at times, you know, leverage some of those resources to do more substantive prevention work, you know, throughout the state, that would impact all of the kids you know, in the state.

Nancy Barrow: 34:54

Right, because when you're talking about that, then they're more aware of what's going on around them, and that's, that's what you really need to do right?

Sharon Epps: 35:00

And only one to 2% of charitable dollars go to anything considered to be, you know, women's issues or right? And so that's another piece of the puzzle that people don't want to talk about. Sexual violence is not a women's issue, okay? It's a human issue, but it is perceived as being a female issue. And so we get less funding than some of the other, you know, other causes that are, you know, viewed as being different than just a female issue.

Nancy Barrow: 35:27

Yeah, interesting. How can schools and workplaces and community organizations create safer and more trauma informed environments, like, like you're saying, I mean, I know that you're talking about, like, definitely getting money so you can talk about prevention, but how can we create safer spaces?

Sharon Epps: 35:47

It's all just about education. You got to get people through the door that you know, know that know this topic, to understand this topic, understand healthy relationships, consent, boundaries, you know, all this stuff. You got to get people through the door who understand, and I do think, like in lower Fairfield County, most schools are open to this. Most administrators want this for their children. I think that the explosion of what's happening online has helped fuel some of that, because people do feel helpless, and they know what they you know. They don't know what they don't know. And so that has helped people say, You know what, we need to have some experts in right in lower Fairfield County, we've had an absolute explosion in sextortion, and that has resulted in some tragedy, right? Because there are kids who have taken their lives because they've been sextorted. That's around the country, but it's also locally, and so, you know, that helps drive a little bit of like, oh, wait, we do need to pay attention to this. So unfortunately, I mean, that's not the way you want people to care about it, but it has helped, you know, because the what's happening online, you know, child sexual abuse material has absolutely gone

Nancy Barrow: 36:49

Why is that?

Sharon Epps: 36:51

There's demand that's why. There's demand for it. And it is accessible now, and the more accessible it is, the more demand there is for it, right? So it's like this cycle. And, you know, there are a lot of people willing, willing to hurt kids. And to Beth' point, like, it's something, people don't want to acknowledge it, because you can't believe that there are that many people that would want to hurt children. Yeah, you just don't want to believe there's, you don't want to add people like that would hurt kids, right, with sexual abuse, especially, right? Yeah, you just and it's so prevalent. And when you look at the issues people have later in life, I'm telling you, the more I do this work, the more you realize there's always childhood trauma. Almost always something has happened to somebody when they were younger, and it is shocking about how often that is sexual violence. And so it's something, you know, we want to, we all want to help people and kids when they're older, and, you know, we want to help people get to college and get educated and make sure that they're resourced, and all these other things. And also, we have got to be addressing the trauma that people are experiencing when they're young. We've got to look at it in the face. We've got to prevent it, and when we know it's happening, we got to do something about it.

Nancy Barrow: 38:02

So, yeah. So well, what is your vision for the future of the Rowan Center? You know, when you're talking so passionately about this, what do you see the vision of the Rowan

Sharon Epps: 38:11

The vision is taking, listen, find victims Center. where they are and survivors where they are. We want them to know we exist. We are here. We are fighting for funding every single day because we believe that this mission matters for the reasons that I just explained. And, you know, we're really innovative in how, like, how can we reach more people? Something like Kids Safe HQ was something that our COO Cody Baird came up with last year. It really, you know, has feet, because parents looked at it and said, Yeah, we want that, right? We need that. We want it like and so how do we get information out to more people, so that we can prevent and if something happens, that people know what to do and where to go.

Nancy Barrow: 38:52

And where to go, where to go. I think that's the scary part. Like, where do you where do you go? And Beth, what's your vision for the future of the Connecticut Alliance to End Sexual Violence.

Beth Hamilton: 39:05

That's a great question. I mean, I think that we've had kind of the same vision. We want to create a society where there's no new sexual violence, and a state where there's no new sexual violence. I think that it's been interesting again, kind of thinking about doing this work, pre MeToo, kind of post MeToo, now in this Epstein age, and kind of thinking about the ways that all that interplays, and my vision really is that we get back to a place where we are believing and honoring the experiences of survivors. We are using their experiences to create pathways and safety for other folks to not become survivors of sexual violence, and we just get better at having conversations. I mean, I think so much of you asked a question a few minutes ago about, what could a school or a workplace do, right? So much of that happens in the day to day, just the fabric of how you operate. So do you take the time to have the conversations? Do you respond? Well, do we all see when an employee has an issue around sexual violence or domestic violence, or whatever? Trauma based issues. How does how does that institution or that employer respond? Do you take time to create training spaces so you could have everybody come in and receive training about that in schools? What kind of images do you have up on the walls that help kids identify if something bad has happened to them? You know, who is the trusted adult for them to go tell. There's all these ways that I think we could do it better. I just think we have to create more space to do that. You know, one of the other examples I can give is, is doing some of the work with my child, my children's school, right? And thinking just about schools, one of the most impactful things I've ever personally witnessed is going into a PTO meeting. And how many of those parents who I've been walking around with every day, or, you know, my kids, know their kids who came up who had these issues going on in their homes and did not see the school as a resource for them to help to address that, or to help support them and their children. It's just there's so much when you open the door to that conversation, not only can you, you know, do more prevention work, but you can help people who are really hurting and need the support right now and don't think that there's anywhere that they can get it. And so that, really, I think having us all be able to talk to all of the people in our lives about sexual violence on a daily basis, whether that's our colleagues or our children or our, you know, faith communities, or whatever that is, that becomes the world in which you can actually do something different than what we're doing right now.

Nancy Barrow: 41:17

And how do you treat the whole family? Because, you know, like you said, it wasn't just your daughter, it's your whole family. So how do you help the whole family deal with this trauma that someone in the family has gone through? Because, like, everybody is affected.

Sharon Epps: 41:33

a lot of parents and a lot of families. We see secondaries as well, a secondary victim. So loved ones, parents, kids, whatever. But yes, the entire family, you know, surely needs resources and help when it comes to then there shouldn't be any shame around, you know, looking for resources and finding resources for the entire family, because it doesn't, it takes a while, yeah, as a family, to heal. So that's a good point.

Nancy Barrow: 42:00

Yeah I just wonder how, you know, families deal with that, you know, because it's a, it's a, it's terrible that you had to go through, that I just can't imagine.

Sharon Epps: 42:10

Terrible. And a lot of it is like even Beth, as she's talking about, you know, how we do think about it, and how we do approach it as a society, like taking that blame off of your your child, or the victim survivor, right? And saying, Okay, this is a bigger issue. This is not something that my child did, or something that right. This is, yeah, you deal with a lot of parents who have to be sort of, you know, I don't want to say, just shift in their mindset as to, you know, what happened to their child, and how to and how to heal as a family going forward? Yeah, I think that's important, right? Well, yeah, because the kid can heal if the parent, if the parents and the family is not okay, right?

Nancy Barrow: 42:49

So, because then there's that added guilt, you know.

Beth Hamilton: 42:52

The other biggest piece of advice I would give to folks and families in particular, and this is myself included, is is like, where there's a lot of things that happen when somebody discloses, like, there's a swirling of activity that happens at that point. There's responses, sometimes by the criminal legal system, sometimes by the school but, you know, by family members, by those close to whoever that survivor is, and then the months and the years that go by, there's a lot less of that support that is offered, and a lot less check ins that happen. And one of the critical things to think about is like, this doesn't for most of us, it's something that is a has a lifelong impact, so it doesn't go away. Like how I parent every day has everything to do with the sexual abuse I experienced starting at two years old. Like, that's how much like it still is a part of my life. And so the biggest thing that we hear from survivors, and I continue to hear this, is like they need support ongoingly. Don't just have the conversations, especially for parents, and assume that, okay, my, you know, my child has had some counseling. We've kind of done this where they're, you know, they're doing well in school, everything is okay. Let's not talk about it, because that might undo something. The reality is, those ongoing conversations and that ongoing support is what makes us like healthy, functioning adults and humans in the world. And so that's the biggest piece. Is like, keep having the conversations. Keep revisiting, you know, folks can set up boundaries about, you know, what, what they could, you know, need from you if they don't want you to do that. But most survivors that I have worked with over time, like, that's the one thing that they come back to, is that everything, when I first tell you, everything, is about me and what I need, and then we forget all about that as time goes on.

Nancy Barrow: 44:17

And the ball is dropped, right?

Sharon Epps: 44:18

So, yeah, Beth brings up a really good point. And also, I would take it a step further and say, start those conversations young, right? She's talking about some great parenting techniques, but these conversations where we talk to our kids about things that feel maybe uncomfortable around sexual violence or abuse or what people are seeing online, they need to start young. It needs to be a natural part of family conversation, same as, you know, wear a seat belt look both ways you're crossing the street, like, let's talk about ways you keep yourself safe and your family safe. And let's not be afraid to have these conversations and always, you know we're talking a little bit what happens post sexual violence, but saying to kids, you can talk to me about anything. There is nothing that is too shameful or embarrassing that you can't come to me about, right? So that, hopefully. If something does happen to your child, they're they're coming to you immediately to you or another trusted adult, immediately, so that you can stop harm, either you know quickly or you know before it even starts.

Nancy Barrow: 45:10

Yeah. So find a safe space, honest,

Sharon Epps: 45:13

Honest open, safe communication with your children is probably especially in this world that is changing so quickly, online and offline. Those relationships with your kids, making sure your kids know they can come to you with anything you got them. Yeah, yeah.

Nancy Barrow: 45:26

Yeah really important. Yeah. This is The Paid Leave Podcast, and I know that The Alliance is part of the Community Education Coordinators, you help disseminate information about Connecticut Paid Leave, and we're so happy that you're doing that. But have you seen Connecticut Paid Leave helping people that you serve?

Beth Hamilton: 45:47

I've seen it help our staff even I mean, I think that's one of the interesting things too, is the more that we got involved in some of the policy advocacy, the more that we as an employer could talk about it. And certainly most of us doing this work are survivors and are impacted by other things outside of work. And so we've seen it not just with this or with the survivors we're serving, but also just with our staff. And I could not be more proud to be in a state right where we have employees who can step away, take care of themselves, and then come back to, you know, being, you know, fully present with us when they're able to. So we see it not only as a benefit, like I said to the survivors and making sure, because most people don't know about this stuff, I know much like the Victim Compensation Program or other kind of benefits, you just don't know about them until someone tells you. So we're so happy to be that kind of mouthpiece and spreading that information. But I'm also just really thankful for what for what it's done for our team.

Nancy Barrow: 46:31

Oh, that's so good to hear. And safe leave is so important. You know, we give 12 days of income replacement for people who are working so they can take time to go have mental health assistance, medical assistance, if they need it, to move to get services and to go to civil and criminal court. So it is 12 days, but it's also FMLA gives you that portion so you get your job back. But how valuable is like safe leave for the people that you work with?

Sharon Epps: 47:02

It's critical and we've started talking about it even as early as you know, when we go into the hospitals with survivors, and they're they're having their forensic exam, we started to talk about what their ability is. We'll have people say, Bye, I have to go to work tomorrow. It's like, No, you don't. No, no, you don't. You don't know, right? Like, so let's talk about that, and let's you know, help you through the process of figuring out, you know what is possible. So you know it's absolutely and look, domestic violence always had a sexual violence didn't. So this is not that they always had it, but they had it before sexual violence victims did, certainly. And so, yeah, no, it's, it's huge, and it gives people, it gives legitimacy as well to what they're feeling. Right when somebody acknowledges, as you know what we get it that you're going to need time off, it gives legitimacy or the way you're feeling and to the crime that has been committed against you.

Nancy Barrow: 47:44

Yeah, this is a law.

Sharon Epps: 47:45

This is a law so right, right? Like this is right.

Nancy Barrow: 47:48

So this is for you. This is to help you. And I'm so glad that you're doing that, because it's such an important facet of the people that we need to help and marginalized communities. Or, you know, we just, we just feel so proud that we can help in any way. As we're winding down, what do you like most about your job, because this is such a difficult job. What do you like most about your job?

Sharon Epps: 48:11

Do you wanna take that first Beth?

Beth Hamilton: 48:16

I like that I have a job that, like I can be really proud of and that I can it is a heavy job, and it is a job that certainly, I think, has some cost, and at least to me personally, the way that it impacts me is not always great, but I do think it's work that, like my kids, can be proud of. It's work that I can have, you know, a belief that I am hopefully positively changing something that will, you know, kind of last beyond my time within the organization. And it's work that I think that there's so few It is a privilege to do it, but there's so few of us who can stay in it for the long run, because of, I think that the toll that it takes on doing such trauma based work. So it's also a place that I constantly go back to and just find new ways to do the work. I mean, that's the other nice thing, is that I've been doing it for a really long time, but there's always innovative ways to do it. There's always ways, you know, Sharon shared some of the new projects that they've been doing at the Rowan Center. So there's always things that are, like, engaging and exciting about it. And so I think that as long, you know, as as long as you can kind of temper some of the really difficult things, you know that, and certainly it's more difficult now, I should also say, you know, sort of in our country right now, what is happening, and the toll that that has to be taking on, not just survivors, but on all of us, to kind of be mired in all of this information all the time, and to have nothing done about all the information that is coming out. I think that's really, really difficult, but I have an incredible community of folks that I work with, and then I get to lean on, and I wouldn't choose to do anything else quite frankly.

Sharon Epps: 49:43

Yeah, everything she said. But yeah, I mean, and it cannot be emphasized enough that this is really difficult work. And even, you know, as Board Chair, I was really involved in the Rowan Center, it is not as heavy as dealing with it every single day. And there are times where I have to, like, look at one of the counselors and go and I need a minute, like, just talk me through. Like, just help me for a second here, because it gets really heavy, and you're living with it every day. And we're like, first responders. I mean, people are in the hospital. I It's, it's, it's a lot, and especially when you're dealing with kids and you're seeing what's happening to kids, it's heavy. And also, what a privilege it is to be able to help people in this capacity, their darkest days at some of the worst times, and to know that there is so much work that can be done to make it better, right? This is we're still in infancy when it comes to really being able to tackle this issue, to really be able to make a difference. As you know, Beth talks about societal norms and all that. So there's so much to do. I love the fact that, you know, one day I can go from helping with marketing to helping with a survivor to, you know, trying to understand a hospital process that happened, to try to do fundraising to talking to the board. I mean, it is a very exciting job. There is a lot to it. It's exhausting. But to be it's a privilege to be able to do work like this and and, you know, as Beth said, we have such amazing team members. And I think at the Rowan Center, you know, we've got a wonderful team of people who support each other and love each other and care about each other and know how to make each other's lives better. It's just it feels good, even when it feels bad. Yeah.

Nancy Barrow: 51:18

Well thats a good answer. You both answered that so beautifully. And what would you like to have people take away from this podcast?

Beth Hamilton: 51:26

I think you're not alone. I mean, I think that's one of the biggest things that we continue to hear from folks who just feel so isolated with their survivorship is that there's always support available. It doesn't have to come from us, but you will find people throughout the course of your life that can support you lean into those people and get, you know, try to, it's really, really difficult, I think, but continue to ask for what you need. I think that's the other thing, is that it's really easy. You know, Sharon touched on before, like, very commonly, folks will make a disclosure, and if that disclosure does not go well, and very often they do not, they don't tell anybody else for the rest of their lives. It's, it's that kind of you have to make yourself vulnerable over and over again, which is really hard as a trauma survivor to get the support that you need. But ultimately, every survivor deserves better than what they're getting now. And just keep asking, and you'll find, you know, you'll find the support and the people that you need.

Sharon Epps: 52:17

That's right. And you know, if you come to someplace like the Rowan Center any of our other agencies that are part of The Alliance. You know, we believe you. You can come to us. We believe you. We will help. And then the message to parents is, talk to your kids. Please talk to your kids. Make sure they have trusted adults in their lives so that you know we can, we can help, you know, curb some of this in

Nancy Barrow: 52:37

I want to thank my amazing guests, Beth Hamilton, the long term. the Executive Director of the Connecticut Alliance to End Sexual Violence. And thanks for being part of our Community Education Coordinators and spreading the word about Connecticut Paid Leave. We can't be thankful enough for that. And Sharon Walker Epps, the CEO of the Rowan Center in Stamford. Thank you both for being on The Paid Leave Podcast. There was so much information, and you just do really good work.

Beth Hamilton: 53:01

Thanks for the conversation.

Sharon Epps: 53:02

Thanks for having us.

Nancy Barrow: 53:03

If you have been a victim of sexual violence or have questions, please call the statewide 24/7, toll free hotlines to speak with a certified sexual assault crisis counselor. For English, it's 1-888-999-5545, and in Spanish, 1-888-568-8332. For more information, or to apply for benefits like Safe Leave, please go to ct paid leave dot org. This has been another edition of The Paid Leave Podcast. Please like and subscribe, so you'll be notified about new podcasts that become available. Connecticut Paid Leave is a public act with a personal purpose. I'm Nancy Barrow, and thanks for listening.