106 The Hidden Signs of ADHD Most People Miss

“Everybody has a little bit of ADHD” is one of those phrases that sounds harmless until you measure impact. ADHD isn’t just distractibility or being late sometimes. It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder that can shape attention regulation, executive dysfunction, working memory, impulse control, and emotional dysregulation in ways that strain jobs, relationships, sleep, and self-trust.

We sit down with Leah, an ADHD life and mindset coach, to unpack what adult ADHD looks like in real life and why the label can be both clarifying and confusing. We get into ADHD types (inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, combined), why so many women were missed as kids, and how ADHD can be misread as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, autism (AuDHD), or “just stress.” Leah also breaks down how the ADHD diagnosis process can differ across countries and clinics, and why support shouldn’t stop at a prescription.

From there, we move into what actually helps: shifting self-talk from shame to neutral reflection, understanding how executive functions create a domino effect, and building low-friction systems that make follow-through easier. Think night-before setups, habit stacking (yes, meds on the coffee machine), and a regulation toolbox that can include journaling, breathwork, sensory supports, and yoga nidra (non-sleep deep rest). The takeaway is simple but powerful: pick one or two changes, give them two weeks, and let consistency compound.

If you found this helpful, subscribe, share the episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a rating and review so more listeners can find the show. What’s one small step you’re willing to try this week?

Transcript

ADHD Basics And Big Questions

SPEAKER_02 0:00

But ADHD is a neurological, a neurodevelopmental disorder. So it is the way that your brain develops. Um, I just really thought med school will fix all the problems. Diagnosis process is going to look different depending on where you're at.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Is it a spectrum though?

SPEAKER_02 0:21

There is the inattentive type, there is the hyperactive impulsive type, and then there's the combination. ADHD and depression, ADHD and anxiety, ADHD and OCD, ADHD and autism, so AudiHD, all of these different things that can layer on top of it.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Do you find that to be very common among your clients as well that are that have ADHD? That concept of chaos and calm or control in certain situations?

SPEAKER_02 0:48

ADHD shows up as emotional reactivity and emotional deregulation, and then you have our cycles on top of that. So you have hormones.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

At the time of pregnancy, can a doctor be able to sort of tell that this child is gonna have um ADHD because of the brain composition?

SPEAKER_02 1:07

So self-awareness, self-acceptance, radical honesty, and minute action are kind of the four pillars of what I work

Leah’s Late Diagnosis And Meds Reality

SPEAKER_02 1:16

on.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Hi Leah, welcome to Multispectrum. I am so excited to have you on air with us and share some really great insight and expert, you know, uh understanding on the specific topic of ADHD. So um before we get into that, I would love to know just a little bit about you. Like who is Leah? What's your background?

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Yeah, well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I love having these conversations around ADHD just to help people better understand. Um ADHD is quote unquote trendy at the moment, um, even though it is far from a trend. So um, so yeah, I always love people that are willing to um chat about this on a large platform. So thank you for having me. Um yeah, my name's Leah. I am an ADHD life and mindset coach, so I help adults better manage their ADHD brains, better understand their ADHD brains, better um set up systems for their unique brand of ADHD. So my background is I'm originally from Kentucky. My um feedback from teachers was always like a pleasure to have in class, but easily distracted, can't focus on work, um, you know, forgets to turn in homework, chats too much to everyone that will listen to her. So there was always that kind of stuff, but I was not officially diagnosed with ADHD until I was about 28 years old. I'm now 41, so that was a while ago. Um, I had a remote job, and this was back kind of early 2010s in the teens. Yeah, that wasn't really super common back then, and I was like, oh, this is really hard for me to get done what I needed to get done. It was kind of like, oh, freedom, a free-for-all. I could just like meet girlfriends for coffee and lunch all day. And that quickly was not the case. I mean, I could, but I was not gonna have the job for very long. So um went and sought out a diagnosis, got the diagnosis, tried meds, went on meds for a while, really got the diagnosis, if we're being quite honest, for the meds. Um, I just really thought meds will fix all the problems. This will be my like limitless pill, and I'll be able to focus and zone in and be organized and get all the things done and you know, all of that. Um shocker, that was not the case. Uh I took meds for a while. Again, I was not young, but younger, and didn't really take the whole thing seriously. Um, got the diagnosis, took meds fairly inconsistently, if we're being honest. I didn't love how they made me feel in the after effects. So in the moment, it was like, this is amazing. But then once things started wearing off, it really affected my sleep and my mood, um, my ability to regulate once the the meds had worn off. That is not the case for everybody. I um I don't talk about meds too often. I don't diagnose, but I yeah, inconsistently was taking meds, decided I'm just gonna like not do this anymore, and gave up kind of halfway through, which again, not advised. And really just kind of was like, Well, I tried. Like, there's nothing else I can do. Um, it's everybody else's problem, basically. It it was very much this is me, take it or leave it. Um, which I think can be a healthy mindset in some instances, and it can be a pretty detrimental mindset in other instances. And for me, it was obviously not a great mindset to have like I'm kind of the victim here, and this is everybody else's responsibility to cater to the way that my brain works. As you can imagine, people don't love that. So, um, yeah, so that was kind of my my beginning journey of being diagnosed, and then everything just got kind of too much. I burned out, slash, I don't want to say freaked out, but I definitely had like a late quarter life crisis, sold everything I owned, left the states, and backpacked for three years at the ripe old age of 32. And so everybody was like, girl, you missed the boat. Like you were supposed to do this 10 years ago. And I was like, Yeah, it's I I have to do this or I'm gonna crawl out of my skin. So part of that was, like I said, the burnout. Part of that was um you just don't have as much responsibility when you're on the road like that, depending on how you decide to do it. And I was a dirtbag backpack backpacker. I was staying in hostels and teaching yoga and we'll go into yoga school and then teaching yoga and um amazing. It was such an amazing time and experience and all of that. Oh god, it was so great. It was so great. Um, and then I met my now husband and we settled, he's German, and we settled in Germany. And there was a lot more um boredom here. There was a lot more responsibility without having responsibility because I I didn't really have much going on when I first got here, and feeling really out of control, which is funny because when I was traveling, I felt very in control, even though there was just chaos everywhere. Then I got to a place of stability, and then I was the chaos. So really had to kind of dive into like, all right, what's going on? This isn't the same as it used to be, where it's everybody else's problem because you know, quite frankly, nobody here gives a shit. I don't know anybody, I don't speak the same language, like nobody, nobody cares. So it was up to me. So um, like I said, I'd gone to yoga school, I started teaching yoga in Germany, but that was kind of hit or miss, you know, one or two classes a week, and I was like, something has got to give. I was actually teaching English online to kids in China, and I had done that for the entire time that I traveled. So um, shout out VIP kid, loved it. It was amazing. Um, it was great. Um, but it wasn't super fulfilling, it was like very 30-minute session, it's gotta be quick. You kind of see the same kids all the time, but not really. And I needed something more for sure. So I thought, okay, what am I gonna do? And I decided with the yoga, you know, teaching, that side of things, health coaching was the natural kind of progression. I love talking to people, I love helping people see what's going on and uncover patterns and feel better. And so I thought, okay, I'll do that. So I went to health coaching school, um, did that for a little bit, and then that space started to feel pretty toxic of like, just help me be skinny. And I was like, I don't know how to do that, and I feel like I need a full-blown doctorate to talk to you about like your uh thyroid issues. Like it was just a lot for me. So I kind of stepped away from health coaching and just went into general life coaching, right? So just helping people feel better. What's going on? What's happening? Um, not therapy, but really meeting you where you're at and then looking forward, where do you want to go? And that's kind of the difference between coaching and therapy, right? Therapy is gonna focus a little bit more on your past and what got you to where you are, and then coaching is gonna be a little bit more of where you're at and where you want to go. Um, again, not that therapy can't do that as well, um, but that's kind of my take on the difference between the two. So went into life coaching, really liked that space of just helping people dismantle the struggles. And as I got into that space, I realized more and more that the people that came to me that were ADHD and kind of like when when I was generally life coaching, ADHD was kind of in the background, like, oh yeah, and I, you know, I've been diagnosed with ADHD. It was like, oh, okay, me too. Like that was kind of brushed over. But I started realizing that those were the people that obviously I connected with the best and the most and the strongest. And so I thought, oh, what if I really went down this road? Um, because a lot of people's struggles not to, you know, um discount past traumas and um circumstances and all of that kind of stuff is untreated, undiagnosed, undermanaged ADHD. So that's really what led me to where I am now of there are so many people out there that know that they want to change and they feel like they don't know where to start. And I mean that's kind of ADHD in a nutshell. Um not knowing where to start and not having the support systems out there, they don't even know about it. Like I'm struggling, but I don't even know what to do. Because what happens is, at least in the States, and most of my clients are in the UK because I'm in Germany, so the um the time difference is a little bit better. You get diagnosed, you I don't know, maybe get put on meds or talk about meds. A lot of times meds are are brought up, so you get diagnosed, you get put on meds, and you might get like a pamphlet. Okay. I'll see you in three months to see how those meds are treating you. And again, regardless of your your situation with medication, uh pills don't teach skills. So even if you're on meds and they help you regulate and they do help you focus a bit, you still don't necessarily have the skill set to take this new energy, this new focus, this new quiet brain to do what you want to do with it. And that's where coaching comes in is let's take advantage of what the medication is doing for you and add that to the toolbox of coaching. Where are you still stumbling, even though you're more regulated?

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Yeah, I I think it is a really important topic. And I think, yeah, it must have been a bit surprising for you to kind of like once you started talking to people, realizing that there are so many people right now that are are kind of like you know, claiming to have ADHD, sort of realizing that, oh, it seems like it's a lot more common than I thought it was, you know. Um, and in a sense, it it can be quite comforting for someone who feels like they might have it, just because there's so much resource out there right now, there's so many people talking about it. It's just like blown up the internet almost. But yet at the same time, there's the other aspect of it, which is like, wait, how many people are self-diagnosing here? How many people are just taking individual symptoms and calling themselves an ADHD individual as opposed to it being a real condition that they're living with?

What ADHD Is And Isn’t

SPEAKER_00 11:58

But before we get into all of that, into that whole conversation, I uh, you know, if you could just kind of like tell us like medically or you know, in the in the field of psychiatry psychiatry, like what would it how would you define ADHD?

SPEAKER_02 12:10

So medically, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. Um, this is marked by persistent inattention, and we can kind of dive into that a little bit um later. It's it's not a lack of attention, it is the ability to regulate your attention and kind of harness it. Um also marked by hyperactivity and impulsivity. So those two kind of go go hand in hand. Um, and this is going to impair your daily functioning. So it can feel like racing mind, chronic overwhelm, um, yeah, the inability to initiate tasks despite trying really hard. So it's going to significantly impact life through wartime management, job instability, relationship strain, high emotional volatility, all of these things that come into executive dysfunction. Um, a lot of this has to do with the prefrontal cortex, um, the amygdala. There's obviously different, all kinds of different parts of the brain, dopamine receptors, neuroepinephrine, all of these kinds of things that play into it. Um yeah, there is well, I was gonna say we can get that to a minute about what's the difference between like everybody, you know, how often do you hear? Well, everybody has a little bit of ADHD. So um I have something that I say quite often as a response to that, and it's a little bit crass, but people are like, oh yeah. So my response to that is yeah, and everybody goes to the bathroom every day. But if you're going to the bathroom 97 times a day, imagine how much that's going to impact your life. Right? It's not just, oh, I gotta like run over here. It is every, I mean, I don't know what the math on that would be. You know, you're awake for 12 hours a day, divided by 97. Like you're going to the bathroom four, five, six times a day. I mean, an hour, sorry, an hour, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Literally IBS. It's like, it's like you can only call it IBS when when it's persistent and it's destructive, and it's affecting your day-to-day life, it's affecting your mood, it's affecting your ability to build relationships and have jobs and all of that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

That is a really great way to put it of like, well, everybody poops, and it's like, yeah, but that's not what this is. This isn't a little bit of distractability and like being late to an appointment. That's, you know, that's yeah, that's being human, especially in today's day and age. It is the impact that it has on your ability to show up and walk through the world in a way that does not feel like you're on fire.

ADHD Types And Why Girls Get Missed

SPEAKER_00 15:05

Is it a spectrum though? Like, is there a spectrum for ADHD? So are there like terms of different kinds of ADHD? Can you just walk us through some like ways that yeah, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Like I said, so um there is the inattentive type, there is the hyperactive impulsive type, and then there's the combination type. So the intent the inattentive is gonna be a little bit more of that daydreamer, um, kind of like, you know, the the chattier one. And again, this is all very general. So if you're listening to this and you're like, wait a second, that's not me. This is all general because it is a spectrum. So ADHD is gonna show up different for me than it is for her, than it is for him, than it is for, you know, everyone. Um, and what I struggle with, other ADHDers might not, or might struggle, struggle 10 times what I struggle with X, you know, problem. So yeah, you've got these these different kinds. Um, the the hyperactive is kind of really what you think of it, especially I think that's kind of the classic eight-year-old little boy in a classroom bouncing off the walls and you know, just being really disruptive. And that is why boys are typically diagnosed far greater than girls are, especially, you know, in my generation. Um, I think it's getting a little bit better. But the boys were the hyperactive ones. Again, this is all very general. Don't come at me in the comments. Um, the the boys are the the more disruptive to the classroom. The girls are annoying because they don't pay attention and they're looking out the window and it's like hello, but the boys are actually causing disruptions, so they get more of that attention from teachers and parents and counselors and that kind of stuff. Um, so that's why you're all you're also seeing an increased diagnosis in women because we were missed as girls. You are born with ADHD. So this is not um, it can be exacerbated by environment and circumstances 100%.

How ADHD Gets Diagnosed

SPEAKER_02 17:15

But ADHD is a neurological, a neurodevelopmental disorder. So it is the way that your brain develops.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

At the time of pregnancy, can a doctor be able to sort of tell that this child is gonna have um ADHD because of the brain composition at the time?

SPEAKER_02 17:33

Not that I know of. Um, now I don't, I'll be honest, like I don't dive too much into the the brain side of things. There are so many great um, you know, doctors and neuroscientists and people that really go down that road, that side of things. Um, that is not where my my hyperfocus and my brain has taken me. But as far as I know, um, there is not a brain scan necessarily.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Is it usually just diagnosed by conversation and by talk, or are there actually like other physical ways that a person can be medically diagnosed with ADHD?

SPEAKER_02 18:14

Yeah, so the diagnosis process is going to look different depending on where you're at. So it's gonna look different in the UK versus the US versus Germany versus China. It really just depends on kind of and and honestly, state to state, you know, city to city almost, depending on what doctor you see, what clinic you go to. But most of the time that is going to start with an assessment of just again, like where are you struggling and then going into actual like tests on working memory, on organization, on distractibility, focus, all of these kinds of things. So it is pretty tedious. Um, some places are gonna want to see, you know, depending on how old you are, they're gonna want to see past like report cards. What were your teachers saying as you were growing up? Um, how was this, how has this been affecting you? Because in order for it to be ADHD, it it has to affect you um from the time of at least like 12 years old. So they need to see that even back then there were signs of of struggle. Um, they might ask to speak to your family members, your friends to get a better idea of what's going on. Your boss at work, your managers, your coworkers, that kind of thing. So for some people, it's pretty straightforward. I did not have to go through all of that when I got my diagnosis in the States, but I've heard of people that have had to go full on into all of that. Um, and I do think it the the screening process is getting a little bit more um, I don't want to say tedious, but just more detailed so that they really do have a better idea of, okay, yeah, because uh again, if you're gonna go on meds and all this kind of stuff, depending on how it presents for you, these are really important things to know, not only for coaching, but yeah, like I said, if there's medication involved. So um I think it's just people being more, hopefully being more diligent with the the diagnosis process.

Comorbidities And Common Mislabels

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Can you tell me like what potentially a family member say if they have to describe a person, their their own family member with ADHD? What how might they describe them?

SPEAKER_02 20:27

So, I mean, again, the spectrum, it's gonna look so different. Um, not only that, but like there's comorbidities, right? So ADHD and depression, ADD and anxiety, ADHD and OCD, ADHD in autism, so Audi HD, all of these different things that can layer on top of it. Um, a lot of times women specifically get diagnosed as bipolar because ADHD shows up as emotional reactivity and emotional deregulation, and then you have our cycles on top of that. So you have hormones. So, you know, we're in ovulation and we're feeling like Beyoncé, and our emotions are good, and so it looks like we're manic. And then we hit luteal and everything goes out the window, and then we're deregulated, and somebody snaps us at work, and RSD kicks in, and it looks like the depression side of things. So I've seen a ton of women that have been misdiagnosed bipolar, right? So it's those kinds of things. If you're looking for a, you know, a family member, it is going to be that chronic time blindness, disorganization, poor working memory, um, struggling with prioritizing, future planning, um, a lot of that all or nothing mindset, black or white mindset, that kind of stuff. And again, not that that those things can't affect neurotypical people, but it's the amount and the impact that it's having on your relationships, on your jobs, on the way that you show up, on your mental state, that kind of stuff. Stuff, um, task initiation, being able to finish a task without having 37 different open loops all the time.

Self-Diagnosis Online And Getting Support

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Right. Do you feel like technology, social media, AI is kind of causing us to evolve in a way where we are becoming a lot less able to sort of like focus and a lot more hyperactive and a lot more impulsive? Like, do you think that's probably why people are kind of like diagnosing themselves?

SPEAKER_02 22:28

I'm always really careful to invalidate someone's experience, right? I don't know what it's like to walk in your shoes. I don't know what it feels like to live your life and go through your day and all of that kind of stuff. So um that, you know, again, I don't diagnose. People come to me and they're like, well, I saw a bunch of things on TikTok that resonated. And I'm like, listen, I don't care if you're if you have ADHD or not. All I care about is, are you struggling? Okay, you're struggling. Sweet. I am going to come at this from an ADHD lens. So as long as you're okay with that, then we can talk. We can have, you know, these conversations. And at the end of the day, again, because I don't really, you know, talk about meds, now obviously you need a full diagnosis and a prescription if you're gonna go on meds. Um, otherwise, get help, get support, see what's out there for you. If you're struggling with these different executive functions, I can help you, right? So that that part to me, the diagnosis, as far as my work is concerned, is neither here nor there necessarily. Because I'm gonna be able to help you with these things regardless of if it's a circumstantial I, you know, just had a baby and I have a one and a half year old and I'm working a full-time job, and my, you know, husband travels for work and is gone three weeks out of the month. Oh. Oh, and you can't you didn't remember the doctor's appointment? How dare you? Right. So we're gonna work on the things to to help, you know, that particular case.

Shame Spirals And Rewiring Self-Talk

SPEAKER_00 24:11

How would you advise them or how would you help them work on it? Would it be sort of things more like how to plan their day-to-day life so they don't forget things? Like you'll you'll remind them to make notes and you know, post-its and stick them around your house. Like, is it that kind of advice you're giving?

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Yeah, yeah, it definitely can be. So there is a lot of like mindset work that goes into this as far as what are the thoughts behind the things that keep coming up for you, the things that keep derailing you? Um, how how is how are the thoughts showing up? Like, oh, there it goes again. I'm a piece of shit. I can't do it. I knew it. Is that helpful? Are we helping ourselves with that? How can we just change that from negative to neutral? We don't even have to go fully to positive. Like, I'm amazing, no worries, keep going. To oh, I just had a moment. That's all right. I'm not an idiot. I'm I'm tired. Or I'm not an idiot, I'm just deregulated, or I'm not a piece of shit, I'm just you know, whatever. Okay, what just happened? Take a second of reflection. We struggle with self-reflection, that's one of our executive dysfunctions. Take a second, okay. Wait, I don't talk to myself like that anymore. It's not helpful. I literally have this conversation with myself all the time. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't say that. I literally I like reparent. I talk to myself like I'm a toddler. Hey, we don't say that. It's not kind and it's not helpful. If speaking to ourselves that way helped, it would have helped by now. It's not helping. So how can we reframe that? Oh, okay. I just had a moment. I'll be okay. What do I need to do? What's the next step? How do I keep moving?

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Like that self-reflection pot is something that they're that they're missing on. So that instead of actually like pausing and kind of going into the feeling that's absent. They're instead focused on the the situation at hand that has caused them to make them angry, and then they sort of spiral in that in that situation, hey.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Yeah, definitely. Um the spiral takes hold, the shame, the guilt, and because we struggle with the self-reflection, there is that repeated pattern.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

But but I wonder whether that is like a taught, a taught mentality, like it's something that is being taught to us because maybe growing up we've had that so much, like parents kind of criticizing us, or we get a bad grade and we criticize ourselves, so we just kind of teach ourselves that narrative and then it kind of just spirals, or whether that is also a a form, like a symptom of ADHD.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

Yes. Um, a lot of that will come from the way that you were raised and what that environment looked like. Just try harder. How did you forget your homework again? That's the third time this week. Why don't you care? Right? And again, I understand that because from the outside looking in, it looks like you're just being inconsiderate, irresponsible, lazy. But what people don't understand is that it is an actual, it's an actual disconnect. So it's like if you plug something into the wall and the light doesn't come on, and you're like, dude, the plug is in the wall. What's going on? What you're not seeing behind it is that there's a disconnected wire. And the lights over here are like, I'm trying, man. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I don't know why this isn't working. And so, yeah, looking at it um from that that place of self-compassion, compassion for your friends that are, you know, kind of got that that miswire going on. Now, the great thing is neuroplasticity, we can rewire. But it is not a switch that we can flip. This is like the slow, tedious, everyday little things. Like I said, like catching the self, cat catching that I've just talked to myself in a way that is not helpful, negative self-talk, catching that, having the emotional, like wherewithal to be like, okay, wait a minute, we don't do that. Not in a judgy way, but in a the data that I have collected has told me that this is not good for me. So I need to work it back. And that's after the fact, right? Because my initial thought is, God, you're an idiot. That is default, right? So catching the default. Oh, wait, rewind. It's not that big of a deal. You're not an idiot. You just had a lapse. It's been a busy day, or you just were going too fast, you gotta slow down, right? So having that, those, that five-second little conversation with ourselves is the self-reflection, and that increases self-awareness. And what people don't, this is um part of you know what I was talking about earlier about what people don't quite understand about ADHD is that each executive function is interconnected. So when one struggles, it creates a domino effect. So it's not just that um we're disorganized or that we have trouble um, you know, regulating and directing our attention. It's all of these different things. So poor self-awareness makes it hard to recognize why you're avoiding tasks. And then weak planning and prioritizing leaves you unsure of where to start, impacting task initiation. Lack of focus means you jump from task to task, making organization harder. Emotional struggles like impulse control or self-regulation create like tension, making it even harder to stay on track. And then you add in working memory issues, and suddenly you forgot steps or lose track of progress, and the result is everything feels overwhelming.

The Four Pillars Plus Friction-Free Systems

SPEAKER_02 30:00

And we blame ourselves creating this cycle of shame and avoidance and guilt and all of that.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

Yeah. So you are basically kind of working on two sort of big areas, one of which is like the physical aspect of like planning things, running through that checklist, making sure that you're getting each and every task done. So that's the one aspect of the executive dysfunctions that you're sort of like helping to iron out. And then the other aspect of it is that mind, that mindfulness, that uh you know, awareness and that forgiveness of the self when you know certain things don't fall into place.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

Yeah, so self-awareness, self-acceptance, radical honesty, and minute action are kind of the four pillars of what I work on. So being aware of what your struggles are, being aware of how you regulate yourself. So when you're regulated, okay, wait, I feel good. Let me pay attention to this for a second. What did I do? How did this work? So that when I'm deregulated, I can be like, oh, okay, here's some of my go-to foundations that I know help regulate me. So I've got this cup in front of me. It's not actually tea, it's just hot water because it regulates me to hold something hot. So I'm holding, I'm just holding this cup and it's helping keeping me tethered to the moment. And that's something that I've learned over time is a sensory for me to be to be here. Um, so yeah, so we've got the the mindset side of things, and then we've got the the action item side of things. So looking at your night, looking at your day the night before. Little stuff like that. Lay out your clothes. Treat yourself like an eight-year-old that you really don't care about. Lay out your clothes. Go ahead and put your coffee mug by the um coffee maker. Do you have to go to the office tomorrow? Pack your laptop, your charger, your headphones, that scarf that you always take because the office is freezing. Um, the sunglasses because you're gonna have to make the commute. What are the things that are gonna make your day easier? Do it the night before. Because doing it the night before takes 10 minutes, doing it the morning of takes 25. I know the math don't math, but I don't make the rules. That's just how it works. So, how can you set yourself up for the least amount of friction possible? I just had a call with a client, he was forgetting to take his meds. Okay, is there something that you already do every single morning without fail? Maybe that's going to the bathroom. Okay. Meds need to sit on the back of the toilet. It's weird. I get it. I don't care. Once you get used to it, you can move them back into the medicine cabinet. But for now, they're there. Um, that was not the case for him. He is a coffee drinker, so okay, meds go on top of the coffee machine. As the coffee is brewing, you take your meds.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

Habit stacking in that way. So again, maybe it looks like the night before, as part of your evening prep, you even put a glass of water there. So in the morning, when you turn on the coffee machine, you can boop boop.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

Yeah, yeah. It really reminds me of that book, uh, Atomic Habits. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

You know, and I actually, it's so great, right? I am quoting James Clear every other quote, I tell you. Love him. Love James Clear.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Right? And you know what? Like, he didn't even he didn't even like quote this as or he didn't even like advise this for anyone with ADHD. It was more just how to create new habits, how to build new habits, and how to get rid of like bad habits, right? And he did talk about habit stacking and stuff. Like he did kind of mention of like putting certain things in a certain location or or um attaching one activity to another activity. So every time you do one thing, you do the other thing because they are they kind of go in tandem to a point where it starts to become a habit. And then you know you can start to kind of move things around again. But do you find that like um yeah, that I I know that for me, that's what I've started to do as well. Like when I want to build a new habit. For example, something really small is like I always used to order my coffee on the way to work, and it was just like, why am I spending unnecessary money to order coffee in the morning when I could just make coffee at home? It's not that hard. And but then I I bought myself a jar of coffee and I kept it at home and I just never did it because it was just like an extra 10 minutes of like heating the water and waiting for the water to heat and you know, putting it all together, and I never did it until you know I started to kind of attach it with something. So I would before I'd go and brush my teeth, I would go and start the kettle, I would go and brush my teeth, so I'd hear that, and when it would go click, okay, I'd know I need to. So there would be certain things that I would kind of start to like pair together to sort of make it work so that it wouldn't take up too much time of my of my day or of my morning. Um, so it it it is sound advice, I would say, for anyone. Like it doesn't have to be specific to ADHD, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:54

I was gonna say that is kind of my point going back to like you don't have to be formally diagnosed to get some support here. Where are you struggling in your days? And we can work with it because it's not gonna be anything that's detrimental to your life, right? And really looking at where is the friction point for you. So for you, maybe you know, with the coffee thing, you were still forgetting. Okay, can we get you a timer that you plug the coffee machine into that you set that timer for 7:30 every morning and the coffee starts on its own? Yeah, yeah, right? These different things, and that's what's so great about coaching, is being able to offer different solutions that maybe people haven't thought of or they haven't tried, or they haven't tried with this new mindset. Yeah, because people will be like, I tried that, it doesn't work for me. Like, cool. How long did you try it? Yeah, two hours. Oh, it didn't work. Okay, can we try two weeks? Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Do you find that to be very common among your clients as well that are that have ADHD? That that concept of chaos and calm or control in certain situations?

SPEAKER_02 36:10

Yes and no. Again, like it's just so varied how this presents, but you will talk to a lot of ADHDers that thrive in chaos. You will also talk to other ADHDers that absolutely do not thrive, hate it, don't want to be anywhere near all that kind of stuff. And there's different, there's you know, varying um aspects of that, right? So a moment of um, like, what's the word I'm looking for? I can't find my words today. Um, in a moment of emergency, shall we say? A lot of times people, ADHD's are like, yep, okay, sweet. I was born for this, let's go. Versus chaos, like a music festival. No. I'm built a little bit differently. Um, I don't mind an emergency situation, but I do kind of go into like decision paralysis and like, oh shit, am I supposed to do this or that? Which which one is right? Am I gonna? Whereas like a music festival, all that chaos, all that around me, love it. Let's do that. Love that for me. So um it like I said, it depends person to person, but you will you will find a lot of people that feel like a constant tornado. And when they do get set, and I mean, this is nervous system as well, when you feel like a constant tornado and then you get sat in, you're like, I just want calm. I just want calm. It's like, okay, well, here's calm. And you're like, this feels very unfamiliar, and therefore it feels very unsafe. I don't like this. I like to be the chaos within the chaos.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

Yeah, it it sounds like it is a bit hard to sort of like have a one size fits all kind of like definition for ADHD because there's so such a huge variety of like what it can look like. So I'd imagine that like it would be very confusing sometimes or difficult for you know for it to be diagnosed as well, you know. So again, I'm not trying to go back to the conversation of diagnosis, but I would imagine to diagnose

Regulation Tools And Progress Over Time

SPEAKER_00 38:00

it, to understand it, to manage it, to help it, to medicate it, like it would be so hard to do that just because it looks so different for everyone. And yeah, like how you mentioned earlier as well, is like it could be mistaken for autism, it could be mistaken for bipolarity, it could be mistaken for depression, it could be mistaken for PTSD because it's you know it's very common for stress, stress um symptoms, and a lot of times those layer.

SPEAKER_02 38:25

So it's ADHD and autism, it's ADHD and depression and anxiety, right? But then there's also times where I've been diet, you know, people have been diagnosed um, you know, generalized anxiety. But the reason that they're anxious is because it's untreated ADHD. So it definitely, I mean, it is a cluster to say the least. Um but again, a good a good practitioner um can can usually kind of pull apart what's what and get down to oh, you're anxious all the time because you've got a million tabs open and none of them are closed out, and you're struggling to, you know, initiate tasks and then finish tasks and all of that. That's leading to your anxiety and your overwhelm and your burnout, and that sounds more like you know, XYZ. So, like I said, if you have a good practitioner, hopefully they can pull that out.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

So there is the medic medication part, then there is the other ways of like managing um the self-awareness and all of that. Um, are there any other kind of recommendations that you would get you can give to someone? Like how does meditation work, or how does like in a holistic kind of healing work in terms of that, or energy healing? Because does that can that play a part or a role in working through it?

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Yeah, definitely. Um, all of those things are tools to add to your toolbox. So, yes, we need, you know, a good calendar, right? Like that's it's kind of a basic tool. We need all of these different regulatory. So is that a weighted blanket? Is that a hot cup of water? Is that a hot water bottle? Is that a fidget toy? Um, is it, you know, making sure that you have sunglasses when you're going out because you're light sensitive? Is that having noise-canceling headphones when you go into the grocery store because it's overstimulating? So there's all of these different tools that we can bring in. What's helping you regulate your nervous system? Breath work, getting to the bottom of why am I deregulated all the time? And that can go into therapy work and you know that kind of stuff. Um, journaling, getting things out of your head instead of keeping everything up there rattling around. Having one place that captures your to-dos and your appointments, not 15 different notebooks. Right? It's just like when you unload the dishwasher, your coffee mugs go in the same place, your plates go in the same place, your cutlery goes in the same place. You wouldn't just be like, well, we'll just put this fork here and this knife here and this plate here and that plate there, because then when you go back, you're like, Well, where's all my stuff? It's the same way with our thoughts. So um, that you know, all of these are different tools that you can bring in. The holistic side of that is part of that puzzle. So try things out. Even if you think something sounds super woo-woo, go get some acupuncture, you know, if you have the means to do that. Get a massage to help regulate yourself, take a warm bath, do pull up a you know, 10-minute meditation on YouTube, do some yoga nidra. Yoga nidra is one of my absolute favorite ways to regulate myself. It's yogic sleep, um, non-sleep deep rest. You basically just do a body scan. Again, are any of these things going to be the magic bullet? Not necessarily, but in combination together, you know, the mindset piece, the regulatory, you know, things that that you're doing, the actual action items of putting the medication on top of the coffee machine, all of these small steps come together and end up in a quantum leap. So you look back six months, it's just like going to the gym. You go to the gym every single day, okay. Maybe every other day, we gotta have rest days, and you progressively, you know, lift the amount or raise the amount of weight that you're lifting, and you're really, you know, muscle to mind connection and all of that. Day to day, you're gonna be like, God, this is just exhausting. I'm not getting anywhere. This is stupid. You look back in six months, you're like, holy shit. I can see, you know, muscles that I couldn't see. I have more energy, I'm more flexible, my balance is better. It's the same thing for our brains.

Final Advice And How To Connect

SPEAKER_00 42:46

Yeah, no, I love that. And I think also like just in the in the day and age that we live in, right, where everything is just like we expect like immediate gratification. We want to see those results now, and if we don't, then it's not worth pursuing anymore. We don't have the time for it. You know, we we and yeah, it's just a little bit hard when you know, when we live in this kind of like fast-paced world, people are showing you how great their lives are, and then you feel like you need to catch up with that, and then you're scrolling because you know, for some for some reason, social media has got very addictive kind of characteristics to it. So even if you're someone who struggles with focus, you can really, really focus on those social media reels and like you know, just keep scrolling and keep scrolling and doom scrolling. Um, but yeah, at the same time, it's it's really, really understanding, channeling the idea that anything that's good that's worth really like um that that will really change you will take time to sort of get there.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

Yeah, and it's frustrating, right? Like two things can exist at once. It can be really annoying and really frustrating, and I hate it, and I'm gonna cuss it every step of the way, and it's also worth it. So those two things can coexist, and you are allowed to complain and bitch about it and like not be super impressed, and do it anyway.

unknown 44:00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

And again, and some days you won't. Some days you will complain and not do it. Okay. That's fine. Just realize that those choices have consequences.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Leah, final words before we we end this episode today. Like anything else you'd like to share with our listeners today? Any other pieces of advice before we yeah, before we end it?

SPEAKER_02 44:19

I want people to know that you're not alone. There is hope. You can definitely make changes one really small step at a time. A lot of times we get just as humans, but especially as ADHDs, the reason that we procrastinate and put things off is the overwhelm. We don't know where to start. The project is too big. Take things down. So we've covered a lot in this episode today. Please, please, please do not try to implement everything that we've talked about. Pick one or two things and really give that some attention for the next two weeks. Right. So start with these little things, start building back up that that self-trust, and then watch the snowball effect.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

Thank you so much, Lee, for today and for sharing that and the great insight that you've offered today about ADHD and how to sort of manage it and help uh help yourself. And uh yeah, really, really appreciate all the insight today.

SPEAKER_02 45:20

Yeah, of course. Thank you so much for having me. If anybody's interested in more of this kind of information, check out my website. I offer every single person that comes through my door a free 45-minute coaching call just to really get an idea of, like I said, where you're struggling, if I'm a good fit to help you, um, what kind of support you need. So, yeah, look me up.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

If you enjoyed the episode and would like to help support the show, please follow and subscribe. You can rate and review your feedback on any of our platforms listed in the description. I'd like to recognize our guests who are vulnerable and open to share their life experiences with us. Thank you for showing us we're human. Also, a thank you to our team who worked so hard behind the scenes to make it happen.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

Lucas Theory, Stefan Menzel.

SPEAKER_00 46:07

The show would be nothing without you. I'm Jenica, host and writer of the show, and you're listening to Multispective.