Episode 11: Trying & Crying

What impact does emotional intelligence have on success? This week, Kristelle and Jace delve into the often overlooked "human side" of professional mastery.  You may not see it on the front page of Forbes, but the road to success is paved with tears.  But fear not, it's not as heavy as it may seem. Tears come in all forms, and together we'll explore another secret weapon of success - the power of crying!  Through personal tales of tears, we'll uncover the strength of embracing emotions in both our personal and professional lives.

We are pulling back the curtain on the hidden emotional journey that often accompanies the pursuit to success. Join us as we navigate the highs and lows, striving and crying, on our quest for fulfilling lives!

A Siarza Production
Hosted by Kristelle Siarza Moon & Jace Downey
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza Moon
Producer: Jace Downey
Video/Editing: Justin Otsuka

Watch episodes at siarza.com/siarza-podcast
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www.misskristelle.com
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www.jacedowney.com

Transcript

Kristelle: 0:00

Tears. How did we come up with this topic? Do you remember?

Jace: 0:04

You sent it kind of later at night one night and here's like late night idea Tears and I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to check in with her tomorrow morning. Perhaps she is currently crying right now, I don't know. I don't know.

Kristelle: 0:18

We have a fun topic for today's conversation, about tears. I like how every single so I've been listening back to the different podcasts and how we've started each podcast. Yes, and I giggle because it's just constant laughter for like a good minute. Have you like listened back at yeah, uh-huh, this is a constant laughter. I don't think we'll ever have like a slated start to the show like scripted Right like this week on stories, success and stuff.

Kristelle: 0:49

Yeah, that's probably not how it goes. My name is Gwen Eiffel.

Jace: 0:52

No, none of that. Okay, sounds good. Maybe we'll mix it up sometime. We'll see.

Kristelle: 0:57

And you know this is an interesting topic for us to talk about today, specifically because we have a guest in the room. We have to mention we have three guests in the room.

Kristelle: 1:05

We have three guests in the room.

Kristelle: 1:07

And talking about this topic. At first you're like oh, is this depressing. That person asked oh, is this depressing? I have to give a shout out to Sophia, our intern here at CRSA, who is behind me. I can look, I can't see her, and she goes oh, is this a depressing topic? And I'm like no.

Jace: 1:28

I don't think so, which actually brings up a fantastic point that I'll circle back around to.

Kristelle: 1:33

Because you have to make sure we introduce the two other guests in the room too, Right? You can't see?

Jace: 1:37

them, but you might hear them. If you hear really weird breathing or panting, it's not us. We have no, there's no weirdo in the room, but my dogs, charlie and Indiana, are kicking it with us today. You can meet them on our team page at CRSAcom If you wanna know who they are. They're around the office quite a bit, and if either Crystal or I have weird faces going on, it's because there's a lot of dog fart happening as well and it's not great, I thought it was me, it could be okay.

Jace: 2:10

well, I was gonna. I just wanna reach over and pet them, I know.

Kristelle: 2:14

So the topic today is tears. So we've had some really fun topics like squad Fun. It's all fun yeah, that wasn't. I mean the fun episode was the funnest for sure. But this one I said you know we wait. So how do we prepare for the show? Right, we say okay, so what are we talking about today? We have a list of 20 topics and we kinda see what are we feeling today, what are we vibing on today, and this one, I think, hit it's a for real topic. You know, we talk about what people have told us like oh, you know, there's no shiny picture of success in entrepreneurs, being an entrepreneur, being in business, everybody thinks it's all peachy and you have to grind it out, et cetera. But people forget about the human part of being human, and so this is definitely one of those topics, I think Tears. How did we come up with this topic? Do you remember?

Jace: 3:08

You sent it kind of later at night one night and here's like late night idea Tears and I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to check in with her tomorrow morning. Perhaps she is currently crying right now, I don't know.

Kristelle: 3:19

I wasn't Okay, Because but I think I remember what prompted me to write that late night Slack message. I think either I had cried the night before or I was at the brink of it and I said, oh, this is going really good.

Jace: 3:43

I'm gonna tell this story at some point soon, yeah.

Kristelle: 3:47

So if there was somebody that could probably remember the amount of times that I've cried about the business and we have team members here that have been here for a year, like you, three years, four years, seven years, seven to eight I would say there's only one person who's not even on payroll that's probably heard me cry about the company the most, and that's my better half, spencer, and I think we were going. I think that's what it had prompted me to write that late night Slack message, but I had, I was crying while I was, and it would have been okay if you were yeah, and I think so, you know if we were to walk away about that conversation of tears. When you see the perception of a C level or a business owner, what do you think? When they're not talking about tears, sadness, stress et cetera, like what is your perception of a business owner?

Jace: 4:40

As soon as you started talking and I was picturing that my heart just got so heavy with compassion. Running something is hard. It just it's a ton of work. There's a lot that goes into it. It's a lot of hats.

Jace: 4:51

One must wear a lot of things to keep in mind all the time, a lot of pressure, and then there's such an aloneness to it no one can carry it with you. You can have a settler team and everyone can be in their role in a really impressive way, which is how this company is run. I was just talking about it with someone else on the team. They're like how is this? How is everybody so well positioned? And I'm like that's what great leadership does. So all of that can be true. No one will join you at the top. They can't. There's never gonna be the same amount of pressure, and so there's just so much that exists at the top level that's done alone, and we're not meant to do things alone. And so there are those late night cry sashes or screaming in the car. There's a really unpleasant part of success that we don't honor often with words. Yeah, and it's this one. It's tears, it's crying. There's so much crying.

Kristelle: 5:51

Well, so it was so much crying and success.

Kristelle: 5:54

It was so funny because I remember. So, if you haven't been to the CRS offices here in Albuquerque, we have different rooms, right, we have our conference room, which is our collaboration room, we have my office, we have the business office. Everybody our account executives or directors have their own private spaces, but our supply room it was so pissed. It was so pissed. So our supply room beautifully organized If you want a snack, if you want the waters, if you want staples, even though we're mostly a digital company. But we have staples in there.

Jace: 6:23

We got to say if you need them, we got them. I mean not for you, like you can't come get staples from our office, but if we need them, we have them.

Kristelle: 6:29

So originally I wrote it as the quiet room because there actually is a table there with a refrigerator, so if somebody's nursing, somebody needs some private time, somebody needs to take a phone call that you know you don't want anybody to hear. Somebody calls it the cry room and I about died. I was like, well, that's fucked up, and yet we still joke about it as the cry room and I thought it was funny. But I said, well, I didn't want to create that kind of culture where people needed to cry.

Jace: 7:00

But it's not okay. You could create that where you're making people cry because of this being unpleasant, and then there's just the reality of life and a job and clients and demands and deadlines. That then sometimes comes out through your face Like that's just part of it as well. Like I walked in on someone who was I checked in cause I knew she was having a tough time, shift, tough client and so I'm like hey, girl, how's it going? And she just like right away, was like nope and crying started. And she was so embarrassed and I'm like nope, no, no, no, no, absolutely not. It's such a healthy thing, it's a natural thing.

Kristelle: 7:38

And I told her honey.

Jace: 7:40

I cry in my office kind of regularly, like you'll. I don't even go to the cry room. I've spent so much money and therapy to be able to cry that wherever it's happening, it's happening and everyone can just deal with it and it's okay, like whether it's work stuff or you know, I've got an aging doggy and that's the. It's a very new experience for me and that brings up a lot, or just life or whatever, and sometimes it comes out, it just comes out.

Jace: 8:07

Liquity through. I don't know my face and it needs to happen and it's okay. And I, you know I was like you don't have to be embarrassed. Crying is not embarrassing Crying is not embarrassing.

Jace: 8:15

Having emotions is not embarrassing. Feeling your feelings is not embarrassing. There's nothing strong about armoring up Like you. Tell me, if you were on the battlefield and you saw someone come in like a big, you know machine robot thing, it'd be like, okay, that'll probably do some damage. Then you see someone come out, butt naked, no shoes on no clothes, with just a sword. Who is the stronger person? Who's the scarier person? Who are you not gonna mess with?

Kristelle: 8:39

I feel like that was a comedian who had mentioned that specific story recently.

Jace: 8:43

Really. Yeah, no but they're taking my material.

Kristelle: 8:46

Yeah, no, I'm trying to remember who that comedian was, but it's true, Was it me?

Kristelle: 8:49

No, it was not.

Kristelle: 8:50

I'm sorry, it was something on Netflix, I think, but you know, think about it, right. So when somebody in the office is at the brink of tears, are they crying because of the environment that they're in or the situation, right? And so at what point did we as a society have to feel like we have to apologize for that? That's my question. Right, and I remember one of our, you know, talking about human resources, like in this particular position, human resources we had a team member that when they leave, when they were leaving, we do an exit interview. Right, it was the.

Kristelle: 9:41

We had a human resource director in the room and she was there and she said this was the saddest, happiest exit interview I've ever set in on. And I said what do you mean? She said she didn't want to leave. You could tell every emotion she felt was a raw emotion. She did not, but she knew she had to do what's in the best interest of her and you guys supported that. Fast forward, fast forward to the fact that she said it was the saddest exit interview that we ever did, because everybody was crying, we all were crying because, like, that's human emotion, absolutely human emotion.

Jace: 10:25

And I think that even thinking about leaving this company and sitting in that room with y'all like I'm gonna cry.

Kristelle: 10:32

I'm just even thinking about it.

Jace: 10:35

Surely the day will come, yeah, even a point in life, yeah, and I'm like oh it hurts, it's gonna hurt my heart, yeah.

Kristelle: 10:42

And that's the thing it's like. When, at what point did human resources or human resource departments and companies not allow crying or not allow tears? I don't. I think every single time I've left an organization before CRSA I was weeping. Yeah, and it hurt when somebody else didn't feel that same raw emotion as I did.

Jace: 11:08

They're just weirdly like yes, your severance package will be on your desk, Please get out.

Kristelle: 11:13

Yeah, no, this one was. I remember when I left one particular part and the individual said. The individual said well, you'll still be here in the city, won't you? I said no, I've never come to be anywhere. Fine, that's not relevant.

Kristelle: 11:32

You have no fucking emotion too.

Kristelle: 11:33

I'm so pissed. I will never forget that one, okay. So if a leader don't put me in this scenario, okay, if a leader is in tears about a business situation not a human resource situation like a business situation, no matter what industry that might be and whether it be public relations, marketing, retail, construction, if you were a team member, being maybe a middle management person or an individual line worker, and you saw the boss cry, what would be your?

Jace: 12:14

thought have I just happened upon them crying? Or they're giving a presentation and crying Like they're giving a presentation and they're crying Context? It depends what they're crying about, but to me I would trust that person more. I would have more respect for that person. I would feel more connected to them. I've given up a long time ago that crying is weakness or any human emotion aside from anger. I don't know why we've let anger slip through like that. That's an okay emotion. Let's write that down as a topic for another podcast Anger yeah, that's a good one.

Jace: 12:48

I had such an embarrassing situation with anger yesterday. Anywho, yeah, to me I would appreciate that component Now if they were crying all the time. A new conversation needs to happen. Yep, oh, yeah, that's.

Kristelle: 13:03

That's a very valid thing to do, I think. I think companies should potentially not reward, but consider do you need to take a walk outside? Or changing the wording about taking a break Is it? Do I need to take a walk outside? Do I need to take a smoke break? Do I need to take a coffee break? Why can't we say do you need a minute to cry?

Jace: 13:29

Right, do you need a minute to breathe. I support this, but not to ask that they leave to do it, oh yeah it's a great point yeah. Because that's like oh, this is about to be uncomfortable for the rest of us. Please exile yourself away from our presence so we don't have to feel slightly uncomfortable for a short amount of time. It's amazing how much we do to avoid feeling slightly uncomfortable for a short amount of time. We'll go to weird lengths to not feel that.

Jace: 13:54

But yeah, if it was like you know, if an athlete gets hurt, what does everybody do? They worry, no, they take a knee. I mean like in that moment, right, you go down and you.

Kristelle: 14:03

Yeah, they're worrying while they're taking a knee. Yeah, you take a, you pause and you Can you tell them I'm not an athlete, I'm like you're the sports one I thought this was. I was like she'll know For sure she's doing the football and the things they take, a knee they take a knee, they honor it.

Jace: 14:15

They go whoa. Let's all pause down. Let's take a moment, let's be quiet, let's get down to their level, let's honor this moment and let them do what needs to be done. Why couldn't we just do that with crying?

Kristelle: 14:29

So a perfect example, I think, of that when the tears genuinely flowed was when Damar Hamlin had gotten to cardiac arrest in the middle of the game in the first second quarter of the Cincinnati. I know now I'm sounding like a sports podcaster, but hear me out.

Jace: 14:49

No, no, no, no, no. Now I'm like more context, more counter who this is football player or Cincinnati Got it?

Kristelle: 14:54

So, since he was a Buffalo Bills player playing against the Cincinnati Bengals, he had the unfortunate situation where he was just elbowed by a player a very good defensive player and he had the ball and all of a sudden a defensive offensive player and all of a sudden he just got hit in the chest with his shoulder.

Kristelle: 15:15

It was the wrong time to be hit in the chest by milliseconds, because that's what put him into cardiac arrest, because all of a sudden and I see it very vividly in my head at this moment he just collapsed on the field and so everybody around him, everybody around him took a knee. But it wasn't until the tears started to flow, where people said something's not right here, and all of the broadcasters and everybody froze. And that was the most human moment in the NFL and its entire history, because they have people talking, pr people giving about the stories of the players, or the journalists trying to make sure they're humanizing this player. No, no, no. That was the most human I've ever seen the NFL, because they took a knee and grown ass men were weeping in fear because they thought he had died on the field, right, and so those moments are. I think it's unfortunate that it has to be a tear to humanize a person, especially in leadership.

Jace: 16:27

But it happens Except except, yes, and we see grown men crying, we go, whoa, this is a momentous situation that's happening. Let's all pause down If we think about, with no names, a female political figure who cried publicly oh, she's emotional. Oh, she has no control of her feelings, oh, she's erratic. So it's different, right, Very much so how tears are seen, and so it makes sense that there's some tactic that goes into like, oh, better not show this. And all these things like how did I would like to know. Like I'm sure this wasn't orchestrated.

Jace: 17:05

But at some point we decided like, oh, we're gonna have no emotions, except like, everything's fine. Oh, just, we're all great all the time and I've got this fake-ass smile on and we're fine, right, like, and then we thought this is gonna work out. Well, let's shove everything else aside. We'll compartmentalize all of our existence where we spend the most of our waking time, at our job, and we're gonna turn out as a super productive, healthy, functioning, happy society and we're gonna have no backlash to this at all. Oh, and, by the way, let's start it with boys at about three years old. I'm sure that won't show up in aggression and violence later.

Jace: 17:42

Like, what was the thinking with this? We have all of the things for a reason. Stuff is built in for a purpose. Laughter, tears, anger, shivering Like it all comes built standard for our optimal health and happiness. And tears are a really big part of that of actually moving the energy and releasing the energy that's being stored up, that otherwise turns into dis-ease, and all of this stuff in our bodies because we're supposed to release it. And guess what one way is to do that? And it's super healthy it's crying you better believe it.

Kristelle: 18:15

So what is the? What do scientists say? That the? This is the moment where I sound like a dumbass. What is the dopamine serotonin? When you laugh, it releases.

Jace: 18:26

All of those things endorphins, oxytocin, all of those things, yeah, we like that.

Kristelle: 18:30

That's the medical term. Okay, so laughter All of the things. Yeah, laughter lets out all of the things. Tears let out all of the things they do. Laughter and tears Best case scenario.

Jace: 18:42

Best case scenario. Right yeah, kind of like along the lines of what you're saying.

Jace: 18:46

So yeah, Feel all of the things. There's nothing weak about that. I grew up where to have emotions was seen as a weakness. You never wanted to seem vulnerable. I come from back back, back, back back back back of just trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma. Both sides of my family, like a lot of families, that generational trauma. And so to be vulnerable is dangerous and to have emotions and to show them put you in that space of vulnerability which meant you could be in danger, and so it just wasn't acceptable and it was never spoken directly, like never feel feelings, but it was exemplified. You watched it each time and man did. That lead to some issues in my life and we're trying to break that, my sisters and I in our generation, to feel the feels, to do it as a family, to do it together, to watch the resolution happen together.

Jace: 19:36

We do it with the girls my niece is like we're trying to switch it up, Cause now the world is starting to see oh, that wasn't a great plan. Not feeling the things happening was not a great plan. I think we're trying to break out of that. And then, how do you do that and still stay professional and still have it be a workplace like this and still be seen to have that trust and credibility as a leader, but also be human? I'm not going to be one to say that we're in an easy time. I think we're in a messy time where we're starting to figure like, how do we do all of this? How do you do it as the leader of this company?

Kristelle: 20:10

So I think about. So I spend a lot of time making sure that I'm whole myself, right? Because you have said this. We referenced this a long time or recently, where you had said it's important for the leader to take care of themselves so that way the staff can see that leadership and it reflects upon each other.

Kristelle: 20:36

And I've noticed, when I'm emotional or when I have bullshit that I'm dealing with, and it reflects among and I've shared it among the company, or if the company is at a pressure point as a whole, it does very much ripple throughout the entire organization. So if you're asking me, like, how do I deal with the bullshit of stress, I think I have to tell the team when I'm out, and I have to tell them why I'm out, not because I don't want to be self-conscious about the fact that we were at a golf tournament for a client I'm not going to feel guilty about that necessarily. I want them to know that there is a way to have fun and there is a way to take time for yourself, even through a five-day work week. Right, it was work-related, but it was definitely fun, right? So I also think about having conversations like this, right?

Kristelle: 21:33

You know it's a fantastic topic to talk about right in front of Sophia as an intern, because I want her to know that I have panic attacks, right. I have panic attacks where I sit in the corner of my closet at home and I can't breathe, but there's just short breaths and tears coming out and maybe I can feel I definitely can feel my heartbeat, but maybe there's me like sitting in the fetal position. I want her to know that that's very normal for a C-level to do and my home is a safe space where I can do that, where I can let myself go. I can let myself cry it out, bitch it out, scream it out, huff it out, whatever that might be. I mean dance it out, dance it out, whatever you gotta do.

Kristelle: 22:24

Yeah, and I think you know how do I deal with the tears and the stress of tears. While I can try to focus on the happy tears, I find myself happy crying more than sad crying, and a perfect example. Circle back to that here in a minute, but I definitely think that a perfect example. The Counselors Academy is a section in PRSA, public Relations Society we were talking about at the conference. What do we want to talk about? Who do we want to talk about? What type of guest speaker?

Kristelle: 22:58

And I raised my hand very quickly and I said we need to talk about the mental health of a business owner. We need to talk about the mental health as agency owners, with the liability of other people at our expense. Like, we are responsible for a lot of things and I think it's very important that we talk about it. Sit down, and so they got a person who has a mental health background that is also an accredited public relations person, and we're like, please talk about the importance of being whole as an individual or being okay of it not being whole as a business owner, as an agency owner, because we need to start talking about those things more often than not.

Jace: 23:40

Absolutely, because otherwise we're trying to do it alone and we think there's something wrong with me. Because I'm looking at these other owners or people in my position, or peers or whoever, and they seem like they're handling it totally effortlessly. No issues, no problem.

Kristelle: 23:54

But since when are we all made?

Jace: 23:56

the same and we aren't. But just knowing, like you were saying, were you exemplified where you might say I'm working from home today because I'm dealing with this, this and this right. Then, when this, this and this comes up for me which it's going to because I too am a human in the world I go. You know what I know? It's okay to be in this experience and maybe my 100% today isn't beast mode like it was two days ago. But that's okay too, because we're going to be in this through a long term scenario and we get to have all stages of humanity be part of that and benefit it. Like we. We work with the people, we deal in people, and to separate ourselves from the people experience doesn't actually help us do our job.

Kristelle: 24:40

To pivot a little bit. I talked about I'm mostly happy crying than anything Like I think about you know, our, our offices, our headquarters, if you will. And when it was, I'll never forget the moment where sometimes crying for me is not about not just about sadness, not just about happiness, it's also a sense of relief. Yes, so I walked into our new office after it was totally done. We were doing a Catholic blessing in the office and the priest was walking around. It was when he, I know we did this.

Jace: 25:15

I'm just thinking was it an exorcism? No, no, no it's a, that's what we do.

Kristelle: 25:19

You throw the holy water and you bless the office for good juju, good aqua.

Jace: 25:23

Yeah, we'd smudge, it, yeah, yeah.

Kristelle: 25:25

So the priest was walking around and it was when I shit, you're not. It was when the holy water started spraying all over the walls. I was just like oh, like the tears like came out and I was so relieved. I was relieved that this office construction was done. I was happy that the staff was here and it made it feel like family. I was definitely like so glad that we're fucking done right, and I remember that feeling of like unexpected tears in front of the team.

Jace: 26:05

That was a moment of relief, yeah right, and accomplishment too. I would imagine Like you have an office that you fill with people and you pay all of us to do jobs. Like that's pretty frigging cool. And it had just grown and expanded. And now you have like physical space and I know you're not big on like status things and whatnot, but like that is a cool moment, you've got a freaking cool thing.

Kristelle: 26:27

Yeah, like you know.

Jace: 26:28

So there's that sense too, like holy smokes. All of the work and the blood, sweat and tears that go into Finally came to fruition.

Kristelle: 26:34

And here it is.

Jace: 26:35

So like that's absolutely true, mentioning a flex.

Kristelle: 26:40

This got me into happy tears. You haven't read it yet. I have no idea what is about to happen. In a previous conversation that we had, we talked about Ed, our business manager. Love it Dress is like a bum sometimes. Surfer Beach bum yeah, beach bum Different. So Ed wrote to both of us today and Justin, our producer the reason why we're all here and with a great video hasn't heard this either. Ed said last night I watched one of the podcasts where Crystal asked Jayce to explain to people. Explain me to people that didn't know me.

Kristelle: 27:22

You were explaining who Ed was right. Sure, he said. I know that I'm a success now because the smile on both of your faces meant that my title here as ambassador of happiness, which is the most important thing that I do at this company Nope, here it comes. Yep, no matter what title anyone gives me, is the title that I take the most pride in and the one that I try to do my best to do.

Kristelle: 27:52

The kind words that Jayce said about me only made me feel honored to work for our organization, and the only thing I regret the only thing I regret is that my mom isn't around so I can show her I lived my life exactly the way she taught me, and that I'm truly a success in every aspect of the word. Why? Because I make people smile, which is my only goal in life that I try to achieve every day. And then he has these stupid emojis. But it's so.

Kristelle: 28:21

Of course he does, oh God.

Jace: 28:25

Well, and here is him in action. Had such a tough morning middle of the night cleaning up explosive diarrhea, again in the morning breaking up two dogfights, like it just was a rough morning. I'm like all cut up, scratched up. My life includes way more poop than I ever would have.

Kristelle: 28:47

I got really confused when you started talking about explosive diarrhea Not from me, I guess.

Jace: 28:52

I should specify Aging doggy nerve issues, gi issues. We're trying everything, we're working on it, but his new food had an unfortunate reaction so I was grumpy. I'm watching my sister's play, so I'm coming in from the mountains, and it was late, whatever tough morning, so I walk in. I got all my shit. It's like I'm just you gotta pass on All the china shop.

Kristelle: 29:15

that's what I call it.

Jace: 29:16

Get the dog stuff and my work stuff and my lunch stuff and the podcast stuff and it's just like, and he's like good morning.

Kristelle: 29:23

Cause he's at it and I just glared at him and I'm like morning. Just really.

Jace: 29:27

And he's like what is happening and I said I'm sorry, I'm grumpy, I'm having, I'm pretty grumpy man and he just goes nope, come here, Come here. And he gives me the biggest hug. And he's like you're good, jace. It's all good, you're good. And I just, like he'd like, tried to let go and I was like, nope, we're still hugging and I so needed it. I so needed it. That's awesome, he always comes through, yeah.

Kristelle: 29:51

Oh, and I think it's when that's an example of like the happy tears that often happen in this office, in any, in any case, scenario. I think trying to think of another time where, all of a sudden, the tears oh, perfect, perfect example where I didn't expect the tears to happen, but all it took was a look. So I was at the state, new Mexico state legislature. It was this historic joint session for the New Mexico's Asian Asian day, api and HDA. It's something that's forever in statute now, but they originally I was the backup to the backup to the backup speaker, the back. The original intention of a joint session, which is really rare, was to actually have a specially elected individual come into town, and she didn't make it so fast forward. This is my ABC hat, right. They said, hey, we would like for you and your colleague Saachi, what does say? Saachi is the executive director of the Asian Family Center and we'd like the two of you to speak at the joint session. We're like, well, this is a big deal, okay, so Saachi prepares a speech, we go over it, we talk about it, Great, she crushes the speech and then, all of a sudden, I get up there and I start talking about Asian American day, api and HDA is founded by my aunt.

Kristelle: 31:27

I get always get incredibly emotional about talking about her she I talked about her in the mentor episode. The only way that I won't get emotional is if time continues to pass longer. And I was talking about how this was a mission of hers and this was one of the first things her, she, had done. And then all of a sudden I look at her friend. The last time I saw her friend was when we were at her funeral and I see her friend and I say I say her name, I say her friend's name who is representative Patricia Roybal Caballero. And I look at her and I said literally it's on the record.

Kristelle: 32:09

I say representative Caballero, please don't make me cry. And we just had a moment in front of 500 to 750 fucking people in the roundhouse and we're just like crying about the fact we missed somebody, we lost somebody. Grief, the grief that we equally shared about my mentor. I just remember that was one of those ones where it's like where did that come from? Like it's in there, right, it was one of the most surreal moments and it was one of the most, if I could say that there were moments where I remember like did I make history? That was a historic moment and I cried during it too.

Jace: 32:47

Which sounds appropriate to me. It's a milestone, very much so, absolutely. Yeah. Like where does it come from? And grief is different. Grief is not linear by any means. It lives in us and we have these milestones where then, all of a sudden, what once was okay in the day to day all it's like oh, now this person isn't here to witness this, like Ed's mama or your mentor. And then it's back again. Right, because it's very there.

Jace: 33:10

But oftentimes things come up because we haven't actually processed them. So I like to talk about processing in the present. So if you see me in the Dallas airport with tears and snot in my hair because I'm crying true story I'm processing in the present. Yeah, because I don't wanna store all of that stuff and then have it come out sideways, have it come out through anger or an explosion or addictive behavior or whatever it is, because I just haven't processed it. So, as I was telling my colleague, like no, I just cry sitting at my desk, I'll just be working, quietly, crying, and just keep at it, because there's stuff that's gotta be done and it's just happening. Right. Then I know, or a pause, I absolutely will, especially as I've been doing the greeting process.

Kristelle: 33:51

I really encourage you to pause, because I do. I feel guilty. No, I do.

Jace: 33:56

And sometimes I work from home because I'm just really struggling. I have a grief counselor now an anticipatory bereavement counselor to deal with Charlie stuff. But I will all like pause down and just cry it out and then it's all good and just allowing that space. But sometimes it's just they're just coming, there's nothing to be done about it, it just kind of keep in motion and that that's okay too, like there's nothing wrong with that. But yeah, processing in the present is so important and so many of us fear that because we don't know what to do with it.

Jace: 34:24

I used to think if I start crying I'll never stop. So I didn't even wanna start. I had so many years of crying to do that. I was afraid to open the floodgate. Like I thought, well then I'll just never stop crying because I was holding so much sadness, so much pain every day. I lived in emotional pain every single day from childhood, abused stuff that just didn't get dealt with until I was an adult and like I was so afraid of even side eyeing it. Like well, if you look at it at all, it's never gonna stop.

Kristelle: 34:58

I remember along the same lines. We were talking about childhood. I remember having and I lived with a lot of mom guilt. I didn't have custody of my son until he was eight years old and I had to leave him behind so that way because of a terrible non-compete. And I remember one moment where I was with Kido and I still feel very guilty that I said it to him because I don't know if it came out the way that I intended it to.

Kristelle: 35:28

Long story short is that he wanted something and he just started crying about it and it was something very erroneous, like a toy, a book, a show, et cetera. He just started to cry. And I feel bad and I still ask myself was this the right thing for me to say? I said there are appropriate times to cry, kido, there are appropriate times to cry.

Kristelle: 35:53

There are appropriate times to cry, like when you get hurt, or somebody makes you mad and you're frustrated, or you're upset at me for something that you said, or you get hit in the face or something like that, like pain, like actual pain, like it's okay to cry. It's not okay to cry when it's something that you don't get your way from or you want something, but we're not seeing eye to eye about it and it's very materialistic or something like that. I remember telling him that I was like, please stop crying, only for the things that really don't matter, but if it's things that are very important or they are emotional, like, it's okay to cry. I don't know if I should have said that to him or not.

Jace: 36:47

I'm not asking at the same time.

Kristelle: 36:49

I have some thoughts on that, but no, I'd love to hear your thoughts. But I'm not asking for forgiveness from him on that front. I just wanted him to know that there's a right way to express your emotion of it, but I also didn't want him to be the boy that's like. Well, my mom told me never to cry and that was ultimately what I was trying to prevent, right? So I don't know. That's my thoughts on that.

Jace: 37:15

I think disappointment is one of the things we do not teach kids or even adults how to deal with. That's what's happening, right, like I want it. I want what I want when I want it and I want it. And when it doesn't happen, you don't have to deal with that. If you don't, we do, because we all. I want what I want when I want it, and sometimes the universe doesn't see eye to eye or my employer or my you know whoever in my life. We disappointment is something that comes with us through our life and people that just go as part of life suck it up. That's our instructions for disappointment. We don't really talk about how to process that and we use the tools we have right. And when we're kids like I, can go oh, I'm experiencing disappointment, I wanted a thing and that thing didn't happen and I can self-soothe and whatever right, like thanks, therapy, I've done my stuff. But kids, they use the tools they have and tears are one of them, and then we cut them off from their tool.

Kristelle: 38:08

Oh yeah, no, this was when he was like 10. That's a kid.

Jace: 38:12

Yeah.

Kristelle: 38:13

Yeah.

Jace: 38:14

And a kid get like even. I know adult people, grown up, adult people who don't go. Oh, I had wanted this thing and then that didn't happen. And for these reasons and now I'm processing this, but no, they just scream or they yell or they lose their shit or they're unkind, like because we don't learn about how to deal with disappointment. And crying actually is a great release because when we are disappointed, we're in a victim state. I wanted something and it didn't happen. This happened. You know, something was taken from me or whatever, and if we can just cry and let it out, then it's gone. Then we don't store it Like animals don't have the same disease issues we do, because they process immediately.

Kristelle: 38:50

They process immediately.

Jace: 38:51

No one has told them to stop doing that. Yeah Right, it's very interesting.

Kristelle: 38:56

The free will or the conscious aspect of an animal.

Jace: 38:58

Yeah, no, that makes sense. We have to have a whole conversation on free will.

Kristelle: 39:02

Yeah.

Jace: 39:03

Cause I have many thoughts on that, but the just being in it and, like you, you talked about your closet as your panic room in a way. Yeah, what is the kitchen floor? Even when I was a little kid, this like rags rug, you know, and they like take a bunch of materials and then they weave it together as a rug. I remember it very well and anytime I was upset it was the kitchen floor. As an adult, to this day, I'm on the kitchen floor crying, yeah.

Jace: 39:27

When I'm really upset, that's I don't know why. That's my go to spot and I can't tell you, either when it was running my own business or any of the endeavors how often I was on the floor crying. And no, I'm not weak and no, I'm not like. Every little thing bothers me. I'm a tough SOB and I'm a human and stuff sucks and it's hard and there's pressure and something didn't turn out the way I wanted, or it worked really hard and then it just didn't happen, or I'm broke or my feelings got hurt or whatever. Right and to be like suck it up and we just have to deal with it. No, I spent much time on the kitchen floor. Less and less as I've gone on, yeah, but that is part of success. Whether it's a closet or your car or the kitchen floor or whatever, crying is absolutely an essential ingredient for success. Yep.

Kristelle: 40:19

Yep, 100%. We are running out of time, so we definitely want to make sure I thought I keep talking. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I know this is such a heavy topic, but we're running out of time and it's not yeah.

Kristelle: 40:30

It's both.

Kristelle: 40:31

Yeah, it's all of it. So we're running out of time and wanted to say one of the most important things that I always like to end on is I always thank you for sharing what you share, especially from the level of vulnerability that you have about it, and I don't want to leave and just say, okay, we're done Like. It's very important that we acknowledge the fact that you've said what you've said, because somebody can very much relate to the kitchen floor or, in my case, a business owner that might not want to feel like the workspace is their safe space, but their closet might be. There's somebody that's got to be out there.

Jace: 41:11

They're crying, right now they're crying right now. Yeah, see, the thing is, because you always close us, I never get to thank you. You, too, share your life and you share things that a lot of people in your position wouldn't. I wish they would, I know.

Kristelle: 41:24

Do it. I really wish that they would Talk about it.

Jace: 41:26

Come on, Show us, us here when do you cry or how do you process your emotions or how has that shown up in your life. If y'all are always very welcome to respond in the comments or hit us up info at CRZnet rwecom for that email address net net.

Kristelle: 41:39

That's all, and don't forget to follow us on your favorite streaming channel. But thanks, as always, this is today's episode. Tears of Story, success and Stuff.