The Power Of Possibility - What If It Works Out Better Than You Imagine?!

In this episode, I’m exploring the power of possibility and what happens when we stop asking ourselves, what if it all goes wrong? And instead start asking, what if it’s better than I imagined?

So often when we want something badly, a dream, a goal, more peace, more joy, more love, more success, our minds go straight to fear. What if I fail? What if I mess it up? What if I don’t have what it takes? In this episode, I’m flipping that script and inviting you to consider a different question: what if you do have what it takes? What if everything you’ve been through has equipped you for this next chapter?

I talk about why I believe you don’t get what you deserve , you get what you believe you deserve and how your internal belief system shapes what you see, what you pursue and what you allow yourself to receive. Because what you look for, you will find...

I also break this conversation down through my three core pillars: radical responsibility, self-compassion and aligned action. I share why self-awareness is everything, why self-compassion is often the hardest lesson to learn, and why possibility means nothing if you don’t move. This episode is about opening yourself up to the idea that more is available to you, and then taking the action to meet it

This episode is your reminder that you cannot change where you’ve come from, but you can change where you’re going. And that every single day, you get to practise the power of possibility.

Transcript

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Hello, welcome back to Mindset Mess and Magic. I'm your host, Hayley Scott Summers. And as always, I am so happy that you are here. So today I wanted to dive straight in because this is a topic that I am super excited about. I wanted us to discuss the power of possibility. I wanted us to really kind of like explore the magic of what if. Because I feel like so often in life, when we're trying to accomplish big dreams, we have goals and ambitions. So often this idea of like what if is usually quite negative. Like, what if it goes wrong? What if I don't have what it takes? What if I fail? What if I fuck up? What if everybody sees me fuck up and fail? Right? Like all of these different things that can enter our brain when we're trying to do something that we've potentially never done before. And I want to flip the script on the what if today and ask you, what if it's better than you imagine? You don't fail. Or when you do fail, every single failure is going to give you a lesson that's just going to make you better at the thing that it is that you want to achieve or bring you closer to your goals and your dreams. And even more than that, what if you not only have what it takes, but what if everything you've been through up until this moment, right here, right now, before this, was leading you to this moment and equipping you with all of the tools that you would need in order to be successful in this next step? What if there's no one else that is more capable and worthy of achieving the thing that you want to do? Like, what if? That to me is the real power of possibility. Because it's not leaning into some kind of like toxic positivity of like just just think positively, like it'll all work out. But like, what if? Instead of thinking, like, what if, what's the worst case scenario? It's like, what if I could just give myself permission and grace to explore the best case scenario? And as a side note, like you don't have to have like big, wild, audacious dreams to apply this in your life right now. So I'm not really just talking about the big goals, but I'm also talking about the smaller things in life, the things that sometimes can so often get neglected if we are in the pursuit of of big goals. I'm talking about like, what if you want more peace, more joy, more more fucking sleep, like anything, anything that it is that you are desiring, flipping the script from lack to possibility of what if, I just feel like opens up new doors, new opportunities, new possibilities that will enrich your life and help you get closer to the things that you truly desire, big goals or just little day-to-day desires. Here's the thing: I don't believe that you get what you deserve in life, unfortunately, which answers the question as to like why do good things happen to shitty people, right? The reason for this is because that they believe to be worthy and capable of those things. So I'm not saying be a shitty person, but I'm saying to you, listener, friend, part of this community, you're a good person. You have good, honest goals and ambitions and things that you want to create and bring into the world. You don't necessarily, you're not necessarily going to make those happen just by being that person. You have to believe that you are capable and worthy of having those things in order to bring them into your life. So you don't get what you deserve, you get what you believe you deserve. And hope expands the possibility, it expands opportunities. If you believe that you are capable and worthy of creating something, you're only going to broaden not only your horizon for opportunities, but your perspective as to what is open for you, the potentiality of it. You know, it's worth noting here that in relation to this, like what you look for, you will find. So if you're looking for the things that could go wrong, the things that you could fail at, the things that you could trip you up or or fuck you up and go horribly wrong, if you are looking for these things, you are probably going to find them. However, if you are looking for possibility, if you are looking for hope and potential and opportunities, that too is also what you're going to find. Which is why it's so important to make sure that you are tuned in, not just to what you want, but what your belief system is internally, because that is going to be a direct reflection. It is a mirror of what you're seeing in the world around you, of what you believe is available to you. This is all based on your belief system. So to kind of like break this down a little bit, I was going to go through my three core pillars. Those of you who've been around for a little while will probably already know we're talking about radical responsibility, self-compassion, and aligned action. Because it's with these three core pillars that you can create real lasting change, real results. Whether it is, you know, from a business point of view, from a personal point of view, your well-being, your finances, your relationships are all massively impacted by these three things. Like they are absolute game changers. And that's why they're the foundation of this podcast, of any coaching and mentorship that I do, and the book, when I do finally eventually get around to completing the book, these three core pillars are everything. So when we're talking about our belief system, it's really important to understand that having self-awareness is everything. It is absolutely fucking everything. If you've got no self- if you've ever met someone who's got like no self-awareness and you're sort of watching them operate in the world, in relationships in life, and you're like, wow, this is wild. Like I almost find it really interesting when someone doesn't have that much self-awareness. And we're all guilty of it. Okay, I'm not sitting here like throwing stones. Like everyone is guilty of not having, you know, self-awareness when it comes to certain things. So one of the best gifts you can ever give yourself is the ability to cultivate that self-awareness. This was one of the first things that I learned when I was studying counseling and psychotherapy back in my college days. We had to journal, we had to keep diaries, we had to really understand what our triggers were through like one-to-one practice sessions in therapy so that we could spot our own biases, our own thought patterns, our own limiting beliefs, and the things that we would be potentially projecting onto clients to understand how you work and how you think and how you feel, and how that impacts your perspective and therefore the results that you're going to get in your life. So that was my very, very first introduction into the importance of self-awareness. And it has served me so well throughout my life since then. The ability to be able to spot patterns like in your thoughts, in your beliefs, and the way that you're showing up in the world is like such a fucking gift. You can change your life if you can develop that self-awareness. And also for the record, sometimes it's like after the fact, right? Like I went through something this year and it took me about two months after sort of like navigating some like fairly messy emotions and grieving and you know assessing some things in my life. And after about two months of like navigating that, I came out the other side last week and was like, oh shit, you feel this way because of X, Y, and Z. And that is why you have been doing A, B, C. That's the wrong way for the alphabet, but I think you know what I mean. So having the ability to spot it, it doesn't mean like instantly, as soon as you start feeling something, going, oh, I have the self-awareness to understand that I'm pissed off. No, sometimes it's about going through something and being able to self-reflect, understand why you were showing up in a certain way, and then with that information, that knowledge, which is so powerful, have the ability to understand yourself better, give yourself some grace, that's the self-compassion piece, and then make a different choice. Then you can go, ha. I always feel like these moments, they give you options. And options, that is freedom. If you don't understand how you are operating, what your thoughts are, your beliefs are, and how they are showing up in how you're living, if you don't have any understanding of that, your ability to make different, better choices for yourself is going to be more limited than somebody who has done the work to be able to understand themselves. This to me is one of the best things that I have ever had the opportunity to learn and understand from my early 20s. It changed my life. And and really we're talking about mindset, but this is kind of like the real sort of like bones of it. It's not just about like having a growth mindset, it's the real deep inner work of when things feel messy or not the way that you want them to be. And you know, you feel out of alignment or you feel stuck, you feel frustrated, and you go through a phase, and maybe maybe it was like mine where I was I was grieving and I was going through some things, and then you come out the other side. The ability to be able to self-reflect and then make a different choice, like that's wealth. Having choices is is wealth. That's the real riches. And that is what you can have when you cultivate that level of self-awareness. And when you're really leaning in to radical responsibility, so like the the first, the first core piece of my of my pillars, the radical responsibility. That to me is really saying I am responsible for my love, my joy, my success. All the things that I desire and that I want to create, I am responsible for. When you take responsibility for those things, not only are you not looking externally for somebody to rush in and fix them or save you, you know, make those things happen for you, when you are responsible for them, you have the ability to then take the action that you need to make those things happen. So if we're gonna like tie this in with the power of possibility, if you are practicing radical responsibility and you're looking at the power of possibility, you can say, well, fuck it. I'm responsible for my love, joy, my success. What if I do have what it takes? What if I have the opportunity to create something else? What if it goes so right that it's beyond my wildest dreams? What if every perceived failure along the way is gonna bring me closer to the thing that I truly desire in the long run? Like what if? Like that's fucking magical, right? That's where the real power is. And when you're practicing radical responsibility and you have that self-awareness, that what if piece can be so powerful. It can be life-changing. The self-compassion piece for me personally, in my own journey, is probably, and I've I've said this lots of times before, I've always been very, very honest about this. That took me the longest to learn. Like taking responsibility, like when I was young, grew up the way that I did, and everything felt like a messy, painful childhood that I wanted to run away from. And I ended up marrying an alcoholic who was almost 20 years my senior, you know, divorced, young, single mom. I had so much baggage. The idea of radical responsibility of saying, right, now you are responsible for your life, your joy, your success, that I could understand. That felt very tangible. It felt very practical. It was like, right, okay, so no one's coming to save you. You have to figure this shit out yourself. Okay, we go back to work, we go to college, we educate ourselves, we can't change where we've come from, but I can sure as shit change where I'm going. That to me, like I said, it felt very tangible. It felt very doable. It made sense. It was logical. My brain understood that. The self-compassion piece, however, took me years, and I'm still working on it. I believe in it so much. I believe in it so much, but it took me such a long time to fully understand and grasp. And it is one of the things, and I will hold my hands up now, um, it's one of the things that is almost like the first thing to fall to the wayside that I have to pull myself back from quicker than the other things, because I have become someone who is very driven and very focused, and I will hold myself accountable and I take responsibility for the things that I do in life and the things that I want to create and achieve and grow. I don't have any issue with that. But the moment I maybe I feel overworked or burnt out or tired, like the self-compassion thing is something that I have to really remember to practice. It doesn't feel yet natural to me. Despite the fact that I've learned so much more along the journey and I am quicker to come back to myself, I'm quicker to extend grace to myself than I ever used to be. I am such a cheerleader. Like my internal voice is so different now compared to what it was 15 years ago, 20 years ago. Like I am a cheerleader for myself in those moments when it feels difficult. I will be a cheerleader for myself. But practicing self-compassion when life gets really, really, really difficult, that can be a challenge. I think sometimes we forget about how important it is to think about how we want to feel. So much of all of this is the journey. We can be so focused on creating the thing that we want that we forget to fucking live a life. And in that, exploring how we want to feel whilst we're living that life, I sometimes think that just gets forgotten about. It gets it falls to the wayside, which is wild. Because really that is almost, that should be like the foundation of it is like, how do you want to feel? So one of the things that I do, and one of the things that I would encourage you to do if you're exploring the possibility of like, what if? What if I am good enough? What if I do have what it takes? What if I practice all of these things and it's better than I thought it could be? Extending like self-compassion and grace to a version of you that previously denied yourself those opportunities, I think is so fundamentally important. Because otherwise you can have resentment, regret, bitterness, frustration, all of which are like very low vibe, low frequency emotions that are not going to help you when it comes to expanding your possibilities, your opportunities, the things that you want to create and how you want to feel. That's not to say there isn't space to feel those things. But I would say that it's it's almost like that could be a whole different episode in itself. It's like how to give yourself grace and mourn the periods of your life and the time in which you denied yourself the things that you that you truly want and that you truly desire. I'd say that would be like a whole other episode, which perhaps we'll do that one next week. But for now, I really want to focus on the importance of applying self-compassion when it comes to previously denying yourself opportunities, previously thinking that you weren't capable, that you weren't worthy, that you did think negatively before of like, oh, what if it goes wrong and you've held yourself back and you didn't go for the opportunity? Like that's okay. Like you are here now. And every, every day, every moment is just a new opportunity. It's another day. It's a brand new moment. It can be whatever you want it to be. So extending compassion to yourself and say, hey, I know it's been hard. I know you had a difficult time. I know it wasn't easy. But you know what? You got through. You did the best you could with the tools that you had. And you're here right now. And as the saying goes, when you know better, you can do better, you can be better, you can create better. You can't do any of those things without the self-awareness, like we were saying before. So be kind to yourself, show yourself some love. I think also thinking about, like I said earlier, about like how do you want to feel? Feelings have a frequency, emotions have a frequency, and really thinking, if we're leaning into like the power of possibility, how do you want to feel? Like, what if you get to wake up tomorrow and step into that dream job, that relationship, that way of life, that whatever it is that you are are what ifing about, and we're doing it now in a positive way because we're flipping the script, right? Like, how does it make you feel? And really like channeling and tapping into that feeling, because you cannot be matched for something that you're not on the same frequency for. So, a bit like what I said earlier, what you look for, you will find. So, if in your mind you're thinking, well, what if I fail? What if it doesn't go right? What if I fuck up? What if it's, you know, it's all bad and it's all negative? How that makes you feel is just gonna be a magnet for more of those things. And you're just gonna see more of them show up. It's like your brain loves to be right, so it's always looking for evidence to support the ideas and the beliefs that you have about your capabilities and your worthiness in the world. It's basically how your own internal algorithm works. So, a bit like when you're on Instagram or you're on TikTok, more of what you like and what you spend time focusing on, the algorithm's like, hey, Susie loves this shit. Let's just let's just show Susie more of this because she fucking loves cats playing keyboards, right? Your own internal algorithm is gonna be exactly the same. So whatever you are thinking and feeling, like you are programming yourself to just see and feel and experience more of that. So having some self-compassion for yourself, giving yourself a fucking break, and just saying, look, how do I want to feel? Like, what if I got to feel really good? What if I got to take a step in the direction that leads me closer to my goals and dreams? What if I am ready? What if I can do it? All of these things are emotions that trigger feelings of hope, possibility, excitement, maybe, maybe it maybe you can feel a bit a little bit nerve-wracking, but they're all so much better and on a higher frequency than the what if it goes wrong? What if it's terrible? What if I fuck up? And all of these different things. So having some self-compassion and really focusing on your feelings and the frequency that you are a current match for. Which leads me to my final, final piece for this, and that is aligned action. This is like a let's fucking go. Like you have to take action. It's all well and good saying, what if it works out? What if it's fantastic? And then broadening your horizon when it comes to your possibilities and your opportunities. Like this is so important to have that. But taking the action is the it's the final piece to the puzzle to bring all of these things together because you know, I think that was a thing that was missing, you know, when like the secret was really big in the 90s, and I know that they've done a lot of work since that. And I have read Rhonda Burns' books, and I and I am a big fan of her work, but it was definitely like a key piece. I remember watching the documentary on Netflix like years ago, and it was a lot of like thinking about it and not enough of the doing piece. And aligned action is is definitely the missing piece of that, and it's thinking about the small steps that you can take. Instead of like waiting for certainty, it's really thinking about what is like one thing. I think I said it on the podcast a couple of weeks ago. You don't need to take like big, huge, massive action. If you have the opportunity for it, take it. Absolutely. I'm not saying wait, but I'm saying if you're feeling overwhelmed by the thought of having to take big action and you're kind of excited by the idea of this, the power of possibility and like what if, but the action piece is is kind of like holding you back, and you're like, oh no, like just break it down. Break it down and just ask yourself like, what can I do to expand my possibilities? What can I do to bring me closer to being able to touch the goal, to feel it, to hold it in my hand, to see it grow and come to life. Like, and how do I need to show up? That's a big one. How do I need to show up? One of my favorite quotes, and I'm probably gonna butcher it because I usually do, so my apologies. I don't even know where it comes from, so I can't even credit anyone. But it was something along the lines of achieving a goal is not necessarily about achieving the goal in itself, it's about who you become along the journey. And when I heard that, it hit. It hit so deeply, I was like, oh my goodness. Because I know for me, I'm not the same woman that I was 20 years ago, like not even a little bit. So it's about who you become on the journey. So when you're thinking about your action steps, if you are sparked by the idea of this power of possibility and you're like, well, what next? Just ask yourself, like, how do I need to show up in the world in order to be a match for that? And just move. Like they're there, like just move. Like we overthink it, we overcomplicate it. Like I said, we think it has to be like this big step. And if it's there and you can see it, then fucking take it. There, in fact, there's a fantastic book called Um You Squared by Price Pritchett, and it's a wonderful book around uh quantum physics, and I would highly, highly recommend it. And it's talking about how you can make these like quantum leaps in your life and your career and your relationships by not thinking and believing that everything has to be tiny incremental steps. So I I do believe that, but what I would say is, like I said, if you are feeling overwhelmed by the concept of big steps, just make a couple of four a couple of small moves just to get you going. Just start. something, anything that is in alignment with what it is that you want to do. Somebody said to me yesterday in a conversation over dinner, I wanna I want to take up photography again. I used to do photography and and they had a a a litany of of things that were kind of getting in their way and my advice to them was just pick up your camera and just get out there. Just get out there. Like don't overthink it. Just literally go and do the thing. And you know I had a photography business for 10 years so maybe it was you know easy to give that kind of advice but I would give that advice to anyone who is saying oh I want to be a writer or a singer or it's like just go and do the thing. Don't overthink it. You don't need to have everything in place. Just be open to the possibility of it turning out exactly the way that you want it to be open to the possibility of it being even better than what you want it to. And especially when it comes to that do I have what it takes? The fact that you are here and that you have the desire and the and the dream to me says you'd have everything that you'd need to bring it to life. But you have to take the aligned action. When we're talking about the power of possibility I know that it can sometimes feel really easy for somebody else somewhere else to be saying you know like a fucking Nike advert just do it. Just go and do it. You have everything you need inside of you just go and do it. And the truth is if you have led a life or you grew up in a way that was not supportive that didn't meet your needs that didn't allow you to flourish and grow and maybe you didn't have the best start sometimes the idea of tapping into the power of possibility can feel a bit wishy-washy. It can feel a little bit like yeah well fuck you how do you know you don't know anything about me you don't know what is possible for me you don't know where I've come from and I understand that. I don't understand how like everybody feels in those circumstances. Of course not I can only speak from my own frame of reference from my own experience of life of coming from somewhere that was less than favorable and a less than ideal childhood. But what I would say to you is that you cannot change the hand that you're dealt with but you can choose how to play the cards. Not my quote obviously bit cliche but it's fucking true you cannot change where you've come from but you can change where you're going. You can only change where you're going if you open yourself up to the possibility that there is more available to you that you are capable and worthy and that you have what it takes to create something different, something better for yourself. That is what the power of possibility gives you and when you practice radical responsibility and you say I and I alone am responsible for my love, my joy my success, when you extend that self-compassion to yourself and you say hey it's okay I got you I see you I know it's been difficult but we've got this it's all good. We can do it together and then you take those action steps to actually create something that is a powerful combination opening yourself up to the power possibility could absolutely change your life. I know that it changed mine. I know that when I was young and insecure and felt like I had come from something so messy that people couldn't possibly understand, I thought I was broken. I remember actually a parent saying to me that I was damaged goods because of where I had come from which is kind of ironic because they had facilitated that childhood. So make of that what you will but I remember carrying that belief that I was somehow broken. It was only by opening myself up to the possibility that that wasn't true, that that was a story and that maybe I could change the narrative that I could change the trajectory of my life if I practiced the radical responsibility. I didn't call it radical responsibility back when I was like 21 by the way I was like I'm gonna fucking show them I'm gonna get a job and go to college and I'm gonna start my first business and it was kind of it was built from fire. It was built from fuck you fire actually if we're really really honest. So I didn't call it radical responsibility back then but that's exactly what it was. And then along the way I learned to be kind to myself I learned to show myself self-compassion and I've been taking nothing but light action ever since. So I know firsthand how powerful possibility can be when you apply it to your life. Remember this isn't about waiting until you're capable or waiting to be worthy. These are all choices because you are capable and you are worthy and you deserve to know what it feels like to have the power of possibility show up in your life to exist. Every day when you wake up and it's a brand new day you get to exercise the power of possibility. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I hope this episode brought you something if it did save it for later as a powerful reminder. Share it with a friend and come hang out with me over on Instagram or over on Substack. You can find me on both accounts at Hayley ScottSummers. I look forward to seeing you guys next week. Bye