094 I was raised neglected and unseen

What if the most dangerous story you carry is the quiet one—“life just is this way”? Timothy grew up in a home without hugs or hard talks, where silence felt normal and safety meant familiarity. That quiet shaped anxious attachment, constant tomorrow-thinking, and a belief that mistakes defined him. When the weight finally became unlivable, he drove to a hospital seeking a lifeline and found a doorway into skills, community, and a different way to experience the world.

We trace the journey from rock-bottom despair to a five-week program centered on dialectical behavior therapy, mindfulness, and group work. Timothy learned how neuroplasticity makes change possible, how to separate thoughts from identity, and how to ride a wave of emotion without drowning in it. The breakthrough wasn’t a single moment but a practice: acknowledging trauma that looked like neglect rather than violence, naming an abandonment wound, and replacing black-and-white thinking with skills for distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. In the process, he found his voice—first for himself, then to advocate for someone too anxious to speak—and discovered the power of peer support, creativity, and steady boundaries.

Today he protects a small circle with clear lines, channels his message through design and podcasting, and frames healing as a DIY project: borrow what works, test it in your life, and keep going. The closing challenge is simple and radical: define happiness for yourself, then follow it with diligence. If depression feels like old jeans—predictable, worn, safe—this conversation offers a different fit: skills you can practice, language for what hurt, and a reminder that mistakes refine more than they define. Listen, reflect, and share it with someone who needs the nudge to pick up the pen and write a better page.

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Transcript

Living Unaware And Unworthy

SPEAKER_03 0:04

Life kind of sucked, and these were the cards I was dealt and I I just have to deal with it. It was always, I'm not good enough. Is this person going to leave me? So it was always it was questioning. It was never staying in that present moment. It was always worrying about tomorrow. So how can I be myself today if I'm thinking about tomorrow? I didn't think life was worth living. I didn't think that I could. It basically came down to me on the bathroom floor with two choices of do I end my life or do I get back up and do something about it? You can change the way you think and the way you see things. If you make a mistake, it's not the end of the world. Mistakes are just mistakes. They don't define who you are. I would say like the there's there's probably two parts. There's the the part before my crisis, and then there's the part after my crisis. Maybe 2018 is when everything kind of came to a halt. I smashed through rock bottom. Like there was no bottom. It was just like it kept going and going and going. And it seemed like there was no end. It was a culmination of things. So you have so many variables in life, and then you know, you had a crazy hectic work schedule, kids, partner, friendships, family relationships. And if none of them seemed to be working out, you just begin to question things. And unfortunately, I never learned or had some of the skills needed to, I guess, have a have a more healthy mindset. So it it basically came down to me on the bathroom floor with two choices of do I end my life or do I get back up and do something about it. Thankfully, I guess something inside of me just said um get back up and and and do something about it. I didn't know what that something was at that time. And I didn't, again, I didn't even know that there were skills out there to help. There was ways to mold your mind and steps to take to healing and growth. I remember when I was when I found my therapist um and we really were like digging in, and she had said to me, you know, it sounds like you have some sort of trauma the way that you are reacting, the way you're talking. Um, there seems to be some underlying trauma. And I'm like, no, like I didn't, like I wasn't hit, um, I wasn't in some crazy war or anything like that. There's nothing big and extravagant, you know. But again, now that I know there's little t's, big T's, trauma's trauma, whether we perceive it that way or not. So now go back and and we just didn't talk in my household. Um, my parents didn't sleep in the same bed. Um, nobody asked questions, and I think for me, I was always curious. So a part of me didn't ask, so I sort of made up stories in my own head. Um, but then there was nobody to kind of bounce these ideas off of, if that makes any sense. Um but we didn't and it it again, it wasn't necessarily uh a negative experience. It was just there was nothing there. It was again, there was no hugging, um, no, no deep talks, no kissing, um none of that stuff, you know. Um I remember certain holidays that were kind of treated as a normal day. And it was for me, it was it was fine. I didn't really know any different, you know. It's that it's that purple elephant in the room, you know. You grow up with a purple elephant in your room, and a friend come over one day and says, Well, what the heck is that? Like that that's weird. That's a you got a purple elephant. You're like, what do you mean? Like, that's normal, right? And you don't know any different. Um, and then again, you don't see it as a big deal. So when you grow up and then you realize some of these things start happening, um, and it could be a result of that, but in your head, you're like, well, it's not really a big deal. Like I said, uh, my parents didn't beat me. I was never like verbally assaulted or locked in a closet. It's just um, but again, trauma is trauma. You you know, everyone experiences things different. It's all individualistic. So if you're dismissed, if you're ignored, if you're kind of pushed to the side, or um, you know, if you're just not given the nurturing that an individual needs, you know, that can develop into some unhealthy patterns and come out as symptoms one day.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, whoever said that trauma has to look a certain way. You know, psychologists or therapists conducting studies, they're looking for very extreme cases like war veterans or survivors of sexual abuse, but neglect and complete and absolute dismissal as a child can play such a massive role in just the way that you see the world and the way that you see yourself. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Perfectly said. That's exactly it. The way you see the world and the way you see yourself.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Yeah, yeah. And do you have any recollections of any kind of like collective sort of family unit moments, like a a dinner that you all sat at together or or um an event that you kind of all went to together as a family?

SPEAKER_03 5:45

Not many, but my I remember when uh my grandmother was still alive. It was always she kind of I guess held that piece together. Um, you know, and being that old school kind of mindset, you know, with family, she had everybody at her house and and they did a it was a big deal. There was always a dinner, um, tons of food and and the rest of the family. So it was, you know, I guess major holidays, maybe Christmas time, stuff like that. It was um it wasn't often, but I those are the ones that I remember, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

Yeah. What stands out to you in those memories?

SPEAKER_03 6:23

I guess a uh a connectedness. Even though see, it was it it's weird because the way I see things, I see it as a connectedness, but then at the same time, it was hard for me to understand that one day it was like cool, like this worked, but then 364 days out of the year, no one talked after that. So it was a hard, it was it was cool and it was something to hold on to, but at the same time, I think it may have added to some of the confusion as well, if that makes any sense.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Do you know what was your relationship between your mom and your dad? Were they were they already sort of estranged in a sense by the time you were born?

Safety, Validation, And Understanding

SPEAKER_03 7:07

I that's a great question, and I don't know the answer to that. Um unfortunately my mom passed away. Um and and we still even though um even though I've done some work and am growing and moving forward, it's really hard to kind of describe. But anytime like I would get around my dad or my brother or family, like we're good, but to to have a talk like that is it's never happened. And even now, like I said, doing some work, I I just still get this something in my throat, and it's like literally I can't talk, like I the questions don't come out. So um, I don't know. I tried not to beat myself up too much over it, and I just allow it to be what it is. Um, I think at this stage of my life I'm working more on acceptance than anything else. You know, I don't have to if there's resistance, I don't have to fight it, I don't have to fix it, I just have to accept it for what it is.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Can you talk to me about the concept of safety? What is safety to you?

SPEAKER_03 8:13

Um that's a big one. Safety to me is familiar. Um and it depends also. Sometimes safety is quiet and sometimes safety is loud. Um, but I think at the end of the day, safety is consistent, familiar, um, and an understanding. It's not it's not the dismissal of well that that shouldn't happen, or oh, you're crazy for thinking that way. It's allowing somebody to to the space to think that way. And you don't have to question it, but you know, if someone were to say, well, geez, why why do you think that way, or what makes you feel that way? That that safety.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Right. So it doesn't necessarily have to be in agreement with you per se, but sort of just validating and accepting that you have your point of view and that's totally okay.

From Unawareness To Noticing Other Families

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Yeah, not even not yeah, not even validation, but more acknowledgement, I guess. You know, like I said, you don't have to agree. No one's gonna agree all the time. That's just not how things are, you know. Um, but I think those moments where you don't agree and you can talk through it, on the other side of that is not only more resilience, but it's a more powerful love. Like I said, once you start to understand things a little bit better, that's where the empathy and the compassion, that's where they're like built. You know, if you're in a kitchen and you're, you know, cooking up a big pot of compassion and empathy, like that's the start of it right there, is understanding. Um, without the understanding, it it's just, you know, we think we know and then we judge and we don't understand what that person went through or what is going what they are going through currently.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Did you feel as a young child? I'm gonna go back to safety. Did you feel safe or unsafe in your childhood?

SPEAKER_03 10:09

You know, as a child, I don't think I felt unsafe. I felt unaware. I don't I don't know if that makes sense, but it was never like an unsafe, it was just that's the way things were. And um again, I think even that followed me, like you said, that kind of changes your perspective and your view on yourself. And it's just that whole unawareness, and this is the way I thought it everything is supposed to be, followed me throughout life. You know, like before thousand eighteen, I just thought that life kind of sucked. And these were the cards I was dealt, and I I just have to deal with it and and push through, you know, it's more of a survival thing than anything else. It wasn't living, it was um, you know, it was going through life unconscious unconsciously, um, in like a zombie-like state and just pushing through, like, well, this is this is just it, you know, my life sucks. All right, well, I guess I'll just try and deal with it the the best I can.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

Because I was unaware.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

At what point did you sort of start to have that awareness that something was not kind of right at home and the situation at home was not a comfortable space to be in?

SPEAKER_03 11:25

Really? I I don't think it was until um like my later teens, to be honest with you. Um I had a friend who lived down the street, and um his his whole situation, the environment was completely different. So it was kind of cool to be to go over to his house and hang out because it was just a it was a different interaction. So I could just sit back and watch and kind of understand like how they do it and see other aspects of family life. Yeah, but I still didn't really connect the dots, I guess I'll say, until later on. I'm not even sure, but it would have to be later in my teens.

School, Being A Ghost, And First Belonging

SPEAKER_02 12:03

Yeah, looking back, do you ever kind of recall really craving, you know, connection, deeper conversations with people? Like, did you sort of seek that out in school and in friends and yeah?

SPEAKER_03 12:17

Um, and in school for me, I ended up because the where I grew up in the school I went to, it was very, very large classrooms. So you're talking 40 plus kids a classroom. Eventually, I think in maybe like part of middle school, I ended up in this program that was more I think they was like at-risk kids. So it was kind of um the the smaller classrooms, it was more one-on-one with teachers. Cause in the I guess I'll call it the mainstream, you would you could get lost. You know what I mean? You got 40 kids and their teachers trying to do their job, teach a lesson, and three other kids have questions. By the time you're, you know, you can get your question in, it's time to go. So again, it was that like, all right, well, I guess this is just the way it is. I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut and do the best I can and keep going. As you see, the pieces kind of fit in in those specific areas.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

As a child, there's probably two places where you're really gonna be consistently in a closed space with a lot of people where you can kind of compare the interactions and the dynamics between people. Like you might be at home and it's a very quiet place and no one's really interacting with each other. But then when you're in a classroom and you see how people are so attentive of each other or you know, making friends and communicating with each other, realizing that there is there is another sort of like side to it that where communication runs rampant.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Again, I didn't have the communication skills um to kind of either spark up a conversation. There was a side of me that was a ghost, and then there was a side of me that was kind of just friends with everybody. You know, it didn't matter the group or what someone associated with or what they thought they were, or whatever. I was kind of just um I was good with everybody, you know. Um, but as a whole, like as a base, I was more of a ghost and just kind of watched and and just took in the environment and tried to understand it, I think. Which I don't know. I don't know if that was a a good thing or what, but that's that's how it went.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

If one of your teachers had to describe you as a child, how would they describe you?

Attachment Wounds And Anxiety Loops

SPEAKER_03 14:34

I would say probably quiet. Um, but once I get comfortable and and open up a bit more, I can be pretty funny and silly and um more open, I guess, just to say. I it's funny because in middle school, so I talked about that class that I was in that was more smaller groups, and one of the teachers that was a part of that, we became real close, and I'm still friends with her to this day. Like I spoke at her retirement party. She was uh a pivotal role too, because you know, to have a teacher, to have an adult go out of their way and pay attention to you, I guess you feel a little bit important. You feel like what you have to say somebody wants to listen to. So she was a uh pivotal role in in that whole process.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

It seems like being being shy and sort of timid, um, and sort of suddenly being in the spotlight, it could be one of two things, right? Where it's just you can't do this, this is overwhelming for you. Or, you know, if that person is able to give you that sense of safety and that, hey, I'm not judging you, I'm just interested in you, that's it. Um, then sort of being in the spotlight can be such a refreshing new experience for you as a child who's kind of always been, you know, sidelined in a sense.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

Perfectly said. Um, I think sideline is a is a great word. And um, I think it's still to this day, there's not a need for me to be in the spotlight. Like I don't have to um shine the light on myself and and make it about me. Because I think part of it is what you said is that safety, comfortable, but I try to push myself because you don't want to stay in that comfortable place too long either. You know, it's it's nice that that comfortable place is there, but um you don't want to get comfortable in the comfortable, I'll say.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

I hear you. That makes total sense, especially because you're so familiar with being in the corner and being a silent observer that it almost becomes like your safety. Like, hey, I can I can go to a party and I can be standing in the corner, and in fact, the less people notice me, the safer I am. Like I don't want to be in the spotlight anymore.

unknown 16:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

The old pair of jeans, the old comfy pair of jeans that that's always there for you. You can always that's how my depression is. It's familiar. So because it's familiar, it's consistent, it's safe for me.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

Predictability.

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

Can you talk to me a little bit about the attachment style that you think you formed over the years because of this?

Driving To The Hospital For Help

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Oof. Or didn't form. Or didn't form. I would there's definitely um there's definitely a base of an abandoned wound. So the abandoned wounds there, and then from that spawned uh I would say more of an anxious attachment. Um what's the newer one now that's like combined? I think it's I think it's like avoidant and anxious in one. It's a little bit a mix of them. Um, but yeah, for sure, that that that was again, as I talked earlier, those things follow you through life and you don't realize it. You know, what worked for you at age eight and ten and twelve don't necessarily work for you at 30, 35, you know? So when these things follow you and then they pop up and you put yourself in certain circumstances or environments, then you're like, whoa, what's going on? So it's a process of unraveling, it's a process of digging. Um, and then while you're digging, you have to kind of collect all these pieces and um, you know, act like an archaeologist, you know, brush them off, like, what is this? Do I need this? And then examine them and see why they're there.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Yeah, yeah, 100%. Can you tell me an example or an instance where attachment style of yours sort of manifested?

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Sure, yeah. Any and I think this was with all interpersonal relationships. It was it was always again that abandoned wound. So that spawned, I'm not good enough. Um, that spawned, is this person going to leave me? So it was always it was questioning, it was never staying in that present moment. It was always worrying about tomorrow, uh, you know, or the future, what's going to happen. So you're you're never in the present moment and you're missing out on what is, and you can't be yourself because you're you're not in the present moment, you're focusing on, you know, uh tomorrow. So how can I be myself today if I'm thinking about tomorrow? You know, so it was it was always I think it brought on it's funny because it brings on more anxiety for me, because you don't know. And if you don't have the communication skills, if you don't have the self-worth, the self-love enough to to ask questions, you know, and feel confident about those questions, you know, it's so all this stuff is in at its core, what it is, but then if you again, if you have an attachment wound, uh self love deficit, any of those things are going to bring that level down. And it they're just it's there's just more hurdles in the long run, you know. Um, some of us have to get over more hurdles to to get to that place.

DBT, Neuroplasticity, And New Skills

SPEAKER_02 20:03

Tell me about what happened that that one night that sort of like changed it all for you.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

So I ended up driving myself to a local hospital. And from that hospital, they were kind of like so it kind of got worse before it got better because they were like, Well, geez, you shouldn't have come here. Like, this is a hospital, like you need something, you know. So, um, thankfully there was a nurse or somebody there that questioned it more and sat with me and and found out that I had a therapist. Um, she actually ended up calling I gave her the number for the therapist so that they had talked.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Um What was the reason that made you drive to the hospital in the first place?

SPEAKER_03 20:44

I felt unsafe. I felt that it wasn't the fact that I didn't want to live. It was the fact that I didn't think life was worth living. I didn't think that I could um continue life with the pain, with the weight that I was carrying. So it was, I guess you could say a cry for help in a way, you know, it was um I I need to do something about this, and I don't know what what to do. So I thought maybe, maybe uh hospital like medical professionals could uh steer me in the right direction. It was it was not knowing, not being aware enough, not knowing that there's other avenues to take, other people to call. At that time, in my mind, everything was against me, right? Because we're looking through the lens that we create. And if I'm looking at a situation through my lens, it's it's not necessarily the reality of the situation. You know, I thought that if I reached out to some people, they would dismiss me. Um, if I thought that I reached out to somebody, I would I thought that they just didn't care. Why would they care to help me? Or why would they want to take uh an hour out of their day to talk me off a ledge, basically.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

You mentioned that up until that point you were seeking out a therapist. So what was sort of the um perspectives this therapist was offering you that was keeping you going?

Group Work, Advocacy, And Purpose

SPEAKER_03 22:11

So before that incident, it was um a lot of black and white thinking, a lot of um cognitive dissonance, um irrational thoughts, that whole process. Um, but after I went to the hospital, um I went back to the same therapist that I'm talking about now, and I just said, um, I remember saying the words, I'll do anything. I can't live like this. And she knew me enough to where what she was gonna offer me, I would probably say no. And she said, Are you sure you'll do anything? And I said, Yes. There's um a place called Four Winds, and it's like an inpatient, basically, inpatient, outpatient place, and and it's groups. So, you know, you have a group of of 10 people and you have to talk and you have to participate in these things. So she brought that up and and she gave me the number and I called. And I think that that that program actually is what really changed things. It really just um, I would say saved my life in a way.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Um, you learned skills, you learned about uh dialectical behavior therapy, uh DBT, which is it's similar to CBT, the cognitive behavior therapy. Um, but again, you learn these skills. I didn't know there was things you could do to change your mindset. You learn about neuroplasticity and you can change the brain, you can change the way you think and the way you see things. And you realize about your perception. You know, you realize that if you make a mistake, it's not the end of the world. You don't fail. You only fail when you quit and you stop. You didn't get to this point without making mistakes. Mistakes are just mistakes, they don't define who you are, but you also have the choice to allow that mistake to refine yourself. Again, you hold the pen, you hold that pen, and you can create what you want to create.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

Yeah, I love that.

Building Community And Creative Healing

SPEAKER_03 24:08

Yeah. And it was again, I didn't know these things. I think um being confused about what I was thinking. Suicidal ideation is it's getting better, but it's it's not talked about. And we put our judgments on ourselves. You know, I'm I'm bad for thinking this way. You know, I shouldn't be thinking that I want to end my life. And there's there's there's passive and there's active suicidal ideation. And the passive is just thoughts, and the thoughts come and go. And once again, once you start learning that you have thoughts, but you're not your thoughts, you can understand it, and and that thought is like a cloud and it just kind of comes and goes, you know? And and it helps because again, you're having this thought no matter what, but that thought is just a thought. What what happens with that thought is we put whatever onto that thought, whether that thought is bad or if it's good. That thought is just a thought, it's not bad or good. Learning these skills is is priceless. And um I I I think everybody should uh, you know, to dig down and venture into this realm a bit and um just better themselves.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Yeah. It sounds like that you you guys did quite a bit of meditation um over there as well, because a lot of the stuff that you're speaking of right now is very much some of the fundamentals of what meditation is. And it and it and it's all about kind of going back into the present moment of like you know, focusing on the sensations in your body and every thought that comes and goes, kind of allow it to come, don't judge it, let it kind of slowly pass and bring your thought back to your breath and bring your thought back into your body sensations. Slowly and slowly you start to realize that as you have more and more focus and control over your thoughts, and you are able to sort of like tap into the emotion in your body, the sensations in your body, then are you sort of able to then start to ask the questions to help to release it? It's kind of what we c what we call the somatic somatic meditations, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

So can you walk me through sort of like typically what was a day like over here and and what would you be doing from morning to night at at the center?

Boundaries, Small Circles, And Peace

SPEAKER_03 26:27

Um so it was it was kind of set up as like a class, like going to school. You would be given a schedule. It was pretty open, so like maybe the first block of uh say like 9 to 1030, there would be um three different classes going on. You could choose. You know, if you wanted to do an art class, you could do an art class. If you wanted to do talk therapy, you could do talk therapy. Um if you wanted to work on DBT skills, you can work on DBT skills. After that block, you'd have another section of of different classes and two or three to choose from. Um sometimes you would there was mandatory things where you had to go, like these check-ins. Um sometimes you would meet, you would be given a therapist there, um, that would be your therapist for the five weeks or whatever that you're there, and um you'd check in and meet with them. But then you again you'd have you'd have lunch, come back, and again, you'd have more blocks with different classes, whether they were um learning about emotional regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, all these different um skills. And it was just uh it was great. I never knew anything like that existed. I I didn't know that there was these kind of tools out there to help. So it it was great. It was like I said, um, first couple days were tough because I was at such a low point um that it was hard to retain any kind of information um and participate just because um, you know, you you're in this strange environment, strange people. So it's you know, the anxiety's high and you're not sure what to do and how to act.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Were all of the other patients going through something similar? Would you categorize like they'd all had some kind of suicidal thought or depression or or were they all vastly different from each other?

SPEAKER_03 28:24

Um I I feel like maybe the diagnoses were were different, but uh that that common thread of the suicidal ideation or uh suicide attempt, anything like that, uh clinical depression was was definitely on the list for sure.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

I I'm curious as to like how that was for you, because this is probably the first time you might be sitting in a room in this group of people who are talking all about emotions, which is something you just never had growing up.

Final Message: Define Happiness

SPEAKER_03 28:53

How how was that for you? It was it was it was new, like you said, it was new, it was interesting. I think once I was in there for like a couple weeks, I started to kind of understand that in order for it to work, you have to play a role. You have to do the work and you have to be involved. It's one thing to sit on the sideline and watch, but it's another thing to get in the game and start running the plays and throwing the passes and all that stuff. So uh to be honest with you, that five weeks was so huge because it spawned a bunch of different things. In the beginning, I was kind of more reserved and laid back and shy. But towards the end, I started to not only advocate for myself, but advocate for others that were in the group. There was a um one guy, I think he had bipolar, and he rarely spoke. And one day at lunch, I was I would sit with him at lunch and we would talk, and he said that he had an issue that he really wanted to bring up, but he was unsure um about speaking. So literally, like right after lunch, we had a group and he was in it, and I was speaking, and I said, Well, I said, I know that so-and-so has something that he wanted to say too. So, um, and I looked at him, I said, Is that okay? And he was like, Yeah. So I kind of cleared the path a little bit and allowed him that space to to speak. After I got out, I I formed a peer group. It was like a mental health meetup. So I did that for a while and and facilitated groups here and there. Shortly after that, started up a an older podcast um that was more uh more about suicide awareness and stuff like that. Uh shortly after that, I wrote a book. That podcast ended. That's when um I started up the podcast that I co-host now with Karen called Pieces to Wellness. And um, Pieces to Wellness, we talk about all the different pieces to wellness and try to help people stay on more of the wellness side of the spectrum. I look at mental health as a spectrum. One side's illness, one side's wellness. And there's different pieces, right, that we can do. Um, like you had brought up meditation that would be a piece to stay on the wellness side.

Credits And How To Support

SPEAKER_02 31:21

I love how this experience really helped you to step into your powerful self for someone who who struggled to speak their own thoughts to be creative in that process and and help others. It's it's actually like a really huge, huge feat. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

I appreciate that. Uh it's nice to be uh acknowledged that in that way because that's kind of how I the creative side is how I see it, because I'm not the greatest at communicating what I want to communicate, I guess. Um sometimes it's better through um a creative outlet.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:53

You know, I make I make designs for the podcast now, so I can kind of take my words and put them on this little template and you know, put a little design over it and stuff like that. And that's the uh creative side, which again, being creative is another piece to wellness. You know, for me, being creative is allowing myself to be vulnerable in a in a different state. And it's for me, I enjoy it.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Your dad, um, or your brother, or your other family members, have they read your book? Have they heard your podcast? Have they ever spoken to you about all of that?

SPEAKER_03 32:29

Not that's funny, that question comes up a lot. My dad know we have a it's a it's a it's a really different kind of relationship, you know. Nothing um bad to say about him. It's just he's a simple man, and we just don't have those kind of conversations. Um he knows that I wrote a book. Um, I don't think he understands what a podcast is or anything like that. Um my brother knows I wrote a book. I'm pretty sure he did not read it. Um he also knows that I do a podcast, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't listen, which I'm fine with. It's not a bad, it's not a bad thing. It's just it's it that's a different angle. So it's kind of funny. Um and I even I even say I think in the book, um, I I put it out to my brother and my father, and it's just we have a weird relationship, but it's our weird relationship. It's just how we do it. And I I did my part in kind of breaking some walls down, but there's there's there's still more room to go, but there's also, as I spoke of earlier, it's that acceptance piece.

SPEAKER_02 33:37

I find it fascinating how you've like come out of your shell in the sense that you've learned how to express your emotions really eloquently and and to share it on different platforms on a podcast and speaking to strangers, but that barrier still holds. And in a sense, they know what you've gone through, they know how it's impacted you. Everyone knows everyone knows everything in a sense.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

It is funny, like you said, that barrier is still there. And yeah, it's it's I don't know, maybe it's more common that people can um be a little bit more open and free with strangers. I mean, you do a podcast, so it you understand that you know, talking on this and and and doing this side of it is different from sitting down, you know, a lot of moments on here where you talk about all sorts of different things, right? And sometimes you add in your own little perspective on it and your own experience. So um, yeah, it it can be it's easier to do on the podcast for me.

SPEAKER_02 34:35

100%. Um, what what's your relationship now like with um partners, with friends?

SPEAKER_03 34:42

I have a small circle, and we talked about perception and and people judging and stuff like that. People may look at me and think I'm a little bit more on the quiet side or whatever, but they don't know the war that I had to make it through to get to the peace that I walk in now. So again, it's that small circle that helps protect my peace. Yeah, it's boundaries, it's self-love, it's self-awareness. I know who I am, so I don't need validation from any other person. I know that when I speak and I do things, I do them from a good place. They may not come out that way. And and everybody's not gonna see it the way I see it. And I get that. I'm not for everybody, but I'm good with that. And it's not like here I am um avoiding people, but this is my circle. Like it's it's open, but at the same time, I have boundaries in place. So if you come in that circle and your your words don't match your actions, or you come in and you dismiss me and you don't understand, and you don't follow up with questions, or you talk about me with other people, like you're no longer in that circle. I've had to do things to get to this point, and I'm not gonna just allow something to come in and create some havoc in my piece. Timothy, final message. So, this is the book. Never underestimate the power of you. Life's a DIY project. This is a DIY book. I'm not a professional. I didn't go through any kind of training. This is all things that I've researched, that I've learned. Um, I dug into Buddhism and learned how that goes. I learned about Stoicism and took things from that that I needed that helped me. I've listened to hundreds and hundreds of audiobooks, uh, listened to thousands of podcasts, um, to be my own advocate and know that we all have the fire within. We just need that spark sometimes. Define happiness first. Define happiness, what happiness means to you. Define it and then follow it with diligence. That would probably be my message. I think that in a world where everybody's different and we are fighting that everyone should be the same and have the same thoughts is a is a very tough road. And to stand in your authentic self is a strength and a power that not many will understand. And they don't have to understand it because it's your story, it's your life. You don't live it for others' approval or validation. You don't need acceptance, you don't need to ask questions on how to do things. You can do them and live in your authentic self.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

I love that too.

SPEAKER_03 37:32

And you can find you can find the podcast. Podcast is Pieces to Wellness. We're pretty active on Instagram at Pieces to Wellness. Um, we're on uh Apple, Spotify, Google. And pretty soon, I don't know when this is going to come out, but pretty soon we will have um the hosts of Multispective on Pieces to Wellness.

SPEAKER_02 37:54

Oh, I know. I'm so excited. I can't wait to get on and share my perspective a little bit from from my podcast episodes and just my own personal life as well. Thanks so much, Timothy, for being on Multispective and sharing such great perspective here with us. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

Thank you. It was a blast. I appreciate it. Very grateful for you.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

If you enjoyed the episode and would like to help support the show, please follow and subscribe. You can rate and review your feedback on any of our platforms listed in the description. I'd like to recognize our guests who are vulnerable and open to share their life experiences with us. Thank you for showing us we're human. Also, a thank you to our team who worked so hard behind the scenes to make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Stefan Menzel. Lucas Piri.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

The show would be nothing without you. I'm Jenica, host and writer of the show, and you're listening to Multispective.