The Paid Leave Podcast

Father's Grieving the Loss of Their Sons and the Support Group That Saved Them

• The Connecticut Paid Leave Authority • Season 4 • Episode 11

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In this episode of The Paid Leave Podcast, host Nancy Barrow talks to father's who have lost sons suddenly and are struggling mentally with their loss. June is Men's Health Month. Men's mental health is a critical issue, with significant statistics highlighting the challenges they face, including higher rates of suicide and mental illness compared to women. Black Men Grieve Different is a Hartford area support group that provides a safe, culturally affirming space for black men to process grief, build connection, and heal together. Amos Lys is a licensed therapist, community builder and ordained minister. He helps the men in the support group to process their grief. Community organizer Derrick Cranford and his wife created Black Men Grieve Different to help with his own grief after losing his son Derrick Junior suddenly and to help others. Derrick has been friends with well-known radio personality DJ BiggMann from Hot 93.7.  BiggMann lost his son PJ in May of 2023, just 5 months before Derrick lost his son. They discuss the tragedies and how they picked up the pieces and helped each other as they struggled emotionally and how they found solace in a support group. Black Men Grieve Different is a safe space for men to let their emotions out and to start the healing process. Amos talked about the value of CT Paid Leave, and how it can give the gift of time off from your job so you can focus on your own mental health and the healing process.


To get in touch with Amos Lys, please visit his website LYS Counseling & Consulting, LLC | Licensed Therapist in Manchester (LYScounseling.com)


To find out more about Black men Grieve Different please visit, Black Men Grieve Different - Virtual Tickets, Multiple dates | Eventbrite   or to get in touch with Derrick Cranford please visit Cranfordinc@outlook.com 


You can message BiggMann on Instagram about Black Men Grieve Different. Please visit, https://www.instagram.com/djbiggmann (djbiggmann)


For Information or to apply for benefits please visit https://www.ctpaidleave.org/?language=en_US (ctpaidleave.org)


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https://www.facebook.com/CTPaidLeave



https://www.instagram.com/ctpaidleave/



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Nancy Barrow:

Hello, Connecticut, and welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. The title basically says it all. I'm Nancy Barrow, and I will be delving into this new state program and how it can help you and your family. This podcast will give you information you should know about Connecticut Paid Leave, and maybe just a little bit more, Connecticut Paid Leave brings peace of mind to your home, family, and workplace. Welcome to The Paid Leave Podcast. Men's Health Month is in June, and only 60% of men visit the doctor annually, while 40 only go when something is seriously wrong. Men's Health Month is dedicated to raising awareness about preventable health problems among men and boys, and encouraging them to seek early detection and treatment. Men's mental health is a critical issue, with significant statistics highlighting the challenges they face, including higher rates of suicide and mental illness compared to women. 62% of black men believe systemic racism contributes to their poor mental health. Discrimination based on race and ethnicity is a key factor in 41% of black male suicide attempts. Black Men Grieve Different is a local support group that provides a safe, culturally affirming space for black men to process grief, build connection, and heal together. And here to talk about grief and mental health, is Amos, a licensed therapist, community builder, and ordained minister. He's from Haiti and is a lifelong advocate for healing, hope, transformation for patients with trauma, and speaks life into broken places. He considers himself a hope dealer, which I love. Also joining is Derrick Cranford, a community organizer, a lifelong chef. Derrick started the nonprofit organization, For the Community by the Community. He's always been involved in his community, and after Derrick's son passed away suddenly, he created the idea of Black Men Grieve Different. He was awarded a grant through the Greater Hartford Gives Foundation, which, of course, is formerly the Hartford Foundation of Public Giving, and the support group began hosting meetings this year. And a wonderful, good friend of mine, I've known for more than 20 years, BiggMann from Hot 93.7, who lost his son, PJ, who was 28 in May of 2023. Amos, Derrick, and BiggMann, thank you so much for joining me on The Paid Leave Podcast.

BiggMann:

Thank you for having us.

Nancy Barrow:

So good to have you here, and so important, and it's not an easy topic, but it's an important one, and I think that we really need to talk about it. So, Biggs, I'll start with you, since I know you the best. Just tell me about PJ and how you even got through that horrible night in 2023.

BiggMann:

So PJ was like he was just harmless, gentle soul, he was like a gentle giant, and as big as I am, he was bigger than me, and it's funny, you know, I'm looking up to my son because he's about six, he was about six three, and he was just, he would, he would light up the room anytime he walked in.

Nancy Barrow:

You used to talk about him, yeah. We used to talk about him.

BiggMann:

Yeah, and it was, it was interesting, you know. I talk about it a lot, and sometimes it gets tough, because you know, when he passed. Well, backstory, you know, I found out about my son when he was nine years old, and so I jumped right into father mode. Some people will carry that anger, or whatever, and I was just jumping into father mode, and I felt a lot of guilt, because I'm like, for those first nine years.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, I missed it.

BiggMann:

What was going on?

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah.

BiggMann:

So we, you know, we really bonded over the years, got really close, and I mean it was, you know, my crowning moment to see him walk that stage and graduate college. And for me it was, it was so tough, because him growing up in Jersey, and then him moving to DC to live once he graduated, you know, we still had to have that relationship from afar. And things really got close, you know, once he got into college and everything, we became super close. So for him to call me, he called me in the last week of April, almost like the end of April, and my birthday is in June, and he goes, "You know what, I'm going to come up for your birthday, you know, I'm kind of the boss at my position, I work from home anyway, so I'm just going to buy a one-way ticket, I'm going to come and stay with you for your birthday, and I'll decide when I'm coming back." Come on. And about a week and a half later, I got a call from his mother, screaming in the phone, you know. And I was in a meeting at the time, but I picked up, and I'm like, I'm about to say I'm gonna call you back, and she hit me with that devastating blow. She was there, and the paramedics were still there, and so, as she's.. I couldn't even.. I couldn't get any words out.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah.

BiggMann:

You know, and it was.. I didn't know how I could make it. And I'll be honest with you, you know, one of the people who checked on me a lot was Derrick. And to have the same situation or similar situation happen to him just a few months later. It's tough. It's tough. You know, because I've always been kind of private, you know, I've had conversations with you here, but I've always been contained to myself a lot of people. And that was one of those things you don't let people see you cry, you don't let people see that you always have this hurt. And that broke me in a way that I never thought I could be broken, and, um, you know, I, and I thank this brother, because he would hit me up from time to time. Yo, E, you good? And

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, because you've been friends forever, right?

BiggMann:

I would lie. I would lie I'm all right you know, I'm all right. And then when it happened to him, I was like, now I tell him all the time, he's way more transparent on social media than I am. Derrick will put it out there and say I'm having a bad day, me, I get in the corner with it. But I've opened up more because I'll tell him, man, this was a tough day, this was a tough day, and.

Nancy Barrow:

You did it kind of publicly, though, I mean, being on the radio, that was that was like an added layer for you.

BiggMann:

it was.

Nancy Barrow:

You know.

BiggMann:

It was, but the dynamic to that, and I told Derrick about this. You know, I was in a position where, when I cracked that mic, I have to act like everything is like sunny days and roses, and you know. I've suffered some crazy losses being on the air and having to go on the air like nothing is wrong. And so it makes you build that wall, but you don't realize how much is really tearing you down inside. Yeah, so

Nancy Barrow:

Derrick, when you heard about BiggMann, what was your response like?

Derrick Cranford:

I initially I didn't know. Initially I didn't know what to say to him, so I just called him, and you know, just check on him, see how he's doing, and just let him know I'm there for you, whenever you need to talk, or if you, if you just need to grieve, if you just need to vent, call me. Yeah, I'm always there for you, no matter what time it is, I'm always there for you.

Nancy Barrow:

And then it happened to you.

Derrick Cranford:

Five months later, it happened to me. It was a Friday night. I'll never forget that day. Me and my wife

were on a way to bed, 11:

30 at night, and she heard a funny noise in the kitchen, and I was like, was probably DJ my son, DJ Derrick Jr. He's probably in the kitchen doing something. He dropped something. She was like, no, that was too loud to be him dropping something. So I walk in the kitchen and I see my son stretched out on my kitchen floor, like gasping for his breath. And the last words my son said to me was, "Dad, I love you, take care of my son. And he just..

Nancy Barrow:

I'm sorry, it's so.. it's so fresh for both of you. How did you get through those first few days, did you lean, you and your wife, did you lean on each other?

Derrick Cranford:

We leaned on each other. My church was my pastor of my church, she was tremendous at helping me. They would call, check on me daily, Eric would call and check on me daily, Amos would call and check on me. It was a rough time. t was a rough time.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah so you've all been friends, like you all knew Amos.

Derrick Cranford:

Me and my wife met Amos through the Greater Manchester Chamber of Commerce.

BiggMann:

And I met Amos through Derrick and Toni, his wife Derrick's wife.

Nancy Barrow:

So this grief is really raw, and it's still there for you, how did you even have the strength to think about starting a support group? Men grieve different. How did that come to fruition?

Derrick Cranford:

Just talking to Eric, and we were, we were like, you know, there's a lot of guys our age and friends that we grew up with that's going through the same thing that went through the same thing. And we need to get together, and let's find somewhere we can have a safe place where we can just let out our emotions.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, and you thought of Amos immediately.

Derrick Cranford:

My wife thought of Amos.

BiggMann:

To be honest, his wife pushed us to do it, because his wife and my wife, behind the scenes, you know, they were like, "Go ahead." And she really, really pushed us, because we were struggling with it.

Derrick Cranford:

Yeah we talked about it. We talked about it for months, and my wife was like,"You know what, you guys stop talking and do something."

Nancy Barrow:

Do you see your wife grieving differently than you were?

Derrick Cranford:

I've grown up where there's more support for women than they are for men.

Nancy Barrow:

And I think there's a stigma for men asking for help. And Amos, maybe you can jump in on this. Like, is there still a stigma, or what are your thoughts about how men grieve different?

Amos:

Yes, there's still a stigma for men. I'm a therapist, I mean, man, I cater to men, yet I have more female clients than I have male clients.

Derrick Cranford:

Because men, we black men, yeah, we think it's uncool. We're supposed to be strong, we're not supposed to break down and talk to somebody, we're supposed to keep everything bottled in, everything's supposed to be okay.

Nancy Barrow:

Like you're supposed to deal with it yourself, you can handle it yourself. Well, you know, I thought with the pandemic people were thinking differently, right? Because during the pandemic everybody was going through something emotionally, we were all trapped in our homes, you know, it was, and if you're an extrovert and you're home alone, it's really hard. Yeah, so I think mental health got a little more normalized, but still not for black men?

BiggMann:

It did for a minute, and threw it for like a stretch, a short stretch. Because during that time I was doing a show on air called, Voices. And we talked a lot about mental health, and people were open to talk about it, then it died off. Yeah, once everything opened back up, people went back to, you know, it's like, oh, I gotta get back in this normal mode, but that's not normal, because we're carrying that around. I don't know, and you know, it's probably the same, because Derrick is more of a firecracker than me. You carry that around, you carry that around, and you get angry at the smallest things.

Nancy Barrow:

That's that's what I was going to talk about. Like, where does the anger go? Like, you're angry, but who are you angry at?

BiggMann:

Everybody. Everything.

Derrick Cranford:

The world.

BiggMann:

Because it's like people try to be there for you, but everything that they say aggravates you. And for me, I got mad at myself any time that I will have a good time, because I felt guilty having a good time.

Derrick Cranford:

Exactly.

BiggMann:

Because I'm like, How am I here having my son's not here, he's been.. I felt like he was robbed of that, so I felt like I should be miserable every day. And I found a way to repurpose it and say, you know, I'm gonna do things that would make him smile, because I feel like he's looking at what I'm doing still, but it's still tough.

Nancy Barrow:

That's like a beautiful way to look at it. I don't know if a lot of people can look at it that way. Amos, how do you tell men to how to process the anger? Because there's stages of grief, right? There's obviously stages of grief. So, how do you tell people like this anger? What can you.. how do you turn it into something positive, like Biggmann did?

Amos:

So, if we, if we look at grief, a lot of people don't understand grief. Grief is human. It is expressed and understood by culture, issuing lived experience. And for black men, that's why it's hard for us, because we've been conditioned not to express our emotion. So we be strong, don't cry, take care of it. So women have been given the permission to express themselves.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah we do.

Amos:

In our men and us, we suffer in silence. It's not because the pain is less. A lot of time people think our pain is less. It's not less, it's less expressive. We turn it inward a lot of time. Most people try to push it away. We don't want to push it away. It's impossible to push it away.

Nancy Barrow:

It is.

Amos:

We have to move it. We need to repurpose it, redirect it. It's a love that's looking for direction.

Nancy Barrow:

It is right.

Amos:

We hurt because we love, because that's why when you lose somebody, the closer that person is to you, the more hurt you are.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, so I always think that grief is love with no place to go.

Amos:

No place to go. So now we need to find a place for that love to go.

Nancy Barrow:

That's interesting. And so, how has the support group helped you? How, because you've already started, you've started these groups. Yeah, and you've had meetings, and are more people going to the meetings? Are you finding that you're getting more people involved, and they're finding out about it, and so you're getting more people to go?

BiggMann:

We're getting, we're getting people to come out. I feel like, and just the amount of people who we know going through losses, we feel like there should be more. And it's not even a judgmental thing, because they're in a place where we used to be. So it's kind of understood, but at the same time it's a bit frustrating because. So we, we see where you know, over the weeks, the people who've come over and over and over again, you've seen that growth and development, and then the comfort level of opening up. You know, we've had people come one week, say nothing, and then second week maybe say a little bit, and then completely open up, because it's a safe space, it's a safe space, and it's judgment free. It's not something that leaves the room, it's, you know, let's just come in here and put it on the table. And what you start to understand is some of the things that you're going through, and you might think it's just you, some of your tendencies, some of your ways, that you, you know, you do, other people are using those same types of things, and so it creates a bonding situation, and it may eventually create a buddy system.

Amos:

Because a lot of times we carry grief in our bodies, because we, they sometimes we try to intellectualize it. But the body will remember what they mind is trying to forget.

Nancy Barrow:

That's so interesting. Yeah, that's really interesting, because it does just settle into you, right? It does just so maybe movement is a really good thing.

Amos:

That's why sometimes you know, sometimes we know that our loved one is not here, is not coming back. But our body, our nervous system, still sometimes. Oh, man, did I just say him, or I smell him, but intellectually we know, but the body remembers, the body carries it.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah. That's really interesting.

BiggMann:

Ya know what? Maybe because I always felt like, you know, I just got to keep, keep myself busy, keep yourself busy, So I mean, you witnessed this kind of close up, and I always talk about this when I lost my father. You know, he was in the hospital for five weeks, and during that time I was going every morning before I would go drop my daughters off at school, go check on him, and then go to the radio station. And so I remember this, and I actually, it's funny because I talked about it with Brittany James on the air with me at the time, she was an intern for me, I spoke to her recently, and we were talking about this, and I was like, Brittany, you saw me at a moment where I broke down in front of people for the first time. Because I went to see him, and I realized he's not coming back home. I went to the radio station. I did a talk break, my opening talk break, like nothing was wrong in the world. I gave it all this energy, "Hey Hot 93.7 ". And as soon as I turned the mics off, I broke down right there in front of the mic, almost fell on the ground, and Brittany didn't know what was going on. And I just said to her, he's not coming home, and she just like froze. And then I remember Buck saying to me, Billy, just go home, and I was like, why, what am I going to do there? I need to be here because if I go home, I'm going to go crazy. And I felt like I needed to work, and I got through that, and that was probably that day was probably one of the most taxing days on me ever, because while I was on the air, I was trying to figure out how do I explain this to my mother. Because the way that the doctors were telling it, you know, it was kind of like read between the lines and understand what we're saying, and my mother is pretty black and white, it's like, tell me, you know what's going on, but at the same time, don't tell me that. And I'm like, I don't know how to tell, and she depended on me for that, and it was tough.

Nancy Barrow:

That's a lot of pressure to hold.

BiggMann:

It's a lot to carry.

Nancy Barrow:

Sure was.

BiggMann:

And you know, I was still dealing with that. And then when my son passed, that broke me down. If you're holding on to this stuff, you know, and you can't find a way to come, come let it out with us, man. Come let it out with us. Because you may hear a story that sounds just like yours, and you might connect with that person to create a bond, and that might become your own side support group. Because right now, as it stands, we meet every other Wednesday. So, what happens for that, you know, almost two weeks? What happens if you want to let it out? You might meet someone in there, connect with them, and that becomes kind of your, you know, buddy to let it off. I mean, I reach out to Derrick and Derrick reaches out to me. If I see him put up a post sometimes. Yo, what's up, D? Man it's a tough day, man. I'm like, and I open up to him now more than I opened up before.

Derrick Cranford:

I've just.. I've learned to talk about it. The more I talk about it, the better I feel, keeping it bottled in and not showing my emotions, trying to be strong for my wife, my daughter, and my grandson, my son's seven year old son was tough.

Nancy Barrow:

Grief is different, am I right Amos?

Amos:

Yes, it's different. It goes against the other of things, because most of us, we think we've been conditioned in this Western culture, we are supposed to outlive our kids. And then when we lose a child, it hit definately deeper.

Derrick Cranford:

I've always wondered, you know, how can a parent go through something like that? And then when Bigg I saw Bigg lost his son, and I reached out to him, and I could feel his pain. And then when it happened to me, it was, it was devastating. It was really devastating. I mean, it took me months to cry. It took me months. Weeks after my son passed, I was still sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for him to come through that door at 6 o'clock and never, it's never gonna happen. Yeah. How do I explain that to a seven year old that your daddy's never coming home?

Nancy Barrow:

That's a hard one, Derrick. I wouldn't envy that conversation at all.

Derrick Cranford:

I've never turned his phone service off. I keep his phone on. I noticed that my daughter and my grandson, they called, they text his number, and I just won't open it, so they would see that it was read, but I see that they're still sending him messages, and Daddy, I love you, and I miss you, and..

BiggMann:

But to keep those things going is important. And you know, sometimes when I'm making a big decision on something, I have that conversation with him. And there's nothing wrong with having a conversation with a lot lost loved one, I think people think they look crazy when they're doing it. But to say that that person is your guardian angel, then have that conversation. I mean, you might not hear a voice back, then they come to you on your dreams. I know I thought I was going crazy when my father passed, because he came to my dreams a lot, and it felt so real. I would wake up screaming. It felt real. You know. I've had times where I think about something, and I'll close my eyes, and I can see I can see my son laughing, smiling, or something, and those moments, you know, that's like the validation. And you know, I feel like Derrick taking on that role as that father figure, that's to me, that's more than anything. That's more of honoring your son than anything else, because he asked you to do that. His last words.

Derrick Cranford:

And that's that's how I honor him. He asked me to take care of his son, and that's what I do.

Nancy Barrow:

Did you take any time off to deal with the grief and the mental health?

Derrick Cranford:

I took zero time off. Um, the most time I took, I was probably off about off work for about three days, and I just had to get out of that house. Being in that house just made me miserable, because I worked right there in my office, and my office was right around the corner from where my son passed away. And just sitting there at my desk and turning around, looking at that last spot where I saw my son, it was just driving me crazy, so I had to go back to work. I started working back to cooking.

Amos:

People keep working because we, the expectation, I'm the man, people depend on him, on me. I have to show up for people. So us men, we postpone our grief.

Nancy Barrow:

You postpone it.

Amos:

That's what we do, because we, I gotta be, I gotta be there, I gotta do that, I can't, I can't be that, I don't have time for this, I don't have time for this, we postpone, right, but it's still there, until one day.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah.

BiggMann:

I did. I took a couple weeks, and I was scared, I was scared, because instantly I started thinking, how am I gonna project like a happy person, and I don't want to go on the air and be miserable. So I was kind of running from it, because I'm like, if I go on the air and I don't sound like myself, then people are gonna call and be like, are you okay? Are you okay? And like you said, I don't want to answer that question. Yeah, but then at the same time, if I'm too happy, how can you be this happy? So I was struggling with that, I was really struggling to go back, and then I found myself some days just sitting in a dark room, and I was like, I gotta get out of here, and I really forced myself to go back. And it was, it was the first couple weeks were tough, because every day that I got off, I would just sit in the car and cry.

Amos:

Yes, it's super, super important to ask for help, especially if you feel stuck in your grief, right? And that's why it's important for us to normalize mental health, to let people know, even if you don't want to go to a professional, you can find support, go five brotherhood or a sisterhood, something where you can people you chose who can help you, who can be there with you. So, when we are hurting, we tend to isolate ourselves. Isolation is not good for us when we Invest it.

Nancy Barrow:

This is The Paid Leave Podcast, so I just want to bring in Connecticut Paid Leave, because if you went to a mental health professional and they said, "Listen, you need to take some time off of work, you need to deal with this and just take some time for yourself." You'd get income replacement up to 12 weeks, and FMLA will give you your job back, but Connecticut Paid Leave would give you, you know, money, so you don't worry about paying the mortgage, paying your bills. Like, the last thing you should be thinking about when you're going through a tragedy, like both of you did, is thinking about, you know, how am I going to pay my bills, and I just need.. I just.. I can't go back to work, like it's really hard to do that.

Amos:

What you just said. Most people don't know that.

Nancy Barrow:

Right!

Amos:

Most people don't know, and this is the thing, we've done a not a good job talking about death, grief in this culture, because a lot of people don't know, that's why most of us don't have life insurance, most of us don't want to even think about, yeah, and CT Paid Leave will pay you.

BiggMann:

I knew about it at the time, but the thing is, I want to go back home. So I was like, no, I don't want to take the time off. I felt genuinely I'll work through all of that. This, this will give me something to do, because maybe it'll take my head off of what's going on around me. I looked at that as my safe space, going to work. Yeah, because if I'm alone with my thoughts, I thought I was gonna go crazy, and you know, because I had anger and I had nowhere to put it.

Nancy Barrow:

What advice would you give someone who has just lost a child? What, what advice would you give someone, Amos? You know, would you tell them,'Hey, take time for yourself?

Amos:

Take time for yourself, take time for yourself, take time for yourself, take time for yourself.

Nancy Barrow:

Right? Use Connecticut Paid Leave and take time for yourself.

Amos:

Take time for yourself. And I'll tell people, even don't wait until you lose somebody to have a relationship with therapistsI love that. Tell people you don't have to go to therapy every week. You can go once a month. I got a client I see once every two months. So, when something does happen, you already have that relationship. It's easier to get that CT Paid Leave. Because if you just call it therapist on the first week, on the first day, they don't know you well enough, they're not gonna give you those paperwork you need. Yeah, they need to wait a few weeks to establish that relationship with you to assess your situation. Yeah, but if you only have a relationship with that therapist, it's easier to get the documentation you need.

Nancy Barrow:

I think that that's important. Do you guys look back and wish you had had time off, and maybe had taken advantage of Connecticut Paid Leave?

Derrick Cranford:

I, if I knew about it, I think I would have. I think I would have took advantage of it. But I didn't know about it.

Nancy Barrow:

What would you like people to walk away from this podcast?

Derrick Cranford:

When you're going through something, reach out to somebody, don't keep it bottled in, don't keep it bottled in. Bottling, and keeping it bottling can cause major damage to you or whoever you decide to release that anger out on, and that's where I was going, that's where I was headed, and the support group taught me how to just express my emotions in a better way.

Nancy Barrow:

That's beautiful.

Amos:

And for me the group is important because keeps the memories alive. Because grief is softened when memories alive, not avoided. So a lot of time we avoid the memories, but the group sometimes they say the name say the name.

Derrick Cranford:

That's what I was about to say. One thing Amos taught us was instead of saying my son, my son, yeah, say his name. Say his name. And when I say his name, it makes me feel better. I mean, when he first passed, it got to the point where I had to change my Facebook page because I hated seeing Derrick Cranford Senior. I hated to look at that. I know I'm no longer a Senior, Derrick Jr. is gone. So I changed my name, changed my profile, and now I'm weaning back into using that Derrick Cranford Senior. I'm going to always be a Senior, because he's still here.

Nancy Barrow:

Yeah, you're always going to be a senior, right?

BiggMann:

I think for me it's okay to admit that you're not okay. Because I ran from that for a long time. Anytime somebody asks me, no, I'm fine, I'm okay. It's okay to admit that you're not okay, and there's nothing wrong with, you know, living in your emotion. There's nothing wrong with it. Stop running away from it, because that's creating more trauma. So, so it's okay to not be okay.

Amos:

And learn how to name your emotions right. The first, for men, a lot of us, don't know how we're feeling. We know we're feeling something, but we can't even name it. Women are better at naming their emotion that way. And the first step to taking care of it is to know what is it am I feeling? Sometimes doing an emotional self check. What am I feeling right now? Where am I feeling that in my body? Is it a wave or is it something deeper? So, sometimes we got that emotional language we need to get better at.

Nancy Barrow:

I want to thank my guests, Amos, a licensed therapist who helped runs The Black Men Grieve Different support group. Thank you for helping these men who are amazing and brave and strong to come and talk about something that is so painful. And thank you for helping them with the grief with their sons. I think that's really you do important work.

Derrick Cranford:

Yes he does Yes, he does.

Nancy Barrow:

And Derrick, thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it's really fresh for you, but I feel like I kind of know a little bit more about Derrick Jr. through you, and so I really thank you for doing that. And, Biggs, you know, I'm so proud of you. You know that the grace and bravery that you showed, and doing it so publicly on the radio about your loss and real pain, and that you showed after losing PJ, so

BiggMann:

I just want to thank these guys. Honestly, thank you, man, for picking up the phone whenever I call.

Amos:

And if you're looking for a therapist, reach out to me. If I can't help you, I'll find someone who can.

Nancy Barrow:

Amos, do you have an email that people can email you?

Amos:

I have a website, people can go. Okay, so it's L Y S counseling.com okay? My last name, Lift Your Spirit counseling.com.

Nancy Barrow:

Okay beautiful.

Amos:

So give a shout to me.

BiggMann:

Hit me up on Instagram at DJ BiggMann. 2g's, 2n's. If you're trying to come to one of the sessions, we can make that happen for you. We also do it virtually, so if you're, you know, not in town or whatever. Let me know, and we'll send you a link.

Derrick Cranford:

Or if you don't feel comfortable being in a group setting. You can always log on, and we do it through our Zoom.

BiggMann:

Exactly.

Nancy Barrow:

That's fantastic! I want to thank you all for being on The Paid Leave Podcast. It was a real pleasure talking to all three of you.

BiggMann:

Thank you Nancy.

Derrick Cranford:

Thank You

Amos:

Thank you.

Nancy Barrow:

And for more information, or to apply for benefits, please go to ctpaidleave.org. This has been another edition of The Paid Leave Podcast. Please like and subscribe, so you'll be notified about new podcasts that become available. Connecticut Paid Leave is a public act with a personal purpose. I'm Nancy Barrow, and thanks for listening.

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Nancy Barrow

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