082 My Moms Alcoholic Addiction Changed Me

In this moving episode, Megan shares how her mother's alcohol addiction and eventual death profoundly impacted her life. This is a powerful story of turning deep pain into purpose. Megan bravely opens up about the heavy grief and the transformative journey that led her to become a successful bodybuilder and fitness/ mental health company owner.

Megan transformed her sorrow into strength, building an empire from heartbreak. She shares candidly about the challenges of growing up with an alcoholic parent, the difficult healing process, and how she found an empowering path through fitness.

Find her work on www.everybodysfitoceanside.com and www.mindfulbodys.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

I've never gotten anything less than an A in a class. She wasn't able to make my high school graduation. She would go away for 30 to 90 days and then return. You know, only 10% of the population actually seeks treatment. You have to treat the mental health component of it, not just the addiction. You have to address the underlying reasons. My grandmother must have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to help her, right? Not everyone has that. If you know that your coworker is in recovery, why would the work function be at a bar? If you continue to live life and not forgive people, it's going to carry with you into everything else.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Dr. Megan, how are you? Welcome to Multispective. I'm super excited to have you here. I'm doing well. Thanks for having me. Yeah. So I'd be curious a little bit if you could just start from the very beginning. Like, where does your story begin? Like, who is Dr. Megan?

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Sure. So I am born and raised in Oceanside, California. I still live here today. My life began with mostly sports, right? Always athletic. And I played basketball in college, got a Fulbright scholarship, and then came back and both my parents were teachers. So education has always been something really big component of my life. So I got my master's in physical education and health. And then after that, I got my doctorate in health and human performance. That's kind of where a lot of like the foundation of what I do now began. And that is a passion business that I own because when I was 20, unfortunately, I lost my mother to alcoholism and the disease just, it took her life and I was the one that found her. So it was a traumatic event that, you know, I made the best of and has transpired me into now helping others, not just the fitness realm, but also in the substance abuse and mental health

SPEAKER_00 2:38

realm. Wow. It's really interesting. I just want to go back to like, you know, you mentioned that you were raised an athlete, right? Can you talk to me a little bit about like the role that sports played in your life? How did it develop your mindset towards like just life in general?

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Sure. So my dad is actually the winningest basketball coach in California high school history. So basketball was always like a key component of my life, but I did play, I mean, soccer, softball, just constantly active. Like after school, it was right to a practice or right to a game and then not get home till seven or eight, even later at night. And then having the discipline of having to get all your homework done too. And because my parents were teachers, you know, school was so important. And to this day, like Like, I've never gotten anything less than an A in a class. Just very focused. And the lessons that I was taught is that you always have to show up. You don't miss a practice. You don't miss a game. You don't miss an assignment. So, I mean, sports alone teach you a lot about... you know, teamwork, you know, being a leader, problem solving, communication, being able to encourage and help others, the value of practicing as something you want to be good at, and also what it feels like to win and also what it feels like to lose and to be resilient for many of those.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Right. I love that. And what about in terms of control? How would you say that you are when it

SPEAKER_03 4:08

A little bit before COVID, I really came into kind of Christianity and the serenity prayer because I've always, you know, had a little anxiety in my life and what I can't as a perfectionist, right? So my mom was a world champion baton twirler. So I, although I have like the addictive traits and qualities, right, I've, you know, transformed them into something positive, but it also has a perfectionist, you know, avenue about it. So when I go Oh, yeah. Yeah. I

SPEAKER_00 5:11

just find it fascinating because on the one hand, you had very, very high achieving parents who not only did really well in their lives, but also expected so much from you. And on the other hand, you had a mother who was battling alcohol. So how did like discipline and your kind of mindset of being an athlete and all the discipline that came with that blend together with, you know, knowing what was happening at home with your mom?

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Sure. So the simple answer would be that I hid in basketball in school. right ignoring or pretending that something didn't exist that if you're always gone at a practice or at a game or if you're always in your bedroom doing your homework it's it's a way of ignoring it pretending that you know what's going on inside the house is is you know and that nobody knows about it because I hid in basketball and school and sports I was also very naive to it for the longest time I truly believe that like my dad would always say oh she just has another sinus infection and I mean I didn't really know what alcohol does to someone she hit it for a long time you know like something like she would make dinner and then go upstairs and not eat with us well you know it just kind of seemed like she just wanted some alone time or something like that and she would come back down and eat later just little things like that I never I never went to parties and I didn't do you know the whole like boys and social thing too much. So I didn't even know what alcoholism was. And when her life, you know, as you said, kind of like started falling apart, like she was no longer able to uphold having a job, that she had some DUIs and then understanding that she couldn't drive anymore and things like that. That's when it all kind of started to, okay, this is a reality and I'm kind of now part of it, right? Now I'm going to have to take her to meetings now. I mean, she was like a skeleton of herself. And as much as I

SPEAKER_02 7:14

was

SPEAKER_03 7:14

Mm-hmm. You know, for a period of time. You know, how could you miss something like that? And so I was just like mad. But then at the same time, your expectations of that person lower, you know, like it's kind of like normal that she wouldn't be able to come. And it's a lot of, you know, my my ticket to kind of get away from all that was going to be from school and sports. So I chose to go to a college out of state in Colorado as much as I wanted to stay. in like the San Diego area and be able to like have my dad come watch me play it was also better for me to leave at that time because it was kind of at the height of her struggles you know in today's in my today's world like I didn't exactly get to have any sense of closure I have you know guilt for the way that I was towards her so as much as I want to say that I was mad at her and even hated her at that time. I also received all of her great traits, right? Like she was a world champion, baton twirler, which they don't even have a ton anymore, but now I'm a world champion bodybuilder, natural bodybuilder. You know, she, um, was very smart and intelligent and now I've written books and, um, I own businesses, you know, she ran a household and, um, was able to get, you know, three kids through one through law school. you know, one to open, my sister owns a dance studio in LA. So she was generous and kind and always wanted to help other people. And so I got that from her

SPEAKER_00 9:43

too. You mentioned earlier, guilt is something that you, you kind of battle with quite a lot. Can you talk to me a little bit about that? Sure. So

SPEAKER_03 9:52

guilt is like a complicated emotion because it's, Right? It's reactive. So there's nothing you can do about what took place. All I can do now is say the serenity prayer, and then there's always forgiveness. So at this point of my life, if you continue to live life and not forgive people... You know, it's going to carry with you into everything else. It's going to somehow expose itself. And so we have to, you know, forgiveness. They say forgive and forget. Forgetting is the hard part. For me, forgiving is not necessarily understanding 100% forgiveness. But 100% understanding that, like, I can't control it or do anything about it now. Right. But we all we live and learn, right, as they say, and mistakes are opportunities for growth. And so now moving forward when I'm surrounded or part of someone's life who has a struggle like that, I understand that I can't control any of their behaviors, that it has to come from them internally, that I have to almost be accepting of the fact that they are in control of their actions and I'm in control of mine and I can choose to be part of their life. But that it's a disease. And there's always some underlying mental health condition that's transpiring this to happen. So I've learned a lot about maybe compassion and maybe empathy, too. I would say that

SPEAKER_02 12:11

I

SPEAKER_03 12:54

have kind of a more like... Yeah, I think that like, that's

SPEAKER_00 13:08

a really good way to put it. And I kind of want to go back to what you said earlier as well about how like, you know, we can't really control. I did an episode with someone who struggled with alcohol and drugs. And they mentioned that their own mother had to actually like kick them out of the house at one point. And they had to experience almost being homeless. And every time his mom would open the doors and let him back in, she was in her own house. way kind of enabling him to steal. He would steal things and sell things and then like make money from that to buy drugs. You know, for him, he had to hit that rock bottom. That rock bottom was the thing that was really important for him to be able to realize, okay, this is like enough is enough, you know, and I have to turn my life around. And of course, it's very different for different people because some people may not get to that point of hitting rock bottom, you know, and for some people, they just don't make it, right? And so I think it's really... important that message that you're saying here as well is that like yeah no one really can sit here and tell you what's the right way or the wrong way to deal with it because for some people it works and for some people it doesn't. It sounds like you and your dad did do quite a lot in terms of sending her to rehabilitation centers and trying to help her through it like she needed to find that kind of reason for herself.

SPEAKER_03 14:20

Going back to the guilt part is that when she would go to rehabilitation and then come back and, you know, it'd be like a stellar two weeks of, you know, abstinence from alcohol. But, Yeah. Yeah. And then she'd fall back into masking it and self-medicating with alcohol. So that's where guilt comes in a lot. And, you know, rock bottom... Everyone has it. There's no one size fits all. It's an individual experience when it comes to recovery and addiction. But rock bottom, I mean, some people can tolerate like the worst of the worst. And then, I mean, the substance or the alcohol is so powerful that they succumb to it. So it really doesn't matter. I mean, the ultimate consequence is death, right? But some people can even get as close to an almost and almost get there and still it's not enough

SPEAKER_00 15:52

there was no one way about it I mean different people have totally different experiences and I do find it really fascinating that you mentioned earlier though like you know your mom was a baton twirler so I'm sure she was super disciplined in her own way in order for her to be a champion in this area the amount of work that she must have had to put in being in the sports field and I can see that that's been passed down to you and and your siblings as well and just the way that you run your life today but at the same time that your mom Mom had turned to alcohol. So addiction was a thing. What was that? What was that turning point for her? Was there a specific thing that caused it? Or was it just a slow progress?

SPEAKER_03 16:28

Well, I think a lot of it had to do with she was an only child. And then my grandfather passed away. So her dad, that was a big component of it. And he had he was an alcoholic to functioning, though. And then just some things that like I have recently learned of in the past five to 10 years of just you know some personal circumstances in her relationships that um You know, there's things that she had a lot of broken trust in a lot of different areas in her life. And yet, because she was a perfectionist and disciplined, she didn't want that image to be tainted. And so, although she had no control over being able to fix things or make things, you know, not... not exist that do, it was a way for her to cope and to not feel and to not think about those things. She had some... really great friendships that she confided a lot of things that were going on in her life, but she didn't really want anyone to know about that. And so whether she was even hiding that image when she was in rehab and things like that from, you know, really being able to process, she was holding on to a lot and medicating to not have to think and not have to deal with a lot of internal aspects that she could have maybe changed the environment that she was in and maybe left it but she chose to stay so That's how she dealt with it.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

How did your family sort of like deal with the grief when your mom

SPEAKER_03 18:11

passed? Each of us had like a different relationship with her. So I was in her everyday life where my brother and sister were already... My sister was married and my brother was in New York going to law school. So they were somewhat removed from seeing it and living part of it. So to them... Her passing was more of a shock, where for my dad and myself, it was like... this is where it was going to end up. So that would obviously affect grief, right? In knowing like that this day was coming versus like, what was, you know, how could this take place? And then my dad, he took a leave of absence from teaching and then eventually retired early. And yeah, You know, my brother and sister just continued to start their families and carry on. And I know that they're very saddened and affected by the fact that she's not here to be a grandma to their kids because she would have spoiled her grandchildren, like, to the nines. Like, Christmas at our house was like, there was a Christmas tree and then there was, you know, 15 feet worth of presents extending down the room. I think all of us have, like, different holes that we wish she was here that she could fill you know and I was a lot I was young and they were older so but it's your mom like no one can ever replace your mom And as sick as she was, I'd take her back in a heartbeat. I would take her back in a heartbeat. All the drama, all the trips to the emergency room, I would do it. But I wasn't mature enough and I wasn't educated enough as to what was going on with her to know. And maybe if I were older, I could have maybe found a different avenue for her to seek treatment. I think that for her, like how my addiction treatment center is, I think she would have done better with an outpatient treatment center where she went for like three or six hours a day, because for her, as I mentioned before, like she would go way further you know 30 to 90 days and then return and then it's like once you now return and sit where you were when the problem existed I mean how do you cope and I think she would have done better with like going somewhere for three to six hours a day and incorporating it to still be able to you know be a mom and be not totally separating herself I'll never know but it's something that I think about

SPEAKER_00 21:07

that's actually a really good point do you feel like um Do you feel like it's important that, you know, all these rehabilitation centers offer inpatient followed by outpatient before letting the patient go? Do you feel like that would be more successful for a lot of people? Maybe like start off with inpatient for those that are very, very severely addicted and that they really need to be weaned off it and monitored 24-7. But after they've kind of gone through that initial withdrawal phase to then go through an outpatient option so that they have that ability to integrate their Like, you know, their lives with it, like learn how to live in the real world with it. Or do you feel like there is a reason why there are inpatient only centers versus outpatient only centers?

SPEAKER_03 21:55

So a lot of it does, you know, obviously it's the case by case basis, but it depends on the severity of the individuals using. There's also a lot that goes into being able to seek treatment, your resources and what you have. So a person might need to actually go to detox before they can even enter a facility inpatient or outpatient. Like for us, you can't have been using for a certain amount of time before we can accept you. You cannot actively be using, right? So there's that. And then there's the whole component of insurance. Do you have insurance? If you don't have insurance or maybe you have to find places that have Medi-Cal, paying out of pocket is just not an option. Or we might have someone who wants to become a patient and yes, we accept their insurance, but their deductible is so high and they can't even afford to pay the deductible. So they're turned away, you know, because then they don't have the money to pay out of pocket. And also, if you like are going to do an inpatient, that's obviously much more expensive. And then if you decided to have a sober living, you still have to come up with the money to pay rent. So there's a lot that goes into it versus like, you know, my grandmother must have spent. hundreds of thousands of dollars to help her, right? Not everyone has that. So there's a lot that has to go into it. And that's another reason why a lot of addicts remain addicts. And then usually it doesn't work the first time. So then it's like revisiting your resources again. And that is why many addicts, they run through relationships because they, they just, they, they will dry some, you know, take some, dry all the resources that they have out and use everyone they can in their selfishness, um, because of the disease. So a lot of people end up with their pockets empty and trying to help someone.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Yeah, that's really sad. I can imagine otherwise, you know, why for certain individuals, they just keep finding themselves back in that cycle because it's a whole combination of things. It's one, easy access to it. Two, it's, you know, that next hit, which is so much bigger than, you know, your own self-discipline. And then, you know, coupled with whatever emotional trauma that you're having to unravel, which, you know, you haven't been give in therapy or anything this is your kind of medicine in a sense so it's just it almost feels like all the forces out against you and then these institutions being really expensive like really expensive as well so it's kind of like then where where does it really end like so what what kind of method then do you feel like is the most effective then in helping someone rehabilitate from this what are some of the success stories

SPEAKER_03 24:53

uh well you know obviously everything is confidential and anonymous but most people do well. And this is just saying a generalized approach. It's a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy. So that might be, you know, you're meeting with a therapist and it's all about dual diagnosis. So you have to treat the mental health component of it, not just the addiction. You have to address the underlying reasons, the causes. Otherwise, you know, just having someone not drink for or not use for a period of time is a great accomplishment. But like with my mom, things are going to resurface. That can help you stop drinking and that also, you know, something like methadone can be in use. And there's all sorts of different newer avenues like ketamine and different things like that that I'm not as educated about because we don't offer that, but people do go down that realm as well. There's EMDR therapy. And then there's the component of group support. So that could be AA, that could be NA. And some people have Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. you know, that have many benefits, you know, using exercise as a tool, finding a hobby to replace the time spent that you once were using. There's a lot of different ways to go about it. And then another resource for people is also, you know, their church can help them too. Sometimes those ties do have resources available. Different places even have scholarships. Nonprofits can, you know, help with someone to be able to afford and get into a treatment Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's again, it's there's just no answer for each person. And you never know what they've been through and kind of what led them to this problem in their life. We all know someone that is, you know, that has struggled with addiction. And we've all witnessed and been a part, be it in a friendship or relationship or co-worker. We see it and we see their lives affected by it in a negative way. And I think it's important, too, that when you are trying to be encouraging of someone, you know, that you can be helpful in the ways of doing things that don't involve environments or activities that could be triggers. You know, like if you know that your coworker is in, you know, recovery, why would you ask them or why would the work function be at a bar? You know, it's being helpful. Right. Yeah. Yeah. asking someone if they just want to come over and hang out. That's okay too. We don't have to live in a world of so many distractions. Just being in the presence of someone else's

SPEAKER_00 30:28

is

SPEAKER_03 30:28

really nice.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

I like that. Can you walk me through your journey of bodybuilding? Like what got you into this and how did that sort of progress for you?

SPEAKER_03 30:36

When I started my fitness studio, a lot of my clients would say, how come you never do any bodybuilding or anything like that? You're so fit. And you know, I just, it never really crossed my mind. And I always had the visualization of like Arnold sportsnager and the big beefed out everywhere you know and i was aware too from working in the corporate fitness side of things and co-workers and so forth that you know they're using performance enhancing drugs so i was like it's not really something that i want to teeter with because i struggle with um once i start something i'm gonna take it and run with it so anyhow my co-worker said um you know, have you ever heard of natural bodybuilding? And I was like, no, what's that? And he was like, basically, you work hard, you eat right, and they drug test you, and you should try a show, and I'll help you. And I thought, okay, well, I don't know, I guess. But it was in December that we had that conversation, and the first local show was in March. And so I kind of did the whole like, okay, New Year's resolution. And I signed up for it. It was in March. By my second show, I won my professional status. And so I just kind of like fell into it. After that, I got asked to be on Team USA and I went to Italy and it's taken me all over the world, Australia, New Zealand, South Korea, France. I'm going to go to Bali in June. I never really thought that I would be a part of, but because I played basketball and I've always been athletic, it really helps fulfill that competitive side of being an athlete. You know, I never thought that I would like in a bikini on a stage when I was like a basketball chick with shorts down to my knees and high knee socks, you know, everything, you know, but, uh, you know, it gives me a goal as well. Something to work towards because my life is exercise. I could certainly just go through the motions every day, but if I want results and if I want to continue self-improvement, then I need something to work towards. Right. And so that's what bodybuilding fulfills

SPEAKER_02 32:33

for me.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

Um, I also just really enjoy it. And I got this from my mom. Like I'm a very, um, kind of, um, I love shopping. I love clothes. I love thrifting. So like everything I do, like my accessories, all this kind of stuff, I love putting all of that together and my outfits for a show too. I like that creativity. I like being on stage. I like being on camera. I like performing. And also, you know, like for the people that follow me and that I help, I practice what I preach. I model the behavior that I don't have any expectation of anyone to do what I'm doing, right? But I think that it helps when someone walks in my studio and sees all of my trophies and awards that, you know, I'm working hard and I have a fitness goal as well. And so I can relate to others when it comes to like, you know, eating healthy and exercising when you really don't want to, the discipline and that it's a journey, it's not going to happen overnight, all of that. So sticking with something, being committed. So all of those things help me to help other people as well.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

I love that. You've got to really sculpt your entire body, which means every single muscle has to be worked out to a certain, you know, to be able to achieve a certain look. Your body fat content is being measured, like what you eat, your input, your output, like the amount of exercise and the specific isolated muscle that you're working out to make it this perfectly sculpted kind of shape. Walk me through, like, how is that for you?

SPEAKER_03 34:04

I was supposed to eat like 30 minutes ago, so I'm starting to fade out and that's normal because I'm three weeks away from a show. I start Wow. Wow. Wow. in may i'm gonna compete in los angeles and then two weeks later go to bali and represent the united states so it's like i have a very strong why but it's really it it's a lot of repetition of doing the same boring things over and over again um that can be from my choreography to the weights that i do and it's increasing you know the load over time which gets harder and harder right as the as the diet gets stricter and stricter but it's a process and you You know, I have a coach that helps me because I'm a coach's daughter. I like to have that accountability, which also helps me relate to my clients and the fact that, like, I'm not going to go do it by myself. I'm human. I'm like, I'm not going to wake up early or stay up late and do it. So I don't like exercising by myself. And that's, you know, it could just be like that someone's literally just sitting in the room, but I won't go do it by myself. So

SPEAKER_00 35:35

interesting. What's your diet like? Is it mostly carnivorous? Is it just like meat?

UNKNOWN 35:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

It's just protein.

SPEAKER_03 35:44

It's protein, vegetables, asparagus, maybe sweet potatoes. So it's not so much like a calorie count, but it is low for how much exercise that I'm doing. But it kind of changes based on what I see in the mirror. And it's not necessarily about achieving a certain weight or body fat percentage, but more the shape and symmetry of my upper and lower body.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Right. That

SPEAKER_03 36:09

makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

I know we always talk about addiction in a very dark manner, right? Like addiction. to drugs and addiction to alcohol and whatever not. But for someone who's an athlete, do you kind of feel like you have to be slightly addicted or obsessed with, you know, working out in order to be a successful athlete?

SPEAKER_03 36:28

I think in some ways, yes. You, I mean, you have to be passionate about what you're doing. Passion and obsession can be interchangeable, right? But I think that for me, it really is like it's an everyday constant. It's a priority. But at the same time as an adult right we have responsibilities and things that we have to do so as disciplined as I am there are times when it's like if I didn't get to do it now then yeah I have to stay up later and do it so I am very driven in that way and obsessed in that way like I'm not going to just not do it because someone walked in and you know I understand that making the sale is a lot more important than you know whether I did three sets of something then I'm going to have to get to that later and that can get really stressful right when you're trying to balance That's really, really

SPEAKER_00 37:25

impressive. Dr. Megan, final thoughts. Share with us your social media platform and a little message that you would like to impart to

SPEAKER_03 37:35

our listeners today before we end the episode. of me of myself clients doing a daily exercise I kind of give like a fit life chat every morning I've got stuff on there like just my life too like with my wonderful husband and I make pug videos every day with fitness I have my cell phone app fit pace that I created which is in the google play store I've got my books that I've written on amazon if you look up my author account Megan Johnson McCullough and then there's all of this is like all found on my website everybody's fit oceanside.com So like you could find all of that information, One Stop Shop on my website.

SPEAKER_00 38:32

Thank you so much for being on this podcast and sharing your journey with us. You know, the hard but also the super successful side of everything and like the way that you've sort of turned adversity into something so powerful.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

Thank you for letting me share my story and I hope that it can help someone else out there. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

If you enjoyed the episode and would like to help support the show, please follow and subscribe. You can rate and review your feedback on any of our platforms listed in the description. I'd like to recognize our guests who are vulnerable and open to share their life experiences with us. Thank you for showing us we're human. Also, a thank you to our team who worked so hard behind the scenes to make it happen. The show would be nothing without you. I'm Jenica, host and writer of the show, and you're listening to... Multispective.