A Queer Understanding
Weekly conversations about all things queer. A space for members of the LGBTQIA+ community to share our stories, struggles, and triumphs, and talk about how we're breaking glass ceilings and making an impact on society.
A Queer Understanding
Breaking Norms: The Gay Adult Content Creator's Journey with Koby Falks
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Ever wondered what happens when your intimate life becomes your business? Meet Koby Falks, a gay adult content creator who's built a thriving career by challenging stereotypes and embracing authenticity in an industry often shrouded in misconception.
Koby's journey began during the COVID lockdown when he and his then-partner saw OnlyFans as a way to earn extra income during uncertain times. What started as amateur filming in their bedroom evolved into an international brand with fans across the globe. This episode invites you to reconsider what you thought you knew about sex work, digital entrepreneurship, and authentic self-expression.
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Gay Adult Content Creator Introduction
Speaker 1As a gay adult content creator and entrepreneur, kobe has built a career that blends authenticity, boldness and a deep understanding of the evolving digital landscape. Starting with nothing but ambition and a vision, kobe has grown his brand on platforms like OnlyFans, connecting with a global audience while navigating the stigmas of the adult industry. His story isn't just about sex. It's about confidence, self-expression and redefining masculinity in an LGBTQ plus context. Kobe brings valuable insights into what it takes to succeed in a highly competitive and misunderstood industry. From building a loyal fan base and mastering personal branding to overcoming challenges like mental health struggles and societal judgment. Kobe's experiences resonate far beyond adult entertainment. This episode will give you a fresh perspective on sexuality, body positivity and breaking traditional norms, while navigating actionable tips about personal branding, self-confidence and thriving in unconventional careers. Whether listeners are curious about the adult industry or looking for inspiration to embrace their true selves, kobe's story offers a mix of entertainment, education and empowerment. Here's our conversation. Hi Kobe, welcome to A Queer Understanding.
Speaker 1Yeah, thank you for having me yeah, thank you for having me, so I'm really interested in talking to you. I read your bio and you are the first person in adult entertainment industry that we've had on. Oh really, yeah, well, we had one person who did a documentary on kink, but yeah, so I guess it's along the same. It's adult entertainment. I guess, but it's different, yeah so do you call it porn, or is that like a taboo word?
Speaker 2no, I mean, most people would say that I'm an only fans creator, which is kind of code word for porn. I guess I feel like poor. I feel like porn is more studio professional, only fans kind of leans into that amateur space. You're self-producing.
Speaker 1Okay, gotcha. So when did you get started?
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean so. I started probably about five years ago. I was with my partner about five years ago. I was with my partner, sam Bramall at the time and it was kind of during COVID really. We were, we both worked full-time and we had jobs and I still have a full-time job today.
Speaker 2But I guess, given the economy, like we sort of were getting by but not getting ahead and I previously had done work in filming tv in New Zealand and when I started hearing about this thing called OnlyFans, I had a look at it because it sort of was just hitting the mainstream but it wasn't quite as big as what it was now and I had a look and I was like hang on, these people are like filming stuff in their bedroom on their phones and making a lot of money.
Speaker 2We've got so much time at the moment with being in Australia. We had lockdowns so we were in our house a lot. I thought maybe we should just stop filming us having sex and making some extra money to be able to afford to go on that trip or go on that holiday when all this blows over, or even save up for a house. So that's kind of how it started. Didn't expect it to get to the point where we are now in terms of our socials and our kind of like recognition overseas. We kind of just wanted it as a side hobby but yeah, it just kind of kept growing from there.
Speaker 1I think a lot of people started OnlyFans during the pandemic for the very reason that you said. Either they lost their jobs or they were just home a lot more. And yeah, it just started popping up as a really good way to make money. I think people were on it before, but it wasn't so much adult content and then, like some, got flipped like some flip got flipped.
Speaker 2I think, too. What happened was, too, is that not only were people looking for ways to produce it, but people were at home, bored, looking to consume content, and so, all of a sudden, the not only did the creator space kind of blow up, but also the viewership audience kind of tripled in size as well, with people jumping on the platform to subscribe to people.
Speaker 1So so this isn't something that you always dreamed of.
Speaker 2It's something you fell into yeah, it is something I sort of fell into. I mean, I didn't really have any aspirations to become a porn star, but I mean, I guess being sort of a gay man in the queer space. For us sex is not exactly how in terms of a heteronormative perspective. We approach sex very differently to what a straight person or a straight man would approach sex to. I think, like in the gay community, we're very open with our sexuality. We do a lot of things that straight people would feel uncomfortable, like. Our clubs have dark rooms, people dance with their shirts off, we have gay bath houses and people go like gay cruising, which is where you hook up in public spaces with other men, and all of that kind of pushes our sexuality to be a little bit more tolerant. So doing something like OnlyFans wasn't really that big of a leap for me in terms of putting myself out there sexually.
Speaker 1Right. Why do you think sexuality is demonstrated so differently between gay men and heterosexual men?
Speaker 2Yeah, it's an interesting question. I think a lot of it just comes to do. I think a big part of it is obviously women, because that is one of the factors that is removed, for gay men, like straight men, have to engage with straight women to have sex, and so you're dealing with two people that have very different approaches to sex, a man and a woman. And from a societal point of view, I guess women seem to have more of the power in sex, like it's more about them letting the man engage with them, whereas men are kind of always horny. But if you take away that sort of I guess it's not, I guess you could call it gatekeeping in a way If you remove that gate and you just put men with other men who are always horny, they're more likely to then start engaging with sex because for us I find with men it can be very physical or just a transactional thing and it doesn't have as much of an emotional base sometimes.
Speaker 2And it's interesting because a lot of my subscribers or a lot of my followers are actually straight men or they claim to be straight. Usually they are married or have kids, but they're looking at just to get off in the moment and they find it easier to get on an app like Grindr or OnlyFans or message me through escorting or something and hook up with the man. Number one, because they don't feel like they're cheating because it's not with another woman. And number two, they know that it's nothing more than just the physical release. There's no additional carry on or aftercare sort of thing, or it doesn't mean anything after the act's finished. So I find that quite interesting.
Speaker 3Right. So just to back up a little bit as well. So you say you started with your partner. So currently do you only have sex with your partner on OnlyFans or is it more? You have more of a broadest performers performers you're gonna call it performative or whatever you call it.
Speaker 2Yeah no, I mean I work with like a broad range. So it started with me and my partner sam. We're actually separated now but we're still business partners after six years. But we then started to sort of bring in our mates and so we'd be with friends filming content. And then we started to collab with other big gay creators overseas so we would travel to places like the UK or America or Spain and we'd shoot with other creators and a lot of solo content too. So it's a big mix of filming with local people. Like it is actually quite a big community. So, like you know, in Melbourne, where I'm from, I sort of built up the OnlyFans community, I think when we started shooting five years ago. There's probably like a handful of people that we could collab with and now I run like a WhatsApp group with hundreds of people who are creators just in melbourne who all link up to shoot content and stuff.
Speaker 1So so what are some of the stigmas that you experience when people learn that you're in this industry?
Speaker 2yeah, I'd say, going back to how I was talking when you were talking about the difference between straight men and gay men in terms of sex and straight women, I think one of the big stigmas is kind of like the double standard in the adult industry and I think that at the moment, like women in the adult industry especially in OnlyFans they're often now they're viewed now as being very empowered in terms of their sexuality, like they're taking on, like they're taking ownership and they're like quite empowered now and they're viewed now as being very empowered in terms of their sexuality, like they're taking on, like they're taking ownership and they're like quite empowered now and they're these and they're these smart women who, like are really good business people.
Building an OnlyFans Business
Speaker 2But I think men the view is still, um, very much a judgmental kind of thing, and that's usually coming from other men as well, not so much women, because because men view women as sort of in a sexual thing and that's usually coming from other men as well, not so much women, because because men view women as sort of in a sexual thing and then when they see other men being sexual, it's kind of a threat.
Speaker 2So I think society still struggle with men, particularly queer men owning their sexuality in a very public way, like it's something that is should be be behind laws. But for women, sex in the media and stuff is very forward, so it's a lot more acceptable. But I think that's just the reality of working in the business and I think, too, like one of the other stigmas is that knowing that it is actually a business and it's not just about sex and the whole thing like filming a sex scene is probably the easiest part whole thing like filming a sex scene is probably the easiest part. But being someone who knows how to market, brand, have resilience and continue to move through with finances and stuff. A lot of the big creators they're very smart people that are not just doing sex work. They're actually running multi-million dollar businesses. So, and all the top tier, they're women so how did you grow your fan base?
Speaker 1I mean, yeah, talk me through that, did you just? Was it like word of mouth? Did you like do marketing in specific areas, like how did that work?
Speaker 2yeah, I guess interesting. I don, I didn't really have a business plan to grow it, it happened very organically, I guess. I guess there's kind of two things that I went with. Two of the big things that I'm sort of based on is sort of like body confidence and self-image, and then also masculinity image and then also masculine in. In terms of body image, I guess there's been a really big shift in the last 10 years to just really start to embrace who you are.
Speaker 2Back in the day of studio porn you had to have a certain look to be a certain way. So if you were a top, like someone who fucks, you had to look a certain way to get into those roles. You had to kind of be big and masculine and brutish. And if you were a bottom, as someone who receives anal, you were kind of small and twinkie and like more feminine, because it was seen as like the top is the guy, the bottom is the girl. I'm the bottoms and I'm not at all twinkie or tiny, but big and rugged and hairy and stuff, and so that was sort of like a bit of a thing that like being a bottom was seen as feminine and I've sort of was like, well, no, I'm a bottom, I'm big and I'm just going to put myself out there and I'm a bit fitter now. But at the time I was a bit bigger and solider because I was more into rugby and powerlifting. I was a bit bigger and solider because I was more into rugby and powerlifting, and so I think the LGBTQ scene places like a really big positive emphasis on body types and there's someone for everyone. So, whether it's being lean, muscular or having a category, you're going to find someone for you.
Speaker 2So I just started as a chubby bear. That was my branding. I'm a chubby bear, I'm a body, but I've sort of gotten a bit fitter because, like, I'm nearly 40 now so I'm trying to like keep up on my health, yeah, but you know, like by by just putting my myself out there and being like well, I don't have to fit into a stereotype I suddenly found other people who were into me because that was what they were looking for. They were were looking for they were. A lot of people would be like, oh, it's so good to see like a big guy taking a big dick. That's what I've always wanted to watch and that's what I get off. So naturally, I sort of found a bit of an audience.
Speaker 2And then the other thing too is, I think, like I wouldn't say that I'm feminine but I'm what people would say is straight passing, and by that it means I would be walking down the street and people wouldn't instinctively know I'm gay, whereas we have such a broad spectrum of self-expression in the queer community. Some people really put themselves out there to let other people know that they are queer or whatever subsection they're in. And I think media the media too have a very certain way in which they portray queer people. There seems to be a lot of stereotypes. It's getting better. We're starting to see more realistic portrayals of the queer community in film and TV now.
Speaker 2But if you go back 10, 20 years ago, when I wasn't out like, the idea of the gay man was Will and Grace. It was like that hyper camp and that's what people assumed gay men were like. They didn't think that handymen or tradies or blue-collar workers could be gay because they're masculine. If you were gay you had to be like Will and Grace, and I'm not like that. So I just kind of put myself forward.
Speaker 2Masculinity is kind of in a bit of a crossroads where it's kind of quickly branded as toxic at the moment and certainly there's aspects of that. But I do think it's also a positive thing, because what I'm attracted to and always was growing up was very masculine men, and so I feel like masculinity is sort of about confidence in who you are and not necessarily fitting a role, and so I also try and put that forward to where I'm just like, I'm just myself. Although I'm straight passing and I'm rugged and I do all the things a straight man do, I'm actually gay and I'm open and yes, there are men like this and we can be gay as well. That stereotype doesn't just exist to all of us and the same it goes both ways. So I think that's how I sort of grew. My audience was through those two kind of cornerstones.
Speaker 3So nice right yeah you mentioned earlier as well that most of your audiences are straight men that are married men that sometimes want to just hook up, or what if you so? And then you are straight presenting as well, so do you think that's that actually what I would say? That actually helps them to feel more comfortable? Oh well, he's straight presenting, so I don't have to worry about if we're seeing in public someone think I'm gay.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think that's a massive part of it too, because, like I said, I also have a lot of younger fans that DM me who say that they feel that they're not represented on socials or in the media. Like they say, oh, like I enjoy sex with men but I don't identify as gay because I don't feel like I look like x when they see kind of queer people in in film or tv or whatever it is on social media and then they say but then I came across you and I identified with you for some reason. Like you feel, like what I feel like. So I find it interesting that like maybe there is this thing where representation is important, obviously, and making sure that we do have people who are role models that other people can relate to can help, because otherwise it leaves these boys who are sort of trying to figure out their sexuality, it fills them kind of isolated because they can't see themselves represented in wider society. So me being able to push myself through Instagram and platforms now and not be controlled by like a studio or a big media outlet, means that more people are starting to now have other role models that they can relate and connect with online, and so I think that's one of the big positives of social media is that you are able to find people, and obviously it doesn't just go towards me, it goes towards anyone like transgender people.
Body Confidence and Masculinity
Speaker 2If you're growing up as a trying to figure out not just your sexuality but your gender and you don't have access to role models who can, who you can look up to, it can be extremely isolating and it can be extremely frustrating and confusing because we feel like god, I'm the only one. And that's what I felt like growing up when I was figuring out that I was gay. I grew up, I was born in Outback Queensland, which is like our version of Texas, and then I moved to the farmlands of Tasmania, which I guess is something like moving to the Midwest, and it was actually illegal to be gay up until 1999 in my state. So even just me thinking that I'm gay and then knowing it was illegal and I didn't have social media, I didn't have anything. I had no role models, nothing to look up to, and I felt like I was the only one. So now I make it. I think it's important because I can relate to those people, having been in that position yeah, right.
Speaker 3So during that time were you having relationship with women?
Speaker 2no, I've never. I've never actually had, I've never actually had a girlfriend. So recently I have started to become more vicarious. I think it's because I have become so comfortable with my sexuality and sex as work. But now I'm kind of like, actually, why don't I do a scene with a woman or why don't I get fucked by, like, with a trans creator and I have worked with some trans creators now and that's probably more about me exploring my sexuality and kinks as opposed to my interests, as opposed to what I'm actually like want in a relationship.
Speaker 2But no, I majority of my experiences growing up was actually meeting other men, cruising. So I don't know if you know what cruising is for your listeners. So cruising is or we call it, going to beats in Australia. So it would be like Australia is quite like has a lot of space. So there would be kind of areas in the bush like a public toilet or even just a section of a park where other men know to go to, and they would cruise, walk around and make eye contact with other men and you would go off and have sex. It was kind of like an unknown or an unwritten rule that this area is kind of where you go to meet other guys just to get off and go home, and so it would attract gay, bi, straight, all types of guys. So for me I sort of discovered these places by accident and then I would hook up and then I learned of more places and then I would like sunday arvo, I would drive out to a beat that I knew of um, hook up with a guy and then go home and it was all secret, it was all down low and I kind of got to get off and that was me.
Speaker 2So that was kind of my sexual experiences growing up. Through high school and early university. I didn't really actually have relationships until my, my 20s, so I was a bit of a late comer to relationships, but I was very I was very advanced in sex. So when I was in high school I remember like my mates talking about getting to like second base with their girlfriend and it was such a big deal and I'm thinking like fuck, I sucked three guys off on Sunday at the park, like my level of sex was like way beyond. But then I didn't have the. I didn't have the relationship building or the connections or that important emotional stuff. I'm only just starting to learn more about that in my late thirties than when I should have been learning it in high school.
Speaker 1What made you come out and finally say I don't want to just have sex, I want to. Either was it a I want to fully embrace and demonstrate who I am, or I'm actually interested in developing some type of romantic relationship so I have to be out to do that.
Speaker 2I mean I don't think. I mean I sort of came out when I was 19 or 20, just before or just after I did a short stint in the Navy. So I kind of came out to my family and it was because I had started to see a guy at the time. It was sort of my first relationship and I don't know what the real reason was that I came out. I just did.
Speaker 2I always felt like, growing up with my family, I could never be myself and they never knew me. So I knew my sister, I knew my brother, I knew my mum and dad growing up, but they didn't know me because I always had a mask on, I was always hiding, I'd always be checking myself, I'd always be making sure if there was something gay to avoid it, and so I could never just be myself. And then I think, eventually, when I reached 20 and that I was just like, well, fuck it, why not, I need to just be myself because there's too much stress. And I sort of moved out of home and told them I didn't want to do it while I was at home and I moved to Melbourne where there was actually a gay community. It was when I first started going out to gay nightclubs. I didn't realise that there were such places. And then I started seeing that actually there are these safe spaces for people like me where there are other gay people for people like me. Where there are other gay people, there's gay suburbs or I guess you would say gay districts, where the queer community kind of congregate and you can be in this sort of safe space. And so I started to see that actually I'm not alone.
Speaker 2And then I came out to my family and it wasn't until I actually came out that my relationship with my family actually started to feel a lot more authentic. And even they said that I was completely different. They got to know me better in my twenties after I came out and when I was growing up, and I guess the same with relationships like early on in my twenties. I then started to kind of have a couple of boyfriends, but they weren't serious. And then it wasn't only until I met Sam that I had my first long-term relationship. And so I'm sort of just discovering a lot about myself now, about being able to be emotionally available and intimate, whereas in my 20s sex was very much a transactional, physical thing. Now I'm starting to explore it more in an intimate, romantic way which I haven't before.
Speaker 1Does it feel different? Is there a difference for you emotionally?
Speaker 2Yeah, there's a massive difference. I'd say there's a huge difference between the sex I have for work, because it's very performative. Even though it's amateur, you're still putting on a performance for someone to buy, so there's certain expectations that people have in a video. Then the sex I sort of have because I have an open relationship again is very different, because it's kind of messy, it's transactional, it's just kind of a lot of fun. And then the sex I have with my partner at home twice when we're private. It's something that we have together, that's more intimate, romantic and it's just for us. So there's kind of like these different parts of sex that I step in and out of, I guess, different parts of sex that I step in and out?
Speaker 1of? I guess Do you. I know you said that your relationship just ended. Do you think that it's going to be difficult to have another relationship being in this industry, or are you only interested in relationships with other people who are in this industry?
Growing Up Gay in Rural Australia
Speaker 2So I'm actually dating someone else now. Mine and Sam's relationship sort of ended because I sort of met someone else and he isn't exactly out at the moment either. So we're kind of at opposite ends of the spectrum where I'm kind of this really out there public porn star and he's. He's at the start of his journey and it's been a really interesting thing to navigate just because of the two extremes. So he's learning a lot about himself and I'm starting to learn a lot about myself and I think it's in a really positive way where he's introducing me to this, this thing of oh we have what we have can stay with us. And he's come from a bit of a heteronormative background. So he's starting to discover how he can have sex with other people but still be in a relationship and not affect the relationship. So it's a bit of a balancing act.
Speaker 2I don't know if I would want to date someone specifically in the industry, because for me me it's kind of nice having someone that isn't in that world, because it means that when I'm with my partner I can step out of that world and I have something that's just to myself and is just me, because when I'm in that world of only, and like I do a lot of promos for gay parties and overseas things, I'm very exposed and very public. Like I can walk into a bar in Barcelona and the whole bar will know who I am. So that's that. That can be very confronting and if we're out people will want to get photos and things. So I can never really be out in public and have a bit of a private life anymore.
Speaker 2People instantly know and recognise me, so I have to be on. But when I'm with Tice back home I don't have to be on, I can just be myself and that gives me an escape. And for him it's kind of the opposite. He's in his own little world and he can be safe. And then, if he wants, he can kind of step into that world and get a bit of a buzz or a bit of a thrill. But he's not noticed, he's not like as public as me. So he kind of gets to get a little taste of it as well and then can step away from it.
Speaker 1So I think it's a good balance so I'm about to get so nosy because you haven't already no, no, even more, Because I'm just I'm a psychologist by training and I'm just so interested in relationships. So I have two huge questions. We'll see if we get to the second one Open relationships and you said your relationship with your.
Speaker 2Do you a primary partner? I just my partner. I only have one. I'm not poly or anything, I just have one partner.
Speaker 1So but we're in an open relationship which means you can have sex with other people, but you're not supposed to fall in love with somebody else correct.
Speaker 2Yeah, so I think for and I. We had a long-term relationship for six years. So we sort of met before OnlyFans. We moved in together. He had a big crush on me. I sort of didn't at the start, but I grew to love him and together we built a business through OnlyFans and I think what happened was because we sort of stepped through.
Speaker 2We had an open relationship which worked really well for us. So that meant that we could go off and play with someone by ourselves, or we could invite someone in for threesomes, or we'd go away on weekends with mates and have kind of group sex, and that's very common in the gay community. It sounds a bit out there, but that's just how it kind of is and it didn't mean anything because for us, the aspects in a relationship that were important was not so much the sex, because as a gay man, you can kind of go and get sex whenever, wherever you want. It's not something that is hard to come by. You don't have to pay for it either. Whereas straight men will often engage escorts or go to strip clubs and have to they expect to pay for gay men you can just open an app and get someone around in 15 minutes to suck your dick, like it's super accessible. So sex was not like one of the priorities of the relationship for us. It was more about the stuff we built together and like the everyday stuff, because that was special. I didn't have that with my hookups, I had that with my partner, right.
Speaker 2But I guess too, as we sort of worked through OnlyFans and sex started to become more like we're doing a lot of scenes together, like we have over 500 scenes, and a lot of them were together in them. So for us the sex did start to become like work. So we started to have less sex in our personal life because it was always like, well, we should be filming this or we've just we've done a big sex show where we filmed multiple collabs. And so I think that kind of broke down our relationship a little bit, where we started to fall more into a sort of friend zone where we had like a cohabitation but we had kind of lost that intimacy and connection.
Speaker 2So after sort of five years I suddenly met this new boy and I had this amazing connection with him and I suddenly realized that had been missing from mine and Sam's relationship. And Sam also saw it and realized that had also been missing. I like the intimacy, and all of that had gone. And so we both kind of came to a realization that actually I think we have had the journey together that we've needed to have and that now it's time to to move on.
Speaker 2And Sam was like 21 when I met him, and I was 33 or 32 and I'm 39 now and he's 28, so there's quite a big age difference too. So we both decided to, I guess, end the journey together but still stay business partners. So and now, because I'm much more aware of what it means in terms of how important sex actually is in a relationship, who I'm seeing now? I don't work with them in scenes, I don't engage through OnlyFans with them or that, because I know that by doing that could put the relationship at risk. So it's nice now to not have to make the sex with us feel like work, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1Oh, it does it takes some of the sacredness out of your intimate interaction and makes it a business. This is such an oversimplification of what you're describing. This is such an oversimplification of what you're describing.
Speaker 2but you enjoy cooking and then you become a chef and it becomes work, and then you don't like doing that for your partner or with your partner anymore, because it's work Correct, yeah, and I think people think that sex is sex, but there's actually very different aspects of sex, and I'm sure it's exactly the same for women too. This isn't just to men, where it's transactional. Women today as well, like women, enjoy sex as well. So I don't really see it as something that is just specific to men, but I think there are different levels to sex where we've learned as a society now that sex is not just this thing you have in a traditional marriage of, like patriarchy and the religious institution for children.
Speaker 2Sex can be physical, sex can be fun, it can be transactional, it can be intimate, it can be romantic, it can be whatever you want it to be, and so there are these different like levels to sex and sexuality where you can dip into them and you can be like, hey, I'm just up for a bit of fun and that's all it is. Like I have fun with this person because we have good sexual chemistry and they're a bit of a regular, but it won't go anything beyond that because everything else is incompatible. But then I have this person who I'm sort of dating, who we have a lot of compatibility and we have a more romantic connection and stuff like that. So I think people are starting to understand now, and we as a society, that you can engage with sex in these different levels, whereas before we had a very rigid one point of view of what sex meant so do you feel like this is an evolution then?
Speaker 1because other people might call it like a breakdown of society. Yeah, devolving, being more primitive and tapping into, just like your primal urges and not whatever yeah, I mean definitely like.
Open Relationships and Work-Life Balance
Speaker 2Sex has always been in the media too, and sex does sell. I think the thing to note is that not everyone engages in sex the same way. So although it is becoming more acceptable to kind of dip into casual sex or to consume porn or not, not everyone has that point of view. But I think it's more about letting people who do want to explore those things. They're not as vilified now, they're not shamed or labeled as like a slut kind of thing.
Speaker 210, 20 years ago if you were doing porn and it was found out, you were kind of like a slut, a whore, like you were a degenerate. Now, if someone says OnlyFans, people are like, oh, I have an OnlyFans account as well. You know, like the whole aspect of OnlyFans now putting sex at the front and people realising that, hey, it's not a bad thing, you can make money and these are normal people like me. Doing it has kind of broken those barriers of sex down, that it's. Hey, we don't actually have to shame these people because they're just like me, they're just doing what they want to do and they're not hurting anyone. So I think it's a positive thing. But I can also see that it can go into a direction as well where we need to have a little bit of a check and balance too, because if it goes too far, then there is a breakdown Right, and that did happen in my relationship.
Speaker 1Okay, there is a breakdown, so right. And that that did happen in my relationship, so okay. And I think that you, I think I heard you say that your current partner is learning how to have sex with other people while being in a relationship. Is that right? Yeah, correct, yeah. When you say that, I I hear that's not necessarily something that he was into and it's something you introduced him to and now he's trying it to see if it works for him. Is that accurate or no?
Speaker 2Yeah, Well, before he dated me he dated girls, so he was in that sort of closed relationship scene when he met me. I'm obviously a porn star. Part of my job is having sex with other people and then I was also in an open relationship which allowed me to meet him. So when, like in a way, when he started to want to date me, I guess by he already knew what he was sort of getting into. It was like he fell in love with me. And he fell in love with me because I am the person I am, which is very sexually open and adventurous and stuff.
Speaker 2But obviously, you know, you can't just go from being used to monogamous relationships to being fully open and I can't just go from being fully open into a monogamous relationship. It's impossible with my job. So we're now currently navigating that space where we can find a happy medium and that that can be challenging at times. So, but I think it's more about communicating and making sure that, like we're open and honest with each other about our needs and wants and how we're feeling, just so that it doesn't feel like we're not making each other the priority, Because I think that's the important thing. As long as you're still number one, then that's okay. It's about having that open and honest communication as opposed to actually doing the acts themselves.
Speaker 3So does people at your nine-to-five job know that you are a content creator on OnlyFans?
Speaker 2No, I try to keep the two worlds very separate, actually, like I don't ever mix the two. So I keep my full-time job very separate to my online persona and job, mainly so, like I'm kind of doing OnlyFans at night and on the weekends, whereas like my nine to five, that's Monday to Friday, so they're very contained.
Speaker 1So but you could which a lot of people do have someone recognize you from it. They could watch your content and then it bleeds and it's happened, it's absolutely happened.
Speaker 2People I've been in the workplace and someone's come up to me and sat down and I know of them, but they and then they say, I follow you and I'm like really, and I'll be like, well, that's great, but you know, I'm at work and this is not a conversation for me right now. But I think like generally it is again a little bit different in the gay community to the straight community. If I wasn't, if I was a straight OnlyFans creator, and particularly if I was a woman, and because this has happened to women who have done OnlyFans and they've been fired from their jobs for being discovered by a male colleague or whatever for having an OnlyFans account, and generally in the straight community people will come after them, whether that's through jealousy or whatever or like vindictiveness. It's usually there is some fallout.
Speaker 2In the gay community it is slightly different, where we kind of have this buffer where I could be, I could go into a meeting and there's another gay boy there and I've seen him out at the club Saturday night off his face doing drugs, getting drunk, having sex or whatever.
Speaker 2But we're in a professional environment now and we'll make eye contact and I'll be like I know what you did Saturday.
Speaker 2But there's this like cone of silence, like the gay cone of silence, where we have this understanding.
Speaker 2Where it's, I'm not going to say anything because I know that you saw me doing the exact same thing.
Speaker 2So, and I have a colleague at work who I would see at gay parties doing the exact same thing as me and then on Monday we'd be in a meeting together and we'd both have this little cheeky grin of knowing what we got up to. And we're both feeling a bit rough this morning but we're not going to say anything because our straight colleagues have no idea what we get up to and we're just here in a professional sense to get our paycheck and have a coffee, here in a professional sense to get our paycheck and have a coffee. So I'm a little bit fortunate in that respect. And I think too, the fact that I'm gay if someone does recognise me at work majority of the working force is straight. They're either gay or they're not out, so they're not going to come out and expose themselves or because they're gay, they have an understanding of the community and how we are. So there is that mutual kind of respect of the boundaries. So I've been fortunate in that respect.
Speaker 3Yeah that makes sense. So what about your family members? Any of them know about your content creating.
Speaker 2Yes, my family definitely know about my content, and same with Sam's family, because, like all of a sudden, we went from not travelling to suddenly appearing in the UK to suddenly being like, hey, we're going to LA, we're going to LA again. And they'd be like where are you getting all this money for travel and stuff? And then I had my socials and I kind of just was like, oh, I got to a point where I was posting all of our trips on social with like our collab stars and stuff, and I was like this is kind of sad, because I'm kind of having all these really great trips and my family can't see or know them. So I just kind of added my family through my social account. I was like fuck it, I'm just gonna add them so that they can, so that they don't miss out on my journey, kind of thing. And they were like this is great, I can't believe you're doing this.
Career Discretion and Family Acceptance
Speaker 2And they were actually really supportive. So they and I kind of said to myself, if they didn't reject me for coming out for being gay, then fuck it. They're not going to reject me for doing OnlyFans. So, which is worse, yeah. So yeah, they might not know the extent to which I do it, but they definitely know I do it. Okay, all right.
Speaker 3Wow, kobe, what's your Holy For fans page handle for our listeners?
Speaker 2yeah, it's just my name, kobe forks f-a-l-k-s. So and that's where you'll find me on instagram as well, or our twitter slash x. It's just kobe k-o-b-y forks f-a-l-k-s. Triple x on twitter. But yeah, it's a pretty unique name, kobe, so if you search me, you'll definitely probably get a top hit result.
Speaker 3F-A-L-K-S. That's right.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3And are you on Facebook? You didn't mention Facebook.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, I'm on Facebook too. I mean, I'm pretty much like I'm on Facebook, tiktok, blue Sky, instagram, twitter, x, x, whatever. Like. This is the thing like shooting the sex scenes for only fans. It's like the easy part.
Speaker 3Managing all of those social medias accounts is the hard part and I'm on everything, so okay if so, kobe, if there's someone out there that's listening to you and that wants to explore their sexuality and probably thinking about probably do some content creating, but you're not sure because they're worried about someone seeing them, or they're there but they're not fully comfortable what advice would you have to that person?
Speaker 2I guess for us there's two things. Number one before we started OnlyFans, one of the tipping points for us was that there used to be these like pages, like on the dating apps. I would send nudes and pictures to fellas and they would get screenshot and put online anyway. So there were already pictures of me naked online on like forums, on Reddit forums or Tumblr or whatever. So I was. Well, there's already pictures of me online.
Speaker 2I may as well make my content, put it online and start making some money. And the second frame of mind I said to myself was if I start doing this, I have to expect that people are going to find out. I can't keep this hidden, because once it's online, it's always online and someone will find it eventually, whether it's straight away or 10 years down the track, someone will find out, like my family will find out. So I would say that if you're looking at starting to do content, ask yourself if you were to find pictures of yourself online, how do you feel? And number two maybe put your frame of mind of not I can't be found out, but just expect that you are going to be found out, and then you can make a decision going forward about how you feel about that, Because I would just say having that frame of mind that it's not if, but when, will really help shape you making that decision Right.
Speaker 3All right, colby, a great conversation. I could continue this conversation for a very long time, so listeners. There you have it. Kobe fox. He's an australian businessman. He's an elephant celebrity known all over the world for his content creating. He rose to fame by being ambitious, comfortable with his sexuality and has a vision. Kobe creates film to express himself confidently and work to shape the way masculinity is portrayed from an LGBTQ plus point of view. Kobe also prides himself with being a role model to eliminate the stereotype of male identity in the queer community. Thank you, kobe, for being on A Queer Understanding. This was an exceptional session. It is. Thank you, kobe, for being on A Queer Understanding. This was an exceptional session. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1Thanks, Kobe.