Beauty in Battle Podcast

Redefining Your Win in Marriage

February 14, 2023 Jason Benham, Tori Benham Episode 58
Redefining Your Win in Marriage
Beauty in Battle Podcast
More Info
Beauty in Battle Podcast
Redefining Your Win in Marriage
Feb 14, 2023 Episode 58
Jason Benham, Tori Benham

We're excited about this special Valentine's Day edition of our podcast, as we've brought on an amazing couple who is a part of our Beauty In Battle Marriage Mentorship program.

Tanner and Brittany Hoyt are former college athletes who got married, lived the dream life for almost five years, then moved away for business while having kids at the same time. They moved from Easy Street to Sesame Street and found themselves trying to hold on to their ever-increasing chaotic life.

But they figured out how to manage it all and grow closer at the same time. Tune in to hear their story and the practical things they've done to strengthen their relationship while managing a hectic schedule.

Also, we're excited to announce the release of our free 5-Day Marriage Challenge. This challenge will give you five keys to strengthen your connection in marriage and will help you understand your spouse in a brand new way. Lots of people are joining, so click HERE to join the fun!

Show Notes Transcript

We're excited about this special Valentine's Day edition of our podcast, as we've brought on an amazing couple who is a part of our Beauty In Battle Marriage Mentorship program.

Tanner and Brittany Hoyt are former college athletes who got married, lived the dream life for almost five years, then moved away for business while having kids at the same time. They moved from Easy Street to Sesame Street and found themselves trying to hold on to their ever-increasing chaotic life.

But they figured out how to manage it all and grow closer at the same time. Tune in to hear their story and the practical things they've done to strengthen their relationship while managing a hectic schedule.

Also, we're excited to announce the release of our free 5-Day Marriage Challenge. This challenge will give you five keys to strengthen your connection in marriage and will help you understand your spouse in a brand new way. Lots of people are joining, so click HERE to join the fun!

 Happy Valentine's Day. Everybody. . Did I say that wrong? Yeah, kind of. I did. , it's Valentine's Day.

I'm so excited. Right, actually. Okay. So up in spirit of full disclosure, it's not actually Valentine's Day when I'm recording this, but when we release it, it's gonna be Valentine's Day. So happy Valentine's Day, Tori. Thank you. I love you, . You look pretty this Valentine's Day, . Okay, listen, so Tori and I, we, we've got some special guests on here.

I'm gonna introduce 'em in just a second, but before we do, um, I got an. A little Valentine's Day announcement. Okay. Tori and I are releasing today a five day marriage challenge. It's free, it's five days to a deeper connection with your spouse, and if you go on our website, beauty and, and we'll also post this on socials to where you can click the link and you can sign up to go through a five day challenge.

Yes, and it's absolutely. It's a hundred percent free. Yep. And, and we have this really cool thing. At the end of each day we're, we're gonna share five keys. So one key each day. And these keys will help you draw closer to your spouse. At the end of each day, we teach you and we show you how to use declarations and commitments in your relationship.

That will literally, if you go through this for these five days and you use these declarations and commitments, we guarantee that you'll draw closer to your. It's awesome. It'll happen. I love it. So how about that? All right, . Good announcement, babe. Yeah, thank you. All right, so now I'm pumped today because for Valentine's for the next two weeks, what Tori and I decided to do is that we would take, um, two couples that we are, uh, that we have in our marriage mentorship program at Beauty and Battle, and we wanted to interview them.

So we're, today we are bringing on. Tanner and Brittany Hoyt live from North Carolina. North Carolina. Yeah, that's exactly right. Oh, that was South Carolina. Okay. No, you guys aren't in South Carolina. And then next week we're gonna have Zach and Andy Woodridge from Florida. So, uh, welcome to the show, Tanner and Brittany Hoyt.

Thank you guys for being with us. Thank you. Thank Carol. Thank. Yeah, we're excited and they're on Zoom, so hopefully you guys can hear them. Yes, we'll speak up, we'll speak loud. Perfect. Okay, so I'm gonna tell the audience who you guys are in just a second, because you know, Tori and I, and you guys know this, we like to start our, um, podcasts with a favorite song.

And this is a song you guys gave us. And what, who is it by again? Safety suit. Safety suit. Safety suit. And it's, what is it? Never stop the wedding version. And this was the song you guys played at your wedding, right? Mm-hmm. . Yep. It was a song we danced to the song they dance to at their wedding. Wedding version.

Never stop. Okay. You guys are gonna like this song. And Jason and I, they introduced this to us a week ago and we've listened to it quite a few times. Yes, we have. Kids like it, we like it. There's, there's a rock and roll version too. And that one's pretty good too. , that's version, that's what we want.

Alright, here we go.

I'll never stop watching that as you leave. I'll never stop losing my breath. Every time I see you looking back, me, and I'll never stop holding your hand. I'll never stop opening your door. I'll never stop choosing you, babe. I'll never get here.

Aw, I love it. Isn't that, that's awesome. That is such a good song. Hey, you know what, Tanner, you promised Brittany that you would never stop loving her and all these things. And so there you are. There I am. You even had it eight and a half years and almost nine. That's awesome. So married, uh, almost nine years, and you guys were both athletes at Liberty University.

What year did you guys graduate? Um, I finished with a Master's in 13. Mm-hmm. , so she graduated in three years. I graduated in four and a half, so they did we at the same time and we finished much, uh, further apart, but we both did undergrad at Liberty and got our masters at Liberty as well. So we see, see, and Brittany got her master's, didn't you get it in counseling and you're like, And she's like a life coach.

Mm-hmm. . And she's also now a professor at Liberty and they have two young kids and she's also an E s P commentator. And so I'm just gonna talk about Britney and Tanner. We're not even talk about you. . Tanner owns Oh, Tanner's a wealth planner with his dad there in North Carolina. And, um, CLO closer to the coast.

Right? You're closer to the coast, correct. Hoit Family Wealth Management. Is that what it's called? You got it? Mm-hmm. . See I did it. So now, so now we've got, they're in business and they've got young kids and life is very chaotic in the Hoyt household, and yet the two of them are madly in love, . So they've figured some things out.

That's right. So I, I'd like to talk about your story just a little bit, and then I wanna jump into some practical things that, um, that you guys do together. That's allowed you to draw close in the midst of the chaos because it's interesting when we talk with you guys and then when we talk with Zach and Andy who are coming up next week, um, both of you have young kids.

Mm-hmm. , both of you're very busy, uh, both couples, and yet you've, you've both figured out some really cool things to do to draw closer connection with your spouse. So, Tanner, start, tell us, uh, you guys met at Liberty and you got married. What year did you get married? And then what did you guys immediately do after you got.

Um, so we got married in 2014. Um, we dated for four years and I think what worked so great for us is we were really good friends before we started dating. It wasn't, oh, there you go. Started dating and then you get to know each other. Like, we hung out for months and came really, really good friends before we ever started dating.

Um, so dated four years, got married and then. , we were fortunate enough to both work in athletics at Liberty. So Brittany was an assistant basketball coach for the head coach that she played for. And then I was able to work in athletics in several different departments. And so in that four or five years of our life, we probably had the most fun just because we didn't have kids at the time, but we were just at games every night, every weekend, weekend's on the road, traveling, going all over the country, recruiting, probably visiting cities she never would visit otherwise, so it was just a really fun time in her.

Before the Lord bless us with kids. So, um, we look up back on those years with great memories. That's actually a really good marriage principal though. I mean, best friends, best married. I was just trying to tell my daughter this the other day. I said, honey, you, you need to marry your best buddy. Mm-hmm.

like, just find a dude who's your best buddy. And then yeah, just marry him. The attractional come. Mm-hmm. . . That's right. . Be best, buddy. So you guys were best friends. I love that, Brittany. Well, the best, the best part was, was when he like messaged me first on Facebook, because of course, all good relationships start on Facebook, right?

Of course they do. Of course we do. But I was like so nonchalant. I was just like, oh yeah, no, him, here's my number. So I gave him my number first. I just threw my number at him like, yeah, let's hang out. Like didn't even make work. Do you know what's crazy? That's so great. People don't even ask for numbers anymore.

It's more like, can you add, what did they say? Can you add me to Snap? I don't know what that means. Yeah, snap is the new thing, right? I guess I don't know what that means. We're so far removed from that. Yeah, we are removed. Yeah, we're old. Okay, so you guys met your freshman year? Yeah, we can, yeah. But we didn't start dating, I guess, till the end of our sophomore year.

But yeah, we meet each other our whole freshman year. Mm. Yeah. Yeah, we were, what kind of drew us together is we both felt like we were going through a little bit of adversity. So Britney, well, not to take your story, but she had torn her acl, well she tore it ACL one year and then her mco the next year. So like her first two years she like literally hardly played but like five games.

Um, and at the same time I was trying to walk on the men's basketball team and I'd gotten cut twice. So like I was real discouraged cuz I wasn't making the team. Britney was real discouraged cuz she wasn't playing. So it's kind of that adversity that we're both going through that drew us together. And that's why I originally like, reached out to her and like, Hey, how are you handling it?

Like what are, what are some verses you're, you know, claiming, what are you, how are you dealing with it? And that was literally Wow. Just set it off and we started hanging out every day and just became literally best friends right off the bat. See, that's great. That's awesome. You guys never stopped being best friends.

I love that. Okay, so, so you had that friendship going into, Just before you had kids, which you said you were what, four and a half years into marriage when you had your first little kid, little baby in 2014 and Grayson was born in September of 18. Yep. So a little over four years before. Okay. So you had that solid friendship in place, um, and then you had Grayson and obviously it was really easy from there, right?

piece of cake, . So. Hmm, ready. But leading up to those first four, four years, at that point, you're still in Lynchburg, right? You're still in your college town? Mm-hmm. , yeah. And then in 2017, Um, we had felt like a leading, and Tanner and I had kind of, he had a dream to always work for his dad to be, um, a financial advisor.

So we had been praying about it and we just kind of had felt the, that it was the time to, in 2017 to do that. So we left Lynchburg, which was where my home is, where my family is, and decided to move to North Carolina for him to work for his dad. And I kinda left in faith. I had nothing here, had no job here.

And, um, you know, obviously I'd been in college athletics and, and eventually wanted to be a mom. So, yeah, it was just sweet. The Lord slowly provided, um, some things for me here, but, uh, for us as a couple obviously, so we were here for about a year before we had Grayson, um, a year here. So in North Carolina?

Mm-hmm. . And how did that affect your relationship after you had kids? Oh, it's so funny because my dad used to tell me like, as soon as you have kids, like whenever you do get time away together, you'll find that you always just talk about your kids and it's so true. Oh yeah. It it, and I, I hate to say this, but I, it's hard sometimes remember what it was like being with her before kids, cuz they're just right.

So dominating now that, that's really all we know. Um, but we definitely have to fight a lot harder for time together. Yeah. I could get words in. We'd love it wouldn't change it for the world, but it is definitely, um, have to be way more intentional, which is something I'm not good at. So that's something y'all have obviously been challenging me and encouraging me on.

Um Yeah. But definitely takes a lot more of a commitment and a little bit more work than it did before for sure. Hmm. So after kind of hearing a little bit about your story, obviously there had to be this transition for you guys, and we talk about this in our book, just the importance of redefining wins, right?

Because life changes. Um, the reality of our life is, is constantly changing. And for you guys it was huge. You're going from D one athletes. Um, Britney, you began, you started to coach, and, um, and then suddenly you guys now are married and life is changing. And then kids come into the mix and it's, it's so important that we make this transition in our marriage where we redefine what the win is because otherwise it become, you lose motivat.

When you don't redefine the win, and in one of our chapters we talk about this and there's a quote that says, um, progress is impossible without change. And those who cannot change their mind. Cannot change anything, George Shaw. And, uh, we have found this so important in our marriage that we constantly keep the wins before us.

And that we're not just live living out of a past, um, these past wins, but we've redefined them and we see what, what is the win for today. And Brittany, you've actually talked about this a lot, you know, in parenting. Talk to us a little bit about what that's looked like for you guys and your relationship going from just such extreme lives, such different lives.

What has re redefining those wins look like for you? Yeah. So I think for us, you know, Tanner and I have always been very driven pre-kids. We used to go to the gym together every morning and we used to joke, you know, I couldn't speak to him on the way to the gym cuz I, it was too early for me to talk. So, um, you know, and even now, you know, we, we have a little routine that, you know, we, we value.

Honestly getting up before our kids and spending time with the Lord, but then also working out. But what we've decided is, is we kind of stagger that a little bit, and it's a win because I get to go a little bit ahead of him, and then we're in there together for a little bit and he, he's finally woken up.

So I am allowed to speak to him by six . Good job Tanner. And, but Dan, you know, and then if Grayson wakes up at six 30, it's okay. You know, and then Tanner can finish his workout. So I think there's a lot of give and take. Um, I think some of it too, Hey, thanks for unloading the dishwasher, because that was a big deal.

Like, because I, you know, if it's that and then there's like clothes be folded. So I think, and Tori, you've taught us a lot about this, of like letting things count, let it count, and. I feel like we've had to do a really good job of that to also just to stay mentally, um, just on the positive, because you know, with kids and with littles, there's always gonna be an ear infection or someone's gonna get a fever or something.

So like, just remembering like, Hey, like, I really appreciate you doing that for me. Or like, thanks for letting me work out, or, Tonight. I worked a basketball game at E C U and Tina watched the kids and, and I'm so appreciative because, you know, I was able to be outta the house for four hours, you know, and Right, right.

For me. And that was a gift. So I think just having that gratitude, um, has been huge. Of, of just like, I don't know, we're, we're a team and I feel like that that has helped us a lot from our basketball days to now. We, we are working together as a team to, to parent and to just grow. These kids up, so Yeah.

Well I think you gave us like so good, like five or six tidbits there, Brittany. Um, but, but the whole thing about gratitude and making sure that in whatever stage in life that you're in, that you just make sure that you're fostering an environment of gratitude and leaving space in your mind to thank your spouse for what they do.

Hmm. Because I mean, you guys are in a chaotic. I mean, even right now we're talking with you after your kids had to go to bed, you know, and, and Brittany, you were gone doing an e s p N, you know, commentating of, of a D one, uh, basketball or a, a volleyball game. Hmm. And, and now he, here you guys are, it's, it's later in the evening.

And yet you were very thankful to Tanner for taking care of the kids. And so you, you ta are talking about like, Fostering that environment of gratitude, but also thinking positive thoughts towards your spouse. Mm-hmm. and making sure that you stay on the same team. Now we got teamwork going on in there.

So even though that where you are in life is way different than where you guys were two years into marriage. Where you could like go catch a movie any night you wanted to. Right. If, if one of you guys weren't working or whatever. Mm-hmm. , that's way different than whenever you've got kids and you've gotta be on the same team.

So Tanner, you, you, you obviously you're an entrepreneur, you've got this practice with your dad, uh, this wealth management and um, and so obviously there are plenty of other busy professionals out there who are. And you are one of 'em. What are some things or what's a thing that, that you've done that's helped you in terms of curbing your ambition for building a successful business, but making sure that, you know what, my marriage is actually more important than that.

You, you've actually done a really good job of it. Mm-hmm. , you're the one who reached out to me and said, Hey, I want to invest in my marriage more than my business. So can we do this marriage mentorship thing? So obviously you had this going on in your. Long before we ever showed up on this podcast. So what, what was going on in your heart and what are the things that you've done to make sure that you didn't leave your marriage in the dust along with your wife and kids while you're building a successful business?

Hmm, that's a great question. Um, so for the past two or three years, I have spent a lot of time going after like designations and professional certifications for my business. Um, stuff I've always wanted to do and Brittany was so supportive of that she was on board from day one. Um, but it took a lot of time away from our family.

Like I wasn't studying at work, I was studying at home and so study for two or three years, it was me getting up at four 30 or five every morning and study. And I tried to do it and, you know, so that it didn't impact her and the kids, but the reality is like she carried a lot of extra weight during those two or three years.

And so, um, and I literally took an exam, passed it, and then that night and said, Brittany, I think I wanna go after another certification after I just, wow. Spent a year going after that one. So like, I didn't even give her. 24 hours to like recover from that one before I jumped into another one. Anyway, after four or three years of that, I felt like the Lord really telling me like, look, your wife has been so supportive and on board with you taking some extra time, bettering yourself and your career, like you really need to, you know, turn the focus back on her.

Um, wow. And so it was right around that time I was at the gym, just happened to be listening to y'all's podcast. And that's when y'all said y'all were, you know, launching a, a mentorship program. And I knew right away that, you know, even if it didn't work out with y'all, that that was something I needed to step away from.

Always using every ounce of spare time and energy I had to like, try to better myself professionally. I needed to, to re-shift and re refocus that towards Britney because I'd really kind of, I don't wanna say kick her to the curve, but I wasn't investing in us. I was investing in our business and my career.

Three times as much as I was investing our marriage. Yeah. And I think there is a time and place for that, but it, it, you know, it had gone on for too long to where Brittany and I needed to get back together intentionally, because once kids are involved, if you're not, you know, focused on your marriage, you're gonna.

Just kind of become roommates. And I wouldn't say we had gone that far, but it was definitely trending that way, that we just weren't spending a lot of time together. So, so, so was this something like when you were up in the morning spending time with the Lord, because obviously, you know, Tori and I are believers, you guys are believers and we, we always say that a, a healthy marriage is not between two people, but three people were, God is the primary partner.

Was this you getting up in the morning and spending time with the Lord and the Lord was kind of bringing conviction to. Um, or were you just slowly starting to feel that conviction over time? Like, I really need to invest in my marriage even more than all this other stuff because that, that's a powerful principle, man.

Just the desire to pour into your marriage. Not a lot of people get to that place. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. , they, they wanna pursue a marriage, but then they get married and they wanna pursue everything else. Yeah. Just placing that value, where did that start? Like how did that come to be that you started to place that value on your relat?

Yeah, it definitely wasn't like a overnight thing. It wasn't like this guy hit me upside the head. It was definitely over time. Um, and to be honest, I feel like, and I've mentioned this to y'all before, but I don't feel like there's been a lot of, a ton of men in my life that I've seen like really prioritize their marriage and act like it's cool to like love your spouse and wanna be with them all the time.

Like, sure, there's a few, but I haven't seen that like a. . Um, but you know, you and David, Jason, like seeing that and hear, hearing y'all talk about your wives as like, the most prized possession that you have, not your business. Well, that, that's kind of what probably ignited the spark in me. Mm-hmm. . Um, and I just realized too, and it's something I'm still trying to work on, but like I'm, I'm always trying to like, get better, get more efficient, get more productive in business.

And it occurred to me that like, I'm never gonna have arrived. And so like if I just keep chasing the next, you know, listen to the next podcast or read a next business book, like I, I'm never gonna have fully arrived and like conquered it. So it's like I just needed to table that. So like, I've literally just for the time being stop reading business books, stop reading or listening to business podcast just so I can like, just separate business and family and marriage.

And so, like, unless I'm at. I'm not doing anything related to business anymore. Where it used to be I'd read a book for an hour in the morning or listen to a podcast while I'm walking on the treadmill. Now, if it's not eight to five, I'm not touching anything business related. Yeah. Now, just so my spirit can be more present with both my kids and my, my family and my wife, and I love that because I, I do know at some point you are going to introduce business books and business podcasts again, but right now with your kids at the age, they are, what are their ages again?

Four and almost. Four and seven months. Yeah. So yeah, right now is not the time for you to, to, to really smash the ambition on the business side. And so what you've done is you've wisely jumped in to really focusing in on your family. Brittany, I wanna turn it to you because there are other women who are listening to this podcast who are a lot like you, who are ambitious and who do have career.

Um, and yet have maybe had to put some things on hold for a little bit because you're home with, with some littles mm-hmm. and you wanna make sure that you're raising your littles and nobody else is, but yet you, you've got dream and ambition and all sorts of stuff, you know? Yeah. And, uh, what, what would you say to, to those moms?

Because you, you, you have figured some stuff out to do, right? Because I've seen the way that you treat ta, you treat Tanner, you don't see him as competi. You don't see him as as well. He gets his thing, now I wanna get my thing. Mm-hmm. , you're very supportive and Tanner obviously is supportive of you, so you figured some things out.

What would you say to. Yeah, yeah. I'd say would say, you know, obviously with our kids being little, it, it is only a season and it is a tough one for sure. Um, you know, of just them wanting us and wanting, you know, the mom all day long. But, um, yeah, I, I know for me, I have so much drive and ambition and, and honestly, it's the Lord that has brought some opportunities into my path and I teach.

Liberty University and, and you know, if, if a mom, or if someone does have like a little side thing, it's like nap times, you know, or, or huge. And that is when I like get stuff done or I wake up really early in the morning and like, honestly I just trust the Lord with like, him being the author of Time to allow me the opportunity to, to, to do things, you know, and, and like when I work basketball games like I did, You know, I have two this week.

That's it. So it's like, you know, I'm out of the house, you know, two, two days this week for four hours at a time. But, um, yeah, I, I say that like, be present. You know what's so cool is today I had all this time that was gonna prep for a basketball game and my kid had an intersection, so I'm like, alright, Lord, you're gonna have to help me tonight on tv.

And he did. He did. And I had fun. And it was just sweet that like the Lord honored that I literally had such little time to prepare today. I mean, I had what I needed to do. It was just, it was sweet how he met me, where I was because I needed to be there for my daughter and, and I was, and um, so yeah, I would just say that like trusting the Lord with.

Your kids and with the time pockets, and believe me, I can turn a 60 minute nap time into a crazy efficiency of getting stuff done. So yeah. That's so good. One thing that I've been so encouraged by my time with you, Brittany, is that the Lord has given you so many. Talents and abilities like that few people really have.

Like you're an incredible commentator for E S P N. You were a division one athlete, not just a division one athlete, but you were one of the best on your team. And then, um, and then also, um, what was the other thing that I was thinking? You're just an overall nice person. You're nice all these degrees, so many degrees.

I remember when Tory and I were thinking about like Tanner had reached out and said, Hey, we want you guys to coach us. And then I said, okay, so tell me about you guys. And you're like, well, my wife has like 18 master's degree and she's a life coach certified counselor. I was like, oh my gosh. Maybe you should, you should counsel us.

No, but the other, I know what the other thing is, you were a division one coach, like at Right out of high school or out of high school? Right out of college. Like you. So there's so much talent, so much ability, but yet you do trust the Lord with your life and you've surrendered those things. And I think it just really does speak to the way that you trust the Lord.

And I think God has really honored that and has brought some of that back to you in, in kind of like the most perfect way. Like now you're a stay at home mom, and then on the weekends you can, you know, you're doing some commentating and um, so I just think that's such. So encouraging to me to see how the Lord has honored your trust in him and I, I believe that the Lord is going to, you know, bring some of those things back, but right now you're just completely surrendered and you're just able to take in and be present with what God has for you and you're able to see.

Just the wins in, in the mundane. Um, you're, every time I talk, I talk to you, I feel like you're like, yeah, it was great. You know, did this, and like little things have become exciting to you. The things that, um, were so exciting to you before are just so different than they are now. But you're finding joy in those little things, and I think that is, A really, really, really good place to be.

And I'm, I'm just super encouraged when I hear that. Um, and um, that's kind of what we're talking about with just celebrating the wins and redefining the wins because this is such a short season. It's so, so, so short and, uh, you've done such a good job of taking in the small moments of this season, even though it looks so, so incredibly different.

So, Bri, Brittany, I wanna, I wanna stay on this just for a second. Like, how are you able to pivot like that? Because it's not easy for people, it's not easy for a guy, you know, to be ambitious and wanna, wanna do his thing with his career, but, and then kids,

you know, and he's gotta kind of pause a little bit, especially Roman, you know, who's maybe got her own career or maybe she wants her own career. Kids come along. How are you able to pivot and just say, okay, we're gonna stop for this season. I'm gonna have a few things going on the side, but not near to what I.

How are you able to make that pivot? Like what would you say to people right now to, to a young mom who maybe is struggling with that pivot Right now? You're saying when I left, when I left Virginia and when we moved here, talking about that too. Yeah, yeah. Just, just all of it to be able to press pause for a little bit.

Yeah, so I, I would say one of it is like a major, major like time with the Lord that has to give you a piece, because I remember Tanner had told me years before we left and before. Obviously, even when we were married, he's like, Hey, I have just dreamed to work for my dad one day. I'm like, okay, cool. Well, I'm coaching college basketball right now, so let's not talk about that.

But it was sweet because I just felt like the Lord was kind of preparing me and just kind of setting some things in place. But there, the, the word that the Lord has been giving me I think for the last two years has been yield. When you knee at something, right? You pause and, and when you pause, there's, there is a sense of surrender.

So obviously in motherhood or in parenthood, there is a constant surrender indicted yourself, right? So I, I think there's a little bit of that. But what's been so sweet is that the Lord knows my heart. He knows that desires my heart better than anyone. So he knows my drive. He knows my, oh yeah. And cause of that, he has brought things in my path that I would've never.

Have planned and what was sweet. He moved here. I, I, I honored my husband. I wanted to honor him to work for his family business, what a legacy that is. Mm-hmm. . And I just trusted God with it. And slowly he has brought things in my path that were from him, and I have had the. Margin to say yes and no, which is even cooler because where we are in our marriage now, we can say, Hey, actually we're gonna say no to that because we're gonna go, our family's gonna go to the beach that weekend, so I don't wanna work that softball game.

I don't wanna work that. And it's sweet to have the margin to be able to do that. So I think the biggest thing is, When you yield and when you surrender, and then you just trust that like, God truly knows our needs rather than anyone else. Like he's gonna direct our steps and, and he has done that and blown me away with just his provision in my life.

I love that. I wanna elevate Britney there because when we left Liberty, like she literally had her dream job as an assistant coach for the team that she played for, for the coach that she drew up, like going to his camps. Like it was a dream job. She never knew she had. And so like, it was very, very difficult like to ask her to say, Hey, I thought the Lord's lead leading us back in North Carolina.

Like, can you give up your dream job so I can go pursue mine? Yeah. And like it wasn't easy for her, but she never really bad an eye either. Like, it was like, okay, like I trust God. I know like this is the desire of your heart and so I wanna allow you to pursue that. And so when we were moving here, she was like, you know, She's always gonna be, want to be involved in something, but we didn't know what her place was gonna be here, so we just prayed and she was like, you know, if I could make up a perfect scenario, what would be, you know, teaching online at Liberty and then teaching fitness classes at the gym.

And she had never done either of those. Like there was no lead in, there was no connection. Like there was literally just like grabbing something outta thin air. Literally within three or four months, she's doing both of those things. It's just incredible to see the Lord's faithfulness and, and how he rewarded her for, for taking that leap of faith.

And then on top of that, he's brought in this new gig for her, which is doing commentating for basketball, which she didn't even, that wasn't even on a radar a couple years ago. And that's now been a way for her to have college basketball back in her life without the craziness of coaching where you're on the road and you're recruiting.

Like, she literally just gets to spend three or four hours a week doing it, and she gets her fixed and then she's back at home. Um, it's been really neat as her husband to see the lord honor her, her faithfulness and, and trust that, you know, she was gonna sacrifice one thing, but he's, he's brought other things, um, into her life cause of her, her faith.

So, so good. I think of that verse, uh, without faith it is impossible to please him, but he who comes to God must believe that he is and he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. Mm. And that just to me is so your testimony, Brittany, and I think that when you have these testimonies of where your faith intercepts with God's faithfulness, then you have a testimony of trust and you're like, no, God is faithful.

I trust him. And then you move on to. And you're like, okay, I trusted him. Then it worked out. God rewarded that. And then it, it builds, our testimony builds. And so I just, I think that's a, such a beautiful testimony. I love that. And what I love about you guys is, I, I can tell, you know, and over the months that we've been, uh, doing this mentorship program with you guys, both of you are in it with each other.

Mm-hmm. like Tanner, you're all about Britney's thing. And Britney, you're all about Tanner's thing. Mm-hmm. , you know, grant. When, when you guys had to move away from Liberty in Lynchburg and come to, uh, shoot, I forget, which part of North Carolina are you in again? Greenville. Greenville. I always wanna say Fayetteville Fay, but you're in Greenville, North Carolina.

You know, that was Britney. You were practically putting your thing on hold and, and yet Tanner was always, you know, in the back of his mind, like, I wanna make sure that Britney can, can, can get her thing going. And because of that, uh, you guys have both honored each other as individuals. What we have seen is relationally that's drawn.

You guys really close together. Mm-hmm. , like, like you, you're, you're both in it with each other and, uh, and obviously there are seasons, there are times, you know, God, God knows where he's going with both of you. Who knows where you're gonna be in a decade, you know? But at the same time, so long as you guys continue to keep each other the main focus.

It's just gonna, it's just gonna get better and better. So let me, let me leave you with one more question, and I give both of you guys an opportunity to answer this. What's one practical thing that you guys either do or will do or want to do or have done in the past that's kept you connected with each other, even though you have a very, very busy lifestyle right now?

What would it. And which one of you wants to go first? I want to call on Tanner, but sometimes he's a sissy, you know, and he'd rather it, are we talking like a healthy marriage habit? Yeah, like a healthy marriage habit or whatever. You know? Maybe we should let the E S P commentator go first cuz she's always got something to say.

We're on the spot. Listen, I'm not sweating . It would be taking walks together. That's literally what I was gonna say. Well, I see you guys are on the same page. I love this. Yeah. So we walk together and um, you know, now our four year old like rides bikes, we're like, walk, you know, go faster, you know, but, but it's sometimes if he's sitting in like the double stroller with the baby and we just, we walk together and it is so, so good.

And obviously we just love to move and. Um, yeah, it just, it helps a lot. We, we go to Wilmington often and our kids are like mesmerized by the water when we're walking and we get like 45 minutes of uninterrupted time. It's wonderful. The best. Yeah, I think that's our, our one thing. Yeah. I would definitely echo that.

And it's funny because for whatever reason, when we were like out taking walks together, that's when we just like start dreaming together and we start future and we start. We're obviously thankful for where God has us now, but it, for whatever reason, just causes us to look ahead and, and start planning and dreaming together, which is obviously really fun.

Um, so it, you know, when you were talking about redefining wins earlier, one of the things that came to my mind, and this isn't super serious, is more comical, but before we had kids, it's like, all right, what are we gonna do this weekend? Are we gonna go to Charleston? Are we gonna go to like, what exotic or fun trip are we gonna.

Now it's like, Hey, do you think we can stretch our 30 minute walk to 45 tonight? And if so, like that is a major win for us. So yes, that's true. Literally the definition of a win has changed drastically. But for us, like if we can get our walk in together at night, that is truly the highlight of our day. So, um, right on the answer y'all were expecting, but it's definitely, no, that's, that's honestly one of our, that's exactly what one of ours is too.

One of our top one is taking walks together, cuz it just gives space for connection and it's intentional. So that's, Awesome. But you also mentioned that you like to dream together. Mm-hmm. , I mean, do you know the number of couples that don't talk like that anymore? They just get married and they just stay in the transactional, like, what do we gotta do with the kids?

What are we gonna do this weekend, kind of thing, rather than actually dreaming together. And I know you guys are big dreamers and, but it is one of the superpowers of your relationship and why you guys can have little kids and, and both of you can kind of have your own separate things that you're doing for means of employment.

And yet you're drawing closer together at the same time. One of the main reasons why is that you still dream together. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , you're still moving towards something, you know, without a vision, marriage is perished. But earlier when you asked me like, what was the, the moment where I realized like I was spending too much time on business and not enough time on Britney.

Like, in my quiet time in the morning, the Lord showed me that, like I had, I had such a vivid vision for like what I wanted my bus, what mine and my dad's business to look like. But I did not have a single thought of like what I wanted our marriage to look like. Mm-hmm. And so I had, you know, I had a one year, three year, five year plan, like a two page business plan for like what I wanted our business to look like, but I didn't have a single thing of what tomorrow was supposed to look like for our marriage.

And that was very convicting, um, when I realized that. And so, Tried. I'm not perfect, but tried to turn my dreaming and planning away from solely being about the business to, you know, making it the priority, being our family. I also still want our business to thrive and do well, but it's no longer the priority, like it felt like it was the last two or three years.

Oh, that's good, man. Amazing. I love that. I love that. So good. You guys are an inspiration. You know, you're still young. You're gonna make it Tanner. I'm still way better looking than you. I just need you to know that right up front. But before we go, yeah, this has been so fun. Thank you guys so much for doing this with us.

So last minute, and Brittany, I have to ask you before we, before we go, do you have a favorite recipe that's kind of like a go-to in your home that you just love, that you'd be willing to share? Yes, I have many. If you ask my four year old, he would, he would probably say banana bread, but I'm gonna go, but Tanner and him both love energy bites.

Energy bites, okay. Yes, yes. So make it energy bites. So you just have, um, they're oats and some peanut butter and honey. Mm. And then after that, it's just kind of whatever you want. We sometimes do like vanilla protein powder. Um, you can add chia seeds in there and flax. But it is really, really good. Yeah, of course.

They're a nice special treat. Yeah. Chocolate chips of course. So chocolate chips you Yes. Yeah, so like my four year. That sounds amazing. He's like, I want a smack plate. And then he gets like energy bites on there, so. Okay. That sounds so good. So yes, I will share the recipe with you and it's Okay. Perfect.

That would be awesome. It actually sounds like something that we get at CrossFit. They, they have these, I think they. Energy bites actually. Yeah, I think so. Either protein bites or energy bites. But they sound just like that and I get them all the time. Yep. So, but they're like seven 50 for two of them, so I'd rather make 'em myself.

You just put all that in a mixing bowl and mix it and then put it like in little scoops and put first I, I just did it 30 minutes. Yeah. That's why we were late cuz she was like rolling 'em all. I'm rolling out. Yes. Nice. And then do you put 'em in the fridge? Yeah. So I like milk prep them like earlier and then you let them get a little hard in the.

And then you roll 'em out and then they're good for like a week until every, all the boys in my house eat 'em all. Do you put like little chocolate chips in them? Yes. The mini chocolate bites. Ok. Okay. Mm-hmm. ? Yeah. Listen, rolling Energy bites is better than rolling Doobies . So just FYI on that. Okay. Make that the title of this podcast?


Yeah. Okay. Hey, thank you guys for hanging out with us on Valentine. Well, yes. You know, it's happy Valentine's Day to both of you. Yes, likewise. Thank y'all. And Valenti. And let me say to our listeners one more time, don't forget, sign up for our five day free. We're gonna give you five keys to draw a deeper connection to your spouse.

You're gonna get five emails. Actually, you know what, you're gonna get six because we're gonna give you a bonus key on how to draw closer to your spouse. So go sign up for Tanner, Brittany, thanks for hanging out with us. Yes, you guys are, are the bomb. Let's, uh, let's talk some more and maybe, you know, Britney, maybe you can coach us since you're like the certified coach and all this , we need help.

Good hang. So fun. Thank you guys again. Bye. All right, listeners, we'll talk to you guys next week and we'll get a chance to, uh, talk with Andy and Zach Woodridge. We'll see you soon. See you guys.