T&J Q&A: 20 Questions For 20 Years! Part 3

Mary and Melissa wrap up the Toast & Jam 20th Anniversary series with a little perspective, and a lot of gratitude. After 20 years in the wedding industry, they reflect on what it means to build a career around something they genuinely love: music, creativity, and making people dance.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:15

My business is your business. It's all up in my lady business. With me. Mary NC. Welcome to All Up In My Lady Business today, folks. We got Mary and Melissa, the MM of it all, uh coming at you. We're a little I'm a little crispy today.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

I definitely woke up and I was like, I'm hungover. And I didn't, I I that was like from fun. And I was like, yeah, I guess that's it. I didn't have anything else.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Yeah. I mean, it was also a lot of social transacting, like which is also I've come to realize in my old age is uh is more taxing to me than I thought it would ever was. I think the alcohol was back when I was drinking, I think the alcohol was making socializing palatable for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Sure. Um, but I did have like a bunch of great conversations. I definitely got home though and I was like, no more words.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Yes. So uh what we're talking about, folks, is as uh you may or may not know, Toast and Jam celebrated its 20th anniversary on uh November 10th was our actual 20 years that I have been a business. And uh we had kind of an epic party last night for back in the day, we started this in 2008. So a couple of years after I started the company, we started this thing called the Vendor Bender, which was a party in November for like the all the vendors that we get together with to kind of party at our office. And I would raid Trader Joe's and I would get, you know, like a sometimes I get a keg and like, you know, two cases of shitty wine and invite all of our vendor friends and like because when we go to like wedding industry like events, like network, they're always like recreating a wedding. They're always like really like pretty and you know, over the top and nice. And I kind of always had it as be like, we don't we don't need that for this. We just we just need to get together and hang out. Uh and we had it for many years. Well, every year that we were in the office on Wabanzia after that. And then when we moved from Wicker Park to Logan Square, for some reason that we tried to have one there and it didn't really, it the vibe wasn't great. And then we had it one year we had it at Greenhouse Loft, and then the pandemic happened and we just never we hadn't done it for years. Uh and so we had the idea for the 20th anniversary to bring the vendor bender back. So it was a party for vendors, but I also invited, you know, all the old DJs and friends and whatnot. And uh it was uh it was epic.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

It was it was great. Like, and I've been to quite a few wedding things since joining uh the team, and there was just such a a different energy and just like like I feel camaraderie when we go to like other events, but there was just something so much more maybe because it was on our turf, but just like really congenial and warm and everybody was just so yeah, like I feel like we weren't I felt we're no, we weren't looking at each other.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Like I feel like a lot of the times when I go to like wedding industry things, I'm kind of just like looking at people's outfits and you know, like feeling uncomfortable. But I guess probably because it was on our turf that we were more we like we were in control of everything, sure, so to speak.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

But it was, you know, just like I don't know. I think maybe because we talk about this too and like dance floors being, you know, the best dance floors are you know when all the bodies are kind of rocking together uh and there's not too much space. And I feel like there was something about being in our office too that just like you had to get friendly. I think you were, you know, really shoulder to shoulder and scooting by people and um yeah, you kind of were you know forced to make friends as it were. There was no no escaping the person next to you in the best way possible. You know, it was like the layout was great. Uh obviously Joan and friends did such an incredible job and also just enjoyed hanging out with their crew all day, which is you know a rare treat to like just get to sort of, I guess, watch what other people who are awesome at what they do do and uh do their thing. And um And they're so good at it.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

They were so good.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Like at one point at the at the end of the night, we'd forgotten to put out uh the macaron. And I was like, Yes, please I will I will take some of these home. Um and I couldn't get the cellophane and like Teresa just like walked over and just did it for me.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

It was like the kind of thing where like uh looking for places to help out, like to be of service and just doing it.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Self-awareness to like be like, okay, this person's trying to do something. I'm just gonna do it for them, you know, without asking or volunteering or just no words were exchanged. It was just like a seamless takeover of the thing that I was trying and failing to do, and then her sweeping it and and getting the job done. So it was very cool.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Yeah, I uh I or I I had rent I didn't rent. I hired uh my friend, my friend Joan Chinquagani, who I've been friends with since she started the company. She started her company like five years after I started mine, and I keep thinking that we started at the same time, but we didn't just because she I she's just been around me a lot in the years that she started her company. But um, she's just such a she's I I've never hired a planner on that level for something. And it was, she's just it was so good. Like she kept me, you know, I was I kept giving her compliments. She's like, keep complimenting me. I'm like, I'm you're so good at your job. Like you should know how good you are. And she's like, I'm really good at listening to what people say and interpreting what they actually want. Mm-hmm. And that is a fucking gift.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

It is.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

I think I I think I do that, but I do it differently, you know, like I don't do it in that way.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Yeah, her methodology is is and medium is is different than yours, but I you know, I think you are similarly gifted in that fashion. Mine spreadsheets.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Oh, that's not all you got. You got more than spreadsheets, girl.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

But yeah, so no, that was that was super fun to see. And also Stephanie from Stems, and I I just put my well, I put them in water last night, but I actually just did it nicely um before our call and put the flowers on my dining room table. And we grabbed an extra for the sitter last night and gave her flowers to take home. So spreading love.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Yeah, so we um so when we were planning the party out, I decided instead of doing the Trader Joe's of it all, uh I actually got real vendors to like help out and a lot of people sponsored, like gave me great deals or didn't charge, and it was like magical in that way. But um, we had Big Delicious Planet that had done uh some of the catering, and we had and my friend Stephanie Stopcahoon's uh Flowers by Stem uh was also having her 20th anniversary. So we had a bouquet bar where we were giving away bouquets of flowers.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

So cute.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

We got there's a company called High Minded Events that do like cannabis uh dispensing at parties.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Very excited.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

John told me, he's like, I don't know if I should have been driving home last night. I was like, oh I mean, we made it, I guess. Let's not do that again. But uh we got a weed sponsor, Rhythm Cannabis donated all of the vape cartridges and the weed drinks. Uh and so we had this weed bar, and then um what else did we have?

SPEAKER_00 7:30

We had obviously we you know we had our our live music, um the the tanks. Um so many people were surprised that they were actually tanks, and I was just like, that's right. When did you think we were gonna stop surprising you? You know?

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Yeah, I had I had t-shirts made uh for the party that I'm actually wearing mine. If there's if we ever do if we ever do want I I haven't taken it off yet since uh last night. But yeah, as you can see, it's a sweet tuxedo.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Super sweet tuxedo.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

Uh and uh Melissa and I designed it over um over Zoom. We took the we yeah, we had a Zoom and uh and uh then the back has got all of the sponsors that we designed it in the uh in the manner of a of like the center of a blue note vinyl. Uh if you can kind of see it. Anyway, this is really bad video. This is really bad podcast to put to throw so many visuals into it.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

But imagine a blue note, and instead of all of the the notes about the you know, musicians, the studio musicians, it says the people that we that helped us out with the party. That helped us out that made it made it all possible and amazing. But I definitely feel like a personal highlight was uh Thundercat by the bread and butter band. Nearly lost my mind. And I really wish there had been more space or at least more other people that were as excited about it.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

So I so I when I was imagining the party, so we've been this year we added live music to our services, and uh our live music guy is this guy, Quinn Kirschhner, who is just so good.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Constantly figuring out how actually kind of famous he is. Like it's weird. Like I, you know, uh I didn't know of him, of course, until he started um filling, you know, this role at the company. And and then every time I'm with him, I'm like, oh, oh, really?

SPEAKER_02 9:28

You know, well, and like the the bass player that was playing. So we I I had him assemble this band. I was like, I want I have this, I feel like whenever we get like music for weddings, it's great. Like do we get like a lot of trios, like string quartets and jazz trios. But like I feel like I want to hear like cooler covers. Like I feel like there's I basically want like I wanted like a yacht rock kind of 70s AM gold, you know, just good vibes, funky songs to kind of, you know, play in the background.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

Um, and this is like I kind of want to start promoting this band, but I didn't know how to promote it without. I'm like, well, let me just throw it at them at the party. And if it doesn't, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But like if it does work, it could be amazing. And they put they were so good. So good. My sister and someone else she was talking to are like, this is the band I want to play my funeral. Was it you?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

It was me. Hi, it was me. We're like, you're already booked. Uh just just know you'll find out the date at some later time, but you'll need to be there.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Uh, because they I mean what I loved is that they just played songs into each other, you know, and they kind of it was like they were playing in D, like it was like DJing. It was like the the songs were going into each other and they kind of just all work together. The bass player is this guy, Matt Eulery, who we have like 80 million of his records like in rotation at chirp. And I'm like, okay, I I think I aimed it a little high with this band, but everybody was losing their mind at how good the band was.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

It was really truly so spectacular. And uh Cole, who's doing the singing and the keyboards, like just like being able to do those like high falsettos and like it was what Michael, they did it like a Michael McDonald song, right? Like what a fool.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Well, they did What a Fool Believes, but it's a Doobie Brothers song, but it's Michael McDonald, it's Michael McDonald on the vocals. But yes, go on.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Got it. So yeah, so and just being able to like do that in a way that doesn't feel it didn't feel like um kind of like an impersonation. Right. It was still had like that soul, but it was clearly his voice, but then also had that, you know, reminiscent the echoes of the original that made it, you know, feel like if I closed my eyes.

unknown 11:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Um, and uh and also just the proximity, like just being able to be so close to them and like actually see the I took a lot of video of uh Cole playing, you know, like just watching on that cool keyboard that he had. And like you just don't get that kind of proximity, you know, to people who are this good at what they do. And they're so good.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

Like these guys are like hired guns that like do a lot of really cool stuff. So I'm I'm very I feel incredible that they came and they slayed, and then we then we went right into the DJs after them and the and we had a sax player that was playing along with the DJ.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

I never got his name. Do you know which sax player of our I don't expertise in?

SPEAKER_02 12:23

This just happened to me last week.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

I gotta find that out because I was like, when I picture this, this is what this is what it is. Like Matt was telling me too that he was kind of he was like shark sharking, you know, through the audience and uh or the the crowd. And um there was some people from BDP like sort of back in the the beverage kitchen area. And then he was just going back there and like like honking sex with them. Like just like just like, you know, you're you're not up front, like so. I'm you're not getting out of this.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Everybody, everybody's getting a little sax in the face.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

Everyone's getting some saxing tonight, and uh, and they were laughing and and it was funny. But he was just so engaging and in this like same way I feel like our DJs are where it's like you're you're included, you're involved, but just in this way that's not, you know, like standard. I'm yelling at you to get on a dance floor. It's like try to resist getting on my dance floor, I dare you. And that's kind of like what you know, the sax was like you you think you're not into this, but I'm gonna prove to you.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

And it was by the time I get out of here that uh you you will want sax in your life.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

Uh it was also great. We had Rika in the photo booth. Rika in the photo booth, and she's just a charmer and a half. I mean, it just I was able to see like the full, like how great the DJs were. Frederick dancing his little ass off. And I mean, I feel like we're really is this lame podcasting to talk about a party that they weren't at and just be like, What I throw good parties. But I I will say though that like, you know, the planning of this of this party, like it was incredible to have Joan because I she made everything went perfectly and flawlessly.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

But through the planning process, I got really nervous. Like I tried to cancel the party in March. We started planning in January and like right and we were gonna do it at a venue. Initially, we're gonna try to have it at Sleeping Village, which is like a rock club in Avondale here in Chicago.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Thank you for to them for being willing to host us.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Yeah, it was I really wanted to do it there, but I but in March, when like the fascism was coming on so like thick, I was like, you know, and the when Elon Musk and Doge were like were like closing everything. Doesn't that feel like that was 14 years ago?

SPEAKER_00 14:37

I this year, the last 16, uh, you know, like I guess 12. How many years has it been? See, I don't even remember. No, it's 12 because my kid is 12. Anyway, too long. Um, but it definitely feels like this year was both it's like the longest, shortest time. Like it feels like a million years ago. And also like I blinked and the year was over.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

So yeah. So when but when Doge was doing all of its shit in, you know, February and March, just like take you know, dismantling this the Department of Education and you know, all of the all of the resources. Well, I well, and not only that, but I was also like, you know, these things are gonna start like coming, you know, to to fruition come like Q3. And I was like, you know, I'm like, I have a feeling that like September, I think things are gonna fall apart. And I don't want to like, if you know, the worlds fall apart, I don't want to like lose a deposit on this venue. And I don't want to like also have a party and make it seem like I'm fiddling while Rome burns. Uh, if things are going poorly. Joan was like, Mary, even if that's happens, you're still we're still gonna need joy and happy things in the world and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you know, okay, you're right. I will say though that I was right that the world is fucking collapsing and that uh, you know, yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

But the uh Joan is also right that we also still need joy.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Um, and uh the smilestone was not something that would have been.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

But it also just the party itself kind of wrestled up so many like weird feelings inside of me. You know, like the, you know, like looking back at everything, you know, and kind of oh yeah, all the DJs that worked here. Like there's so many people who have worked for me over the years. So I was going through like old contracts and old, you know, numbers of like what, you know, all the DJs have worked for me and like, you know, just how COVID kind of just stopped everything. And like people kind of disappeared out of my life and I disappeared out of theirs. And like there's a lot of people I didn't get any kind of weird, like any word clo, like any closure or even like like a like even acknowledgement that like this that our relationship as me as their boss or you know, whatever. It was weird. And it, you know, and it brought up, you know, bad management decisions that I made over the years, or you know, things that I didn't handle as great as I could.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Um and I take all the blame for these things, you know, like I I kind of absorb it all and just sort of assume that I'm the you carry it heavily on your shoulders, and I'm my constant refrain to you is always anybody that knows you knows that you're making the best decisions you can with the information, you know, that you have the time and you're always trying to make the best decision for the longevity of the business and for, you know, the people that work there, because if the business doesn't succeed, there is no place for those people to work. So, you know, you really you you have the burden of thinking about the big picture, and you know, people aren't that don't have that perspective aren't always the greatest at seeing how they don't fit into the big picture sometimes. So, you know.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Well, but also it's like, you know, I think to myself, like, well, I own the business, I'm the boss, like I, in theory, make my money off of them. You know, I don't want to complain to them. I don't I don't want to like tell them how bad it is. I don't wanna because like, you know, like they're I'm not they're I'm not they're not paying me to complain to them. No. And so I think it I think that kind of It's lonely at the top. Yeah, it's lonely at the top. It truly is. And I, you know, and I I do think that women get it a little differently than men do. I agree.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Um and I didn't I don't think that I've been in an like, I guess in my own experience, had felt that quite as strongly um because the interior design world, of course, is very female dominated. And so I think there's just a real expectation that, you know, it's dominantly white blonde ladies. So, you know, that's kind of the expectation there. Um where here and you know, with DJing in general, and also just successful female entrepreneurs, everybody kind of has a different lens that they're looking through that isn't always super nice or helpful or productive.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

And there's also comp there's weird competition and people pitting people against each other, and like, you know, and I I don't deal well with that. I'd rather like have friend ours and like I don't know, just there's always a bit enough work to go around.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Yeah, you could tell last night for sure. Like that's I definitely had that feeling, and I could tell that these were people that sort of I guess made it through your filter in a lot of ways because they were all the good ones. The good ones.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Um there were some good ones that were missing. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna 100%.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Not everyone could make it that that we would have loved to have there, but you know, just talking to like Scott from Cage and um, you know, who's always just such a delightful um person, and you know, Jana, who's not as direct, uh, you know, selling the same service, um, but just like, you know, so supportive. And then your friend uh Kate, who's just like the light of Kate. Katie Kevin.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

Oh, Katie Kamashev. Yeah, Katie Tomashewski. Big, she's uh been on this on this podcast a couple times.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Yes, she is like we were just la like like sort of savoring the like the team Mary of it all, just like this great little, you know, network of um people that know you so well and are able to, you know, just kind of I guess be there for you through the the heavier times since you can't have like a peer-to-peer, you know, somebody sharing the the troubles and stuff because you can't filter that down to the DJs, but you have this amazing network of uh powerful ladies with great uh perspective and intention. It's nice to see that around you. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

I I mean I do and the thing is is that like I do have amazing people in my life. And I think it's great that I was able to invite my like my quote unquote competitors, you know, like Scott and Tyler from Cajun Aquarium and Daniel from Lunic. Um like having, you know, like loving the bread and butter band. Yeah. The bread and butter band was so good. I can't even I might just become like a band leader now at this point. But uh, you know, it's just that I can have my competitors there in my office and I don't I'm not worried about them stealing my secrets. There was a point, you know, so earlier on in the day I got my hair and makeup done for the party, and the makeup artist was like, what are you looking forward to most about tonight? And it's like, you know, I mean, ice was roving in Logan Square up until, you know, three days ago. I mean, I just I was having like a lot of anxiety. I mean, you know, this was like planning another wedding. It was bringing up all these weird emotions and you know, making me second guess, you know, like, am I any good at this? You know, just there's just the dumb imposter syndrome that really kind of plagues me. Um, and probably every other woman on that's just I'm not gonna push my shit on other people. I have uh these this problem with imposter syndrome. And uh once I gave my speech, I could then start doing stuff. And uh I hit the vape bar pretty hard. Uh and uh and then And the tamales. And oh my oh that was the other surprise we didn't talk about. Oh, I hired Cla I hired Claudio, this the tamales guy that uh that come well when I was younger. And went to bars, he would show up at the bar at like, you know, midnight, like fucking Santa Claus. And you're drunk. And I have, I have eaten more of his tamales than I've forgotten than I have eaten. I mean, so many tamales. And I've and I've wanted to hire him to cut for a party for years, but like I've never had the right party. I tried to get him for our wedding, but he wasn't available like on for our wedding. You know, that was 14 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

But I, especially after the pandemic, I kept trying to like get him into like Whippa. When I was doing the events for Whippa, I was like, we should get that tamale. And everyone's like, I don't think so, Mary. And so being able to uh hire Claudio, the tamales guy, um, to come in the tamale, tamale, tamales, like giving them out to everybody. And it's what's funny is I I I had to order, I think I'd had to buy what they do it on per person. And I I think I had to, I think I bought 750 tamales. Wow. And I'm like, I'm going to be eating tamales. And that was their minimum order. Yeah. And or it was a lot. It maybe it was, it maybe wasn't so it was it was a ton. It was well over. It was like 300 tamales I had to buy at least. Um and I'm like, I'm going to be eating tamales for the rest of my life. They were, they went immediately.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

Like they were gone.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

And uh the when I when he when Claudio finally got to me, his son was like being his little wingman.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

It was so great. Like literally, like his arm was out with bags of tamales. Like and uh and I'm like wings of tamales. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 23:31

They're like opening up a trench coat. And he's got like, you know, what can I interest you in? Uh cheese. Salsa verde, salsa red, roja. Um, and uh he I was like, hi, this is my party. Like I'm I'm the person that that hired you. And they're like, oh my god, they're like, thank you so much, especially right now. Like, you know, things are really scary. We don't, we have we've lost a lot of income. So we're really grateful that you hired us for this party. So anybody, if you guys are looking for a fucking everyone is excited. The people who knew who he was were looking at me like I was a fucking genius. They were like, You got the tamale guy to come to this party. And I'm like, Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

I mean, also, you know, we've been in business for 20 years in Logan Square. Yeah, we got the we got the tamale guy.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

It makes it makes sense that I got Claudio the tamale guy. Uh, but he they were very like, you know, especially like right now, like we're really, so if you guys are everyone was psyched. There's and I had some for breakfast today. I actually I only I was able to steal one bag. I got one bag of tamales. And so I I had them for breakfast today, and it was like tasting my youth.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Yes, I love it. I had never had one before, even though I'd been in the room with uh Claudio many times. I'm I was saying to um someone else at the party last night that I was too scared to tamale um and that that basically uh was my whole personality. Um that I that I am too scared to tamale. Uh and uh just I don't know, something about like I just never first of all it was like tamale. Like, you know, I didn't have like that wasn't something.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Is there gluten at tamale?

SPEAKER_00 25:06

No gluten and tamales. Okay. Bless blissfully. Uh but Matt got them last night and I had a tamale and it was dynamite and now you know I'm regretting all of my decisions that the times. Yeah, I will say though I had to tamale and I didn't do it.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

We're hiring we're hiring Claudio for every party we're ever having for the rest of all. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

So don't don't miss it next time, people.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

But anyway, after I finally did my speech, I got really high.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Uh on a crate in in uh in Mary Jane's.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

I stood on my crate and I and I and I broke the crate.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

But it was cute. Um grace and handling the fact that the crate was cracking you while you're trying to stay composed and deliver this really emotional and sincere message. But when I was getting my multifaceted people, she's multi-faceted.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Yeah, or like, or no, really, it's less than a multifaceted and more that like I came here to do this thing, and even if I destroy this crate, I'm going to like the show must go on. I'm going to finish this toast and I'm not going to let this part of it like I mean, that's that's really it's my it's my improv training that coached me through that moment.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Definitely.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

But uh I when I was getting my hair done and she the one asked me like what I'm most excited for for the party, and I was like, I just want it to be over. Like I just at this point, I'm I just want it to be done. I had been freaking out about it for so long. And um, and I just wanted it to be over. Like I really didn't think I was gonna have fun. I thought I was going to just be a nervous ball of shit the whole night. And uh, and then after the speech was over, and I I was standing outside and I was eating Jana's, Jana gave me some of her tamales. I'm I was eating Jana's tamales. Jana Kinsman from Doodle Booth and Baikabee. Jana is my BKP mentor. She's also been on this podcast before. And then she also um does these hand-drawn, like hand, it was almost like a hand-drawn photo booth and um things that she does at weddings as well. So she crosses into so many of my worlds. But I I had a moment where I was like, oh my God, I I have everything I've ever wanted. Like it was, it was very, it was like, all I do is focus on what I don't have. And I have like everything I wanted. I'm like, I'm I have a an amazing career that has lasted 20 years, which is a feat that only 20% of businesses even get to. I am in a really fun industry that is filled with really creative and fun, amazing people that all respect what I bring to the table. I have really amazing employees that believe in the mission that we are putting out there. I have a job technically in the music industry, which was the only thing I ever wanted. Like was like the only thing that I thought I could do. I have you, I finally have you, you know, like a person that like is like absolutely like understands my vision and like can help me actually do the things I want to do. I've got a great husband who gave also gave a cute little speech before I wonderful speech.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

What a sweetheart. I loved it.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

And uh my little boy, and I don't know, it just was like a moment of clarity where I was like, I was like, wow, I kind of I've I've like kind of made it. And I and that and I've had like gl like glimmers of that. Like, you know, like I live in a beautiful house in a great neighborhood with great in a great town. I love living in Evanston. I've got some really good friends that I've made since I've been up here. And I've been like, ugh and I can't even enjoy how I have the things I want because of the fascism. Like I've really, I've really let that bum me out. And I mean, I don't I don't think I can I don't think I can un ring that bell until the fascism is over or I move to Panama. But I don't know. I'm I think I need to um be grateful for what I got. And uh I mean I just I don't know. I it's like it it's interesting. It's like my my brother has has started a business and he oftentimes, you know, he's he just started his like five years ago, maybe at most, maybe not even that long. And um, you know, and he like whenever I'm complaining about work, he's always like, but you you have everything. And I'm like, Yeah, Chris, guess what? When you have like, you know, success and stuff, it actually doesn't fill the hole. It actually like you just kind of keep wanting more. And I was kind of saying that in a like, isn't that a universal thing that we all just kind of, you know, like we're never satisfied? Like, and then I'm like, oh wait, maybe I'm just a Skylar sister. Wait, have you seen Hamilton?

SPEAKER_01 29:29

No.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

Oh. My Hamelheads out there will know what I'm talking about, but there's a there's a song in in Hamilton where she where like the oldest Skylar sister is talking about how she'll never be satisfied. She's always kind of looking for more, and that's and I think that there's something to be said for that to like always be trying to innovate and change and still be doing, you know, not just wallowing in the thing you're good at, but also, you know, then you get afraid of it disappearing. That's the I think that might be the real, the real like motherfucker of success is that once you have it, you're perpetually fearing that it's gonna go away, even though all p signs point to, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Because it's just a human condition, you know. I think there are a lot of people, entrepreneurs are not, you know, it's just kind of based on your your values, right? Like I don't have my own business, but I have like the world's best husband and uh a cool kid and stuff like that. And you know, it's like even that measure of, you know, that's this I feel so grateful uh for those things. And so I feel like my my burden is I can't complain about anything else because I totally nailed that, you know, aspect of my life. Like I can't be.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

Like you get one thing, you get one thing that's good, and then like everything else to take the table scraps.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, you know, I think that that's totally fair. But I think it's what you do with it, right? Like you show gratitude for what you, you know, do have and recognize that literally no day is guaranteed to us, and we just live, you know, the best that we can. And I think when it comes to like, you know, toast and jam and longevity and like all of that stuff, like because the spirit of this business, the core of it, is really just reflecting people back to themselves on their dance floors. Like, you know, there isn't a gimmick to this, there isn't something that's ever going to age as long as we have, you know, sincere, dedicated talent and and DJs and people that can do that for their couples, then Toast and Jam will continue to rage on, you know. And that's what makes me so excited about, you know, the the the people that have joined recently and their just energy, right? Like when you have that sort of fresh uh enthusiasm and just you know, we really feel like you get it. And uh yeah, Frederick Rico, he's like such a delight, so much fun like talking to him last night, and he always compliments my outfits or fits as the kids say. Uh and uh my daughter told me I looked like a a flight attendant the other day, and I was like, Rico would like this outfit.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

So it's not for you, Evelyn. It's not for you.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Yeah, um, but just you know, just loving seeing that there is, you know, I I guess it's kind of my first time being around when we've hired additional people and just seeing like there is no limit, you know, to this. There continue to be people who get this and want this.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

And but do you say that the limit does not exist?

SPEAKER_00 32:34

To yeah, the people that I think can get it and and recognize it, what we're trying, you know, to genuinely achieve for the the people.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

Have you have you seen Mean Girls?

unknown 32:45

No.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Okay. I'm 0 for two on this point with dumb references.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Yeah, if it's not a baking show or um, yeah, some type of competition talent-based uh program, then like like, yeah, no. Have you seen the recent season of Inkmaster? No, no.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

Is that a tattoo show?

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

No, I reality has never been my bag. Like, I I will tell you, like, I feel like Love It Or Leave It, which is is it hooth to talk about other podcasts when you're on a podcast? Uh Love It or Leave It is uh Melissa and I have a shared love of John Lovett and Love It or Leave It, the a podcast that I've seen live four or five times. I love, I love that podcast. It's been kind of a bummer lately, but I guess the news is kind of a bummer. But uh John Lovett started a whole second podcast of about like a Bravo, Bravo related like interviews with Bravo people. My friend Shiaska, who's also been on this podcast, is in Vegas right now at BravoCon.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

Wow. Well, I learned two things. One, there are people that do that, and there's BravoCon.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

Yeah. I mean, I don't know if it's just like Vanderpump rules people in Summerhouse Santa Monica, like doing selfies. I don't know. Uh is that Summerhouse Santa Monica an actual show or is that a restaurant? Anyway, anyway, my point is is that uh yes, we're going back to the limit not existing.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

I think I'm realizing that more and more that we have more control over our fates than we, you know, with the business and whatnot. Just, you know, like adding, adding the live music was, you know, kind of a big step. And then, you know, the putting together the bread and butter band where I was like, you know, I just want you to play cool vibes. It just, you know, and like I'm like, oh, I've got a band playing my favorite type of music. You know, I'm got like, you know, of all these amazing people. I don't know, it just last night was very it was good.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

It was great. And I loved that like it was was just kind of doing day-to-day stuff, you know, all right up, you know, until and then it was just like this, you know, awesome thing that everybody came together to to pull off Renny, running circles around us, getting the office lit up and looking spectacular and the photo booth and all that stuff. So anyway, it just was definitely felt like we've been through a lot of various pain points over the past couple of years to try to get through to where we want to be. Last night was felt very much like a culmination of the, you know, the proof of concept that we can't have the version of the company that you envision, um, and that we still have, you know, areas to improve and room to grow. Ability to do that seems very realistic, just given the energy that I feel like we have flowing through the team right now. So that's very exciting to me. And and excites me because I talk to a lot of people who hire us. And just having that, you know, excitement on their behalf for the experience that they're gonna have feels really, you know, just makes my job so much easier.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, you know, and even just having all the vendors there last night was also very like, yes, you know, like seeing like, oh, we have a real thing.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

We have an office and we've had you know, yeah, it was really like the offices coming out party last night. Like just, you know, uh because you don't really see much in those front doors.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

So but I also think that like, you know, this job is in theory a very social job because you're DJing weddings, but you also it's a very lonely job because you do all the you do all of it by yourself and then you go and do it and you're just behind a table the whole time, which is I kind of my preferred place at parties is actually behind the table. I would always rather be working a party than attending it. Uh I actually danced last night, which I never do. I never I never go dancing. And I also am very embarrassed. I feel I'm very self-conscious about my dancing, and uh I know it's dumb. I I mean I dance behind the table, but I very rarely find myself in a in a dancing where I'm actually dancing. Yeah. So that was cool to be a part of that.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

The only time I'm not self-conscious. You know, where it's just like I can't help how that this I'm compelled, you know, to move. Like I'm not gonna try to stop it.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

Yeah. No, I I uh I deal with it basically, everybody multiple times.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

I was the only one like in front of the DJ dancing like a dork, and you know, it's like Well, they were doing such a great job.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

I mean, like, so I guess like what is the the like, you know, to anybody who's bored out of their mind listening to us talk about a party. Uh I mean, not sorry at all. I I just want to make sure that I'm not just uh humble bragging about how great my party was. But I do think that, you know, like it it was kind of the culmination of 20 years, you know, like had people that, you know, helped me out. Joan did such a great job. I got to talk about why I do this and you know, and I think that I think it's part of the reason why I love doing the online, the on-air pledge drives um for the radio station is because, you know, like when we're on when I'm on air and I'm doing like pitching and getting people and people come and they like I ask people on the microphone to give money and then they do, and then I get an email that says like Wendy in, you know, Palmer Square donated$25 or whatever. And it's like like seeing people do, you know, kind of remind you on why you do it, you know, because in many ways, you this is a very thankless job, you know all too well, you know, how running a company and dealing with employees and things like that. And so being able to like get and actually see the fruits of your labor is really rewarding, and especially when you work in the party world, like get and have a good party.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

It was truly terrific. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Uh Matt and I both popped the advice before we went to bed last night because we knew our bones would be extra rickety um this morning. Yeah, I was gonna like re- you know, like look at the questions again, and of course that was a dumb thing to have to try to put on myself um this past week. But, you know, the thing you're most proud of about the business you've built, would that feel like a nice way to tie up this week's episode or or do we just make this one about the party? What I'm most proud of about the business, you know, that you built.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

Yeah, well, I mean, I I do think that one of the th I think the thing I'm most proud of with this business is, you know, for the first three years or the first two years, it was only women that worked for me. And then uh I let one guy in, Dustin, who was great. He worked, he was the sole guy for eight years, and then I added another guy, Daniel. And so then he was they were the only two guys for another three years. And then in like 2018, it looks like I started adding like Chris and uh Tim and they're just other guys kind of came in, Anthony. And uh, but it was it's always been mostly women. And with very few exceptions, most of the women that came to work for me had never DJed a dance party, much less a wedding. Like they had like little, I mean they had to have some interest in music. It wasn't like, you know, it was just somebody that I picked off the street, but it was like, you know, people that and and they were a lot of times when I would be like, hey, you should, you should try, you should come work for me. Like, I can't do that. I can't do that. And then they won up being like the greatest DJ I've ever had. It's like it's more because I mean, I feel like in many ways, like the personality of the person is like if they're able to, if they seem like they're hardworking, the kind of people that can anticipate need that can come over and open the plastic thing while you're struggling with it. Um, you know, the people that are there in service of the day and just want to like make it go amazingly and like just like you know, like relish a job well done, that is more important to me than, you know, having sick DJ skills. Sick DJ skills can be can be trained, but the soft skills of service and you know, just getting it, that's hard, that's hard to find. And so I don't even know the number of it, but it's dozens of women that I brought into this job and I've trained them and taught them how to do this and given them access to this weird world. And and that is something that I I that's probably the thing. Because I even if they didn't DJ ever again after they left my my company, which most of them don't, I'm sure the skills that they have learned have passed on to whatever it is they're doing now. I I what I got to thank uh Sean Campbell, who has also been on this podcast. Uh Sean Campbell, I got to thank her. She actually I she was supposed to come to the party, she didn't, but I did give her a very special shout-out because she made this community radio station. Well, she didn't make the station, but she was running the station that I was working at, where that was that I was the first place that I ever volunteered. And it was, you know, because she uh created a space where uh anybody women could come in, anybody could come in, but that seeing other women doing it helped me uh feel like it was something I could do. And uh, and then I got the skills to, you know, be able to understand how to go between the songs and do good crossfades and keep it, you know, thematically working and then changing it so you you have to change the vibe constantly. So I mean, I I learned so many skills that I use all the time, you know, and I don't know, it's you realize that you're just the culmination of every experience that's happened to you, you know. And if you've and if you're open to things, if you are like I think like I'm always thinking, people are like the weirdest things always happen to you, and the weirdest things always do happen to me. But I think the weirdest things are happening to everybody all the time. I just think some people are just not as good at seeing it. Like I am, I'm just willing to look and I'm out, you know, when I see something weird, I'm like, oh, what's that? Like that's interesting, that's different from what's happening here.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Definitely. I definitely think that that is true about you. And even to the degree that we are here because a person asked you if you were up for something and you said yes, you know, like there's a lot of people that would not have said yes. And so it's your, you know, open-mindedness, your curiosity, your, you know, eagerness to understand and and I can Mary do this, you know, that that whole thing. Can I can I host a dance party for women of a certain age and find venues that would want that to have happen and then also do that, you know? It's like this um, yeah, uh you have a particular drive to kind of keep finding the edges of what you know you can succeed at. And I think that's super cool. And of course, that I think is a primary factor in why you end up having so many interesting things happen to you. You know, they they sort of feed into each other. So, but yeah, I mean, it all starts with your, you know, kind of openness to trying things out and seeing what happens.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

Yeah, I I actually today I got a text message from a a mom in the neighborhood who's she actually was the one who texted me in the first place through another friend of mine to see if I would do these women dance parties. And she had sent over the link about the early birds, which was the you know, the thing I had seen about it. And so, I mean, that's you know, kind of how it all started. So it's like, I don't know. I just I think I get mired in the muck a lot. And uh, you know, we should be having more parties, is basically I should definitely have more parties.

SPEAKER_00 43:48

Like if I came away from uh, you know, I I often say to couples like, you know, this is is a really important part of your entire experience because When do you get to hire a DJ again in your life? You know, like it's really not something that comes up that often. And at that, when, you know, can you hire a really freaking awesome one? So the fact that we have access to all of these incredibly talented people that, you know, could be coming in and sharing that. I mean, definitely think that we should have a more regular just DJ showcase. You know, I think there's always that I was talking to Scott about this last night, that kind of like you don't want to it's tricky. Actually, I I feel like I I stumbled on kind of an interesting analogy in talking to him about um interior design and how like if you you're really good at Photoshop and you can really make this incredible rendering and like show somebody basically exactly what you know their space is gonna look like um at the end of the day, you are putting handcuffs on yourself because things will come up that will require you to deviate from that. And then ultimately not, you know, like if it doesn't match what you said you were gonna do, then you know, you're creating either a disappointment in your client because they don't like what you ended up doing as well as what you said you were going to, or you know, you just uh have an opportunity to do something better and you've had to, you know, sort of stick to the plan because that's what you your client committed to.

SPEAKER_02 45:15

And so, you know, kind of that's most people don't sorry, and most people don't have the the imagination to even see that the the thing you did go outside the lines on was actually better. It just didn't look like the thing they thought it was going to be, so they can't even accept. So I mean it's kind of like people like, can I just give you a playlist and you just go in this order?

SPEAKER_00 45:33

And it's like, no, I I that was my breakthrough, you know, with that analogy where I was kind of like, no, this totally is the same. Like, and you don't you don't want to do that to your your DJ either. And that's I think what has always been our hesitation about having like, you know, videos or playlists of not playlists, but uh demos of DJs mixing and stuff like that, is because it is like giving your client a rendering, you know, and it's like your event might not be this actually, but you're you know, by by sort of putting those constraints on it might not be as awesome as it could be. It's the surprise and delight. I don't want people to come.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

And oh, they're gonna play can at my wedding. And it's like because I mean I would because I would feel like it the like if I was doing it, you know, if I was doing a set, if I'm doing a set as a showcase, I want to play what I want to play. Yeah, you know, I don't necessarily want to not that I don't want to play Dua Lipa, but like, you know, if I'm playing what I want to play, I mean it it's you know, yeah the rate what I play on my radio show plus Taylor Swift, which I won't play at my on my radio show. I mean, I I have occasionally, but not as much as I probably could. Anyway, um, I show restraint. But it's I think that it also you lose the like the surprise and delight, I think, is an element that is the spice of life in many ways. But it's also like when, you know, if the client's like, you can only play these songs, you're not giving us the ability to like blow your mind with something because everything's anticipated. You're not willing to, you know, like be, you know, like amazed that you came up with this other idea, like when they gave you all of their ideas and you're like, wow, like they don't re I think they don't realize this, but they probably really like this type of music. And like, you know, and I'll and what's great about having the flexibility is you can like throw one in during dinner and then see if anyone's heads perk up. And if you see some heads perk up, you're like, okay, I now have that genre in my toolbox now. And it's like, you know, and I think this is also part of like what I feel we do at Toast and Jam is like seeing how every single part of the night feeds into the other one. So like the DJs aren't just like ticking their and looking at their watch and waiting for it to be dance time. Like we, every single part is as important as every other part. So then if any of that goes south, like that fucks up the dance set. So, you know, that's why we care about ceremony and care about cocktail music and care about dinner music and care about how we're structuring the toast into the cake cutting into this, because we want to keep everything going on a on a good trajectory so that when you finally get to the dance set, everyone's in a good mood because nothing got off to off schedule. And, you know, every the the everything feels well timed. No one's like sitting around wondering. Like I hate it when like the kitchen's running slow and you can tell that the energy in the room is just like, what's happening next? We've been sitting here for too long, and it's like, but you haven't gotten your entrees yet, or like the whole room hasn't gotten their entrees yet, or whatever. And it's like you can't start dancing until the food's over. But it and no one understands that. And it's you know, so it's like if I can affect the food coming out any faster, I will because that's just gonna make my dance set go better. Being a team player and all of that.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

But yeah, so I think we should have more parties for sure. And uh we'll just have to tell people, you know, when they come in, like this is a no-judgment zone. These people can do anything but enjoy what they're gonna do for you this night, you know.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

I mean, it could be for other customer other it could be for a like a client showcase, but it could also just be, you know, like a networking party that's not even wedding related. And we've got DJs DJing the networking party and you know, get the bread and butter band to come on in and for their reunion already. Oh my god, they were so good. They were so good. Really great. All right. Have we done it? We did it. Another episode in the can. Well, Melissa, thank you so much for coming on a day and you know, bringing your bringing your beanie into my screen. Everybody out there, thanks so much for tuning in and listening. I'm gonna say some things I hear on other podcasts. Uh, you should be liking and subscribing. Uh smash that subscribe button if you like to write reviews. Apparently, reviews are also very great. And so you can write those on your your five-star reviews on places. And come back next week for more deep dives into my lady business.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

That's what it's all about, Mary. It's really why we're here.

SPEAKER_02 49:51

Dives into my business. Yes. Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to All of In My Lady Business with me, Mary Macy. Uh, we'd love for you to like, review, subscribe, follow us at Olive in My Lady Business on the RAM. And if you're a female identifying person and you want to dance, you can follow. I mean, everybody can follow us, but if you want to be a part of the magic at hot slash dance party, sign up for the many to find out where our next party's gonna be. And if you are looking for a DJ in the area or anywhere else, you know, money's the same color everywhere. Buy us out. Tokenands.com has the best. And listen to my radio show. I have a radio show on TripRadio at tripradio.org. That's Mondays. Every Monday we call Tokyo and C Speed. Today's episode is produced by Shiraz Data theme song, composed and performed by Shiraz Data. Alright, guys, peace out.