A Queer Understanding

Braxton Fleming: Empowering Identity & Inclusivity with Stealth Bros & Co

• Dr. Angelica & Cassy Thompson • Season 5 • Episode 3

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0:00 | 48:30

Have you ever held something in your hands that felt like a piece of you, a symbol of your journey and identity? Braxton Fleming, CEO of Stealth Bros & Co., joins us with an inspiring tale of how a search for dignified medical storage became a beacon for underrepresented communities. Embarking on a path less traveled, Braxton transformed his need for discretion into Stealth Bros & Co., a luxury brand that's more than just chic medical storage—it's a statement of pride and an emblem of unity for those often left at the sidelines of medical conversations.
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Speaker 1

Braxton Fleming stands as a groundbreaking figure, marked not only by his historic achievement as the first Black trans man to secure a spot on Shark Tank, but also as the dynamic CEO and visionary founder of Stealth Bros Co. This enterprise redefines the concept of personal storage, offering both luxurious travel and at-home solutions for underrepresented medical communities. Travel and at-home solutions for underrepresented medical communities. Stealth Bros Co isn't just a company. It's a force of change within the daily use medical personal supplies industry. By infusing elegance into Sharpe's containers, it champions a shift away from stigma and toward empowerment, ensuring those who rely on these personal items stand proud. Those who rely on these personal items stand proud.

Speaker 1

It all started within Braxton's own bedroom in 2017, a testament to his unwavering determination to fund his own top surgery. Yet Braxton's mission extends far beyond personal endeavors. Fueled by an unwavering passion for giving back, stealth Bro Co actively encourages contributions to support members of the LGBTQ plus community in times of need. Recognized as a certified LGBT business enterprise by NGLCC, braxton T Fleming, a trailblazing trans person of color, embodies the spirit of representation, inspiration and upliftment. Through his entrepreneurial journey, he aspires to illuminate the path for fellow trans individuals, forging a brighter future for all. Here's our conversation. Hi Braxton, thanks so much for joining us.

Speaker 2

Thank you so much for having me excited to be here.

Speaker 1

I've been looking forward to our conversation. We met at the Denver NGLCC conference.

Speaker 2

We met at the NGLCC conference in Denver and it was an amazing experience. Love NGLCC.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that was actually my first one and I was really excited. It was the communities of color pitch that I saw your pitch in, which was really good. That's what prompted me to reach out to you, to have you on to talk a little bit more about your company and the work that you're doing. Yes, stealth Bros Co. Tell us what that is.

Speaker 2

Okay, so Stealth Bros Co really is a luxury medical dop kit storage company for your medical and personal needs, but really I created the brand for my own personal needs as a trans man and to put my hormones somewhere, because there just wasn't like a specialized item for those needs, and that's really what drove me to create it. But that's what Self Bros is. We're pretty much we are a brand that is de-stigmatizing the way that people look at injectable needs. As far as for travel or at-home storage, we want to break the barrier between people hiding their circumstances while they're out and about or feeling like they have to be succumbed to staying home or things of that nature.

Speaker 1

So you basically came up with this based on your own needs. How difficult was it for you to travel around or go to work or whatever the situation was with your medication.

Speaker 2

I was just raised that everything has its place and my testosterone just didn't have its place and that bothered me. I needed somewhere for it to go. So when I went to the local marshals or whatever trying to find a bag, I did find toiletry bags that could definitely hold the medication, but there wasn't anything organized for where I felt comfortable and it made the injection process more seamless, so that meant something to me. I'm also a licensed practical nurse for the past 13 years now, so I had that. I started the company when I was seven years in as a nurse, so I had that indirect assessment skills going on. As I'm watching different trans men do their T-shot online and going through the same experience at home and I'm just like yo we need a bag, and just one thing led to another, and then that's how we got started.

Speaker 2

What does it do? What does it do? Obviously because it comes in unique colors. We have different colorways, we have those special supreme feel to our brand, but really it's more about the meaning behind the brand and what we represent and who we're trying to uplift, because there really isn't any other brands out there that are really uplifting like these medical communities that have these either chronic illnesses or going through hormone replacement therapy, or just regular cisgender people that may need estrogen or that may need testosterone.

Speaker 2

There's so many different uses for the product and that's my biggest thing now is bridging the gap. Obviously, I started it from my own community, but ultimately that's why we're ENCO for EN communities that we serve, because I really want to bridge the gap, to show people that have this connotation towards transgender individuals that, hey, look, we all are going through something, whether I'm on hormones, you're a diabetic, you're going through IVF, you're on a weight loss injection shot. There are so many different reasons to utilize the product and I want to be that face that people can see and be like. You know what? This guy is not that bad, it's okay. It helped bridge that gap for those communities to show that we can all uplift each other if we work together. So that's my mission behind the brand.

Speaker 1

And the bag is insulated.

Speaker 2

Yes, so we have two options we do have an insulated bag and we do have a non-insulated bag. It's really up to your discretion, but I tell everybody, because of the materials that we use are high quality, water resistant. Even if you were to use one of our non-insulated bags, if you have a small ice pack that you would slide in there and then you have your medication. That medication is going to stay cool. You're not going to ruin the material of the bag because of the water resistant feature that we have on the interior fabrics. So you really are in a safe place, regardless of which one you use.

Speaker 2

But if you do have those injectable pens that need to be refrigerated and you're going on a trip and you have that insulated bag, you don't have to worry about the ice pack. You can just throw it in there, take your six-hour drive or take your flight and be able to get it back into the refrigerator, and you can put the whole bag in the refrigerator if you want. This way it's super cool when you take it out. It's going to stay cool for an extended period of time. We just actually released that past like six months, so that's been a really cool upgrade for everybody as well.

Speaker 1

Well, nice yeah, and how long ago did you start your company?

Speaker 2

So it's almost six years now.

Speaker 1

Yeah, december 20th will be our anniversary, and how are things going? How are you doing?

Speaker 2

Oh no, we're doing awesome. It's such an amazing experience. I'm able to stay home with my daughter full time and work from home full time, so that's a blessing. I don't have to go into PR and nursing anymore, which I'm so happy about that, even though I love nursing. It's such. I love bedside manner. I love interacting and being social with my patients, but overall I'm really happy that it provides me to be able to stay home.

Speaker 2

Now, with the Shark Tank exposure, it really pushed a brand forward. We also launched in CVS health stores 30 days prior to that, which was a huge push, and so many opportunities just came rolling after. My and my daughter was like it was CVS launched September 9th, shark Tank aired September 30th and then my daughter was born October 25th. So it all banged. I wasn't planning on stopping working like, cause the work hurts, I'll work till my eyes bleed. So I was prepared to continue working even after shark tank. And all that because you get money. But it doesn't mean that you're rich. You still have to work super hard. The real work real starts when you get investment. Um, but yeah, it's been staying home, it's been sustaining me and I'm just so thankful for that to be home my daughter, especially the first year of her life.

Speaker 3

It means a lot to me, so yeah, and what sort of challenges you face transitioning from to be a nurse every day to actually get this brand off the ground as a Black transplant.

Speaker 2

I mean it's so weird. I have, don't get me wrong, I've had my struggles and I've even. I even when I started first transitioning, because I worked in a nursing facility and you can imagine there's hundreds of nurses that work in a facility because there's so many different shifts for DM nurses full-time, part-time, whatever you may be. Letting everybody know that this change was happening was really hard, because you have to let everybody know and then people are talking and you deal with that. I'm seven years on T. I have such a different perspective. I'm seven years on T. I have such a different perspective. I'm like it was just part of the process. It was something I had to go through. I was learning as they were learning and I had. I feel like I had such a blessed journey from my family to my coworkers, to my friends. I had such a supportive transition that I didn't have to go through. Oh, my parents wanted to abandon me, or there's so many hard transgender stories and it's so rare that you see this Black man who has this nice blessed story. I don't want to say I didn't have struggles, because of course you have struggles, but I was able to get through those sociable passing struggles, like obviously starting my tea and presenting more feminine and then presenting more masculine, and going through that phase was super hard, because you're like I want people to correctly use my pronouns, but they see me this way. So those types of struggles, of course, were always there, and at that time I was pissed at people. I was upset, trying to hide from people waiting for my beard to grow in. I had to deal with those types of struggles, but as now, seven years in, I don't look at them as a struggle. I just look at that was part of my process. I had to go through that, I had to endure that in order to be where I'm at today, and so I just have a different perspective on it.

Speaker 2

But as far as my transition from the business from working to the business, I feel like it was a smooth one because I just I'm really big in prayer and I just prayed about it Even when I was at work. I'd be like taking a month off from work just to be with her and help my wife. And then I was planning on returning to work but they were like oh, we're so full with per diem staff we really don't need you, and I'm like you know what. I'm so busy that I really can't even go in anyway. So it was like I was forced into that position. The universe paved that way for me and that's why I was able to make that transition. It wasn't something that I consciously made a choice. I literally just asked God to remove me every day because I was just so tired of being there. But I said, when I'm ready and at that moment I was ready I just I move like that in my day to day. Just that's just how I am.

Speaker 1

Right, nice, yeah, so tell us about the process of getting into CVS, because it sounds like that was the first thing that happened.

Retail and Shark Tank Journey

Speaker 2

Yeah, CVS is literally like all through NGLCC. They send out these like applications from different corporate partners if they have programs and things that you can apply to. And I applied. I actually applied twice and was denied. So I waited, kept working, kept networking, kept meeting the CVS supplier, diverse team and things of that nature. And then after that, next time, I applied again and I got in. And when I got in I spent eight months with my coach that they provide to you throughout the program creating this capstone presentation for CVS, because they give you an opportunity to pitch to category managers at the end and if they like your product, then they'll put you in the hands of the category manager that suits your specific area of expertise. And basically I just crushed that presentation because I waited so long to be in that program. I really put my all into it because I had a really great coach too, Denise May. Yeah, she's awesome, I had done it out there. But yeah, I had. I just really worked hard at the program and I literally was the only one in my cohort there was like 20 something people in the cohort to receive a deal through CVS and it's just kind of history from there, Just baby steps we just caught. The category manager reached out. We finally got on the planogram how many stores originated. We supposed to be in 800 stores, Then we started off in 1,400 stores. Now we're in 4,000 stores. So it's been pretty crazy.

Speaker 2

And I always like to tell people they hear CVS, they hear 4,000 stores Damn Brax, you got that money. You know what I mean. But no, honey, that ain't the truth. The truth is that when you go into retail, it's a huge investment. You have to have business insurance that has coverage of millions of dollars, which is tens of thousands of dollars a year. Then you provide the product up front, which is hundreds not hundreds of thousands, but tens of thousands of dollars to get the product there.

Speaker 2

Then you have to have a third party logistics center and you have to pay them to get your product out and then you have to wait for your product to sell. So if your product is moving nice, you still have so many fees on the back end from these retailers to really so the whole first year I'm still waiting for payment because you have to get through these fees. You have to get through these logistic issues. It's not a you're in CVS 4,000, now you're making 400,000 a year. It really is a long game with the retail and it's very expensive. So I always tell people that because no one really thinks you. Hundreds of brands on the shelves. How do they get there, what does it take to get there and how much money are they really making and what's?

Speaker 3

really being made.

Speaker 2

I go on and on about retail.

Speaker 1

But it's a beautiful thing to be in that many stores, but it's really hard to maintain and it's highly expensive. You have to really buckle down and make sure all your other facets of income are working well so that you can sustain that retail Interesting. Yeah, Like you said, I don't know anything about. Well, first of all, I want to say it's really cool that NGLCC provided that opportunity for you?

Speaker 1

Yes, I didn't know they did that, but yeah, I didn't know exactly how that worked, as far as, like, how you get paid. When you get paid, like, how many 4,000 stores mean right, how many units do you have to supply CVS with for them to?

Speaker 2

put you on a store. So basically it's three items per store and then when you're a new supplier, you have to give one item. So one item for free. Basically there's different terms for different suppliers. Everything's not the same. It's based off of your broker and what you guys come to agreement to.

Speaker 2

All small businesses that are suppliers of CVS or any major retailer like Walmart or Walgreens. And then they have co-op, and then there's marketing percentages. There's a new item percentage. A new item percentage can be up to $50,000 that you owe them to be on the shelf, you understand? So you have to actually pay to be on shelves. You're not actually, it's not. Oh, you got 18 purchase orders and it was 50K. It doesn't mean you're going to get 50K tomorrow because you fulfilled those orders. It means that you need to pay off your new item or, as those POs continue to roll in, then the money starts. Right now I'm like so you start off in the negative. Let's say that you start off in the negative, you sell your product and you get down. So I'm like this close all the way until the end of the planogram, which ends august 2024. Then that's when I'll see my income coming in. Okay, now I paid off all my initial fees.

Speaker 3

I'm in here now, and now it's moving and that's what I that's over almost two years.

Speaker 2

That's how crazy life is september? That why I entered. It's September 2022. Now I mean 23, now we just passed, so that's one year, and then now, in August of 24, that's when I'll see money. Maybe a little bit, maybe a little bit.

Speaker 3

And some of them sacrifice though.

Speaker 2

Yeah, if your product is selling a lot of products, come off the shelf because if it's not selling well, it's not selling well. But just to be transparent here, because I don't mind sharing, because I want people to learn and know, is that Stealth Bros is right in the middle. They have it on percentage and it's like one to a hundred and like toilet paper is five percent because everybody needs toilet paper from CVS, but like something like my product, which is like real niche, is like right in the middle, like 50 percent, like 40 percent. So it's doing, it's good, but it's right around the medium where a lot of the products are, but it's not like toilet paper. You get what I'm saying. So it's a slow process. You have to just go away and do the marketing behind it.

Speaker 1

Yeah, so it sounds like if your product doesn't sell, you just lost like 50 grand.

Speaker 2

Technically you didn't lose 50 grand, but whatever it costs for you to put product up. And then there are terms to receive product back. So let's say those products didn't sell and you didn't make all the money, but the product that did sell paid off the fees and you come out, you can get your product back. There are terms that protect you like that, especially for my case, because I'm a small business owner and the way that I got in they made sure that I was protected because of how small my business is. But there are terms to get out.

Speaker 2

I wouldn't say that you probably will lose a couple of thousands of dollars but ultimately you're not going to lose the amount that's owed to you because you're selling your product at 60, 70% margin. So it's not like I'm losing a whole bunch of money but I'm not gaining anything by it either. So, yeah, if it went well and they paid me out all my POs, I'd be having a nice paycheck. But that's not how it works. It's a longevity game. So all these things, I was just. I was like let's go man, like I'm ready, I'm in CVS, I'll do whatever it takes. But I didn't realize the pressure, the amount of investment, all the things that go into it. I was so ignorant and naive too, but over time I really learned the game of retail and understanding how impactful it can be and how damaging it can be.

Speaker 1

Oh, great, yeah, so talk to us about Shark Tank. That was the next thing. First of all, how did he even get on? Did he just apply to this?

Speaker 2

was the next thing? First of all, yeah, how'd he even get on? He just applied to this, so actually I didn't apply. They actually emailed me. They actually just randomly emailed me. It was so crazy that same day I'll tell you this quick story that same day I got denied an opportunity from cnbc that they actually asked me to be on. And then they emailed me and said they were like no, we're not going to use you. And I called my wife and blah. And I called my wife and I'm like I'm not going to be on and she's are you upset? And I'm like no, because I always have so many opportunities. So I was just like no, it's good, one door closes, another one will open, it's fine. And I just went back to work on the phone with her. And then a couple bullshit, because I'm hungry as hell. I was like I'm going to call them, how did you find me? And they were just like we can't tell you that, but we are interested in your business. Yeah, they wouldn't tell me. So they're like we can't tell you that, but we're interested in your business.

Speaker 2

It doesn't mean that you're going to be on the show just because we're calling you, but you have to go through the application process. You have to do all this. There's literally like 900 pages of due diligence I'm not even kidding, and it's steps. It's not okay. You get the first 300 pages, you do that. Then you wait. Okay, we want you to go to the next step. You made it to the next step, okay, clap, clap, clap, you made it to the next step. Then they say just because you make it to all the steps, even if you make it to all the steps to where you film, you could still not be on the show. Even if you get a deal and they don't think your episode is interesting enough, you can't be on the show. Okay, be on the show. You don't know if you're going to be on the show. Until two weeks before you're on the show, wow, they don't tell you anything. Everything is like a big secret because they don't want the sharks can't know who you are. Everything has to be like a huge secret. They don't even want you telling, like your mom, or nothing about the whole process. You have to be so quiet, sign NDA. You can't say shit for so long.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's really intense, but after going through all of that, I was able to get on. I was able to pitch, I was able to get a deal, which was amazing. It was an awesome experience. I'm super thankful. It came at the perfect time.

Speaker 2

Like I said with CVS, it was taking so much of my money that I needed to be aired on that show to get that audience onto my e-commerce site.

Speaker 2

We made a bunch of money that month and the following month, which was great, but it really was just putting me at, even because I was paying off the other stuff that I was so worried about. But, like I said, divine timing, it just all worked out so perfectly for me and I was just so thankful that I had that opportunity and we had literally just signed contracts. It was either a week before this show aired or a week after, but we sealed the deal. And because obviously I got the deal back in June or July of that year, because that's when I filmed, so that's when the due diligence with the actual team start Okay, so, yeah, so that's.

Speaker 2

And then once you go cause you can get a deal on standing in front of them get the deal. But if they go back with their teams and your stuff isn't matching up with what you said, they won't give you that deal, but that deal did go through. I did get finance and things, I did get investment. So that was really nice, that was super helpful, yeah, and just moving forward, and it's a great opportunity for sure.

Speaker 3

Yeah, that was awesome.

Speaker 1

What was your deal? That was awesome.

Speaker 2

What was your deal? I got $200,000 for 20% of my company, so I got $100,000 in cash and then I have $100,000 in credit. But it's like credit, not credit to like use for like random things. It's really no credit. So if I get purchase orders from CVS and I need money to front me, I can call on them get the money to front me. This way, I don't have to use my cash flow to provide the needs for that.

Speaker 1

Okay, which shark invested in you?

Speaker 2

Mark Cuban and Barbara Corcoran.

Speaker 1

Okay.

Speaker 2

Yes, cool.

Speaker 1

I need to find the episode.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yes. Season 14, episode two.

Speaker 1

Okay.

Speaker 2

And I was the last one on the episode, so you just fast forward the other people. I'm just kidding. No, that's a great episode. So, yeah, watch the whole thing. It was awesome.

Speaker 1

Definitely, and so now people can find your product CVS where else.

Speaker 2

CVS, stealthbroscocom. You can actually find us at cvscom as well and you can put in your local area code and you can see what stores open have the actual product physical by you. And also we are on Amazon as well. So you can find us on Amazon and we are on TikTok shop and they're giving away crazy discounts right now. So if you want to buy our product and get it for cheap as hell, go to TikTok and find our TikToks at Stealth Bros Co. Facebook, twitter, instagram, youtube, you name it and you can get our products for super cheap on TikTok right now. So head over to TikTok and follow us and buy those products up for cheap and for free shipping too. Yeah, and we have new products. We got duffel bags. Now we're really trying to expand the line and open it up for different people and just make customized pockets so that those medical need people still have something for them. But even if you have, like my fiance, she doesn't really need it, but she uses it for makeup and puts her certain stuff in there.

Speaker 2

So it's really super universal, but like I said, our goal is uplift underrepresented communities and that's the main goal behind Stealth Brews, great Nice.

Speaker 1

An amazing story. Thank you, it is yeah. Like you said, it was kismet like divine timing, everything lined up properly for you so that you could leave work, get in a CVS, like all those things. That's amazing.

Speaker 3

Spend time with your daughter, yeah. She's going to get it on priority.

Speaker 2

Yes, and just to be transparent, there was multiple nights crying on my knees to the Lord. Well, understand that it's not. This doesn't come flowing easily. There are so many hard nights, there are so many times where you want to give up and you don't want to do anything. But it's when you push through those moments and when you really break down and you really submit yourself to God and you really submit yourself to the universe and say you know what? I know that I'm doing the right things, but when my time is ready, it'll come and you just have to keep pushing through. And that's honestly how I got here today. Obviously, I'm super blessed, but it wasn't easy. It was because I just prayed about it and stayed steadfast and stayed consistent. That's really the only way to get there Exactly.

Blended Family Dynamic and Transition Story

Speaker 1

So let's switch gears and we have a normal lightning round. But I think I have a couple of questions that aren't actually on there as far as I want to hear a little bit about your wives, like how did you guys meet when in your pre-transition post? Like how did that happen?

Speaker 2

Oh, that's awesome. Okay, so I have a good story for that. Me and my wife we met at work and it was really crazy because she was in a 10 year relationship. I was in a 10 year relationship. We weren't really looking at each other like that, even though she was looking at me like that, but I thought she was super beautiful. But I had so much drama with my ex that I was like I can't, even though she was beautiful. But I was very respectful because I knew she had children and she was engaged at the time as well. I knew she had children and she was engaged at the time as well, and she actually ended up leaving that job and I continued to work there. Her sister worked there, so we would all talk and like bullshit and stuff like that.

Speaker 2

And then me and my ex ended up breaking up and some months went by and then I had saw my wife on Instagram. So I went to her sister at work and I'm like, yo, what's up with your sister, what's going on with her? And she'm like, yo, what's up with your sister, what's going on with her? And she was like, why don't you just hit her up? I'm like, oh no, but I did in the DMs and pretty much just was like yo, what's up?

Speaker 2

I think she was on a date with somebody else and I was like yo, you didn't ask me to take you out for your birthday or something crazy like that. I don't know I was saying something all these messages is really bad. But then she was like oh really, and I was like, yeah, and it's really crazy, because even her mom was like it's her aunt, but it's really her mom. It's like her mom, though. But her mom was like, yeah, she's been fiending over you for the past year and she said that she was gonna make you her husband before she even knew you. All this crazy stuff. And I'm like what I didn't know.

Speaker 2

She was going through stuff with her partner at the time, so and I was going through stuff too, but obviously you're at work, so you'd be like, yeah, everything is good and but low key. We were both really suffering, both really wanting the same things, like more wanting to have children and really wanting to be like a family dynamic, and we just found all the things that we were missing within each other, with our partners, and so when we hit it off, it was like we were just ready to go. It was ready to get married. We was ready to have our baby. We were picking out baby names. We named our daughter two years before she was even conceived.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's really crazy. I have pictures, I actually we went on this trip, like just a little trip out to Pennsylvania and we were doing wood burning activity and I would burn my daughter's name into it and it says daddy loves you. And I still have it. And it was from two years before she was even conceived. Like we even know if we were gonna have a girl or a boy. We didn't know what we were doing, but we were so steadfast on having this little girl that she was truly manifested. It's so crazy, but yeah, but wow. So this all happened after you had transitioned. This happened after I transitioned.

Speaker 2

My fiance was dating a cisgender male. Obviously she well, not obviously, because, hey, you never know but she had two children by him and she didn't know that I was trans. But she was asking people about me behind my back because I didn't know that she liked me. My good co-worker that I work with every day, she she was like, yeah, he's trans and has a fiance, so she's showing her my Instagram. I mean, I'm open about it. So it was fine.

Speaker 2

But she was really flabbergasted because she never met a trans person before and she was like you look so handsome, I just need to know. I just need to understand why what's going on. Even today, we were just talking and she was like it's so hard because I forget that you transition. She doesn't. She forgets to struggle sometimes that I deal with. You know what I mean, because of just how I present and how I obviously, how I am and things like that. It's really a weird situation, but it's really fun because she treats me how I want to be treated. She doesn't see me the other way and that means a lot to me. You know what I mean. Like she's it's yeah, it's fine. So it's really cool, though she's awesome, that's amazing.

Speaker 1

So she had never. She had, as far as you know, she had only ever dated cisgender males.

Speaker 2

Yeah, no, she did, she did. She had dabbled with women in the past, but she was with this cisgender male for 10 years. Her son was 10 when I had him.

Speaker 1

Wow, yeah, okay. And so how did her family and the kids do they know?

Speaker 2

Oh yeah, no, yeah, no, they know, because it's so open, like my business, it's really hard to hide it. And plus, I learned throughout my transition because, like I told you, I tried to run from jobs and stuff, but the nurses work in the same area at every job. That's how nurses are. So you run from there and you're like, oh wait, I know you. They're like I know you, but people are so nice to me, so it's never a bad experience. Hold on, I got sidetracked. So what was the thing we were going on?

Speaker 1

About how her family reacted.

Speaker 2

So reacted. So her family was super cool. Um, her family was super cool about it. They knew who I would like. Her dad had like his reservations at first, but once he met me and saw how I took care of her, so I was like even they didn't keep the kids from me because I was trans, but because you know they didn't, because she would like. Her and her ex were like they had broken up. So she was like dating a few different people and she didn't. They didn't want people coming around the kids if it wasn't. So the first like six months of us dating, or even like a little bit, I think it was like, yeah, like around six, five or six months of us dating.

Speaker 2

It's not that I didn't see them. I would see them like in passing, but I didn't spend. I wasn't spending time with them, but I was taking care of them. So I would fill up like doubt kits and like toothbrush, toilet paper, little clones and stuff like that. I would show that I was trying to be there for them, like indirectly, so that I wasn't just somebody coming in to play games. I really wanted to get to know the kids. I wanted to see how she interacted with the kids, so all of those. It was a slow process, but it wasn't because I was trans.

Speaker 3

It was more or less because they wanted to make sure that I was a suitable partner for her and to be around the kids and once they realized, hey, I'm super cool, like it's all good, the kids love me, we have a good time, right, but what?

Speaker 2

what about the children's father? So actually it's so funny because, like, um, their dad, like I never bad their dad. Like you know, I always say he could be a better dad, but ultimately, you know, he's such, but ultimately he's a kind soul, he's actually a really nice, genuine man and that's the coolest thing is that there's no beef. We go to football games together. He's been over to our house with his wife. They just had a baby together. So it's really the dynamic between all of us is really cool and copacetic, there's no problem. He did call me when we first started dating and he was like I know about you, I know about your past. I'm like, okay, cool, what's up? And he's I'm their father, you're not their father. And he was like trying to be hard, but I still do.

Speaker 2

I try you know, what I'm saying and I'm there, so it's not that he's not. He's definitely there and he's definitely trying to be more present now. But ultimately he's an ultimately good guy. I have really nothing bad to say about him because he's genuinely super nice to me all the time. He's never been upset with me ever.

Speaker 1

That's really good. It's hard to have the. What do they call it?

Speaker 2

Like good, healthy co-parenting.

Speaker 1

No, the nuclear family.

Speaker 3

Africa anyway, family Africa, anyway, whatever.

Speaker 1

Blending.

Speaker 3

Blended family.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it's hard to have a blended family. You never know how people are going to react, or how kids are going to react, or any of that. So it sounds like things are really good for you, so that's awesome yeah.

Journey to Understanding Queer Identity

Speaker 2

And it's really weird because the kids they see me and they understand, they know that I'm, they know, they 100% know, but say we're out in the street and there's someone who's super queer, they're like you know how kids are, they're just like me, bro, I'm like, they're just like me, I'm like I know that I'm very traditional and it's easier for you and it's where you, but it's the same thing and I'll try to explain to them. Do you see a trans woman? It's fine, it's the same thing as me. And I try to emphasize that they don't like me anymore because they're older. Now they're like 14 and 12. So they're older. But when they were younger like 10 and 8 and 10 and 7, it was a little bit different because they were just trying to figure out what's going on.

Speaker 2

But, now they don't even care. They don't even care. That's good news, yeah.

Speaker 1

Nice. So take us through your journey a little bit. What is your earliest queer memory?

Speaker 2

What is my earliest queer memory? I really don't know. I mean, I feel like when I was so young I had five god brothers and I have one god sister. I have an older sister and I have two younger siblings but they weren't here at this time because they're so much younger than I am. But I always remember wanting to be a boy like my god brothers because even though I did everything that they did and nobody ever judged it was fine, but I remember always wanting to be like them but not having that language. So that's my first queer. Yeah, I guess that's one of my first moments of feeling different, or just wanting that but really not understanding that until, kind of, how I like, really like, once I went to therapy, all these things unlocked for me.

Speaker 1

I was like why do I?

Speaker 2

feel like this and then I'm like they're like yo, you're trans. I'm like what? Yeah, they didn't tell me I was. Obviously I went there transgender dysphoria. That was the reason why I had the therapy session. But ultimately, as I went to the session and went through my sessions, it was like I was unlocking so many doors, understanding why I felt like this as a child, why I was acting a certain way within my relationships and why there was just so many different aspects that I had no language for until I was like 27 years old, because I live such a I don't want to say a great life, but people were so nice and cool with me, with how I was androgynous and not giving a damn. No one cared, like my dad didn't care, my mom never cared. They were just like live your life, cut the grass, change the oil who gives a damn? You want to help go outside? No one was like you're being too tomboyish, you're doing too much. No one ever said that. So I never really had the language or never really looked deeper into it, because no one ever really said anything. Everybody was like this is just how you are, so we love you. And that was cool with everybody.

Speaker 2

So, yeah, well, did you date girls or guys? Actually had one boyfriend for five years throughout my whole high school, but I had so many guy friends. They were always like the homie, but they all liked me because I had super long hair, super attractive things like that, and I'm like I don't like you, like that, but we can hang out and stuff, even though I had been with men and stuff like that, but I never really enjoyed it. It wasn't something I wanted to do, I was just doing it because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do at that age. But I didn't even know that I liked women either. I honestly didn't know until I got to college. And they're like yo, you're gay as hell. And I'm like no, I'm not, I am not gay. They were telling me how gay I was and I was like I do not like women and I was so against it because no one ever told me these things. I even had a gay best friend. I didn't even know she was gay. That's how much. That's how diverse the area I grew up in.

Speaker 2

I was so ignorant. I had this one friend, shamira. She was such a crazy ass stud, super hardcore stud, and the thing is I never even looked at her like that. I was just like this is my homie, it's fine. I never even thought about two women having sex. None of that processed in my mind at all was just like this is just how they are, this is cool with me. And it wasn't until I got to college where I was like they were like no. And then I started dating women and I realized that I had this suave swag and they really liked it and I was pulling these women in left and right. So, yeah, it was really nice. It was fun.

Speaker 2

Once I was learning who I was and really becoming comfortable in my skin and obviously I was on the more masculine side and things of that nature and I really did enjoy that part. But I like I always said they're like you're a lesbian, I'm like I'm not a lesbian. I never identified as a lesbian. I never identified as gay. I was just like that's not me, I'm who I am and that's how I used to always say that. And then, as time went on and I kept feeling this void in my life and I was just like what the hell is wrong with me? Do I need to change careers? Do I need to move? Do I need to do this? But really it was that missing piece of who I am as an individual and what I needed to express from the inside out. And once I found out about trans people, I was just like blown away and my life changed, like my whole life changed.

Speaker 3

Right, what was your biggest concern about being trans?

Navigating Family Acceptance After Transition

Speaker 2

Yeah, um, like just not being able to have children, because, like the main reason why I transitioned, because I just wanted to be a dad. I love my dad and I really just wanted to be like my dad. I just wanted to be like. My dad raised me. My mother was heavily in my life. My mother was my best friend. It was kind of hard for her when I transitioned because she loved me so much. She wanted me to be this princess. She's fabulous. My mom is. She's super flashy and all this stuff. She had a vision, but she loves me so much it didn't even matter. She didn't even care. But, yeah, I just wanted to be like my dad. I love my dad so much. He was just. He raised two little girls and he did it by himself and he never complained. He was the greatest father, a standup man. There's nobody better than my dad and that's just where I strive to be. I just want to be like my dad.

Speaker 3

That's amazing. So when you transitioned, was it difficult for them to get your pronouns, knowing you weren't their little?

Speaker 2

girl. It's crazy. My dad, right away he changed. It was so crazy. He used the pronouns right away and, don't get me wrong, he used to call me Tito's and stuff like that. He had little nicknames for me, which I still love and I tell him it's fine and he could still call me that, but he doesn't. He calls me Brax or whatever. But he would slip up and say my name sometimes, but not intentional, like he would just be like in conversation, but like he would fix it and be like so apologetic, but like now, it's just like he never makes a mistake.

Speaker 2

But in the very beginning, of course, because they're going through a transition too, and because I was 27 years old, because I had some sense a little bit, I was able to understand that hey look, this isn't just a transition for me, this is a transition for my family as well, and I know that it's going to take them some time to understand this and I was OK with that. You know what I mean. I was ready to go through that process with them and I hid from my mom a lot of the times because I lived on my own at this time, so I wasn't living at home or anything like that and it was harder for her. I remember we were having such a good day, we went to the car dealership and had cars and stuff, having a great time, and she was using all the right pronouns saying all the good stuff, and then we were getting out of the car and she's like and I'm 15 hours in the car.

Speaker 2

And then the car and she's like, and I'm 15 hours in the car and she's like oh, I'm sorry, she's like I tried so hard all day. And I'm like, and I'm like mom, no, it's fine. I'm like girl, I like that, that's fine, we here having a good time. That's like saying bro or dude or whatever, and I was like it's totally fine. But I knew that she was trying and that's all that and even I have a hundred, my grandma's 102, I need to call her god, bless her. She's what?

Speaker 2

102, oh, yeah, she's still 100, she's still alert. And uh, when I transitioned I stayed away from her for six months, so she never even she like. I went from night to day with her because she didn't see me. And I remember going to my dad's house because we were having a family party and I was like I gotta call my grandma, let her know, because she's going to freak out Like my dad knows, everybody knows, but she don't know. I'm sure they were talking, but probably not, because my dad just let shit roll. He probably didn't say anything to her. But I called her and I'm like grandma, I got something to tell you. And she's like what's wrong? I'm going to look a little different. And she was like what do you mean? I'm like I got a beard, I transitioned, blah, blah. I was like I want you to do this, I want you to do that. And she was like you always be my little girl, I love you. She's a witness. So she was like God doesn't like this, but I'm going to still love you because you know you, my flesh and blood, all these things.

Speaker 2

And a few months later, me and my ex had took like a break from each other and I had moved back into my dad's house where my grandmother lived and within a month she was telling my cat, your daddy's home, your daddy's home. She was calling me Todd, which is my dad's name. She was using the he pronouns like she couldn't even help herself, like she couldn't even help herself. So it was one of those things where I accepted because she was old as hell, but also it didn't bother me if she wanted to still use the female.

Speaker 2

I was totally like I want you to say I don't even give a shit. But she just switched Like she did it all on her own, called me her grandson, like she, just like that. And she still does. It's really I'm telling you the Lord is so good to me. I really mean it like really had such a great experience with my transition. Of course I've dealt with certain people that have tried to push me and stuff like that, but ultimately, when it comes down to my core people I've been so it's been really good.

Speaker 1

Yeah, so what would you say you love most about being queer?

Speaker 2

Okay so I'll tell you this I have this connotation with the word queer because I grew up in a time where queer was such a derogatory term. Wait, how old are you, I'm 34. How?

Speaker 3

did you touch up time? You don't get like new owners.

Embracing Identity

Speaker 2

I'm not that old but I'm old enough to where queer was a derogatory term when I was growing up True derogatory term when I was growing up, true. And I am now just becoming comfortable with this term and being used with me, especially because of my business. I have a queer business and I'm like my personal internal feelings is like no, I don't, but ultimately I do. And queer is such a loving word now and it's so accepted. And as I'm getting older and as I'm changing my perspective on life and just understanding the space that I'm in and growing with my space, because you can't stay where you work, you know you grow with the space, especially with the youth, and that's like my target. You have to understand that's an acceptable word but honestly, like you know, it was really hard for me to even identify with that word. To say what was your queer question originally?

Speaker 1

It was what do you love most about being queer or a part?

Speaker 2

of the community. The queer community was so welcoming. It was like I had all these new friends. It was like, just because I was trans, I automatically gained like 70 brothers. It was amazing and it was what I was yearning for, this brotherhood, and it was so awesome. It was really the community that makes me love it the most. You know what I mean, because they just uplifted me and pushed me and really is where I'm at today is because of the community. You know what I mean. If it wasn't for them, then I wouldn't be here right now. Nice, yeah for sure.

Speaker 1

And, as you talked, most of your experience has been great, but have you had any challenging experiences since? Well, I guess really at any point.

Speaker 2

Of course, like you know, like I mentioned in the beginning, like just going through the transition at first, and like getting through that first year of transitioning and wanting to be a passing male and having the social construct around you misgendering you and trying to be one way, you're like, okay, I went from she to he. That's such a hard transition for not only the people around you before even your own self. And just trying to come out of that, what is it? What is it like? You feel like a magician almost, because it's almost like you're lying to somebody. You have this thought process in the beginning. Where it's am I lying? It's a very hard thing to explain, but I think, as you go through your transition, as you learn yourself more, as you become more self-aware and accept that you are transgender, a lot of people have a hard time accepting that they're transgender and they don't want to tell people. They want it to be a secret. It has to be hidden. But ultimately, there's no reason to hide that you're trans. There's no reason to hide that your skin is black or your skin is white or that your hair is curly or straight. There's no reason to hide who you are or that you're blind or that you're deaf. There's no reason to hide those best parts about you. It's just a part about you, and I think that's why I've had such a smooth way is because the way that I approach my transition and the way that I speak about it to people, I speak about it in a way where it's not that big of a deal. This is just what I have gone through and that's fine, and I think that the more people feel like I'm okay with it, they're okay with it.

Speaker 2

But when you're transgender and you enter a space and you're like these people hate me, the world is against me and you're pushing that energy off your chest. Trust me, you're going to receive that energy back. They are going to hate you. They are going to say nasty connotations towards you, because that's the energy that you are releasing prior to even understanding these individuals' thought process. And even if they don't like you, that doesn't mean you go down to that level and you, in that manner, you still keep yourself up high, just like Michelle Obama.

Speaker 2

When they go low, we go high, and you just keep yourself in that position and you move with confidence and I think that when you do that, there's really nothing anyone can say, because you're strong in your position, you know who you are. I'm not saying that I'm a biological man. I'm saying that I'm a trans man and I'm cool with that. And if you can't accept that, no problem, we can move on. But you're not hurting me. And once they realize they can't penetrate you, they like you because they're like damn, it's a standup guy. You know what I mean and I try to teach my community that we put a lot of negative energy out there and if you present yourself in a way where you feel like everyone's looking at you because you're trans, they will, because that's where we focus.

Speaker 2

Focus on your skill set, focus on your looks, focus on how you feel, focus on the impact you're making on the world, whether it be a small one or a large one. Focus on that and bring your transgender identity to the table. It's not just your transgender, you're a human being. You have so many other things that come to you.

Speaker 3

So, yeah, that's well said, because be bold, be proud of who you are.

Speaker 1

We're wrapping up, Wrapping up. Okay, so those were. I was going to ask any last words, but you really said something powerful there and I really appreciate what you said. How you present, how you presented that statement, it really makes a lot of sense and it's going to resonate with a lot of people. Yes, it does and you mentioned that.

Speaker 2

Yes, that's the goal. That's the goal.

Speaker 3

Yeah, so listeners. There you have it, braxton T Fleming, the first Black choice man to secure a spot on Shark Tank and the founder of Stealth Bros and Co. Thank you, braxton, for being on A Queer Understanding. Looking forward to seeing what you have going on in the future.

Speaker 2

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. It was a fun time, thank you.