Two Become Family Podcast: Conversations and Encouragement For Your Catholic Family
Welcome to the podcast where we echo the words of St. John Paul II and encourage families to "Believe in what you are!"
We are Renzo and Monica Ortega, we've been married 13 years, we have 5 kids, and our apostolate, Two Become Family, encourages Catholics who love the Church, love each other, and still feel like marriage and family life is harder than it's supposed to be.
Through our very candid, and sometimes uncomfortably vulnerable, conversations about sex, NFP, conflict, family life, we hope to spark conversations between you and your spouse leaving you with a little more joy and a lot more hope that you have what it takes to be a family.
Visit us at https://twobecomefamily.substack.com for more for your marriage
Two Become Family Podcast: Conversations and Encouragement For Your Catholic Family
Answering Listener Questions on Dating, Engagement, First Year of Marriage, Finances, Virtues, and Friendships
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In today's episode, we give you a short update on our personal lives and then we answer some listener questions! Thank you to everyone who submitted questions on Instagram.
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You're listening to Pre Cana with the Pope, a podcast aimed at restoring confidence in marriage and family life.
SPEAKER_01Hey there everyone, this is Monica and welcome to episode 41 of Pre Kana with the Pope. In today's episode, Renzo and I answer a variety of listener questions. Together we share a little update on our lives, maybe offer some unpopular opinions, and talk a lot about the topic of play. We're so happy you're here with us, let's jump in. That's up to you. The mood lighting is It's moody. It's dark. I'm fine.
SPEAKER_06So we're back. We're back for another episode. And again, this is I think this is the third time that this has happened to us where we've recorded a full episode. Yeah. It was a very good episode. Um, if anything, it was good for our marriage. It was just a good I it was a good conversation. Good conversation. Um, but the audio was a poopy. And I tried my best to fix it. You did. And I am not like my my YouTube degree failed me. Yeah. Because there was nothing I could do. The audio was just too wonky.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um sounded like I was in a tunnel.
SPEAKER_06But it was more than that. Like it was like you were in a tunnel and possessed by aliens. Like there was there's just so many things that were like warping in and out.
SPEAKER_01It was a nice chat though. But guys, just a reminder. We're so grateful for all of you who listen. But we are just two people who sit in our living room after the kids go to bed once a week and talk into microphones. So that is that that played us well last night. We are not professional sound engineers.
SPEAKER_06So I still think it's worth giving them a quick update. What do you think?
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_06Well, we'll see. Have this conversation again. Um well it's funny because like we know that there's listeners, so thank you guys for being here. Um so last four weeks, um Monica basically has some health things that we actually don't know what they are, um, which has just made um managing everything more stressful. Yes. Um and then in particular trying to like record and um, you know, keep this planned down.
SPEAKER_01Like, what are we gonna record and yeah, and just feel motivated. I don't know. It like we just feel very distracted. There's other things that are requiring our attention. And I also just personally I just feel like I'm falling behind in like regular day-to-day stuff because I'm not feeling well and I'm worried about what's going on. I'm stressed, I'm going for tests after test to try to figure out what's going on. So yeah, so sorry, we've been a little bit less active on social media, and hopefully this is still a good episode.
SPEAKER_06Last night's episode was good, but it's you know it's funny, it's like even just thinking, it's hard to be affirming of other people's marriages and like because like when we have things happen, and this is similar to when you were pregnant with with Ben, um we kind of like roop.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like if you like we just can't see the hand gesture, but yeah, you just kind of like turn inward into our family.
SPEAKER_06Like to like focus on like the important things and make sure they keep going. So like Which is good, yes, well so but we just we've just been focused on our family and our kids and trying to make sure like we're able to still move and function and do things we need to do. So it's just it's hard to then like we have to think outward though. Yeah. Which is and I think it's fine because that's that's life is always gonna be this way. So I think even there's always gonna be something. Like, even though this is this is uh harder for us in this current season, um, I just I still think it's necessary because I think there's a lot of us who because we struggle so much within, you know, not just struggle within our marriage, but like struggle within our usual self. Like there's like like God, you want me to struggle here and then also go help out there? Like that's that's a hard thing, but like that's part of the call of being Christian. Like that's what we're supposed to do. Right. Um, so I'm happy to be. Yeah, so we're here again. We're doing it.
SPEAKER_01Take two.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Um, so we're gonna answer listener questions. You guys were great gracious enough to uh help us out a little bit, give us a little bit of a lift and uh yeah, give some ideas.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, so we're grateful. So sorry, this is like a non-update, I guess. Um, we're not gonna totally go in the direction that we went last night when we recorded because I feel like we'll just try to repeat what we said, but we won't. We'll see. Anyways, we're gonna try something else.
SPEAKER_06We have several uh Oh, one thing I think is worth mentioning. Thank you for everyone who listened to the ADHD episode and messaged me, either, you know, either texted me or messaged me. I've I had so many people tell me that they've never had someone express their uh what they've experienced. And they did some of them had a diagnosis of ADHD, some of them did not. Um, and it was really cool to hear that like my experience was able to be affirming to yours. Um, I think it's really cool when you don't feel alone with the things that you've been struggling with your whole life, and suddenly you're like, oh, it's not just me. I'm not a crazy person.
SPEAKER_01You are not a crazy person.
SPEAKER_06You might be a crazy person. Oh, we no, so it so I it was nice. I I love being able to hear from from you all. So um, so not just those of you with AHD, but just any anybody, any anybody. Like whenever you get something, something from one of the episodes, uh uh, we love hearing feedback and just like yeah, it just keeps us going. Um and while you're feeding us back, if you could also leave us a review, um Apple and Spotify and leave a comment or something. I forgot no review is a thing and rate it. That's the other thing. Rate it. All right.
SPEAKER_01All right. So you want to do a timer again for these questions so that we don't believe seven minutes, all right. Seven minutes a question.
SPEAKER_05Okay. I don't I don't know how to do this. All right, there it is. Seven minutes.
SPEAKER_06Let's do it.
SPEAKER_01Alright. Okay. So first couple questions.
SPEAKER_02There's two.
SPEAKER_01Well, so we have what's very cool about this is we have a lot of different types of listeners. Like we have dating and engaged couples, and we have newlyweds, and we have parents. So we have a variety of questions this week. So I'm gonna start with the dating and engaged and kind of work our way through the seasons of seasons of listeners.
SPEAKER_06Listeners. Okay. Seasons of listeners.
SPEAKER_01Seasons of listeners. That makes sense. All right. Um, here's question
Advice for dating couples
SPEAKER_01number one. What are we doing? Seven minutes, five minutes.
SPEAKER_06Oh shoot, I already started the thing. Okay. I'm not ready yet. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01We're setting the stage.
SPEAKER_06Setting it. It's set.
SPEAKER_01Okay, well, what was it?
SPEAKER_06Seven.
SPEAKER_01How fast am I talking?
SPEAKER_06Seven minutes.
SPEAKER_01Okay, seven minutes. What would seven?
SPEAKER_06I think five to seven. All right. I'm doing ten just in case. I'll just between me and the listeners. It's supposed to be a you didn't hear me. It's seven.
SPEAKER_01What would you prioritize in dating when we are committed to each other but not ready to be engaged?
SPEAKER_06Don't have sex.
SPEAKER_01That is a good one.
unknownDone.
SPEAKER_06Prioritized. Done and done. Okay. No. Well besides that. Am I answering? Yeah. I guess I am.
SPEAKER_00I mean, you stole it.
SPEAKER_06Prayer. They need to pray. Well, what couple what kind of couple is this?
SPEAKER_00Um a dating couple.
SPEAKER_06Well, dating couple. So I think they they should What do you mean what kind of couple is this? Well, no, like are they Catholic? Are they committed to their faith?
SPEAKER_01Are they I'm gonna say we should like they're they're at least ish.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00They're listening to this up this podcast.
SPEAKER_06Okay. So they have some so so low bar, low bar, okay. They at least listen to Catholic podcasts.
SPEAKER_00That's yes.
SPEAKER_06Um so I th I think that they should be praying. Um they should they should work on their prayer lives and make sure that they have a daily prayer life. Um, and then they should definitely look to learn about the virtue of chastity and really implement it well into their lives. Because I think that's gonna that can really help in the future with their marriage if they're able to integrate that well. Um, and just in general, just like being able to not be governed by your passions is a pro. Uh, but I think that that's those are the two things that I would I would work on.
SPEAKER_01All right. I would challenge, and I have no I um thank you for submitting this question. And I don't know this person, so they're an ish couple. They're in it, they are an ish couple. Um I would challenge you to discern why you're not ready for engagement yet while you're dating. And like, is it do you not know each other well enough, or do you feel like you're trying to check off some boxes as far as like we need this certain job or we need to like there's I don't know if this is like a couple that's still in college and finishing school, or if this is a you know, we feel like we should be dating for two, three, four years before engaged. Like, what what are you like what are these like parameters that you're putting on? And are they like actual, like prudent ones, or are you kind of going along with like society's ideas of what you're supposed to do before you get married and get engaged? Um, because like if you kind of have this checklist of like we need to have be at this point in our career and we need to have this much money in our bank account and we need to what have you, then um I would challenge you to to put a little bit, I don't know, a different perspective on that because those things can always fluctuate. And if you are with the person you're meant to be married to, then those things are often approached better together as a married couple.
SPEAKER_06So especially if you're praying and not having sex. Yes.
SPEAKER_01So you need those. Um what else would you pray? Okay, so let's say that like these things, what I just challenged you is irrelevant.
SPEAKER_06So they're just dating.
SPEAKER_01They're dating and they're committed to one another, but they're not ready for engagement. Um I would really uh suggest having some like difficult conversations to like continue to discern if this is the person that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. There should be a resource like that. So they can like which conversations you can.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what should we ask each other?
SPEAKER_06Is there something in the future happening with that?
SPEAKER_01There might be something in the works that we just talked to Jamie about today. Yes. We have a book cover ready for it. We have a book ready. She's great. Yes, it's just not done. Just has to be finished. So in the new year, my target, my goal is ready in the near January 2023.
SPEAKER_06Oh, we have a book release right ready in the new year.
SPEAKER_01Yep. So that wasn't even intentional. Renzo just spoiled it.
SPEAKER_06Oh, because I have ADHD. Did we know that we have just thoughts come in and they come out?
SPEAKER_01Yes. All right. So something's in the works, but um, yeah, having more intimate conversations, like things that you that you should know about your future spouse. You have to ask.
SPEAKER_06So yeah, I'm not, and I'm not trying to pitch the book. I just I know the reason we're doing it is because I genuinely think it's a good idea. Because like we could say that, but like what does that mean? What does that mean? And it varies couple to couple, so like we can't really give direct advice. Yes. So we give broad advice, but I do think that's a good thing to have more conversations and not. And I think yeah, and have fun together.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a good one. I think that's really important, actually. I'm gonna jump on that. That like I think sometimes we are just so serious about checking the boxes too, like, even like making sure we had these intimate deep conversations and covered all the things and go axe throwing.
SPEAKER_06That was funny.
SPEAKER_01I look like such a doofus the first few times.
SPEAKER_06But like just I was so good. You okay, yes, you were all bullseyed to the point I was like, no, I'm good. The guy's like, you are doing it.
SPEAKER_01I was like, they were all bullseyed.
SPEAKER_06I have a video, they were all bullseyed. Is that what they're called when they should throw an axes? I I suppose heifer size. Sorry. Heifer's eyes? Sorry, I'll stop talking about it. What are you saying? It's another thing like a bull.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_06Buffalo.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Prioritize. Prioritize enjoying time with one another because you need to be able to enjoy one another for the rest of your lives.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01Because life would be very dull and stressful if you didn't enjoy time with the person that you spend every day with. So do things that you enjoy and do them a lot.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I would look into the different types of play that you enjoy. I forgot, uh, where's the I I'll put the book in the show notes. Um, but there's a book on prayer types, not prayer types, not play types. Play types. Um, because we all have different ways that we enjoy playing. Um, and there's like this is from a sociologist, I forgot who it is. Uh, but they were they basically the idea is that um similar to like we all have love languages, like we all have different ways that we play, quote unquote play.
SPEAKER_01Um and it's our forms of recreation.
SPEAKER_06Yes, and like literally re like when we are things that we do that we are we feel re recreated, like we're we feel like we're we're filled by this thing, and and because I we enjoy doing this thing, like it's it helps us be able to do other things well. And one of the issues with adults is that we don't play enough. And I don't mean video games, I mean like doing things that that that genuinely bring us joy, excite you, and and it's fun to do.
SPEAKER_00Spark you, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Um so like one of the things one of the I forgot the name of the play type, but one of mine is like watching movies. When I watch movies, I don't just and sit back and like passively just enjoy the movie. Like no, like there's part of me that like enjoys like I I feel as though I'm one of the characters. I I I insert myself into the movie as I'm watching it and like I experience the movie. Um and like there's there's just different type of play that play types, and I think it's worth couples to like get to know each other's play types and like ways that you could do those together, do those together and have fun doing those things. Yeah, um, I'll put those in the show notes because I didn't explain that
Tips for the first year of marriage
SPEAKER_06well.
SPEAKER_01All right, all right.
SPEAKER_06So we have two minutes and thirty seconds left because I did 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so we are about seven minutes. Yeah, about seven minutes. Good. So seven minutes. These two are really similar. This is like for engaged couples. Okay. Ready?
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01Um, tips for the first year of marriage. Um, and then so they both asked that same question. Tips for the first year of marriage, and then um it's sad to me when people say it's the hardest. I'm nervous for the honeymoon phase to end.
SPEAKER_05Me too.
SPEAKER_01Ten years in. Still got it. No. Um so I we had a very interesting first year of marriage. We did. There was a lot of stuff that happened, but um yeah. Um I would say, like addressing that the um I've heard it's the hardest. He's currently looking up the play type.
SPEAKER_05I've listened, I can do both. I'm listening.
SPEAKER_01Um sad when people say it's the hardest. Um it it's like a good hard though, I think, because you went from being two separate people to actually now being one. So there's a lot of growing that needs to happen, and that's a little bit messy, a little bit dicey, a little bit challenging. Um, so I would say that it's the hardest in the sense that like you're really learning how to live a whole new life.
SPEAKER_06Um people really say it's the hardest. I I don't I I also didn't start a timer. I don't know if I've heard that before. I I I remember hearing things like the seven-year itch, like when you when you get to seven years, like now it's I think people have a lot of things to say. You know, I have I do too. Just just to just to throw more things in. Um, they're called play personalities, and it's by Dr. Stuart Brown. Okay. Okay. And I will put that in the show notes.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So tips from the first year of marriage, then like honeymoon phase, they don't want the spark to die. It's so hard. But I think it's like it's it's such a good hard. Sorry. It's a good hard. The first year of marriage hard is different than other years of marriage hard.
SPEAKER_06I don't remember our first year.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Well.
SPEAKER_06Is that weird? No, no, like in the Okay, sorry, let me rephrase that. Like, I don't re I don't remember the like what was what was hard about the first year. Like, I remember like the because there was a lot of like things that happened. There were like definitely that were just like, oh, this is huge. But like I don't know, I don't know. Like, we argued before, we argued after. We argued it, we argued in your BW before wedding.
SPEAKER_00Like we argued before that, and then we argued we're not calling it BM before marriage.
SPEAKER_06Bowel movement.
SPEAKER_00Um thank you. I thought people could pick up on that the first time.
SPEAKER_06If they didn't work in like medical field, they'd be like, what are you talking about? Black marker. No, but um like we argued before our first year, and we argued in our second year, and I don't remember like what would you say were the hardest parts of the first year of marriage? Like, not individual to Monica and Renzo, like because like we could talk about the the events that happened, and like I right trying to get pregnant towards like the end or middle, I don't remember when. Um, but like sorry, it was very impactful.
SPEAKER_00Recollection of time is really incredible right now.
SPEAKER_06But but so like what would you say is like I I don't I don't know if I have a good grasp on the first year enough to be like this is the hard part of it, just like meshing the two lives together, just that just simple I don't know. I was excited to do that, yeah. Share a bed.
SPEAKER_01I know that was fun, it still is, still is fun, yeah. You know what though, and like looking back though, like some of the I don't want to say the most awesome memories because it's not like I want to go back to that time, but like we had some really great, yeah, unique to first year of marriage memories of like um like our Sunday morning potatoes. Yes, so we were we were poor when we just were we were like penny pinching so much, and like but on Saturday mornings I would make like Sunday, sorry, Sunday mornings I would make like a breakfast and I made these potatoes that you just loved and I I diced them up really small and I boiled them first so they got kind of smushy, and then I fried them so that they were smushy and crunchy, and I put peppers and onions and like all this stuff and like bacon and eggs, and we had like Sunday Sunday morning, every Sunday morning, and we would like stay in bed for a really long time and we were five o'clock masters. Yep, because we were like we are newlyweds and we're not moving from this apartment until we have to.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, you know, and just like yeah, just different things like that, like um navigating like our first jobs in our careers and stuff, and like coming home and really like diving into coworker conflicts and like how to navigate that, and then like oh, I had this really great moment at work, and that was really cool because like that used to always be like over the phone or like rushed between all the things that we were doing, but like we were like, no, we can just like sit down and have these conversations and we don't have to go anywhere. We don't like we're we can stay here until this conversation's over. Um, I feel like that was really neat.
SPEAKER_06Um I remember navigating friendships was interesting now that we're talking about it because like that was tricky, because now you're um I don't know, like there's not enough there was in this in the apartment, there wasn't like places to go like have private phone conversations either because they were such a small apartment. So like if you wanted time with your friends, like it was you have to be more intentional about when you do it, and also like not at the detriment of like like you just got married, like you have to be with your spouse. So then I think we start when we started like not that we weren't already doing this before, but like hanging out with other couples. Like we started that really early. Yeah, yeah, because like they were all married too now, so like we're all doing the same thing, which was nice. Um, but I think that's difficult too because like there were some friends the friends that aren't that weren't married, like I I stopped hanging out with that was harder, yeah. Um, but just it once you get married, like your the trajectory and the responsibilities of your life are very different because like the things you're because you uh they need to be like your spouse needs to be the person you're focused on the most. So as much as you're like, I want to keep my friendships the same, like if you're doing if you're hanging out the same way you were before you were married after you're married, I think that's a problem. And I and I don't I think it's an unpopular opinion for the way things are, but I I just I think the g you should you should fundamentally change once you get married.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Um because that's that's the part of the the commitment you're making.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that was a growing process. Friendships, that was definitely it. That was it. I think um some of the hard parts of first year of marriage was navigating um in-laws or like our both sides of the family and well, because suddenly we'd yeah, like you don't have you don't want to split holidays anymore.
SPEAKER_06And right. Like you want to Right.
SPEAKER_01Cause we would like come together, like you would do, you know, a holiday with your family and then like come to the end of mine, or I'd go to yours.
SPEAKER_06We were only engaged for a year, right?
SPEAKER_01What's that?
SPEAKER_06We were only engaged for we were only engaged for a year. Yeah. So like before that, we would we wouldn't even split. Like I would go to some things and then like leave. And we would come to some and leave. And then but I think when we were engaged, we stayed together. We just did everything. We did all the holidays.
SPEAKER_01Yes, we tried to do all of them. And then yeah, once we were married, it was okay, we have to pick, you know. So that was that was a tough that was a tough thing because it it sounds so simple, like, oh, just go to one holiday and then another, but like there are a lot of feelings involved in all of that, and a lot of driving.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and also like you also want to enjoy the holiday as a newlywed.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and start your own traditions and do things.
SPEAKER_06Yes, and do things. So like you're you're busy.
SPEAKER_01A lot of things we wanted to do.
SPEAKER_06Yes, there and with the potatoes, and sorry, but um I'm blushing. But there's but there's I there's there's also uh yeah, you don't want to there's also that aspect of like you want to spend your time with your spouse enjoying the holidays, and it's hard when you're like pulled in all the different directions. Um so that's that was that's hard to navigate to. That's ten minutes seven minutes.
SPEAKER_01All right, done. Okay. Um how did you discern your wedding date and what are your thoughts on a long engagement? Um so we couple things with just quote unquote discerning
Thoughts on a long engagement
SPEAKER_01our wedding date. Um we I personally really like the fall, so we got married in October. It was really pretty for flower for photos and stuff, but um honestly it was a lot of um we got engaged before my senior year of college. Um so I was graduating in May, wanted to make sure I had enough time to solidify a job and then get married after having um making sure I had a job, um, so that we were both working. Um I think that sometimes discerning a wedding date could be overly scrupulous. Like it becomes your wedding date, like that becomes your anniversary, and just like get excited about that as that being the date.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Um I like our wedding date though.
SPEAKER_01I love it.
SPEAKER_06We missed a feast day though.
SPEAKER_01By two days, I know. That's okay.
SPEAKER_06Wait, do we get married on a Saturday?
SPEAKER_01Yes, we did.
SPEAKER_06Could have done a Monday.
SPEAKER_01I don't think many people would have liked that. I don't care. I would have had a feast day. Yes.
SPEAKER_05We would have had the feast day.
SPEAKER_01That's true. All right. Uh, thoughts on a long engagement. Um, I personally do not think long engagements are a very smart idea.
SPEAKER_06What does long mean?
SPEAKER_01So this person's question is talking about getting married in 2023 versus 2024. So, like over a year. Because it's not yet.
SPEAKER_04Go for it. 2023.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, I think that being the the intimacy of dating versus being a fiance, like the level of intimacy increases. And I think that then to like extend that and stretch that for a long time if you really don't need to can be very, very challenging for your practice of virtue of chastity, for your like transition into being married. I don't think that like that fiance engagement time is meant to be stretched really long. It's like a preparation for marriage, it's not necessarily like a full-on.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. Like, and and then you think about like all the wedding planning, like, are you doing it so that you can get all the wedding planning done?
SPEAKER_06Like, yeah, that's I just feel like that's that's a really hard answer to give without knowing more specifics on like a particular couple situation. Um because I do think that in general, I would say get married um as soon as you can. Marriage is good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so like if you're better to be married than not married, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Um, but then like yeah, I don't I can't think of any circumstances at in the moment, but like if they have particular things that like they say there's a lot of travel, there's people that are overseas, like there's I'm not gonna be with the person, I'd rather be with my spouse the first year of being married, like I I can understand that.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, yeah. So like they're like if you're not living in the same place or of like military deployments and stuff like that are a factor.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and you could also argue like, wouldn't you rather be married while they're you know just you're you're more connected, you're a sacrament. Like there's there's that too.
SPEAKER_01So again, that's our personal opinion though, I think for always get married, by and large, get married.
SPEAKER_06Always get married, always have the burger.
SPEAKER_00And that's the two things you believe in.
SPEAKER_06Well, okay, so that's good because the kids are watching a Power Rangers show and it was it was from the 90s. It was the 90s Power Ranger show, and the um the Power Rangers were with with like teaching little kids uh karate, and they were like, Oh, you gotta eat healthy if you want to be an athlete. So they had to meet a salad instead of a burger, and I looked at our kids like no, you always eat the burger. I was like, none of this nineties.
SPEAKER_00And now that's become like that's what they they say for that. Colby says that a lot.
SPEAKER_06Always eat the burger, always eat the burger. Because I just I just didn't want like they're too young to start thinking like that. Um, so always get married, always eat the burger.
SPEAKER_01There it
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SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01All right, ready?
SPEAKER_03Yes.
How to organize finances as newly weds
SPEAKER_01How to organize finances when you are newlyweds. Budget. Like whatever method or whatever strategy you guys have, you have to do it together. Like you have to sit down and you have to know how much each person makes and what the bills are and write that down and then see what's left over and decide where that money goes. Like, we're not financial experts here. We're not gonna tell you how much to save, how much to invest, where to invest, like all that stuff. But like you need to know.
SPEAKER_06Well, except unless you want to patreon.com slash to become family. Then you should then you should absolutely jump in there.
SPEAKER_01That could be your charitable giving. Um but like whatever your um like primary goal with your finances is, it has to be done together. Like you you both have to know how much money you have and then where it's going. Like that has to be that has to be clear. You have to know how much debt you have as a as a new family, you have to know how much income you have, and you have to know what your bills are.
SPEAKER_06I I would also think I actually feel very strongly about this point.
SPEAKER_01I knew that was coming. He told me to skip this question because he didn't feel equipped to answer it, and I said, let's do it.
SPEAKER_06You know what I feel strongly about? A lot of things, but I think couples should have joint bank accounts.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_06I I and I remember saying that at a couple of marriage preps, and people got upset. Because and especially like if you're if you are an older couple, and by older I mean like you're getting married not in like in your 30s, which is average now, like everybody's getting married in their 30s, like most likely you have a bank account with a ton of money in it. Not a ton, but like you you you you're getting in it with money in it. Well, more than like a hundred dollars to shift over. Like you have you have money, hopefully. I don't know. Sorry, I'm making assumptions now.
SPEAKER_00Okay, joint bank account. Joint bank account.
SPEAKER_06I don't I don't know your situation, I'm sorry, but still support us on Patreon. Um, uh so like you if you're in your 30s and you have a bank account and you like you've been you you like say you you got a house, you have an apartment, whatever, and like you're you you already have a way of paying your bills. Like it's easy to get married and be like, let's just keep everything the same. I pay for the the this this isn't this, you pay for whatever else. Um and I think that's I don't think that's prudent.
SPEAKER_01I think any time okay, this is an overgeneralization.
SPEAKER_06Do it, do it, join me on the dark side. Everything is great or everything is terrible.
SPEAKER_01Like I think for a lot of these joining of lives things, you should do the harder way. You're thinking of ways, uh you're thinking of time, so that might not be true. As am I, but I think like, okay, so if your inclination is to say, well, it's just easier, I'll just keep doing these bills, and then you can do those bills. Then you have missed the opportunity to have those conversations to talk about like what does that really mean? How does that get done? Where does that money come from? What happens if one of us wants to become a stay-at-home parent? What happens if one of us wants to change careers? What happens if we have a raise? Where does that money go? Like, if you're going to just say, well, it's just easier if we keep blank, then you didn't have the opportunity to set a foundation and then you don't have anywhere to go from there when things change. So I think that when you get married and two become one, that includes your bank account.
SPEAKER_05It should. Yes. Should include your bank account. I agree.
SPEAKER_01So you sit down with a pencil and paper and you write everything down and you talk about it.
SPEAKER_06Well, you know what's hard? I do think that a lot of people at least now like promote the dual bank accounts because of like there's in the past women have not been able to get out of marriages because they're stuck in like not having their own financial independence. So I how would you like kind of balance that advice with with knowing that that I I think that is a motivation for a lot of people, but at the same time, like you shouldn't go into marriage like if you're entering that way, then that is a clue that that is not the person you should be marrying. Yeah. Well, but and that's that's kind of why we want to do the podcast. Because I think there's a lot of fears going into marriage because they haven't people haven't seen what marriages could be. So like that's what you're doing.
SPEAKER_01I said that really bluntly, but like Welcome to the Dark Side. Like, if that honestly is a fear that you have, like an honest fear, not a like, well, what if this doesn't like those intrusive thoughts can come in, but like if that's really something that you have sat with often, then you are not ready to get married.
SPEAKER_06Right, because I've checked the bed and you are not hiding a thousand dollars there in case you need to Skidoosh.
SPEAKER_01All right, that was a blunt way to end the conversation, but we'll with Skidoosh. You're right. That was very blunt. Um, we did have a question about setting boundaries with in-laws, and I know that we mentioned like holidays a few questions ago. We do have another episode on the basics of setting boundaries with in-laws. It's like one of our first ones. So I'll put it in the show notes. I'm gonna
Discerning when to conceive
SPEAKER_01answer that by sending you to another whole podcast episode. Okay. Um this one. Ready? I think you're gonna like this one. Um, discerning when you try to conceive. We have another podcast about that. We do a little bit. A little I but see, I I don't I don't know. Maybe because I saw these questions before you did, I pop these questions on you, but I look at them. Um one thing I did want to say about discerning when to have children. So trying to conceive when to have children. I really think that the question really more needs to well, okay, so a couple things. One, I really think the question more needs to be like, should we be avoiding pregnancy right now versus like should we be trying to conceive, right? Like I think that like when you go into marriage like at any time in marriage, it's unless it's like a health thing where you're like, okay, we've been we've just been living married life and no baby has happened yet, should we be more um intentional about trying to conceive? That's definitely a question. Like that's definitely something to consider and discern. And do we want to you know seek um seek some help in like achieving pregnancy? Um but I think that like it shouldn't necessarily be like a switch from trying to avoid pregnancy to trying to switch, it should more be a should we still be avoiding pregnancy right now? Because um, I think that that can sometimes like turn the conversation of like children into like commodities or like have we achieved enough things and now we're ready to settle down and have babies? Like, no, you're a family, so like have you had legitimate reasons to not add to your family? Then cool. Um, and that's between you guys, but yeah, just to kind of flip that question on its head a little bit.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, um, and I also I like the the advice, not advice really we it was in another conversation we were having, but that um I think we need to start adding into like our our vernacular as as in in in Catholic world, um, that if you are not able to be grate parents to your kids to the point not great parents, if you're not able to like to to parent your kids and and give them the lives, how do I word this? Um do you know what I'm trying to get to? Um because I I okay, because like I don't want to say in a way that's like, yeah, I can't reach that goal, so therefore blank. Um like if so like if if you and I so this is fine, we'll use our own example. Like if you and I would not be able to continue to be the parents that we are to our kids if we were to add to our family, I think that's a that's a legitimate discernment that you can make to not uh to try to avoid. And I don't think that's spoken about enough. That like there's there's there's a responsibility we have in our vocation to our children that we have um that that are currently in our home. And if we're not able to continue to fulfill that vocation well by adding to our family, there you go. I said it. So if we're not able to f to fulfill that vocation well, I don't think I think you it is that's a legitimate reason to avoid. Yeah. Um and I don't think we talk about that enough because I think there's the the uh like can you financially provide for them? Um, you know, I think financially is usually what everyone thinks about, but then also like, but is is how is this gonna affect us as parents?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_06Um and I and I think that's scary. That's the tough about that is that it's super subjective because like you might be okay though, right?
SPEAKER_01And like you are stretched with every child. Exactly. So like, yeah, every child's gonna be hard. Yes. But like I I do think that and that's and that's again where like all of this continual conversation and the need for like good, consistent prayer life and keeping tabs on your psychological well-being and your physical health, and also like how are your children doing? And do they have any special needs? Do they are they lacking in anything that you could or should be giving them and things like that? And that's outside of the financial realm. That's part of it. This is like a holistic picture.
SPEAKER_06Um, like what you said is important the prayer part because we could rationalize ourselves into anything. Oh my goodness. Yes, like like if you think of we, yeah, we could can say, like, well, no, after after this many, it's too much for me now because I'm so stretched. Like being being able to be honest with your spouse, being able to be honest in prayer, um, but also being being willing to like, all right, but is God asking me to stretch? Um, I would say that I'm not gonna say which kids, but like there is with certain kids, like we I remember being like, all right, we we are ready to add. And feeling and not because like we're ready to add because like we hit it financially, but just like no, we're in a good rhythm. We we feel like we could we could we could we're supporting our kids well and then add we would love to be able to add to more and like support more to um and then there's also ones where we're just like we're we're both drowning right now, um, but then kids came anyway, and I and we're okay. Um, but I think it's worth discerning it still to so that you don't get to a point that you end up having more kids than you and your spouse can can handle, because I think that's detrimental to the children as well, because like then they don't have this parent, they don't have the present parents that they deserve.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And looking around at like at your again, this is this has to be founded on prayer, but like looking around at your support system, looking around at your extended family, looking around at your schooling choices and your like there's so much to it. Um, but there's a papal document and in it it talks about responsible parenthood too, and it kind of gives some guidance on like what that what that looks like, not just from there's a few that talk about it.
SPEAKER_06I know it's in in um there's a bunch.
SPEAKER_01Okay, you're the theology major.
SPEAKER_06Well, I sorry, you said as though like so I was like, well, which one are you which one are you talking about? Which one are you talking about? Um I don't remember. Last one though, is I don't know. We we are I'm a I'm chalk full of unpopular opinions this evening. Um but also like I don't with discerning kids, like I'm not a big fan of having the older kids take on parent parenting roles.
SPEAKER_01Well that drive that drives us.
SPEAKER_06Another seven minutes on the clock. No, so like no, but I'm I'm I'm all for giving more responsibility to our children. So like I like our oldest two, they have way more responsibilities than I think most kids their age do, which which I'm fine with. But we try to make sure that we're very clear, like you're not a parent, though.
SPEAKER_01Yes, their responsibilities are not involving their younger siblings. They're responsible for like observing if an unsafe situation is happening and to scream about it. Like that's about it.
SPEAKER_06Or intervene if you're big enough to pick the other one up.
SPEAKER_01If you can pick the other one up before they fall off the table, you could you should do that. But um, like a phrase that we say a lot is you are not the mommy or daddy. It's not your job to tell them what to do if they're not if they're not doing what they're expected to do or their own responsibilities. It's not your job to remind them to do it, it's not your job to tell them how to do it or when to do it. That is mommy and daddy's job. Yeah, yeah. But that's yeah, that's a big phrase that we say a lot. You are not the mommy and the daddy.
SPEAKER_06And like they, I I know that like Colby mostly, because he's in John Paul too, like they've helped change diapers, like they've helped do things for the siblings, and I know that having five kids is easier because we do have two older boys that like help mind the other kids, like make sure like you know, can you just keep an eye on him, make sure he's safe? Like stuff like that, I think is is within reason. But I I know that like if as we continue to have if we were to continue to have more kids at this time, like the a lot more would fall on them where they are no longer distilled not no longer able to be kids because like now they're they become second parents, and and especially with like you see the age gap between Colby and Ben, it's so big, like imagine an even bigger age gap, like he's a 10-year-old with a baby, like that you automatically start doing that.
SPEAKER_01So there's an inclination to yeah, which is fine, yeah.
SPEAKER_06And I think it's fine as long as he keeps it in the frame of like I'm an older sibling, yeah. So like it's not like this is all on me, right?
SPEAKER_01And I think that that you don't have to do this for that child's well-being.
SPEAKER_06Right.
SPEAKER_01You do that because you love them. You do that because you love them and you desire that and you want to show affection or you want to show care, but like that is not on your shoulders to have to do those things.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, and what's hard is that like we've seen that happen, right? And we and we don't want that to happen with with with our family. Because we've seen like when families have stretched to that point, and like now there's there's a lot of overlap. Of responsibilities and in and I think ultimately there's confusion of like who's who says the who's the final say who's in charge and like that should never be a question.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And like and your children deserve to be children. Yes. Like that's that's their vocation right now. That's their job right now is to be childlike and to be children.
SPEAKER_06Because it na the play play is very natural to them, and and unfortunately for adults it's not. And like the sooner they start embracing responsibility, the the less they start being inclined to openly play, which takes away from their mood, it takes away from so much of their learning, their understanding. Um so I think that that's that should be part of the if it's not already, it should be part of the of what you're throwing into the discernment. Next question.
SPEAKER_01Next question. What virtue personally inspires each of you most?
SPEAKER_06Oh, I saw this one and I loved it.
SPEAKER_01And we love the person who asked. We know this
What virtue personally inspires you the most?
SPEAKER_01one.
SPEAKER_06You go first. Do you have it? Do you have set answers?
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_01I want to hear you.
SPEAKER_06Why? Alright. Um I have the one that I want.
SPEAKER_01I I try to work on most, I guess. Sorry.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_01You answer.
SPEAKER_06So, alright, so I had a thing for work I had to go. I'm trying to put things together with put a th a resource together for the virtues um that I need a lot of help on because like I'm not super clear on how to I I have an I feel like I have an understanding of things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I want to make sure I have a correct understanding.
SPEAKER_01Some of them sound a lot alike.
SPEAKER_06Yes.
SPEAKER_01From our like eighth grade definitions of them. Sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Yes, maybe I don't remember. I don't remember what our first year of marriage was with eighth grade definitions. Um, so so I was reading the the um St. Thomas' Aquinas Summa Theologiae, which is the summary of theology that he wrote. Um, and in it he talks about the virtues, the four cardinal virtues of of prudence, temperance, uh, justice, and fortitude. And under three of those, there are um what he calls like connected virtues, so like parts that like and it's basically it's like a break, a broken down, like fortitude is this, these things fall under fortitude. Um, so I one thing I've I've always been fascinated with the virtue of magnanimity. And um, so like I because I never understood it's like magnanimity is great is is uh greatness of soul. So like how how can you have greatness of soul? Like, aren't you supposed to be little? Aren't you supposed to be meek? So, like to to have greatness of soul being a virtue, so like that's something that we should have in through Christian excellence, um, has just always been something that that's that's fascinating to me. And one of like, I don't know how to acquire that, I didn't know how to pray for it, I didn't know how to exercise it. Um, and I last I really read about it was probably five, six years ago. Like I kind of read about it and then I kind of left. I was like, I don't understand this, I don't know how this fits with humility. Um, but so reading it again, reading about it again was very interesting. Um, because uh if so what you could, and this is from Aquinas, like you could read it as like magnimity is like the the the desire for great things, to do great things, um, which isn't a isn't bad in itself, which I always like that to me was like, what? Isn't that a bad thing to want to do great things? Like, shouldn't you only want to do God's will? Um, but that's assuming that God doesn't want you to do great things, but he does. God wants you to do great things. So the desire to do great things is a virtue that we can cultivate. Um, and then right under that virtue, sorry, these are all connected to fortitude. Um, and then under that virtue is magnificence, which is the doing great things. So there's the the the desire to do great things is a virtue within itself that you could cultivate to like to see a thing. And this is like, I'm not saying let's see, this is this is the this is the hard part of like this is why I struggle with this, but like like we see a need. So, like, okay, married couples don't you know, they don't get a lot of pre cana, they don't allow to have a lot of mentorship, they don't know, they don't have people to walk with them when they're married. So, like I wish there was a way we could do that. So now I have a desire for a great thing, and then I'm like, all right, we're gonna do a podcast that's doing the great thing. So like that's that's as messy and it's perfect, and it's not perfect, and it's not like it's not super huge, but like so that's magnanimity and then magnificence, because magnificence is the doing of the great thing, and um I realize that like I need to start not just praying for a growth in that virtue, but just like exercising it and and learning to be more comfortable in in those two virtues because um I always want to knock myself down a peg because I'm always afraid I'm gonna get prideful, which is so weird. Like, I have such a fear of pride that like I kind of try to make sure that like I'm never letting my head get too big, which I really just think I undercut myself so I don't ever strive to be as great as I think God wants me to be, because I'm always trying to like, oh no, no, like you like this podcast isn't like like it's great that we're doing this. I don't know how big it's gonna get. I don't really care. I'm I'm happy that we're able to be with the people we are with and they're able to listen and we're able to help people. Um, and that's a great thing. So those are the two um virtues that I've been um, at least like this past week, I've been trying to reintegrate back into my prayer life because I don't because I kind of left it alone for a while. Um, and then also make like that like magnanimity with humility. So like striving to do great things, but then with humility, like you're doing everything for the glory of God, and that it's not focusing on you but focusing on others and focusing on God. Um, and and seeing yourself as you actually are, and then also taking that like how can I serve others with this, right? So, like I've been able to like, okay, I can keep these together. Um, which is so those are the ones that I've been yes, this is what happens when I read things and I'm just like, oh, I love this.
SPEAKER_03Good thing it's a good thing.
SPEAKER_06Good thing it's your job. Integrating this forever. But I and I just I think that we would benefit as as a church with having like a re-education of virtues and re-understanding, because I think all of us would want to have want to live better lives in general, just like want to be as excellent as we could be in in different areas of life. Um, I think learning the virtues is necessary too, to be like, oh, I I don't have these. So like gratitude is a virtue, right? That's under the virtue of justice. That's that's a connected virtue of justice, because like justice is is giving what's due to the thing that it's due to. So like I need to grow in gratitude. Like, so recognizing like, oh, this is a virtue I have to grow in, not just a thing I need to do better, which is it is a thing I need to do better, but like understanding that it's something that you need to practice and you need to pray for, and it's done by grace. Like, I think understanding the virtues as a as in in seeing how they connect with holiness and Christian excellence, I think is to me, I think is so necessary. Sorry, obviously I'm excited. I talked for the whole seven minutes. Monica, your virtues. Sorry, I got excited.
SPEAKER_01Well, I always have um on on our on our big chalkboard in the kitchen where we have our meal planning, our calendar. I always have the virtue to practice of humility. It's supposed to be erased and changed every week, but I just keep leaving it. Um, because I really think it's so important for me to learn and for for all of us in our house to learn how to see ourselves as God sees us. Um and that um, yeah, in in like in our potential for greatness and in our littleness and like keeping that in balance and yeah, and just seeing because I can be my toughest critic, and so that's not seeing myself the way that God sees me. Um, and then sometimes I can get over enthusiastic about things and like not include God in my decision making or my actions, and that's not humble either. And I like I kind of need to work on that. Um I also I don't know what you are so much smarter than I am.
SPEAKER_06Um of us has a math degree, it is not I.
SPEAKER_01Um I so and another thing that I try to do, and I don't know what virtue this is actually labeled as, but um to like to say yes when God asks me to do something is something I try to do. Um so I have fiat. I need visual cues, obviously, because I have humility written hugely in the middle of my kitchen, and I have fiat tattooed on my wrist. Um, and I keep it there. Well, one, because I paid for it to stay there forever, but um just to remind myself to like to say yes to the things that are in front of me that God has given me because there's a tendency to want to avoid them or to overanalyze them or to be scrupulous. So I don't know what that virtue is, if that even is a virtue. That's faith. Okay, okay, faith. Then I want to work on my faith. Okay, thank you for right? Wouldn't that be faith? I don't know.
SPEAKER_06May I tell me trusting trusting God and acting on it and like trusting and moving and doing what he's calling. Yes. I would say that that's faith. That's good. All right, um but no, but Noah, I'm not done. I mean, you're not done. Well, um, I just because you said the thing with humility and like that sometimes you get excited about a thing, you would just want to like go with it. Um I don't see, and this that's what I struggle to is like feeling like that desire because it's it's the moving without God that's the problem. Yes. But sometimes like I've quenched the desire because I'm like, I feel like this whole like I throw the baby out with the bathwater, you feel like the whole thing is wrong. Yeah. But the desire itself is is magnanimity.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06And if you bring God in it with you, then it's a virtue.
SPEAKER_01Okay. But sometimes it's like foot and mouth. I just Oh.
SPEAKER_06I never do that, so I don't can't relate.
SPEAKER_01Next question.
SPEAKER_06Wait. Last thing.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_06Well, you're humil so humility falls under temperance. Is that interesting to you?
Importance of friendship outside of marriage
SPEAKER_00Thank you for sharing.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Is that interesting? You don't want to know more? Fine. I'll keep the resource to myself.
SPEAKER_01How much time do we have left? How many more questions are we gonna do?
SPEAKER_05I don't know. Keep going. Never done. Magnanity.
SPEAKER_01Importance of friendship outside of spouse for your marriage.
SPEAKER_04Very good.
SPEAKER_01Very important.
SPEAKER_04Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very.
SPEAKER_01So, yes. I think But I think to clarify, I we talked a little bit about like if you're doing the things that you were doing before you're married when you're married, that's that means you're not married.
SPEAKER_06What? Sorry. Yes.
SPEAKER_01But like, so I think that like the way that friendships need to be cultivated may look different in marriage, right? So like going out with friends at the detriment of your vocation is not a good idea. But um, but I do think that like having good, solid, actual friends who are like encouraging you and supporting your marriage and supporting your spouse, wanting your good, holding you accountable, like those are really good things to cultivate, absolutely, because you cannot live on an island in your marriage. Like to have people who care about you and support you is really, really important. And there you will absolutely, I promise you, come to times in your life where you cannot do things alone and you need people to lean on for prayer, for like actual generous support. Um and so, yes, make friends.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, no, I think I and I I like our friends add so much to our lives. Um yeah. Uh and for those of them that listen, thank you for listening. But um just like it's they they add so much to our lives and we're so grateful.
SPEAKER_01Um and they add to our family now too, because like their children being friends with our children is just the most beautiful thing to see too.
SPEAKER_05So Well that's something did I talk about gratitude? Yes. Did I this time? I don't think I did.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, you t you talked about practicing being uh gratitude in prayer.
SPEAKER_06Related to what though? Who am I grateful for?
SPEAKER_00Do it just in case. Okay.
SPEAKER_06I need to be more grateful in prayer, specifically for our friends, because no, yeah. So I was listening to a I listened to a video today, listen watched. I listen watch on YouTube. I put a video on and I don't watch, I just listen to it. Um by Father Gregory Pine about the um like his it's called like steps to the mystical life or whatever, but he talks about or whatever. He talks about Saint St. Francis of Sales um and like steps to prayer from him. And one of them is is like after you pray and you receive something from God, you come up with a resolution. Um and he doesn't mean it's not like a resolution like a new resolution, like I'm gonna do this every day, but more of like in that moment you come up with a with what is God calling you to right now. And his example was gratitude in his prayer example. Um, and I was like, oh man, I don't ever come to that kind of resolution in prayer of like you know, I go to prayer, ask for healing, I you know, or or Thanksgiving of like thank you for blank, but like not ever like a deep, like deeper than just saying thank you, but just being super grateful for um, in particular our friends. Like, I I think I'm I'm I'm always thanking, and I am very grateful for for you and for the kids, but I think um not just like our community, like quote-unquote community, but like no for like thank you for this person and for this person and for this person because like they make such big impacts in our lives that I think that um you know, in our humanists, like we could always assume they'll always be there and and assume that this is always gonna be the way it is, but like I'm very grateful for them. Um and I think that's something to I don't know. I just think that's something to consider. So like even if you don't have a huge friend group or whatever, like the people that you do have though, like be be grateful for them because friends um support us so much, and like those, those, those relationships add so much to our lives. Um though, back to the play personalities, um, I think that it's important too to it if you like understanding like the difference in friendships that you have, and then understanding like I enjoy being with these people because I get to do this with them. Because like a lot of times, like what we'll do is um like we have the virtuous friendships, the people that will call us out and call us up and and um be there to support us, and like if you need something, like call me, whatever. But then there's also friends who are just like I like playing with them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_06So like the four there, there's eight pre play personalities according to the whole time. I've had this open since the first question. Um, the eight person this is gonna make sense. The eight play personalities by Dr. Stuart Stuart Brown um are this ready? The Joker, a person who loves to joke and make others laugh. The artist slash creator enjoys creating and making things, the explorer, a person who loves to explore something new or different. The competitor loves a competitive game with rules and likes to play to win. The director enjoys executing events, loves the organization. The collector enjoys gathering interesting collections of objects and experiences, the kinesthetic and kinesthetic mixed together. Someone who loves to move and push their body and see what it can do, and the storyteller uh loves to use their imagination uh to tell stories in writing or action. And like, so from those examples, like what would you say some of your play personalities are?
SPEAKER_01Kinestathlete, kinetic kinesthetic. Um can I look at them? Sorry, you read them all, and that's a lot. Um I would say yeah, I would I would say that. I would say the director.
SPEAKER_06Yes, I tagged you for that.
SPEAKER_01Those are probably my two favorite. And then you you're a little bit of all of them. You just love to play.
SPEAKER_04I think that's an ADHD thing. Because like in any moment, at any time.
SPEAKER_01Yep, because you love to make jokes, you created this podcast, you like to explore might not be.
SPEAKER_06It does say that you don't have to explore physically, it can just be in your head.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's yep, because you just go off to places I've never even imagined existed. You love games and you love to win.
SPEAKER_06I love competitive games, because like for I if a game doesn't have rules that that I think are equally distributed. Yep, apples to apples. He hates that game. That's the worst game because you it's it's completely subjective and people don't understand things.
SPEAKER_01Um, I would say director is probably lowest on your list. That's your job. That's your job.
SPEAKER_06I don't like it.
SPEAKER_01The collector, uh, Pokemon cards, action figures.
SPEAKER_06I I don't collect them anymore. The kids do.
SPEAKER_01I pass that on to my children. Okay, but you kind of nerd me when they when you make decks.
SPEAKER_04They collect for me.
SPEAKER_01You you definitely love to exercise and play like basketball and stuff, and definitely storyteller. Like you this might not be something that our listeners know about you, but we make our children and Renzo make like short videos all the time, and he likes scripts them and we make movies, we made like 10 to 15 minute movies. We have costumes with a whole plot and Renzo's in charge.
SPEAKER_06We've done what three so far. I think we've made three movies. Um, since I think Gianna was like we do like one a year. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Since she was like two.
SPEAKER_06Was it for Father's Day we did the last one?
SPEAKER_01I think it was yeah.
SPEAKER_06That's so bad. I I choose the like the worst days to do it too, because I'm like, all right, we're gonna make a movie today, and that also means to me I'm gonna edit it right after, which is like three hours long. So we're just gonna sit on the couch while I edit this whole thing because we're gonna play on the screen and just do things. But like I really I love doing that with them.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and I'm hoping that they get to well Cody's getting very excited, he keeps asking for the next one. He wants me to make it anywho. All right, so friendships also be friends with your spouse, I think is what we're trying to say.
SPEAKER_06No, well, no, but I would sorry, we were we got off on a tangent. What I was gonna say is that like you you will have some friends that you you will feel filled up by doing certain things with, and like that's okay to not feel like you have to do this with everybody. So like I can I can pick out different friends that I yeah do different things with.
SPEAKER_01And I think that's the difference, like that's what elevates friendships, though, is like knowing that about one another. So like instead of just saying, like, oh, let's go out for drinks or whatever, but like engage in that like storytelling like conversation, or go out and like, yeah, uh you talked about max throwing, like go do that with like the friends or a yearly murph. The Labor Day annual murf. Um, yeah. So yeah, like picking that out and like being intentional about doing those things with that particular friend and like fostering your friendship that way.
SPEAKER_06That's a kickboxing class. There's also like friends that like I I know, like I'll just get together with just to joke.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Like just to goof. And like silly. Yeah. So like there's there's things that that's okay, it's okay. And I think that's important to help build up friendships. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Love it.
SPEAKER_06But thank you guys for being here. And um, we will thank you for your questions. Yeah, thank you for your questions. Um I'm and yeah, I'm I'm getting a little over Instagram. Yeah, but we are there, we're still there.
SPEAKER_01So there, less frequently.
SPEAKER_06I just wish there was another thing we could do, but like it's just I don't understand the algorithm. I don't understand any of the things. Um I loved I love that we can connect with people as much as we do though. Um, and if you want to help us with the algorithm, please rate and review the podcast. Just keep getting out there. More people are listening. Um, it's funny, I think more people listen to the podcast than interact with us on Instagram now, which is really great. Like, so there's people listening that you probably aren't even on Instagram, so please stay off. Don't go, don't go. But like, but um, but definitely please continue to rate and subscribe um and review, it just makes a big difference.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And just know that we are praying for you, we are rooting for you. Um we so appreciate these like honest and vulnerable questions because they are things that we have asked ourselves, they're things that we ask continually. And um yeah, thank you for joining us for this conversation.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, see you in the next episode.
SPEAKER_01Thank you all so much for listening. We're so glad you're joining us. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast and leave us a review. We're so grateful for your encouragement and ask that you prayerfully consider becoming a podcast patron. Your financial support can help us keep projects like this podcast going. Visit patreon.com slash to become family to become a monthly donor. We'd also love to connect on Instagram at ToBecome Family. Let us know what you would ask if you had Pre Kingdom with the Pope. See you at the next episode.