177. Breaking Toxic Relationships by Working With Your Inner Child with Karen Bashford

Have you ever found yourself repeating the same painful relationship patterns, abandoning your own needs, or wondering why certain emotional triggers keep showing up in your life?

If so, this conversation may help you better understand the deeper emotional patterns shaping your relationships, self-worth, boundaries, and daily energy. Many women spend years overgiving, people-pleasing, suppressing their needs, or staying in relationships and situations that quietly diminish them emotionally. In this episode, we explore how these patterns often begin long before we recognize them and how reconnecting with ourselves can create meaningful shifts in how we show up in the world.

You’ll hear conversations around self-abandonment, emotional exhaustion, nervous system overload, childhood conditioning, worthiness, boundaries, and the powerful realization that many women have spent years prioritizing everyone else while slowly disconnecting from themselves. This discussion also offers insight into why certain relationship dynamics repeat, how internal beliefs influence our choices, and why learning to pause, listen inward, and honor your own needs can become transformational over time.

In this heartfelt episode of Together We Seek, JJ DiGeronimo sits down with Karen Bashford to explore the deep internal and emotional patterns many women carry through relationships, family dynamics, childhood experiences, and self-worth struggles. Karen vulnerably shares her own journey through toxic relationships, emotional trauma, nervous system exhaustion, and a life-changing breakdown that ultimately opened the door to deeper self-awareness and healing.

Together, JJ and Karen discuss how women often lose themselves while trying to care for everyone else, why so many of us struggle to say no, and how reconnecting with our inner child can help us better understand the stories, fears, and protective patterns shaping our lives.

In this conversation, you’ll learn:
• How toxic relationship patterns can quietly shape your self-worth
• Why many women abandon themselves without realizing it
• The connection between childhood experiences and adult relationships
• How your nervous system responds to prolonged emotional stress
• Why saying “no” can become a powerful turning point
• How inner child work can uncover deeper emotional truths
• Why healing is often a lifelong journey, not a quick fix
• How changing your energy can shift the way others respond to you

Karen also shares how she guides women through deeper self-discovery work by helping them reconnect with the younger parts of themselves that still hold emotional wounds, fears, and unmet needs.

If you’ve ever questioned your worth, felt emotionally drained in relationships, or sensed there’s a deeper story underneath your patterns, this episode offers compassionate insight, reflection, and encouragement for your journey.

LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karen-bashford-empower-you/ 

Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/32gWxTdAW6kqSnX3yBiVjX 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/karenbashford4243/ 

YT: https://www.youtube.com/@Karenbash 

@Karenbash

Bio:

Karen Bashford is a mentor, soul therapist, speaker, and author devoted to empowering women to step into leadership in their own lives. With over 18 years of experience in women’s wellness and personal development, she supports women who are ready to break free from self-sabotage, challenge ingrained patterns, and create meaningful, lasting change.

Her work is shaped by her own life journey. After experiencing physical and emotional abuse, a breakdown that forced her to stop, and serious health challenges, including autoimmune disease and cancer, Karen chose to turn inward rather than continue repeating cycles that no longer served her. This period of deep reflection and self-understanding became the foundation of her approach and the work she now shares with others.

Karen specializes in working with women who feel stuck despite having tried multiple approaches. She helps them uncover the root of their behaviors, thoughts, and patterns, guiding them to build awareness, clarity, and self-trust. Her focus is not on fixing but on understanding what sits beneath the surface so women can make aligned decisions and lead their lives with confidence.

She is the creator of the Sloth or Beaver® Coaching products, a self-development tool designed to help individuals explore their life patterns, behaviors, and choices in a structured yet intuitive way. Through this, alongside her workshops and one-to-one mentoring, Karen creates spaces for reflection, responsibility, and growth.

Karen is also the host of the Empowered Women Life Leaders Podcast, where she explores thought-provoking, often overlooked topics in personal development. Through her writing, speaking, and media presence, she shares her message widely, encouraging women to recognize their inner power and challenge their perceived limitations.

At the heart of her work is a simple belief: we always have a choice. By becoming curious, understanding our patterns, and choosing differently, we can create a life that feels aligned, purposeful, and self-led.

Her mission is to empower millions of women to move beyond survival, challenge societal and internal barriers, and build lives rooted in self-respect, clarity, and genuine connection.

JJ DiGeronimo is an award-winning author, speaker, and podcast host dedicated to helping women trust their inner wisdom, illuminate their gifts, and align with meaningful work. As the host of the Together We Seek Podcast, JJ creates sacred spaces to explore light, energy practices, and ancient wisdom with healers, mystics, and spiritual teachers. Through authentic conversations, she encourages listeners to embrace their unique gifts, deepen their self-trust, and remember the wisdom they already carry.

JJ is the author of four books, including her latest release, Illuminate Your Path: 6 Phases of Spiritual Awakening. Find Your Phase at: https://quiz.jjdigeronimo.com/

Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/JJ-DiGeronimo/author/B01INZ5GA2 

Website:  https://jjdigeronimo.com         
Together We Seek Community: https://www.togetherweseek.online/                                                               

Transcript

Hello. It's JJ DiGeronimo. And today, we are talking about internal patterns. These are patterns that may be encouraging you to move forward and may be holding you back from what you want to lean into. And I have a really special guest with me today.
I have Karen Bashford. Hi, Karen. How are you? I'm good. Thank you, and thank you for having me here.
Appreciate it. Oh, I love it. And I love the work that you're doing. Much of the work that you're doing is helping women push through their internal barriers, which I see all too often. But before we get into that, I'd love to know, really, how did you get into this work…
Okay, um, there's a long story beforehand where I experienced abusive relationships. I had trauma in my childhood from my own family…and basically my whole life has been nothing but me abandoning myself…and I only discovered that when I had a nervous breakdown in twenty twenty three. And I've always been working with women and coaching them and mentoring them and such like, but it was almost as if the breakdown opened doors for me. And I I say I was truly blessed to have that breakdown, and I mean that sincerely because it gave me so many insights into what we do to ourselves without knowing it. And the lesson that I learned most was so many women so desperately want to improve their lives, but actually struggle simply because they don't know the patterns that keep repeating…that don't necessarily come from their own childhood, but come can come from ancestral or even family.
So there's a lot going on that I wasn't aware of and that my breakdown created my awareness too, And with that, I now want to be able to educate women but also help them to empower themselves through their own understanding of what they're doing to themselves…
That is that is amazing. To me, what really jumped out to me is that in twenty twenty three, you were ready to do the next level of personal awakening, but also share…more in-depth gifts with women. Definitely. Yeah. I was definitely ready for the breakdown.
That's for sure. So when you you know, you've been working with women for most of your career, it looks like, you know, as basically some of the work that you've been doing to kind of peel back the onion. Yet you're going home to relationships where you're struggling to find your voice potentially or even really break away from patterns that are making you feel smaller. Like, how how did that how how did you work through that…
I didn't really. It was the case of accepting. And, unfortunately, so many of us women just accept what is being given to us, basically, because we don't know any better. Or if we do know better, we're not willing to take the risk to change something because quite often, like for me, I had no idea how I was going to manage financially if I walked away from my partner who basically had made my life hell to the point where I wasn't confident enough to say no more…
So I think for a lot of women…it's that you have to reach that point where you go I can't accept this anymore, and that's what happened to me…in moving away from the relationships that were harming me, but my breakdown, as I said, opened where my family was concerned, a door that had been shut and locked for most of my life…
And opening that door felt as though somebody had finally said to me Karen you have your freedom to say no and that made all the difference…
No is such a powerful word in so many ways. I had a woman's event yesterday, and I have a power of no chart. And they were like, do you really just say no? And I say, you know, I don't I I generally give people other options or different people or things or different timelines, but it is powerful to know what you do and don't wanna do. And I feel like for a lot of women that stay in relationships…you know, it's not just about them.
It's about their children. It's about the family structure. It's about what you said financially. And I think it's really hard to leave at times because there are so many pieces and parts that have to shift around. And…
sometimes in relationships, people make you feel like you're the crazy one. Yeah. And that was happened big time for me is that I was the one always at fault. It was never his problem. It was always my problem.
And I'm also very conscious of the fact that for me, it was almost as if…
I I knew if I left, I was gonna lose my home…
because I was the one earning the money to pay for the house that we owned. And, unfortunately, if I walked away, I knew I was gonna lose that because he would claim half of it…
And how do you feel now about it? Looking back now, knowing what you know, what insights, I think, do you wish you knew then that you gathered along the path…
Don't be frightened to just say, okay. So if you take it, that's fine, because I am strong enough to rebuild, and that's what I've done. I was strong enough to rebuild. But I think the problem as well was the fact that…
he made my life so…
problematic going through a divorce…
because he didn't believe anything I said…
So we spent probably six thousand pounds on solicitor's fees…
that we didn't need to because he just did not believe what I said…
What a test on so many levels. What a test. But I feel like now, I mean, just knowing you before this and working with you, you're so grounded. You are so settled in your own skin, and I believe that brings so much to the people, especially the women that work with you…
I'm grateful that I am now grounded. If you'd known me before, you would not have believed I was the same person. I was so unbelievably stressed. I was hyper, basically. I could not sit still.
I could not relax. I just didn't know what to do to keep myself grounded even to the point where I could go to sleep and sleep. But now it's like, okay. Whatever happens is fine. I'm not fussed about that.
I don't force situations. I trust that I will be guided to receive whatever I need to receive in a way that's most appropriate for me now. And even with the work I do, I know that the women that come to me are ready to work with me. I don't ever have to go looking for them. They will come to me…
That is so beautiful. And I think it's so important. You know, you you reference your energy before and after because I really do believe that your nervous system holds the score. And being in a personal relationship that keeps you upside down, uh, in many ways can be so damaging to your body, to your mind, to your soul. And so to me, it seems like you got to a point in your own life that you were ready.
You were ready to break away, and losing the house, obviously, was probably very disappointing. But in the grand scheme of things, it almost shut the door on that part of your life. Yes. And it did. Everything that's happened to me from the illnesses that I've experienced, from the relationships that were abusive, to the financial challenges that I had, they were all lessons along my life journey to that point where I reached that nervous breakdown simply because my body had gone well you've done everything now, can we just stop this?
And can we actually start living instead of just keeping the old patterns, the old behaviors, the old thoughts, the old problems going. Can we just stop? And that's what my body forced me to do. It forced me to stop. And the change…
in giving myself the opportunity to not keep going…because I literally just stopped. I spent three months crying…
I just cried and cried and cried. And then I spent probably another three months adjusting…to this new me and getting to know this new me. And then all of a sudden it's right. We're ready now. Can we now start doing something about this?
Can we start understanding where you're going with this, what this is, why this happened? There were so many questions that come up…
that it was like, okay. I've got to give this time, and I'm very, very grateful that I was able to give it time. I probably spent nearly a year recovering. Although I say after the crying, I recovered, but the lessons and the experiences that I then started to understand and go through to realize, well, I did this because this happened, which then tied into this. I gave myself that time, and it made such a big difference…
That's so beautiful, and I just think so important for people to hear that it takes time to release the energy that you've been holding for so long. It's interesting right now because the astrology for me I follow astrology. It has me right now thinking, like, who is actually worthy of my time? Like, instead of me thinking, do I wanna spend time here, or is this good or whatever, it's like, where do I wanna share myself? And I feel like so many of us, um, don't think of our time and our energy as something to earn or gain or connect with.
But I love the idea of worthiness in a lot of ways because you have to cherish yourself to feel as though you are worthy enough to make that decision. So I've had to go through, like, a lot of internal pattern work, and I'm still working through it. So can you talk a little bit about…internal patterns, how that impacts you, and how it impacts some of the women that you work with? Okay. Well, as I said earlier, internal patterns can be inherited…
They can be simply passed down and you absorb them through your family's behaviour and habits, but also you obviously create your own patterns because of what happens in childhood. For me the biggest lesson I learned from realizing that…patterns are something that we create to protect ourselves…
is a realization that if you want to change, you then have to ask what am I protecting…
And for me…
that change enabled so much to…open up, and I found that with so many of the women I work with. They are protecting a story that they don't necessarily understand. And it's only in being willing to explore what that story really means. I'll give you an example of a lady who worked with me whose family history of she was basically handed over to a grandparent, and then from the grandparents she went into…boarding school. So she'd never really known her parents…and she did not understand why her parents would have handed her over…to the grandparent.
Even though she had been told it was because they were working and things like that, she hadn't actually understood it at the level that mattered to her which was in her body. So…
every time something happened, she'd automatically come back to this, well, my parents don't think I'm good enough to be with them, so why would anyone else? So her whole life…up until she started working with me, really working with me, she was constantly questioning whether she was worthy, she deserved, whether she was good enough. And even if she got something that she wanted she would then deliberately sabotage it without even knowing she was sabotaging it…
And they're the kind of things we do without even realizing we're doing it. Yes. And so do you get to these patterns through conversation? Like, how do you how do you get to the the crux of what the pattern is if people don't even realize what their patterns are? I usually start with a thirty minute conversation with my clients because I will not take anyone on board if I don't feel they're ready for the kind of work I will do.
And I don't hypnotize, although I'm qualified hypnotherapist. I tend to just have them connect back to their own heart, and in their heart is this beautiful little child, the younger you, but it's not the younger you because it's your soul…
For me, your soul will reside in your heart because you cannot live without your heart…
So as far as I'm concerned, you connect back to your little child in your heart. And if you ask that little child the questions, what do I need to know? That child will tell you everything you need to know. So I won't necessarily know what they need to know, but in asking the child…and having had that conversation, I have a rough idea as to where we need to perhaps start the conversation…
And the conversation is them speaking to the little child…
and then getting guidance from the little child and working on that guidance. So, basically, they are literally working on themselves with very little input from me…
Yes. But creating the space, knowing what questions to ask, guiding them through that…is so powerful in so many ways. And I feel like just while you were saying it, I dropped down into my heart, and I asked my inner child what what my inner child wanted. Yeah. And it said I wanna be loved.
And that's all most of us ever want is to be loved. But you won't love yourself until you know why you're doing certain things because there will always be occasions when you will automatically say, can't do that. Not possible…
Because that's what you believe about yourself. How are you ever going to truly love yourself if you don't understand why you're doing things to yourself…
until you actually ask those questions? And the easiest questions are, what does my little child want? Or…why am I repeating this? Because you will see patterns that constantly come up in your relationships, in your finances, in your life, in your health. You will see them if you start looking for them…
Beautiful. That's beautiful. And do you believe that once somebody sort of shifts that energy within themselves that their outside shifts…
I've had one client who actually worked with me, and she was in a family that basically they all had their own opinions about her and they would express them quite clearly to her. And we literally only did two sessions…and those sessions were ninety minutes each. The second occasion that she come for the session she said to me my family looks at me as if I'm different…and they're talking to me differently…
And it was if the energy within her had gone, I'm not putting up with this anymore, and it confused her family. And because they were confused, they were actually speaking to her better. They weren't spending all their time criticizing her. And by the end of the second session, when I spoke to her after that, she said, they're talking to me like normal human beings as if I matter. And that was such a beautiful thing to hear because she'd spent so long thinking she didn't matter to them…
That's beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. So she never said anything different. She just showed up differently energetically. Yeah…
This work is so powerful, and I feel like so many women have been programmed at so many levels here in this lifetime and others. And I think your work is so powerful because it's allowing women to reclaim the story that they…that their soul holds for them. Absolutely. And that's why I love this work so much is because…we all have our own journey. The trouble is we give our energy to other people and forget that we need our energy for ourselves…
So do you have any advice for somebody just listening to this, something they can do a little bit differently because they heard this…
My advice would be to stop worrying about other people and start worrying about yourself…
Yes. Prioritizing yourself, thinking about what you care about, understanding what's worth your time. Yeah. And you are number one. You should only ever be number one.
Even with children, I appreciate, obviously, you have to give your time and energy to your children. But who's gonna look after you…if you don't look after yourself…
Yes. And our children are watching us too. And do we really wanna teach our children to just give more than we have to give energetically…
Yes…
So, Karen, tell us a little bit about how people could reach out to you. All your links are below, but where do you mostly spend your time? And if they're interested in working with you, what do they do? Right. Um, I'm mostly on LinkedIn.
I do the other platforms, but mostly LinkedIn. I share every day on LinkedIn. Um, you can contact me through my website of karen bashford dot com, and there's actually a form that you can book appointment to speak with me. And I'm more than happy to just have a thirty minute conversation just to ascertain whether I'm suitable for a start off. And if I can't help, I will usually recommend somebody else…
I think this is beautiful, Karen, and I really appreciate you sharing your story because I feel like so many of us can see us in your decisions. And I feel like it just…empowers everybody knowing that you have chosen to lean into your truest self, and now you're helping others to do the same. Thank you. Appreciate that. It's really beautiful.
Karen, I'm so lucky you're in this network of lightworkers, healers, and mystics, and I'm just really grateful to include you in the Together We Seek podcast. So thank you so much, and all your links are below. For those of you listening, I hope you reach out to Karen, connect with her on LinkedIn, and find your way to your inner self. I think so many of our messages are within. It's just creating the space and the connections and working with people that can help you uncover your truest gifts.
So with that, yes. Thank you, Karen, and thank you everyone for listening. And with that, we'll see you again here next time. Thank you so much. Bye