Episode 18: Grief's Part in Success

Have you ever imagined grief as an unexpected side effect of success? In this episode of Stories, Success & Stuff, Kristelle Siarza Moon and Jace Downey navigate this seldom-discussed terrain, linking triumph and sorrow in a lively conversation. 

Uncover the transformative nature of grief as we explore how it can unexpectedly drive us towards success as well as join us along the journey. Don't miss out on this powerful catalyst for personal growth. Tune in to this enlightening discussion to better navigate the surprising intersection of grief and success!

A Siarza Production
Hosted by Kristelle Siarza Moon & Jace Downey
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza Moon
Producer: Jace Downey
Video/Editing: Justin Otsuka

Watch episodes at siarza.com/siarza-podcast
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Follow Kristelle @kristellesiarza
www.misskristelle.com
Follow Jace @jacedowneyofficial
www.jacedowney.com

Transcript

Jace: 0:00

grief is definitely a side effect of success that no one told me about and I didn't see it coming.

Kristelle: 0:09

If you could put up with me, I'm the ringer. If you could put up with me, you weren't anywhere in the fucking world?

Jace: 0:14

No, that's not accurate?

Kristelle: 0:17

Yeah, I think so, you're so easy to work with. Oh, you're really kind, but I don't think I am you are.

Jace: 0:23

There's some things, there's some quirks to work with as well. That's always true for everyone.

Jace: 0:29

You use the political correct word I can tell you I mean, come on, working with anybody is going to bring stuff with it. We're humans. We forget that. I think in business often that the human part comes with us and that's an old school mentality, that when you walk in the office doors you are left behind and it's like OK, cool, let me know how that works out for you. So as far as quirks go, yours are very easy to net. They're not unpleasant. I've worked, especially when I was in production, with some producers and stuff that were just I was like no, never doing that again.

Kristelle: 1:05

We're going to get to story success and stuff in a minute. But now here's a genuine question Did you ever have one of the talent people or people and talent or interviewees that did the brown Eminem thing? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Kristelle: 1:21

Nope, so Mick Jagger, oh, yeah, yeah yeah, he requested for only brown Eminems backstage, because he did it and everybody's like well, that's a demand from talent to do brown Eminems. He had a point, though Everybody thought it was a quirk. The point, though, was that he wanted to make sure people read the contract and people would pay attention to detail. Oh yeah, so if you saw the brown Eminems, he's like they're on it. Yeah, did you ever have anybody like that?

Jace: 1:53

No, but also the vast majority of my career was in documentary film and production.

Kristelle: 2:01

This is how Eka was in documentary film.

Jace: 2:04

Not in front of the camera. No, there are. There. Definitely can be, but there weren't things where we were prepping for talent in that kind of way. The only star he is Like I worked on Leonard Malton's show and he is like so Recipe's right what? Is he dead? No, he's not dead. Fact check this. I hope yeah. Oh yeah.

Jace: 2:26

Well, ok, if that guy OK, no, I'm just kidding, no Leonard Malton was freaking awesome, very cool, very easy to work with. He would come in. This was in Albuquerque. He would come in every couple weeks and maybe a month, I don't remember, and we'd film all the shows for the next thing. He was awesome. Yeah, he was really nice.

Kristelle: 2:44

Well, mistaken grief or mistaken death is a great way to transition To today's episode. Today's episode of stories, success and stuff Grow up a story for you on mistaken death. It's a great thing. So I'm here, crystal, I'm your host, with Jace co-host, so we are actually. So we're not explaining death necessarily, as the topic for today. Today's topic is actually about grief, and grief comes very organically, sometimes very sudden, sometimes it's anticipated, et cetera, and so we wanted to talk today about grief and its impact, its influence, its natural partnership with success Not a phrase that we would hear, and this is a topic that we have been wanting to talk about, because grief actually fueled a lot of the things that I've created in my professional lifetime.

Kristelle: 3:54

Grief happens when you least expect it, right? Yeah, yes, yes, to a certain degree. Ok, so people have seen my awful schedule, my awful calendar schedule, and when people have looked at my awful calendar schedule, they wonder what the heck is filling it up. And board work is actually kind of filling it up, and not by kind of. I would say about 40% to 50% of my job is actually volunteering my time for boards, leadership, et cetera. So I wanted to start off with a story of how one of my favorite boards to actually be on is a cemetery. So this board right.

Jace: 4:42

Ok, so tell me the giggle no because I'm thinking of a time where I was driving by myself and I made a wrong turn and I was trying to get back to where I was. And then I made another turn and I ended up at the gates of a cemetery, to which I say out loud now that's a dead end. And then I'm looking, I'm like nobody's in the car, jayce, like what are you doing? And I'm like why isn't anyone here for this super amazing joke that I just told to myself? And then I'm laughing in my car alone. Oh my gosh, because I'm an insane person.

Kristelle: 5:12

No, that's a really good pun.

Jace: 5:14

No, no, no. So he said cemetery. I'm like oh god.

Kristelle: 5:17

Yes, one of my favorite mentors was actually the I won't say the corporation, but it was the CEO of a corporation that dealt with death and he goes Crystal. It is one of the most awkward questions to be in the industry of death and funerals and I said why. I mean it is what it is, it's something that it's an industry that will never go away. He goes Crystal. When you ask about profitability, you're just waiting for somebody to die, like that's awful. And so at the same time, it's like the dead end joke, like that's like a funeral director's favorite joke.

Jace: 5:57

Yeah, I'm going to say they raised the price of coffins and things by like what? 600%. So sorry, funeral industry, don't give me that you feel bad Like. Maybe don't capitalize on people dying, just be in service to your happiness, and I'm not saying your friend did that, but that's a great. It's a weird industry, for sure.

Kristelle: 6:15

So talking about the industry, so one of the things I found very fascinating to be on this board was how I decided to actually be on the board, because in my opinion, if you join a board, it's a good example of your work ethic and your leadership, which is a good business development tool. That's why you join the boards. And so when I joined this board, it was really fascinating because the individual came to the office. I'm like, ok, this is a very high level CEO. He obviously wants something from me and it's probably business development, or he's asking me to serve on something that I don't know about. So he says, crystal, I'd like for you to be on this board. And I said cool, what is it? He goes it's for a cemetery. I'm like what? What in the cemeteries of 501C3? Something like it's a special designation. Anyways, I love this board because the decision, when I made the decision, I said can you give me a couple days, couple weeks? I'm going to San Francisco. I'm actually going on like a quick family vacation. I'm gonna spend some time with my mom and my at the time, my fiance and my son, and we're just gonna go explore San Francisco. Well, we get there and spend time with family when we get there.

Kristelle: 7:27

If you've never heard of a place called Colma California, google it, like right now. It actually was a Jeopardy question. I know, not me. Okay, it's not a Jeopardy question. And Colma was the number one place in the world for there are more dead people than there are people alive in their population numbers. Okay, I visited Colma California and I said, huh, okay, like who visits Colma California? I was visiting my godfather. Is he part?

Jace: 7:57

of the living or the dead.

Kristelle: 7:58

He's living part of the dead right. Okay, he's in a beautiful hill under a beautiful tree and he is in great company with other family members in that same cemetery. So I go there and I'm going to myself. Oh, that's why they need a board for the cemetery. Huh, the oh, was I sat there. The cemeteries look identical from when I was a kid.

Kristelle: 8:25

Hmm and then I went to Lake Tahoe in that same trip. Lake Tahoe, california, beautiful area. My grandmother's there. The cemetery looks identical from when I was a kid from and I have a very iconic photo of me as a six-month-old in front of my grandmother's grave. That, to me, made me say yes to a board, because you don't serve a board for the benefit of the financial aspect. You think about the families that want to visit that location For years to come. Hmm.

Kristelle: 9:01

And that's what I think is so special and so fascinating about grief is that a Cemetery is a vessel to remember somebody, or grief, I'm sorry. A cemetery is a place to remember somebody, as you remember, the vessel of their body and their being, but grieving a cemetery is a place to grieve, but a cemetery is also a place for a celebration of life, and so I think the topic of grief is so interesting because it actually plays a part in my volunteering life, which is the sense of memorial board. Long story about Colmica, california, and now you know the answer to a jeopardy question.

Jace: 9:40

I. If I'm ever on it, I will be ready yeah so?

Kristelle: 9:45

And your aspect? How has grief played a part in your successes as a professional?

Jace: 9:50

I you mentioned. Sometimes it's anticipated. You can anticipate grief and sometimes it comes up as a surprise. And the biggest surprise for me Was that there's actually grief involved in succeeding, and I experienced that earlier this year, in part with this podcast and my new role. Things were like actually falling into place and I had one of these moments of reflection where it was like, oh, wow, those things I set out to do have or are directly coming into fruition, which is very cool, right, we had our celebrations episode and that's like, oh, it's time to celebrate. I've been working, I set goals and I worked with them and I did my plan and blah, blah, blah and like now here we are and it's actually happening.

Jace: 10:33

And I had so much sadness Come with it. I was like what is going on here? I should be over the moon Now. Every time I see it or think about it, I'm gonna be like that's you the moons. But I had so much sadness. So I checked in with myself and I'm like what's going on here? Why am I experiencing so much discomfort With the success? And what I realized is that succeeding in an area Means leaving behind another one. Oh, yes, there is death that comes with success and, yes, it was a life I had been working to move away from. But it was the life I had known. It was the state of existence I had known, it was the mindset I had known, the belief systems I had known, and now, in order to actually move into Thriving into success, I was gonna have to leave them all behind. And you'd think Fantastic, like that's been the point, but it was what I was familiar with.

Jace: 11:37

It was like an old friend that was dying and I experienced so much Like physical discomfort in my body, around it, sadness, confusion, anger, weirdness with myself, because I'm like why? You know it's like, why are we sad? Yeah, like what's going on here and I realized that anytime we have a change, even if it's a really cool one, there's a grieving period that gun go along with it. And I did not see that coming, which maybe sounds a little silly because I've gone through a lot of changes, but I didn't think moving into thriving was gonna bring grief with it, but it has.

Kristelle: 12:14

I Didn't expect this episode to be poetic and that I'm serious. I'm not. This is not a pun, this ain't a joke. That was Poetic because that's really good advice for somebody that decides to leave a company and says I loved it here and I'm. I remember I cried when I I cry every job that I left, when I was younger Because I loved it there or I was getting fired.

Kristelle: 12:45

So that's why I also cried. Let's break that down. Frot fired is a good episode to talk about anyways. Oh, that's a good right. Yeah, that's a good one.

Jace: 12:56

I've never been fired. Oh, I've been laid off, though. I'll tell you all about it.

Kristelle: 13:00

Okay, so I I think that it's really fascinating to talk about grief in the aspect, in that aspect, because, think about it right, there are people that don't want change or that don't deal well with change, so it's. And then there are people that do well with change, but they don't understand why they're so hesitant to change. What, if it is actually grief that's talking to them?

Jace: 13:23

and it does, and we talked a little bit about this in the brain episode. When we are Changing, a lot inside of us goes no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that. And it doesn't say that directly, but it comes up through stories and these things that were like well, think about this or what about that, or you know it, should you really be doing that? And you can come up as criticism, internal critic. Right, that judgment. It'll come out that way and these are all really loving attempts to keep us safe. I think that our brains and bodies are like well, let's, let's hold on a minute and they're not needed. So if we did have these conversations going on, like, hey, as you move into success, you might also experience sadness, confusion, anger, disbelief, like all, and it's part of the process. I think a lot of people would would move into success.

Kristelle: 14:09

You're saying that people, to be successful, they have to understand the side effects. Yes, like a person side effects of success.

Jace: 14:15

Why didn't we name this podcast? So fucking good. There are so many side effects to success, and grief is one of them. We are trademarking this. You are all part of it. That's fucking brilliant. Yes, absolutely, grief is definitely a side effect of success that no one told me about and I didn't see it coming.

Kristelle: 14:32

Have you ever used grief as a way to motivate yourself? You you talk about on the podcast a lot that you you've been really good about Harnessing center, harnessing self, putting yourself in a way where you can work on yourself like constantly a self-improver but have you ever used your grief as a way to improve yourself as a professional? You want me I'll give you time. Yeah, I'm like I, because that actually defined a lot of my yeah. So in 2019, I lost my mentor and she wanted to create several items like the. She wanted to create the Asian-American cultural centers by way of the Asian-American Association. She wanted to create a nonprofit and she did, which is in Mexico Asian Family Center. And I remember we were at the Albuquerque Community Foundation with her widow, ted jojolo, which you met At my wedding shower, and it was great because Ted said to me once after we were at the Community Foundation actually I remember it like it was yesterday. We went to the Community Foundation, we created a fund. It was where her, you know, in a lua flowers make a donation here.

Kristelle: 15:56

So, her fund was created and we had to do this through the Community Foundation. The Community Foundation took the money and helped us understand what exactly is gonna happen. It became a donor advised fund and it's it's it's advised by Ted. So we talked to Ted about it and then, you know, I remember going to the coffee shop I was like Ted, I can't function. Yeah.

Kristelle: 16:15

I can't function. It's. It was so hard to lose her and he goes crystal. I lost my son, manoa, at 18 and I learned at a very, at a very critical moment in my life to take, take my pain and turn it into action. So his losses of both his Wife and his son, manoa, has made me realize Take that pain and turn it into action. Hmm, so I did.

Kristelle: 16:48

I took that pain and created the New Mexico the Asian business collaborative, not specifically to New Mexico, and a lot of people asked me, well, why did you do it? Or how did you do it? I said, yeah, the pandemic was part of it. Right, the pandemic was there was no Asian resources specifically for the Asian community and then a multitude of other Issues had happened to the Asian community. But it was. It was that moment of I said, in fact, I had to trace back. How did Delhi start the New Mexico Asian Family Center? Oh yeah, I had to talk to her mile markers of her timeline and the mile markers were the people that helped her get her 501c3 Her first executive director, her development directors, her first board members. I was like, how did you do it? How did she do it? And that's how I created ABC nice. She gave me the lesson plan, but it was my grief.

Kristelle: 17:40

Yeah, that was really talking. There was unfortunate casualties and friendships. Sure, because whenever I see them I get angry and I think about her and what she thought of those individuals, hmm, and so the grief still talks negatively. I'm not gonna pretend like I'm fine, because a grief like oh, there's a lot of professional and personal relationships that I just I still push aside, or I've cut those ties and let it go, because I Think about her and I think about her legacy and I think about how those people don't Don't partner with her legacy you know, huh.

Jace: 18:14

Anger is definitely a part of grief.

Jace: 18:17

That's one of the stages right and that I have had more as a motivator Along my path really yeah, I think, especially now, like I went from Having so much force in my life and in myself of like powering through and like just suck it up and deal with it. I remember true story I this is back when I did production and I was super sick. I had food poisoning or something and I had stepped on a nail or I don't know what. But I Was talking to the client at I was having to do a live broadcast. You just got to be there. You know how it is like there's no, there was no backup. I traveled to this location to do it. Anyway, my shoe was filling up with blood From where I had stepped on this nail and I just stood there and talked to the client as if I didn't have food poisoning, as if I wasn't bleeding in the moment and just got it done right, and sometimes you have to.

Jace: 19:14

But I remember thinking like, oh, this like makes me really strong or whatever that my ability to power through. And now I think like, no, that's a really fucking weird thing, jase, you could have been like you know what, give me two minutes and I'll be right back. But I had such a sense of force, yeah, being needed. And so now, when I start experiencing things, I take a much gentler Approach. So if I'm in a space of grieving, I don't have that as a as a motivator, and I'm probably more likely to go Within and start reaching out like what resources do I need?

Jace: 19:45

What support am I needing right now? But anger, anger has definitely been a huge motivator. Rumi says you know, let anger be a rung on your ladder, like don't live there, like let it lift you up, let it move you into what?

Kristelle: 20:00

oh yeah yeah anger.

Kristelle: 20:02

for sure, the sadness part of grief I I can't think of an example where I have Use that to motivate there was an individual that was a mentor to the company and if you haven't met her, she's incredible and that's Debbie Johnson. Debbie Johnson came and spoke to us about her life as an Advertising executive in the 70s with her husband, rick Johnson, and he passed away. That's what it was and I remember specifically. The thought came back in my head of why I was thinking of her. I was sitting down talking it to Ed. Who else Part?

Kristelle: 20:43

finance manager Ed yeah, part therapist and I was like Ed. I know that stress kills you because one of my other mentors, debbie Johnson, said that and she was right, because her husband and then the director had passed away over the last like 10, 20 years. They passed away from like medical issues and she goes crystal. Stress will kill you.

Kristelle: 21:07

And, of course, if, for those of you that didn't know, like I recently got really sick and I thought that you know, I I didn't tell a lot of folks about the fact that I got sick and I literally thought that exact thought I said Hmm, stress will kill you. And why I brought that up is I don't want my team or I don't want my family to be anticipatory grieving for me. I want them to enjoy me in my state of current self, where I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm motivated, which is our next episode, and I want them to remember me by that. But I know that the grieving process is just going to be, as another mentor had said, once you poke a hole in the community about the conversation of grief or in my mind, and when you poke a hole of grief, it comes pouring out.

Jace: 22:12

So I anticipatory grief makes me think of. So I've had been doing a fair amount of that earlier this year with Charlie, just watching him age in the different stages of life and knowing like one way or another we're approaching that time and it was rendering me not functional. So remind our listeners for who Charlie is. Charlie is my sweet little bear dog that I have had for.

Kristelle: 22:41

Little. He's not like a.

Jace: 22:42

Chihuahua. He's a little bear though. You ever seen a bear that would like 600 pounds. He's a big dog but he's a little bear, that's why he's Charlie little bear.

Jace: 22:53

And just watching all that and knowing, like my family jokes, he's my longest standing male relationship, but that's also entirely accurate and we've been together for over 13 years. So I was really like just crying out of nowhere and really struggling with it and I thought, nope, I am not the first person to go through this. There are definitely resources for anticipatory grieving and bereavement. Looked him up sure did, and I'm quick, like I refuse to do things the long way anymore. I did my whole first amount you know part of life, reinventing the wheel and it's gotta be my way and very ego focused. And now I'm like, nope, somebody has made a business out of this. If there's a problem, someone has turned it into their business to solve it, I'm gonna find that person. And I did.

Jace: 23:39

And so I went and I actually tracked down a pet bereavement counselor to do anticipatory grieving together and it was so helpful because in that she helped me develop an end of life plan for him and to just already make the decisions before they were there, so that I'm not having to make them when I'm in an emotional state and I already am ready to rock when that time does come and I can deal with the emotions and deal with whatever's coming up. For me, which is amazing and it makes me think, you know, if we're looking at grieving as part of success and it is if we know that beforehand we can set ourselves up for it with whatever support we need, with whatever resources we need and a proactive plan to ensure that that discomfort that comes with moving into succeeding, we have a plan in place for it. So what are the things that are helpful to you either, that's, people on your squad, resources that you keep in your back pocket or action plan Before we transition.

Kristelle: 24:42

Look, we all love Charlie. And you have to remember that you have a community of support around you, but we are enjoying him now.

Jace: 24:52

Absolutely, and that was the point that having that plan Don't transition to the next point.

Kristelle: 24:57

my friend hold on.

Jace: 24:57

But having that plan in place. I haven't cried since oh wow, now I can enjoy him. Because now I'm not like what am I gonna do? And who do you call to do with the body? Like these things that you know we aren't nice to think about, but it's like you know that you have to think about it Well and now I don't have to because I already have a plan in place.

Jace: 25:15

So now I get to enjoy him, now I get to be present because I've been proactive, which was a gift I gave to myself and one I hope we'll give to our listeners as part of this episode. I'm like what can?

Kristelle: 25:27

they do Death planning, family planning death plan.

Jace: 25:29

Well, I don't mean death, I mean with success. Oh, oh, yeah. So if you know that grieving is gonna be part of success and it is what do you do?

Kristelle: 25:36

Now? We can pitch it to you. What do I do in terms?

Jace: 25:41

of Like how would you prepare if you were going to a next stage of success and you thought, okay, I'm gonna definitely have some grief come up about leaving this chapter and moving to the next one. Yeah, what tools are you busting out?

Kristelle: 25:52

I'm honoring people and honoring the the position itself.

Jace: 26:03

So that was a.

Kristelle: 26:05

I think to me that's a key takeaway. So I went through grief counseling after I lost Auntie Deli, auntie Melly, which was a family member on the Cubero side, and then my godfather, who I'm visiting the family in San Francisco and which you saw at the wedding, like that table, loved that, loved ones, even the cat, even my cat Boots, was in there because I wanted to honor him. He was my male in my life that survived. All the boyfriends Like I get that the pet plays a problem.

Kristelle: 26:41

So honoring those people, I think is a tool to success because they remind you of several things I talked to. I said the word mile marker earlier. In your journey they had memories with you and in the journey there's always miles that you travel and I think those people, or honoring those people, are important for remembering where you came from, but then remember where you're going, because you obviously had to move in order for you to get there. So you know, when I hear people thinking their boss. So, for example, when somebody leaves the company and grows into a position, I think that a lot of companies, to kind of shift it a little bit, when a lot of companies have somebody that's self-promoted within, that's always really exciting, right? You're like, oh my god, even us at CRs, or we're looking for an executive assistant, but two out of the four that we've hired in the past have actually become people here at the office, right?

Kristelle: 27:45

They started as people here at the office just to be clear, they started as executives and then now they've grown onto the leadership team. That's right. Thank you for helping me organize that thought. And when I say that is because when they I'm a real boy. I'm a real boy now. I was once an admin. Yeah, yeah, I'm a real human.

Kristelle: 28:07

So thank you for that reminder. Yep got it when those individuals moved on. When those individuals moved on, it was great to see how they respected the position that they left by not going and just giving the new admins fucking a difficult time. Right Example Marissa office manager, which was the admin right and then moved into an account executive role.

Kristelle: 28:40

She didn't tell Amy Amy, you're fucking doing it wrong. You better do it the way that Crystal wants to, because you're doing it wrong. She didn't dishonor Amy, she didn't dishonor me. Amy didn't do the same thing with our team members down the road.

Kristelle: 28:56

She would tell me when she was frustrated about like training somebody if it didn't stick, but that's not dishonoring them. She was just saying like look like I honor the position that I once held because I'm properly training it to somebody that I know that's going to be even more successful than I am in this particular spot. Like that to me is honoring the position. So when you see people move up in companies and then they treat people like peons from the previous position that they have or they might not treat them with empathy right and say, oh, I know like that's a really tough spot because when I had that happen to me. I had to do this and it was the wrong move. That wasn't honoring the position or that wasn't honoring the people. So I think that type of celebratory element or that type of tool in grief and success I think is really important.

Jace: 29:46

I love that I'm gonna throw in before we move on from honoring of others, honoring the past self as well, like, yes, people help us get on our path to success. We meet all kinds of different people, but a past version of me also put in all the work. I didn't do shit today. I woke up, I took the dogs on their walk, I came in. I haven't. I've accomplished nothing today of anything. That's impressive, right, but the past versions of you have a pun I did.

Jace: 30:12

I brought a pun with me to I gotta. This is not meant to be rude for our talk around grief today, but someone, a friend, who watches the podcast and knows I love mugs and knows I love puns. Got me a spooky season pun with skeleton. Let's get the party star dead, which happens to be appropriate for our grief talk. But yeah, I didn't you know. So, to honor the past versions of self and have that reverence and gratitude for everything that the yesterday me done is part of that for me as well.

Kristelle: 30:42

Yeah, yeah, most definitely I am. The other thing I was gonna move into is under. The takeaway when it comes to grief is where am I understanding where you are in the space of grief, because sometimes you're functional and sometimes you're not. And I say this because I saw this beautiful meme. Memes are beautiful, it can be, yeah, and so are you, and so is everybody else listening, right? So so there's this beautiful meme about grief, and it was a box. Imagine a box and imagine a really, really big ball and the ball hits all four walls, okay, and when the ball hits the wall, when it, when the ball hits these walls of yourself, that's your grief box, right? So whatever it hits, it's kind of like.

Kristelle: 31:34

This is a riddle.

Jace: 31:35

Yeah, yeah, no, no.

Kristelle: 31:35

Okay. So, like you know, operation, the game operation whenever you use your tweezers and you pick something up and then you touch it, all of a sudden it buzzes. Yes, it's like that same effect for the ball. Whenever it touches a wall. You're like, oh no, so of course, when the grief just happened, that ball is so full.

Kristelle: 31:53

It just hits you. But in grief, what I've learned is that sometimes, as like the meme had said, sometimes the ball just gets smaller but the ball starts to bounce. As the ball bounces, it bounces more frequently when it's still really big because of the space that it has. So when it starts to touch like three out of the four walls, you're like, hey, it's still really heavy. Yeah, and then over time this meme and this I think it was even like a social media story the ball gets small. The ball doesn't completely get tiny, which is a lot of the fear that people have when it comes to grief. They're like, well, this person's going to be forgotten. No, not necessarily. Every ball everybody's ball ends up settling in a size and it might get smaller over time or might get bigger yeah.

Kristelle: 32:37

It might get bigger, but in this instance, like the ball got really small and the sometimes people just don't know how to communicate grief in their successes and their failures, whatever that might be. And so, all of a sudden, this one person said the best way for me to communicate my grief is when I tell somebody the ball touched today, or the ball's really staying on one side today, hmm, or it came out of nowhere and it was the most beautiful explanation of grief, because I can be sitting here, I Can't focus, yeah and just just tears that come from yeah or I can, I will smell something.

Kristelle: 33:17

Mm-hmm and then all of a sudden you're like, oh no, it's there, yeah, I, I'm crying. I Remember one time I was oh god, it was so embarrassing. But I wasn't embarrassed about it, I was like, oh yep, it's grief. I was sitting in the middle of the roundhouse in a committee room and they were talking about Asian American Day in the legislature and these and the, the Commission, which is the I'm sorry, the committee, which is made up of legislators and senators they were passing this like legislation, just more of like pomp and circumstance, like yeah, asians like in New Mexico.

Jace: 33:57

We all go celebrate a t-shirt that just says yay.

Kristelle: 34:01

Yes, I will wear it and so. So it was like it was literally like a legislation about, like celebrating Asians in New Mexico. So I'm giggling about it now because if you saw me in that moment, you're like, is she okay? As soon as they said I would like to create this day, I would like to honor A delamara Contra, who was the state demographer. She used to walk those halls in roundhouse and so we were they. They said we'd like to honor her by making sure that we recognized the fact that this day was created because of her, or parts because of her and other people in the past. And so All of us were like, oh, clapping. And all of a sudden I heard her name and you just hear me I Was weeping, weeping.

Kristelle: 34:47

Now, okay, grief and success. It was successful because we made the day happen right Three years after she passed away. So of course, you have to celebrate grief, which is great. Why you? How you came up with this subject? But I was like wait a minute that we were celebrating this Incredible yay, asians day in New Mexico happens in February.

Kristelle: 35:16

Right and I'm just like weeping beyond control because she helped us get there.

Jace: 35:21

Yeah, right, it's. Yeah, I'm hearing like reverence, holding others, the past, past efforts, your past self, the milestones, all of it. Holding reverence in that is part of moving through that grief into the success chapter.

Kristelle: 35:38

Well, yeah, and I mean, look at it for you too. There took a, it took a lot of work, right for you to work with that bereavement counselor, or the death plet, the, the death counselor right, here's a bereavement counselor Breavement counselor, like you had to put in the work for that too. What were you gonna do? Just sit there and be like, just do it for me, that'd be so cool. Oh yeah, maybe right, but then somebody would like fuck that. Like okay, think about it with, like, family life planning right?

Jace: 36:08

No, I'm at the grieving part. Can you just do this for me? Yeah, oh yeah, I'm gonna be over here functioning. Yeah, yeah, thanks, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, not the planning.

Kristelle: 36:15

Yeah, yeah no, no, that I was happy to do, but yeah, but like some people are just like so adamant of like I need to make sure that you play Elton John's like candle to win at my Funeral Charlie is insistent on Elton John, not that song.

Jace: 36:28

Weirdly enough it's crocodile rock, which I don't get at all that he wants that. But eight bear wants what he wants.

Kristelle: 36:36

But yeah, like that's what I'm saying. Like people like literally they say I want what I want because I'm dying, like I'll never forget when my godfather passed away and they pointed out the most expensive Funeral casket and they're like huh, huh, huh. That was, that was his way of getting back at you guys for buying all the expensive shit throughout your entire life.

Jace: 36:55

See, and I want someone to hold on to my phone and number and then at the funeral. Text like a few people out in the audience and just see what they do, I would. I have a series of pranks that I have sent my family that I'm like please do some of these. No, someone, am I gonna go out like all somber? No, you know, we gotta have a dance party and there have got to be some pranks in the mix.

Kristelle: 37:18

I can imagine like the ultimate punster, doing your eulogy.

Jace: 37:27

More I actually my, my actual, like emergency slash, death, like plan that my family has, my, my friends have and whatnot has every kind of content. It is Absolutely, oh yeah, you know, jokes and puns.

Jace: 37:41

Yes, oh, all the way through, my sister called me. She was like what is this? I am laughing hysterically like, okay, but just, I got it also, we'll take care of it. But she was just like what the hell? What matters to be like? And then I'm dead like bummer, like I don't know, it's life right, it's not that serious. Yeah, also, I just like want to note that there's this coffin. So, as you've been talking this whole time about like Boxes and different things, I'm like I'm just been every time I take a drink, I'm like looking at this coffin and that's yeah, this is weird.

Jace: 38:13

I did not plan that to this. I was just like, oh, it's spooky season, I'm gonna bring my special mug. And now I'm like, oh, this is fantastic.

Kristelle: 38:19

I haven't really been able to take anything.

Jace: 38:21

Seriously as a result of this.

Jace: 38:23

Oh, I think you know the key takeaways, as there are key takeaways to this podcast there and I want to throw out like your, your team, use your people For the support and, even if it sounds silly, because some people like, why are you grieving? You're successful. This is what you've worked towards. You should be happy. How often do you hear that you should be happy? You've worked so hard for this. Make sure you have your team around. That's gonna Understand. The letting go of one thing is difficult and sad. It's like when you break up with somebody, even though it was the right decision and you made it.

Kristelle: 38:51

He automatically knows the squad that's gonna be around you.

Jace: 38:54

Yeah, yeah Well yeah, it's like there's still sadness there. So I like that's my biggest thing, that right away.

Kristelle: 38:59

My top resources, my people, my support team around me, yeah, yeah most definitely I well, and you got the professionals, and then you got your squad right. We talk about the squad a lot in the podcast. For sure, before we even talk about, you know, the, the, the end of the episode right, the.

Jace: 39:18

The key takeaways that I'll admit.

Kristelle: 39:20

You know, one of the reasons why we do this podcast is not only for people to know who CR is, not just me, but you, justin, the rest of the staff. I think that it people don't realize that this podcast becomes a little bit of therapy hmm, for the both of us, and Unintentional therapy, I think, is a good one, or free therapy for me for sure. And I appreciate you say you know, saying that About Charlie and talking about it, because we all know it's not gonna be easy and you've warned us and told us about it, right, like it's not gonna be easy, I will not be functioning.

Kristelle: 40:00

Yeah, you know it's a it's a great way to just be real, right, and that's what I love about this podcast, and I'm always really grateful for the topics that we choose. It's not all rainbows and ponies when it comes to success, right, and this is definitely one of those episodes where it hurts, grief hurts, but it's an important part of our journey to get where we want to go.

Jace: 40:23

Hmm, I think, and it's so messy, grief is so messy, oh, messy. And you know what else is Success? It is, success is so messy. Yeah, so maybe that, maybe that'll be my final final word is to allow the mess, celebrate the mess, give time for the mess, recognize that Success is messy and that doesn't mean we're off track.

Kristelle: 40:48

Absolutely. That's gonna do it for us for this week's episode of story, success and stuff. Thank you for joining, for there is a lot of listeners now. Usually the joke is for our moms that are listening, but not just our moms that are listening, but for we have had overwhelming amounts of people coming to us and saying Thank you for distributing out the podcast, producing the podcast. Thanks to you, justin, as always. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe and follow us on your favorite social media channels at CRs of the agency and find out more about what we can do at CRs of comm. We're grateful for you being here. I'm very excited for next week's topic, once the grief has settled. It's about motivation another fun one and so I hope that you get to join us and subscribe to us on your favorite podcast channel. But otherwise, thanks so much for joining. We'll see you soon.