Be a Hero to Your Loved One or Spouse

One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse or loved one is your presence. In a world full of noise, distractions, and never-ending to-do lists, being truly there is a quiet act of love that speaks volumes. Join me as we laugh, learn, and explore simple ways to reconnect with the one who shares your home and heart.

NEW! - Companion Resource:
This month’s episode pairs with February’s eWorkbook, The Hero at Home, filled with worksheets, tips, and simple tools to help you live out small deeds with purpose.

Transcript

Episode 202 - Being Present for Your Spouse or Loved One

Welcome back to the porch! Grab a cup of something warm and delicious, pull up a rocker, and settle in for a nice visit.

For those of you who are just joining us on the porch, I’m Julie, and this podcast is just one piece of what I do. I’m also a blogger and a writer of both the non-fiction Simple Life series, as well as fiction – mostly in the southern suspense genre. If you want to learn more about that, just check out the show notes for links to my websites and my books. 

This year we are working on how to Be Someone’s Hero — A Year of Small Deeds, Quiet Strength, and Meaningful Impact through the lens of a Simple Life. Each month we’ll talk about how you can be someone’s hero in different areas of your simple life. And if you want to dig even deeper into the topics and apply what you’re learning, each month I’m offering a downloadable Workbook that follows along with the monthly conversations. In it you will find over 20 pages of thoughtful explanations, Tips, Checklists, Worksheets, a recipe, a simple DIY project and more. To get your copy, simply click the link in the show notes. It will take you straight to my shop.

 Now that we have the business end taken care of, let’s dig in to today’s episode.

Have you ever had one of those days when you look up from your phone, or your to-do list, or that third load of laundry, and realize you haven’t actually looked at your spouse all day? I mean, really looked at them. Not the “Did you take the trash out?” look or the “You forgot to thaw the chicken again, didn’t you?” look — but the soft, “Hey there, partner in crime, glad we’re doing this life thing together” look.

It’s funny how life sneaks up on us. We start out all starry-eyed, promising to always put each other first. Then before you know it, we’re side by side in the same house, passing each other like ships in the night — one folding laundry, the other trying to remember where they left the keys. And somewhere in between all the errands, the chores, and the responsibilities, that whole being present thing slips right out the window.

Now, I’ll be honest - being present isn’t always easy. Especially when you live a busy life, or rather, a full life, as I like to call it. There’s always something demanding your attention: dinner to cook, bills to pay, kids to wrangle, dogs to feed, and the occasional emergency where the cows bust through the fence - again. But here’s the secret — presence doesn’t mean you have to drop everything, light a candle, and gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes while soft music plays. It’s not about dramatic gestures. It’s about connection in the middle of the ordinary.

Presence, in its truest form, is about attention. It’s saying, “I see you. I hear you. You matter.” And that — right there — is where love shows up.

Think about the moments that really mean something in your relationship. Chances are, they’re not the big, fancy events. They’re the small, almost invisible ones — sitting together drinking coffee before the day starts, laughing about something only the two of you find funny, or lending a listening ear when they’re having a rough day. That’s presence.

But we all know that something always seems to get in the way of our good intentions. If we’re being honest here, we all have our roadblocks. Maybe it’s distraction — can you say hello to smartphones and endless notifications? Or, maybe it’s stress — that little cloud that hovers and follows us from room to room. Maybe it’s just exhaustion — when you’ve given all your energy to everything else, and there’s not much left to give when you finally sit down next to the person you love most.

So, how do we fix it? How do we become more there for the ones closest to us? Well, let’s start with something simple — noticing.

When you walk into the room, look up. Make eye contact. Smile. It’s amazing how something that small can shift the energy in your home. You’re not just coexisting — you’re connecting. And that tiny pause, that few seconds of acknowledgment, says, “You’re important enough for me to stop what I’m doing and look at you.”

Next, let’s talk about listening. I mean really listening. Not the “uh-huh” while scrolling your phone kind of listening. I’m talking about the “set your fork down, turn your body toward them, and actually care” kind of listening. You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to offer advice. Just be there. Sometimes, your loved one doesn’t need a solution — they just need a soft place to land.

I remember once, I was venting about something — you know, one of those days when everything seems to go sideways — and the Country Boy jumped right into fix-it mode. Bless his sweet heart, he meant well, but halfway through, I had to say, “Thank you for trying, but I don’t need a rescue mission. I just need someone to nod and say, ‘That stinks. Want me to go buy you some more yarn?’” (Because, well, you know – he really understands MY love language. After all, doesn’t more yarn fix everything???) We laughed about it later, but it was a great reminder — presence isn’t about solving everything; it’s about standing beside them in it.

Now, presence also looks like patience. Because let’s face it, some days, our loved ones test that fruit of the Spirit thing just a little extra. Maybe they left the lights on again. Maybe they’re telling that story you’ve already heard 47 times. Or maybe they just move a little slower than you want them to. But when we choose patience — when we slow down long enough to meet them where they are — we’re saying, “You’re worth my time.”

And you know what else presence looks like? You may be a bit surprised, but it looks like Play. Don’t forget to have fun together. Life’s serious enough. Laughter is one of the most underrated forms of love there is. Tease each other a little. Start a silly tradition. Share a private joke. Dance in the kitchen even if your two-step looks more like a one-wobble. Those moments become glue - the kind that holds you together when life gets tough.

Another thing — be available. That doesn’t mean you’re joined at the hip 24/7. It means when they reach out, you respond. When they’re hurting, you’re there. When they succeed, you celebrate. And when they just need a quiet evening sitting side by side doing absolutely nothing — you’re there too.

I think one of the most beautiful acts of love is shared silence. The kind where you don’t have to fill it with words. You can just be. Sit together with a cup of coffee, watch the sunset, or listen to the crickets. Sometimes, the loudest way to say “I love you” is simply to show up.

And speaking of showing up — presence also means knowing them. Not just their favorite meal or how they take their coffee, but what makes them light up. What makes them feel loved. Do they need words? A hug? A small act of service? For the Country Boy, that usually means a listening ear, quietly joining him in what he calls a ‘therapy’ session – which means going down to the pond to fish, or hanging out by the fire pit in the evenings. When you know their love language, you can be present in ways that speak straight to their heart.

It’s easy to think grand gestures make the biggest difference, but often, it’s the consistency that builds security. The way you remember to kiss them goodbye. The way you check in during the day. The way you sit close enough to reach over and squeeze their hand. Those are the quiet threads that weave a strong marriage or partnership.

Now, I know some folks listening might be thinking, “But I’ve been doing all the giving — what about me?” That’s fair. Presence is a two-way street, but someone has to start the walk. And when you lead with love — not out of obligation, but out of genuine care — you create space for your spouse or loved one to join you. It can be contagious.

And let’s not forget about grace. Because some days – and probably more often than we want to admit - we’ll get it wrong. We’ll be distracted, short-tempered, or distant. But love — and presence — means we simply try again tomorrow.

If you want a little challenge this week, here’s one: once a day, give your spouse or loved one your full attention for five minutes. No phones, no multitasking. Just eye contact, conversation, or even a hug. You’ll be amazed what that small act does for your connection.

At the end of the day, being present isn’t about perfection. It’s about choosing your people, over and over again, in small and meaningful ways. It’s about letting love interrupt your routine. And it’s about remembering that the person sitting across from you — the one who shares your home, your life, and your heart — is the one you vowed to walk beside. They deserve your presence more than anyone.

So, slow down. Look up. Love them right where they are — in the ordinary moments, in the laughter, in the silence, in the mess. Because in those moments, you’re building something far more lasting than anything you could buy or plan — you’re building connection. And that’s one of the great ways be a hero at home.