160. Turning Grief Into Positive Impact: Ghost Flower with Ksenia Merck

Turning Grief Into Something Positive: A Journey Of Healing

In this episode, I sit down with Ksenia Merck — artist, architect, and illustrator of the posthumously published science-fiction novel Ghost Flower written by her late husband. Ksenia shares how creativity became a lifeline after loss, helping her weave together the physical, emotional, and cosmic layers of her experience. Their discussion explores the transformative power of art as a healing modality, the courage it takes to complete a loved one’s unfinished work, and the unexpected clarity that emerges when imagination and spirit intersect.

Ksenia J. Merck is an artist, architect, and creative storyteller whose work bridges the worlds of structure, imagination, and spirit.

Her latest endeavor, Ghost Flower, is a genre-blending science fiction novel written by her late husband, William F. Merck, II. After his passing, Ksenia brought the book to life through her vivid illustrations and posthumous publication, honoring his legacy through art. Their co-creation follows a love that transcends time and asks a profound question: what are we, as humanity, willing to do today for future generations? Additionally, Ksenia authored The Ghost Flower Companion Journal, pairing her artwork with though-provoking quotes and questions that invite readers to reflect on love, loss, and the mysteries of existence.

Ksenia's art is both architectural and ethereal-- sketches that merge the precision of design with the freedom of spirit. Drawing inspiration from her travels, her relationship, and her fascination with the cosmos, her work explores connection, resilience, and the timeless dance between souls and stars.

As a Program Manager for large-scale airport capital programs in Orlando, Ksenia has spent over four decades shaping physical spaces, while her art explores the emotional and cosmic ones. And as a lifelong lover of art, history, and nature, Ksenia continues to share her story by inspiring audiences with her journey of creativity, healing, and love that transcends time. Originally from Arizona, she now calls Florida home, but her heart still wanders the Southwest where her artistic path first began.

Website: https://www.merckiipress.com/ 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/merck2press/ 

JJ DiGeronimo is an award-winning author, speaker, and podcast host dedicated to helping women trust their inner wisdom, illuminate their gifts, and align with meaningful work. As the host of the Together We Seek Podcast, JJ creates sacred spaces to explore light, energy practices, and ancient wisdom with healers, mystics, and spiritual teachers. Through authentic conversations, she encourages listeners to embrace their unique gifts, deepen their self-trust, and remember the wisdom they already carry.

JJ is the author of four books, including her latest release, Illuminate Your Path: 6 Phases of Spiritual Awakening. Find Your Phase at: https://quiz.jjdigeronimo.com/

Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/JJ-DiGeronimo/author/B01INZ5GA2 

Website:  https://jjdigeronimo.com         
Together We Seek Community: https://www.togetherweseek.online/                                                               

Transcript

Grief Support | Turning Grief Into Something Positive: Ghost Flower with Ksenia Merck

Hello. Hello. This is JJ Digiradimo. I am very excited to join you here today, and I'm so grateful that you continue to listen to these amazing stories of transformations through Crossroads. And today is such an interesting story because we're gonna talk about the grief that so many go through, but how you turn grief into growth.

And I can't wait to get into the story. So

first of all, I just wanna extend my energy, Senya, for just how difficult it is to move through grief to create growth. And I wanna really understand for you, like, how does grief settle for you in your body, and how have you allowed that to move into growth…

Well…

first question that you asked, how does it settle into my body, or how is it settling into my body? I think that…the grief affected every every inch of my body. I I feel like it felt it affected every chakra. It affected me all through my body, um, and because my heart was broken. My heart was completely broken…and…

that…does translate to pain. Uh, it for me, it did. And, um…

so that that's that's how grief affected me through every aspect. And and then I I ended up, um, having to get some routine checkups on things, and they were finding things. Uh, and I think it was because my body was just in total stress from the grief, from this situation, from this…trauma. And so there was a lot to to work through…

a lot to work through to get to a different place that was a healthier place…

And so there are many people that will listen to this that are in grief right now. They could be hours, days, weeks into grief. What were some of the tools and techniques that you use to sort of move yourself out of that energy, out of this, like, such a heavy energy at times? Well, I I would when you talk about a heavy energy for me, and I was thinking about this question about what what is you know, how do I define grief? And to me, this energy is like this this blanket, this fog that is that is…a cloud around was a cloud around me.

And…so, you know, I I think in the first stages of it, um, I was doing. I was doing things. I was, you know, I I don't know how I was doing it, but I was, uh, kind of on autopilot with a lot of things in my daily life. And I was doing it. I was doing these things, but there was this fog…

this dense fog over me. And, um, for me…

I had to work through a lot of administrative things after, uh, my husband Bill passed, and and he wanted his third novel, his third book, Ghost Flower published. And and I had said, yes. I'm gonna do that. And we had talked every day about the book, and he was so excited about it. And so…

when I got to the point where I was through with some of this administrative stuff, I got into the book. And…I was so I had these moments of being so excited, and then I would cry, and then I would be smiling, and I could feel myself smiling. And that was a breakthrough. That was a huge breakthrough. And so it's like there was a there was, like, this this hole that went into that fog, and I started the the light started to come in.

And it was this book, and it was Bill that sparked me to…to really…

go forward with it, and I was so inspired by it that I knew it had to be shared. Uh, the story was so powerful to me with the themes in it and how he wove in the the purpose of saving humanity in the future. I was on it, And it was it was just it it that sparked me, and I have been on this journey about this book, this Merc two Press since then. And it is it is a passion for me, and I love it because I love Bill. And I know he's guiding me and helping me through this right now.

I know he has been with me through every sketch, every painting, and, um, I feel that this is a gift…for me. And I am forever grateful to my husband for this…

Yes. yes. I can feel it. I can feel it. And…

because, anyway, I know you lost your husband, and he had this unpublished book left. And when you look at this unpublished book, do you feel like spiritually…that was how it was supposed to be? Absolutely.

I know that I have a sole contract with Bill, the way it is unfolding, and the more I think about…the moment when I was in it, I was inspired. But then I look back and I think, gosh. This this is a bigger plan, and I'm doing the plan. I can feel it that that is what it was supposed to be.

This is what I'm supposed to do. I feel…that with all of my heart. I feel like your angels are cheering right now. That's how I feel. Think they are too, and and I know that the angels are here with me.

this is why this is such a gift to me. And, um, I I just I love this opportunity to be with you to speak about it…

I think that it's so neat that you have woven your own gifts into his gifts. So you have a day job. I just love this idea that you have a very demanding day job. But off the side of your desk, you have used the book Ghost Flower written by your late husband, Bill, that he's working side by side with you not in the physical world, but I feel like in the spiritual world. Yes.

It's given you sort of a purpose and a line to move or use the grief for good…

Absolutely. Absolutely. And that is…that is the main theme for me is that this gift has given me…a purpose. And I'm looking at my life right now. I'm looking at my own kind of mini life review about the first part of my life was before Bill, then Bill.

We were married for twenty eight years…

And so now what am I gonna do for the rest of my life? And I feel that this is my purpose, and…I'm really excited about it. And it's interesting how something that was so crushing and devastating…um, that Bill has helped me…to turn this around and to find this purpose and this gift of this project. And, really, now our purpose also to help people through these kind of situations…Um, very, very important to me. and, of course, honoring my husband's legacy, which is which is just so very important to me.

Yes. Yes. It is important. But what is also important is that you have written a companion guide with your gifts. And I think this is so magical because it's great to sort of foster the energy of someone you love into creating the light and energy around their work, but you've done it in such a way that you've illustrated a companion journal to go along with it that harnesses your gifts.

Yes. And I love this for people because I feel like so many women give and do for others, but you have committed and done that. But you have have your sidecar attached to it with your in the passenger seat saying, you know what? I'm gonna illustrate your life as an artist and the artwork that you've done that you've used it as a tool to bring forward who you are too. Yes.

And that, you know, that is a side of the the art in itself to do the art, to, uh

, be in those quiet moments, those intense moments, and and to be creative. Those were connection points with Bill and and the divine, um, that that are hugely…

uh, special to me, and that is why this is I'm so passionate about this. And…and, um…it is…the the art in itself and then putting the the companion journal together, I think it really complements the book with, um, pulling out some of those…spiritual and philosophical questions that are tied to those chapters and to the sketches. And some of the things that I was thinking about as I was reading the book and working on the project, and a lot of it is what would you do so this team in the future is trying to find a cure for this massive pandemic and they have to do time travel to fifteen eighty five, the time of Shakespeare, to find and plant clues about this mysterious ghost flower that was brought by aliens thousands of years prior to, and the whole purpose of this is to save humanity. So so one of the questions in the journal is would you do time travel…to fifteen eighty five to plant clues to save the humanity in the future? This is a major thing.

who would do that? Those people knew that they were not gonna come back, and they they did that to save humanity. How many people would do that right now? And I can tell you that…

if I had the chance of going to fifteen eighty five to save humanity, but to meet my twin flame again, I would jump out that window right now and do it…

.…I feel like it brings together so many different layers of humanity, spirituality, you know, aliens, health care, all these pieces, and it's so beautiful. When you got the idea to create a companion guide, did you accept that initially, or did you be like, oh, I don't wanna take away from his work?

I mean, did you have this inner struggle a little bit about where you fit into the project? No. I no. When I was doing the no. When I was doing the sketches, I knew because what was happening with the sketches was I was drawing sketches, and then then we were looking at what chapters would it apply to, and there were certain chapters that had to have certain sketches, I thought.

But then I was weaving in these con there there were connections between sketches, but it wasn't really so each sketch was showing up in the book for each chapter, but I was weaving in these these connections. And the sketches were starting to connect, but that's not how they flowed in the book. So the journal has the sketches that are organized how I see the sketches connecting with their aspects and their points so that you can see the different pieces in them. And then I tie it back to the chapters with the philosophical and spiritual questions. So to me, the journal compliments, but it gives it gives some, um

, insider knowledge as to…what inspired me for the sketches. And so I think that that's just another personal aspect that was important to compliment his great book Ghost Flower. I think that's magical because I love that you didn't hesitate. I love that you didn't try to talk yourself out of it because I feel like some people would say, well, why would I put myself in it that way, or why would I do that? So one, I think that speaks a lot to your connection that the two of you had Mhmm.

But also to your self esteem and knowing that, like, you could bring value to it in your own way…

Yes. And…that is because Bill and I are partners. That is because we are partners, and everything that we did in our our life together, we were partners. And so this project is another example of our collaboration and partnership, and and so that's all the more reason why I love it…

And I know and he encouraged me in, you know, starting my own business uh, and and any anything that I wanted to take on…as a project, he was always encouraging. And so this, he was right here with me every step of the way on this one till we did it together…

Now that you're here, right, looking back on all the steps it took you to get here, do you think that most people can turn grief into growth…

I think you have to be open to it. You know, I think this is true with anything, but I think you, each person, it depends on where they're at. And if you're open to it, um…I think that's that's the first step is to be open to it. If, like, I was describing that spark, that that piece that light that started to penetrate that fog, if you get that, you need to run with it because that's where it starts to open up. And so that was the spark for me.

Now there could be for other people, there could be you know, they could have, I mean, I will tell you that my my mother had…um, her brothers had heart problems. And so in the seventies, she said, I'm gonna start walking. I'm gonna start walking. And she would she walked her entire life, and she passed at a hundred and two. And that was traumatic for me.

So I've had the multiple losses here, but but she found that spark about, you know, the heart association. And so, you know, that was an important thing for her…

and being healthy. so, you know, it just depends on what your personal situation is, but I think that if you're open to it, let that let that spark in and see where it goes…

I think that's great advice and giving yourself permission to lean into it. Even if you're not sure how it's gonna go or what the next step is, just leaning into what lights you up. And so if you could tell yourself something…maybe either when you were younger or when this whole process started, what would be something that you wish you could have, like, time traveled back to tell yourself…

Time traveled early on in my life or Recently? Either. So when Bill passed or even before that, I mean, I feel like you've done so much growth through the grief that you have so much more wisdom now…

I I do, and I really look at things differently. I think that when I was younger, I would get upset about, you know, these small things and, uh, you know, it's completely different now for me about what I get upset about. I think in some aspects, I've always been intuitive, but I think I'm more intuitive now. So I can feel how people are reacting in a room and how they're going off track on things, and that bothers me? Uh, other things that are small day to day things, uh, they're not bothering me anymore.

and it's because I am learning to…preserve my energy for what's important. I am learning that, and it has taken me a long time to get here. A long time. I love that. You're preserving your energy for what's important.

And I think that's just really helpful for anybody at any age is realize that one, life can change so quickly, and two, like, you really are asked to step up and lean in in things sometimes you don't even know that is gonna be on the horizon for you. And so saving that energy for the right things is so powerful. Yes. Yes. It is.

It's taken me a long time to get here, but it can be done. You and me both. You and me both. So as you're thinking about this, what is on the horizon for you? Well, um

, this has been an an incredible journey for me. And, you know, if you had asked me three years ago, would I be doing…this kind of interview with you? I had no idea that this would be happening. if you had asked me, would I be sharing my grief journey and this healing path and this spiritual journey that I'm on? Uh, it's it's really amazing and incredible.

And I've been journaling and I've been writing now, so I I will be doing something else with Merc two Press

and I'm not sure how exactly it's going to all be laid out, but I'm I'm riding on these different vignettes of topics. And I think that…I think that that can help people, and I'm excited about that because I'm doing a lot of soul searching about what that purpose is, what's important, and what I'm learning. And I'm learning a lot about myself right now. Uh, it's amazing, and I'm I'm starting to figure out some things…

I think that's so powerful for all of us to hear that one, you never stop learning, and two, you don't have to worry about the how. I've learned that time and time again through all these episodes that lean into what is calling you and trust that it will unfold as it needs to, and all you need to do is really lean in and be the light for yourself and anyone who crosses your path. Yes. Yes…

So where can people find you and your work? Well, um, we have our website, Merc Two Press, merc I I press dot com. And so there's information there about our books in Merc two Press as well as about Bill and his story and and mine also. And so I would say go to the website and check it out. And then, you know, you can check out our books too, and and, um, there'll be more coming…

I can feel it. I know more is coming, and I know that you'll be a voice for many people on the journey. There are so many people that have lost people along the way and are trying to find their north star. And I hope that this gets to the right people because I feel like for many of us, grief can be a very lonely place. And so if people are listening to this, pass it along, send it to an aunt, a friend, a neighbor.

I feel like hearing other people find the light on their path can be so energizing for those who don't feel like they know where the light is. Yes. Well, it's…

it's possible. And and, you know, we have a chance to grab it, to take it. And I feel that, and I feel that this path for me is really to help people. So I really thank you for this opportunity to speak about this incredible story. Well, you are very inspiring.

I love the fact that you picked up his work, Bill, and you're making it public for everybody, but you're including your gifts along the way, and you're opening up your intuition, and that you're excited about what is possible, that you're leaping from the seeds that he's created for you. Yes. Oh, thank thank you so much. Thank you. And thank you everyone who's listening.

We always enjoy these conversations. We're so honored that you would spend the time to listen to these wonderful awakening stories, and we hope that you'll check out the links below, pick up the book, or even visit, uh, in Orlando. So thank you so much.