The Wedding Gown (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The Wedding Gown & My Failure in Network Marketing.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:00 The Wedding Gown
• 8:10 My Failure in Network Marketing
• 19:55 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #197 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The Wedding Gown & My Failure in Network Marketing.

The Wedding Gown                                                                                                                                     

I found it in a magazine; the image took up an entire page. I ripped it out of the magazine and proceeded to hunt it down. I found it at a nearby bridal shop; I couldn’t believe how easy it was that I found it from an advertisement to the actual gown. I ordered my size, and a minor alteration was needed. I had purchased my ideal wedding gown to walk down the aisle. Little did I know that this piece, which cost me several thousands of dollars decades ago, would come to disturb me until I got rid of it nearly twenty years later.

As I browsed through one bridal magazine after another, looking for the perfect wedding gown for my special day, it didn’t take long before one caught my eye. It had a long and sexy V-neck. The sleeves were puffy, and the beaded fabric made it look classy and elegant. The top part was fitting, and it flared out from the waist. I believed the V-neck and wide puffy sleeves made me look skinny. That was the look I was going for.

After walking down the aisle in the beautiful gown I chose, I stored it in an old suitcase and was never to wear it again. Years later, I divorced and moved out of the brand-new house we bought. I left with the wedding gown in the old suitcase. I didn’t know what to do with it, so I kept it. Though I knew I would never wear it again, I could not find it in myself to get rid of it. It cost me so much; I bought it with my own money. If I threw it away, it would be like throwing thousands of dollars in the garbage can. Growing up poor and working hard for my earned money, I valued whatever I bought. The thought of disposing of it made me cringe.

Years later, my new boyfriend proposed to me and asked about getting a wedding gown. I said I already had one from my last marriage. I didn’t want to buy another one since I would only wear it once. I didn’t want to wear another wedding gown. I wanted something I could wear again, and I wanted it to be wholly different from what I had before. He said he wanted to see me in a wedding gown and insisted on seeing the wedding gown I had stored away. I took it out to show him. 

He asked me to wear it. This request was most disturbing. I stared at the beautiful beads that sparkled in the light. I remember buying it and the picture-perfect marriage I was expecting. And then the fairytale ended in divorce. I wasn’t sad that it ended; I was disturbed that things did not turn out as I had hoped. The happily ever after did not happen, and the reminder pained me. My thoughtless boyfriend smiled and asked me several more times. He didn’t consider my feelings and only thought of what would please his eyes. He thought more about his needs than mine. It was a red flag I failed to pick up. If I wore it again, it would be like stepping back into my first marriage, and I didn’t want to do that. I hated failure and a divorce was a great failure to me. As much as I wanted to please my boyfriend,  I couldn’t do it. 

How could looking at something so beautiful feel so unsettling and strain my eyebrows? How could he ask me to wear the worn gown? Was he a simpleton that just wanted to see a girl in a beautiful dress? He couldn’t understand the turmoil he brought me by making such a request, even though I explained that it was from the first marriage and that it could be bad luck to wear it again. I put it back in the old suitcase to be stored away again. The suitcase, which was one of the few things from my father, also reminded me of the rarity of getting something from my dad and that at least he did do something for me by walking me down the aisle. I was sad, but not too sad, because I never had much of a relationship with my father in the first place.

Tucked away for more years, I forgot all about that suitcase with my wedding gown. It wasn’t until I needed to clean out my house to move abroad that I needed to deal with what to do with that wedding gown again. Disturbed again, I didn’t know what to do with it. I certainly wasn’t going to bring it abroad, especially when I only had space for two suitcases and a carry-on luggage without being charged extra. The wedding gown occupied one large piece of luggage.

I moved abroad without it. I threw it in the dumpster, and it was locked in the suitcase. It took moving abroad and eighteen years before I got rid of it. I didn’t want anyone else to wear it, so I did not donate it. It hurt to throw it away because I valued the money spent on it. Any sentiment had nothing to do with the marriage but the cost of the gown. Why did I value the money so much? My attachment to money was the issue. 

I needed to remind myself that I trade money for something. When that item is no longer useful, I must let it go. The money traded was long gone. In the end, things are just things. The only value they have is the value I give them.

I used the gown for what I needed it for: my wedding. All purchased items have an expiration date. Accepting that instead of attaching myself to things bought can only give me freedom from the weight of the loads I carry. Unloading the wedding gown brought closure to the end of a relationship and a carefree spirit away from giving so much value to material goods. 

My monetary attachment that had me keep the dress, did not totally make sense to me. Perhaps it was me refusing to give up on the fairytale I desperately wanted. I wanted the happily ever after; I did not want to let go of the dream. Maybe my reluctance to discard it was me trying to hold on to the fairytale. But it also stopped me from moving forward.

The move abroad with fewer possessions solidified my new stance that less is more and that there are many other valuable things than material goods. Discovering a life with more experiences in travel and interacting with others rather than buying more things brought more joy and freedom than ever imagined. Instead of holding on, letting go helped me to start anew and  create new dreams.

My Failure in Network Marketing                                                                                                      

I worked in a network marketing company for five years and never became a millionaire; in other words, I failed in the business. I worked at it full-time for five years. I put in all the effort and tried many methods and strategies to recruit people and make sales. I worked day in and day out relentlessly without giving up. Still, I could not put much food on the table for myself. I only survived using my savings from my previous career. Though I refused to give up, my stint in the business lasted five years until the company went out of business during the 2008 global economic crisis. Many had asked, "Why did you stay with it for so long, or how could you stay with it for so long when you weren't making money? To answer the question, I needed to do some deep soul-searching.

Soon after I joined the network marketing business, I began to share it with others. My friends told me it was a scam, a risky business, and anything in sales would be too difficult for them, so they didn't join. Further, they didn't want to talk to their family and friends about it. But they didn't catch the dream like I did. I went to a business presentation to learn the details. The focus was not on the nitty-gritty of doing the business but on the result of achieving dreams, which was making millions of dollars. I was sold the dream.

As I navigated the business, I found it was not a scam. It was a risky business, but what business isn't at first? Trying to make sales and find recruits on my own was difficult, especially for a shy, introverted girl like me. The leaders suggested I talk to family and friends because that was the warm market. The warm market was supposed to be people who knew and trusted me. I quickly learned that people are very skeptical of salespeople, which was what I was essentially: a door-to-door saleslady. My list of friends and relatives was short, too. I was never close with my family, and I had a group of quality friends but not a large quantity of friends. So, from the beginning, it looked like I was doomed for failure. I needed to gather many recruits and sales to make decent money. Try as I might, it was an enormous challenge for me, and the results were insufficient to live comfortably.

I saw many people quit soon after they joined. They did not see an income quickly, so they quit. It was not a get-rich-quick scheme. Others found it difficult to juggle a full-time job providing a steady income and engaging in recruiting clients and business partners. Many found it hard to stay motivated when the money wasn't coming quickly or when they got one rejection after another. Some found recruits, but they didn't work or show up to meetings. Others ran out of talking to their warm market without results and didn't want to talk to a cold market, which is strangers.

Seeing others quit did not deter me. I was not a quitter. I made zero in my first year and didn't quit. I heard most people would have given up long ago if they had my statistics. Like many, I struggled to juggle a full-time job and do the network marketing business, so I quit my full-time job. I thought getting rid of that obstacle or excuse would propel me into making money, but I still did not make much. I found some recruits, but they didn't work hard and disappeared when they barely began. Like everybody else, it didn't take me long to finish sharing about the business with my warm market. While some refused to talk to strangers, I ventured to do so for most of my time in the business. Many said no to network marketing or the products. I endured hundreds of rejections and refused to give up. I baffled many, many people, including myself.

It wasn't until many years later, when I shared about the business with someone named Everett, that I discovered it was not altogether a failure. I thought my stint in the network marketing business was my greatest failure. It was a failure financially. However, as I discussed the topic with Everett, I discovered the priceless jewels I acquired from it. Though I struggled financially, emotionally, and mentally throughout the five years, I learned and experienced an enormous amount of gems I hold dear to this day. Even though the ride was scary and painful countless times, I cannot regret taking the risk. I call it the adventure of a lifetime, for me at least.

As a shy and introverted girl, I found it challenging to start conversations with others, especially in social situations, because I didn't know what to say. With that fact alone, I was doomed, but it didn't stop me. I read books to learn how to start conversations with strangers, and I went to networking events to practice what I had learned. I found seminars and events where people gathered to meet people and converse with them. I did volunteer work to meet people. I joined clubs to meet people. They all gave me an opportunity to talk to people about my business. The more I did it, the more comfortable I got at it and the better I got at talking to strangers. I call the ability to engage in conversations with many strangers and acquaintances a valuable social skill and a gem I will keep using.

When I started talking with many strangers and acquaintances from doing the business, I got out of my comfort zone. I searched for many places to go where people gathered and found myself going to places I never went. Again, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I interacted with many people from different backgrounds; in my previous job, I only knew people in my profession. Once more, I moved out of my comfort zone. The more I left my comfortable and familiar places, the more exciting and interesting I found it, and risk-taking was no longer an issue. I call taking more risks to see, do, and try new things a thrilling gem I must keep.

As I got more and more rejections from prospects, I looked for other ways to find and talk to them. Instead of giving up like many, I persisted, forcing me to pull out all the creativity I could muster. I amazed myself with all the ideas I came up with to put the word out about my business and products. Since I did not have much money to work with to pay for advertisements, I dug deeper to find ways. Printing out flyers and writing letters to neighbors were nothing new. Finding places to meet and talk to people was not new either, but getting there and talking to them was time-consuming. The creativity was in the numerous kinds of places I went to find people: stores, lobbies, waiting areas, clubs, classes, seminars, festivals, parks, libraries, anywhere! The more rejections I got, the more creative I got. I learned that having and using creativity skills helps solve many problems. I call the creativity skill a priceless gem I continue to keep.

Since I joined the network marketing business, I have experienced and enjoyed the spirit of having a team. The feeling of camaraderie was joy that soothed my soul. Coming from a family where I didn't belong and living in a family where I didn't belong, this was one place where I belonged and was a leader in one. It was heartwarming to help others and make a difference for them. Though you could find this gem elsewhere, I found it here and am glad for it. I hold the spirit and camaraderie gem in my heart to keep.

The business also gave me a financial education that I never got in school. I learned how money works, where to save it free from taxation or delayed taxation, and how to put my money to work. While I could understand it elsewhere, I hadn't thought to do it before and was glad for the education. I still put the knowledge to use and look forward to retirement. I keep this gem in my pocket, close to me.

The network marketing business allowed me to meet many people from different walks of life, so it helped me expand my perspectives and open my mind further. In the job that I had before, I only knew people in my profession, and that was limiting. The variety of people I met were in the business and all the prospects I tried to recruit or sell products to. Meeting different kinds of people, I gained new ideas and learned new things. My world got bigger, and I saw more people than from my previous job of one location and one location of people. I call having an expansion of ideas and perspectives through other people gems to hold dear.

I was not looking for a business opportunity because I was satisfied with my career, but someone introduced me to it. I didn't think I had the personality to be in network marketing, but I joined. It seemed unlikely I would be in such a business, but I was in it for five years. It appeared unlikely to last because I did not make much money, but stayed for five years. The gem I acquired was the dream gem. The business taught me to dream and dream big. This gem was given to me at weekly meetings; it helped me stay. Some may say it is silly to dream big. I remind myself that dreaming is free and every great idea starts with a dream or an imagination. 

I never turned out to be one of the success stories of network marketing, but I acquired and used many precious gems that will last a lifetime. My social skills improved drastically. I jumped out of my comfort zone numerous times to enjoy adventure and risk-taking exhilaration. I exercised and stretched my creativity to help me solve many problems. The memories of camaraderie and the team spirit stay in my heart. I applied the financial education I got to secure my money. Every time I start to dream, the naysayers tell me I am silly, but I know dreams are free, and I can dream as big as I want.

I dreamed of becoming a millionaire and never became one, but I held on to the dream. The result of holding on and struggling through the challenges gave me what I never dreamed I would gain: a collection of precious gems that I can carry with me to help me through all of life's challenges and give me a meaningful life filled with abundance.

Key Takeaways                                                                                                                                                  Though I had a beautiful wedding gown, it was of no use anymore, so I dumped it in the garbage.  

Though I failed to make millions in a network marketing business, I gained many priceless gems through the experience.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called From Nothing to Everything & Make My Day. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!