Two Become Family Podcast: Conversations and Encouragement For Your Catholic Family
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Two Become Family Podcast: Conversations and Encouragement For Your Catholic Family
185. Unspoken Expectations and Premeditated Resentment
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We are back! Back to conversations on the couch, and today we're talking about how unspoken expectations can become opportunities for future resentment. We share about how we've navigated speaking our minds and how we've worked through our own resentments. We're so happy you're here.
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And welcome back to our next episode of To Become Family. We are in the Easter season, still recovering from all of our ailments from the car accident. I was not in it, but I'm still ailing. I'm still ailing.
SPEAKER_01Still have secondhand ailments.
SPEAKER_00Secondhand ailment. Um, but we are we're gonna be talking today about Monica doesn't even know. I don't.
SPEAKER_03I'm a little nervous. This is how our marriage is, though, guys. Surprises. Surprise, surprise.
SPEAKER_00All right. I don't even so this is what we're struggling with, guys. We want to keep, we we feel like the these conversations are uh wait. If you're just if you haven't been around for a while, we're back, we're not putting this on YouTube, so you will hear the conversation sound sound more like a conversation, less like a YouTube video. And maybe you'll like that. Um and may or maybe you'll go back to criticizing all of the banter and all of my jokes, and you can leave.
SPEAKER_02But I am but that this is not for you.
SPEAKER_00But um, we're struggling with like how what to talk about next, just because we've talked about so many things. If you go back through all of our episodes, like we have quite a been doing this for a little while now. Yeah. Um, so today's episode is not super thought out, but I think it'll be a conversation. It'll be good. Um, because I found a quote chatting. I found a quote that I thought was good, and I think from there we will just jump off and talk. But we still keep it to the same length as the other ones. Ready?
SPEAKER_03I think so.
SPEAKER_00All right. Ready? I think this is a cool thing. Like, let's find like a secular quote and be like, oh, that's good. Let's unpack the wisdom in that. Unspoken expectations become premeditated resentments.
SPEAKER_01Who said that?
SPEAKER_00Uh it was on Chris Williamson's newsletter.
SPEAKER_01So he said it?
SPEAKER_00No, he heard it from something and didn't attribute it.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00So like I didn't feel like I had to attribute it. He said, he said. He's it's like kind of like this Michael Scott Wayne Greske thing, except he it's as though Michael Scott said it and did not attribute it to Wayne Greske, but didn't attribute it to himself either.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Because he's he is a unmarried 30-something. Um sorry, not Michael Scott. Chris Williams.
SPEAKER_01Also him.
SPEAKER_00But uh, but I thought the quote was really good because I think you and I have gotten better in the most in our most recent years. That was a weird way to say it. Um, with the resentment, not resentment, with expectations piece. Yeah. Um, one thing you and I both reflected on during this like car accident time, with all the like different stresses that come from it, how if this has happened to us, you know, 10 years earlier, um, it would have made our like we would have probably not survived marriage because like we would have suffered through that a lot more.
SPEAKER_03Like our relationship would have suffered through that as well as our bodies and our minds. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, because we just the way that we handle it is different. So, and I thought this quote was very good about that. About like uh what what was it? The quote is again unspoken expectations become premeditated resentments. What say you? Do you agree?
SPEAKER_03I agree mostly, but the premeditated part is peculiar to me. But okay, um but unspoken expectations are really yeah, they're they're bound to become resentments. And I think that that's I think that's been true in our relationship, and I think that's why these last few weeks have been pleasant relationship-wise, because we've been, I think, have have worked on that a lot. Like, I think we've been preemptively communicating about our thoughts so that our expectations don't go unspoken. Yeah. Um, and so that way when we come across like the next hurdle in this process of all the things, like there's just so many things. There's financial things and there's physical healing things, and there's emotional things, and just being really tired. And oh, also like our kids just want to be normal kids and they can't such so keep going.
SPEAKER_00Sorry.
SPEAKER_03That that was that should have been noted in the first episode. We're not going too nitty-gritty. Um, but I that was one thing that like when we were driving in the new car, new to us car, old car to other people, new car to us, um, was that that process of like picking a new car actually went so much smoother than it has in the past to begin with. And then in addition, like we haven't had to do that really under like high stress circumstances in the past and yeah, yeah, make a lot of quick decisions and the things that we were hoping for weren't available to us and stuff like that. And I think that we handle that really well because we shared a lot of like the thoughts that we had in our head.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think it's super easy to assume because you've because now we're 13 years into marriage. I guess it's similar assumptions to what we had early on in our marriage that because we were with this person for so long, like they will know what we're thinking. Um, and for the most part, like you're really good at like um mind reading or like knowing. Intuiting. Yeah, so well, this is one of the reasons why, like, with the book that I'm writing, like I had you look at a lot of stuff because you kind of understand like where I'm trying to go with certain things. Um, but even that is not something I should why is this phrase coming in my head? Uh hang my laurels on. Is that the phrase? Is that the phrase?
SPEAKER_02I don't know.
SPEAKER_00That feels very like welcome to Tobico Family 2026.
SPEAKER_02That feels very like red rising language.
SPEAKER_00Oh, shoot, I'm gonna go off too many things. I promise you I won't.
SPEAKER_03I thought that's what we're here for now. Your tangents.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03This is this is why we don't have a slideshow anymore, so that you can you can say the things.
SPEAKER_00Rest your laurels. Rest on your laurels.
SPEAKER_02Hang them.
SPEAKER_00You don't want to hang them.
SPEAKER_02You don't want to hang your laurels.
SPEAKER_00You don't want to hang them. You just want to too heavy.
SPEAKER_02You just want to rest on them. Like a pillow like a pillow.
SPEAKER_00He won one championship and and then just rested on his laurels. Uh relying on past achievements instead of continuing okay, using it, right? Instead of continuing to grow on your work. So thinking that because we were together for so long, we could just rest on our laurels.
SPEAKER_03Um I want to hang on to them. No, can't do that.
SPEAKER_00Too heavy.
SPEAKER_03Sorry.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah. So because of that, I think it's it's easy to assume that like you know, you know what I'm gonna say, you know what I'm thinking in terms of finances or um treatments, even just trying to schedule, like schedule our weeks out now because of the different situations we're in. Um, even like today in the kitchen, like just discussing of like, I know you want this, I I'm trying to reach this, I don't understand. The question, the way you worded the question was like, I don't know how to get to what you're asking. And I think I interpreted it as like I don't I didn't think my expectations were super clear, if that made sense. Like, I'm when there's a disagreement between us, I'm not looking at as much as so like you say you get uh I asked you for something and you don't do exactly what I ask. I don't see that as like you m misunderstood me, but more of I wasn't clear, and that was more on me. So I've tried to like I know I've I haven't always uh But it used to be Yeah, and I don't think I've articulated that to you actually. I don't think I've ever said this to you, but like I've tried to um internalize that more of like it's because my expectations weren't clearly uh expressed expressed, and therefore it's not your fault for trying your best to meet an expectation that you thought you were meeting. Um and I've tried to like that's something from Jacko Willing's extreme ownership of like if if somebody does something wrong in the field, like that's not on them, that's on you as the leader to blah blah blah, not being saying I'm a leader in the situation, but more of saying that like if I'm saying, hey, can we do this thing? And then you're like, Yeah, I just we did that, and I'm like, well no, I meant this. Well, that's on me for not expressing what I meant.
SPEAKER_03Well, if you're the one with expectations, then if they are not met, being curious about why and then owning your part of that is really important. One thing that we've um started to do when we at least when we feel like this isn't like there still seems to be some some level of confusion, um, is that we're like, okay, tell me what you think I mean. And like repeat back to me, or like, okay, then what what are you, what's your plan? What are you gonna do now that I've like expressed this expectation? And then if if the response isn't in line with what you're hoping for, then you've noticed that there's some sort of misunderstanding as well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, and I think that that extra step has helped us a lot instead of like coming back and being like, that's not at all what I meant, or that's not at all what I was hoping for, and then being disappointed or frustrated. I think that extra step of like, okay, tell me what you tell me what the plan is now, like that you th that you're interpreting.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um but I think too that one difficulty we've had with um expectations is well, two, well, I suppose two that I can think of. Um, one is that I am more of an internal processor, so I don't always express myself um promptly. And sometimes that's like necessary. And so I think I'm pretty good what if it's not something that has like a time crunch to it, but what's you I forgot what it was.
SPEAKER_00You said this week it was yesterday. I think you came back and you were like, I understand now what you mean after I processed it and why you yeah, oh, I I know I remember what it was now. Um, but and I thought that was cool that like you I didn't realize you had not I was the mouse. I I I had not realized that you had not processed it in our conversation.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00So like you you've definitely been able to work on that muscle, whatever that muscle is to be able to like like I'm listening and I'm internalizing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. But I haven't necessarily like put all-pickleball it. Pickle pickleball. Sorry. People sorry guys, I'm back. Grandpa. I'm back. Um, yeah. That I like I've listened, I've tried to internalize, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I know like the full picture or like where to go from there yet. Because I need to now go think about it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, I'm not quite as quick as you.
SPEAKER_00Right. But I think the premeditated resentments is super. I I guess the word premeditated in the quote in the whole quote. Let me read that. Let me read that quote again. Because I forgot it. Uh the whole quote is nope, that's chat GPT. Unspoken expectations become premeditated resentments. I think I agree with you in that like premeditated's a little like I'm not purposely because for the most part, it's not that I'm uh purposely not speaking my expectations. So therefore it's not premeditated that I'm trying to resent this. Um though I do think that in terms of a level of communication, if you aren't super, if you're not like if you don't put the hat on, like I have to have to always be super clear with my spouse because it's not fair to them to have to wrestle with unspoken expectations. I do think that it's on you then if you're being resent. Like then you're purposely, you're setting them up, you're setting them up, them and yourself up to be resentful later. So I do think there's a level of like you need to own the reality that like you have an expectation, it's up to you to say it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, that was gonna be my next point is that there's definitely been times in our relationship where I want you to know what I want. I want like I want I that's actually the thing that I want is for you to understand it and understand me and for me to not have to tell you. Like that's actually the it's not even necessarily the thing that I want. Let's say um how I want to spend my birthday. That's what I'm thinking because my birthday was not too long ago. And that like there were times where I just wanted you to know what I wanted so that I didn't have to tell you because what I actually wanted was for you to know. And that I think that withholding of information is where like that premeditated resentment, like that was that's unfair because I'm expecting you to be a mind reader, I'm expecting you to know things that like how would you know without me communicating that? And I think that that can be um a little bit of a trap that some women can fall into with this, I think especially with this growing understanding of mental load of like of women, wives, stay-at-home moms, things like that, that like we carry different things. Um but if we're not because part of it is that we want you to know, like we want we want the husband to know and not have to say it, but there's an unfairness to that if you're withholding on purpose, because yeah, there's been quite a bit of pushback on social media regarding mental load.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if you've you've seen any of it.
SPEAKER_03Some of it, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like there's there's there's a the camp that says, like, you know, women have a mental load, and then if the white husband's like, well, just tell me what you want and I'll do it, well then that adds more mental load to the wife, because then she has to then not only know all the things, but then she has to tell you the things and then has to follow up with you to make sure you did the thing and that just adds to the mental load. But then there's also the other side now that's pushing back of like women actually the wives in this situation have all of these unspoken expectations. So like you're actually setting up the husband for for failure because you have all these things in your head and you aren't are unwilling to share them because you're thinking it's unfair to add to your mental load, and then now you're resentful because they haven't done it, but like how would they know they had to do it? Yeah, we have a like I have a very a certain perspective on this, and I think we've we've kind of balanced out the in within our marriage of like the passivity versus also speaking of expectations. Um but like where do you fall on that on like the pushback people are saying? Because now they're like this is mental oat is uh is uh they'll be like mental load is made up, and then they'll be like this is weaponizing competence by the husband, yeah. And like it's gotten pretty interesting.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think that I think like in most things there's uh there's something in the middle that's true. It's only extremes. No, there's yeah, no nuance to anything ever.
SPEAKER_00Nope. This is why this podcast will never be huge because we will never go viral. We know how to sit on a fence, put the post in your mouth.
SPEAKER_03Name that, name that reference. Yes, um, yeah. I I think that there is a happy middle, and I think that couples that can find that happy middle will be happy because there's absolutely a trap for men to be passive, and women can then feel like they have another child that they have to give directions to. They feel like you should be an equal partner in the home. This is um, like one of the arguments too is like, well, I worked all day, and you're like, well, if you weren't married, you would work all day and then still come home and like clean your house and have to cook dinner and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_00That's another thing I saw that is so wrong. Okay. Because it's sorry, it was and like the way I see these things, either it comes up in a reel or something, but they were saying how like um that it's about like thresholds. So like the woman's threshold for when the bathroom needs to be cleaned is this. Yes, and then the husband's threshold is like higher. I'm like, listen, lady, yeah, there's no threshold. Yeah, if I'm single, yeah. There's a bathroom that the I don't give a hoot about it. There's a bathroom the guests use, and there's my bathroom. My bathroom looks fine, lady. I don't care.
SPEAKER_03So like I And if the guest bathroom looks bad, it's the guest small.
SPEAKER_00That's how we get the cleaning leave. No, but so there's so there that's yeah, yeah, there's a lot of sure.
SPEAKER_03Like yeah, it there's nuance to it.
SPEAKER_00It's like you need to figure out your own spouse and your own relationship and how you two are gonna work.
SPEAKER_03So yes, so I definitely think that passivity is a very real thing. I think that men can fall into that, like, oh, if you just tell me what you need, I'll do it. And that loads, that puts a burden on the women and it makes them feel like they have to nag um or things like that. I think at the same time, there is a trap for women to be, yeah, like control freaks in their home or have these expectations that they're not expressing and then are resentful because they're not being met. Um, so I think that there's definitely a both and. I think that men should be initiators. I think that's a part of masculinity. And I do also think that um women need to be a little bit more receptive to the help that they do get or the participation that they do get from their spouse who is not them. So they're not gonna have the things done exactly the way they would have done them.
SPEAKER_00The fights we've had over the dishwasher. I still stand firm, but I I I I I disagree with you 100%.
SPEAKER_03I know you do. It's fine.
SPEAKER_00I need to YouTube this. Like, what's the uh optimized way to do it?
SPEAKER_03A dishwasher, to load a dishwasher. Um, yeah, so I think that there's like a both and to it, but I think the the crux of it though, where couples can find less arguments over it, is this idea of like preemptively expressing yourself instead of preemptively getting resentful. Like I think that if you share how you feel and you share what you would like, and then the other meets that with openness and then like a conversation of this is what I'm capable of, this is what you know, like this is where I can start to meet these needs and like okay, like, and then we'll reevaluate after we've tried that a bit. I think that that's where good stuff happens.
SPEAKER_00You know where another thing I think is a problem though is that I think uh, and this is me making a huge assumption, but you never do that. You never I haven't done it in a while because we've changed the way we did videos. Um, I think the unspoken expectations happen too because when someone speaks their expectation, I think it becomes a confrontation because they don't know how to talk to each other, or either they they've had a history of always fighting over these things, right? So I think like a how is very very useful here.
SPEAKER_02I mean, can we like a book that we may have written?
SPEAKER_00Oh shoot, I forgot about that. No, no, no, I thought you were setting up a softball for I wasn't talking about that. No, I meant more of like so sure, how do we do it? Because so for me, sharing my expectations is very uh easy, but not I mean very blunt. Doesn't mean I'm very right. Well I can be blunt. I also don't, I'm not always very clear, right? Because sometimes, and a friend of the show has dealt with this too with not marriage stuff of like I will say say like yeah, I don't or just life stuff.
SPEAKER_03There's just a lot of stuff co-lifing together.
SPEAKER_00No, there's like say say my expectations are one, two, three, four, five. I know that I will say one, three, five and expect not expect I don't even expect that you'll like fill the gaps.
SPEAKER_02I'm just like oops, I'm not said all of them, right?
SPEAKER_00And then be like, wait, what? And for some things, like for like youth group, it's not that big of a deal if like they fill the gaps, but for like marriage, like not helpful. And then then, and again, that's why I've had to learn to take if something happens incorrectly, like that's on me, because most likely I know that like I have not been clear in the case. Yeah, yeah. Or the flip side is that like if I know if I come too harshly or bluntly, and then you start being defensive of like, all right, I was not clear because I did not the thing I was gonna the thing I was intending to say did not should not have elicited this, and most likely it's because of the way I said it, not because like we had an argument, I was like, I'm not trying to fight, yeah. Right. So, like what I was saying, and so because I I know if like what I'm saying is fighting words, like I know what fighting words are. I choose them. Right. No, I can choose like I can choose to be unhinged, and like if I'm being very hinged, and then the response is like, oh, we're fighting, I'm like, Wait, that's not what I wanted. So, like again, and that's not on the person, that's not on you as a receiver, that's on me for the way I articulated it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So that's another great point, though. Like that self-reflection, like the humility of the self-reflection of how this is going. Like humble, humble, like giddy.
SPEAKER_00Um just drink my tea while you keep complimenting.
SPEAKER_03But I think that's so important for this conversation about expectations and resentment, too, of like what is my part in this? And like just being honest with yourself about yeah, where that lies, because I I know that I can tend towards the withholding and want you to, I want you to understand, I want you to know, I want you to have perceived previous experiences that are similar to this and be able to know what I want right now, and that's unfair. And then, you know, for you to say that, you know, you can be a little bit blunt or you can leave, you know, you can unintentionally leave things out that like these are the things that are going to help you in your communication and your marriage, like being very real about yourself.
SPEAKER_00How do you get your how do you muster up the strength to be just like do your speak your expectations without being defensive or feeling like I'm gonna start a fight or whatever?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um I think for me, our slash my um affinity for like sports and teamwork and stuff. comes out that like I try to remind myself that you and I are on the same team. Like we are working towards the same goal. Like we both want to win here. Um and like what do we need to do to help make that happen? Because if if I think that we are pitted against each other, like that is the antithesis of marriage. Like we are not. We are we are in this together. So if it feels like we're not, then what needs to happen for us to be reunified in this like mission of whatever. Like it could be silly as far as like how to get out the door to mass in a timely fashion with the least amount of yelling or it could be like making a big financial decision of what new car are we getting. It could be like yeah the the healthcare of our whole family after a car accident. Like it could be a lot of a variety of things but um if I feel like we are in conflict one thing I try to remind myself of is that like we are on the same team. And so what are my strengths and what are my weaknesses? What am I bringing to the team? And I can control what I can control. So I'm gonna I'm gonna work on that first. And then because we have worked on that ourselves and because we feel like um we're self-aware and we're on the same team there's less shame in sharing that with the other. So like you have shared with me your bluntness like I'm I'm trying to be more gentle I'm trying to be more kind when I speak. So now I can say when you're not and be like I don't like how you spoke to me or like that wasn't really kind that wasn't and you don't take that as an attack but more of a reminder of like as a teammate like it's time to hustle you know like it's time like you got to play defense. Like it's it's it's like a reminder of like what's the strategy we're going for and I didn't perform that. I don't think that would have gone well at first like as we're trying to wrestle through this but the like the first being the self-aware and then getting comfortable in your self-awareness sharing that with the other and being like hey I'm working on this and like you know point it out if I'm not being successful because that's what I want to bring to the team like I want to bring that so that's been I think my perspective I like that how about you how have you worked on this I told I've that I feel like the whole episode I've been sharing.
SPEAKER_00But like what makes you think of it like when it's not going well what do you mean everything's always going well no uh I ooh dang it you lost your lost my string from a teabag um no joke there uh the no uh I think we I think I am go with the flow until the flow's not going and I'm like alright hold on what's going on here I'm being very serious I'm going with the flow until the flow's not going. Yeah then I'm like oh you know like what did I what did I miss? And then we'll figure that out. I'm like oh okay and then I try not to do the same thing next time. Yeah that's I feel like I don't know that's been mostly and it's funny because only been married 13 years and we are so far from experts. Right. And I it's funny because like we we share a lot of strategies and stuff being um whether we be like speaking in per speaking in person at at conferences and stuff or just even through um through social media through podcasting or if people ask us like hey what do you guys do for this um and it's cool to be talking now because I think the especially with like the car accident brought a lot of other stuff to the surface that we're like oh we do this I didn't realize we did this and things are going well because we do this thing. So like I don't I don't I don't pre-meditate a lot of sounds like an idiot right now. I don't pre-meditate a lot of the things I do if that makes sense. Yeah I definitely I don't think before I talk I don't I'm very like okay I think I really do that or you're like I'm hyper calculated.
SPEAKER_03No well no so I think what I do know when I'm gonna throw down what did you say before I know when I'm saying fighting words.
SPEAKER_00Yes no I think what I do is because I'm very good in the moment I know I'm good at things in the moment like I can I can freestyle rap pretty well kids think it's hilarious. Quick witted um you are I think so I think in the moment try not I think in the moment I will just like my default is like if something is wrong it's probably because I'm I did not articulate things well let me figure this out I try to be very self-reflective afterwards though so that I don't do the same behaviors again. Doesn't mean I always avoid them um but I think that's that's my main thing is I try to like look at see what what things led to this thing how can I avoid the all the antecedents prior to the thing happening again so I don't do that again. Because in the moment again I just try to love you I try to love the kids I try to be patient I try to do like act virtuously like I try I don't I'm not super complicated I'm not always thinking about like how I need to act unless there's possible danger around the corner then I'm in the I'm hypervigilant I go yes so like I can I yes so does that make sense yeah for how you see me am I lying because I also have a like it false view of myself I understand how I work I'm very aware very aware of my unawareness no you are very self-reflective I think you're very good at like apologizing after the fact if things didn't go well and you felt like you were to blame or you were a part of the blame. Usually um but again not because yeah I do think you're great that's not reason why I'm always apologizing. I do know that like oh I could have done this better.
SPEAKER_03I just I think that's another important part of like avoiding resentment is being like apologetic when you didn't do it well.
SPEAKER_00Some people struggle with apologizing though it's wild.
SPEAKER_03They really do. So I have gotten a lot better those eyes that was unfair now that we're not on you softball actually you said I'm playing volleyball spike out of the ground I you've gotten very good at apologizing. We just we our one of our recent episodes was rupture and repair I think that's a really important part of avoiding resentment is being better at apologizing or trying to be better at apologizing.
SPEAKER_00At a point in time in our marriage though you felt like apologize you felt shame oh 100% in apologizing because it meant that you did something wrong. Yes. Whereas now you're just like oh well now I did something wrong.
SPEAKER_03I'm a bad wife oh yeah I'm a bad mom.
SPEAKER_00Yeah shame I am not as no so I thought I think it's like you apologize well now because you're like oh I can do better at this thing next time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah that's fine.
SPEAKER_00It's safe it's a safe place to say that it's a safe place to have only our apologies some of our kids that have that trait can understand that. Is it hard to see that in them?
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah yeah same as when I see a kid breaking things I'm like that's me I want to uproot it yeah so that would be my other my from my personal experience of myself is like okay if I feel like resentment is brewing in me then is there something that I haven't um I haven't acknowledged like my part in it. Either it's like I've done something that I shouldn't have done or I again withheld like so I didn't express myself so that you knew what I was hoping for, what I was expecting and then to like go ahead and apologize and be like I was mad at you for something that wasn't totally your fault because I XYZ I forgive you thanks but so that's see look this is what we got to talk about from a quote from a guy that quoted another guy.
SPEAKER_00He said he said read the quote one more spoken expectations become premeditated resentments. So go out there and speak your expectations all of them kindly kindly at the right time not right before bed well I mean those to be the worst used to hate those talks if it's timely if it's timely if it needs to happen needs to happen. But um yeah thank you guys for being here we are gonna be recording more of these if you like the format let us know by leaving us a five star review on Apple or Spotify. Uh go and reach out to us on Instagram at to become family T W O Become Family we did write a book called Love Making how to talk about sex with your spouse.
SPEAKER_03So if unmet expectations are happening in the bedroom and you're not sure what to do about it or how to talk about it, we wrote a book for that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah just give them the book and now they know the expectations there it is that's it. Cost is sixteen ninety five conversation starter conversation starts talk about it first. And we will see you next week at the next episode.