A Psychic's Wild and Inspiring Journey to Nirvana

New season special launch episode. Stream the popular new documentary on the wild and crazy life of 3x best-selling author Cynthia L Elliott, aka the Shaman Isis! Film available on ShamanIsis.com

What if the hardest parts of your story were the doorway to your calling? Our host, Shaman Isis, takes us through her wild life shaped by early psychic memories, narrow escapes, and a relentless search for normalcy that kept colliding with something bigger, visions that arrived like alarms, and a mission that refused to be silenced. From a Memphis orphanage and rooftop escapes to the power corridors of New York fashion and PR, the outward climb masked a growing fracture within: the fallout from 9-11 premonitions, the shame of aliases, and moral injury inside an industry that rewarded polish over conscience.

The turning point arrives in layers. A controlling foster father exposed as a predator, a sister lost to the streets, and a career that crumbles under misogyny and exploitation. Years of running end in a pandemic-era reckoning.

Shaman breaks open her “Memory Mansion,” speaks the unspeakable, and reclaims the gifts she once shut down, intuition, presence, and a fierce devotion to truth. 

Spiritual guru, two-time #1 best-selling author, and higher consciousness advocate Shaman Isis (aka Cynthia L. Elliott) is on a mission to turn the tide of the mental and spiritual health crisis with mindfulness practices, incredible events, powerful content, and motivational storytelling that inspire your heroes journey! Learn more about her books, courses, speaking engagements, book signings, and appearances at ShamanIsis.com.

Ready for a life transformation? Ready to bring your dreams to life? Then you will want Glowup With Shaman Isis: The Collection of inspiring books and courses filled with life lessons and practices that raise your vibration and consciousness. 

Ready for a life transformation? Ready to bring your dreams to life? Then you will want Glowup With Shaman Isis: The Collection of inspiring books and courses filled with life lessons and practices that raise your vibration and consciousness. 

Chapters

• 2:11 A Last Life Is Chosen
• 4:19 First Visions And Family Collapse
• 7:02 Orphanage Lessons And Light
• 10:36 Danger, Rooftops, And Escapes
• 13:58 Telepathy And Protecting The Children
• 17:54 Reunited Family, Growing Gifts
• 20:31 The Dream That Came True
• 22:51 The Shaman Next Door
• 25:14 Chaos At Thirteen And A Warning
• 28:12 Juvenile Jail And A Pivot
• 30:12 Foster Life Turns Predatory
• 33:18 Reinvention And New York Rise
• 37:10 9‑11 Premonition And Silence
• 41:21 Success, Numbing, And Drift
• 44:13 Fashion, Abuse, And Collapse
• 48:39 Sister, Trafficking, And Grief
• 51:50 Running To Florida And Numbness
• 53:37 A Call Back To Purpose
• 56:15 Memory Mansion Unlocks
• 59:32 Rising Vibration And Renewal
• 1:03:00 Purpose, Teaching, And Community

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 1:15

I had been in a very dark place for a very long time. My spirit guides had been trying to get my attention for years. They were now urgently begging me to wake up. It was 2019, and they told me that the world was about to go through a global shock, a trauma, and that I needed to help the collective. But first, I had to finally help myself. Let me take you back to the very beginning when I decided that this would be my last reincarnation. I was in the ethers, the in-between. Somewhere among the stars. We were planning my next incarnation. I wanted it to be my last rebirth. My guides asked me several times if I was sure. You see, I had many lessons to learn. Lessons as old as the time of the Egyptians. Apparently, I'm a stubborn spirit. They reminded me again that I was choosing a very difficult experience. That I was trying to learn many lessons in this lifetime. Some of them were painful. Apparently, I wasn't just stubborn, but a bit of a rebel. So of course, I said yes. Boy, was I in for a ride. I remembered that conversation with my spirit guides before I was born. In this body, in this life. I remembered it in my crib. I've remembered it my whole life. I was born in Germany in 1969, uh, to a small military family, very common back then. My father was kind of a mess. He was an alcoholic, and my mother was a woman of her times, undereducated and overwhelmed, and had very little family support. Uh and it would be in Germany, uh, as a toddler, I wasn't even quite two, that I would have my first psychic experience in this lifetime. I was not not even two, and I was in my crib, and I remember this very well and very vividly. I was dreaming, and I could see my mother in what was the bathroom, and there was blood everywhere, and I knew in my dream that she was in severe danger. It was a very serious situation, and I came awake immediately with my adult eyes and a child's body, which I think is so true for so many of us who who remember before uh coming back. And uh I remember climbing out of the crib, you know, I was still quite wobbly at that age, and dropping down to the floor and making my way through the house. I still feel the wall uh because I was holding myself up so I could keep going, and uh the wall leading to the bathroom, and of course I got to the bathroom door, and I knew what I would see before I opened it, and I'm I'm kind of glad I did because it was kind of a horror show for a child. But um, there was blood everywhere, and she was in a very serious state, and it was my cries that actually brought help. Anyway, not long after that experience, my father would get into an accident on the Audubon and break almost every bone in his body, and you know, the medication back then for an addict, it was just a recipe for disaster, and not long after that, we were back in the States, and he, you know, tutored off to uh exercise his demons. And my mother was left with three daughters and no education, no family support, and we were homeless. We were living in the car. And I remember my mother's fear and her sorrow very well. She made a decision that I actually really appreciate because I believe it saved us in many ways. She decided to put us in St. Peter's Home for Children, which was a Catholic orphanage in Memphis, right down the street from Graceland. It was this big, huge, rambling orphanage run by Catholic nuns, and what an extraordinary experience. Anyway, that is where I spent my formative years. I remember the nuns at St. Peter's very well. They were they fell into three categories. There was like the mean, angry nun who liked to beat kids. And I got my backside caped quite a bit. Uh, what can I say? I was I was a rebel. Uh, and there were you know, nuns who just seemed like they didn't really want to be there at all. And then there were incredible people like Sister Anne Elizabeth, who was my first experience with a light worker in this lifetime. She was extraordinary. She took care of the sickest babies that had very little time on earth, and she would love them and care for them and give them this extraordinary energy. I remember once watching her with one of the babies who didn't have long to live, and I remember seeing that her hands and her head glowed, and her ability to be present for these children was an incredibly powerful lesson for me. Especially juxtaposed with the, you know, uh uh nuns who were not so nice. Anyway, uh I uh I had an incredible uh experience living at St. Peter's. You know, I I there was the rigidity of the way that the nuns liked to run the place because they love to do a lot of praying, cooking, and cleaning. And then there was the freedom that I would have when they would be doing those things. I would sneak out of St. Peter's and I would run all over Memphis. I had a huge thing for rooftops. I remember learning how to do parkour with some of the other kids. And um actually parkour saved my uh backside at one point. You know, back in the early 70s, and I think this is hard for people to imagine now, if you lived in a really bad neighborhood, and at the time Memphis was the murder capital of the United States, uh, a lot of crime, a lot of danger. The number of times that I had to escape kidnapping attempts from bad men, it would shock children today. It was a regular occurrence. And at one point I had really caught the eye of a particular group of men, and I remember uh them chasing me uh into a building, and uh it was the parkour that I had learned to do with the other kids. Now, it wasn't called that back then, but it has since been labeled parkour. Um, it was basically turning a building into a jungle gym, but uh I used that the my parkour skills to escape them, and thank goodness I did because they uh it was very obvious to me even as a kid that they were planning on doing something really horrible to me. Uh I had um beautiful experiences with some of the more colorful characters in Memphis, you know, running around uh a city like that. I got to know some of the prostitutes and the street musicians, and uh that was an extraordinary experience. Uh I would have uh an encounter with the mayor of Memphis at a very young age. You know, the uh St. Peter's needed to raise money a lot, so they would use me as a model in their model, the orphan model. Uh they would use me as a model, you know, I was free, and I was there uh in their shoots and campaigns, and one of those involved Elvis. And I remember very distinctly being brought to the front gates at the time they had these kind of dramatic gates in front of uh St. Peter's. And uh uh, I could feel from everybody that was there that this was a big moment and this was this man was a big deal, but I didn't really understand who he was at that age. Uh of course, not long after that, I would figure out who he was. But um it was a it was an extreme experience. I was in one building, my sister was in another, and my youngest sister couldn't stay at St. Peter's for long because she was too young. So she lived with my mother. Um, and uh I think the most powerful experience that I had at St. Peter's would be um a psychic experience that I had. Again, something that happened in my sleep, and I I have always understood that it was um a psychic experience that my spirit guides were helping me with. You know, orphanages and places like that that can be attractive to people with bad intentions. And I remember going to sleep one night in my room, and I was awoken by a dream of very bad men coming to St. Peter's, and I remember seeing them enter the building in my dream, and I came awake and I knew that I needed to hide. And I wanted to save other kids too, because I didn't want any, you know, I wanted to save as many of the kids as I could. And so me and some of the other children communicated with our eyes, with our energy telepathically, and we hid. I'm getting chills all over my body, and we hid, and I thank goodness we did because what those men were coming there to do was as bad as you can possibly imagine. And it wouldn't be the only time they would come there. I remember not long after that, um, I came awake again, having that same experience where I saw them entering the building, and I came awake and I was I was terrified. I really was, even though I had the the eyes and energy of an adult that was tiny. And again, uh the kids and I organized. There were two kids in particular that I remember being very helpful uh in you know our efforts to get as many kids hidden as possible. And we were the ones that really communicated uh the most with uh our telepathy. Anyway, we hid in these bathrooms, they had these high tubs in the bathrooms at St. Peter's. The nuns wanted to be able to stand and bathe the kids, and so they were these really giant tubs, and I remember laying in the bottom of that tub and hiding there and trying really hard not to think about what was happening to some of the other children. Anyway, uh, you know, I kept reminding myself uh that I had chosen to be here, that there were lessons to learn, that uh that I could do what I could to help, um, you know, but that I had I had decided that I would come here and learn as much as I could. And so I used those years uh in the orphanage um to try to ask questions, to develop myself, to learn uh as much as I could. Uh and it would come in very handy later on. You know, a lot of the questions I asked, a lot of the spiritual experiences I had, they were very fundamental in giving me the tools to survive later on. By the late 70s, my mother finally was able to get us back. She proved to the state that you know she had a job and a big enough apartment and had a you know a good future ahead of her. And so finally, uh the whole family was back together. Um, we hadn't been together since we were living in the car when I was really young. And now uh all of us were living in a small apartment in Memphis, Tennessee. My mother was working all the time, and I remember being very aware that we were trying to figure out how to live as a family. Um, but it was awkward. You know, my mother was overwhelmed, my older sister was really angry, and my younger sister was very resentful because she went from being, you know, the baby between her and just my mom, and now all of a sudden she had two siblings to compete with. So it was kind of an awkward time. We tried to make the best of it, but there was a lot of turbulence under the surface. Uh, I was very perplexed by my older sister. When we were living in St. Peter's in separate buildings, at one point I had snuck to see her, thinking that she would be really happy to see me, and she wasn't at all. Uh, as a matter of fact, I remember being really struck by how happy she was that I had gotten uh in trouble for sneaking out to see her, and it was the her joy at me getting in trouble that really disturbed me, and that did not change when we finally moved into the same household together. She still had that anger, and it made me very afraid of her. I wanted to understand where it came from. I couldn't understand how two kids could be born into the same family and be so different. Uh, anyway, we tried to make the best of it. You know, it was the late 70s, early 80s, MTV was dawning on the scene, and it was about to change things up dramatically. Uh, music, which had always been an important part of my life, took on a newfound importance, and I was really exploring with my spirit guides. I was still speaking to them regularly. They were really helping to guide me towards books and people that would be influential in my life. They were with me when I was meditating, which was something I had understood how to do from the very time I was old enough to sit in uh easy pose and meditate. Uh, and so I was really starting to grow and bloom. I I the rebellious spirit was raising its ugly head. Right about this time, I would have my next like major psychic experience. I had a dream. It was a really strange dream, that I was in a very odd kind of hallway, and there were two young girls there that I didn't know, and I was jumping rope in this bizarre hallway in an outfit that I would not normally wear. Uh, and I was in roller skates. It was such a distinct dream, and I remember going up onto the roof where I spent a lot of time. Uh, rooftops have always been a big deal for me. I've escaped to them at St. Peter's. I would go onto the rooftops of downtown Memphis, and living with my mom, I would go to the top of the roof on the third floor, and I kind of had my own little like hovel, if you will, up there, blanket, uh pillow. I kept my diary up there. I would bring water up there and read and talk to my spirit guides and stare at the sky and have existential conversations with my spirit guides and uh think about life. Anyway, I went up on the roof and I wrote about the dream that I had. And I've stuffed the li the the diary back in uh the little box, the metal box that I had kept it in that was on the roof, and a few weeks went by, and it was my birthday, and I remember uh getting roller skates for my birthday, which I was really excited about, and they came with a box of uh donations that the church had gotten, which was kind of common. The church was constantly dropping off donations for the poor Elliots. Uh anyway, um I remember pulling out the clothes and I came across a really cute kind of outfit. It was very frilly, not something I would normally wear. And I put it on, I put on my new roller skates, and I went outside and skated the neighborhood, and I came across this young girl that I had never known before, and she asked me if I wanted to come over to her house and play with her and her sister, and I said, Absolutely, let's do it. So I followed her to where she lived, and they lived in an apartment that had what is called a breezeway, where the mailboxes and the apartment doors face each other. Anyway, um, she went in to get her sister, and when they came out, her sister was holding a rope, a jump rope. And I remember already getting this really strange feeling, which would become very common if you're an empath or intuitive, you know what I'm talking about already. I just got this very strange feeling of like, this feels very familiar. And they started tossing the rope, and I jumped in there, and I started jumping rope, wearing that frilly little outfit and those roller skates, and I remember suddenly being just seized with this almost anxiety because it was so powerful and it was so distinctive, and I stopped jumping, and I remember looking down at my outfit, and I had to sit down because I was so shocked. And I remember running home, well, skating home, and going to the roof and opening up my diary and reading about the dream that I'd had and thinking to myself, if I tell people about this, they're gonna think I'm crazy. Um anyway, I spoke to my spirit guides about it, and they told me it was natural, and you know, I was I was in this, I was starting to tussle between that innocent, beautiful spirit that came back to reincarnate and this young little girl that was growing up in uh unusual circumstances with very little role models, and you know, there was this sort of push-pull that was beginning to take place in my life. Anyway, um not long after that, uh a woman moved in next door to us, and I remember her so distinctly. She had these incredibly long braids that went all the way to her waist, and she was very exotic looking. And I understood that this woman was a shaman. And when I got the chance to finally communicate with her, she told me she'd been brought there for me, which was a very fascinating thing to hear at that age, and that she was there to teach me. And I remember her teaching me about herbs, and she was teaching me about uh preparing food and the healthiest possible. The way she was using a dehydrator in Memphis, Tennessee in the early 80s. It was like so unheard of. Eating carob and uh dried bananas, and it was fascinating. And uh she was a powerful present and experience at that point in my life because I was turning 13 and um I was really beginning to struggle with that this this version of me, this young girl who was rebellious and dealing with a lot of strange circumstances, and um this beautiful spirit that came to earth to learn. And so I was doing both. I was trying to remember who I was and what I came here for and learn the lessons that I had to learn. I understood a lot of the challenges that were going on in my life, were there to teach me while simultaneously, you know, being part of the MTV generation and wanting to listen to music and go to rock concerts and uh and be a total rebel. And uh, and and frankly, I leaned towards the rebel. Uh, I remember not long after uh the shaman I dropped acid and asked a million existential questions, and um, I was really rebelling rebelling, I was getting into a lot of fights, and I was starting to get angry about a lot of the things that I was experiencing and dealing with. Uh, there was a lot of danger in Memphis, a lot of unhealthy experiences that that definitely came my way. And, you know, I I wanted both. I wanted to learn and learn the lessons, but I also wanted to be a teenager. Uh anyway, this would be the most one of the most powerful and important years of my life. The summer I turned 13, I got into multiple car accidents, got thrown from a horse, fell from the third floor of a building, uh, had my existential acid moment, and um um I got into a really serious car accident, which would be my it would actually be my next major psychic experience where I was picking up on the energies of the universe and and reading um in into the future. We were in a big station wagon uh on our way out to Shelby Farms, which is outside of Memphis. It was like the be the local beach, if you will. And um I remember being in the station wagon and being uncomfortable, like something was really bothering me. We stopped to get gas at one point, and I was going to get into the back of the station wagon. Um, and I remember standing there and hearing my spirit guide say, No, do not get in there. And I checked with myself, and my intuition was also saying something's not right. And so I got back uh into the front of the car, and I remember looking at the driver and being deeply concerned about the energy that he was in. Uh, anyway, he pulled out of the gas station, and I tried to get him to um realize that there was a cop not far away, thinking that that would make him drive better, but that seemed to actually make the situation worse. Anyway, the next thing you know, the car is getting railroaded by a semi, and we flipped three tons on the highway, and um I remember pulling myself and my best friend at the time to the full board just as the car was flipping, and it was one of the things that prevented us from getting hurt. Anyway, when that accident was over, I went with my mother to take a look at the car, and my mother was devastated because it made the cover of the newspaper locally. Uh, the back end of that station wagon was absolutely obliterated. There was nothing left. Uh, if I had gotten into the back of the station wagon, I would likely have died. Uh, my mother sat me down and had that ha ha, the come the Jesus conversation. She was like, You're getting in trouble, you're getting in fights, you're skipping school, you got these rock posters everywhere, you're dressing too old for your age, you're wearing makeup. Like, she was really worried about me. And uh, I was exploring and trying to learn. Anyway, she told me that if I got any more trouble, um, I would uh she would call the police and let them know that um, you know, I was being difficult. Uh anyway, I um went to a party at a friend's house and I ended up uh doing things that I wasn't supposed to do and falling asleep and I didn't wake up for 24 hours. And by the time I did wake up, my mother had called the police and um reported me as a runaway. And this will probably come as a surprise to a lot of people, but back then, when kids ran away from home, they actually put you in jail. And so when I um got got suspended next from school, my mother called the police and told them to come pick me up. And a lot of people have been very critical of my mother for doing this, but I was on a fast road to to a really bad place. I was being rebellious. Uh, you know, I was I was trying to do what I came here for while trying to be a teenager at the same time, and I was really wrestling with that, and I didn't have a great um home life or examples, uh, people to learn from. Anyway, um they took me to juvenile prison. And so by the age of 13, I was behind a cell, and I would stay there for a while, and I remember that experience distinctly because my spirit guides were like, Well, you learned it, what are you learning from this? And I was like, very confused. I was very confused. I I didn't understand why I was in the, I mean, this was a real, I just want people to understand, this was a real prison. They took me to a real prison where there were children there that had murdered their parents, and I would have lunch with them. And uh uh I knew that I needed to stop the escalation of what was happening, or I would not achieve what I needed to achieve in this lifetime, and I made that decision staring at the prison ceiling that it was time for me to adjust my attitude, that I did. While I was living in St. Peter's, I had the fortunate or unfortunate opportunity to spend weekends with foster families. St. Peter's had an adoption program and it required people who wanted to adopt children to foster kids. And so I got to see all different types of home environments on those weekends. Uh I did get to know one family in particular. They sort of took a liking to uh myself and my older sister, and would have us visit them on holidays or uh for the occasional camping trip. And so they became a somewhat consistent part of uh my youth and my childhood. When I got out of the juvenile prison, even hearing that sounds crazy, but it is what happened. I came home, and my foster mother, Shirley, who was an incredibly religious woman, was sitting there on the couch, ready to have a very serious conversation with me. I'll be honest with you, it was like seeing Jesus sitting on the couch because I so was not expecting her to be in my mom's apartment. And she told me that the decision had been made that they were gonna try to save my save me and prevent me from going down this road uh of rebellion, and then I would be moving out to Collierville, where they lived outside of Memphis. And I was I was so sort of surprised because uh I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I knew something was coming. I had been feeling it for a while, and I remember being both excited and kind of terrified. Anyway, I packed up my stuff, got on the car with her, and moved to the beautiful almost uh Mayberry-esque town of Collierville. Lots of churches on every corner, lots of families who were actually together, a lot of safety uh in terms of the town, and I thought, wow, you know, um, my spirit guides have saved me. They've given me this beautiful circumstance to live in, and I'm gonna really make the best of it. Little did I know that I was in for a very strange uh few years. You know, this was my high school years. I just wanted to be a normal kid. I wanted to like actually go to classes for a change. I had skipped most of school up to this point, but I didn't see the point going because the teachers were terrible and uh and the schools weren't very good. Uh, this was a really great school with a really great reputation, and and the kids seemed to really be into learning, so I thought, you know, hey, why don't I give this a try for a change? Um, the only problem with that whole scenario was my home life. Um, my foster father, who I had known most of my life, turned out to um be a very bad man. He had uh a problem with young people, with young women in particular. And I remember uh being in the car with him at one point, and he said something that was very inappropriate, and I was very shocked because I had always thought of him as sort of a father figure, and he suddenly went from father figure to, oh my God, I'm living in a house with an absolute pervert. He would turn my high school years into such strangeness. You know, I was going to school trying to be like a normal kid, feeling very guilty and ashamed for a lot of the bad decisions that I had made uh in junior high school, and I was trying to really kind of make up for it, and I wanted to be accepted and loved and appreciated by all these really cool, nice kids that I was living around now. And yet at home, I was living with a nightmare, a pervert. He drilled holes in the ceiling, in the walls. He watched me constantly. Um, when I was finally allowed to leave and go out with friends or, you know, on the occasional date with the pre-approved young man, uh, he would have me followed. It was either him following me or some of his very creepy friends. And I was still a little bit naive and didn't quite understand what the deal was with him and his friends. Of course, now I I really understand. And I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to have a family. I just wanted to be treated well and have like normal experiences. But here I am going to school and trying to learn and uh while coming home and being absolutely terrified in the home that I lived in. Uh, I will say this for those years in high school, she was incredibly religious, as was he. Uh, but uh she was also very encouraging uh about my spiritual side. She really encouraged me to read the Bible, to read a lot of the spiritual authors of the time, uh, to absorb as many lessons as I could uh about uh religious and spiritual matters. And uh it was a really beautiful time of growth in that regard. Uh I started uh giving speeches at high schools, as well as to adult groups, uh, to share with them about my experiences as well as you know how to turn your life around. So it was this kind of strange dichotomy. You know, on the one hand, I felt like this bad little kid who constantly was getting in trouble, and here I am now in you know my high school years, making up for it and becoming a uh a spiritual speaker at a young age. Um, so you know, a lot of interesting experiences that I would speak to my spirit guides about. Um, I understood that, you know, I was there to learn lessons and I was doing everything I could to learn to stay my mission, you know, to make this my last incarnation. By the early 90s, I had become very tired of being constantly watched, lusted over, followed. My boyfriends had been threatened, even one of my bosses was threatened by a detective for inviting me to go bowling. I wanted to be normal. I just wanted a normal life, and I I wanted to be able to make decisions for myself. So I made the unprecedented decision, and it was a wild one, to create an alias for myself and just run. I packed my stuff, changed my name, bought a ticket to California in the early 90s, and I took off. And running, well, that would become something of a theme in my life. It is the early 90s, and I am living in San Diego under an alias, and I'm so excited because no one knows anything about me, and I'm getting a fresh start and making decisions for myself. Uh, I settled in, got my first job, renting apartments, and started to make friends. I made friends with a lot of military families, just lovely people, particularly Navy SEALs, because you know, it was San Diego, and uh they would invite me on hikes and camping, and I had such a great time, such wonderful families. I finally started doing some modeling, kind of hearkening back to my orphan model days, but I needed money and I needed some level of stability, and I didn't have anyone to call on. And so I started doing uh small things here and there, and then I got the chance to audition for Paul Mitchell Hair Products, which was a big deal. You know, they were the the product that was sold in all the salons across the country back then. It was literally the only product sold in every salon across the country back then, and uh I really liked the people there. It was my first really big campaign, and it went a long way to help build my self-esteem and my confidence and help me polish some of my rough edges. Uh, they told me they were gonna mail me the poster, and I was so excited. A few months later, that poster came in, and I remember unrolling it, and it was just huge, and I was uh really excited, you know, looking forward to the future. And then I got a message on my answering machine that would completely rock my world. I remember pressing play, and a heavy southern accent came on, and my heart just completely sank. The message said, Hey Cindy, you told me to call. If anyone ever came looking for you, now might be a good time to take off. Ah, I was so crushed. I remember like dropping to my couch and just being shot. I had asked them to let me know if anyone ever came looking for me, and they had. Not long after that, I was walking through San Diego, and I could feel that I was being tracked and watched. You know, I've always been able to feel that, probably based on experience. And um I remember looking up and seeing my foster father with some men, strange men, and I just completely panicked. I got the knife that I carried out of my bag, and I remember spiding the blade between my hands. Like I didn't know what they wanted, and I was so terrified by him and his friends that um that was gonna be my automatic response anyway, was to protect myself. I remember, you know, running home and being so worried that I was being followed, and I I contacted the FBI, and I had met a couple of FBI agents renting apartments, and I asked them for help. And I remember him saying, Meet me here at such and such time, and me racing. It was a gas station parking lot, and I was so stunned when I got there because I just I don't think I was thinking of what was gonna happen. I just needed help, I needed advice, I needed support. And oh, I I pull up and and there's a a full-blown actual FBI spy van in the gas station parking lot, and I remember climbing in and it was very surreal. And you know, the equipment was everywhere, and you know, the the jacket, and and we had a really, really uh interesting conversation. I made it very clear that I just needed to hide uh, you know, from someone. I didn't want to get into detail because to be honest with you, I didn't want to be judged. It's probably very hard for people today to understand just how much judgment was levied against people, particularly women, if um they were being, you know, harassed or stalked. Uh, you know, we just didn't have terminology for it back then. And um he gave me some wonderful tips and explained to me what I could do. I let him know I really wanted to have like a real life. I wanted to be successful and and uh be part of a community, and um, and so you know, he filled me full of great uh advice, and I went home, packed a bag, and I remember sneaking out of my apartment to the neighbor's apartment um because I wanted to exit without anyone being able to see me, and I went through their apartment uh and dropped down over their balcony onto the ground. They were on vacation, and uh I took off. I changed my name again, and I took off for New York City. I remember the first time that I entered New York City. I came up out of the subway, and the energy was incredible, and I felt right at home. I had always walked fast and talked fast, and this felt completely organic for me. I had a new name and a new backstory, and no one knew anything about me. And thankfully, this was pre-internet and pre-social media, which really allowed me to just start over over. You could do that in those days. I got a job working for a shishi eyewear designer who had boutiques all the way up Madison Avenue, and he had a client base that really blew my mind. I remember the first week there, Yoko Ono and Michael Douglas came in, and I was like, wow, look, this is crazy. And uh sitting at the feet, if you will, of icons of media and finance and technology and entertainment, having these long extended uh sit-downs. I mean, each of my appointments was about two hours, and this really allowed me to learn from some of the best across every industry. Um uh it was the kind of development that I really needed. And um I enjoyed it. I was there for four years, and uh not long after getting there, the owner of the company noticed that I was really good with important people, you know, VIPs, and he gave me the chance to uh handle the in-house PR and I started to do all of the photo shoots, you know, for the big names in fashion and uh creating eyewear for special campaigns and dressing some of the fame most famous people in the world. Uh I did the Iwear for the Sopranos before uh the show launched, and the eyewear ended up in the whole campaign uh for its first season and and seasons beyond that. And I worked on Iwear for Sex in the City. Uh, and it was just a really, really good foundational experience for me. Um, as a person, I was really blossoming. I had, you know, uh my first real boyfriend and um uh a lot of wonderful hobbies. I was roller wedding all over the city. I got my motorcycle license so that I could uh go on cool trips around the country, and it was just a really beautiful time uh in my development. I got my first opportunity to get off of my feet. You know, I had been working basically in retail and it was fancy schmancy retail, but it was it was still retail and it could be hard on you. And I really wanted to be an executive, like being respected was such a huge uh goal for me. And and for me at the time, that's what I thought was, you know, the avenue that would get me respect. And frankly, that's really kind of what we're taught with the American Dream. Uh, I got a job with one of the most shishy PR agencies in the country. Um, she was a real powerhouse working on the most important uh events and campaigns in New York, LA, and um it was a great experience. I remember my first week there uh finding out that the desk that I had been given had just been vacated by an actual princess who had married a billionaire, and I and my my mind was just blown with it. I didn't even know that princesses were actually a thing at the time. And uh and my boss gave me this binder and said, Okay, this is your event, you know, go take care of it, make sure it's successful. And I looked at the cover and it was Azadina Laia, he's a French controller, he's the designer's designer. Azadina Liaya at the Guggenheim Museum, hosted by Naomi Campbell, Stephanie Seymour. It was the 90s supermodels hosting this event, and and this is my my first major project, and I was just floored. I remember thinking to myself that first week, like, what has happened to my life? You know, I didn't have a college degree, I still had a bit of a southern accent. Everybody told me that I couldn't be successful in New York City, and somehow here I was uh really lucky out and having a ball, and I had a wonderful time, such such incredible experiences for somebody uh who grew up the way that I did. Uh I went to dinner one night with some of the executives from HBO, and we had such a wonderful conversation about my adventures as a 90s PR gal in New York City that we ended up collaborating on five episodes of Sex in a City. And this is at a time when the show was the biggest show in the world. Uh, and particularly for fashion and entertainment-related people. Like the show was just really massively important. And those collaborations, which were based on my own adventures, um helped put five of my clients on the map and and pack them every single night for it would be you know 10-15 years from then that the that that show would still be having an impact on those clients, which I was always really proud of. And um, it was that success that earned me this wild portfolio of clients, which included Rockefeller Center, uh Lincoln Center, and um the World Trade Center. It was 2000, and I was high on life and having a ball and about to start my work on putting the World Trade Center in its amazing event spaces and fancy restaurant at the very top, the windows in the world, uh, on the map. They wanted it to be equally as famous as the other uh hotels and restaurants and bars that I had worked with, and I was excited about it. I had been working on the World Trade Center for a few months, and I was so excited about my plans. I was gonna get premieres and uh the hottest entertainers to dine there and uh get the Windows on the world in TV and film to help further put it on the international map. And uh I was really excited. I had a meeting planned for early that morning in the Windows on the World restaurant at the top of the World Trade Center, and um a few days before my spirit guides were nudging me to push the meeting, and I remember being like slightly irritated, like really, like, you know, I've got a lot going on, you know. I was starting to get the ego, and um I remember being uh a little bit like you know annoyed because I I was excited about the work I was doing, um, but I could feel a powerful psychic experience, and um it would be the coming days would be the most powerful psychic experience I've had to date. The morning of 9-11, I got up and they nudged me again, and I called over and I canceled my meeting, and then I got in a car to go to my office downtown because you know work was everything. And I remember looking up at one point and seeing the first plane hit, um, being just like all of us, absolutely thunderstruck. And I knew immediately, like, this is why I wasn't supposed to be there. And uh I got out of the car and I ran to my office, and at one point, um, because I was getting such shocking images of both towers coming down, I had to stop and throw up. And they did not let up. This vision of both of them coming down and the way that they came down was so detailed and so powerful that I was having difficulty speaking. Even to this day, I I struggle to speak about it. And um I uh I ran to my office and I remember coming into uh our space, our workspace, and everyone was on their computers acting as though nothing was going on, and I I was started getting mad, and I started yelling at people and saying, you know, we're this is about to be a massive tragedy, and and both of the towers are gonna come down, and they were like, you know, girl, are you are you okay? And we know this is your client, but those buildings are built for anything, they're gonna be fine. And uh I understood why people couldn't understand what I was saying. Um, and I didn't want to say I'm getting psychic visions because I hid that part of my life, like so many psychics do. You know, we're all capable of psychic abilities. Uh, I just had never uh uh learned not to use mine, like so many of us are taught to do as children. And um so mine were were strong. And uh the visions wouldn't let up, and I was I was really struggling not to have what I would call a nervous breakdown in the moment. Um, and then um the second plane hit, and I knew that's confirmation. I'm that I'm not losing my mind here, this is actually going to happen. I remember running out of the office into the streets, and you knew there was already so much smoke in the air, and just trying to get somebody from the police or fire department, you know, it was such an unprecedented experience for everyone that getting anybody was nearly impossible. I tried calling the restaurant, um, just to say to people, get out, get out, get out, but there was no way to get through. And I ran back to the office and I remember yelling at my coworkers, saying, you know, how can you sit there at your computer's working? Don't you understand what's about to happen? And they're, you know, they're like, you know, you sound like a like a crazy person. And um I went downstairs where the TV was, and I just paced in front of it, and then the visions became so um disturbing. I was in in the buildings and I was in the people, and I was hearing their thoughts, and I was seeing their choices and what they were going to do, and there were a couple of scenes that were so so profoundly disturbing that um I don't share them with anybody. Uh and um, and that would be one of the most like for so many of us, it would be such a profound experience. After the towers came down and the city closed down, I um I shut down. I never told a soul, I never talked about it ever with anyone for the next 20 plus years. And um I dealt with such extraordinary survivors' guilt and guilt and shame um over what happened and not being able to do anything. I knew intellectually that there was nothing that I could do, and no one was gonna listen to, oh, there's some psychic on the phone who's saying, you know, get everybody out. I mean, people got out as fast as they could. The the point is that, you know, um when you're tapped into your psychic abilities, there's sometimes really frustrating experiences because oftentimes what you see and what you share isn't gonna be acted on by anyone. And in that experience, I was so uh stunned um and shocked and angry that I couldn't do anything about it, that I started to shut down uh any of my abilities. You know, I would you I would always have some pattern recognition and intuition, but in terms of allowing visions and um dreams, prophetic dreams, I started to really shut them down because I was bitter. It was like, well, what good does it do? I remember saying that repeatedly. I was yelling at my spirit guides. And um a few weeks later, the city opened back up and I I threw myself into my career. But of course I did, because that's where I always got my self-esteem, because that's what we do. You know, and I noticed that my drinking started to pick up. I'd never been much of a drinker or a drug user, and uh suddenly I was, you know, tipping a few more martinis back than were absolutely necessary. Yeah, that's what we do when we don't know how to deal with our emotions, when we don't have emotional and mental intelligence, we make low vibrational choices. I threw myself into my work and opened my first agency, which was a which was really awesome. I mean, it was a success right off the bat. I landed incredible international clients, and one of them sponsored New York, LA, and Miami Fashion Week, which, you know, put us behind the velvet ropes and you know, going to the shishiest events and hanging out with the coolest people around. And I do I do love the fashion industry uh for its artistic uh aspects, and um, I loved that part of it, the artistic side of it. And I really threw myself into that. You know, we were traveling around a lot, doing a lot of fashion shows and working with all the designers, and it was a good way to distract yourself. Um, I would uh really, really particularly enjoy uh one of we had landed a really big client, uh an optical client, um, international, really huge brand, and they did the eyewear for the astronauts for the space program, and uh I really enjoyed that. I I did hold the only space-related press conference at New York Fashion Week and brought an astronaut to one of the big shows, which uh I was really happy about. You know, I would have high moments like that, but then you know, I nothing that I ever succeeded at doing sustained itself because it was a bottomless kit that would never be filled with uh success and results. Um, but I just kept, you know, that's all I knew how to do. Uh I would be courted by a big fashion house out of Germany who that wanted they wanted someone who could put the brand back on the map. And I remember asking my spirit guides about it, and they were encouraging me, which I now see, maybe because they saw where this was headed. Oh, if I only knew uh what was gonna happen, I'm not sure if I would have made that decision. Um, I was getting further and further away from my mission, my focus on this being my um final rebirth, my final reincarnation. And I was beginning to get further and further away from my spirit guides uh and more and more absorbed with the superficial world uh and ego. Uh anyway, the fashion house um wanted somebody who could dress celebrities for the big red carpet events, and and I thought that sounded amazing, and I had always wanted to do that. Uh, and so I took the job, I closed my agency, and um a lot of people thought I was crazy, but I I just knew this was the direction I was supposed to head in. Anyway, I made the job a huge success. I within a year I put them back on the map internationally, and I dressed um some of the most amazing people in entertainment. I remember being super excited because the first person that I got to wear the collection, which no one really big had worn in a long time because they had allowed their program to just sort of die off. And I remember Kathleen Zeta Jones uh wearing uh a beautiful black and silver dress to the Glamour Women of the Year Awards, and I I was uh I was excited about that. I mean, I really I wanted to succeed at what I had chosen to do, and and I did, and um, you know, we dressed the whole cast of Sex in the City for red carpet events and and desperate housewives, and um I ended up getting promotions, two promotions that year, and I was sort sort sort of high on life. I wouldn't call me happy, but I was successful in the uh superficial terms, the materialistic uh terms. Um my success caught the eye of uh an executive in Germany who did my same job for the corporate office. He did not like me at all. Uh, he particularly didn't like the fact that I had brown hair and brown eyes, which even to this day I'm like, seriously? And um uh I could tell the first time I met him that he was going to be a huge problem. Uh he started to put a lot of pressure on me to change the whole program that I had just spent, you know, a year plus building. Um and I remember the first time he started to tell me that he wanted me to only put the collection, the gowns on blonde-haired, blue-eyed uh actresses and socialites. And I was really speechless because I had dressed African Americans and Asian and people from all over the world, and it really helped build the program. And now this man is suddenly telling me that I can't do what worked and what put them back on the map. I now have to only put the clothing on a very minute percentage of the population. And um, and this would be the beginning of the end. Uh, in many ways of my career, uh, you know, he um he started to create scenarios and situations that would put me under increasing pressure and uh almost making it impossible for me to succeed. At one point, my mother suddenly passed away, which completely shocked me, and I wasn't in any way prepared uh for her to pass away, and we had reconnected and rebuilt our relationship. And I was weak. I had been, you know, low-level depressed, like functioning depressed, uh, for a long time. And now I'm dealing with this battle at work with a man who clearly hated me and was making my life very difficult, and my mother suddenly dies, and I'm pregnant, and I'm beginning to collapse under the stress. Um, particularly because um during this entire career, from the time I first got to New York and worked for the Iowa Designer to working for um the PR agency, starting my own agency and now in-house, I've been highly masked, deeply ashamed, hiding who I was, using a closet full of characters to blend in everywhere, and feeling like a fraud the entire time because I had used aliases for years to build my career. And even though the the results were mine, you know, I felt like an imposter. You know, it was a like a major case of imposter syndrome. And this would all of this would come to a head in Germany. Um, I was sitting with some of the board of directors, and they were really excited to show me a picture of an emaciated uh group of Indian men beating a gown, and they wanted me to take that footage back and those pictures back to America and show it off to fashion editors. And I remember being absolutely shocked. Like, how could you be so oblivious to the fact that you're selling these gowns for$10,000,$15,000 and you're paying these men pennies, and then you want me to actually go brag about this? And I remember pushing back and pushing back, and and then all of a sudden, the man who hated me uh asked me to come to his office, and uh I did, and we would proceed to get into a nasty, nasty argument, uh, where he started to yell at me and called me some pretty terrible names, and then all of a sudden, he brought up my childhood. I did not expect that to happen. I didn't think anyone could find out anything about me, but apparently he found me just threatening enough to have me looked into, and he called me white trash and said that I should have never been given that job, that it should have been given to a social light, and I was disgusting. Like his spit was hitting me in the face, and I'm standing there, you know, very pregnant, and hearing this, and I was already so weakened by everything, it already felt Like an imposter and a fraud, and to have my my secret that I had been carrying with me for decades thrown in my face by a man, an male executive just sent me spinning. He would have me uh put under extraordinary pressure once I got back to the States. He took my maternity leave away, which made me commute four hours a day. I had no family, no support to deal with my son and I, and I'm doing this incredibly hefty job while feeling like an imposter, and um I'm getting no support because everyone's terrified now of what's about to happen. You know, it was just uh horrible. I ended up leaving, and then I shattered my leg, I got divorced, the economy tanked, um, and it was it was pretty much the worst time in my life. So my mother's passed away, I am out of my career, the economy is tanked, I've gotten divorced, shattered my leg, had a motorcycle accident, and I am just reeling. I had been struggling since 9-11 um with uh drinking, and after that incident with the executive in Germany, I began to drink uh more and more. I was just numbing myself in every way I could, you know, all the lower vibrational choices that we make when we can't face ourselves. And my older sister reconnected with me, which I was surprised by. I had uh always judged her very harshly. She'd been a drug addict since high school and a street prostitute and had been homeless for a very long time. I spent quite a few years trying to rescue her. I remember going into quite a few cracked ins uh in the late 80s and early 90s, uh, which is incredibly dangerous and will change your view of humanity forever when you see just what people are capable of. Um and uh none of it worked. Uh, and now she's reaching out to me and we're reconnecting and we're beginning to have real conversations about real issues. And uh I was finally ready to listen and be there more present as a sister because I had been dealing with my own secret struggles, and I think I understood her better. Um, I did pick up a strange energy when she reached out to me, and I asked her, Are you okay? Because my intuition was telling me that something was wrong. And she said, Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I was like, Okay. Uh and I knew, you know, she was still using, but uh, you know, I was ready to have some level of family, especially now that my mom was gone. Uh, a few months later, um, she would get sick and admit that she knew that something was wrong, um, but was afraid to try to get help. She was dying of ovarian cancer that she had gotten from um being a prostitute. And I was devastated. I was quite shocked. I uh I went back to Tennessee finally, after all those years of running. I remember shaking the entire time. Now I was fat, angry, depressed, unhealthy, you know, drinking, absolutely miserable, but I was still afraid of my foster father. And uh uh, but I went back. I wanted to be with her to see if I could help. And uh there was nothing that we could do um to save her. Being back in Tennessee gave uh my sister and I the opportunity to have some really important conversations uh and some times together where we got to act like sisters again, coloring each other's hair and doing each other's makeup and just getting the chance to be with her in her final days. And at one point, she told me something that would absolutely floor me. She finally told me that when she was young living in St. Peter's, that my foster father and his creepy friends had abused her horrifically and went on to abuse her for years. And there it was. The missing piece of the puzzle. It gives me chill bumps even now. I remember being just like that. She wasn't looking at me with hatred, she was looking at the world with anger, and she had every right to be. Oh, I got so angry. I had fantasies about harming him. Not long after that conversation, I would be in um Germany. I was in Germany with um the actress Mira Sorvino. I had brought her there to make an appearance at a fashion show, and I knew that my energy was really off because Dina was in her final days, and um I explained to Mira that my older sister had been, you know, a drug addict and prostitute, and now was passing away. And I I, you know, it was really weird for me to share anything personal with anyone, but I I guess I was just that that broken at that point that I finally started to show the cracks in my facade, my mask. And I will never forget this moment because she was sitting in front of me, and that we were in a Mercedes, very common in Germany, and the driver was just, you know, plowing straight through Berlin, and I'm sitting right behind her, and she says, You know, your sister's a victim of human trafficking, right? Boom. There it was. The missing piece of the puzzle the entire time. She went on to explain, you know, that in America we don't call human trafficking human trafficking. We'd rather label women or areas or societies with other issues than actually admit that we have a huge human trafficking issue here in America. And I just remember being thunderstruck because I realized that all those years I had been running the way that my life was in high school. I don't know what he was saving me for. Uh maybe it was some big client or whatever the situation was, but I realized that him and his creepy men were human traffickers, and my sister was a victim, and the reason I had been on the run was because I was running from human trafficking. And uh between that realization and my sister's eventual death, I sunk further into depression. What do you think I did? I'm sure you can guess. Yes, you were right. I ran. I ran to Florida. This time I didn't change my name, though. I just ran. That's all I knew. What I knew to do when things became too much and I became too afraid. Well, I have now run off to my third city. This time I didn't create an alias. I was no longer on the run from human traffickers. At this point, I was definitely on the run for myself. My sister's death was very traumatizing for me. I I really stepped away from my psychic abilities, from my relationship with my spirit guides. Um, it had been like that for a few years, and I sunk into uh a pretty serious depression. I was very overweight, very angry, uh, very fearful. I was highly masked still. I was absolutely deep down, I was terrified anyone would find out anything about me. And I was uh really resting in shame and guilt about the decisions, the bad decisions that I had made. And I just, you know, went into deep rest for the next 10 years. And then finally in 2017, on a subconscious level, I finally began to listen to my spirit guides again. I decided to do an eco-fashion collection to honor the women of my family. Uh, my mother was a huge supporter of investment dressing and um manufacturing in America. And my sister was a human rights victim, as a human trafficking victim, and there's a lot of human uh rights victims in the fashion industry. And so uh I began the work of designing the collection. I had to first learn how to do technical design, so that took uh a while. And finally in 2019, I was ready to put this collection together and to launch it. I was nervous because I knew that I would have to start sharing something about myself um as the designer, but I was still uncomfortable. And uh all of a sudden I I had uh one of the most powerful psychic experiences that I had had in a long time. And that was that I I foresaw that we were going to be closing down as a country and that the world would be shutting down, basically. And I had this conversation with my spirit guides where they were explaining to me that we were entering an unprecedented time in human history, and that this uh this situation afforded us this incredible moment uh to raise human consciousness and that the collective would need as many people, light workers, healers as possible to help humanity. And um I went to my investors and my vendors, and I was like, we gotta get this collection in. And and I explained to them that the country's gonna close down, and of course, everyone thought I was, you doing okay over there, girl? I was like, no, I need my collection. And uh, you know, you know where this is going, right? Of course I didn't get my collection because I needed failure more than anybody in the world in my in my work life. You know, the the escape into my work life and the success in my work life is probably the thing it kept me moving forward, and in many ways it saved me, but it also had become something that was keeping me sick. And it was this moment of unprecedented failure where I was unable to get my collection, and the manufacturers just shut their doors and put a lock on it, and um I had to see that uh we were about to shut down and I was not gonna be able to do a whole lot of work. And you know what? There's no better time than uh a pandemic, start working on yourself. My spirit guides came to me again and said, you know, we need you to really start the work. Um this is a beautiful opportunity for humanity to raise its consciousness across the planet, and we need it because at the age that we're entering, we need as many people across the planet as possible to be in higher vibration, to have higher consciousness. Because not only will they help raise the entire planet up, but it's gonna help prepare us to deal with the unprecedented times we were entering. And if we achieve this as we expect, um we will then be not only in the age of Aquarius with this higher vibration across the planet, but we will be prepared to handle the age of AI. And I said, okay, let's get to work. The first thing they had me do was go have a man-in-the-mirror conversation. My spirit guides had me go to the bathroom and look myself in the mirror. They wanted me to look in my own eyes, something I hadn't done in forever. And uh I did, I looked deeply in my eyes, I saw the unhappiness, I saw the guilt of shame and the healing that needed to take place, and I remember touching the mirror and crying like a big I mean I just bawled. I hadn't, I almost never allowed myself to cry. And I used to actually be proud of that, but I never cried. Uh nothing wrong there. And uh I I just allowed the tears to run down my face, and I I allowed the anger, the fear, the anxiety, the shame, the guilt to begin to come to the surface. And uh then they had me go get on my porch. It was time for something very important. I had something to do. When I was young, I asked my mother, you know, how does somebody remember everything? And she said, You can't. And I was like, Well, I'm going to. And I uh figured out that if I built a mansion in my mind, and of course I now know about memory palaces that I didn't know this as a kid. I built a mansion in my mind. Um, and in the different rooms in the mansion, I stored different memories, and I would put the memories that I wanted to keep in boxes and label them, and I would put them on shelves, and every once in a while I would take them down and I would take the memory out, and I would, you know, really re-enjoy it, and then I would put it back in there and put it on the shelves. And this went on for years and years and years. And then eventually I became so deeply ashamed and guilty of the mistakes that I made. I'd put a lock on Memory Mansion, and no one was getting that open because I didn't want anyone knowing anything about me. Um, and it was time for me to break the lock on Memory Mansion and to speak about all the things that I had never told anyone about. All of it, going all the way back before I came here through to now. Yeah. It was time. So I went out to the porch. I was surrounded by my spirit guides, my angels, my ancestors, my higher self. I went out on the porch, they surrounded me. The sky was absolutely magnificent. The air was magical, and I began to rock, and my eyes began to move. I down, up, up, down, up, up. And they moved in this box. And all of a sudden, the lot broke, and the memories began to just pour out of me. And I began to speak about everything I had never allowed myself to speak about. No one who had ever known me for even a few years, even people who'd known me for 20 years, knew absolutely nothing that I had a gen. They knew almost nothing about me other than the memories that we created together. Uh, and uh I finally allowed myself to have those conversations. And this this process went on for almost a week. I would go to bed and get up in the morning and start all over again, go to the porch, I would start rocking, my eyes would move in a box. I would speak more, pour it out, cry, get angry, laugh. Uh, and uh at the end of the week, I was exhausted and I went to bed and I slept. For the first time in decades. Really slept. And when I woke up in the morning, I felt magical. I mean, I was I was burnt out, and my I was demasking, uh, and my executive function was just shot. But uh, God, I felt like a teenager. I was so excited about life again. I could not wait to figure out what did I want to do with my hair, what kind of makeup did I want to wear, what did I want to read, what kind of movies do I want to watch, what kind of music do I listen to? Because I was always whatever the environment called for, whatever I thought was most appropriate. I had a closet full of characters I had been using since childhood, and it was time to just burn that whole closet down and figure out who I was. Well, I think so many of us go through that um in this process of discovering who we are. And then I began simultaneously with that uh personal journey. My spiritual journey began to truly unfold. My spirit guides brought selfage geofrequency music and books and videos and gurus and the most incredible people into my life. It was magical. I mean, the way that it happened, the synchronicities were going off the charts, and I began to come alive. It was extraordinary. You know, I started to walk and I began to see nature again. I saw the moon for the first time in years. I smelled the grass. There were dragonflies, butterflies, birds, beautiful big herons, and eagles, and and I was electric with it. I suddenly started to uh play music and uh do pottery and paint again and got my camera out, started taking 35 millimeter pictures of all these beautiful birds. And uh and I just allowed myself to unfold like so many of us do when we're on our spiritual journeys. And I began to connect with people all over the planet. There were millions of us all over the planet who were having these extraordinary spiritual experiences. We were we were part of the this phase of people who were going to help raise the vibration of the planet, and we began to all connect with each other, and I developed this amazing soul family. And uh I began the shadow work, the real, the real work, to deal with the epigenetic trauma, my own uh as well, to heal that, to create new practices in my life, to practice new practices in my life, to climb the scale of consciousness. A Hawkins scale consciousness became a major tool for me at that time, and I I used it as a way to track where I was at and catch myself before the patterns kept repeating its uh themselves. You know, I realized that our thought habits, which we gifted to our to us by our family, our community, our churches, those create our mental state, our mental state creates our emotional state, energy, emotion. Emotion is the frequency and vibration uh that we're at based on those thought habits. And that's our lived experience in that given moment. It was really understanding that process that allowed me to really begin to practice being um present, uh, to practice a better perspective um on my life, uh, regardless of circumstances. And I started to move up the scale towards you know, joy and love, leading with love. Uh and I got healthy, not just spiritually, I began to work out and uh I fasted for a long time and drank water and I began to heal a lot of the um uh uh complex issues that happen when we deal with uh a lot of uh traumas back to back. Uh and my health improved dramatically. Uh it was an amazing experience. And the people that came into my life. What gifts. And the ability to help other people. That's an even better gift. I reconnected with people going all the way back to when I was young in high school. And I didn't know how many people had touched me, and I didn't know how many people I had I had unknowingly touched their lives along the way. And that journey through my history was beautiful. A funny experience that I had. I was logging in and I saw a picture of me at the Sadie Hawkins dance with a bunch of other people. And uh funnily enough, it within the comments of that feed, there was a whole conversation about the fact that I had died, that I disappeared back in the 90s, and that I had died, and no one could see me and how sad it was, and it was so surreal. I mean, if you've never read about your own death, I recommend it, and it gives you a new perspective on life. I thought that was funny. I found out that my foster father passed away, and I allowed myself to forgive him and his wife, who's now since passed away. And uh I learned how to be joyful. So, what happened after that incredible healing journey? Well, I became a yoga and meditation teacher. I finally stepped up to the role I'd been called to since I was a young woman, that a spiritual guide. That fashion collection to honor my mother and sister that gave me such agida, it eventually came out. I became an inspirational speaker and author, sharing my experiences as a psychic, mystic, and of course, survivor, so that other people had a roadmap to healing. You know, we really can recover from anything. And when we raise our individual vibration, we help raise the vibration across the planet because, as you know, we are all connected to each other. That's what makes community so important. And these days, I'm really loving being a part of community. I finally got around to chasing Nirvana again. Only this time. I'm not sure if it matters if this is my last life. I think it matters if I make this life as incredible and helpful to others as possible.