067 The Cult that Killed my Son

In this episode, Isabella talks about her experiences navigating the challenges of growing up with a narcissistic mother and the ways it impacted her self-esteem. She discusses how these early dynamics influenced her journey through grief after losing her husband, and the steps that led her to seek solace in what she believed to be a spiritual path, which turned out to be a horrific cult.

Isabella shares how losing her son to death within the cult, was the eye-opening, pivotal moment that pushed her to leave, and the personal growth that followed. This conversation explores the effects of family dynamics on mental health, the complexities of grief, and the importance of self-awareness and resilience when rebuilding after life-altering experiences.

This episode provides insights into overcoming personal and external challenges and highlights the power of self-discovery and transformation.

You can find Isabella on:
Email: isabellayoung19@gmail.com
Website and books: www.feelingbetternaturally.love
YouTube: Feeling Better Naturally
Substack: https://www.substack.com/@feelingbetternaturally

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

My family was my first cult. He was a hypocrite and a liar and a gas lighter. He found him behind the house and he had a knife wound to his neck. He was dead.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Hi guys, Jenica here from Multispective and I'm here to share with you a new episode where I interview Isabella. She talks about a variety of different issues that she experienced in her life, including a narcissistic mother, losing her husband to death, joining and being in a very, very abusive cult and then losing her son to murder in the cult and then having to rebuild and undo, unravel all of the trauma that she'd experienced and then eventually find a path of spirituality for herself. But I think what I really like is her perspective and the way that she's been able to heal from it. Please don't forget to subscribe if you like this content. Share it with your friends and family. We're here to help. We're here to heal. We're here to provide any kind of help anyone might need. So feel free to contact us if you feel like you need any help in your own journey. Isabella, welcome to Multispective. I am so glad to have you here with us. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_00 1:18

I'm excited to be speaking with you, Jenica. Looking forward to our conversation. Thank you for the opportunity to share my experiences with you and your audience.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Of course, of course. You know, you have quite a unique story. It seems like there's a lot of different facets to your story. So could you just tell us where does your story begin?

SPEAKER_00 1:38

The story begins from childhood. My family was my first cult. My mother was my first cult leader and she had a narcissistic personality disorder and did the typical cult leader things like triangulated my brothers and I and basically her had us all either aligned, when we were aligned with her, then she would be kind and loving and if we opposed her, she would be vicious and nasty. She was very critical, self-absorbed and she used me as her confidant when she was going through the divorce with my dad and I was only about 12 at the time and she told me things that I shouldn't have known or shouldn't have been concerned about and that really set me up for the rest of my life and also the cult experience that I then got into because no one enters a cult knowing it's a cult. I thought I had found my guru and I was going into an ashram to further my spiritual training, but that's not what happened at all. I was actually very vulnerable and ready to be taken advantage of by the cult leader. Right. You mentioned that

SPEAKER_02 3:01

you were sort of born into it. I just want to delve a little bit more into that. You said your mom already was a leader.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

No, the family dynamic was run like a cult. So from my understanding, cults aren't necessarily just religious or spiritual groups. They can be a family. It can be a relationship. They can be a cult of one, where the same dynamics that operate in a high-control group like a cult operate in a relationship. There are also cults that are multilevels. marketing groups or political parties or sporting groups. So the same dynamics that played out in the cult that I later became a part of played out in the family. You know, my mother was the arbitrator of truth and everyone had to follow her rules or else you were ousted. And, you know, she triangulated people. She gaslit. She lied. You know, there was the psychological abuse, psyops, all the same features of a cult were present in my family. And so that's what I mean. She wasn't necessarily out there being a cult leader. In fact, I suppose she was an atheist cult leader. And so I was raised as an atheist where this was particularly damaging because she told us that God didn't exist, that in fact it was anyone who believed in God or was religious was really almost a subhuman. really very unintelligent and pathetic. And so I grew up with this superior attitude to other people. Somehow I knew better than them. I really knew what was going on, whereas everyone else was fooled by this whole God business.

UNKNOWN 4:46

So that took a while to heal from as well.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

People generally think of a cult means that it must be some form of religious belief or some ideology that is stemming Or at least that these leaders would use religion as a way to kind of like mind control people. But it doesn't necessarily have to be that. It can just be someone who just has this narcissistic kind of like power of being able to like make everyone believe whatever it is that the individual themselves believe and create behaviors around that where everyone feels this need to please their leader in a sense. What ways would you say that it's impacted you? you and your siblings and your father as well?

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Well, what it created in me was a self-love deficit disorder, which is what a narcissistic personality disorder is as well. To those looking from the outside, someone with a narcissistic personality disorder, you'd say, oh, they love themselves. They're so self-absorbed. They don't actually. They hate themselves. They've got a void of self-hatred that's unfillable and And the way that they get their needs met is to create this false persona that knows it all, that's confident. But really, they're extremely damaged individuals. And the problem with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder is they have no ability to self-reflect. They have no empathy. And that's not really something that can be fixed.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Yeah. Can you tell me about the role of your father at this point? How close were you to him? How secure and safe did you feel around him? What was your relationship like with him?

SPEAKER_00 6:36

My father had codependent tendencies, so he would do everything that he could to please my mother. And she's unpleasable. Someone with a narcissistic personality is never happy. It's never enough. They've always got an issue. They're always demanding. They're always needing. And so he did his best to keep her happy but she she was not able to be pleased by him and they went through a very contentious nasty ugly divorce and she used me she turned me against him she poisoned me against him and she told me how pathetic he was and on and on like that so that really fractured my relationship with him for from probably about 12 till my early 20s and then I had to go about repairing that and he passed just recently and we had a beautiful relationship once she was out of the picture and he was there for me when I needed him when I had crises in my life he was there, he was a good dad once he got free and clear of her

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Right. So would you say like when you were still with your mom before you were 12, when your mom and dad were still together as well, would you say when you say that your dad was always trying to like please your mom and listen to her and follow her rules and kind of codependent, would you say that he would sort of follow whatever she would kind of dictate regarding how to treat you?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

I wouldn't say she generally didn't. When I was younger, she didn't treat me badly. Sadly, she was just so obsessed with herself that I just sort of fell out of the– I didn't really matter so much. What I was really feeling as a child didn't really matter. It was more the external appearances that were important to her, that we looked like we were a happy family or whatever, but that wasn't really what was happening behind the scenes, behind closed doors. There was a lot of fighting and just tension and and a happy home.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

So walk me through... the first sort of entrance or what kind of triggered you into joining the first kind of cult that you actually joined with the ashram. Can you just tell me a little bit about what caused you to decide to seek it out in the first place?

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Being raised an atheist, like I said, I had this hatred towards God. And when I was in my early 20s, I met a man who ended up being my husband. And we had a really very beautiful relationship. where he he was a wiser older man he shared with me books and we did meditation together and we did a tantra course together so he basically initiated me into this you know spiritual

SPEAKER_01 9:44

path

SPEAKER_00 9:45

we were living out my dream which is to be on a couple of acres with fruit trees and animals and chickens and vegetable garden and all that and we had a child together and I was three months pregnant with our second child and he went off to work one day. He was on the wave of this bringing outdoor adventure education into the corporate world for personal development, team building and all that. So he went off to work and I got a knock on the door at 10 o'clock that morning from the local cop and a neighbor and they told me that he'd been found dead in his car at work. So that was the of that dream that was the end of my you know that soulmate connection well at that time it was the end of the dream of living as as a family on the on the farm because i just i couldn't manage it by myself we were chopping wood for uh heat and whatever so i went on a oh i wanted to die at that point but i knew i couldn't because i had i was pregnant and i had a child so i went on a long search for just where to be, how I was going to reconform my life after that. And that took years, really, to find a home again and to find a course that I wanted to continue on. And I did this, it was a shamanic retreat called Dying to Live. And it was basically a week-long preparation for death. It was a sensory deprivation, so we were blindfolded and we were in silence unless we were in the temple space where we wrote our eulogies, wrote letters of forgiveness and apology and wrote our wills out and basically just prepared as if we were going to die on the last day of the retreat. And I put my heart and soul into this because I knew my death, which had been so hard, really since he died and I knew it wasn't healthy at all because I understood that if I kept going down that road, that's where I would go and I didn't want to do that to my children. So on the last day of the retreat was this guided meditation that was a death experience and I remember the words antikarana and merkaba and then I just went out. I went way, way out and I met these beings where I was given some instruction and one of them was to start training with this spiritual teacher. I'm going to use air quotes because he's nothing, not that at all. And I came back from the meditation and I was really, it took me four days to basically like re-coagulate my body from that experience. And then I called him up. I told him what had happened and he said, come and meet me in New Zealand. He was doing a millennium event. So this is back in 2000. And then following that, he said, why don't you come and train with me? He had an ashram in Laguna Hills in California. And I was looking for a spiritual teacher. I did want to be guided. My life had become mainly my children and my spiritual path, my growth and evolution. And I knew I was wounded. I knew I had issues. And I knew that I needed healing. So I had been to India during that time. time to stay in an ashram a couple of times. So I wanted a guru. So there he presented himself as my guru who knew me better than anyone else. And I went over to America. I went first for a month by myself. My mother looked after my children and I lived in his home with him. He had a couple of different homes that were part of the ashram. And so there was a small community there and then people from outside the houses would come to. We had like group meetings, satsangs, darsans and all those sorts of things. And I was living in the home basically as the housekeeper, really. You know, I was cooking, cleaning, taking care of the home like that, which of course is presented as a great honor. You know, anything that you do for Guruji is a great honor. You're so blessed to be able to serve him. So at the end of that month, We went on a retreat to Sedona. That was some grand stellium or whatever powerful event. And on the last night of that, we went up to watch the sunrise from this rock tower. And there was a group of us, about 12 people. And he called me up, faced me into the setting sun and said, cast your deepest desire into the sun, which is to serve God. That's my deepest desire. It's still the same. And he passed in a note over my shoulder and it said, there's something I want to share with you. And when I opened it up, it said, it's called the rest of my life. And I turned around and he's down on one knee and people are blowing bubbles and there's rose petals on the ground. And he proposed to me. So I felt that was my next step. And I said, yes. And we were married, spiritually married, and then went and got the children and came back and we had a formal wedding and started life as a family in this ashram.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Did you feel like you loved him or was this, did you feel like this was something you just kind of had to do because he's your guru and you have to kind of like... Yeah,

SPEAKER_00 16:30

that's so interesting because I would have said that I loved him. I know that I said and I felt like I loved him, but I wasn't attracted to him. He's this little gnomish guy and he lived most of his recent adult years as a gay man with a gay husband, so he was very effeminate and not really attractive to me. to me at all so that felt off from the start but mostly I felt that that was my dharma that was my path to follow and I do my best to be obedient to follow what direction or what instructions I'm given so you know I suppose I tried but I know I remember calling a friend not long after I said oh I don't even like him he's just a you know he's a horrible person but I kept on with the believing that I needed to be there because i needed to heal so i could be a better person you

SPEAKER_02 17:34

know

SPEAKER_00 17:35

right and so i i stayed and stayed and it was just it was hell he was one of the ways that he always got a reaction out of me and tortured me basically was to be really mean to my children and he you know as a narcissist he triangulated the children so he would tell them that i loved them differently you know i loved one more than the other we i actually i skipped over the bit that we consummated the marriage one time and I got pregnant and after I got pregnant which was only a month into the marriage he never touched me again I mean he would make a public show of like holding my hand or whatever but he never approached me ever again to have sex with him or to be like even physically close so that was hell that's another form of sexual abuse that really doesn't get talked about but I was you know I was in agony. It really hurt me personally, but also physically to not have that physical affection. I had a daughter. We had a daughter. And then she was, it sounds batshit crazy, but he told everyone that she was the embodiment of Lord Ganesha, who's the remover of obstacles. And he told me that she was going to help me remove all my obstacles that were standing between me and God or me and him. And he got all the people in the actually put her in a chair and touch her feet and worship her or whatever. And that was so damaging for my other two children because they were supposed to do that too. So there was all these mind games going on, all these gaslighting lies. And what I found out later, like a lot of the things now that I'm talking about, it didn't come out for years. In fact, even within the last five years, I found out a lot of this information. So while I was in a celibate marriage, he's grooming me. the young boys and he's having sex with the male cult members and he's got randoms going he's hooking up all the time he's going to the gym he's off to Palm Springs you know he's he's living the life as a gay man he has a sex addiction I was like my mother too you know for the narcissist it's all about sex money and power so he had all those all those things going and I was just just so naive and brainwashed that I really didn't have much of a clue of what was really going on. But on the surface, like I said, he had the rules that we're supposed to follow. We're supposed to get up early in the morning and meditate and chant his name and serve him whatever he needed and then do whatever we were doing to support his ministry. I was writing a book at the time. I call it my cult classic. Don't ever read it. Don't ever buy it. But I collected stories and people who'd met him and had their lives transformed by him. So that was my service, but other people were doing the accounting or doing the gardening

SPEAKER_01 20:36

or

SPEAKER_00 20:37

cleaning homes or whatever, and everyone would come to our home on a Saturday morning and have it turned out to be into the afternoon and have to clean the house, basically with like Q-tips along baseboards and stuff like that. He had everyone serving him all the time. There wasn't much room left for an independent life because either you were working to earn money, which was then tithed back to him because you have to pay 10% of your income, your gross income, whether that's for wages or whether you get an inheritance or sell something. All that 10% has to go to him in order for anyone to be around him. And that's how he continues on with his dirty business. I guess that's

SPEAKER_02 21:16

also how you kind of plead your allegiance in a sense, like you show your loyalty by money and service kind of thing, right? What was this cult called? Is there a name for this

SPEAKER_00 21:27

group? Yeah, it's still going. It's It's called, his name, and I really don't like saying it because it's so true. His name's, he gave himself a name. Actually, he said that Yogananda came to him and gave him a name. And his name is Louis-Dor Dompre. And he has the Louis-Dor Dompre Foundation. And it's still running in Laguna Hills in California. And he has cults in, I'm not sure, I think it's condensed now because he's had a lot of, he doesn't really want to get into the spotlight it's interesting because he's been able to scoot through being a fairly sort of low-key cult member he's run that same scam on people for it's getting like 20 years now they're still you know they're still paying him believing him even though he's had deaths on his hands and he's been he he's told his uh long-time cult members who know what that he's out there on you know tinder dates and hookups and with randoms he's told them that that because they have such a high level of consciousness that they can handle this information. They can reconcile the fact that... What I totally missed out on was what he says about himself and he proclaims to be the second coming. He's the Maitreya. He's the Kalki avatar. He's the one who's here to save humanity. So here he is, you know, hooking up, grooming people in the cult, having sex with male cult members and all that. And it's... So there's this... discrepancy, to say the least, between who he says he is and how he behaves. And those cult members, he's told that they're so highly evolved that they can reconcile this discrepancy. And so they do. So they know that when he comes to town, he's going to be off hooking up and converting new male cult members. And he's not so much into the grooming boys anymore. The boys that were in the themselves and very damaged by their experiences with him. A cult leader in Melbourne had two nephews who came to live with her and they were very damaged when they came and they were told from a very young age that they were gay and all their issues would go away if they just accepted that and she sent them to his bed and they were abused and that's how I know what happened to my son, which is a huge part of the story. He was particularly just hateful towards my son because my son was, he could see through him. He just, he could never take him seriously. He didn't want to do what he was told and he was punished. He was given thousands and thousands of lines to write. There were punishments and one of his favorites was to make people write lines, affirmations. And so my son always had to write, I am obedient or I had to write, I'm the wife of Christ for 99 times for 33 days. He was just awful and hateful towards my son. How old was your son at this point? He was, at this point, he was 15. So we'd been living in the cult for seven years. And it was just, it was, like I said, it was hell. And one day my son came home from school and he was really upset. He didn't want to talk about what was going on. So I said, well, why don't you sleep on it and we'll talk about it. the morning and in the morning he was gone and I knew something was wrong I knew that it was totally out of character we called his friends no one had seen him so by two o'clock that afternoon we reported him missing to the police and then on that was Saturday and on Sunday the cult leader sent his assistant to look for him and he found him behind the house he was dead and he had a a knife wound to his neck. It was one of the kitchen knives from the house that was found there. And the cult leader blamed me, told me that was because I was disobedient. I hadn't given my son the life that he wanted because he'd come there, you know, he'd come with this big mission and I was in the way because I was disobedient. And so he'd taken his own life. And then the other part of that was he said that, and this is what he announced at my son's memorial service that my son was gay. Here we go with the whole gay thing. My son was gay and he knew that that was unacceptable to me. And so he took his own life, which is a heinous lie. That would never have been unacceptable to me. So not only did my son die, actually he was murdered. That's what I've come to find out. He was taken out. But I was then blamed for that. And that was just, yeah, I didn't want to breathe after that for a very long time. I spent months just going breath to breath. But once again, I knew that I had children and I didn't want them to go through another loss. So I stayed alive, but I knew I had to get out. And that took me a while to even get out. I was still so like, I'm just going to use the word mind fucked because it's the best way to describe what happens to people when they're brainwashed, just get really fucked in the head. So I went along to see this, he'd been the cult counsellor. I never went To see him. I was so disobedient. But I just didn't want to go. I didn't want to pay the time. But anyway, I went along because I knew that he had a long history with the cult leader and the cult members. And when I walked in the door, he said to me, you know you're in a cult, don't you? And I said, no, I don't know I'm in a cult. I thought I was in a restaurant with my guru. And he said, go home and Google cult characteristics. So I did. And sure enough, there's the list. Arbitrator of truth.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

To the tune.

UNKNOWN 28:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

gives out punishments for those who don't obey. There was all the gaslighting and the psychological operations and brainwashing, mind control, lack of sleep, controlled diets. All those characteristics I recognized were present and I went, oh yeah, I'm in a cult. I have to get out. And then he pulled out all these trump cards which were that he wouldn't let me go, wouldn't let me take my daughter wouldn't let me leave the state which is all legal and I felt totally trapped because I didn't have anywhere to really go I didn't even want to stay in the states actually and I couldn't really go back to Australia because then there would be this whole international law drama you know where it could become a big deal and the way that he really got me though was he said we've journeyed thousands of lifetimes to be together this is your this is The culmination of your spiritual, all the work that you've done over lifetimes, this is the epitome, the highlight of your existence was to be with me and we were going to model the divine family or some bullshit. So he said, if you leave me, you're turning your back on God, on yourself, on your Dharma. Because that was really important to me. That was really what... was the last hurdle for me to overcome. I don't know why he let me go. I think he let me go because without drama, he actually let me move. I moved to Hawaii, so I moved out of state. But I think that he knew that I was going to end my life and he was going to have another death on his hands and he didn't want any more attention on him because he'd spun my son's death as a suicide, told everyone that story, but really that was a cover-up. and you didn't want any more attention on him. So I was... I escaped to Hawaii, and that's where I've been living ever since, and that's really when the real healing started, when I had to look at myself and go, what the hell? How did this happen? Because I learned about narcissistic personality disorder. I didn't know about that before. It was all well and good to say he's a narcissist, but what did that mean about me that I would get into a relationship with a narcissist? And that's when I understood about codependency, my lack of self-awareness, love and the need for me to love myself. That's been an ongoing journey to really love myself.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

I mean, there's so much to this story. I didn't even want to stop you in the middle with questions because, you know, the whole story was sort of unfolding and I could really feel the pain as you're unraveling the story. So it sounds like, you know, obviously it's going to be something that you will forever kind of live with, but it's so nice to know that you are kind of like going through that healing journey and i think that first step is really having awareness right that like you said having awareness that you were in a cult in the first place right which was which was like the first time when the counselor told you like this is a cult and you started reading about it but i i'm also actually really curious when you said that the counselor he was called he was from and within the cult so he was hired by the cult leader he was close to the cult leader um what made him have a change of sort of heart and you tell you about this or go against it himself

SPEAKER_00 31:46

he had his own uh epiphany he hadn't he actually hadn't been the cult counselor for probably a couple of years he'd had his own epiphany he initially believed in the this cult leader but he saw through him and then he stopped doing stopping associated with the cult and cult leaders and it was it was actually a good deal for him there was another the kinesiologist who would come and work with cult members too and we you know we had sessions every uh like every fortnight every two weeks or whatever and that so they were you know there was a lot of money coming to them there was like that type of money incentive but once he really saw through the hypocrisy and the grooming and the torture that people will put through the mental torture you know the punishments like i said people were made to like sleep in cars and pick up dog shit and be ostracized and that he would always straight relationships so that people, usually people who clashed were put together either in a house or sometimes even married. He saw what was going on and then he didn't have any more involvement. But I went to see him a couple of years later and he'd already seen what was going on.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

What was the ultimate belief in this? What was the thing that was roping people in and keeping them in? There's two parts to this question. One, how did they find people? and recruit people? And number two, what was their ultimate message that they were getting across to keep people in? What was the idea? He

SPEAKER_00 33:22

presented himself as the second coming, and we were all his disciples, and we were all here to help humanity. So we were helping him on his mission. And that played into, you know, people in the cult were genuinely good people who did want to do good. just wounded people. So that's how he got people in. There's an opportunity to serve humanity, serve other people, help other people, and this is how you can do it, through his ministry, by following his directions, by listening to his bullshit. That was the main. And the other part of that too is that he having omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotence, he's God incarnate, right? He's an avatar. So he knows He knows people better than they know themselves and he can help people heal and evolve. So anyone who's interested in the spiritual path, in soul evolution, he can...

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

And how he recruited people was he would, and still does, he does talks and seminars and retreats and then he announces himself as their guru and... invites people in because it's also special right if you get to talk to Guruji or be in his presence or you know have anything to do with him it's you know you're blessed and so people feel he makes people feel special it's the same it's a typical cult like program where you get love bombed so you get told how wonderful you are and everyone's loving and there's all that build up and that's great because you know we all love that but pretty soon afterwards woods there's the fear bombing just going to call it that so where you get broken down where you get just shredded and gutted and basically emotionally abused and that creates a trauma bond and then so people are like stuck in this in this trauma bond and it's really difficult to get out of that because you're always hoping you know just waiting for Guruji to give you a bit of a glance or touch you on the head or something like that you know There's that whole dynamic gets set up and it's really difficult to get out of. And I just wanted to say that often the advice given to people who know people in cults is to not say anything. Don't tell them they're in a cult because it's going to distance your relationship with them and then that will drive them further into the cult. You've probably heard that. But if that guy hadn't told me that I was in a cult, how would I have known? If you don't know your You're in a cult. If you don't know you're in a cage, then how are you going to break free? So I have an issue with that just from my own experience. Like if there's a way that you can tell someone that they're in a cult, this is something that I'm still coming to terms with is the fact that my family knew I was in a cult, my friends knew I was in a cult, and no one said anything to me, no one. There was only one person I remember who said, oh, you know you don't need a guru, do you? And I said, well, you know, at this stage I do because I'm pretty messed up. up but my parents went along to see a cult expert a year after i left australia and i don't know what he told them i think he said oh just wait till the children are 18 or whatever because you're going to get in the legal battle with them and uh they they never said anything to me and i just i just i from my experience i feel that there's a way that that information could be presented like my family had the i've got like five lawyers they've got enough legalese enough money and time or whatever to be able to at least mount some kind of like information campaign so he could have they could have got a private investigator to follow him photograph him with the hookups do forensic accounting show me that the money is being siphoned off you know for him to because he was stashing money for his like real estate investments and portfolios and all that bullshit well I'm still impoverished and giving money to him so you know if there was evidence presented to me like here here's him hooking up with X, Y, Z. He's the forensic accountant. That would have opened your eyes up to... Just present evidence. Not just, oh, you know you're in a cult, don't you? But here's the evidence. And that may have been another way to snap me out of the delusion that I was in. And that may be a way for other people to present information, is to provide more evidence. Like, what is a cult? Provide You know,

SPEAKER_02 38:15

you'd gone through something so traumatic within the cult and you were being thrown under fire over something that happened to you, right? The loss of your son. And so when that came to you, it kind of did make you like stop and think for a second. Whereas if the same person had said the same thing to you, maybe a year before that, when you were a stronger believer, you really believed in what was happening, maybe you wouldn't have bought into it as much. Do you think that that's true? Like timing matters?

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Oh yeah, definitely timing. And I know that my son's death was the, that was the key because before that I was still in the, like I was really seriously mentally ill and deluded. When I read back on things that I wrote during that time, like letters I wrote to my mother, like pleading her to, you know, not be so antagonistic or whatever towards him. I think, oh my God, I, there was no, I was unreachable. I think I was unreachable until I, my son was murdered and then I was just completely shattered.

SPEAKER_02 39:15

When you were at that stage of finding out what had actually happened to your son, did you find out what was the reason behind the

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Because my son would have exposed him as a groomer, a pedophile, a rapist, a con man, and a really evil, sick person. My son would have exposed him.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

And were they worried that he had evidence, or did they know that he had some evidence of this or something, why they felt

SPEAKER_00 39:44

extra threatened? How I know what happened is, like I said, there was those two young boys in the cult in Melbourne. They came out later and told me what happened to And so I knew that that was also what was happening to my son. It's just how these demons, really, how they operate.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

Ever since you've been out, have you been trying to expose, are you working towards exposing him and the cult and, you know, saving or helping the other people that are still within it?

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Yes, I am. I have a, I really, I don't know what sounds pretty, I like true crime. And I thought, well, you know, I've got a true crime story in my own experience. So I started on my YouTube channel, I started a series called The Cult in the Colder sack, a true crime, where I talk about what happened in the cult, exposing him that way. I don't feel like it's my life mission to expose him. I know that he's already, I'm not going to pursue the legal route. I just don't want to go down that route. I don't really want to engage with him any other way. I don't feel like it's my job to end his reign of evil. I feel like I know that he's already suffering enough. He goes about He's chasing anal sex, whereas I'm checking the tide times and seeing when it's a good time to go for a snorkel. I know he has to wake up every day and lie. He has to continue to lie to everyone, make up stories. He's feeding his demons all day every day. That's living in hell. So I'm not trying to make him pay for what he's done, but I do want to raise awareness. I can see how humanity is enslaved in this world And so my main purpose now is to speak about that because most people have no idea that that's even happening. And then other people will just call that a conspiracy theory, which is just such a typical cult. Because even with the cult I was in, we would laugh about it. Oh, we're the cult. It's not really a cult, that type of thing. People don't realize that we are all being subjected to mind control tactics and brainwashing like through television and the internet and cell phones and the school system you know that's a whole system of indoctrination it's not schooling it's brainwashing so you get into this mindset of having to earn money and pay taxes and live your life like that and then there's the whole the main systems of control are the religions education the legal system the political system and all these systems work together to to keep people unaware of who they are, why we're here, being able to live our full potential. They keep us controlled, fearful, sick, and ignorant, and enslaved. So that's really where my emphasis is now, is taking my experience from the cult that I was in to then talk about the bigger cult, the bigger picture. What

SPEAKER_02 42:56

would the ideal world or system be to you in your understanding Where

SPEAKER_00 43:04

everyone understands natural law, which is inherent in creation, and natural law basically has seven principles, but basically they're the things like the law of cause and effect, so everything has a cause, every cause has an effect and every effect has a cause, understanding that everything's in vibration, everything's energy, understanding that what you do and say and think has an effect, and so basically the rule of natural law is do no harm. So don't be controlling other people. Don't be stealing from other people. Don't be messing with other people. Just live in service to a higher power. Follow your intuition. Follow your guidance. Live your life in service to a higher, like the good of all. So everyone's working towards that goal, working towards making sure that everybody's taken care of. So it's egalitarian, not this top-down power structure. bullshit this pyramidal power structure so everyone's working together working in

SPEAKER_02 44:10

unity

SPEAKER_00 44:11

working in community but also working with nature so recognizing nature as a conscious being and all of nature all you know there's consciousness in everything and that that we can be served because nature's here to serve us as well and that we all can create a abundant prosperous life for all and not this other bullshit that's going on. Who would then

SPEAKER_02 44:40

be responsible for enforcing these consequences? As you mentioned, it's hard for people to sometimes fathom or understand this cause and effect if there are no top-down leadership or governance.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

It's about self-responsibility. You have to take responsibility for yourself. It requires a higher level of maturity.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

And

SPEAKER_00 45:07

so, you know, everybody needs to be responsible. But then, of course, we're human. So I imagine that there would be some, like, appointed group or whatever, however it works in Indigenous

SPEAKER_01 45:20

groups,

SPEAKER_00 45:21

tribes, however they work it out, when there's a transgression of the natural law or there's harm done to another, however they work it out.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

You know, I think this Yeah, idealistic, sort of like definitely a way that, you know, hopefully one day humanity can reach to. I do see to an extent, though, why maybe things have evolved the way that they have. But yeah, I hope that at some point in the later future that we will get to that place where we can all be educated enough and aware enough and moralistic enough for us to not act on impulse or not act on negative emotion. and be more thoughtful and intentional in our actions and our behaviors. I think that it would still take some time for us to get there.

SPEAKER_00 46:13

But we will. We will get there. Because we are on an evolutionary path. We are souls evolving. And here in Earth School, we are at the moment going through a particularly powerful initiation where the light, quote, Right. Yeah. Well, they're basically human parasites will continue to decrease and they'll cease to exist. It has to happen.

SPEAKER_02 47:13

I like that. Can you just tell me also just like how did you get to this sort of understanding of all? I know you mentioned about the sun gazing and how that sort of helped you to sort of understand things a little bit better. But did you have any sort of guidance after that? Did you seek out guidance or was it books that you were reading like that helped you to sort of understand? unveil all of this yeah

SPEAKER_00 47:35

all of that basically what happened when i got into hawaii was i really deepened my connection with nature i've always been more at home in nature my part in my early years i was an outdoor education instructor so i taught climbing and skiing and i spent a lot of time mostly in the wilderness i spent more time in a tent than in a house so i've always had a connection with nature but when i got here i could start hearing nature talk to me so i I understood the connection of being, sorry, I understood how important it is to be directly connected to Earth, skin to Earth, to be receiving Earth energy and to be balanced like electromagnetically and physiologically and it's called grounding. To find out more and for the best information on that is a documentary called Earthing and it's on YouTube by Clint Over and where they actually have scientific proof of what happens to the human body when we are directly connected skin to earth. So I haven't worn shoes for about eight years now. I mean, I do wear them if I'm on rough ground or whatever, but basically I don't wear shoes so I stay directly connected to the earth. And that, like I said, balances me. I mean, we're in this electromagnetic chaos and we have our own subtle electromagnetic frequencies and that's easily disturbed by any type of electromagnetic forces from electricity, dirty electricity, cell phones, computers, being in a city, you know, that's just chaos for the human body so grounding is essential you know just to to be directly connected to the earth every day

SPEAKER_01 49:11

and that can

SPEAKER_00 49:12

that that can be bare feet on the earth lying on the earth touching trees hugging trees touching plants touching pets that are outdoor pets and then there are there are meditations that you can use visualizations that you can use you know use your intention to be connected to the earth and there are also devices so there are grounding devices. There are shoes and sheets and mouse pads and all sorts of things, mats, that you can use to stay connected to earth energy. And the other important thing about that is we're going through a lot of changes at the moment, like I said, with the light frequencies. And as you can see, just look around, you know, there's a lot of chaos in the world. And the way I've stayed stable, relatively stable through all the changes is to be aligned with it earth energy so whatever changes in earth energy I'm connected to so I'm not thrown around as much by what's happening so in addition to being connected to the earth then I also like I said taken as much light as I can through my eyes or by eating foods that are living foods because they have biophotonic energy in them too so I sprout my own sprouts I eat the most freshly picked locally grown fruits and vegetables to get the light information into my body so that then that my body's in optimal health and drinking water that's um or spring water or water that's been out in sunlight or natural water pure water blessed water and that also increases my light quotient and my just my knowledge so being connected to nature and and then expanding my knowledge by reading I do a lot of research, and as much as I want to criticize the Internet and all that, it's been brilliant to be able to find so much information. You know, sacred texts are already available online, and then people who teach share spiritual wisdom. That's been really, you know, very beneficial for my learning. And then using plant medicines, so entheogens to expand my consciousness. And, yeah, they're the main way. that I've got to where I am in my understanding. Interesting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:40

Do you feel like this kind of helps you? process the trauma that you'd experienced as well like the spirituality or do you feel like you kind of also had to go through other forms of like therapy to process that

SPEAKER_00 51:53

yeah that I've used lots of different modalities I've done lots of the main the main thing that's helped me is being in nature what however it works nature will heals it is like balm for my heart I know that if I and I think it's the beauty of I think appreciating beauty has helped me heal. So instead of getting up every day and looking at a cityscape or whatever, I'm looking at ocean and trees. So I'm reminded of beauty, and that's helped the most

SPEAKER_02 52:29

of

SPEAKER_00 52:30

all the techniques that I've used. But I've done breath work, and I've done rebirthing. I've screamed my guts out for months on end, especially after my husband died. Like I've done dream work and journaling and I have been to see other spiritual teachers. So there's been a few, you know, there are a few different modalities that I've used. But one of the things that I'm writing about are all the different medicines that are available to us in nature and in our body and in our divine nature that can help us heal and expand consciousness. And there are hundreds of those. You know, we can... you can use your voice you can dance you can um you know make food and share it with other people that sounds like a very simple medicine but it's really you know being of service to other people helping other people that helps to heal so i do i actually bake a lot of cakes and give them to people it really helps it sounds so simple but there are a lot of simple medicines that are safe and effective that can that can help us are your are your kids following this as well? Well, they're on their own journeys. It's been excruciatingly painful, my whole journey with my children. I hope they are. I think that at this point in our relationships it's about them finding their own independence

SPEAKER_01 54:00

and

SPEAKER_00 54:00

so I don't really know exactly what they're doing. But you know for sure

SPEAKER_02 54:07

that they're not still a part of the cult, like they also got out of

SPEAKER_00 54:11

Well, they're out of the cult, but my youngest daughter, her father's the cult leader. Right. So I don't know how out of it she is, and he's very manipulative, and so I don't know that she's able to escape his clutches.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

Right, right. Isabella, final plug-ins. I want to know about your book. The floor is yours.

SPEAKER_00 54:38

So the book that will be published soon is called New Human of New Earth and it's basically a remembrance of how to be human because most people are now living life through screens and devices rather than being relating to life through our senses, our extrasensory perceptions and our intuition So people are disconnected from nature, disconnected from themselves, disconnected with each other, even though they say, oh, the internet creates connectivity. There's an epidemic of loneliness. So many people are just because we're spiritual beings, but we also have this animal body that has its needs and so needs to be connected to nature, needs to be connected to other people, needs to feel community. And so the new human, new earth, I go through the what I understand is happening in the bigger picture. So this is the cage. This is the cult. And these are the ways out. And then these are the medicines that we can use in order to support ourselves to be as powerful as possible because we do need to be powerful because those who are enslaving humanity are pure evil and they do know humans better than humans understand themselves They understand our psychology and our reactions. And so to be aware of what's going on so that we can take action

SPEAKER_01 56:15

and not

SPEAKER_00 56:15

participate in our own enslavement. So I talk about AI and how it's insidious because it's all so addictive and so pernicious and really does mess with people's minds so that you can think. We get ideas. It limits your

SPEAKER_02 56:33

thinking, your creativity

SPEAKER_00 56:34

in a sense. It does. It limits our perception. So we can't really understand the bigger picture and we can't access our own innate intelligence or be connected to the divine if we're living life through the screens. It's all well and good to get knowledge, but knowledge is not wisdom. And we know as spiritual beings, we don't evolve through these technologies. We can get more knowledge, but that doesn't evolve our soul. We actually need to be at doing things, helping other people or participating in a in community participating in society doing spiritual practices you know meditating you know whatever it is but not that doesn't happen through staring at a screen so that these technologies have been introduced to keep us controlled to keep our perception limited to keep our focus on this because you know energy goes in flows where attention goes right so if our focus is here and not out doing something to improve, change, uplift others or our own lives, then basically they're galvanizing us so that we stay like enslaved and we stay disempowered and sick, really, because this isn't healthy. As human beings, we need to be outside in nature, getting sunlight, getting fresh air, looking at green plants, touching trees, gardening, growing food. We need that. We're not designed to be sitting inside a disempowering to be sitting inside just being still staring at a screen so I talk about that and just all the like we've got so many technologies in our body that most people don't even know about like I said we've got our voice and we've got the way we can move but there are these processes in our bodies that happen and that's what I write about I

SPEAKER_02 58:24

love that Isabella thank you so much for you know being on Multispective and sharing your journey and being really vulnerable on air with us I think there's a lot that we can take away from this, especially the message in the last segment of our conversation. And I'll definitely put the links there as well at the bottom for our listeners to click into as well. Yeah. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 58:46

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

If you enjoyed the episode and would like to help support the show, please follow and subscribe. You can rate and review your feedback on any of our platforms listed in the description. I'd like to recognize our guests who are vulnerable and open to share their life experiences with us. Thank you for showing us we are human. Also, a thank you to our team who worked so hard behind the scenes to make it happen.

SPEAKER_01 59:12

The

SPEAKER_02 59:15

show would be nothing without you. I'm Jenica, host and writer of the show, and you're listening to Multispective.