Made for Change with Dr. Janny Chang

Ep. 16: Interview with Andrea Sasha Ortiz on How to Know When to Leave Your Job

October 21, 2022 Dr. Janny Chang
Made for Change with Dr. Janny Chang
Ep. 16: Interview with Andrea Sasha Ortiz on How to Know When to Leave Your Job
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Join me as I interview Andrea Sasha Ortiz as we talk about ALL the things, including parenting, self care, how to treat yourself well, boundaries, toxic workplaces, and how to know when to leave your job. 

Andrea Sasha Ortiz is a fifth-year doctoral candidate in clinical psychology and is the reigning International Ms. Texas 2021, a role in which she serves as an ambassador, speaker and advocate. Her primary purpose is to inspire and empower women through her community service initiative, E^3: Economic Empowerment through Entrepreneurship. While studying at UNT, she collaborated with members of the UNT System Board of Regents to launch the Interdisciplinary Mentorship Program and served as vice president of Marketing and Communications and sitting president of the Graduate Student Council.

You can find her on social media at the following handles: 
G: @sasha.the.socialite

FB: @internationalMsTexas

Hi, hello. Hello. Good morning. Good morning. We have a wonderful guest with us, Andrea Sasha Ortiz, who goes by Sasha and I met her an event. She was so dynamic and charismatic. And she gave a presentation that was so inspiring to me that I thought I want to interview her. And I think that she has so much to share that will inspire my friends here. So with that I wanted to get started. And I wanted to just introduce and would you like to say Hi, Sasha.

Hello, good morning. Nice to talk to y'all slash be here. First of all, I'm honored. Thank you so much for having me on your show. And it's a it's a pleasure always to meet new people as well as to share. So I'm a native of Dallas, Texas. I'm from this area I live in Dallas right now haven't brakes and segways in between along the way. But I'm a native of Dallas, and I'm

born and brought up in this area came from a really great family and my my parents are entrepreneurs. My mother is in real estate development and mortgage banking and construction management. So we've got like a little

I guess they have a little monopoly, if you will, on on construction management, or Texas, which, if you're from Texas, you know, there's always construction happening, like oh,

no, I can't wait for the construction. And I'm like pebble happened.

I noticed that and we lived in Houston too. And I was like there's always construction 1000s Even more, because it's oh gosh, yes. Because we're spread out. So yes, we don't have any water, you know, giving us up here in North Central Texas. So growing up, you know, I spent a lot of time shadowing my mom, I was her first unofficial secretary, you know, type of legal documents, file papers, answer phones, sign for packages, and I'm talking I'm like six and seven doing this. So so people when they would come to her office, they're like, oh, I need to get an adult. And I'm like, No, actually, you'd be talking with me. So

bright minds to be the PR person, so to speak for my entire life. And so it's funny because I have no connection to the family business, my siblings all work with my mom. And so I'm the only one who kind of just like egg, but find my own path. So anyway, I just grew up in North Texas, and then left here and went to college on the East Coast, and then kind of made my way back around to the West Coast. And by I will say synchronicity brought me back to Dallas in 2018. And I'm currently getting my PhD in clinical psych at human t. So

when I met Janny, I was speaking at my Columbia Alumni Association's one of our first events we've had in person since the pandemic kind of knocked everybody out of in person. So

that's kind of my whatever, in a nutshell. You shared some really wise stories and nuggets during the fence where you gave it a presentation. And I was just so struck, you know, and I was like, Oh my gosh, like we really it'd be great to have you share that with our listeners. So tell me about how you kind of got into the mental health field. And so you mean clinical psychology PhD? That's, it's a big commitment, you know, and so how did you get into this area? So, um, thanks. That's a great question. Um, it's a boring answer, though. But I, I've always been interested in mental health and psychology. I literally I remember when I was five years old, I told my mom and dad actually I'm gonna be a psychologist when I grow up and you're like, how do you know what that means? And what does that mean to you? And so because I remember I was the kid answering the phone. So me and my parents have these types of conversations. And so I declared my major at the age of five, I went


I went to my local library and I in the summertime I grind

My mother and I'm very

big on literacy and reading and speaking multiple languages. And so she would take us to the library. And so I would always choose the psychology section. And I remember one summer I literally read my way through the psychology section of the lot the public library. And so after that the librarian when she'd get new stuff in like encyclopedias or magazines, or books about mental health, she'd just say, Hey, I set this aside for you, you know, I thought you may want to check it out, or I got these puzzles, or this brain anatomy book. And so I just always was fascinated with the, with the human brain with the central nervous system. And so of course, by the time I got, well, I should I should pause. So what happened in between kindergarten and college was, I was fortunate to go to really great local private schools, and being educated in an environment we,

I think, had kind of, uh, access to certain types of teachers and other students from, you know, very eclectic backgrounds. And so I was always the person chosen to be like a peer mediator or a study buddy or someone, like if there's a new student who I'm like, Oh, they can sit with me and all like, you know, show them around. We're like a peer mentor. So I was always kind of in those roles or asked to, you know, be in them. And I always said, Yes, being the new kid or standing out in in some way. So I know what it's like to be different. And to go to school and to want to fit in, but at the same time, you know, want to be proud of being yourself. So, you know, I'm a six foot tall woman, for example,

noticeable when people meet me, they're like, Wow, you're really really tall. I'm like, Well, I'm usually wearing heels. So I'm usually about 60. By the time they're telling me that, so yes, I know.

I'm like six feet, too. And I'm Asian.

Asian woman, it's like, no.

Stereotypes, right? It's like that doesn't, that we exist in all forms and all, you know, shapes and cultures and and all that. And so yes. So I was always a student who wanted to know about other people. And so that curiosity and love for people stuck with me, obviously. And then when I went to college, my first week, the first week, we could rather I was like, I'm going to the registrar, and I'm declaring my major. And she's like, Well, are you sure you want to do that? Because most students wait until second year, I'm like, Nope, this is the only reason I'm here.

I just stuck with it. And I am. It's funny. I'm actually the only clinician I know who all three of my degrees are in psychology. So

Oh, my god, yeah, I really love

psychology. And to be clear, I've learned along the way when I studied, studied, I started off studying the brain. Um, psychology is actually the study of the soul. And so that plays heavily into you know, what I know we're gonna get into today, but I want to put that out there. For listeners that psychology is in all of us. And it's the best psychologists in the world issue. Because if you reflect daily and take that time to study your own

soul to know, what's in your mind and your body and how those interactions are impacting you, you know, you get a whole education on yourself. So that's my piece about education that's totally free. rather wait and cost you the thing that you're on time and energy with yourself, though, y'all get that education study, University of you. Oh, I love that University of you. Yes. Study of the soul. Oh, my gosh, that is so key. Because you don't need a fancy mediator or something to help you. I mean, what doesn't mean that it doesn't help but it's constantly reflecting inward, right? That's kind of a lifelong journey. For sure. And then I want to clarify, you know, mental health professionals, obviously, we all see the pandemic in the post quarantine life and how that's unfolding. Before my colleagues jumped down my throat if they hear this, to clarify, yes, mental health professionals are essential were essential workers to that I find that clients who come to therapy or counseling, coaching, consulting, they're I call them the three C's. So whichever of those you're falling into, and you're relating to another human being, you're seeking something from them, right, some form of support, it's essential that a person have a degree of self awareness and understanding, right, because that's kind of what informed our interaction

with your boss, with your colleagues, with your children with yourself, your parents, your neighbors. We're having human experience, y'all. And so you know, having some self awareness knowing how do I behave when I'm hungry and tired?

Is hangry a real thing for me? What can I do about it? Hi, you know, I know I get hangry my

because I carry a snack pack on me. Like, you know, you're just like, I'm like I am someone's mom, first of all, because like, Oh, you're like someone's mom. And I'm like, Oh, I am

It's my own mom.

I gotta regulate me if I want to teach for human being right? I love that. Yeah, Danny's a mom. So she knows, yeah, be able to show them because they don't do what we say they do what we do so, yeah, self awareness is just about those little things, because you feel them saying that it's gonna form our day to day with each other as human. That is so true. Because I think I find Yeah, if I'm, like, hangry, or I'm activated, like if I'm somehow activated, not regulating myself that I'm more likely I'm like, yelling at my kids, you know, causes me to like, shame myself, Oh, I shouldn't be yelling, but it's like, instead of just kind of, you know, how do we go ahead and just turn inward and build a relationship with myself? Even if I've done something that, you know, I'm not proud of, you know, but, but also recognizing that I was activated in that moment. But then now, how do I move forward? You know, and so it's like, all of that is so related to really me, right? It's like, whatever really issue I'm having someone else is really related. Somehow back to me, my upbringing, my own fears and insecurities and what I'm also physically experiencing in that moment. So, yeah, yes, that's such a great point to say, you know, when people you know, all the time they hear psychologists, and they think, oh, you know, let's go blame our parents. And it's like, no, actually, it's not about blaming them. It's actually showing respect to our ancestry to our heritage to our family tree as a whole. Because people learn, like I said, children learn what to do. They don't do what we say. It's just words, right? So if we tell our children, for instance, Don't raise your voice, don't yell and scream in the house. But when we get upset, we say, oh, my gosh, stop, you know, we yell or we scream. Don't turn around next week and be upset when your kids yells and screams. And then when they call you and say, Hey, but Mom, you yelled and screamed the other day. And your man or don't be that parents. It's like, oh, that's disrespectful. It's like, why? Because they told you that you

need to hit dog hollers. So we watch what you do, and they pick up on your energy. So like, whatever it is, if you're not calm, or you know, you haven't taken the time to really do that self care, right? And you're not in that space of calm and openness, then I think people can sense that even children, right? We're very smart. Sure.

Yes, I'm not sure what the central nervous system, what is your work on that? What is your understanding of that? And how does it relate to,

you know, that study of the soul. So the easiest way to put it is your central nervous system is what regulates your fight or flight response. And there's four responses there's fight, flight, freeze, or fun. So when we're faced with an adversity or challenge, an obstacle or problem, danger, even we, part of us our central nervous system gets activated, and that's based on the balance of what's called your HPA axis, your hypothalamus, your pituitary gland in your adrenal system. They've heard of an adrenaline rush, your adrenal system produces adrenaline, and that impacts parts of your body in different ways. So it's what makes your hair stand on it ever had your your hairs on your arms kind of just get prickly or you can go into a really cold room, you notice little goosebumps pop up. That's your central nervous system, in its own primitive wisdom, saying, Oh, I'm cold, I'm uncomfortable, right or up, something's off. Are you ever gone in a situation and your gut turns a flip? And you're like, huh, I don't know about that. Or you made a person in that happens, right? So that's your central nervous system. And it's talking to you all the time. But when you're out of touch with yourself, when you're out of balance with yourself and your world around you, maybe because you haven't been sleeping enough, because you haven't been eating healthy or eating enough healthy stuff. Because you're not surrounded by supportive loving environments, and people who haven't been able to take time to put energy and self care into you. You know, when you have those things out of balance, sometimes you can go into a situation and your body, your central nervous system say nope, you just ignore it. And you keep going. Yes, right. And you know, we've all been in a situation right of some sort that may have resulted in a problem happening or something bad or even a trauma happening. And so your central nervous system, how I deal with that as a person who studies the soul is helping people understand how those moments define how they internalize stress, how they heal from stress and how they find resiliency and strength to thrive past the stress or trauma or whatever it is. Yeah, that's so Oh, I love the way you summarized

the perfect amount of geekiness

to get too technical, no, it was like just in explained it so well, but sometimes it can you can get into the scientific little too much but this was like perfectly said, but I wanted to know how that shows at the workplace. So you know

What I do is I do a lot of career coaching, working with workplace traumas, and especially in the fields of like nonprofit and academia, which has dysfunctional structures. I mean, it's just like the way that's very any cool. And they're, it's the, it's the legacy of historical structural inequities in these particular workplaces. And you add on top of that, you know, the stress of, you know, a mission driven, like for nonprofit sectors, people that are very devoted to their mission, and dealing with kind of difficult circumstances serving people that are homeless, or people that are unhoused, or serving people that are dealing with difficult life circumstances are very stressful as well, right? servicing those people. And in academia, you know, you're dealing with publish or perish, and you deal with the tenure track and the politics, you know, so how, for my, you know, listeners that are feeling stressed at work, you know, what are some things that they can do, and not just the self care strategies, but like, you know, what is something that can be really, that they should really be asking themselves, you know, in those moments when, you know, and it's usually over a long period of time that they've kind of been activated. Right. So what can we do in those moments? Yeah. Another great question. I'll say this, for starters, at higher education is not for the faint of heart. Dr. Janney knows she She's a doctor herself as well. It's not, it's not for everyone. There's a reason that it is called inequities. Put a pin in that for just a second. The fact that we're 1% of the human population that's getting education at this level. So there's a reason why nine out of 100 people that you'll ever meet said, No, thanks. So when you're in a 1% category of anything in life, some people can tell you it's a lonely at the top, what does that mean?

Sacrifice, you're going to sacrifice your time and your energy for milestones in life for

even achievements may be that you may or may not ever have, because you might have to delay certain parts of adulthood in order in exchange for because we're all exchanging our time for something right. So some of us choose to go exchange our time for money and getting careers right after college, some of us choose to keep pursuing the education, because of maybe we're in a field that requires technical knowledge, or that requires a certain degree of education and academic rigor in order to prove like if you're in a medical field, for instance, you want us to go to school all this time, but there's a price to pay. And so what's that price and as a woman of color, in America, for me, it meant learning how to juggle learning how to juggle the isms that you're going to encounter everywhere. But in higher ed, they're more in my experience, they're more covert, which makes them harder, actually, politically, if you want to talk about that to navigate, because we say we don't do these things to each other. But again, we will don't watch what I say, watch what I don't listen to what I say, watch what I do, right? Or vote. And so in higher ed, and there can be this tendency to put I put myself off, I put myself aside that gut feeling we talked about silence, and I don't listen to it, when it's telling me to let go of this sort of quit or do something else. I just keep pushing through a little more. And more and more more and more every semester that goes by and look, you turn around and you're at your UCC, your finish line and you're burned out. You don't care anymore, you're you know, yeah, that's such a good point. And I was actually talking to friend about this the other day, is that I think, and you're getting a PhD, too, I think, you know, advanced degrees graduate degrees, it tends to draw people that are also ambitious, right and type.

You love to learn and you're idealistic, you want to change the world with that knowledge. This is why you are exchanging right things for this particular and making sacrifices for this degree. Right? You want to help humanity, right? And so but it draws this type of overachiever type a bubble where you're like, I am going to finish.

Or I'm going to do this right. And then the industry, the field itself, I think then also brings it out of you, you just meet each goal and then you aim for the next goal without really even thinking much without much introspection is what I should say, right until, until you burn out or something happens and you're just really confused. And like you said, so much of it is covert, and I think at the workplace as well. A lot of times when you're looking at immigrants or women of color, you don't know what that path looks like unless you have a really good mentor or really good support system to help guide the way or you had parents who really knew that particular path but if you don't like myself, I was a first generation immigrant person to pursue then you just you feel triggered. You can feel very activated like fearful like constantly

In flight or fight. And so I guess my question is because we do want to finish, and we do want to be overcharged, we're drawn to this and for very good reason. And then on top of that, like you're also conditioned in that environment to achieve How do you know? How do you know when it's time to quit? How do you know when it's time to make a change? How do you know how to listen to yourself? Well, for starters, all say, you, you know how to listen to yourself, because you start where you are. I know that sounds kind of simple, but it's true. Start small, except you're driving home from getting gas in your car and grocery store, something you know, you do routinely, consistently. Pick your kids up, I don't know, test yourself by saying I'm going to go a different route from home, I'm not going to use my GPS. Now, don't make left turns instead of right turns, come on, y'all. But try navigating your way back home, just off of what your gut feeling tells you something small, or maybe it's even on a weekend, when maybe you have a day off on your day off. Instead of getting up and going nonstop or jumping straight on your phone and said Take five minutes, set a timer if you need to just literally breathe and stare at the ceiling and be in your body. And then ask your body what does it need. So maybe you get up and maybe you don't need a cup of coffee, maybe your brain said go for a walk. Just do it. And then maybe after you go for a walk your brains like feed me. So instead of normal, we go take a shower and do this with the kids know that Hey, kids, there's some cereal, I'm gonna go feed me and I'm gonna, you know, spend a whole day if you can, as much of any day as you can, listening to those still messages your body in your mind, send you and then see at the end of your day, before you go to bed, take another five minutes, set a timer, and be in your body and ask your body. How did I treat you today? Ask your mind. What did you learn today? What did you unload? What do you need to unload today? And then ask your spirit. What do you want to tell me? What did we pick up or go up today? So that's getting it? How do you know when to quit? Quitting is hard to do. Because in Western culture and American North American society, and if you're a type A person or a recovering type A or ongoing recovering

as a person, or you're a first generation or you're a fifth generation you have and that's man, someone the other day said the first and the last tend to have the same burden. Yeah. So if you're the oldest child like me, and maybe you're your parents youngest child, you have the same burden actually interesting. Yes. And if you are a first generation student versus a fifth generation student, you have the same burden on you, because your family says we have a legacy. And it's on you to change it, be it, carry it forward and do something new that we never did, or do something we've all done and do it well enough that you add to whatever it is we're all building with our family name, right. So when you talk about quitting,

to a person who fits a certain descriptions, if you're a minority in any regard, quitting can be hard. If you are a person with a disability of any sort, quitting can be really hard.

If you are breathing, quitting can be really hard. So how do you do it? You take inventory, ask yourself, you know, what have I loved about this? What did where did that love of this thing? This idea? This person has placed this thing take me? And did I get everything I came for with this? Or is there still something left for me to have not been in a relationship? How do you quit a relationship? You ask yourself? Are we still both growing? Or is there more growth that I am willing to do in order for this to keep growing or going? And do they what's what's their answer? If it's like a no I think I'm okay with the way I am now. It's okay for me to the maybe it's over. So relationship, a career. That's one of the things I do as a consultant in my have a business a consulting business problem more a Spanish or Italian for love. And so, more than consulting is about I want to do is I hope, high purpose high performing professionals, usually after CEOs CFOs those are the three that tend to come to me handful of attorneys. They usually are like, No, I just needed to talk to you one time that other people kind of stay a little longer. And other PhDs come to me when they're like

I'm making more money than I've ever made and I have live in the dream but I'm not happy with and I fought like my entire career my entire life or the XYZ years getting this degree and I haven't I don't want to do this anymore. How do I quit like

What the heck's wrong with me? And they pay me basically to hold up a mirror to them and say, look at yourself, that's why you need to quit. Are you happy? Is your support system still supporting this? Or do you have people around you who are willing to stand? And how much of your time is it costing you? How much time are you spending, forcing yourself to do it versus enjoying while doing it? Because remember, back when you were having fun time was flying by. But now that you're not, you're just like you said white knuckling every step of the way. And you're like, Oh, my God, I can't get in the car to drive to that office. When we're a day, then don't because you're eating your energy. What is it costing you, like you said, now you're yelling at your kids. Now, you're not walking your dog very frequently. Now you have a headache and a stomach ache and a backache. And finally, Emma hits you in the pockets, it cost you your money.

If you notice, I just got a s t e n stem. That's my stem theory. In a nutshell, that's how you quit. You grow from where you are using the resources you have around you. And if you talk to your friends and family, they'll tell you the truth that you see one happier dab.

No one's gonna be mad at you if you quit. Sometimes you got to give yourself permission, though to listen to your Mind, Body Spirit telling you listen, we get anxiety on the way to that chalk, make a left and not a right.

If you're feeling more negative about it than positive. So in American culture, quitting is hard. Because a lot of the time we're taught that that's a form of failure. And so the top remedy to make quitting easier today for you right now, is this remember that failure is not showing up at all. failures, not showing up not trying not doing anything? My main client base who comes to me, what do I teach them how to do this? I said, well let it go. And I'm like, what, and I'm like, I know when you know that you have a million years accrued paid time off.

Here's what you're gonna do pack a bag, put your phone into airplane mode, notify the family, here's my room number, call the room phone union, because I'm gonna go stay somewhere by myself. I'm gonna take a vacation or have a staycation. But step away from the environment that you're questioning of the theme. Whatever it is the person place thing or idea step away from it, take a break like this, let it go.

For a brief interval of time, and in that time, ask yourself if I don't show up for this again, what am I letting go of? Is it a reputation? Is it an expectation? Is it my family history? Is it this pressure I feel to to do something that my family sent me here to do? Do I have a community you know, and a lot of the time when we really get to find those answers, it's like no work, you know, I did do that at first. And I'm past that. And it's like, I don't think your parents are gonna say your failure. If you decide that you want to switch majors or that you decide that, yes, I have that lovely MBA degree. But I think I want to open up an art gallery, I don't think I'm gonna ever work in corporate America, Mom and Dad, I'm going to use my MBA in a different way. Maybe you have to get creative. But the bottom line is you start to live authentically, because it's no longer about these external pressures, or factors. Because that will zap your stem it's not real. Right? When we're operating on on a wall I'm supposed to, it's not real.

So the other piece is schedule. regularly scheduled self care, we have no problem scheduling ourselves to do stuff, in fuse in between their time to not do stuff. Even if it's every hour on the hour. It's 7058058, you know, 905, and so on. From 905 to 910. I take a break, I just stop what I'm doing. Maybe I just stop and I breathe. Maybe I walk around the building or maybe do something. But you're taking the time to check in with yourself and then you schedule it on your planner to or your whatever you use to keep your life in order. Just like you schedule. I have class from eight to 10 I have lunch from 11 to 12. I have this and isn't it scheduled time for the pleasurable things in mind if you're very personal time with your partner with you. If you're a mom quality time or a dad or any type of parents quality time with your little ones individually, by the way, please. I'm one to five so come on, y'all know the group effort No, not always scheduled. They secure their one on one time.

They want one on one time they will keep fighting for it until you give it and then finally you talked about with all from one accomplishment to the next y'all stop and enjoy it. Even if it's for a day. Like the day after like I was grad student council president last year. So I represented 11,000 students at u n t so I got the the pleasure and privilege of going to every graduation and being on the

Sage is participating. And one thing I noticed after we after graduation all three times was, I literally had to take the whole next step I was so energetically wiped out. Because I'm sitting on a platform in front of like 2000 people are having to speak to 2000 people. That's before we talk about who's tuning in online. And it's like, and you wonder why you're tattered. And then you go, Oh, I graduated Saturday or Sunday, I'm moving to wherever to start my MBA degree in January. And it's like, oh, the day after you graduate, take the day into pain, let it sink in. And oh, my gosh, I just did the thing.

Because that's what's gonna keep you from doing more and more things and burning out. And

yeah, I love it. One of the things that I do work on with my clients is this idea of resting, right. And I know that we all know, rest, we think we know rest

is hard. I know, your client and my client base are very similar, like type a very smart, ambitious, you know, women or men. But, you know, I think it's interesting, because we're not used to truly rejuvenating like,

you like, it can be really hard to sit still and not do anything. You know, I think in my opinion, where I was brought up was that idea that, you know, being idle is like, not a good thing.

You'll see her she's in her 70s. And she's just like always doing going, going, going going. And and then it wasn't until she had a pulmonary embolism. She got sick, and she really had to slow down. And then my dad was recently had a stroke. And so it's like they've, you know, worked their whole lives. And they're just so used to going, going going, and I think I was kind of brought up and I still see myself, I'm still kind of also, you know, recovering from that making an effort, I really have to make an effort to slow down and like you said, rest. You're so right, because no, there is a huge difference between resting and sitting still.

True story um, before way before the pandemic, I was an in home counselor, I used to go to people's houses because they had serious mental illnesses. And I had to give them therapy in their living rooms literally didn't matter which were your living room was or what it looked like I came to your house. And in the midst of that work, I became pregnant with my son and my ex husband and I had my son and

a weird thing happened. I already had this practice, but it was sporadic. But when when I started working in home, I started coming home and spending a whole hour of my day in total silence. Literally where I was like, it didn't matter if I was listening to calming music, sometimes I would obviously fall asleep and take a nap. But I would spend one hour of my day I would turn off the phone literally tell people if you have an emergency dial 911 Because I'm turning off this phone.

I'm not even going to be funny, all political stuff aside. It's like Chick fil A, why do we live? Why does America overwhelmingly love Chick fil A, because there's one day a week, it's really not a secret. If it's really genius, actually, we should all especially if you're single, it's how you make someone miss you take a day off, like be go goes for a whole day or for an hour of your day. And people will appreciate you that much more when you give back. That's number one, but you appreciate your own time more because you know, even if I work, you know from eight to 11. And then again, I pick it up from one to five. The siesta is a real thing. Yeah, I'm Latina. So that's part of this. Yes, those practice though. Take a break, you're not productive when you barrel through and go go go. So if mom has a heart issue, or dad has some issues with blood pressure, or respiratory or whatever it is, start noticing that in your young healthy body or your your body while it's healthy, or healthy enough, so that as you age, because we all well. It's a beautiful process. Now I promise that if we're lucky, certain cultures getting older is a blessing, it's considered you have been a good soul and lived a great life. So take care of your body all stop when you need to because you don't get a prize later for being laid up. And you can't function and that's when it's going to sit because you don't have anything to do but sit still and reflect on saying I should have taken more time off I should have probably not work through the weekend all those times because that's what happens to you when you if you ever have it had a health scare or life threatening illness or life event that's occurred you know, you begin to really appreciate your health and your time better because you start to realize it's not promised to you it's a blessing you can have that blessing can be anything it's not religious. It's literally called the universe if you want giving you the gift of good health, we assume that we have the right to get up and walk around and do things there are people who cannot walk. We assume that we're going to be able to go jogging or go dancing or dress a certain way or you know whatever for the right

Most of our lives but it may not be so you can have a life event and we're talking about mental health, you can have a life event that's that's touches you spiritually and emotionally in a way that the world cannot see that that you're carrying with you every day. And your mind and your body are a thing and they're a unit, they're connected. So you may not see it today, but five years from now, 10 years from now, all that white knuckling

that you did to get through that PhD to get through that MBA through law school med school to get that top CEO position to be the best that everything because you're ambitious and you're type A that cause everything. Just make sure that whatever you are investing your time in because time is your currency. That's the cool thing. The Universe said here will will equalize all the isms right here right now you all get 24 hours go.

And every time you wake up again, by the way, that's when your 24 hours resets or whatever, it doesn't have to be right at midnight, but whenever you wake up the next day, that's your your someone told me once Be careful what you listen to whatever alarm clock you have, because that's your life soundtrack. If you think about it, like a song come like when you watch a show when it what's the theme song.

Me I listened to really like I have this thing on my phone that's really calling music comes on. And I'm like, if somebody made a show about me, how would I want the theme song? Not alarm clock and

you get up and then you have that 24 hour reset? It's okay. What am I going to do with it? Because you have to live each moment like this could be it, y'all this is the show there's no dress rehearsal, that I remember when you said that I love it. It's so true. We are just passing through this one time.

If you do it right.

But But no matter no matter,

you have to do it. Hopefully not more than too many. The moral of it is taking care of yourself. Because when I hear for myself, I'm a great mom to my son. When I take care of myself, I have strong boundaries with my patients and clients. When I listen to my body about what it needs, I'm more able to be empathic about the person in front of me is pain in their body. Right? So it's not just about, oh, I'm doing my nails done, I'm gonna, you know, have a bubble bath or it's not necessarily

these handling the cost of money. self care is really about the boundary you have with yourself about what you need to stop when you need to say no, when you need to say yes, more needy, more pleasure in your life. Maybe it's the opposite. Maybe you're someone who works, works, works, works works. And you're like, I'm not gonna date anybody. I'm not gonna, you know, I don't need any of that in my life. I gotta flip this. And it's like, but you're lashing out at people every Friday at work because they're going out and you're going home alone. Maybe you should get out and date maybe you should take yourself on a date. You don't have to have a plus one. Take yourself to the movies. What's your favorite restaurant you want to try? I call it my sushi passport. I'm on a quest, I have to try every good sushi place in Dallas. And so far, I've got a lot of cool stands in my sushi passport. So I don't mind going on a mean date. I do have a boyfriend but I hear you Oh, who's behind you that unlike me, I took myself on a date. And at first he used to think I was like yeah, she's clearly got some other guy and I'm like, No, I really just do these things for myself. So anybody who's listening to that too, like you really want to get someone in your life attracted who values your time value your own time yourself. Treat yourself first how you want your partner your future whoever children, everyone around you to treat you and watch your life change. Yes, exactly. That's a priority looping that we don't often think about I think is like our relationship with ourselves primary and that affects everything like you said all your other relationships that is so true. Speaking of boundaries, because that's something I also work with with my clients I want to know about your I'm sure you work a lot with that with your clients too. I want to know kind of what your experience with that is and what is it that you help your clients with establishing boundaries when it comes to work? I'll tell you this boundaries its people always say when it comes to work, but actually that's the thing about humans we don't tend to change so what you do in private with yourself and then any other human on this planet is probably how you're just kind of be that's how they treat themselves. It's not personal that's them so if that's you if you're still at oh I'm sorry you know you ever had the person's like please not before you come in my office. It's because of you barge in their office they wouldn't care. So boundaries are not just for work or home you know boundaries are they start with you. My grandmother always says charity begins in the home, having a set schedule and not veering to the right or left of that. How do you do that you structure unstructured time into

of the schedule. So tell me a bit about boundaries. I know you and I both work with clients on boundaries, the workplace. What does it mean to you? And how do you work with your clients on boundaries. Um, I believe that people's boundaries,

they don't exist in a container or vacuum, they kind of people don't tend to change over the course of time or spaces. So if you're someone who jumps up out of the bed, texting straightaway drinking coffee while driving down the street, with your music, blasting and yelling at your kids at the same time, you're probably the person who also walks into people's offices and ask them to signs up while they're on the phone. You don't mind butting in, like, you might be that person. And so if you're that person, and other people are that way with you, you're kind of getting a message. So I tell people start with yourself. So be your own kind of internal litmus of one, how do I want to be treated. So start with giving yourself healthy boundaries that your own time and space. So one thing that I've learned I'll use Chick fil A as an example, again is inaccessibility creates a does make its desirability to a degree. So what I do when I worked in an offices, I put my schedule up, my daily schedule, didn't really change. But people knew that from 1030 to 11 o'clock, I had office hours, if you wanted to come visit with me, and then I had, again, from one to 130. So when I am for the morning people and one for the pm people, you knew you become anytime during those 30 minute windows and visit with me or get signatures or whatever, because the rest of my time was structured, and it was off limits. And rarely did I have the productivity issues that some of my colleagues had, who just kind of just operate that when they email each other non stop all day, like I was the person that you that would know, if you want an email response for me, it will probably between these hours or a very late night, because I'm a night owl. But if you're wanting me to respond to you all day, I'm not the person because I'm not going to do that. And in corporate culture, people, I thought, what oh my god, I could never do that. And it's like, oh, but you can you can do whatever you want. It's about how you manage it efficiently or not. And communicating to people like Chick fil A, no matter what, no matter who, what, when, where, why, or how we will always be closed on Sunday. Yeah, sign up from 10pm Saturday, till 10am or whatever 7am On Monday, you do not have access to me, you have to be that same way with your time with your own energy. Think about it this way. Boundaries are like take a stack of Go get $101 bills, and every person that comes up to you even touches, you just hand them some money. That's what you're doing with your time every time someone bumps into and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna get drafted, you're choosing to take my time away from answering my child's question to yell at this lady that cut me off in the grocery store line when it's like I could just be talking to my child, or whatever it is right or I'm sending I'm over here working on a report. And do I give this person who just barged in my office time? Or do I let them know I just cry Yep, I'm typing a paper and you know that and you know that I have office hours thanks so much because I'm not letting my attention get diverted to the right or left because when I'm off work I'm also that person and another boundary is you get off work at five o'clock y'all at 455 start shutting it down. But the last thing you do before you leave the building no joke will use the restroom.

No joke and got to be you know, think about what you do in there symbolically that's the day is over and then leave use the restroom wash your hands always please and thank you and then head out go to your car and go home and be in your car at five o'clock in drive away and then go do whatever you want the don't check your email again don't respond to another text and then put your if you have to put if it's a work phone even better put it on airplane mode and then when you get up the next morning I don't know what what you what you're worth to you know how that sounds but this is how I operate with clients. I say what are you worth? How much is your time worth? Because if when you wake up it's oh I wake up with a phone in my hand you're letting your boss know you deserve to have access to 24/7

because they're never gonna say hey, would you like for us to stop emailing you after hours? Will if you want us to you're not going to it's up to you to establish those boundaries have to and if you haven't guessed it's okay people I was I've been working there 20 years and even better

start today hi you know I'm going through transition in my life and right now I'm meeting to scale back and so from now on these are going to be my office hours seen it notice how you didn't explain yourself because it's no one's business. In Oh period doesn't have to be me.

Oh, because and then that's when we get in the, you know, don't get tangled up in that. Don't lie don't make stuff up. Hi.

I know I've been working these hours, I'm scaling back. These are my new hours. Um, thanks so much. I have them in my email signature, and on my door,

in case anyone forgets.

And here's how you know when to quit. If your boss pushes back and says What? No, I'm going to penalize you for not there you go. Versus Wow. Okay.

So and So needs time off, you know that? Yeah, they don't have their phones off. Send them to voicemail. When you're at your home life or your home life and mental health, we have to compartmentalize. That's how we got through the pandemic, we all learned it right? For me it's compartmentalizing, when I'm home, I'm at home. My co workers don't come home with me. They don't need to my patients, your your medicine or you know, human services, your your your clients, your patients that can't come home with you.

Because then who's monitoring or getting your kids whose parents and your children?

who's caring for you?

Who's taking care of them? So yes, reciprocate, but start with you?

And what happens also at work if you're triggered by an interaction? Or how do you know when you're in a work like a toxic workplace that you need to leave?

That's an easy when you'll feel it? Do you feel sick when you arrive? Or when you leave? Like literally, do you have a stomach ache? Do you have a headache, do you because you're suddenly turning flips? Do you suddenly have the runs when you get to work? Like your body will tell you? And this works for anything, relationships, places you're eating it?

That's usually the first indicator. But how amazing but yeah.

Like, do I need this thing? Do I need to be doing that? And then the other one, what's it doing for me? What am I putting into this? And what am I getting out of that? And that may be something that's an existential type question. So that's something you got to sit with. It's not a Oh, I know I'm your Republicans have done and I'm not going to have the answer. No, it might be think about that on your drive home or your drive to work every day. What am I getting out of this career? This job? isn't giving back? Is it up? Is it what's my ROI, and we talk about investments. So who cares if you have a billion dollars in your investment portfolio if you're emotionally bankrupt? Who cares?

Because if you're depressed and you're anxious, but you have all this money, guess what all your money is getting ready to go to your future doctor bills, you're going to pay a doctor you're not going to pay yourself or your kids or your grandkids or your legacy whatever you think is going to be your legacy is you were so stressed. You kick the bucket and you left your family because you have to keep going versus knowing when to say oh damn, I hate my job.

I think I want to let it go because I'm literally not getting anything but a paycheck from it y'all that's not a good reason to work somewhere. Because guess what money is infinite

literally there's a printing press somewhere in the world that is printing money.

So many money is in current current Lee and still unlimited in source. So what's not unlimited is our time it's not unlimited is our energy or our you know, our health, right? Our longevity, our livelihood, our vitality that won't last forever, you know that for fat? So you trade a time of your family for a chronic headache? Are you trading your time with your family for irritable bowel syndrome? Are you trading your time out in nature or doing what you love for a living?

Or a paycheck? For anxiety for depression for PTSD? So what is it it's a choice to

value yourself because that's really what this all boils down to. You gotta love and cherish and value yourself because you are one of a kind. There's no one else on this planet who can do what you do, who can do it the way you can do it. People in your community, in your family in your life, expect and rely upon you to show up as yourself as your best self. You know, and if we're gonna model that to our children, that's your real legacy. How much I mean leave them some money to please and thank you but because we want to do those things too. But the most rich legacy is an honest one that said

I remember my mom telling me one time I literally walked off a job and took a pay cut because they wanted me to work so many hours I was literally never going to be able to my mom was a single mom for a brief interval before she got remarried when I was little and she was like I wasn't gonna do it already works too much as it was

So she told them, I'll just do it my way, which is how she became an entrepreneur, which is something else I talk about, very, very passionate about is entrepreneurship. So that's the thing like, you know, when it's toxic, though, when you pull up and you wish you hadn't when you're looking for excuses not to go, if you have no PTO, and it's early in the year, you might be in a toxic work environment, if you run to your car at the end of every day, and Friday is your favorite day of the week without in if you don't look forward to the, you know, the office mixers, or happy hour or group activity, you may be, in fact, in a toxic work environment. And most importantly, if you're questioning that, probably are, if you're ever wondering, so so toxic environment, like all toxic things, you tend to know fairly early because you feel sick to your stomach. So it doesn't have to be anything dramatic. It didn't have to be someone insulting you or harassing you, or whatever, it could just be it. I walk in, and no one says hi.

I was absent last week, because I did have surgery and no one even noticed. So so that's how you, let's use softer language with ourselves. Maybe it isn't quitting. Maybe it's transitioning to something new. Maybe it's I'm releasing this to claim that over there. And you because of your age, or you're gonna just retire and go home and relax and rest. It's like, yeah, you write you celebrate retirement. So celebrate the ending of a thing too, because you put your time and your energy into that that is always going to be a part of your story. One day, we're all going to check out I don't like to get morbid on people. But I do remind people of this often that you're writing your eulogy right now. We all are so if don't let it be, he worked. He or she they worked 20 years at a factory that they hated versus they passionately pursued their degree or their their technical or their, their love of working with robots, whoever it is, what are you saying? So do that thing until

you whatever it is like the milestones if you checked all the boxes? If you're like, Yeah, I feel I can't contribute any more to that. That's it, it's complete? Well, this is really wonderful. Um, do you have any sort of parting words of wisdom for people, and they also do want to get your information for anyone that wants to work with you, and how to get ahold of you as well. So, okay, thank you. Um, so I am, if you know me, well, you know, that I'm a quote, fanatic, by I live by them, and I like to write them sometimes. So I have two quotes.

One, I'd like to share my definition of success. And then I'll give you a closing one, following your passion to fruition, and then defining the standard in such a way that it guides others aspiration. So if you've done that, to the fullest at your place of employment or work or your career field, that may be how you know when Oh, okay. You can go out on a high note. With that being said, I like to leave people with words of wisdom, Be anxious for nothing, be desperate for no one and no thing. Think of your desires as established facts. Because the best is yet to come. I love those. I love all those quotes. Thank you. The second one is made up by me the first one was? No, I don't know. I am a social media gal. So I will drop my ID in chat is My name is Sasha the social light.

or on my Facebook for the rest of this year is my international Ms. Texas.

And my website is currently forthcoming because I, too, am recovering from being OCD and type A. And I was like this is not right. It needs to be righter than this. So my website is worth coming. But social media is the best way because once those things launched, there will be like a nice little announcement about it. But yes, I'm always open to working with new people and can't wait to hear from y'all. Thank you so much. Thank you for being there was an honor and a privilege and a blessing.

And thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom and your quotes with us was beautiful. And I'd love your Tiara too. So I'm like I just

I don't have that on today and my crown is in the box in the room and that thank you Dr. Janny for such an amazing privilege. Keep doing the amazing work that you're doing. i You're such a dynamic person yourself. I can't wait to listen

to your other podcasts and see who visits you. So yes, take care and I hope to work with you again soon. Same thank you so much teaching you and keep doing what you're doing and I can't wait to collaborate again on another future episode on entrepreneurship. I am passionate.

Let's do it.

Alright, talk to you soon.

Nervous system
How do you know when to leave?
Talking about Quitting
Regularly scheduled self care
Relationship with ourselves
How to know you're in a toxic workplace