Women & Money: The Shit We Don't Talk About!
Women & Money: The Shit We Don't Talk About!
The Cost of Goodbye: How Funeral Pre-Planning Saves Money and Heartache with Blair Overton
the conversation doesn’t make it go away. In fact, it can leave our loved ones overwhelmed, unprepared, and facing major financial stress.
This week on Women & Money: The Shit We Don’t Talk About, we sit down with Blair Overton, a fourth-generation funeral director in Iowa who has spent his career helping families through one of the hardest times of their lives. Blair pulls back the curtain on what really happens when it comes to funeral planning - the costs, the choices, and the conversations we avoid until it’s too late.
00:58 Meet Blair Oberton: A Legacy in Funeral Services
03:07 The Importance of Discussing End-of-Life Plans
04:47 Understanding Funeral Costs and Options
10:18 Pre-Planning and Financial Strategies
14:02 The Emotional and Social Aspects of Funerals
21:17 Practical Advice and Common Questions
Whether you’re supporting aging parents, thinking about your own plans, or just curious about what really happens behind the scenes - this episode is packed with insights you’ll be glad you heard.
Blair reminds us that preparing for the end of life isn’t about fear, it’s about peace of mind. If you’re ready to take that next step and learn more, join us on Oct 9th for our next Money Talks session: End-of-Life Planning Without Financial Stress: Insurance, Pre-Planning, and Legacy Tips. Click here to register for FREE and bring your questions!
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Maggie: All right, so I remember when grandpa died. I think I was in high school, I think we were living in the yellow house. And I was like, I'll drive over to his house with you. God bless grandpa. He just presses life alert and went back to bed. Like, couldn't get any easier than that. You and all 13 little siblings headed over there and we went to the funeral home and I could not imagine, like I, I was. Awestruck about the amount of questions we had to answer within like the first three hours of knowing this man has passed. I mean, what we want in these prayer cards, who we're going to email, whose names need to be in the, the obituary in the newsletter, and I have like 36 cousins, so it's like, who's last name is who you know?
And of like, it was amazing because there are so many of you. It's like everyone knows they're delegated. Spot. And so it was like, I'll take this, you take that. And it was a real divide and conquer, but I was like, man, like if you were an only child or even like just doing this with a sibling, I'm like, this is a ton of work.
And then we went back to the house and like everyone had a room that they organized and cleaned out. I mean, first of all, I [00:01:00] could understand how you grew up. Everything was get in, get out, get done. But I was just amazed about how much, even just that one day was done of like the day that he passed. I just will never forget that.
And I was like, wow, this is a lot of stuff. And then I think I remember finally seeing him like at the funeral home and that's when I finally like started crying. 'cause I was like, it was the time you could finally process. It was also the fire's time i've had nothing bunt cake. I was like, which was really good.
Barb: Your memories, huh? That's interesting.
Maggie: Yeah, somebody brought that, which clutch? I just didn't know that they asked so many questions and you had to plan all those things that day.
Barb: I know it's, it was a lot and thankfully, yeah, like you said, there's a lot of sibs in my family and many of us did go to the funeral home and had a lot of the information for them. Of course, I'm on the younger side of. The sibs so a lot of the olders had, one took the financial responsibility.
I know I took responsibility for a little bit of the [00:02:00] ceremony, and then for the after ceremony gathering. And then everybody, like you said, had a task to do and because we could divide and conquer, and that's kind of the Provo way we got it done. But you're right, I mean, there's. There were so many questions and it was a lot more expensive.
When I found out what it cost to print an obituary in the newspaper,
it was a couple thousand dollars
Maggie: I thought those were like complimentary.
Barb: I thought.
Maggie: Well, and then it was like I was just kind of blown away. I was like, why are we picking what's on this prayer card? Like a man just died. Like, aren't we mourning. Like he doesn't care what's on the prayer card. Like I don't know. It just, and so do you know, like I know they had their, both their burial spots, like pre-purchase before either of them passed and grandma passed first.
Did he have anything else planned or did we just decide it all that day?
Barb: We it all that day.
Maggie: Yeah,
Barb: There's kind of a standard routine for that generation, if you will. I mean, it wasn't a church and all, it was similar my mom had. [00:03:00] So we kind of followed that same protocol. He probably couldn't have cared what was on the prayer card, so we picked one that was pretty generic and, but we did what was typically done. yeah, I mean, I'm glad I brought you, not, you were just there ob observing of course, and you were with me, but I think it was a great experience for you to see. What happens and what takes place and what goes into it. 'cause it certainly made an impression on you.
Maggie: I mean, he was old, you know what I mean?
Like
Barb: was 94. Yeah. Living
on his own. He laid down
and, and he was gone. I mean, it couldn't have happened easier.
Maggie: But I mean, even our uncle who is the executor had. The, I think like the will already printed out. He was already calling the credit card companies. He was already calling the bank and I was like, all on day one. Like it's been three hours, they're just getting the body now. And then they had to check if his teeth were in
Barb: Well, and it was interesting because when they were bringing him out, I said to the funeral director, do you have a list of things like we should be doing now? Like a [00:04:00] checklist? And he said, no, we don't. And I thought to myself.
I think that's something I can create
because every funeral director should have that, right?
Because there was a list of things, a checklist that we needed to do to make sure everything was done, all the people we needed to call, all the documents we needed to get. And it doesn't end on that day, as you well know. And other people who've lost loved ones, they know you need several copies of the birth certificates.
And you know, my brother was the executor, so he had worked long beyond. That day
to wrap everything up, but it's a process
Maggie: Yeah, it was something I was, glad to experience. And so that's why we brought Blair on today, who's a funeral director. And just to kind of talk to a funeral director, like I always say on a random Wednesday when things are calm and easygoing, just to pick his brain and ask some of these questions. And he did also say about the importance of having these people together and paying your respects. And I remember, um. your dad had this [00:05:00] guy who came since your dad was a band director and taught at the high school, and some guy who said he was a student of his at the high school. Like this man was not a young man.
He was easily in his fifties. So like whoever it made that influence in you in high school. I was like, wow, that's really kind. And everyone was like, did you meet that man? Dad taught him in high
school. And I was just. that was crazy, you know? But I also love the idea of having the celebration because it's not like, oh, I wonder who's gonna come, but like, who's still out there that he made such a great impression on?
And that was just so interesting as you just think of like friends and family members,
Barb: And you know what? You remember who came because one gentleman who was a friend of my brothers said, well, I was reading the obituaries today. People read them and I saw your father's obituary. And I said to my wife, we have to go.
And they got dressed and came over,
which
makes such a me too, right? It makes such an impact.
And I always say, you need to get up and you need to go to those [00:06:00] things. It, you don't know the impact it makes on those people. And a friend of mine that I did triathlons with, you know, she wasn't a best friend, but I remember swimming with her and she showed up with her daughter and she said, I told my daughter, this is a friend of mine.
We're not far from this area. We're gonna go and pay our respects.
I every time I see her, I remember
that
Maggie: and then you had a really good friend who made us one of the best dinners that
night through the snow with Brownies. One of the best
meals I've ever had.
Barb: Yeah.
she trumped through the snow with huge amounts of food for us for when we came home, and I will never forget that, Ellen. yeah, it all matters. yeah. So let's get talking about what Blair has to say, because we really wanted to talk to a funeral director to talk about cost planning, celebration, and the importance of really making a plan for one's celebration of life.
Maggie: Let's get started.
Gloria [00:07:00] Steinem once said, we will never solve the feminization of power until we solve the masculinity of wealth. Barbara Provost and Maggie Nielsen are the team at purse strings that will help you navigate the ins and outs of financial independence so that you can be financially fearless. This is women in money, the shit we don't talk about.
Maggie: Welcome to Women and Money. The shit we don't talk about. This is gonna be a different and exciting episode. Our guest today is Blair. And so before we dive in, Blair, could you introduce a little bit about who you are and what you do?
Blair: Yes, so my name's Blair Oberton. I'm a fourth generation funeral director in Iowa. So my lineage goes back to the old furniture store, undertaker shop, where the gentleman who built the casket would earn a little bit extra money by laying out of the dead. And so that's my lineage. And so I've been in Iowa most of my years, I went to the [00:08:00] University of Iowa and got a degree in economics. And then. I wanted to see the world a little bit. So I went out to Boston, so in Boston's where I got my mortuary license, and then I came back and joined my father and his firm. And then my dad died young about 68 when he passed away.
And so I took a couple partners and we acquired my father's places, and then we acquired more places in Des Moines. And so I've been doing funeral service in a town of 800. I've done a funeral service in the Greater Metro. Des Moines, the largest city in Iowa, and I own two cemeteries and I also own a cremation society.
So I've touched all the bases in regards to end of life here in Iowa. And I'm blessed. My eldest son, Alex is a funeral director, so he's generation number five.
Barb: Wow,
Blair: Yeah.
Barb: Is that something he always wanted to do or came to work with you?
Blair: No [00:09:00] I really did not push it at all. He got a degree at Iowa, and then wanted to do business in some capacity. And so then his mother kinda leaned on him a little bit and I needed some help at the time. And i'm like, but it's gotta be Alex's choice. My wife's name's Whitney.
And she goes, I know. Let me handle it. So we had a lot of in-depth conversations about it, but he decided that he wants to do it and actually he's really got it. His mother's a nurse. My wife's a nurse, and she's really got that empathetic gene, and so Alex is really better at connections and building trust than I am.
And so I'm glad to have him.
Maggie: Yeah, I'm excited for this episode I know when we first had like an original conversation, we talked about how most people like don't talk into a funeral director until you know their first death in the family. And you were talking about how you should interview homes and all these things, which I found amazing.
So there's a thousand questions we're gonna cover today, at purse strings we talk so much about having your end of life plan and your. Date plan and all [00:10:00] these different things. And so we just thought this would be another fun aspect to throw in there. So just to get started, let's be real.
Most people would literally do anything else than talk about death. And so like, why do you think, we avoid these conversations so much, even with the people closest to us.
Blair: Mortality. When you're thinking about yourself, no one wants to face their own mortality, and even in the back of your mind, you're like, well, I'm gonna live forever. I don't need to go talk to a funeral director. And if you are the child of someone who is going to need services that is something too that, I don't wanna bring that up to mom, especially after they got sick.
So now they're gonna feel like you're gonna show 'em the door, so it's just one of those things that. It's just an easy thing to procrastinate. There's always gonna be another day, and so that's my 2 cents on it,
Maggie: Yeah, and I feel like I see this a lot, like when we talk about estate plans too, is some reason I feel that people, once they make [00:11:00] the document, then they're gonna die somehow. Like signing it finally, leads to death, which is not true. But sometimes it just seems that way. Once you talk about it enough it's gonna happen.
Which, granted it's gonna happen one day to all of us but it might not be today.
Barb: So I have a question. You've been doing this for a long time and small towns, big towns like you said, but what's something that people still don't understand about what happens when someone passes?
Blair: You have choices. One of the things that really surprises me is how many families that we talk to that come in with absolutely no direction, and it's like, you've never discussed this, and that is a true statement. They've never discussed it. There's so many things that you have to cover.
My dad always said, we wear a lot of hats. Not only are we a caregiver, we have to be a technician in regards to the human body. And you have to be a business person. So you wear a lot of hats [00:12:00] and we bring all of those to bear. Money has to do with everything. It doesn't matter what you do in America or what you want to pursue, one of the things you gotta figure out, okay, how much is this gonna cost me?
It is shocking the amount of times that people come in have no idea how much it's gonna cost, have no idea how they're gonna pay for it. And here we are, and it just, we have all this time to prepare and we just don't. So as far as what surprises me is no matter how hard I try, how hard it is to get in people to come and see me before they need me.
'cause that's the easier way to do it.
Barb: Well, you're absolutely right. I mean. The first time I ever talked to a funeral director was when my mother passed, and Maggie, I think you came with. And then a few of my siblings were there and they were going through all the different things that needed to be done and the cost associated.
I was shocked. I had no idea how expensive it was. And at [00:13:00] least depending on what your choices are, right? Blair, you tell us.
Blair: No, that's exactly so. In today's America, I own a cremation society and I own funeral homes. In my funeral homes. I have one that's very nice. Got a big chapel, a lot of parking. It's a really nice place. I also have another funeral home that caters to affordability.
It's a smaller place, less services, but you get the same people, the same care. It's just what are you looking for as a price point? I use that funeral home a lot when I'm going to the church. So if you're having your services at the church, you don't need my big beautiful funeral home. You've got that covered.
So, the Brooks or I name it Brooks, is a better option for you. And so the thing that people, when Maggie, you said it is, I've shocked you, told me to go look around and that's true. The number one reason to go to a funeral home is previously served. That's the people's first choice. Statistically, when our [00:14:00] association looks at those things, why'd you pick your funeral home?
Previously served as always the number one answer which is fine if they did a great job before, why wouldn't you go back? But if you are looking for options or you're new to an area, or you don't have that option anymore, take the time to go explore and see what other things might be of a better fit for you.
Mm-hmm. Of those questions you should ask? I mean, I feel like the options I know are like buried cremated ceremony, no ceremony. So like if you're interviewing places prior, like what are some things you should look at?
Final disposition. So what you said when you said burial or cremation or anatomical gift, we call those final dispositions. So if you know that you're gonna use cremation, then maybe a cremation society is something you ought to look into. Now most cremation societies help with cremation, but they really do not have a lot to offer as far as ceremonies or [00:15:00] celebrations of life or something like that.
If you are looking at funeral homes, because you want to have a viewing, that's the first thing I usually see with people is, okay, who still wants to see? Because here in Iowa, if doesn't. Even if you use my cremation society, we do call what's called a final viewing and it's restricted to immediate family 'cause we're not doing an embalming.
But if somebody does want to have a final view before the cremation take place, they can do that. Now, if you're gonna have a visitation, if you're gonna have a service where you're inviting people into the funeral home, you wanna have an evening of gathering so people come and pay their respects and then have a burial or a cremation after the funeral, then you're looking at a funeral.
Then you wanna see, okay, what funeral home amenities are meeting my needs? If it's, boy, sometimes somebody prominent or young or something passes away, you need to be cognizant of that, [00:16:00] right? How much space are we gonna need? How much parking are we gonna need? So having those things figured out, or take the time to do your due diligence to see what your options are.
I think that's good planning.
Maggie: I'm thinking about like different, I mean, I remember there were a couple kids in high school who passed away, and so almost the whole school comes, to the local funeral home in the town. And so, I mean, it was packed, which was, you wanna see, but it's also like, you are right. You have to make room and parking and all those things for everyone to come, which when you have the whole high school show up that's a big group of people.
Blair: Hope I never have to do it again. But I've had a couple, young people like that where we actually went to the school, we used the gym. It's the only place we could really get everybody in, if I never have to do it again, I'll be fine.
Barb: yeah. So if we're talking financial planning for funerals, what kind of monies do you think people should plan for? Like, was there a ballpark people should consider? I mean, I know there's probably a [00:17:00] range.
Blair: There is, and it's really geographically based. And I know your podcast is all over. And so for, here in Iowa, and I'm just sitting, like I was saying, this is just me in Iowa, just as a range to give you a little bit of a quantify, quantify it with my cremation society, I can do what needs to be done for 1,025.
There's not services, but I can take care of the needs, things that have to happen for disposition for a thousand dollars. In my Brooks places I can have a traditional funeral for about eight to 10,000 would be because you need the services, you need the casket, you need the burial vault, you need the cemetery.
Those things just add up. So in Iowa, you know you're gonna spend 8,000 at least, most likely if you're having a traditional funeral. It can go up from there big time. I know there's areas of the country where their average funeral price is 15 to $20,000. In a major metropolitan area at a high end location, but that's a big range.
That's [00:18:00] a thousand to $2,000 to $20,000, and you can be anywhere in between, which again, leads to the reason. Okay. Why don't you ask ahead of time what you think it might cost rather than walk in your jaw drops, which sounds like you experienced.
Barb: Yeah, I mean that was me on my parents' plan for it and had funding for it. I was just surprised, talk about funding. There are a lot of GoFundMe pages because, people have not planned for it. Or, you can buy life insurance just to fund your funeral as well for, final expenses as well.
So it's just interesting to know what are those final expenses? What does it encompass? What are the kind of funding that we should have available?
Blair: Yeah. And then can I go on a tangent? You mentioned life insurance, and here's some good information. We use life insurance when people have already purchased all the time, and so we do what's called an assignment where basically we work with the family, the funeral home, and the insurance company [00:19:00] execute an assignment that you can send to the insurance company.
What they do is they automatically pay me directly, so the beneficiaries are directing the insurance company to pay directly the funeral bill. Those are amazing. The pitfalls of that we run into all the time is the beneficiaries. So one of the things is a lot of times husband and wife went and got insurance policy.
They made, I'm the beneficiary of yours. You're the beneficiary of mine. Well, the first spouse died, everything was fine. Then the second spouse died and mom's still the beneficiary on that policy. That then creates kind of a paperwork nightmare, and that makes it more difficult. The easiest time to fix and to find out about an insurance policy is before someone passes away.
And Ed McMahon sold a ton of insurance in this country, right? Your benefits never decreased. Your premiums never increase, sold [00:20:00] gazillions of them. Well, what they never said is that if you quit paying on it, it's no longer there. So a lot of kids know, well, mom's got that policy right.
And then they bring it in and I'm the bear. Or bad news. Well, unfortunately this lapsed, so they didn't know that. So an insurance review, if you're thinking of using insurance for your parents or for your wishes, then by all means, check on it before death occurs, because once death occurs is too late and a lot harder.
Maggie: And so I wanna dive into some of these, conversations about planning and so like, what's one question you wish more women would ask about end of life planning, but seem to never ask.
Blair: Well, if you're thinking about your parents, and I'm not saying this to be harsh at all. I'm not, and do it with tact. It's just the simple mom or you expecting us to pay for your funeral expenses. And she'll probably go, well, absolutely not. And that triggers in her mind, [00:21:00] well, dang it, maybe I ought to think about that.
And so that little trigger just gets them down the path of, maybe we ought to go figure this out for what we want to do. Now the caveat of that I counsel a lot is, yes, it is wonderful if you go and take care of your funeral expense. What's not wonderful is if you set something up that your kids are like, oh, no.
And what I mean by that, a lot of regret doesn't come from overspending. A lot of regret comes from not spending enough meaning that. You're going to die. Goodness in your heart. To protect your children means that, okay, I'm gonna protect my kids from all of this nastiness that happens when I die.
The reaction to that is I'm gonna do as least amount as possible so that they don't have to go through it. Any psychologist, anybody who knows about grief, anybody who deals with these things knows that one of the most important part of healing and getting through [00:22:00] grief is acknowledging the death.
Going through the tears and getting on the path to healing, what happens is they get in. We don't do any services for mom or dad, and they're left feeling empty. They haven't had a chance to trigger grief. They haven't had a chance to get the compassion, the goodwill, the care everything that comes to you when you invite people in to help you.
Which is what funerals are. They are the way people invite people in to help you.
Maggie: And so part of that, of like not processing the grief, and I know we had this, we talked about this on our previous call and it really stuck with me is I find this to be most common with men and with dads, is they're always like, well, don't worry about me. Just put me out to pasture. And you don't need to celebrate it, just.
Keep on keeping on. Don't spend your money here. Right. Which part of that is you're not processing that grief and you hear this a lot. And so how do you tackle this with families when they're just saying, don't worry about me, don't spend your money there yada.
Blair: Yeah, and I [00:23:00] actually, this is wonderful. The social workers are great at this, and this is why I try to get with them a lot because this comes up a lot in hospice. So the person who is in the process of dying is doing everything they can to help the people who are gonna miss 'em, that love 'em, that are gonna be left behind.
And so what they do is they, oh, I'll be fine. I'm good. I'm ready to die. Don't worry about me. Don't do anything. So they're trying to lay the groundwork that, I'm gonna protect you. But a lot of times what that protection comes with for whatever motivation is, you don't have to do anything for me.
Whether it's, I don't want you to spend the money, or I don't want you, I'm trying to help you process this by avoidance rather than acceptance. And so, yes, unfortunately, it's a very male tendency to do that, but what ends up happening is that their heart's in the right place, but it's counterproductive to the healing of the people they leave behind.
So we'll be sitting in a room talking about services and we're having this debate [00:24:00] where, you know, one child, like. I really want to have a service, a celebration of life. And then the other sibling is saying, well, dad told us he didn't want that. And so now you have conflict. It stems from the fact that it was good intentions.
The heart was in the right place, but unfortunately it just left something that was needed to be overcome rather than paving the way for, a good resolution and a good start to the grieving process. And when I say my social workers do a good job because they are usually who run into this.
When someone's dying and they'll talk to the family. It's like, what do you guys want to do? Remember, you're here to grieve. You're here to be the survivors. They're gonna pass away. They're going to their reward. This is about what you need. And so they're, God bless 'em on that work. 'cause a lot of times, we do come in and they were talking about it, but we end up having a celebration of life or whatever form that Memorialization takes and it's a positive thing.
It's always a positive. [00:25:00] Thing.
Maggie: That's awesome. Yeah it's tough 'cause you wanna honor their wishes, but you also need to get through it yourself and grieve so you know how much they meant. So you just don't wanna brush it by and keep chugging along.
Blair: Yeah. And the other thing it does, when I said an invitation, what I mean by that is we're very social people, right? I mean, when one of our friends lose someone, we're not gonna ignore that fact. So when you set up a time, whether it's a gathering or a visitation, or a celebration of life or a funeral at the church, you're inviting people in to come to help you.
If you don't do that, what happens in my, my dad said it a good way. You would say, do you want one visitation or a hundred? And what he meant by that is, when you give people an opportunity to come. Help you. They'll show up. If you don't, they're going to try to comfort you or acknowledge your loss or be there for you at the next opportunity, whatever that [00:26:00] is.
It could be in the grocery store, it could have been at your next dinner with them. It could be, whatever form that takes, so you're no longer in control with when you're going to revisit your loss. Now you're at the mercy of revisiting that loss whenever that person who cares about you runs into you the next time.
And I don't think that can be overstated. I think that is important. I think when you have that. Celebration, whatever it is. And you start that process of going on the path of recovery and going on the path of grief. There's all sorts of positives to that, and if I can quote my dad again, I do it all the time to, my son drives nuts, but he'll learn dad used to say that, grief is a wall that goes infinite in both directions.
And he said there's just no way to get around. The only way to deal with grief is to hit it head on and climb that wall and get over it and get to the other side, because you're not gonna be able to avoid it, and so having services and things like [00:27:00] that not only provide me a living, which it does, but it also is something that is necessary in the construct of our human existence, in our social networks.
Maggie: That's a great point from him. I can see people everywhere just giving their condolences and you're just like, I'm just trying to get my groceries and move on. I don't need to open up this wound every time I'm at the Kroger or something like that.
Barb: Yeah, that's for sure. There's people listening and they're thinking, oh, I know I need to probably address something like this. Maybe they know someone in their family who's dying. They haven't taken this step. They're putting it off. What do you think one small step could be that they could do now to move them forward?
Blair: Everyone is different. The thing that we offer that I wish more people took advantage of, and every state does. Is to do the pre-planning, right? Is to actually go and sit down and go as far as you want to go with whatever, we have [00:28:00] counselors that do it for a living.
That's their work. They meet with people ahead of time and they help 'em build a plan. You can pay for it ahead of time. And I can touch on that, the benefits and the pitfalls of that. But mostly is take the time to walk into a location and ask the questions. Otherwise, you are at the mercy of.
Talking about it and, oh, what type of services do you want? That's a good first step. I mean, that's better than nothing. But to go in and actually make a plan is important. And I can honestly attest to, when we help families, when they come to see us, and if someone passes away, when they walk through our door and we get out the file and we say, pretty much everything's finished.
And they're like, oh, thank you. It's just a, it is just, the relief is palpable. They know that it's gonna go fine. They can concentrate on family and rest and making other connections and not have to chase down all these details to get ready for this service. [00:29:00] And so all of that is a win-win.
If you go in and plan ahead of time, it's a win-win. It's win financially and it's a win psychological.
Maggie: So how do you, like, let's dive more into this pre-planning. I mean, I'm sure it's people like if you die a heart attack, you just didn't know and you didn't get that done. But I'm assuming it's like an older group of people that come in and do this maybe with their families.
Blair: Yeah. You know what, it's, it is just I always say, and I'm not an expert in every family is different, but I, when you're getting your house in order at the retirement time, right? So you know where your retirement is. This is where we're gonna live, hun, until, you know it's hard time to go on to greater pastures and you have that finality of your life.
This is where we're gonna be till the time comes, that's a good time. 'Cause it dovetails nicely with, retirement, with insurance, with all those other financial things that you need to tie down at the end of life. The thing that I mention a lot [00:30:00] when you want to pre-plan and you're talking about the financial aspect of it, that is a very much a state to state issue.
So every state has their own regulatory or consumer protection laws that deal with the pre-planning of funerals. Iowa does a great job, so Iowa, you can use a vehicle, whether it's insurance or you can use a trust. I cannot have the money on a pre-plan. It either has to be held by the insurance company or it has to be held by the trusting agency that's consumer protection, so that whatever happens to me, I know that, or the family knows, excuse me, that their money will be their Irregardless of what happens to me.
That's good on Iowa and every state has something similar to that as far as paying for it. A couple things that your listeners or watchers wanna keep in mind, and it's again, a state by state. I would start there, I would start at the, go online search funeral honors or [00:31:00] funeral regulatory things for your state.
See what your state does. And then when you go in to visit with your funeral director, then the, what I tell people is Iowa allows for a guaranteed contract. I know most states do. What is meant by that is you sit down and you pick out, this is exactly what I want. You pay that expense right then and there.
The money goes in the trust when you pass away. I'm contractually obligated to provide that service exactly how it was laid out. I'm not allowed to ask for any more money if there's less money in that trust than what my current retails are. I took the risk of inflation. So the math of most of this, when you get to that planning age and your retirement age is okay.
In Iowa, I tell people. Price is guaranteed. So for easy numbers, let's say it was $5,000. Okay? If you put [00:32:00] $5,000 into something that's no risk, which would be like a CD at the bank, you're gonna own, well, right now, about three to 5% rate of return.
Barb: Mm-hmm.
Blair: Okay? How much more am I gonna ask for that funeral in five to 10 years?
So right now in today's economic situation with our country guaranteeing a price of a funeral, your money ahead because the price of that funeral is gonna outpace what you would earn in that certificate of deposit. So it's not only good business, you're also getting something that's gonna help your family.
And so pre-planning a funeral, you're not throwing that money away. It is going to be something that is going to have great value at some point in the future. And you're probably money ahead paying for it now than waiting and paying the bill in 10 years.
Barb: Wow, that's something I didn't know. And you say most funeral homes will do this?
Blair: Yes. And another benefit of pre-planning in Iowa, I can speak for most of my colleagues around the [00:33:00] country, there'll be some that can't do it 'cause state doesn't allow it. But the nice thing about pre-planning is we offer payment plans. So if you do it ahead of time and you wanna, I offer up to three years interest free.
So if you wanna pay for it over time, 'cause that fits your budget better, and you still get to keep the guarantee. So we execute it, pay that 5,000 over three years. You gotta guaranteed plan and you're set for when the time comes. I can't do that with a cd. So that just is not only you're helping your family by getting a, making a plan for them financially, it's a better deal than trying to come up with the five grand, at that time.
Because I, I'm gonna ask you for it. I don't have payment plans when someone passes away. It's when someone passes away, here's how much it costs and you gotta pay me for it.
Maggie: To have it all planned and thought out and paid for. I mean, that's a gift to your loved ones. Mom, you got that.
Barb: Noted. [00:34:00] I had no idea, but I'm so glad I learned that. I'm not kidding you. That's fantastic. We're gonna put that in bold and let people know that. Thank you, Blair. That's fantastic.
Blair: Well, good. I mean, I really never get a opportunity to say it to a larger audience, so I appreciate it. I say this a lot on an individual basis. I don't get asked to do a lot of public speeding at to though. I try, I go to the retirement centers and say, Hey, I'm available if you guys wanna do a lunch and learn.
And they don't want the sales pitch. And I get that,
Barb: Hey, you know what? This is what our podcast is for. The shit we don't talk about. Now, people know they can pre-plan their whole, service the way they want it and kids don't get into any arguments. They know it's paid for, and I think it's amazing. Just wait till I have those plans where people are dancing around and doing the,
Blair: Oh, I'm, I'm all for that. I really am. I mean, that one of the things we really promote too is our thought processes on what's appropriate when someone passes away have really evolved a lot, and that's good. [00:35:00] Any gathering, anything over food, anything where you're gaining the support of one another, as long as it's Met with a kind heart and for the benefit of all, then let's do it.
The days of you gotta go sit in the pew and be quiet until the church service starts. We can still do that. If that brings you comfort, we're happy to help you. If you want to have a night of gathering and have some wine and hors d'oeuvres and you bet, let's do it. That's got all sorts of positives with it as well.
Barb: Do you find services are changing over the years? I mean, from very traditional to a little bit less?
Blair: The two trends that I see, some's good, some's bad, the trend to not doing anything, to just trying to ignore it and move on is prevalent, and I spend a lot of times trying to beat that back. Some of it is financially based. If you just don't have the money, then you are, limited on options.
Others is not that. It is just an unwillingness to accept and an unwillingness to have anything like that. The baby [00:36:00] boomers are much more open to cremation, much more open to alternative services. If you look at it generationally, the silent generation's pretty much gone and they were very much the traditionalist.
Go to the church, go to the cemetery pass the baby boomers. Who knows? That's gonna be my son's problem. I won't be around to figure that one out. So,
Barb: I do have a couple more questions that were not on the list that I've just been curious about. People say you shouldn't say, I'm sorry for your loss. What are some. Things you should say When somebody loses someone in their life, do you have good things people should say?
Blair: , It is one of those hard things, and it all depends on the relationship, right? The easier ones, I think are the ones who are super close. Because you're gonna hug him, and you're gonna tell 'em you love him. And that's what you need to do When it's an acquaintance, I usually try to tell people, say something positive, I worked with your dad and man, I can tell you I learned a lot from that man.
People love to hear [00:37:00] positive things about the person they lost. It's really not about them in the moment. If the person that you're talking to. Is super close to you, you are very much there for them. And they'll know that if it's an acquaintance type of thing, saying positive things about the person that passed away just means so much to people.
They just store that. It's something that they absorb and it makes them feel better, latitudes. You know, They're hard to ignore, and also I tell people do tangible things. One of the things that a lot of people do is tell me, gimme a call if you need something.
Don't just do something, take 'em over some food. Offer to wash the car. Offer to do some laundry. Is there anything I can run and go get for you while you're working through this? Those real things that you can do that actually relieves a burden, not just putting a burden back on them to have to call you to go do something.
I think that's important. Now, taking the initiative, if there's somebody close to you, find something that you can do for them that will help them. Don't [00:38:00] put the onus back on them that they gotta feel, they gotta call you in order to get something,
Barb: And I do have another question. You may or may not wanna answer this one. Do you see ghosts?
Blair: Oh, I always tell everybody, if somebody's gonna haunt somebody, it ain't gonna be the undertaker, it's gonna be the person that pissed them off. So, but I actually my wife was a hospice nurse and you talk to hospice nurses they see things, experience things, sense things at the moment of transition.
That is really kind of interesting. You know, I'm not saying it's. It's not spooky, it's just some things, a lot of things. My wife would say that, if you talk to people that are in that world, in hospice world, you know the things that the person who's dying is experiencing that you can't see or hear or touch, but they're reacting to something, but you'd have no idea what it is.
They may say a name, they may say something, they may reach. So what they're seeing beyond the veil, if you will, is [00:39:00] what a, a lot of hospice nurses thinks as far as me, I'm boring, nobody's gonna worry about me in the after, with their afterlife.
Maggie: I should have expected that question coming from you. No, I think this is just, a great conversation and it's fun just to laugh a bit about it with you and to have it kind of be, you know, no one died here for this call today. You know, everyone can just be in a, a.
A good random Wednesday, like I always talk about, is a great time to have these conversations of when no stress moment. And so I'm glad we kind of had this conversation with you, Blair, just so people could get some more insights and start kind of thinking about these things. but I know you've spent your life.
F helping families plan for, you know, some of these hardest moments of their lives. And this is a question we ask everyone, so of course it's asked to you as well. What does financial freedom look like to you after really doing this work for so long?
Blair: to me it is peace of mind. you can get to a point where you have peace of mind in regard to finances, because think throughout your life how [00:40:00] many times you did not have peace of mind due to financial situations. And if you can add some peace of mind to your existence by doing something like this, or by doing a little bit more planning, that's wonderful. And I hope everybody can get into a situation where
they have peace of mind in their later years. 'cause I see some people that unfortunately in
life never gave them any stress-free days, and I
hope most people can get to the point where they have stress-free days.
So
I don't,
that may have not been the most answer, but it's what I came up with. So.
Barb: Yeah, you've seen a lot over your lifetime and I think the
work that you do is just impressive and, and so important, so thank you.
Blair: Oh my pleasure. I really
appreciated it. I hope I did okay and it was nice to meet both of you. And if you ever
have any follow ups, I'm not going anywhere.
Maggie: And yeah, we'll, make sure we have links to your business, in the show notes, just in case people wanna reach out, have questions, or, need to use your services. I know you strictly serve Iowa, is that correct? It's a licensed state to state
[00:41:00] situation.
Blair: Yeah. And it's very much a a geographically locked industry, and so really I serve families within an hour of Des Moines. That's where I am, and if you're in that bubble, I'd love to have a conversation with you. but Des Moines is very fortunate, we have a very cordial and a very solid and high reputable businesses serving our families in this area.
And so I'm thankful for that too.
Maggie: Well thank you so much Blair, for coming on and sharing your expertise and in until next time, be financially fearless.
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