No One’s Coming to Save You... But No One’s Stopping You Either

This week on Mindset, Mess & Magic, I’m diving into a truth that can feel both confronting and incredibly freeing: no one is coming to save you… but no one is coming to stop you either. 

I’m talking about the ways we keep ourselves stuck in the waiting room of life, holding out for permission, acceptance, worthiness, perfection, or the “right time” before we finally go after what we want. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, procrastination or wondering how to take the next step, this one’s for you.

In this episode, I explore what radical responsibility really looks like in real life - not as pressure, punishment, or hustle culture, but as personal power. We’re diving into how to stop procrastinating, build confidence, and take aligned action, even when things feel uncertain. I also share why worthiness is not a destination, it’s a decision and how small, consistent action can completely transform your life over time.

This episode is your reminder to stop waiting for the perfect moment, stop handing your power away and start showing up for yourself with more courage, compassion, and consistency. Because if the dream is in your heart, there is a reason for that and you already have more of what you need than you realise.

I also share an exciting announcement: Mindset, Mess & Magic is officially opening up guest spots on the show. So if you’re a listener, a supporter of the work I do, and you feel aligned with the heart and message of this personal development podcast, I’d love to hear from you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Hello, hello. Welcome back to Mindset Mess and Magic. I'm your host, Hayley Scott Summers, and as always, I am so happy that you are here. Now, before I dive into today's episode, I wanted to kind of I'm kind of reversing it. I know I always say thank you at the end, but I'm starting with a thank you. We're starting with gratitude. So I just hopped on to my little app where it's got all my stats about who's listening and which countries are tuning in and cities and you know which episodes are doing well and and I was absolutely blown away because we're now sitting at Mindset Messen Magic, having reached 38 countries and 255 cities, which is amazing. So thank you. And also what actually kind of like made me laugh was like, so it always shows you like the new locations. So a new city that you've reached. Uh and I've got new locations here: New York, New York, Brooklyn, New York, Houston, Texas, Biggles Wade, Bedfordshire. And to be honest, that just really made me laugh and also kind of blew me away a little bit. I was like, how about people listening in New York? So hello, New Yorkers, hello, Texans, and hello Biggles Wadians, is that a thing? It's probably not a thing. But hello to Bedford as well. So that's amazing. Thank you. How how wild and also a little bit funny. And you know what? For anyone that's thinking about doing something and thinking, well, who would care or who would listen or who would read it or who would watch it or any of the things that will sort of pop into our brain when we're thinking about doing something? Um, I had all of those and still do. And it is wild to me to sit there and, you know, a couple of years after starting the podcast, I mean, I've only been really consistent since September last year. It is wild to me to see places like New York on my locations of people tuning in. And so to answer the question of who would listen to the podcast, well, someone in New York, someone in Texas, and and all the other places that have popped up. And I just want you to keep that in mind because I almost haven't done this podcast a hundred million times, and then I didn't for about two years. I had a break from it. And, you know, a lot of the along the way, so much doubt will sort of creep in when you're looking to put some work out into the world, when you want to share something that you really care about, that you're passionate about, that means something to you, the fear can sometimes stop you, it can hold you back, and you can think, well, who would listen, or who would watch this, or who would look at my art, or you know, there are there are people out there who need what you have to put out into the world. And if if I've got people tuning in from New York, like whatever it is that you have to put out in the world, there are other people out there across the globe who need what you have. So please, I'm sharing this with you because I'm a big believer in celebrating little wins, but also just as a reminder for you if you have something and you're wondering, like, oh, who will care? Someone fucking cares. Someone needs what you have. So please let my little celebration be your reminder that you have something that the world needs. Okay, without further ado, I'm gonna dive into today's episode. And we're talking about no one's coming to save you. But more than that, we're gonna talk about the thing that nobody else follows that up with, which is no one's coming to stop you either. Think about that. If no one is coming to save you, that also means that no one is coming to stop you. And the reason why I love this, because here on Mindset Mess and Magic, we practice radical responsibility. We know that we are responsible for our love, our joy, and our success. And so often we can find ourselves in this little weird space where we're kind of waiting for something. And sometimes we don't know what it is that we're waiting for. Sometimes we do. Sometimes it's permission, acceptance, worthiness, perfection, the right time, and 101 other things to maybe get out of our way so that we can then embrace what it is that we want or take the step, make the move, do the thing. But in reality, so many of those things are just perceived. It's just how we imagine it to be. And we use them almost like as a shield. We use them to protect ourselves from what we think will happen if we actually do take the action, if we do make the move, if we do the thing. We're worried that maybe we'll fail, maybe we'll fuck up. People will see us fail and fuck up. And isn't that mortifying? The idea of, you know, plucking up the courage to put something out there into the world and then it not being received, or worse, it being received badly. Like that can be terrifying. It takes courage to show up for yourself, for your dreams, for your goals, for your ideas, for your art, for your passion. It takes courage, but it also takes consistency and a dose of radical responsibility. I feel like we could go through all of these different elements that we use to protect ourselves one by one. I'm not gonna deep dive into them because that would just take forever. But just very quickly, we're just gonna run through kind of like the core ones. So the permission. And I think this is sometimes very much like a hangover for anyone who's spent a lot of their time in their good girl era. And, you know, for anyone like me who grew up in a high-control environment, you know, people pleasing and wondering whether or not it's okay for you to do that. These are things that that kind of like don't leave, you don't leave them in childhood unless you are consciously aware that you are carrying them over into your adulthood. They are these things that can show up in your relationships, in your work with friends and family, and you know, just always wanting to do the right thing by everyone and keep everybody happy. And I think it's safe to say that we all get to a stage in life where we realize that you can't make everyone happy. You can't please everyone. And if you've managed to make everyone else happy, there's a really good chance that you've caused yourself unhappiness in the process. So the whole thing is like it's kind of like a misnomer that you can actually make everybody happy because there's a really good chance you're gonna make yourself unhappy in the process. So the permission, letting go of this idea that you need to wait for anything or for anyone in order to do the thing that you want to do. The other one that is a really big one is is like acceptance. And I do think that this comes with age, unless you've learnt it when you're younger, and that's amazing, and I love that for you. For me, it took some growing, it took some learning, and it took through, it took a lot of moving through different seasons in life and going through a lot of different experiences to kind of get to a stage where it's like I accept myself, I like who I am, and I enjoy my own company, I know what I'm about. And I don't know, I think this is something that you do learn along the way. I don't think there are many, many 21-year-olds, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you are a 21-year-old and you're like, ah, excuse me, I know who the fuck I am. In which case, I love that for you. But for the rest of us, mere mortals, it is often a long and turbulent journey to which we can like fully accept ourselves. And that's not to say that you have to go through, you know, difficulties in order to accept yourself. But I definitely think there's there is some sort of journey. It doesn't have to be hard, you don't have to go through bad things, it doesn't have to be like a struggling artist type thing, but there is an element of sort of, you know, walking a path in order to figure out who you are and what you're about. The other one is worthiness. And I talk about this a lot because worthiness is one of those things that I definitely think people are waiting on. They're waiting to feel good enough in order to do the thing that they want to do. They're waiting to be a bit more qualified, a bit more experienced. Maybe when I do this online course, maybe when I reach this stage in my career, maybe when we've been together for X amount of time, then I'll be worthy. Like all of these things, all these caveats, again, it's it's like it's waiting for someone else. When the worthiness is in you, you already are worthy. Worthiness, I've said this a lot. Worthiness is not a destination, it's a decision. Worthiness is not a destination, it's a decision. It is something that you choose. It's something that you decide. It is not something that you will suddenly arrive at once you reach some kind of, I don't know, self-imposed milestone or a societal imposed milestone that you think once you get to there, then you'll be worthy. Worthiness is a decision. And you can decide at any moment, any day. Again, like life is moment by moment. You don't have to wait till the next Monday to roll around to start your week again, or January, or your birthday for a new year, or you know, or a new year. You know, it's something that you can literally decide moment to moment. If you woke up this morning feeling less than and you've gone about your day and you've realized that you're carrying that feeling, you can stop yourself in that moment and say, Do you know what? Fuck this. I am worthy. I am good enough right now as I am. And I can choose to improve upon myself. I can choose to do things that stretch me and increase my chances of being a more likely match for all the things that I want. But I am worthy right now. Perfection. That is another big one. Perfection. Because this is the sort of thing that I think, especially when we live in this online world, we're seeing like so many things that are highly curated, and a lot of them aren't even real. Like, so many. I saw, I think it was Jen Gottlieb. She did this amazing video on it, and she was listening to these two sort of like female coaches, speakers, and she was like, This is really interesting. And I don't know who these women are. And for her, this was the premise of her reel. And she was confused because she's someone who's in the industry and sort of like has her, you know, has her foot in and and knows kind of all all the kind of like the main players within that industry, and she'd never seen these women before. And then as she was watching the video, she started to realize that they weren't even real, they were AI, and she was like, What the fuck? And uh and like that, I I see that all the time now on social media. I see a lot of AI stuff, and you know, it's not going anywhere, you know, it's here to stay, and uh, I think that I AI has its use, absolutely. But before I digress into AI and all of the pros and cons of that, the reality is that is something that is contributing to our perception of what perfection is potentially supposed to look like. And if you're then comparing yourself, whether it is how you look, what you have, how you live, how you're spending your time, you know, any anything that you can use as some sort of like yardstick against what somebody else is showing online, we can find ourselves falling short. And then we're using that yardstick to measure against something that isn't even fucking real, which is absolutely wild. And I think something that is so important to keep in mind when you are falling down a rabbit hole of comparing yourself to anyone else. Perfection is unattainable. That's not an original statement. You would have heard it a hundred times before. But how many times have you looked at something that you've done or how you're showing up for something, and you just have this kind of like frustrated feeling like, oh, it's not quite there, it's not quite ready, it's not. And the reality is you're looking for it to be perfect, and you might not want to say the words. You might not use the word perfect, you might not be thinking it. But by constantly tweaking something or over-agonizing over something and never fully, you know, submitting it or launching it or, you know, taking it across the finish line, whatever that is for you, for whatever it is that you are working on, you're kind of in this like this state of procrastination. And procrastination is just perfectionism disguised because they show up the same way, and the outcome is always the same. That there is almost no outcome because you cannot achieve perfection. And yet, perfectionism is something that we will often cling to as to reason to why we haven't yet done the thing. It's like, oh, it's not ready, it's not good enough. When in reality, we'd probably make more progress if we just released it out into the world and then made changes. If we feel like that's the sort of thing that we want to do, if we think it's necessary, we can then make changes. Or we can learn from it and go, okay, right. So this is how it turned out. Love that for me. Wasn't quite what I was trying to achieve. Next time I'm gonna do this. And you just learn from it. But if you're never releasing anything and you're always waiting for it to be perfect, nothing gets released because perfection doesn't exist. And then just very quickly, the the last one that kind of like fits into the remit of why we find ourselves waiting as opposed to actually taking the action. It's how many times have you said that to yourself? Well, it's not the right time. It's not the right time. The truth is, it's never the right time. There's never a right time. There are better times, like for sure. And I think this is one of the reasons why this one can be kind of like the most troubling or the tricsiest of all of them, should I say? Because let's say you say, No, I'm not waiting for permission from anybody. No, no, I don't need any permission. I'm my own fucking boss. I accept myself, I know that I am worthy, and perfection doesn't exist. But you know, actually, right now I have like a ton of responsibilities, and I said I'd do this for my family, and I have this work commitment, and and so on, and so on, and so on. I think right time, everyone could apply that to where they are and what they're doing, and there's always gonna be like 50 reasons as to why it's probably not the right time. I would ask myself in that situation, when would be the right time? Like, when are you gonna be free from responsibilities or distractions or all of a sudden have this infinite amount of capacity in order to be able to bring to life and sort out the thing that it is that you want to do? Like, when would be the right time? Because it's so easy. Like, we we're so busy. We're busier now than ever before. Despite we have all this technology to support us in our day-to-day life, we're just busier. We've just we've just filled that time with more stuff and more responsibilities, and I am so guilty of it. I am so guilty of it. So I'm not in any way casting judgment or confusion as to why people do that. I am so bad for this. And I schedule my life, and yet I will still, on top of that, be like, oh, I just need to like fit this in here, and oh, I just need to add more in there. I'm so terrible for it. It's definitely something that I need to learn to not like overload myself with. But if like the right time is the sort of thing that is kind of holding you back right now, and you're sort of thinking that you want to do the thing, but it's not the right time, I would I would urge you to look at your schedule, look at your life, and ask yourself whether or not that is true and whether or not you could remove something from it in order to show up in a different capacity elsewhere. So these are some of those things that can just really keep us in like the waiting room of life because we're kind of just like waiting for something or someone to save us or to get better or to be different, and then we can take action, then we can move, then we can finally do the thing that we want to do, whatever it is. And a lot of these times, these are stories that we're I mean, all of the time it's a story, but so often the story is buried deep. We don't even realize that we're operating with this story because we've had it on loop for so long. Which is why I think it's so important to get some clarity. So if you would unshackle yourself from the notion of like one day or when this happens, then I can do like what would you do? What would you do? This is one of my favorite questions to ask people is I'm never really that interested in the like what do you do question because I think it can be kind of boring. One thing I love to ask people is if you could do anything, what would it be? Because I just love to know the thing that really lights a person up, and you always see that spark, and most people will all would have an answer. And you can then follow it up with like, well, why are you doing that? And people will always have reasons, and it's and it's usually all the things that we just spoke about. It's not the right time. Oh, I don't know if I'm ready or if I'm good enough, or then people won't often, I rightly say it's because I'm not good enough. It'll be like, Well, I don't have qualifications in X, Y, and Z, and I have no experience, or all of these things, all these walls that we put up in front of the things that we truly want, and prevent ourselves from achieving the things that we want and living the life that we want. It's super, super common. So just having that clarity. I said, if you were to unshackle yourself from this notion, like what would you do? I sometimes think, because there's not really much of a transitionary period for a lot of people of going from like childhood to adulthood, we kind of don't realize how much autonomy we have and how much power we have to create a life that we want. Like our perception creates our reality. And like I said before, if if our perception creates our reality and we're living in a reality in which no one can save you, then no one can stop you either. And I remember like this is a really random example. It's it's almost stupid, okay? But I was when I was writing the show notes for today's episode and I was thinking about things, I remember the first time I realized that nobody could stop me. And not in like a defiant teenage fuck you kind of way, because I had a lot of moments like that as a as an actual teenager. But I remember I was about 21, 22, and maybe a bit older, maybe like 23. And I was a single mum and I was working full-time, and we'd left Devon and we were living in Cambridgeshire. And I remember I used to take my daughter Phoebe to nursery. She's like 20 now, so this is going way back when. I used to take her to nursery, and she was always, because I was a single parent and working full-time, she was like the first kid in and the last kid out. And I had to like walk her for about 40 minutes to get to the nursery, to then walk halfway back. I didn't have a car to get to the train station and then do like a 40-minute walk from the train station to where I worked. And I remember I would do this like rain, snow, sun, whatever. Like this was my this was my journey. And I was doing this for a little while, and then one Friday night, this is where it sounds a bit stupid, stay with me. I remember one Friday night leaving the nursery, getting down to the bottom of the road where we lived, and there was a little takeaway on the corner. There was a Chinese takeaway, and then like kind of like almost like a teamy version of KFC, I guess. I can't remember what it's called, but it was like a knockoff version of a KFC. And I remember thinking, I could get a treat for us. Now I know it probably doesn't sound like a big treat, but when you are a young single mum and you are on your own and you are like penny pinching, you're working hard and you know to pay the bills. It was this moment of like, wait, I could do that. And I remember thinking, well, of course you can. You're like an adult, you're responsible for a whole other human being. You you work, you live on your own, like no who's gonna stop you. And I remember, this is why I said it sounds stupid, right? I remember the the joy, the glee of just buying, like going into the Chinese and going, okay, I'm gonna have this. And then I went to the the the Timu fashion of KFC and uh and got my daughter like a chicken burger meal, and uh, and then went back to the Chinese and I picked up a bottle of wine, and then I walked all the way home with my daughter and the Pram and the takeaway and the bottle of wine, and I was like, Oh my god, I could do that. And it was like, wait, am I an adult now? I mean, that sounds ridiculous. Again, I was looking after a whole other human and working full-time, but I just remember that was the first time I realized, wait, I get to decide what I'm doing. Nobody else here is gonna stop me. And I know it might sound like a silly example, but it was round about the same time that I first discovered this world of personal development that you could not change where you came from, but you can change where you're going, and that your thoughts create your reality, and that you have the power to create all these changes in your life. And there is something really powerful about that. It's it's probably overly simplistic, but it starts there, right? It starts with the simple things of going, well, hang on a minute, I'm in charge of me, I'm in charge of my life, I get to decide. So I don't need to wait for anyone. No one's gonna stop me. I can just do these things. And again, like, let's use this power wisely, guys. I think I said that on the episode last week. I was like, don't be a dick. And this is why I'm such a big advocate for radical responsibility. Because it's just it's simply saying, I am responsible for my love, my joy, my success. And no one's coming to save me, but no one's gonna come stop me either. Like I am responsible for those things. And kind of on that note as well, like extending self-compassion to yourself. To be able to say to yourself, I've got you. How do you want to feel? How can you extend grace, love, support, and encouragement to yourself? And I don't say this in a way that is kind of like overly hyper-independent, because I think that that can be problematic as well. Something that I've also been very, very guilty of. So again, not throwing any stones. But this isn't about not being able to rely on anyone else. This is not about saying I don't want or need anyone else. But to have autonomy in yourself, to be walking through your life, not waiting for someone to save you, not, you know, just sitting hoping, wanting, wishing, to actually take full responsibility, to take control of your life and be to not only create the results that you desire to see and the changes that you want, but also to show up for yourself in a way that is loving and kind and supportive, that facilitates a positive environment for you to live in because you just carry you everywhere you go. Like you leave the house, you leave the country, you are always with you. And the environment that you have internally, the way that you talk to yourself, the way that you show up for yourself, that is that is your environment. So to cultivate that as well, instead of waiting for somebody else to make you feel that way or to give you those feelings of comfort and security and love, like you can still receive them from other people, but to be the one who is always there for you as well, it's really important. And like I said, it's not to be hyper-independent and oh, you don't need anyone else at all. Again, I've definitely been through a few of those phases in my life. But the more that you can extend that to yourself, the more you're just going to attract that in the relationships that you have externally as well. So it isn't just about being so self-focused that you don't need anyone else. That's kind of like the opposite end of the scale of what I'm talking about. But it there is an element of understanding that you are the narrator and the main character. I kind of think that we talked about a few episodes back about how like a victim mindset can cock block you from your dreams. And it sounds clickbaity, but it's true, right? It's really, really true. And I think so often we forget that we are the main character. We are the narrator. We are the person. It's our perception that's going to create our reality. And therefore, we have so much more control over outcomes in our life than potentially we would be willing to kind of acknowledge. And I know sometimes that can feel kind of annoying to hear, especially for those of us who are very busy, shall we say. Those productive humans who have endless to-do lists and responsibilities. And I get it. Like I absolutely get it. Like I have a family, a restaurant, I've got like 15 members of staff, a grandchild, all of these things alongside the podcast and coaching and all these other things that I really want to grow in life. And the biggest advice I could give to anyone who is also juggling a multitude of commitments and is going, okay, well, I'm not waiting for anyone to save me, but also I'm really fucking time poor. My biggest advice would always be that small, consistent action stacks up. So we're not waiting for our schedule to magically clear because if you're like me, that's probably very unlikely to happen anytime soon. We are sort of human beings that are always looking to create more, grow more, achieve more. And I'm not here for busy, toxic, kind of just like relentless to-do lists in order to satiate some kind of desire to feel worthy and putting our self-worth in our productivity. Not here for that at all. But there are so many of us who are very prolific, creative human beings who are who are doing a lot with their time. So if that is you and you are saying, Well, I'm not waiting, I'm not doing all these things, I'm not waiting for perfectionism. I just really have a big old fucking to-do list and it's relentless, then you can take small, consistent actions. They do make a difference. They absolutely do make a difference. And you know, the the podcast is not my full-time business at all, not even a little bit. And yet, because it's something that's really, really deeply important to me, I'm averaging an episode probably like every 10 to 10 to like, yeah, about every 10 days, every 10 to 14 days. And I'd love to do more. I would absolutely love to do more. But right now, that's what I can do with the capacity that I have. So just doing that consistently, I've already seen huge benefits. So whatever it is that you want, you could just do a small amount of it, but just do it consistently and regularly. Don't wait for the schedule to be cleared. So my question is to you if no one is coming to save you, and by extension of that, no one is gonna stop you, what is your next move? I just want to go through a very brief exercise with you guys before we wrap this up. If it's safe to do so, close your eyes and visualize with me. If you're driving, if you're operating heavy machinery, I sound like the back of a paracetamol packet. Um, if you are doing anything that requires your focus or attention, please just listen along. But if you are not and you have the ability to close your eyes and journey with me for a second, I just want you to think about if not now, when? What is it that you need in your core to happen before you take the aligned action in order to create the thing that you want? Whatever that is for you. What what needs to shift in your world in order for you to feel safe, to move forward, to do the thing, to take the action, whatever that is, what is it that you are waiting for? And I think even if on the surface, more time or to feel ready or any of these things, question it with love, with compassion, with understanding, just ask yourself what is it that I need right now in order to make me feel like it's okay for me to take the next step. I just want to reiterate what I said when I started the podcast that if there is something that is in your heart, something that you have been craving or something that is calling to you, there is a reason that it is calling to you. There is a reason that you are carrying around this dream, this idea, this notion of doing something. It's because it's meant for you. It's not meant for anybody else. And if you have that, it means that you also have everything else you need inside of you to bring it to life. And and these might not be things that you have like in full now. There is so much about this journey in life that we just we learn along the way, we figure it out along the way, but you have to give yourself permission, you have to give yourself grace, you have to say to yourself, it's okay, you can fucking do this. Like you have to be your own biggest cheerleader. Because in those moments when doubt starts to creep in, when you're unsure if it's the right time, if you're hoping that something will come along and magically fix everything for you, in those moments when you think about just giving up and not taking the action, you need to be the one who's got your back. You need to be the one that doesn't let you down. You can give yourself grace, you can give yourself a break, you can give yourself time off. We're not here for that whole hustle culture bullshit. But you have to be the one who holds yourself accountable because nobody is coming to save you, but also no one is gonna stop you. I hope today's episode gave you some clarity. As always, take what you need, leave what you don't. I appreciate you being here. And before I love you and leave you, I have a very brief announcement. Something exciting, something new for Mindset Mess and Magic. So for a couple of months now, I've been receiving emails from people in the industry and from their agents about being a guest on the show. And at first I was like, nah, that feels silly. That doesn't, that's not real, that's that's spam. And uh and after a while, I came to realize that it wasn't actually spam, they were real people that wanted to come on the show. Maybe that's one of my limiting beliefs to work on, by the way. I was like, oh, that possibly can't be for me. Anyway, um, after some long consideration and doing a little bit of research, I've decided that I am opening up guest spots for the show. So I did do a little shout-out on social media and have already received a great response from some really interesting and amazing women who are keen to be a guest on the show. I also want to throw out there for anyone who has been a listener of the show, who is a fan of the work that I do, who feels like their values and their goals are in alignment and that they would have something fresh and new to bring to Mindset Mess and Magic. So if this does sound like you and you would be interested in joining me, then just send me an email along with your press kit if you have one to hailyscottsumers at gmail.com.