Real People with Real Problems Series Pt. 1

Welcome to the very first episode in our new series, Real People with Real Problems.

In this episode, I’m reading anonymous emails from listeners who are dealing with real-life situations and looking for honest advice. No scripts, no perfect answers, just real conversations about the things people go through every day.

From relationship issues to family drama, tough decisions, and moments where someone just needs an outside perspective, these stories come straight from real people who chose to share what they’re going through.

If you’ve ever needed advice but didn’t know who to ask, you’re definitely not alone.

Have a situation you want advice on? You can submit your story anonymously and it might be featured in a future episode.

Sometimes the best conversations start with a couch, a cookie, and a real problem to talk about.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey friends, welcome to season two, episode three of Cookies, Couches, and Conversation. I am your favorite host as always, Mallory Pettinger. This episode, we're gonna do things just a little bit different. I was thinking about this season, and I'm like, you know what? I want to do I want to do some stuff that I haven't done before. I want to switch it up a little bit. So I opened up my inbox online to people to email me their situations and their stories that they wanted read to my listeners to get advice, to um see what people think, to just kind of vent what they had going on and to see if we could help them figure those situations out. I am calling this series Real People with Real Problems. I have some stories today that I have not read. I just picked them out of my inbox because I would just like to give people my honest opinion. And I'm encouraging you to do that in the comments, whether you're listening or you're watching on YouTube or whatever it is, help the people out. They need our help. They're writing in because they are at a point where they don't know what to do. They don't know what to tell that friend, they don't know what to tell that family member, they don't know what to tell that significant other, and they really, really just need some help and to know that people are out there to help them. Now, I will say this: I am in no way, shape, or form an expert or a therapist or anything of the sort. So, yes, I'm going to give my opinion or my thoughts or whatever you want to call it. Yes, I'm encouraging my listeners to do the same, but please do not take what any of us say as gospel. Like, consider it, take it into consideration absolutely, because some people have been through the exact same thing that you're going through. But please talk to the people who know you the best, talk to those that are close to you. If you need to go see somebody and talk it out with them, but do not take what we say as the thing that you need to go do, take it into consideration and figure it out from there. Well, without further ado, we're going to read the first story here. And again, I have I've not heard, I should say I have not read this. This is my first time reading it. I just grabbed it and I'm ready to go. Okay, we ready? Let's do it. This is from Mia Smith, anonymous name. Looking for advice and opinions. Last night my husband got home from work. I had made dinner, bathed our youngest, and said, After I finished playing this game with my son, I need to go run some errands. He said, Where are you going? And I said, To a few stores. My youngest was sitting right there, so I was trying to be discreet, but I needed some time alone as I am with our kids 24-7. And if he heard, he would beg to come. My other child came downstairs and asked where I was going, and I said just to run some errands, and my husband said, Mm-hmm. That's an odd reaction, but all right. You are being extremely deceptive. Because she said she needs to run some errands. I'm gonna save my judgment. I'm gonna reserve my judgment for later. Anyway, you are being extremely deceptive. I said, I am not. I just have to grab a few things and we'll be back home. He said, Seems weird to me. What's wrong with dude? What? You know what? Again, I'm gonna reserve my judgment. I'm not gonna say nothing. Okay. I was like, I don't know what could be weird about it. Anyways, he continued on until he made a big enough deal about it that my youngest took interest in where I was going, and then he begged to come with me. Exactly what she was trying to prevent. Literally, exactly what she was trying to prevent. Whatever. When we got home, I was on a phone call with my oldest grandma, and I went to get the mail, and my husband pulled the curtains aside and was watching me. I have never done anything to make him think I am cheating, nor have I ever. I am bothered by this. I am never allowed any alone time, and if I want it, then I am treated like garbage because obviously I am up to something. He knew I was pissed last night because of the way he acted. This morning I'm still mad and he is now mad at me because he has done nothing wrong and I have the problems. He always manages to turn everything around on me and will eventually say I was just joking, like he always does, yet these things are never said in a joking manner, and it's just his way of making me out to look like the jerk. Mia, Mia, Smith, Mia. Um, let me start by saying, Mia, um, obviously, you're not a jerk. You are not wrong for wanting alone time, especially when you have the kids 24-7. If you didn't have the kids 24-7, you are not alone or wrong, I should say, for having the urge to have alone time. You're a human. Sometimes people just want to be alone, and that's okay. Next, let me say it's not you, it's him. And I see a lot of people in the comments saying, Well, I'm just gonna say, I think that he's cheating, and because he's cheating, he thinks that you're cheating, or he thinks that you're also doing something sneaky. I wouldn't say that. Like, that's a a stretch if there have been no indications that he is cheating, if she's not seen anything or gotten any kind of vibes from how he was moving. I'm not just gonna say this lady's husband is cheating. What I will say is that he's controlling. How do I know? Ask me how I know. When somebody needs to know your every move and control your every move, yeah, they got a little bit of a narcissistic problem. And it's not just something that popped out, Mia. He's been giving you hints that he is a narcissistic controlling person for a long time. And I know you know that. Because number one, this didn't just start, this has probably been going on for a long time. And if you really, really, really think back, you're going to see little patterns of him trying to clock your movements. You're going to see little patterns of him timing how long you took asking where all did you go? Because he needs to know every single stop that you made. I know I'm right because I've been there. So I won't say that he's cheating, but what I will say is maybe you need to take a step back and figure out if your relationship is the relationship you signed up for. Right? It's hard because we love people and we don't want to see the red flags. And even if we do see the red flags, depending on how in love we are at the time, we see that as being cute, um, really wanting to be with you, um, just enjoying spending time with you and wanting you to only want to spend time with them. Like we justify it in so many ways. It's it's actually insane how much we justify the red flags. But at the end of the day, the red flags aren't gonna unread themselves. They're not gonna magically turn green, they're just going to get worse, Mia. Ask me how I know. I'm going to say you need to evaluate what's important for you. Like, I get that you have small kids, and when small kids are involved, we make totally different decisions for ourselves that we would not make if the kids were not involved. So here's the thing that I want you to ask yourself. Has this been going on for a long time? Has this progressively gotten worse? Do you feel like you can't go anywhere or do anything? Because already you've said that you feel like you can't have any alone time. That's not okay. We need alone time sometimes to just recharge from everything that we have going on, like not even related to the kids or the husband, but sometimes our lives are just in a place where we just need to take a minute, we just need to take a breath, we need to step back, and we just need to spend some time decompressing and just calming down from everything that we have going on and all the feelings that we're feeling. If you can't even have a moment to yourself without being made to feel like that moment is selfish, or that moment is deceptive, or that moment is you doing something sneaky. Ask yourself how how do you anticipate being able to live your life like that? Because what's going to eventually happen, you are going to convince yourself that you're gonna have to be content with being miserable for the sake of the relationship or for the sake of the kids. And Mia, I promise you, we don't make decisions about the rest of our lives for the sake of the kids. Like I know that it's not something that people should probably say, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it. Because eventually the kids will be okay. It might not be fast, it might not be soon, but the kids will be okay. Figure out what you need to do for you to be okay because the kids ain't gonna always be there. So are you going to make a permanent decision for the rest of your life for kids who are going to grow up and go on to live their lives, and now you've spent the majority of their lives being unhappy and miserable for the sake of protecting them, or are you going to take a little bit of selfishness and make a decision for you that may affect them in the short run, but they will be okay with in the long run so that everybody can be happy? Again, not telling you what to do, Mia, but some evaluating is uh is is called for. I I think you need to take a look at some things and figure out what's best for you. I hope that you get the answers that you're looking for, and I hope that you can find some people to talk you through what you got going on because whoo baby, been there, done that, do not recommend. Okay, we are going to move on now to Jane. Jane is uh looking for some advice about staying married. All right, Jane, let's get into your situation. Hmm. Just venting out and I guess looking for advice. Is it even worth staying married when your husband makes you feel makes you pay for half of everything? I'm sorry, not makes you feel. When he constantly tells you that he is solving your life and all you and your son's problems, he still expects me to do all the wife duties, cook, clean, laundry, and the bedroom stuff. But he won't even change my car oil when needed. He says I have to figure it out myself. Backstory. When we first got together, I would pay for anything and everything that was needed at home. Food, detergent, dish soap, um, paper towels, toilet paper, shampoo, body wash, etc. He started a small company which I helped him out with a lot. I would go do my job, then go help him or go help him with his job. I would do receipts and quotes and file paperwork, and then out of nowhere he turned around and said, I didn't do anything for him, and whatever I did was not enough, so I had to start paying half of everything. Okay, okay, okay, okay. It's hard reserving your judgment for these situations until the end. Um, I make less than$500 every two weeks after insurance payments, which are$700. A couple weeks ago, my son wanted something and I told him that I had no money because I had sent it to dad. Even he was shocked and said he charges you rent. What's the point of being married then? Jane, my girl. Go and get up out that jam, baby. And I mean that with love. Um he don't even like you. He don't like you. He don't like you. I I I wish I had another way to say that he doesn't like you. And I don't know if he don't like you because um something is wrong. Like he feels a type of way about himself, and the only way that he can feel better is to project that on you and make things your responsibility and your fault. Um but he don't like you, baby. That's really he don't like you, okay? Um there is no man, there is no head of household man that would be okay with and happy with seeing his wife struggle. Like, I'll just say this me and my husband, we don't do 50-50, I help. But we do that because his money is my money and my money is his money, and we do what we need to do for the sake of our household. Nobody has to bear the brunt of anything alone. If I don't have it, he got it. If he ain't got it, I got it. And that's just how we roll. And people do things differently, but at the end of the day, in a marriage, you have to be partners. And partners is like you don't do nothing and you don't do enough, so you need to start paying half. That's not how that works. You can't buy something because you don't have enough money, but he got it. He don't like you, baby. Like, I really don't even. I wish I could sugarcoat it to make it sound a little bit better, but he don't like you. That man don't like you. It is what it is. Like, he may have loved you at some point, he may even still kind of love you now, but he don't like you. He most definitely don't like you. Because if he liked you, he would want to give you the world, even if he couldn't. And and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that he must have a lot of money too to, you know, quote, give you the world. But giving you the world comes in different forms. Giving you the world can come in the form of making sure you don't want for anything, even the small things. If he just takes care of the small things so that you don't have to worry about stuff, that that could that is considered giving you the world. If he makes sure that y'all are working together to happily be able to live lives comfortably, that is giving you the world. There is no man, no real man, no real head of household man that I have ever met that would allow his wife to just pay half of everything and watch her struggle to do it. I will say that you you mentioned he started a business and you helped him with his business. Okay. Y'all are building something, and it sounded like in the beginning y'all were building it together, but now y'all are not. It's different. Let's take the and now y'all are not part out of it, right? It's different when a couple is building something together. Everybody gotta get their hands dirty, everybody gotta throw in some elbow grease, right? And paying 50-50, even when it's hard, is sometimes what you have to do to build up whatever it is that you're trying to build until you can get to a place where that doesn't need to happen anymore, and some of those burdens can be eased, right? That is usually a a a man's goal to do for his family. This sounds like something in life is not going right, has not gone right, and it is easier for him to force you to pick up the slack than to admit to himself that he has failed or is failing at whatever that thing is that he's not saying out loud. And that's not that's not somebody you can trust when the rainy times come. You know what I mean? Um I would not put my trust in a person like that to pick me up when I was down, to when things got rough to fight through it with me. Because he's not even with you now. He don't like you. And that's unfortunate. Um drop your drop your opinions in the comments if you've ever been through something like that. Help Jane out because I'm really trying to find other words to say that would not equate to he don't like you, but that is literally all I got. That man really can't like you if seeing you struggle is okay for him, if that's not breaking his heart, to watch his wife struggle, to not be able to buy her own child something, like my heart hurts for you that you ever had to deal with something like that, to not be able to do something for your kids because you can't afford to do it, because your husband would rather would rather see you struggle than to step up more and be a real husband. That breaks my heart for you. He does not like you. And the only thing that I got for real, for real, is get up out that jam because that you don't want to build a life with somebody like that. Maybe he will wake up one day, maybe when you say I can't do this, I'm done. Something will click for him. But I don't know. Um, and if I'm gonna take a step back, I will say I have been divorced before. I'm married now, very happily married now, and I would not wish divorce on anybody. Like, zero out of ten do not recommend was one of the worst and most painful things that I have ever been through. But when I think about the alternative being having convinced myself that I didn't deserve to be happy, that I didn't deserve to be loved in the way that I always imagined being loved and cared for. If I had to do it again, I'd do it again and make the same decision. But if you feel in your heart, Jane, that there is something going on that you can work through, absolutely work through it. I wouldn't just be like, yeah, divorce him, girl. But it does not sound like he likes you. And you can't you can't do that. You can't stay in a marriage where the person doesn't even like you. And I'm not talking about like the don't like that husbands and wives experience when they're just going through rough patches and just everything about the other person just makes you mad and you just don't even want to be around them because y'all are just going through some stuff. It happens, right? I'm talking about this has been going on for a while now, it looks right. And it's perfectly fine for him. Not only is it perfectly fine for him, but he won't even do small things. You need to figure it out. I thought we was I thought we was partners with this. Like, why do I need to figure out how to change my oil? Why can't you change it? Or why can't you, you know, take it for me to get it changed so I everything could be done correctly and nothing is missed. Like, you don't even want to make sure like your wife has a safe car to drive. He don't like you, baby. He don't like you. And before I say too much more on that man, I'm just going to say again, have some conversations with the people around you. If you need to go talk to somebody, talk it out. Um, if you really, really, really think that this is temporary, or maybe he's going through something and y'all can work on it if he's willing to work on and admit or speak out loud whatever he's going through, do that. Absolutely do that. If this is something that you think is going to last because that's just who he is as a person, and that's who he's always been as a person, get up, get up out there, gym. For yourself and your kid. Get just run and don't look back. Okay, that's gonna do it for me and the first episode of this series, Real People with Real Problems. I hope you join me next week. And drop a drop a like for me in those ratings, subscribe to the YouTube and wherever you get your podcast, and support the channel. I appreciate y'all. See ya. Bye.